Thought Catalog


37 Men Share Secret Sex Tips That Will Make Her Cum Every Time

Posted: 19 Sep 2016 10:00 PM PDT

thought.is/
thought.is/
Found on AskReddit.

1. Fuck like it’s EVIL. Kiss like it’s LOVE.

"Fuck like it’s EVIL. Kiss like it’s LOVE."

dammshite


2. Fuck like you’re in love with the other person in that moment.

"Fuck like you’re in love with the other person in that moment."

Anonymous


3. Nibble on the earlobe.

"Nibble on the earlobe. All the women I’ve been with, it’s driven them crazy."

SullivanSMS


4. Warm up the oven before you put in the bun.

"You gotta warm up the oven before you put in the bun."

beercan_dan


5. Communicate.

"Here’s my One Weird Trick That Gets All the Ladies Off: Communication."

Yoshokatana


6. When you go down on a woman, go the fuck down.

"When you go down on a woman, go the fuck down. Do not lick it just a bit, deep French kiss that thing."

newaccount1619


7. When she says ‘right there,’ don’t speed up, don’t slow down. Be right there.

"Be present in the moment. Pay attention to body language. When she says ‘right there,’ don’t speed up, don’t slow down. Be right there."

chicos240


8. You don’t always have to fuck her hard.

"You don’t always have to fuck her hard. In fact, sometimes that’s not right to do. Sometimes you’ve got to make some love. And fuckin’ give her some smoochies, too."

krostenvharies


9. Lick the alphabet!

"Lick the alphabet!"

shudu


10. Don’t forget cardio.

"Don’t forget cardio when you hit the gym. Looking good is great, but if you run out of gas before the finish line, it’s not something to add to the resume."

thedrunkentendy


11. Use your pelvic bone to rub her clit.

"Use your pelvic bone to rub her clit. Simple. Effective. Fun."

OiMcCoy


12. When eating a girl out, squirt a little lemon juice on your tongue.

"When eating a girl out, squirt a little lemon juice on your tongue. It sounds weird, and maybe painful, but I swear it makes the clitoris and sometimes the vagina itself more sensitive."

psev4937


13. When inside of the girl, aim for the belly button.

"For the guys, when inside of the girl, aim for the belly button. Position your hips low and kinda thrust toward the belly button. Guarantee she’ll have an orgasm that’ll leave her legs shaking and she may forget how to talk. Don’t use it often, though, ’cause it’s hard to step up your game from this. More of a once in a while thing."

Lepepino


14. Use your thumb to softly rub her clitoris.

"While she’s on her back with her legs over your shoulders and you’re on top but kinda on your knees, use your thumb to softly rub her clitoris. I hope that makes sense. It works for my girlfriend. Also, while going down on her put a finger or two in her and gently do the ‘come here’ thing with your fingers while licking her clitoris softly."

P__Diddy


15. Slow down and take your time.

"Sex is a celebration of the amazing things two people can do to and with one another.

It’s not a race. Slow down and take your time. Touch, taste, tease. Laugh, love, rock the shit out each other, and worship in the fact that you’re both alive and together at that moment.

Oh, and for fuck’s sake, use a condom!"

alfalfasprouts


16. Always insist on either finger-banging or performing oral on your girl before penetration.

"Always insist on either finger-banging or performing oral on your girl before penetration. Even if they’re begging for that ole D, you give her some prep work, dammit. It a) preps for penetration, natural lubrication, all that shit; and b) teases the fuck outta her if she wanted penetration right away.

It’s a win-win, man.

Oh and for God's sake do something with your hands if she's riding you. No don’t pull out your cellphone and talk to your ‘bros’. Play with her love melons, pull her hair (if she's into that). Just do something."

Heatbeat


17. Throw a few pillows under that ass of hers.

"With her on her back, throw a few pillows under that ass of hers, then get in there with your D pointing as straight up as you can get it. You should hit her G-spot. That is great for her, and it has a texture that’ll make you bust like a water balloon."

Shamroc_14


18. Keep touching her all over the place doing intercourse.

"Keep touching her all over the place doing intercourse. Girl’s entire body is very sensitive during foreplay and sex. Don’t just stick to the pussy and nipples. And relax!"

RedStarZkating


19. Never touch the clit directly.

"Never touch the clit directly (unless you’re going extreme) its way more sensitive then we men can understand. It’s better to touch the areas around it and apply pressure through the hood. Also the clit is huge but just under a lot of flesh so applying pressure+rotation in most places up there can generally be pretty pleasurable."

avaslash


20. Kiss her legs.

"The commonly most ignored areas on a girl's body. Behind the knees, elbows, back of the thighs, calves. These areas can be rather sensitive and most girls will be surprised that you’d consider them. I’ve usually gotten intense moans and once I’ve gotten a ‘that’s ticklish,’ and we laughed about it and I moved on. So win-win.

Also, my girlfriend of three years jokes that the only reason she stayed with me is because I was the only guy that ever kissed her legs."

Anonymous


21. Focus on the girl, not yourself.

"I don’t think sex is all that complicated. Guys, if you want to be good in the sack, focus on the girl, not yourself. You will know if she likes what you are doing by the sounds and moves she makes. Focus on her and when she is close you will have held out for so long you will be, too. If it is not a synchronized orgasm it will be pretty close."

worriedgypsy


22. Put your hands under her butt while doing missionary.

"Easy, put your hands under her butt while doing missionary. It hits all the good angles for her, clit-stimulation, and won’t feel too shabby for you. I’ve used a pillow, but it feels stupid, hands work way better for control anyways. Also, be perpendicular when going down on her, don’t know why this works."

CommieLoser


23. Be confident.

"Confidence. I don’t mean bullshit confidence ‘yeah baby you like that?’ while you try to pull off some stupid porn star stunt. I mean being willing to laugh, communicate, and take some initiative.

It is about showing desire. Everyone wants to be wanted. If I pick my girlfriend up and slam her against the wall, it is not hot for her because she’s against a wall…it is hot because I couldn’t fucking control myself and this happened to be the first place we landed. Figuring out ways to make that uncontrollable desire transparent always pays off. This is also why sometimes 'no doesn’t mean no' but that one requires some prior communication and probably a safeword."

