Thought Catalog

17 Men On What They Desperately Want A Woman To Moan In Bed

Posted: 02 Aug 2016 08:45 PM PDT

1. “It’s so simple, but every time we are doing anything remotely sexual and she says my name, it drive me crazy. Just hearing her in an aroused state and confirming it’s me that’s putting her there is so hot.” — Justin, 25

2. “For me, it’s whatever she wouldn’t say under normal circumstances. If a girl loves dirty talk, that’s cool, but there’s such a sexy quality about knowing its a spontaneous event. Like, if she’d normally be embarrassed by that but she’s so turned on at the moment she can’t help herself. That’s when I know I’m doing a really good job and she’s enjoying herself.” — Brad, 30

3. “Just say fuck a lot, especially if you don’t usually swear. Sex makes that word so much hotter.” — James, 28

4. “She doesn’t have to say anything if she’s moaning loudly. It’s so hot to watch a woman moaning and writhing because you’re fucking her. One of the best parts of sex.” — John, 35

5. “I tend to like classy, conservative girls, so something simple but dirty like ‘you feel so good inside me’ is perfect.” — Peter, 20

6. “I love when my girlfriend tells me what to do. It’s so goddamn sexy to hear her order me around. She’ll tell me how to finger her during foreplay or to fuck her harder or to flip her over, it’s super sexy” — Jim, 32

7. “Once when I was fucking a girl she started playing with her nipples and she made eye contact with me and said ‘see what you do to me?’ So hot.” — Jonathan, 24

8. “When I hit the right spot my girlfriend goes crazy moaning and saying ‘oh my god’ or ‘yessss’. I eat that shit up.” — Ben, 27

9. “I’m a dominant guy, so things like ‘harder’ and ‘fuck me’ get me going.” — Morgan, 29

10. “When a girl is really theatrical and moaning, I get anxious about whether she is faking it. But there’s a different kind of moan a girl does when she’s genuinely enjoying herself. It’s less practiced. It’s dirty and raw.” — Mike, 23

11. “Please cum inside me.” — Andy, 22

12. “Once a girl literally begged me to cum on her face while I was fucking her. I didn’t last 60 seconds after that.” — Stephen, 29

13. “I like it when a girl just says little things that would make it hot for her. That’s real. Like “just a little bit deeper/harder” and then I can make that adjustment and know I’m really pleasing her.” — Alex, 27

14. “A nice reaction when a woman initially sees my cock is the best. A little smirk or a “you have a nice cock” makes me feel amazing” — — Mark, 33

15. “I watch a lot of porn and I’ve been with a lot of women, so it takes something totally unique to shock me into that next level orgasm.” — Jason, 28

16. “You’re going to make me cum again.” — Kevin, 27

17. “It’s simple but, “fuck me” with big puppy dog eyes during foreplay makes me super hard.” — Aaron, 29 TC mark

100 More Sexts You Should Send Your Man If You Want Him To Cum In His Pants Immediately

Posted: 02 Aug 2016 08:15 PM PDT


The only thing that could make this day better is ending it with your cock inside me.


I’ll be naked when you get home.


Drive me crazy with your tongue tonight?


Have you decided what part of my body you want to cum on tonight?


Just ordered a blindfold on Amazon. I can’t wait to put it on you and tease you until you beg me to ride you.


I want you to fuck me so hard I can’t walk tomorrow.


You fuck me so good I crave it all day.


All I’m doing at work today is thinking of ways to make your cock hard.


I miss your body.


I’ve never been with a guy who made me this horny.


I’m going to be your dirty little slut tonight.


I wish you could trade lives with me for one night so you’d get to experience how fucking good it feels when your cock is inside me.


I need your tongue on my clit right this second.


Just thinking about last night has me so wet.


I want you to cum inside me and then I want to lick your dick clean.


You’ve got me all wound up. Come over and feel how wet I am.


I want to sit on your face until my clit is numb.


I’m usually not that loud in bed, I just couldn’t control myself.


Wake me up with your cock tomorrow.


Fresh from the shower and already wanna get dirty again.


Can I give you road head tonight?


I’ve been a bad girl today. Punish me later?


Last night was the best sex I’ve had in my life. Until tonight.


I got some new sheets. Let’s get them dirty.


My pussy misses you.


I had to take my panties off because I got too wet thinking about you.


