Thought Catalog

36 Sexts To Send Her Before You See Her If You Want Her Pussy Wet

Posted: 03 Aug 2016 08:15 PM PDT

1. I’m going to make you orgasm again and again until you lose count.

2. I’ll be there in 10 minutes, and your bra will be off in 11.

3. If you want me to fuck you, wear red. If you want me to eat you out, wear blue.

4. Just thinking about seeing you is making my cock twitch.

5. I forgot what your pussy tastes like. You’ll have to remind me tonight.

6. Tonight, we’re going to have the type of sex you’ll masturbate to tomorrow.

7. I want to hear you moan against my pillowcase and then see you bite down into it.

8. I’m going to start by running my tongue around your nipples and finish by rubbing it against your clit.

9. I want my lips on your neck and your voice in my ear.

10. I’m going to give you the three most intense orgasms of your life tonight.

11. I’m going to rub my dick against your throbbing wet pussy until you’re begging me to come inside you.

12. Don’t bother putting a bra on, because I’m going to rip it right off.

13. I’m bringing handcuffs. All you have to do is decide if you want them on your wrists or mine.

14. Tell your roommate to find another place to sleep tonight, unless she wants to hear you moaning through the walls until 2AM.

15. Your orgasm face is gorgeous. I can’t wait to see it.

16. If you’re not horny now, you will be soon. That’s a promise.

17. Do you want me to pick up a pizza we can eat after I finish eating you out?

18. Tonight, I’m going to be doing the filthiest things to the most beautiful woman in the world.

19. I want to kiss you on the small of your back, on the side of your neck, and on the lips of your pussy.

20. I’m going to use one hand to play with your hair while the other plays with your pussy.

21. I can’t wait to feel your thighs squeeze my head as you orgasm against my tongue.

22. Don’t even think about doing your hair today, because I’m going to be yanking on it while you suck my cock.

23. I’ve stopped watching porn, because none of those women are half as sexy as you.

24. Guess how many times I masturbated to you this week?

25. I can’t wait until we live together, so I don’t have to drive for an hour to see that hot body.

26. I’m bringing you a bag full of sex toys and a bag full of McDonald’s.

27. I don’t care if I have to go down on you for a full hour, as long as it makes that gorgeous body tremble in ecstasy.

28. I won’t let you ride me tonight, because it’s my turn to do all the work and your turn to do all the orgasming.

29. Just thinking about your smile makes my jeans tight.

30. I want to make soft, sweet love to you. And then I want to fuck you up against the bedroom wall.

31. I’m going to make you orgasm twice before I let myself orgasm once.

32. I can’t wait to see you naked and bent over with my cock up your ass.

33. I bought another box of condoms. We’re going to need them.

34. I put mirrors up in the bedroom, because I want to see every side of your beautiful body.

35. Do you want me to fuck you on the couch, so you can watch your show while you orgasm?

36. I don’t care what the fuck you’re wearing when I get there. But I know it’s going to make me hard, because you look beautiful in everything. TC mark

35 Insanely Sexy Photos Of Asses That Will Make You Really Horny

Posted: 03 Aug 2016 08:00 PM PDT


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TC mark

If You Really Want To Know Someone, Get Them Mad

Posted: 03 Aug 2016 07:00 PM PDT


If you really want to know someone, look past the way they treat you when everything is all sunshine and rainbows. Look past the way they treat you on the first date, look past the cute little texts they send you when they’re in a good mood, and look past the way they act when they're happy.

Those things are all fine and dandy to know, but those things won't really teach you who they really are as a person.

If you want to really know someone, get them mad.

Get them mad and see how the react, but more importantly how they treat you because a person's true colors and character reveal when they get mad.

See if they're bound to just pack up and leave, see if they become abusive and violent, see if they are completely irrational and mean.

You want to hear the things that come out of their mouth when they're mad at you because you don't want to be with someone who is aggressive and vulgar every time they get angry, that isn't healthy and that surely isn't good for you.

You might be in a bad relationship with a toxic person and not even know it because you've never seen them get angry before.

Placing blame on others is a victim's mindset; it's not an empowering and in control mindset.

By getting them mad you expose a part of them they try to keep under wraps. You expose a piece of them that they probably don't like, but that piece says a lot about them.

I don't like the way I am when I get angry, but I've never taken my anger deliberately out on another person and tried making them feel worthless.

You want to be with someone who can still respect you even when they're angry at you. If you lack respect at one of your most temperamental and honest states then you're in trouble. You have to respect your partner and more than that you have to respect yourself, even when you're angry you have to keep it together for the most part and not act out of spite.

You want to be with someone who can look at you and still tell you that no matter how angry you make them that they still love you.

You want to be with someone who you can have a conversation with about your emotions, even when you're fired up and angry.

You want to be with someone who can talk through your problems and can try to handle them as calmly as possible. Don't let your problems go unresolved, don't let them just fizzle away and "worry about them later" because that won't fix anything.

You don't want to be with someone who is petty and out of control. You don't want to be with someone who starts speaking to you like you're the dirt underneath their shoes. You don't want to be with someone who calls you names or puts a hand on you. You don't want to be with someone who gets violent and aggressive towards others because you can certainly tell a lot about someone in the heat of the moment.

You don't want to be with someone who gets angry and hurts you, but you're the one who ends up apologizing.

You don't want any of that.

Be with someone who can still tell you they love you even when they're angry, be with someone who will work things out and communicate about your issues instead of jumping down your throat and calling you names.