ConsummateK


24. A quick guide to cunnilingus.

"Quick Guide to Cunnilingus

Start slow, making sure to cover all areas top to bottom, but once you start to pick up the pace completely ignore the bottom and go at the clit as directly as she’ll allow. Don’t do that pointed tongue flicking thing unless she asks you to. Think flat. Then put your lips over her clit and gently apply suction as you continue to lick slowly. If you’ve taken your time to work up to this point you’ll know immediately if she likes it and how much suction is best. Then speed up a bit.

Once you start for real on the clit, don’t go anywhere else. Think about if a girl was giving a blowjob really nicely and then just stopped the rhythm to lick your pelvis. You’d be like ‘what are you doing! get back on that!’ Unless she forcibly removes your lips from her clit, don’t stop even as she cums. Lots of women can build to a second or third orgasm without you stopping. Just realize she may be sensitive and don’t do anything dumb.

You can also use your fingers wherever she prefers it, or not at all.

Also don’t expect perfection the first time. Communicate. Practice. Communicate more."

Anonymous


25. Lick her inner thigh.

"Don’t be afraid to go down on her; that will only make her want you to fuck her even more. Tease her a bit, do some small licks, lick her inner thigh or kiss around the area to make her want it."

NumberOneMuffDiver


26. Spend time kissing, massaging, and running your fingers gently over her whole body.

"During foreplay don’t just make her boobs and pussy your only two stops. Spend time kissing, massaging, and running your fingers gently over her whole body. Focus on areas she moves or makes noises at. Also communication. Ask her what she wants or likes; it can only help."

theflipflop


27. Make sure she has an orgasm first

"Make sure she has an orgasm first. However you can accomplish it, cunnilingus, fingering, a combination, or whatever she likes. Do this and you will be invited to have sex again. Be patient. Never rush things."

2abyssinians


28. Tease her via text message before you have sex.

"This worked really well for me:

My girlfriend was having a bad day, and she was going to get a massage after work. She texted me when she got home saying she was going to be out for most of the evening. I responded back with a bit of cyber sex teasing. I asked her what she would do if I were to slowly kiss her from her shoulder to the base of her neck, and slowly up her neck to her ear.

Just planting a little idea. Which she then got to think about while taking a shower, having an hour-long massage, et cetera. Works well, try it."

SharkToothTony


29. Ensure that your pubic bone has full contact with her clitoris.

"Missionary position, legs prone, pull yourself up and into her with your arms (helps to have headboard to grab). Steady rate, ensuring your pubic bone has full contact with her clitoris. Dual action, works every time."

Kingryche


30. Sit up straight on your knees and put her feet on your chest.

"Regular missionary. Sit up straight on your knees and put her feet on your chest. This allows you to hit the G-spot literally with every thrust and you can use your thumb to rub her clit. This has made my SO tear holes in the sheets. WIN."

trexpushup


31. Throw her legs over your shoulders and fuck her on your knees.

"When you are fucking her in missionary, throw her legs over your shoulders and fuck her on your knees. She will surely orgasm."

Anonymous


32. Read her body language and you’ll know what to do.

"Read her body language and you’ll know what to do. You can have your 'techniques,' but just be hyper aware of how she moves into your touch and respond accordingly. Also, 2-3 fingers, palm facing up, find the contour of the inside ceiling, stroke gently along the wall back toward you, press down gently right above her mons pubis, and when you hear a squishy sound…she’s having a G-spot orgasm. Worked with 5/5 of the last women I’ve dated. Hadn’t happened to them prior to me, so based on experience, it works…"

jgaudio22


33. While she is on top, use your thumb to massage her clitoris.

"This one has worked for me in the past, and the wife seems to really enjoy it. While she is on top, use your thumb to massage her clitoris. You have to turn your hand upside down so it looks like you’re giving her ‘gina a thumb-down, but the extra stimulation it will give her is worth it. Given many a girl several orgasms this way and helped land the last woman I will ever give an orgasm. So good luck my friends."

Jedi-Tortoise


34. Take it nice and slow and then work to a crescendo.

"When I go down on a girl I take it nice and slow and then work to a crescendo.

Start by rubbing the inside of her thighs in a gentle circular motion, getting closer and closer to the outer parts of the labia. After a minute or two of caressing she should be fairly moist. You can also add small kisses to the thighs also.

I like to move on to licking and kissing around the labia and taint, completely ignoring the clitoris for a while. Sometimes, depending on the girl I’ll even give a little analingus here (not all girls are down for that).

At this point, if you’re doing everything properly she should be writhing somewhat. That’s when I will begin work on the clitoris with my tongue and also apply just the tiniest bit of pressure on the taint and anus with my thumb, just a small bit of massage.

After her first orgasm from clitoral stimulation I like to turn her on her stomach, ask her to arch her back (or you can be a real pro and put a pillow underneath her belly and hips).

Once again I’ll start with rubbing the thighs, legs and now also include the buttocks.

I will then start massaging the clitoris with my hand while also rubbing the area around the anus.

When you think she’s ready use two fingers and begin massaging her G-spot (it’s the mound of nerves just inside her vagina below the pubis) while continuing to rub her clitoris. Again I also recommend licking her anus. You will now have three points of stimulation: anus, clitoris, and G-spot, that are likely to make her a very happy woman. If you want to get fancy you can start going really fast on all three areas then when she is close to orgasm, stop suddenly and start back up again; this is called ramping. The sudden stop and start is pretty intense for some women.

And then of course you fuck her right in the pussy."

klitchell


35. Tease.

"Unless time is of the essence, tease. I have a few places I focus on: neck, earlobe, boobs (not the nipples), hips, and groin. These are my prime teasing areas. Linger there before moving on to the nipples or pussy. Nibble. Lick. Suck (not too hard on the neck). Use your hands to stroke and dig in. There’s a lovely spot right beside each of the hipbones (toward the belly button) that you can press with your thumbs.

If you’re gonna pull hair, do it gently at first and make sure you grab as much as you can. If she likes it, pull harder.

When going down, don’t just focus on the clit. Slide your tongue into her, too (this works really well if she’s on all fours). When you focus on the clit, spread her lips with one hand to get better access. Figure out how she likes it: licking with a fat tongue or a pointy one, how hard, etc.