I want you to make me moan while your cock is in my mouth.


I just got myself off thinking about how sexy you look when you’re fucking me.


I know you’re having a long day so just let me give you head tonight and then we’ll go to sleep early.


I just realized my bra is see through. Wanna see?


I just realized my panties are see through. Wanna see?


I want to make you almost cum at least three times before I really let you.


Spank me tonight.


I got a new sex toy to use on you but I’m not going to tell you what.


Use my vibrator on me tonight.


How does anyone ever break up with you? You have the perfect cock.


I wish you were fucking me from behind right now.


You could make me cum so easily right now.


I want you to cum on my face.


You don’t understand how sexy you are.


I bet I could make you cum in under five minutes using only my mouth.


You make my pussy feel so good.


I could be sucking your dick right now.


I’m obsessed with the way you fuck me.


I wish you were cumming in my mouth right now.


I can’t wait to undress you.


I can’t decide what I love more, your tongue or your cock.


You’re not doing anything else tonight until you cum inside me.


I never get tired of tasting your cum.


I keep touching myself and thinking about the last time you fucked me.


I read the craziest sex story last night and I want us to try something out…


Daydreaming about your cock.


You’ve turned me into such a dirty little slut.


I wish your cock was in my mouth right now.


I have some naughty ideas for tonight, but I’m not going to tell you what they are.


No one makes me moan like you.


Apparently you can make me cum super hard without even being present.


I want to feel your cum inside me.


Just so you know, I’m naked and thinking about you right now.


You make me feel like such a hornball.


Thinking about you fucking me is making me dripping wet.


I’m stressed and I really need a good fucking.


Tonight I want you to fuck me any way you want.


You make my nipples so hard.


I want to suck on your balls.


I love the way you fuck me.


I’m at working thinking about how bad I want you to bend me over my desk.


I want to ride you backwards tonight so you can slap my ass while I cum.


Tonight: where do you want to cum first?


I never knew I was this perverted before.


I wish I was riding you right now.


I love hearing you cum.


I get so wet when I think about you.


I can’t remember the last guy who made me this wet.


How many times do you think you can make me cum tonight?


As soon as you walk in the door I want your cock in my mouth.


My ass better be red tomorrow.


Grab a fistful of my hair while I’m cumming tonight.


I can’t wait to ride you tonight.


I wish my legs were wrapped around you right now.


My roommates can definitely tell how crazy you make me.


I’m going to be such a dirty girl for you tonight.


I want you inside me so fucking bad right now.


I just thought of a part of your body I don’t think I’ve licked yet.


I want to run your cock all over my tits.


I want you to watch me finger myself.


I was just thinking about you and I swear my nipples got hard.


Want me to wrap my lips around your cock right now?


I love the idea of making you lay down and instructing you not to move while I drive you crazy with my mouth.


I want you to make me beg for your cock before you fuck me tonight.


Would it make you hard if I showed you what panties I’m wearing today?


What if you can see that they’re soaking wet?


How’s work? BTW is there room under your desk for me to give you head?


No one can make cum like you.


I wish I was sitting on your face right now.


I want you sucking on my tits while I ride you tonight.


Do you want to know what I thought about when I made myself cum last night?


I need your hands on my tits.


About to get in the shower… there’s room for one more.


Your cock makes me lose control. TC mark

This Is The Real Reason Why We All Want To Bang Musicians

Posted: 02 Aug 2016 08:00 PM PDT

Carly Flint
Carly Flint

I used to lust after and want to bang a lot of musicians.

In fact, for about 10 years I would say my track record for dating was one type, and one type only — long haired, man bunned, long necklace, black skinny jeans, V-neck and blue jean jacket wearing doppelgangers.

I once saw a photograph of two men I dated together on Instagram and I couldn't tell them apart.

Musicians = my weakness for my early twenties.

So why?

Why do we throw our tits in the air like we just don't care, and lust after musicians so obsessively?

I have a theory for why we take our panties off before we know a musician's name.

Are you ready for it?

This has taken a lot of banging the wrong frog to figure out so I hope you're listening.

When we see somebody do what they love, they shine.

They shine so fucking bright.

It is mesmerizing, jaw dropping, soul-demolishingly beautiful to see somebody mastering their craft in front of us.

We are hypnotized and drawn into it like a mirage of water, after wandering thirsty through the desert for days.