If you really want to know what someone is like, get them mad because that will be the best judge of character and you’ll really see what you’re working with. TC mark

This Waitress Threatened Customers On Facebook, And What Happened Next Is Pure Karma

Posted: 03 Aug 2016 06:15 PM PDT

Flickr / Donald West
Flickr / Donald West

Haven’t people learned to not post incriminating shit on social media yet?

A waitress was furious after customers didn’t tip her an appropriate amount after their hefty bill. And, yes, people who don’t tip are shitty. However, threatening them on Facebook probably wasn’t the way to go.

But she did.


And most unfortunately for the waitress, someone who wasn’t a fan of her behavior stumbled upon this post and did a little research…


And put that research to good use.


And the result…


I guess this waitress won’t be getting anymore bad tips! TC mark

The Real Way To Get Engaged According To My Facebook Friends

Posted: 03 Aug 2016 06:00 PM PDT

Josh Felise
Josh Felise

There comes a time in our mid twenties when suddenly all the people you knew and loved and barely said a word to in 9th grade biology class start getting engaged.

You think to yourself a variety of things such as, "When did they even get an S/O?" and "Wow they can do better" to even "I can barely feed myself three times a day or fold my laundry and these people CAN HANDLE A WHOLE OTHER PERSON ATTACHED TO THEM ALL THE TIME?"

So here are the 10 fool proof steps to follow if you plan on getting engaged and shouting to the world "I’M CHANGING MY TAX FORMS!"

1. Post a picture of spontaneous moment taken by a. some lurking friend or b. Professional engagement photographer if you're fancy. This must be at the top of a hiking trail, a beach, or scenic city. If not might as well not even consider yourself a HUMAN WORTHY OF LOVE.

2. Post a picture announcing you are going to marry your best friend. This of course is replacing your actual life long best friends who you now no longer need since you are oh so to be wed. Remember that romantic partners come before everyone else in your life. Romantic love is the most important thing in the world and if no one wants to marry you; you die from pathetic loneliness.

3. Post a picture proclaiming you are now the future Mr. Or Mrs. Whatever and throw away your last name. This goes for all sexualities. Bonus points if you keep it you progressive thing you! This must be written in fancy script on a rustic chalk board otherwise your name becomes I AM SHIT #245642 on your birth certificate.

4. Post a picture of your hand with THE RING. Become the hand model you've always wanted to be. Clutch it, breathe on it, and if anyone tries to touch it scream and hiss and go back to your hideaway in the rocky mountainous abyss.

5. Post a picture of you and your spouse together on this special day! Make sure you pose in such a way that conveys you will be boring parents in 5-10 years.

6. DONT. STOP. POSTING. EVER. The time is now for likes, loves, and wows. No one will ever give you this much attention than this year of your life again. The institution runs real deep and we're all automatically compelled as humans to like people's happy events.

7. Post a status about how much you love your family and friends for all the support and congrats. Really drag it out; don't doubt yourself sunshine, you're the star of the show !

8. Reinforce to these same friends and family that this is the biggest accomplishment of your life and not your doctorate thesis, or community award, or Nobel peace prize. You dirty ole ragged thing found someone to schtup you on a regular basis for a while! It's truly something.

9. Record the dress/suit shopping, the planning, the bridal party invites(so everyone knows which friends got snubbed and destined to their fate as lowly regular guests), the bridal shower invites,the golden shower invites, and every time you take a shit because now that shit is ENGAGED.

10. Always remember to make sure you put the GAG in ENGAGED so people like me can be hilarious and bitter for the rest of our sad sad lives! TC mark

5 Thought-Provoking Books All Young And Independent Women Need To Read

Posted: 03 Aug 2016 05:00 PM PDT


In a 2015 interview with Seth Meyers, author Junot Diaz said, "If you don't want to deal and relate and think about what it means to be a woman in this planet — you're going to have serious problems."

Junot Diaz has penned just one of millions of books that inadvertently expose the triumphs and tragedies that encapsulate being a young woman.

Here is a list of five books that I believe can encourage women to revisit what they have overcome, to ponder how their experiences resemble that of many other women, and to decide what it means to be their own women in 2016.

Luckiest Girl Alive by Jessica Knoll

I feel fortunate to have read this book, as it reaffirmed something I learned in college: You never truly know the life that another woman has lived.

Knoll introduces us to Ani, a beautiful and successful 20-something who has what every girl wants. Ani has the amazing job, amazing shoes, and amazing guy. The reader quickly learns however of Ani's duplicitous and challenging existence. Ani has a past, and it's a miracle she's still standing.

This novel prompts you to stop and re-evaluate how toxic and misplaced your jealousy can be. It is thought-provoking and holds your attention with its every word.

Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? And Other Concerns by Mindy Kaling

I have no idea how Mindy Kaling can make a book feel like a simple, hilarious, and long conversation with your college roommate but HERE WE ARE. Kaling is hilarious. You are with her in every retelling of her awkward work jokes, horrific apartment conditions, and hopes that her dating prospects would you know, be as mature as they are pretty.

This is the book you need to add to your personal library if you want to laugh by yourself in public. Kaling makes you wish that her stories, and this memoir, would not end.

She recently penned a second memoir, Why Not Me?, which was released in 2015.

The Girls by Emma Cline

This book is BANANAS. Before my mid-twenties, I hated reading. I don't know who that book-hating human is anymore because I read this novel in a DAY. Cline has a storytelling gift. I want to follow her around and request that she teach me each of her ways.

This novel exceptionally encapsulates the potential toxicity of early adolescent relationships when one is desperate for friends. It tells the story of a young woman who is inadvertently lured into a cult and is blinded by her desire to be accepted and loved by a friend.