When finger-blasting, don’t make gun noises while jack hammering. Seriously. Don’t. Instead, use the ‘come here’ motion on her G-spot, which is about an inch inside. It feels kind of like the roof of your mouth.

The main event isn’t always the end; remember that. But when it’s happening, roll your hips when you’re in missionary, grinding your pubic bone against her. Use pillows if you have to find the proper angle to rub her G-spot and penetrate deeper.

When you tap out and if she’s still ready to go, feel free to go down on her until your snake is done his siesta.

Some like to talk dirty, some don’t. Make sure before you start or it may kill the mood. You don’t have to be vulgar; it can be as simple as, ‘God you feel amazing’ or ‘I’ve been thinking about doing this to you all day.’

I abide by the philosophy of ‘The wetter the better.’ Before you penetrate, make sure she’s wetter than a rainstorm. Some girls don’t get as wet, so you might need lube. Just keep this in mind: chafing isn’t fun. Make sure she’s ready.

Anonymous


36. Foreplay. Foreplay foreplay foreplay foreplay foreplay.

"Foreplay. Foreplay foreplay foreplay foreplay foreplay.

Just like a guy needs to be hard, a girl needs to be wet. For both genders, pay attention to just behind the earlobes, anywhere on the neck (most commonly the lower parts and the back), collarbones, wrists, and hip/thigh areas. I’ve also found that a soft breath in the ear while having your hands elsewhere works as well.

Use fingertips and nails. Light touches that can raise goosebumps are always a good thing. If you are ticklish or tickle your partner, good. Giggling like that can help lighten up the mood. Soft kisses are another good idea, especially if you’re planning on going down on the other person. Drag your tongue down their stomach, or whatever feels good to them.

Missionary style? A pillow underneath her lower back for beginners. If she’s ready for something deeper, hold her legs up. From here the guy can put them on his shoulders, or he can hold them up and lean back for a different angle.

Doggy? Girls, make sure you keep your knees somewhat stable. Find the one angle that feels the best and keep it there. Guys, grab her ass. Spank her if she’s into it. Drag your nails down her back. Pull her hair. Girls, not everyone gets off from purely vaginal. Don’t be afraid to help yourself along.

For another awesome, deep position, try the end of a bed or something of a similar height. Somewhere that if the guy is either kneeling or standing and the girl is lying down, the guy’s penis lines up perfectly (or almost). Guys, you’ll have the perfect spot to go to town on. Grab her hips. Play with her nipples. Girls, again, don’t be afraid to help yourself along.

One last tip—lube. Honestly, sometimes girls don’t secrete enough. Or you’ve been going for too long and the condom is starting to hurt the girl. Grab a bottle of lube. The slipperier the slide, the better the ride."

monoxide_lullaby


37. How to paint a cunnilingual masterpiece.

"If you’re giving a girl head, make sure she’s exceptionally comfortable (and warm, girls are shit at being cold). Relaxed, not nervous, etc. You’re on top, kissy, neck kissy, play with boobs, nipple kissy, hands wander down thighs. Try to make your way down seductively, kissing her little belly, don’t slip and wind her, that’d be a dreadful start.

What I’ve found to work in the past is a huge buildup, avoiding her ‘hoo-ha’ for ages, then tease with your tongue all around down there, avoiding her clit and not going inside, like licking inside of her thighs, the ‘crease’ that’s there, right up to beside her clit, but don’t breach the border. Couple of really hot breaths on it, she knows you’re near.

Lick above the entrance and inside the lips, but avoid the clit like it’s the flake in the ice-cream cone you’re saving for last. Feel free to dribble on it, though….

Eventually when you touch base with her clit, have a buildup of saliva at the end of your tongue and sssslllllowly press against it, like the saliva is touching for a few seconds even before your tongue puts any pressure on it. Then a few wee circles, making sure to get underneath it if at all possible, a bit of light sucking never goes amiss.

Then when she’s distracted with all of that nonsense, (presuming her tap’s turned on), slip a sneaky finger a tiny bit inside, barely noticeable apart from the fact that you’ve grazed the roof with the ‘come hither’ motion.

*The Come Hither motion is based on coaxing someone toward you with a ‘c’mere’ action with your fingers. Or, in layman’s terms, getting the bit of Nutella out of the jar with your fingers.

Increase the depth, slowly but surely, with every finger action. Then, when you’ve reached halfway in, go in fully on the next insertion (making sure to bring the finger the whole way out every time). But don’t just pull it out into thin air every time—as you come out, stay pressed against the vagina and come in from just above the opening (which, from the inside, would be the roof on the outside), so when you pull out you’re still touching. Albeit while your tongue-clit stimulation is still in progress.

With your finger, after you’ve gone fully in for the first time -a few times—throw in finger number 2, keeping the ‘come hither’ motion with both, grazing that rough roof on the way out every time. Don’t scratch now, just pressed fingertips as you pull out.

As things heat up, tongue aquaflipping the shit out of Ms. Clit, a finger variation is to have the 2 inside—in the come hither stance—instead of coming in and out, leave them inside, try vibrate your whole hand, making the fingers buzz slightly up and down against the roof.

Tongue actions on ‘El Clit’—try to vary it. If you stick your tongue out as far as you can, try touch your own chin. Like now, do it. The end of the tongue that’s not touching your chin (i.e. closest to your top teeth), use that on the clit with a pressing motion, that way the rest of your tongue can fiddle around between the clit and meatcave.

Purse your lips, stick a tiny bit of tongue out, but a rigid tongue, not flat. Depending on the girl and her preference for pressure, this can give a good hard flick job.

Make a ‘U’ shape with your now exhausted tongue. Build up some saliva at the end. Press lightly against clit so it’s cupped inside. Suck the saliva back in, it’s kinda cold, bit of contrast for the young gal.

Make a gun with your 2 now best-friend fingers; don’t bother sticking your thumb up as the thing you go ‘click click’ with though. Unless you want to. If she’s absolutely soaking (if not, this’ll just hurt her probably), press both fingertips on the clit and rub side to side like you’d rub a stain off a table, nice and fast-like. If she’s nice and drippy you can go 90.