Tasting someone not only doing but mastering what they love is a special thing.

Elizabeth Gilbert touches on this beautifully in her Ted Talk "Your Elusive Creative Genius" where she states:

"Centuries ago in the deserts of North Africa, people used to gather for these moonlight dances of sacred dance and music that would go on for hours and hours, until dawn. They were always magnificent, because the dancers were professionals and they were terrific, right? But every once in a while, very rarely, something would happen, and one of these performers would actually become transcendent. And I know you know what I’m talking about, because I know you’ve all seen, at some point in your life, a performance like this. It was like time would stop, and the dancer would sort of step through some kind of portal and he wasn’t doing anything different than he had ever done, 1,000 nights before, but everything would align. And all of a sudden, he would no longer appear to be merely human. He would be lit from within, and lit from below and all lit up on fire with divinity."

When we do what we were inherently placed on this world with a thirst to do, and we master that thing hard—we shine.

We shine fucking bright like a diamond in a sea of gravel.

If you have observed someone lit on fire with divinity, you have experienced what that shine feels like from the outside.

It is tempting as all hell—confusingly so.

I remember my friends mom growing up had the lead singer of a bands autograph tattooed on her leg, disguised as an abstract pattern so her husband wouldn't find out.

If I were to get all esoteric for a moment and talk about how "everybody is a mirror for you" concept—what I believe we are feeling when we see somebody lit on fire with divinity through mastering their craft, is our deeply rooted desire to personally go do our thing—to light that fire within ourselves.

We see this mastery and deep down have a reaction of wanting to go dust that thing we love off and master it in our own lives, but sometimes we confusingly equate this mirror opportunity moment with desire.

Deep down it is not their shine we want, but ours.

But we don't see this—because we are rarely awake to our mirrors.

What these moments really are, are a moment to ask, are we doing what we love?

Are we mastering ourselves?

It is a mirror for those of us not yet mastering our craft, to see what is looks and feels like to see somebody mastering theirs.

It is an opportunity for us, to have a moment where can check in and ground into if we are doing what makes us shine—if we are not only doing it, but mastering it.

If we shine and have mastered what we love—we might not be so enticed by this.

However, me in my twenties—not doing what she loved (bartending and selling condos, but deep down wishing to write) saw this mirror and instead of going, "Wow, that person is super appealing to me because it is attractive as HELL to do what is authentic to you and do it well. I should probably look inside, self reflect and then go master whatever my thing is." I just thought because it was shiny I should try and be close to it—maybe touch it with my vagina and see if I could trap that shine and keep it forever.

Touching the shine = sex and attempts at relationships with elusive, unavailable men.

Men who wrote Kerouac quotes on their records at three am, staring romantically into my eyes over wine in bars with carpets that smelled like skanky beer and old cigarettes before taking off in the morning for another city and another pair of eyes/legs to fall into.

Men who wrote twangs and love ballads about me, left lavender bushes on my doorstep and wildflowers in my window sill.

Yeah, those ones. Sigh.

Instead of hearing the message delivered to me by these blue jean wearing, G string playing, universe vessels and then going to master me, I unconsciously figured I would just try and sleep with the message delivery boy, for a quick hit.



Spoiler alert—this is like a band-aid, it doesn't work.

That itch to shine inside of you is something only you can fill, by doing it yourself.

Inspiring, successful friends, mentors, lovers and people in your life are valuable because they draw out and show you where the itch is—but nothing will be as satisfying as you doing your thing, ever.

Are you with me, guys?

Itch that shit deeper—and preferably not with your vagina.

Shit = the thing you love.

I've been working at that itch the last three years, and thankfully musicians are less appetizing.

I have a greater appetite, which is to master my thing I love.

I also have learned this last year what it feels like to be shiny when I am around people who are not yet mastering or aware of what their craft is.

Being on the other side of that mirror is an important experience, too.

So the next time you feel your panties trying to run away on you when some musician whips out the G string in a folk melody, check in—is he really your prince or is he just a mirror and a subtle message from the universe saying, "Yo, girl—go do that thing that lights you on fire, already."

I can tell you from experience, it is more satisfying to build your own shine, than to try fill yourself by eating that shine from the hands of somebody else.

Don't fuck the universe delivery boy, or do—but be aware you're touching a hot stove, before you touch it.

And what is even MORE satisfying, is mastering your shine and then finding someone else who shines just as bright and creating together.