The novel demands every ounce of your attention and interest; it causes the reader to pause and consider the graphic nature of others' realities.

The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz

I cannot recommend this book enough. One of my former student's parents said that she had never seen her daughter enjoy reading until she read this novel. I never truly enjoyed reading until I read this novel.

There are a myriad of reasons to read this: the hilarious and brutal narration, the historical significance, the opportunity to root for the definition of an underdog, among others. One of its strongest points, however, is the role of the female characters.

Each female character in this novel is her own woman who makes absolutely zero apologies for who she is. Each woman owns her choices, her sexuality, and her vulnerability. Reading this book made me less afraid to be who I am, all parts of me included.

The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

I chose to read this because I kept seeing happiness journals all over the place connected to and/or inspired by this memoir. I am elated that I picked this one up.

The book is structured like so: each chapter features a different subject (i.e. friendship, love, parenthood, etc.) that entails specific goals and ideas that Rubin attempts to fulfill.

Even though I am not married and I do not have children, I found myself unconsciously adapting kernels of advice and ideas that Rubin mentions. For instance, Rubin's first chapter is about eliminating clutter and she introduces this mind-boggling rule: if it takes under a minute to complete a task, do that task.

Suddenly, I had Gretchen Rubin's voice in my ear as I debated whether or not to hang up my cardigan after a long day of work.

It's just one of those books that compels you to make the most out of the little steps. Rubin gave us some good with this one.

In the past year or so, I have encountered five books that have exceptionally inspired me to ponder my gender, and how I can cultivate the gifts that make up the zany, cautiously optimistic young woman who I am. I hope one or more of these gives you some of what they have given to me. TC mark

If You See Him, Tell Him I Miss Him

Posted: 03 Aug 2016 04:00 PM PDT


If you see him,
Tell him I'm still here
Tell him I'll still answer his call
Tell him I'll still listen to his stories
Tell him that he'll always be my favorite
If you see him,
Tell him she's fighting battles
And losing
Tell him she's hiding scars
And bleeding
Tell him she's still healing
From a wound you left open
If you see him,
Tell him she tried to love others
And ended up leaving them
Because they're not you
Because they don't sing her song
Because they don't see her
Because they're trying to understand her
And you know she can't be understood
She can only be loved

If you see him,
Tell him I miss him,
Tell him I still need him
When my world falls apart
Tell him I still want to run to him
When I need to run from the world
Tell him I can’t forget him
Tell him I do nothing but remember him

If you see him,
Tell him I'm sorry
For not being able to tell him
All that myself
For being a coward
For being prideful
For being scared
Tell him I'm sorry
I wasn't honest with him
I wasn't brave with him
Tell him I'm sorry
Because I didn't fight for him
When he left
Because I didn't try harder
When he gave up
Tell him I'm sorry
Because I couldn't love him fearlessly

If you see him,
Tell him I'm still here
And he can come back
And I will still let him in
In a heartbeat. TC mark

The Next Time I Fall In Love, It Will Be For Real

Posted: 03 Aug 2016 03:15 PM PDT

Toa Heftiba
Toa Heftiba

The next time I find love, I promise to take it slow.

I will honor each process that one has to go through along with the other in every budding relationship. I will enjoy the getting-to-know-each-other phase and remind myself that one of the keys to a great relationship is knowing your partner in a deep, personal level. Most of us tend to disregard or skip this part in fear that the relationship won't push through. Don't, because if it's meant to be, it will be.

The next time I find love, I will build friendship first.

They say friendship is the best foundation for relationships. I almost didn't believe this until I heard the greatest love story that has ever been told to me – my parents', and by God's grace and hard work, they're still together, 36 years strong.

I believe it is really important because when all else fails, friendship remains. There will come a time when there will be nothing left but this kind of relationship coated in deep respect. It will always be something that you go back to, a trusted guide that will remind why you fell in love with the person in the first place.

The next time I find love, I will be crazy.

But it will be the right kind of crazy.

It will be a selfless but a cautious kind of love. I will give my all, the very best of me, but I shall know that all relationships have uncertainties. My bad kind of crazy will use these uncertainties to let the person go and hurt him, but my good kind of crazy of which I am going to properly execute, will use these uncertainties to love and love more.

The good kind of crazy will always make room for mistakes, but never a hall for abuse.

The next time I find love, I will be completely aware of the consequences of putting myself once again on the line, that there will be stab wounds, gun shots, bleeding, and broken hearts. And I might die again.

But I have died and died because of love, but I always come back to life.

The next time I find love, I know there will be no more stab wounds, gun shots, bleeding, and broken hearts because the next time I find love, it will no longer hurt for love wasn't made to hurt. The right kind of love wasn't.

The right kind of love is the kind that is happy. The right kind of love is the kind that lasts.

The next time I find love, it will no longer hurt because it will be with you.

And love, ours will feel right because it is and it will be beautiful because we found it together.

So meet me halfway, I'll see you soon. TC mark

30 People Share Their Gross And Gritty Experiences With Truck Stop Prostitutes

Posted: 03 Aug 2016 03:00 PM PDT

Flickr / Abecedarian Gallery
Flickr / Abecedarian Gallery
Found on AskReddit.

1. I had watched them go in and out of other trucks for a while, cum dripping down their legs.

"Only ever saw a couple…both times they knocked I had been sitting up front smoking and watching Netflix so I had watched them go in and out of other trucks for a while, cum dripping down their legs. So if that isn’t enough to make you vomit and say no (and it was for me). they were old and toothless so not just no…Hell, no!"