Cheeky tip (pun intended, you’ll see) Lick the thumb of the hand you haven’t used yet (aw poor guy), and press it lightly against her butthole. All the while your tongue and fingers are putting in their 9-5 on the wriggly young lady of which you you’ve painted your cunnilingual masterpiece."

likeimgonnatellyou TC mark

13 Things You Should Know About Butt Stuff Before Offering Him Your Ass

Posted: 19 Sep 2016 08:45 PM PDT

Troy Freyee
Troy Freyee

1. There’s nothing stopping you from touching your own ass while masturbating. If you’re not sure if you actually want to do anal, take a test run by using your finger or a dildo (with some lube) during your next solo session beneath the sheets.

2. Make sure you use the bathroom a few hours before sex to empty your bowels. There’s not a huge chance that you’re going to dirty up your man’s dick, but you might as well be prepared.

3. Make sure your muscles are relaxed. You know how vaginal sex hurts more when you’re all tensed up? It’ll hurt just as bad if you’re tense during anal. You need to be fully relaxed, which is why you should engage in foreplay beforehand.

4. Yes, anal will feel weird. But it shouldn’t hurt. If it does, you can ask him to stop at any time. Just because you told him you wanted anal five minutes ago doesn’t mean you can’t change your mind.

5. Use lube. I don’t care how wasted you are or how horny you are. Anal might not hurt in the moment, but it will definitely hurt in the morning if you forget to use lube.

6. If you’re still worried about the poop situation, use a condom or do it in the shower for easy cleanup.

7. Butt plugs aren’t that expensive. If you want to ease yourself into anal, then wear a butt plug around the house for a little while to get yourself accustomed to having something shoved up there.

8. Communicate! Tell them to go slow. Tell them to make smaller thrusts. Tell them if it hurts. Don’t be afraid to speak up.

9. If it’s your first time, you should get on all fours so he can enter you doggy style. Or, if you want to be in control of the depth and pacing, you should get on top and do it reverse-cowgirl style.

10. Don’t let him stick his dick in your ass and then into your vagina. Don’t stick a dildo in one place and then the other, either. If you do, there’s a pretty big chance you’ll end up with an urinary tract infection, which is the last thing you want.

11. Remember, you don’t have to start off with anal. You might want to have him place a finger in your ass during vaginal sex first. Or you might want him to give you a rim job to see how his tongue feels before you let him shove his entire dick inside you.

12. You don’t have to go crazy trying to wax around your asshole. He’ll be so happy that you agreed to anal that he won’t complain about something as insignificant as a little hair. So don’t stress. You look fine.

13. If you’re super worried about making a mess or embarrassing yourself, then you probably shouldn’t agree to anal. Comfort is essential. You should be doing it with someone you trust. Someone who won’t freak out when little things go wrong. Wait for a man you’re completely at ease with. TC mark

26 People Reveal The Dirty Phrase That’ll Make Them Instantly Horny As Hell

Posted: 19 Sep 2016 08:00 PM PDT

Look Catalog
Look Catalog

1.

“I’m going to be home in 10 minutes and you better not have any panties on.”

— CupofTia

2.

“You have no idea how beautiful you are, do you?”

— sparrow5

3.

‘I want you inside me’ is the best thing a man can hear a woman say.”

— fafa_flunky

4.

“I only use birth control so you’ll cum inside me.”

— electricboogergoo

5.

“Brought a girl home, and after entering the bedroom, she drops her clothes to the ground and says, ‘Do whatever you want with me, I can take it.’

— fatcatinahatwithabat

6.

“Met up with a girl I used to date in her city on a business trip with several coworkers. She met us at a bar and sat across the table from me. We knew we’d likely end up in my hotel that night but nothing was definite. I asked her what she wanted to do that night and without missing a beat she said, ‘I want you to fuck me.’ Loudly, not checking if people could hear her, and making direct eye contact. No one heard. We left immediately. We totes banged.”

— youhadyourreasons

7.

“Sunday morning phone call from a girl I had just recently started seeing: ‘Can you come right over? I want you to cum on my face.’

I was there in less than 5 mins including the 2-mile drive.”

— ResQMedic78

8.

“It’s a tie between ‘Good girl’ and ‘You’re fucking delicious’.”

— oh_yes_sir

9.

“You’ve basically ruined me for other men.”

— asilentsound

10.

“I asked a girl to dance and her response was ‘I am tired from working all day so I’m not going to dance with you, but I will fuck you tonight’.”

— Dazef8

11.

“Don’t you stop fucking doing that, I swear to god I will kill you.”

— PizzaQuest420

12.

“Tell me what you’re going to do to me.”

— keanoec716

13.

“I’m wet to my knees.”

— threedogafternoon

14.

‘The curve of your cock will make me cum in seconds.’

She proceeded to ride me and came in 2 minutes… amazing.”

— StableQuark

15.

“You wanna put it in my ass?”

— BigFatPerson

16.

“Cum in my mouth.”

— _ReCover_

17.

“I want you inside me.”

— Bean03

18.

“I’ve been waiting for this for so long”

— Boing_Boing

19.

“Cum on my pretty little face!!!”

— usmc19911111

20.

“Stick your finger in my ass.”

— ofcourseitsloaded

21.

“Take out your dick and fuck me.”

— ld43233

22.

“So I met this girl at a bar and we flirted and went back to her place. We’re going at it and she wraps her legs around me, holds me in and whispers, ‘It’s free real estate.’

— acquiredgore

23.

“Holy Shit, What are you doing? Don’t stop that.”

— Blezoop

24.

“I want you.”

— MLein97

25.

“That was the best orgasm I’ve ever had.”

— Blezoop

26.

“Put it in, please.

— realproject TC mark

If You Want To Pleasure Her Sexually, Take The Time To Learn Her Body

Posted: 19 Sep 2016 07:00 PM PDT

Paolo Raeli
Paolo Raeli

I was having Sunday brunch with a friend in a Midtown café and she was telling me about her latest Tinder date. After sharing the basic details of the hookup, she got to the part where things went south – and not in a sexy way.

After some sexy making out and getting undressed, he pulled out the dreaded "signature move."