That shit is blinding.

Go find what lights you on fire and hit that—instead of musicians. TC mark

What Each Myers-Briggs Type Does At A Wedding

Posted: 02 Aug 2016 07:00 PM PDT

Hugo Coelho
Hugo Coelho


Swears up and down that they don't want to go. Winds up having the best time, even if they'll never admit it.


Is the only person who actually manages to hook up with someone at the wedding. (Namely the hot groomsman everyone's been swooning over.)


Is the hot groomsman. Got here on his motorcycle and forgot his cummerbund.


Shows up wearing the newest fashion to a cloud of compliments. Hasn't been seen in months because they were traveling around India and writing about it for a magazine.


Doesn't dance. Spends the night making wry observations to the appreciation of the ISFP.


Shows up with high hopes that their soulmate will be at the wedding. Winds up crying during the bride and groom's first dance because it's "so beautiful".


Drinks eight glasses of champagne and winds up dancing barefoot in the middle of the dance floor. Everyone joins in and remembers the moment for years.


Spends their time judging the ENFJ and pocketing food to take home to eat as lunch for the week.


Caught the wedding bouquet. Spends the rest of the night being pushed to talk to handsome strangers by their friends. Probably finds "the one".


Gets the father of the groom into a long discussion about applied mathematics while the father was supposed to be taking group photos.


Says they're there for the networking. Secretly cries in the bathroom because they're single. Is slightly mollified by cake and a new lead on an account they've been trying to land.


Is happy that the wedding's nearly over because they are growing weary of having to keep the peace between the cliques of bridesmaids.


Crashes the wedding. By the end of the night they have somehow made a hundred new best friends.


Picks up where the "incompetent" wedding planner left off. Makes sure that people know that they're the reason that the reception went smoothly. Is mostly right.


Is the reason that the ESTJ can only claim partial credit. When the ESTJ found out they were missing a centerpiece the ESFJ managed to whip one up from somewhere.


After conquering their initial nervousness, they killed it with their toast. People were laughing themselves silly, and in fact, the ISTP may have gone viral for it. TC mark

18 Extra Sexy Things She Wants To See You Do While She’s Sucking Your Dick

Posted: 02 Aug 2016 06:00 PM PDT

1. Be expressive. It’s okay if your orgasm face makes you look like you’re in pain. She wants to see that her hard work is actually paying off, so don’t hold back. What you find silly, she’ll probably find sexy.

2. Look down at her so she knows that you’re not fantasizing about the hot waitress you gave a twenty dollar tip to at dinner.

3. Tell her how amazing her skin, her lips, and her tongue feel against your cock.

4. Then tell her how hot she looks. Compliment her eyes, her tits, her ass–anything that turns you on.

5. It’s more than okay to play with her hair or to grab the back of it. Just don’t use your hold on her to force yourself down her throat. Let her do her thing.

6. Speaking of letting her do her thing, resist the urge to thrust your hips. If you force your cock so far down that it hits her gag reflex, neither of you are going to have a great time.

7. Moan. Don’t hold any of those sexy sounds back. Make it clear that you’re beyond thrilled she’s decided to go down on you.

8. Oral doesn’t have to be fueled by dirty talk. You can tell her you love her, too. Those sweet words will encourage her to make you orgasm as hard as she possibly can.

9. Bite your lip. Clench your fists. Do little things that show her you’re having the best fucking time of your life.

10. Give her instructions–but only realistic ones. If you want her to go slower, let her know. But don’t tell her to go deeper, because she might not be physically capable of doing that without vomiting on your lap.

11. Ask her if she’s comfortable. If she’s in a weird position with her neck craned and back hunched, move around until you’re both in a better position. She’ll appreciate your thoughtfulness.

12. Tell her, in detail, all the ways you’re going to return the favor after you orgasm. When she hears you talking about licking her pussy, she’ll be even more enthusiastic about sucking your cock.

13. Focus all of your energy on what’s happening below the belt. Now is not the time to grab your phone or to glance up at the television to see what types of shenanigans Ray Romano is up to. You’re getting your dick sucked. Enjoy it.

14. When she needs a break to rest her jaw, don’t make her feel like shit. Dirty talk to keep her in the moment. You could even lift her onto your lap and start kissing her, so she has a chance to rest.