2. A vagina covered in what can only be imagined as grease, warts, and some indescribable mix of unhealthiness.

"My friend once told me that he encountered the legendary chili pussy—a vagina covered in what can only be imagined as grease, warts, and some indescribable mix of unhealthiness. I wasn’t told whether or not he did or didn’t, all I know is he saw it."

3. She pissed herself in his driver’s seat, hopped out of the truck, and casually walked away.

"My dad is a truck driver. One time he thought he locked the truck, but when he came back to his truck, the lot lizard was in his seat. When he said he wasn’t interested and he’s married and to get out of his truck, she said, ‘Well, fine then.’

Then she pissed herself in his driver’s seat, hopped out of the truck, and casually walked away."

4. She squats down and douches with the Sprite.

"I was about an hour South of Dallas at this non-chain stop with a Wendy’s, I’m walking back with my Dave’s double and fries and see this fairly attractive woman knock on a truck door. She goes in, 10 minutes later comes out with a bottle of Sprite. Knocks on the next door, 10-15 minutes later hops out of that one. Before she goes for her third, she squats down and douches with the Sprite.

This was at about 1 PM and I was driving midnight-noon. When my co-driver got back in I told him to lock the doors before I went to bed.

I had strange dreams that night. I’d seen the unicorn. The chupacabra. I’d seen an attractive lot lizard."

5. He said his girl would blow me for $20 or he would blow me for $10.

"Not a truck driver, but I was walking out of a gas station and this guy walks up to me. He asks me if he got his girl to blow me would I give him 20 bucks for gas. I politely decline and walk away. He runs up to me and says he’d blow me for 10. Um, no thank you and I get in my car and drive away."

6. One in particular liked to educate me on douching and using BenGay on her asshole.

"Used to work at a truck stop. I saw lots of aged women in mesh clothing. One in particular liked to educate me on douching and using BenGay on her asshole.

I was asked a few times to accompany truck drivers for a week for 1,000$—never accepted. I don’t want to be murdered.

I had to convince one (the BenGay lady) that she needed an ambulance. She asked for a chair and told me how a driver threw her out of his truck last week and her ankle was killing her. She showed it to me and it was hugely swollen and black and blue. She had a broken ankle. And showed me her fancy boot and crutches a few days after she was released from the hospital and was back at the lot.

We had one that was arrested for stealing air fresheners (the ones you hang over your mirror made out of cardboard)."

7. He dumped a bottle of several-day-old piss on her head.

"I drove for a bit a few years back. While I was training, my trainer and I parked in this truck stop near Brownsville, TX that was notorious for lot lizards. One in particular was especially persistent. She kept knocking on the door every 30 minutes or so for a period of hours.

Now an important side note to this story is the fact that, owing to the nature of the job truckers can’t always stop to piss so they piss in Gatorade bottles.

So back to crazy lot lizard, after hours of telling this ugly, dirty, meth-spotted woman ‘no, I don’t need company’ my trainer opened the door to the truck and dumped a bottle of several-day-old piss on her head, ending the offers of her sexual services for the night."

8. She was older than dirt, scabby and shabby.

"Thee most nastiest lot lizard I ever seen and heard was this one that worked a truck stop in Laredo, TX. She was older than dirt, scabby and shabby, gets on the CB and asked, ‘Who wanted some booger?’ all the time, I forgot her name but her raspy voice I can hear it when I think about this.

God, she was the epitome of a hag, but truth be told she was actually pretty entertaining, but she made money, so I don’t know who’s worse, her or the drivers who rented that booger."

9. I was propositioned by a mother-and-daughter team.

"Not a truck driver but I travel across the country quite often with my pickup and a work trailer every few months.

My trailer needed a part welded in Big Spring, TX so I spent the night sleeping in my pickup and a woman that I assume was in her 50s and her 19-year-old daughter knocked on my window to wake me up.

They asked me if I was looking for a good time and then gave me some guilt-trip story about how they were stuck and needed gas money after I refused. I declined again and drove to the welding shop and parked there for the night."

10. The first thing out of her mouth was ‘I’m not a lot lizard, I’ve got all my teeth.’

"I was at a rest stop near NYC and was filling out my paperwork when a guy approached. I assumed he was another driver and was asking for some tools or something. I rolled down the window and he asked if I needed any company. Cue the gear screeching noise. I said No, thanks. and he left.

Another time I was out at a Flying J in Dallas and it was 2ish in the afternoon and I was done for the day, so once again I was doing paperwork. I had a fairly pretty college age girl walk up to me and the first thing out of her mouth was ‘I’m not a lot lizard, I’ve got all my teeth.’ That made me chuckle, so I decided to talk to her. She was selling magazine subscriptions for the troops and wanted me to buy some. She said people usually buy 3 of them and they each would be like $200. I don’t normally carry 600+ in cash on me and anyway it sounded too much like a scam for me. I said no and she went on her way.

Worse story though was one night I saw a lizard get out of a driver’s truck and squat over a nasty puddle in the parking lot and wash out her twat with that water that had diesel fuel, oil, piss, and God only knows what else, and go on to the next truck. Never even considered using a lizard’s services after that, even as a joke."

11. She lifts up her little skirt and proceeds to ‘wash the deck down’ with shaking and spraying the Coke on her lady bits.

"Down at the El Paso truck stop, friend of mine and I having some beers on the picnic table. Little cute gal with a gold tooth is working the trucks. She hops up in one after a few, hops back down. Her friend walks up to her with a towel and bottle of Coke…she lifts up her little skirt and proceeds to ‘wash the deck down’ with shaking and spraying the Coke on her lady bits. My buddy and I sat slackjawed for a moment he looked at me and said, ‘That’s the nastiest thing I seen and I was in the Marines for 8 years.’ I’ll never forget that one."