In this case, it was some weird tongue choreography that was clearly rehearsed and not, as she put it, based on her "directions."

It was a sex technique he probably read about once and, since it worked on one woman, he assumed it worked on all women.

Suffice it to say, she did not enjoy it. In fact, the exact word she used was "meh."

I've heard similar stories from other women in my workshops. They have partners who are attached to a particular pleasuring tactic that "worked on the last girl" and aren't sufficiently open to new ways of operating. Besides being super tacky (PSA: don't bring up an ex's sexual response in bed with a new girl), it's ill informed.

In the sex ed workshops I teach adults, I often get questions about the "best way" to stimulate the G-spot or to give a blow job. The true but less-satisfying answer is that there is no "best way." Human bodies are wired differently and even though we have the same basic parts, the way we like those parts stimulated varies tremendously.

I suspect years of seeing magazines with "10 Ways to Wow Your Woman" headlines have only reinforced the signature move. Additionally, mainstream porn and popular movies alike depict sexual behavior in a very narrow fashion. Variety isn't depicted, so people don't realize that variety is the only thing that's really "normal."

The only way to know what truly delights someone is to ask and listen fully to the response. It's certainly OK to have some techniques – in fact, it's great to have a toolbox of pleasuring techniques to draw upon. It's just crucial that one technique doesn't eclipse all others, especially in the face of constructive feedback.

Just as one size never fits all, one move does not delight all genitals.

Instead of rolling out some fancy strategy, ask for directions and be present for the response. And if they don't know what they want? Suggest exploring different sensations together and see what feels good.

In addition to enthusiastic consent, good sex requires two things: good communication and the awareness that only your partner is the expert on what they like sexually. They are the sexpert on what delights them, just as you are the sexpert on what delights you.

When we reduce sex to a series of signature moves, we discount the variety of pleasure and preferences humans can experience. If you want to be amazing in bed, replace your signature move with delicious communication and erotic curiosity. It'll make sex more adventurous and, most importantly, mutually pleasurable. It'll also give her something to smile about, rather than commiserate about at Sunday brunch. TC mark

How To Rip Yourself Free From The Friend Zone In 6 Easy Steps

Posted: 19 Sep 2016 06:30 PM PDT

Pexels
Pexels

THE FEMALE POINT OF VIEW : The Mysterious Case Of Friend-Zone.

It starts as it always does. You meet a cute girl and start hanging out together. She likes talking with you, she is laughing at your jokes, and you think that she might be into you, but you're too afraid to make a move. Time goes by and you're still only friends. Finally you decide that it's now or never. You reveal your feelings. Then she delivers that oh-so-familiar line: "Let's just be friends."

Ok, friendship is great, but is not what you want from this pretty girl you can't stop thinking about! Unfortunately, this is not the first time this has happened. Sometimes you feel afraid to make a move, because you already feel that you are already in the "Friend Zone." How to get out of the friend zone and why are the girls you like always the ones that just want to be friends?

From my observations, I can say that there are 2 reasons why women friend-zone men:

FIRST SCENARIO (Unfortunate but not hopeless): She's Not Into You.

It's nobody's fault. Like men, women have their own preferences. Believe me, most of the times a woman's idea of the 'perfect man' is surprising even to her closest friends!

You can be the cutest guy on earth, smart, funny, with a good-paying job, and even be extremely attractive to other women, but sometimes THAT GIRL IS JUST NOT INTO YOU. She might be flattered that you are flirting with her and she may even respond to your attention in a flirtatious way. If she is flirting, but only wants to stay friends, she probably just enjoys male attention. If you are not completely her type, she probably won't go and take your relationship to the "next level." You might seem nice, intelligent, and funny to her, but are simply not attractive enough. Sounds tough, I know. Fortunately, there are some tricks I will share with you that can use to change her mind.

First, some examples: My best friend is a totally gorgeous girl. She's intelligent, has an amazing smile and long legs. She really could have any guy! But she was friend-zoning almost every man who approached her. Sometimes there were really hot guys showing interest in her, but she still wasn't interested in any of them. The reason was simple: she liked only dark-skinned, muscular guys. Whenever cute guys with a different kind of look approached her, she would be friendly – she would flash her big smile and bat her eyelashes, but she never went beyond that. She wouldn't compromise her tastes in a guy that didn't match her type.

If you are physically or mentally the opposite of her type, – for example, you are a cute, but quite short man, and she happens to like tall 'Viking type' guys – I am sorry, it more than likely will not work out. If you are bartender and she is into guys that work in finance or at fancy consultancy firms, it will be very difficult to get this girl. This could happen for any number of reasons: You are obviously a playboy and she likes decent, shy guys. You are an accountant but she is only interested in artsy types.. That doesn't mean there aren't any exceptions, but usually if you are not her type, it will be changing her mind no matter what you do.

Perhaps you feel that this is not the case? Did she used to date guys similar to you, and could she be into you, but there is something you are always doing wrong?

SECOND SCENARIO: You are doing something wrong, which made her begin to think of you only as a friend.

If this is the case, then there is good news. It's possible to change her mind and I am going to tell you how.

You can change her mind with these six easy steps:

1) Keep your cool and accept the situation

Don't beg for her to give you a chance, EVER. She made a conscious decision to not be anything more than friends with you. You must play with the irrational, illogical side of her personality. You'll do much better if you start putting less focus on her and more focus on you.

2) Focus on self-improvement

Nobody is perfect, so there is always a huge amount of room for improvement. It gives us hope as well, right? Start looking your best. Go to the gym and keep up a healthy diet. Also, don't forget about the intellectual side of things. Try to be a hot and interesting person. If you feel more confident about yourself, she will probably notice it. Girls love self-confidence and after all, the special girl you want is just a another girl.

3) Spend time with her doing regular things

No candles, dinner, watching sunset, listening to CD's at your place, etc. Just invite her out to do "friendly" things with you. After all, this is exactly what she wanted, right? Go out and do the things you would do yourself anyway, like going out to buy new clothes and stuff like that. Shopping is actually a good idea for 2 reasons. She will be happy to help you and you will have a good opportunity to 'accidentally' show her some of your finely worked out body (see number 2).