15. Now, this should happen before the blowjob actually starts, but try to add more pineapple and cinnamon to your diet, so your semen tastes delicious. It’ll make her more likely to swallow in the future.

16. Tell her when you’re coming close to cumming, so she’s prepared. If she doesn’t actually want to swallow your load, then it’ll give her time to move her mouth away.

17. Not all orgasms are created equal, so when you finish, tell her how good it all felt. Remind her that she’s amazing at what she does, so she’s eager to do it again.

18. When it’s all said and done, cuddle her. Make it clear that you love her for her, and not just for her spectacular blowjob skills. TC mark

For Every Girl Who Doesn’t Feel Like She’s Enough

Posted: 02 Aug 2016 05:00 PM PDT


Here's the thing. What is 'enough'? It's this abstract idea, this unmeasurable concept, this strange way of labeling and defining and putting ourselves into boxes of how and where we fit with the rest of the world.

But what is 'enough?'

Enough what—pretty enough, strong enough, kind enough, patient enough, funny enough, social enough, outgoing enough, smart enough.

Listen. There's always going to be something that you're not 'enough' of. There's always going to be some part of you that won't measure up to perfection because guess what? You're not perfect.

You're always going to be a little too loud and not enough street-smarts. Or stubborn and not enough patience. Or too calm and not enough spark.

There's always going to be some tiny part of you that doesn't exactly fit the box that someone else wants to put you in. But you know what, f*ck that box.

You are you.
And you are enough.

You have to realize this about the world—it's continually trying to shape you, trying to mold you, trying to change you. There's nothing wrong with growing and becoming new, but you can't look at your life like it's forever coming up short. You can't see yourself as merely a collection of flaws, never being worthy, never being right, never being enough.

Because there will be plenty of people and moments and times in life when you don't measure up. But thousands more where you will.

It's time to shed the expectations that the world puts on you and make your own. It's time to disconnect from toxic people that continually find fault with who you are. It's time to pull away from relationships where you feel like you're in a constant battle to be in that person's favor.

It's time to realize that you are enough. And you've always been enough.

Don't worry about love. Love will come, and the right person will know that you cannot be perfect, and won't try to put you in a box of perfection. The right person will love you in spite of your flaws, because of your flaws, and even love your flaws.

The right person won't keep a tally of all the ways you don't measure up to his/her expectations. The right person will love you because you're simply you. So don't worry about love.

And don't worry about this world. You will never be enough for every single way of this world and that's okay.

You are enough in your being. Your quirky, flawed, imperfect being. You are enough with your smile. You are enough in how you take on the world, how you never give up, how you keep on pushing, even when the world pushes you down.

Listen. You are enough. So please remember this and walk with your head held high. TC mark