12. Several young ladies scattered like cockroaches.

"Sitting in a truck stop in Dallas in the early afternoon when a cop car rolled by really slow. Several young ladies scattered like cockroaches. I look over and there’s a probably 200-pound-black woman in yellow spandex crouching behind a 4″-wide sapling. It didn’t take long for him to see this criminal mastermind."

13. She was wearing 6-inch heels, a mini-skirt about 8 inches long, a tube top about 4 inches wide, hoop earrings big enough to put a baseball through, and so much makeup it looks like she put on Lowe’s flat later #4.

"For those that don’t know, there’s a huge truck stop on I-80 outside of Davenport, Iowa. It normally is pretty clean, and lot lizards weren’t something I saw much of there. In February of ’05, I rolled in there just ahead of a snowstorm that would be called a blizzard anywhere but the Great Plains. I HATE putting on chains, so I stopped early, got a personal pan pizza at the Pizza Hut, and settled in with movies and my iPod until morning.

About 3 AM, I was woken up by someone banging on the side of the truck. Since everyone from mechanics to DOT does this, you pretty much have to respond—you do not want to ignore a State Trooper. I went to the door, and it’s a lot lizard, wearing 6-inch heels, a mini-skirt about 8 inches long, a tube top about 4 inches wide, hoop earrings big enough to put a baseball through, and so much makeup it looks like she put on Lowe’s flat later #4.

She also looked about 13. And before the jokes, not in a ‘awwww yeaaaah’ kind of way—in an ‘I am a victim of trafficking’ kind of way.

‘It’s cold, can I get into your truck to warm up?’ is one of the oldest lines in the book, and I had roundly cursed a number of ladies who had tried to use this one on me before. But this one…I wasn’t sure she wasn’t 13. It could have been that scrawny heroin look, but something about her didn’t seem that hardened. So I told her she could get in, but only to warm up—she had to take a blanket, and she had to stay in the passenger seat.

After about 10 minutes, it was pretty clear she wasn’t 13, but she wasn’t much older, either. She was 16, her name was Molly, she had run away from home in Missouri (abusive stepfather, boyfriend in the Army, etc.), and knew someone who made $800/night doing this. It was her first night, and I was literally her first attempt at turning a trick—I thought that might be a line too at first, but as we kept talking, it became pretty clear she had no idea what she was doing.

After about two hours of talking, I got her to agree to go with me to the ministry in the truck stop. They had resources on combatting trafficking and were able to get hold of the right people from the state to help her get home.

I had to leave that morning (not my truck, not my load, not my call on staying put), but I asked her to email me if she got home. She did. She still sends me updates now and then."

14. She asks if there’s anything she could do for me to earn some money to ‘feed her fetus.’

"Was a brand-new truck driver in 2009. Second run ever was from Louisville to Oakland. I team with my wife, and this company did mostly expedited freight (no stopping to sleep). Get delivery complete. Had no money for a GPS, so we’re Googling truck stops on our only phone at the time. This dump RIGHT IN Oakland pops up. We know nothing about California. Get parked. 60-something horribly-scantily-clad black lady approaches truck and knocks. I roll down the window. She asks if there’s anything she could do for me to earn some money to ‘feed her fetus.’ My wife is right over my shoulder, and in full view of this woman. After I chuckle, I respond that I have no money. Wife smacks me on the back of my head, saying, ‘You’re supposed to say you’re married.’ I say, ‘same thing.’ Truck was a bit quiet after that."

15. My lot lizard stories were composed entirely of me being mistaken for a lot lizard by other drivers.

"As a solo female long-haul driver in her mid-20s, my lot lizard stories were composed entirely of me being mistaken for a lot lizard by other drivers. Drivers would walk past me really fast without making eye contact and whisper under their breath, ‘how much?’ Took me a while to realized what they were asking … I was like, are you talking to me???? How much for what ???? Until I figured out, oh, they think I’m a prostitute!!! Funny. Then I ordered myself all company gear from head to toe, with my company logo on there. All good after that. It never bothered me much as I know it gets lonely for men on the road and sex workers work hard for their money, too. As long as it’s not child trafficking and or forced prostitution, I have no problems with lot lizards."

16. He had Tourette’s and was literally SHOUTING ‘BEAT MY DICK’ very loudly.

"Years ago, my friends and I used to frequent a shitty non-chain truck stop off I70 in central IN. We went there at night mostly because it was open 24/7 and nothing else was. Food was good and cheap and it was not really that busy, as there were real truck stops not far down the line. Anyway, one night some toothless hag was giving a guy a handy in the back booth, probably for her meal by the looks of her. Well, the issue wasn’t that she was jacking him in the booth, I’ve seen worse. The issue was he had Tourette’s and was literally SHOUTING ‘BEAT MY DICK’ very loudly. That wasn’t so much a problem for my friends as I as it was for the 3 State Troopers that came in. They sorta took issue with it. I don’t know if the guy was a trucker or not. He sorta looked like Manuel Noriega’s long lost special-needs brother. Well, the real shit show started when the cops went to arrest the guy. He had a short little thalidomide arm that they couldn’t get cuffed, and he was swinging that around like some sort of nunchuck."

17. I’ve never seen someone run so fast in my life.

"Trucker’s wife here.

We were stopped for the night at a Flying J somewhere in Kentucky. Around 2 AM, I heard someone banging on the side of the truck. My husband woke up and went ‘What the fuck?’ and started to get out of bed. Since I was in the bottom bunk, I popped up the bunk and grabbed the winch bar. I was able to get to the front of the cab faster than my husband was. I flung the curtain open with a look on my face that read ‘the fuck do you want?’ and was met with the sight of a lot lizard.