Every situation that leaves some space for physical contact that leaves her thinking about you are helpful in this situation. Always try to emphasize your sexuality, but in a very polite, seemingly unconscious way.

4) Hang out with other people and have fun

A little dose of jealousy never hurt anyone. It's like fueling her fire with desire. Without a little portion of it, any relationship can get boring, so flirt with other women! A lot. You can be the perfect guy, but she can't know that she 'has' you. Ever.

Even If you have revealed your feelings to her directly or you have made it obvious to her, you should try to attract other women too! You will become more valuable in the mind of the girl you actually want. A twinge of jealousy that comes from knowing other people find you attractive is priceless.

The old adage 'never put all your eggs in one basket' is very true, so take advantage of it. Start meeting other people. It will get her curious, but also help you get some practice flirting. The more women you meet, the better you become at playing the game and getting the girl you want.

5) Finally, the difficult part, which probably you are doing wrong: flirting

Never forget the importance of sexual attraction. Of course, it's less significant of an issue for women than for men, but after all, we have certain needs. Start teasing her and giving her compliments, but avoid elaborate, sophisticated ones. For example, perfume is a safe subject. If she chooses to wear perfume, it means she liked the scent, so it's safe. It's also a very sensual compliment. Always avoid teasing or discussing her age or weight. It can only go wrong.

6) Use sensual tricks

Touch her from time to time. I don't mean grab her ass. I'm talking about touching her arm casually. I know it's difficult for shy people, but if you play it cool, almost as though it's accidental, it can work. But always pay attention to how she responds. Moderation is the best solution for everything.

All in all, you have to be a great observer. Pay attention to her and see if her attitude towards you has changed. If you see that she looks at you differently, touches you sometimes, starts flirting with you herself, notices that you work out, gets jealous when you are flirting with another woman, then these are all good signs! She will probably not make a move, so you must make it yourself. But she will give you hints to encourage you to kiss her or ask for a date.

The last resort: Leverage the friendship

If everything fails, accept the friendship with your crush. Try to banish your romantic feelings for her as much as you can and focus on being a good friend – and stand by your decision. That way you are "just" a friend by YOUR own choice, but by hers.

You might think "Why would I do that, I really want to be more than just friends with her". If you she absolutely, positively and no circumstances reciprocates your feelings, you just have to move on… and capitalize on the opportunity to hook up with one of her friends!

You are in the perfect position to pull that off, because you have earned the trust and social proof of your crush. Getting to know one of her friend is a piece of cake from here. Just don't end up in the friend zone again. TC mark

9 Not-So-Subtle Differences Between The Chill Girl And The Cool Girl

Posted: 19 Sep 2016 06:00 PM PDT

 Caleb Frith
Caleb Frith

There seems to be a major discrepancy between the nuances of being the Cool Girl and being the Chill Girl.

The Chill Girl stems from the initial Needy Girl. Let’s be brutally honest here– almost all women are needy girls, because neediness is an arbitrary term. Women are emotional creatures and at most, we can only tolerate a certain amount of disinterest from a male counterpart to either cling to him further and be used; or to simply walk away.

Eventually, we learn that we are required to be more chilled, apathetic almost, to the indifference of our partners. After all, being in a so-called relationship feels so much safer than to be single; until you liberate yourself.

For the Chill Girls out there, please wake up. Be the Cool Girl again.

What draws the line between the Cool Girl and the Chill Girl?

The Cool girl practices self-love.
The Chill girl needs some kind of external validation of being.

The Cool girl dates with standards and choice.
The Chill girl dates whoever and goes along with their plans.

The Cool girl does not play games.
The Chill girl won't acknowledge it when a guy is constantly shitting on her.

The Cool girl knows who she is — separate from all relationships.
The Chill girl morphs into whoever her boyfriend wants her to be.

The Cool girl will call guys out on their bullshit.
The Chill girl let things slide.

The Cool girl respects boundaries of herself and her partner.
The Chill girl has no boundaries of her own.

The Cool girl observes how she is being treated on a daily basis.
The Chill girl takes the pain.

The Cool girl knows when to walk away.
The Chill girl is being a doormat.

The Cool girl is happier being single.
The Chill girl is terrified of her loneliness. TC mark

It’s Better To Be Single Than With The Wrong Person

Posted: 19 Sep 2016 05:30 PM PDT

Rachael Crowe
Rachael Crowe

On my 21st birthday, I woke up to the following text message from my boyfriend at the time: "I can't do this anymore. I don't love you, I could never love someone like you."

I remember how hard I cried myself to sleep that night, and how many more times I cried over that same boy. I wish I could say that I learned my lesson and never went back to him but that would be a lie. We got back together so many more times, each time hoping that this time would be different. But it's never different, it actually just gets worse while your heart keeps slowly breaking till there's no love left between you two, only bitterness.

When I finally moved on and started dating someone new, I remember getting my heart broken all over again when he left me for his (female) best friend. Let's just say, a lot of my birthdays have been ruined.

I've always been the type to dive right into a relationship. From the minute I meet someone I'm interested in, I jump in blindly, hoping for love. I ignore all the red flags and I get so attached and invested way too early in the relationship. I think I have always been drawn to the idea of love more than I've been drawn to any of the guys I've ever dated. Maybe if I actually bothered getting to know the guys I date before diving head first into a relationship, I would save myself some heartache.

Looking back, I don't think I've ever truly loved any of my exes, which is pretty wild considering that I was in an on-and-off relationship for 7 years.

How could you be with someone you didn't love for 7 years? You might be thinking.

Well, I think I mistook infatuation for love. I was obsessive, and I thought that I needed this other person to complete me. I was desperate for him to love me because I didn't love myself and the thought of being alone frightened me.

Sometimes we're so desperate for love that we look for it in all the wrong places. We latch onto the wrong people, hoping they can fill a void in our lives. I've dated so many emotionally unavailable men, probably because I myself am emotionally unavailable. It's almost as if I enter into these bad relationships knowing on some level that they won't end well or last.

What happened to the good ol' days when things didn't have to be so complicated? When we didn't know what heartbreak felt like? When we were young and naive and we assumed that our first love could and would overcome anything?