Ask Him These 50 Questions To Give Him The Best Sex Of His Goddamn Life

Posted: 02 Aug 2016 04:01 PM PDT

1. Where do you want to cum?

2. What position will give you the most intense orgasm?

3. Do you like it best when your dick is in my pussy, my mouth, or my ass?

4. Does hearing me moan turn you on?

5. Do you prefer it when I get a Brazilian or leave it all natural?

6. What kind of lingerie do you think looks the sexiest on me?

7. What’s the naughtiest thing you’ve ever thought about doing to me?

8. Does it turn you on when you see me turned on?

9. Do you want to hear me talk dirty?

10. Do you want a better view of my ass or my tits?

11. What scenario do you want to roleplay tonight?

12. Do you have any fetishes you’ve never mentioned before?

13. What body part do you love to feel my lips pressed up against?

14. Do you want me to send you nudes to get you more excited about tonight?

15. Do you want me to keep the lights on or turn them off?

16. What do I do that turns you on the most?

17. Do you want me to give you a strip tease?

18. Is there anything you want to try that we’ve never done before?

19. What music do you want me to put on?

20. What room of the house do you want to fuck me in?

21. Do you want to get on top or should I?

22. Do you want to have sex in public, so you’ll get an adrenaline rush?

23. Do you want to have a quickie or make this nice and long?

24. What’s the kinkiest dream that you’ve ever had?

25. Do you want to use any sex toys tonight?

26. Do you want to tie me up?

27. Do you want to be tied up?

28. Where is one place that you’ve never had sex before?

29. Do you want me to be rough or gentle?

30. What’s the most sensitive spot on your body?

31. Do you want me to wake you up with oral?

32. Does sexting or phone sex turn you on more?

33. Do you want to do anal?

34. Do you want to watch me touch myself?

35. Do you prefer having sex while drunk or while sober?

36. Do you want me to keep my heels on while we fuck?

37. Which position gives you the best view of my body?

38. Do you like it better when I’m loud or when I try to keep my screams in?

39. Do you want to try having sex outside?

40. Would it turn you on to have sex in front of other people?

41. Would videotaping us having sex make you horny?

42. Which part of my body turns you on the most?

43. Would you get hard if you saw me kiss another girl?

44. Do you want to watch porn while you fuck me?

45. What kind of foreplay is your favorite?

46. What sex scene from the movies turns you on the most?

47. If you could do absolutely anything to me right now, what would it be?

48. Do you want me to go down on you before we have sex?

49. Does eating me out make you hard?

50. What was the best orgasm I’ve ever given you? TC mark

How To Go From Friend To Lover In 3 Easy Steps

Posted: 02 Aug 2016 03:00 PM PDT


I'm not going to start off this blog with a fluffy intro that talks about the pain you feel from having a woman in your life that you DESPERATELY want more from but just can't seem to make it happen.


Because I know that you don't need a reminder of what it is you are experiencing. You need solutions, action and steps to make change. Am I right?

Listen, I've been in the friend zone. So I know it freaking SUCKS!!!!

You sit.

You wait.

You "perform" and show the best version of yourself hoping, that just maybe they'll notice and think, "Wow. You are so awesome. I don't know why I didn't see it before. I want to be with you!!! I'm so stupid for not thinking of you in that way."

Sadly, that never happens.

Why? Because change will never happen IF you are waiting on her to give you the GREEN LIGHT to go after what you want.

The thing is, that with women, we need you to make us feel something about you in order for us to even consider as more than a friend.

AND you can't make us feel something if you are always holding back, biting your tongue and trying to please us with your actions i.e. gifts, being there for us etc…. If you want more from this women you have to start BEING more and going after more.

The only one keeping you in the friend zone is you my friend.

I learned that the hard way but luckily I learned how to get out of the friend zone and how to make sure I never put myself there in the first place.

I'm going to break down for you How To Go From Friend To Lover In 3 Easy Steps.


No more sitting back and waiting for her to tell you that you are allowed to flirt with her. FLIRT, tease, challenge. Say things that she may not agree with or that you feel strongly about with fear that she may or may not like you.

Get her to feel something about you and take notice of you. Right now you are simply the nice little puppy that's by her side. Be the bull dog that pulls her around a bit but also gives her awesome attention when he decides.


That means you are full permission to use words like DATE when referring to what you are doing with her. You can tell her she's sexy. You can look her in the eyes, smirk and then brush her hair away from her face. OR you can be really bold and tell her exactly what you want from her "I think you are awesome, smart, sexy and unlike any other woman I've met before. There is something about you that draws me to you. I know we are friends but I'd like to explore more with you." Say that coupled with the change in behavior, touching, direct voice tonality and she will get what it is you want.

STEP 3: This the most important one – DON'T SETTLE FOR LESS:

If you are hanging out with a woman BUT what you really want is something more then don't settle for less. If you have tried #1 and #2 and her behavior is not following your to a more flirty level OR if she starts to get uncomfortable and shy away, then she is not into you and doesn't want what you want. Which means it's time to alter your "friendship" and start to explore other women that could give you what you want.

NOTE: If you really do enjoy your friendship and are okay with just being friends with no hopes of still becoming more, then you can maintain the friendship but don't give it as much attention as you were in the past.

And there you have it!

Now all you have to do is start doing what I've said and you'll be surprised at how quickly things change. TC mark

I Think I Knew You Were Gone Before You Even Left

Posted: 02 Aug 2016 02:01 PM PDT


The image we portrayed to the world was picturesque. Two small town, high school sweethearts, who had endured through so much and finally found our way back to each other. It was Nicholas Sparks worthy really. But that image was never the truth was it.

I finally realized that as I was painting our cabinets the perfect shade of off-white, in our newly acquired, small but perfect house on the lake. It was perfect to me because I would be sharing it with you.

I painted. I cried. With each brush stroke I could feel a piece of my heart fall.

I think I knew I would never put our brand new set of dishes in those cabinets to store.