I’ve never seen someone run so fast in my life."

18. I am so fucking ugly I can’t get hit on by a hooker.

"Memphis is a sketchy town after dark, so it’s one of those cities I always tried to avoid sleeping near when possible. It’s getting pretty late and I am 70 miles outside Memphis so I figure it is time to shut it down for the night. I pulled into a gravel lot (this becomes important) across the road from a truck stop I had been to before. Been here several times and never had any problems before.

As I am backing into a spot in the back row I see a girl walking toward my truck. Pretty young thing. Petite with brunette hair. She was dressed pretty much the way I expected. Short spaghetti strap tank top with a thin white blouse over that and a short thigh length printed wrap like you would find at the beach for a skirt. As I set the brakes and shut down the motor she approached my drivers door. I knew what I expected her to ask and I knew my answer. I looked down at her and she said… “Excuse me… you have a bandage?” That was not what I had expected. I must have had a strange look on my face because she pulled the blouse off of her right shoulder to reveal some cuts and scrapes. I turned on my work lights and got out of the truck. Using a cloth and bottled water I cleaned up her shoulder and arm. Then from my first aid kit I took some salve and bandages and patched her up. I told her I had some iodine if she wanted to get the cuts really clean. She asked if it would hurt? !?!? Ummmm, yes. Nope, just the salve and bandages please.

We maintained a pleasant conversation about the injuries while I worked. Apparently she had been thrown off the side of a truck that night (gravel lot, remember). Some truckers just have no manners. When I thought I was done she pulled the wrap down a few inches and there were more scrapes on the top of her hipbone so I rinsed and repeated the process. While doing this I noticed that she had pulled the wrap below her navel and I recognized what I saw immediately. I asked her, ‘How many kids do you have?’ Her…very angry ‘How did you know!? Who told you!?’ I needed to calm her down ASAP. The last thing I needed was an angry hooker accusing me of anything. Who knew a herniated navel was so incriminating???? Me, ‘My wife has the same belly button.’ She proceeded to tell me about her son, how old he was, why she was in the profession. I told her I didn’t think there was anything wrong with her job but she might want to find a new job for her son’s sake. It just wasn’t safe for her. When all was said and done she just turned around and walked away. I don’t remember if she even said thank you or anything like that. I do remember being a little disappointed. I thought a discount was in order even though I still would have said no. I guessed she was done for the night. I put everything away and climbed back into my truck. Proceeded to waste time doing something completely unremarkable. …Nintendo DS or read a book…I don’t remember. After an hour had passed, lo and behold who do I see climbing into the truck beside me? Yep….Ms. Beach Skirt. It was right then that I realized something that I have remembered the rest of my life. I am so fucking ugly I can’t get hit on by a hooker."

19. ‘You ain’t never had your rig cleaned as good as I’ll do it.’

"Not a truck driver, but I was working on a project for class 8 semi trucks and we had to get out demo truck down to Florida. Fueling up along the border or Kentucky and Tennessee we pull into this huge truck stop. On the CB radio there is this woman who keeps saying, ‘Y’all need the inside of your truck cleaned, come my way.’

This went on for a few minutes until some good ole boy comes on the radio, ‘You clean the inside reaaaal good???’

Woman—’You ain’t never had your rig cleaned as good as I’ll do it.’

Truck driver—’Well, I’m in the purple Freightliner 3rd from the end, come on over.’

I proceeded to watch the nastiest thing that could be called a woman waddle across the parking lot and crawl up into a purple Freightliner. Sadly the story does not end here. After about 5 minutes this cum dumpster waddles back down out of the truck, over to the pumps, and grabs a squeegee that you would use to clean your windows and proceeds to clean her fine self up with it.

Couple minutes later on the CB….’Y’all need the inside or your truck cleaned….come my way.’"

20. She asks if I want to see her titties, I say no, she pulls them out anyway.

"A couple years back, I’m heading home at ~3:00 am after dropping a friend off. I pull in to a gas station/truck stop to get a drink with caffeine so I can stay awake for the drive home. As I’m walking out, a lady calls out to me asking if I can help her. She looks like she’s had a very rough life (i.e., homeless), and I’m a nice guy, so I ask what she needs. She tells me that she needs a ride about 2 miles down the road.

I don’t see her as a threat, and I feel bad for anyone having to walk 2 miles at 3 AM, especially if they’ve already been on their feet all day. So I tell her to hop in the car.

We’re not even out of the parking lot before she says, ‘I need to make some money.’ I’m like, ‘Huh, well, maybe you can go to a temp agency or one of those day labor places tomorrow.’ She says, ‘No, I need to make some money now,’ to which I say, ‘Oh, OK.’ I was starting to get the message at that point, lol. She says, ‘I’ll give you a blowjob for $20.’ I tell her, ‘No thank you.’ She gets more insistent, asks how much money I have, maybe $15 would work. I continue to decline. She explains how this wouldn’t be just any blowjob, she would do it with vigor and skill—she even includes sound effects, sigh. I decline once again. She asks if I want to see her titties, I say no, she pulls them out anyway. She explains that she owes money to some people and she needs to have it or they’re going to be upset with her. Finally we got to our destination maybe 3 minutes later (though it felt much longer). I wished her well, gave her $5 because I felt bad for her, and sent her on her way.

Most awkward ride ever."