I wish I could go back in time—to when I was younger and I believed that love was the most beautiful thing in the world. To the time before any of my exes decided to cheat on me, before I had to question what love stood for.

But I can't.

We all want to be loved, yet we're too afraid to give love a real chance. We take more than we give. We brag about how heartless we are. Dating has become a competition where the winner is the one who feels less.

We keep people around just for the attention, even when we have no intention of seriously dating them—even when there's no chance in hell that we'll ever fall in love with them. Many of us would much rather be in the wrong relationship than face being alone.

When did love become such a burden?

2016 is the first year in my dating life that I don't have a boyfriend. I think after my past dating experience, I realized that I need to focus on myself first before I give my all again to someone else.

There are a lot of things that I miss about being in a relationship, like having someone to help zip my dress up and having someone to hold me at night. It would be easy for me to go back to one of my exes because trust me, they always come back. Instead, I've made the conscious decision to stay single and to work on myself so that one day—when the right guy comes along—I'll be ready for him.

When that day comes, I won't take his love for granted. I won't run away when things get tough. I won't obsess over whether or not he calls me every second. I won't wonder constantly whether or not he loves me back. Instead, I will be confident enough in our relationship and in myself that everything will work out if it's meant to.

Until that day comes though, I rather be alone and happy.

Yes, being alone is lonely, but it is so much lonelier to be with the wrong person. TC mark

This story originally appeared on DaddyIssuesLA. 

Women Secretly Find These 40 Things Irresistible In A Man

Posted: 19 Sep 2016 05:00 PM PDT

Twenty20, BYONELOVE
Twenty20, BYONELOVE

1. Covering us with a blanket when we unexpectedly fall asleep.

2. Using a big word, like ostentatious or substantiate, in casual conversation.

3. Calling our father “sir.”

4. Doing a double take when we walk into the room in a brand new dress.

5. Wearing the most delicious cologne.

6. Wearing a suit with his tie undone or his jacket off.

7. Giving us a bear hug. One where he lifts us off of the ground.

8. Running his hands through his hair as soon as he sees us, because he wants to look good for us.

9. Putting his hand on our waist when he’s trying to walk us through a crowded room.

10. Kissing us on the cheek to say hello or goodbye.

11. Getting emotional over a chick flick he didn’t want to watch in the first place.

12. Casually putting his arm around us when we’re sitting together at a party.

13. Winking at us from across the room.

14. Giving us one of those adorably flirty half-smiles.

15. Getting on the floor to play with our pet or our baby brother.

16. Driving with one hand on the steering wheel and the other on our thigh.

17. Asking us if we’re sure before having sex with us.

18. Wearing that embarrassing shirt we bought him out in public.

19. Bringing up a joke that we told months ago and completely forgot about.

20. Casually mentioning how much his parents love us.

21. Hugging us from behind.

22. Rolling his sleeves up to his forearms to expose his muscles.

23. Kissing us on the forehead when he thinks that we’ve already fallen asleep.

24. Counting down the days until our birthday or anniversary.

25. Kissing us on the hand.

26. Bringing us another beer or slice of cake, even though we didn’t ask for it.

27. DVRing our favorite movie, so we can watch it anytime we want.

28. Letting us out before he parks the car, so we don’t have to run through the rain.

29. Walking on the outer portion of the sidewalk, so that he’s closest to the street.

30. Playing guitar. Or piano. Or drums. Or really, any instrument at all.

31. Running his hand across our skin when we’re resting our head on his lap.

32. Putting emojis next to our name in his phone. Or listing us under a cute nickname that he’s come up with.

33. Brushing our hair back when it falls into our face.

34. Cursing.

35. Stumbling over his words, because he’s caught off guard by how stunning we look.

36. Cooking us a meal that actually ends up tasting delicious.

37. Stretching his arms and accidentally lifting his shirt to reveal his chest.

38. Singing in the car.

39. Saying our name.

40. Glancing down at our lips while we’re talking. TC mark

I Never Want To Marry My Boyfriend And I’m Proud Of That (So Please Stop Asking Where My Ring Is At)

Posted: 19 Sep 2016 04:30 PM PDT

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Over cocktails the night before my good friend's wedding recently, a fellow rehearsal dinner guest casually asked how long I'd been dating my boyfriend, who was dutifully fetching me a glass of wine at the time."

"We met nine years ago,” I said. “And we've been dating seriously for six."

Immediately, the half-drunk bro grabbed my left hand. "No ring?" he said, as if it were his place to undermine my long-term relationship with two slurred words and a pitying smirk because (OMG!) I wasn't yet betrothed.

What a fool! his expression said. Poor girl's being strung along by some dude who's never going to pop the question.

For the record, my boyfriend is the opposite of the commitment phobe my naked ring finger might suggest. The man refers to me constantly as his wife—to waiters, customer service representatives, friends, and family—because the word "girlfriend" sounds ridiculously insufficient to him. Plus, he’s definitely proposed on a few occasions (when he was a tad buzzed, maybe, but also because he was maybe serious), and I've always politely declined.

It’s not that I’m not madly in love with my boyfriend (I am), or that I don’t plan on spending the rest of my life with him (I do). The simple truth is, I give exactly zero fucks about the institution of marriage.

If only I'd responded to that prying guy with some smart, dignified comment that at once put him in his place and established that I don't aspire to be married—ever.* Instead, I faltered over my next few sentences, mangling some version of the response I always give in such situations:

"He keeps proposing, and I just keep saying no…Plus, if we get married, I know someone will force me to have a wedding, and I hate being the center of attention…I'd rather keep the cash than throw a giant party I'd probably want to Houdini from around midnight anyway."

While these statements are an accurate reflection of my feelings on the subject, my claims are never interpreted as honest, probably because I deliver them so damn sheepishly rather than in the empowered way I’d like to. I tend to come off as if I'm justifying my relationship status rather than celebrating it. Why? Maybe because I'm used to fielding the doubt that follows a no-thanks-to-marriage assertion from a 30-something woman who's been dating the same guy for a long-ass time.

No one seems to want to believe that I don't want a ring, let alone a wedding or a marriage.