I think I knew we would never share the same bed in the room I had painted.

I think I knew you were gone before you were home.

I wonder sometimes if I ever really knew you. We both changed throughout the years, but I always thought we had grown together. Instead you had one foot out of the door before I finished fixing the

I know you think I’m mad at you for leaving. That I blame you for everything, but I can’t. I can’t be that selfish to place the burden on your shoulders when it should equally be on mine. I could feel you slipping and I only grasped harder.

I am mad at you for the way you left. It must have been easy for you, to TEXT me from across the country, one month before you came home, to tell me that throwing away 10 years was for the best. I can’t explain to you the feeling of that. Like a rug had been ripped out from under me, with no floor to catch me so I continued to fall. Like I had suddenly been placed on a beach with a tsunami wave about to crash just feet in front me. Like I was trapped inside our new home while a tornado tore through it, taking my breath and heart with it.

You gave me short, unfulfilled explanations. You blamed me for changing. And I knew that this time, there would be no closure given from you. No words of comfort or love. And so, slowly, I took everything back from our home that I had given…And I made my own.

Because I think I knew you were too scared.

I think I knew you could never handle the amount of love I was willing to give.

I think I knew I would be infinitely happier without you…and you knew it too.

So I built a home, something my own, without a trace of you or the storm you caused. And I started my own happily ever after. TC mark

When You’re Emotionally Wrecked From The Person Who Only Wanted You Late At Night

Posted: 02 Aug 2016 01:00 PM PDT

Natalie Allen
Natalie Allen

I spent so much of my time seeking your unspoken approval, to the point where my self-worth was measured by whether or not you would come to love me. Every action, every decision that I made, had some implication that I hoped you would notice. I changed a part of me to become someone that you could find yourself falling in love with. Maybe it made sense at the time. But looking back, did I really think that our foundation built solely on nights spent together would go somewhere?

I mean after all, here I am still writing about you, even after everything we had between us amounted to nothing. When I think about it now, we really didn't have anything between us save for lust and pillow talk. But in my mind, I made it into so much more. And I wish that I could let myself believe that it was okay to become nearly infatuated with someone who probably didn't think twice of me. But mostly I feel stupid about it. I always hoped that the day would come when you would finally want to be with me. I wonder if I ever knew deep down that it never would.

How I felt about myself slowly became based on how I thought you felt about me.

I tried to compare myself to all the pretty girls that you would hang around, while you pretended that the nights we spent together did not exist. And in my mind, I was no comparison to them and I never would be. When You’re Emotionally Wrecked From The Person Who Only Wanted You Late At Night

I had to deal with so many of your mixed messages and gestures that I was left emotionally wrecked – emotionally wrecked from someone who I wasn't even in a relationship with. From someone who wouldn't even acknowledge me in public but would treat me like we were dating in the bedroom.

When I first met you, I guess I was looking for someone to fill the void my first love left, and you were a perfect fit. And I will admit that looking back on the good times, those few months were really good and we both felt it. I won't lie and say that I don't miss that. I miss that feeling of hope and happiness when I would get that late night text from you.

It's sad that what I miss, all that we had, is based mostly off of late night texts and waiting up for one another to come over.

That feeling should be based off of so many other things before it is based off of what we had. If I wasn't so blinded by you, I would have realized that. I would have realized there were never foundations on which you could come to love me, and maybe it would have saved me a lot of pain.

Now that I've learned my lesson the hard way over the last two years, I hope I am only going to give my heart to somebody worthy of it. I willed myself to believe that you were, but deep down I knew you weren't. And I know that I'm not completely over it, or else I wouldn't be writing this now. But come the fall, it will be the first time that you won't be around and in close proximity to me. And maybe I won't walk around everywhere on guard thinking that maybe I'll see you, imagining up fake conversations that we would have just in case I did. Or staying up late with that last hope that I'll get a text from you, asking to see me. Because you'll be gone and I think that's the best thing that could happen to me.

I wish there was something I could thank you for, like how people thank their ex's for teaching them a valuable lesson. I'm sure maybe there is. But I haven't quite figured it out yet; I'm still trying to figure myself out. So for now, I'll take a step in the right direction, and thank you for the memories. As tainted with pain as they may be, we both know we had a good time together, regardless of all the torment you unknowingly put me through. I'm sorry I was never that girl for you, and I know you're sorry too. TC mark