21. She had definitely been ‘rode hard and put up wet.’

"I used to travel from Texas to Minnesota on a harvesting crew. One night I was the first truck to delivery my last load, and I was instructed to wait at the truck stop in Big Springs, Nebraska. At the time I was 20 y/o and naive to the world. Well, I parked my truck in the far end of the lot and fiddled with my lights trying to turn them off while the truck was running (hot out). I got my lights off and hopped in the sleeper to relax and wait.

Five minutes later my passenger door opened and a womsn climbed into the seat. She looked to be around 30, and had probably been attractive in her earlier years, but had definitely been ‘rode hard and put up wet.’

I asked her what she was doing and she responded ‘that’s your call, baby.’ I sat up as she climbed into the sleeper and sat next to me. I had no idea what was going on. She kinda scooted closer and placed her hand on my knee, and commented on how young and ‘fresh’ I was. I told her I had no idea what was going on and she must be mistaken.

‘You’re just nervous, I get it. You wouldn’t have flashed me over if you didn’t want it.’

At this point I (kinda) realized what was going on and told her to leave. She was angry and demanded money for wasting her time. She eventually left unsatisfied and not a penny richer.

It wasn’t until I told the guys in my crew what happened that I truly understood what had happened. They filled me on in how I signaled her by flashing my lights. The next morning I saw her climbing out of a truck as I walked by with coffee. I waved to her."

22. If you are a gay male looking for a ‘personal massage’ or maybe some ‘stress therapy,’ I would say Bakersfield is right up your alley.

"There’s a truck stop in Bakersfield, CA notorious for lot lizards (I believe it’s a Love’s or a flying J). I stopped at it once. The place looks normal, not trashy or ghetto. When I stopped and parked for the night (or early morning, it was 1 AM), the place was unusually busy. I mean, people were walking in and out of the store, the line for showers was busy, and people were moving in and out of trucks like a Chinese fire drill. Lo and behold, I turn on my CB. Channel 19 was blowing up with people interested in ‘personal services’ and getting directions and getting channel numbers to continue the conversation on. If you are a gay male looking for a ‘personal massage’ or maybe some ‘stress therapy,’ I would say Bakersfield is right up your alley."

23. I normally don’t feed the local wildlife while out on the road, but one time I’d been out for a while and got a little lonely.

"I normally don’t feed the local wildlife while out on the road, but one time I’d been out for a while and got a little lonely.

One of the critters came up banging on my door one night and told me she’d give me a toilet greaser in exchange for a shower credit and $30. For some reason I thought this was a good idea, especially since I could make sure she was cleaned up a little bit.

A lot of guys take their wives out on the road so it’s not super unheard-of for two folks to go into the shower together but it’s not really allowed at most places. Anyhoo, we got in there and she tried to get down in position for the greaser but we found out that you really do need the toilet for support. It ended up with me slipping and falling on her (I’m 283 dripping wet). She ended up hitting her face on the tile and knocking a tooth out. I was trying to get up and she scratched me on the leg real good all pissed off. I kicked her out and didn’t give her the $30 and then had to drive down to the next truck stop so she didn’t vandalize my shit or anything."

24. She stole my wallet and left me stranded for two days.

I don’t drive anymore, but back when I was there was one encounter with a lot lizard I can’t seem to live down with friends.

I stopped one night at a Pilot and wasn’t feeling well. After grabbing some food I immediately crawled into the bunk and went to sleep. In the middle of the night I woke up and something seemed off. In my half-asleep daze and without my glasses on, I looked around and saw something very small moving on the floor in the front of the cab. I thought maybe a bird or something had gotten into my truck. About the time I sit up looking at the floor and start to get out of the bunk I hear, ‘Hey baby’ from my left at the driver’s door.

I scream. She screams and runs. Slams the door.

In the few seconds it takes to grab my glasses and jump out of the truck, she’s gone.

Well, I had obviously forgotten to lock my doors being sick and focused on going to sleep. That small movement I saw was her reaching into the truck from the door and going through my pants, stealing my wallet. Cops were called but other than ‘black’ I couldn’t see without my glasses enough to give any more of a description. Not much cash was in the wallet, maybe $50, but I didn’t find it discarded after looking and ended up sitting in that truck stop for two days as I had to get a temporary license faxed to me….

Yeah, lot lizards are scum…."

25. My uncle was stabbed to death by a truck stop pimp.

"Uncle was a long-haul driver in the 70s . Back then it was really crazy, lots of drugs and such. Witnesses say my uncle was approached just outside of a truck stop in Texas and was approached by a guy who was pimping a girl. Uncle declined but guy kept pressuring him. It got loud. Uncle makes it into truck stop and goes into bathroom. Guy follows behind him and stabs him in the back six times with a blade that was described as a machete because of the length and takes uncle’s wallet. Uncle dies. I was two when it happened, so I don’t remember him at all."

26. She walked with a severe limp as if her pimp put a couple bullet holes in that ass.

"Not a trucker, but I did stay at a Flying J overnight!

I was driving an almost-racecar on my way down to Florida on I-75 in North Georgia. During the middle of the night I hit some raccoon or something, exploding my bumper and damaging my steering. I pulled into the truck stop there and parked in ‘Party Row’ so I could fix my car out of the way and under a light.

As soon as I had the wheel off, I was approached by a lot lizard. Black, tattoos, actually fairly attractive, dingy white shorts, and walked with a severe limp as if her pimp put a couple bullet holes in that ass. She starts off with, ‘Have you ever had sex in public?’ Knowing where this was going, I said, ‘Yeah, it kinda sucks.’ I tried to stay busy so she would leave, but she persisted. ‘How ’bout I show you some Southern hospitality in those bushes there?’ I just laughed, and then she made herself more clear. ‘What I’m sayin’ is we can roll a fuck in those bushes.’ I politely declined.