I understand that society is designed to favor married couples, especially those who choose to raise children. I also know that some women genuinely dream of a fairytale wedding, and while certain aspects of the modern wedding make me squirm with discomfort, I don't blame anyone for aching to toast their coupledom amongst friends and family. I also fully respect and appreciate that some couples marry primarily for financial and/or religious reasons.

All of that said, as half of a happily unmarried duo, I take issue with the sense of validation people attach to the institution of marriage—as if married couples are necessarily more serious, more committed, or more in love than their unwedded counterparts. Tying the knot doesn't guarantee lasting happiness, and it certainly doesn't protect you from breaking up. What it does is make the process of splitting a whole lot trickier from a logistical standpoint.

Truthfully, at the root of our cultural obsession with marriage, I smell fear and insecurity.

It seems like a lot of people marry to feel safer in their relationship—to procure some degree of certainty that their significant other is less likely to flee when shit gets tough. I'm not suggesting there's anything wrong with that. But aren't long-term couples that forgo the nuptial seal worthy of the same respect?

No matter how hard it is for me to articulate this to strangers who shame me for checking "single" on my tax returns six years into a serious relationship:

I do not need to be married to feel secure in my relationship, and I'm proud of that.

I don't need a license to know in my heart that my boyfriend adores me, or that he's committed to sticking it out. Nine years after locking eyes for the first time, we still crave nothing more than to be in each other's company. We are best friends, playmates, and lovers. We've merged our financial resources and divided all household chores equally. We are each other's most trusted advisors, go-to confidantes, and medical proxies. We know each other's social security numbers and passwords to (almost) every single account. His parents even refer to me as their daughter-in-law without the necessary paperwork.

Shouldn't that be enough? At least, isn't there something super romantic about not seeking more?

Of course, like any other couple, my boyfriend and I fight occasionally, and we sometimes experience relationship doubts. But we're in it for the long haul. I don't need some higher power to witness him promise forever, or a government official to ratify our commitment. His word is sufficient.

And if he breaks it, guess what? I'll be okay, just like any divorcée.

Maybe I'm a curmudgeon intent on bucking convention because she’s incapable of appreciating tradition. Maybe I'm secretly jealous. Or maybe I'm just lucky to be with someone I trust that much—someone whose signature I do not need as proof of his plans to stay with me until death says our time is up.

*The only way I'm getting married is if the government essentially forces me to by making those federal tax breaks too damn tempting to ignore. Until then, I’m content with our “domestic partner” status. TC mark

20 Little Facts About Social Intelligence That Well-Liked People Know

Posted: 19 Sep 2016 04:00 PM PDT

Sophia Sinclair
Sophia Sinclair

1. The fastest way to get anybody to like you is to be interested in them. “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you."

2. Everyone thinks their politics are reasonable. Everyone thinks that the farther left is too naive and the farther right is too selfish (or whatever the case may be). If they didn’t think that way, they’d place themselves there.

3. Social cues are often painfully obvious. We complicate interpretations of them when our feelings are threatened, but ultimately: if someone loves you, they will show it. If they want to speak with you, they will do so. If they like you, you will be able to tell.

4. In terms of the more subtle, subconscious signs someone likes you: watch for mimicking. People who take interest in you want you to take interest back, and start to behave in a way that will make you see them as “one of your own.” Watch for posture, hand gestures, accents, etc.

5. If any answer to something large and complex seems so obvious that it would infuriate you, you don’t understand the question.

6. “I think” and “I feel” are not interchangable terms.

7. There are two things that determine whether a conversation will be civil and productive, or erupt into an argument: tone and defensiveness. You cannot be open to new ideas if you think that new ideas threaten your sense of self, or security in the world; others cannot hear clearly when it sounds as though you’re attacking them.

8. If you want to know the most important things about yourself, observe what you love and hate in others. At either of those extreme emotions you are recognizing what you appreciate about yourself, and what you cannot yet see in yourself.

9. All people are “good” people. The argument that someone is a “good person deep down” is pointless. It’s conditioning, illness or circumstance that influences “bad” behavior, particularly when it’s conditioning, illness or circumstance that counter your personal interests or beliefs.

10. … So if you think you’re above that “bad” behavior, consider deindividuation, or why violence tends to emerge in groups. We easily lose our identities to the whole, as when anonymity is an option, and responsibility is no longer solely ours, we are free to do what feels best, which is be a part of something that feels bigger than us, and affirmed by those around us.

11. We tend to think we’re better than other people only because we understand our own circumstances. When rationalizing our own lives, we attribute our fortune to internal factors, and misfortune to external forces. When rationalizing other people’s lives, we attribute their behavior to internal characteristics.

12. A fact is something that is objectively true. An opinion is something you feel is true, without necessarily having evidence. Develop opinions from the facts you have, not the feelings you have.

13. The spotlight effect will have you believing that everyone is thinking about you, judging you, etc. and will induce a lot of anxiety until you realize everyone is thinking the same way.

14. When choosing a romantic partner, we seek comfort, not love. Comfort = relationships we are familiar with. This is why people who are wrong for us are so addicting, why children of addicts often marry them, and so on. We are more driven by comfort than we are anything else.

15. People tend to prefer the default option, which is why so many settle in love, career, etc. It’s because they confuse the comfort of being excused from making a difficult decision with the belief that something is the best option just because it already seems chosen for them.

16. People can basically convince themselves of anything. If you want to think someone is your soul mate, you will be able to find evidence that they are. Be careful of what you want to believe.

17. You teach people how to treat you by what you tolerate, and how you respond. In other words, you teach people how to treat you by how you treat yourself.

18. Honesty without empathy is cruelty.

19. There’s a difference between what our eyes see and what our brains see. Because of the sheer volume of sensory information coming into your mind at any given moment, your brain has to make sense of it by interpretation. What you perceive is heavily influenced by your knowledge, background, familiarity, etc. This is why you want to expand your consciousness: the more you understand, the more you can experience.

20. Just be nice. People operate under the idea that being attractive or successful will “earn” them love from people, but really, it’s just being nice that will. People don’t care how accomplished you are, they care how you treat others. The idea that accomplishment can get you love is something that emerges when being kind does not get you love (aka, you are trying to seek it from the wrong people). So just be nice. You can’t “earn” love either way. TC mark