I kept an eye on her while I worked. She seemed agitated about not finding a John. Whenever we made eye contact, she would attempt to strut toward me, which looked ridiculous with her hobble.

I slept in the car, woke up around 7 AM, and went into the Flying J. On the way, a family of 4 came out of a large RV to do the same. The boy was about 8 and the girl maybe 4. I see the LL coming in on an intercepting course, and I am like, ‘Oh, fuck no.’

She asked mom and dad if they ‘Would like to sample a Southern belle.’ Dad laughed, and mom goes, ‘What the HELL is the matter with you?’ The boy was :o

Her response? She shrugs and says ‘Well, a lot of folks are actually into that sort of thing,’ which I found rather disturbing."

27. I was approached by the most emaciated, crack-addicted, STD-having, rotted teeth lizard I have ever seen.

"The most disturbing one was in North Little Rock, Arkansas.

Most OTR drivers know these three truck stops, they’re crowded, smelly, hot, and not exactly safe.

I had to park at the Pilot/J there one night. Before sunset I was walking my dog when I was approached by the most emaciated, crack-addicted, STD-having, rotted-teeth lizard I have ever seen.

She proceeds to stand in our way and ask, ‘You boys look lonely?’

I noped out of there so fast I made my Border Collie look slow. Went back to my truck and made dinner. Then I got to thinking, how did she know my dog was a boy? What did she mean by ‘You boys’? So many questions that I really didn’t want to know the answer to."

28. He pulls out a large map, lays it across his lap, and she gets under it. The map bobbed up and down for 10 mins.

"When I was in high school, I worked at a Wendy’s. It was attached to a truck stop. One day during dinner rush a car pulled into the parking lot and a scantily clad woman gets out of the passenger side. She is obviously not happy. As she starts pulling her bags out of the car, the man driving gets out and starts pleading with her. She yells at him and he eventually gets back in and drives away. She goes from truck to truck knocking, and finally someone lets her in. His cab is in full view from the dining room of the restaurant, which is now full of people. He pulls out a large map, lays it across his lap, and she gets under it. The map bobbed up and down for 10 mins. Then they came inside and dined on square hamburgers. Super educational for a 16-year-old in the suburbs."

29. She lifts up her skirt and shows us her vag and spreads it open and tells us to look, she doesn’t have any diseases.

"My lot lizard story…I had a friend who was a driver, he asked me if I wanted to ride along sometime and I said yes. Well we pull into a truck stop somewhere in southern Arizona and grab dinner at an Iron Skillet (buffet, worse than Hometown) and head back to the truck for the night, we get back to the truck and over the CB we hear chatter about a couple of cute looking girls knocking on truck doors, and right about then we see them.

Two young girls are wandering around, one of them gets into a truck and the other comes over to us and knocks on the door, my buddy opens it and there’s fairly decent-looking girl, maybe 16 or 17 years old, her eyes glazed over clearly high as a kite. She asks us if we want to party and we both tell her no thanks. Then she lifts up her skirt and shows us her vag and spreads it open and tells us to look, she doesn’t have any diseases. I almost lost my self-control and made a huge mistake, but again we told her no thanks and she climbs down and wobbles off. My buddy and I look at each other and he tells me he almost told her yes.

And yes, we reported it but no cop car showed up that night."

30. How to tell the difference between an undercover cop and a truck stop prostitute.

"Best story I hear was from a former trainer: ‘If a lady comes up to your window and asks if you want company, you reach out and grab her tits. If she is a cop, she will freak out and start cussing at you. If she is a hooker she will be like ‘is that all you want.’ So needless to say I’ve felt up a couple good-looking cops.'" TC mark

How To Live Life Without The Guy You Thought Was Your Forever

Posted: 03 Aug 2016 02:15 PM PDT

Ines Perkovic
Ines Perkovic

You thought he was your forever.

Your one and only. Your future husband. You thought he was your happy ending, your sunshine during snowy days, and your shelter from the cold.

But then, he decided to do what was best for him, without talking to you about it. He decided to do what was best for him, without thinking of you.

And after the sun rose from the dark sky, he left. He left you crumpled onto your bedroom floor, unable to speak from crying so hard. He left you to pick up the pieces by yourself.

But you can’t do it by yourself.

So here is what you are going to do. You are going to talk it out to everyone you know. You are going to cry your big heart out, until it’s hard to breathe. You are going to attempt to eat, even if it’s hard. You are going to attempt to get dressed, even if it’s hard.

And you are going to keep on living, even if it’s hard.

I know you don’t think you will survive. I know you can’t picture a world without him in it. And I know you cry every time you think of him not being there for you.

But what you don’t know is how strong you already are. You don’t realize the power you have in just yourself. You don’t know how special you are. Because you’ve been neglecting yourself. And it’s time for a change. It’s time for you to start to love yourself again. It’s time to cherish you, and not anyone else. 

My friend, you are going to be ok without him. Because what you don’t know, is that, he is not the universe, or the sun, or the moon. That’s you.

And you are going to do more than just survive. You are going to thrive. You are going to fly. In time, you will. And you’ll surprise yourself. Because right now, you just want him. You just want everything to go back to how it was. But, when you look back on this time, you will see the strength you had inside of you all along. And you will see that you needed this. You needed to start believing in yourself again. You needed to start appreciating yourself and being confident in who you are.

You’re going to be happy again. You’re going to be so proud of yourself. You’re going to be ok. I promise you, you’re going to be ok.

The light at the end of the tunnel is alive. You just can’t see it yet. It’s dim, but I promise you, it’s there.