Thought Catalog


13 Things That Could Definitely Happen If I Put My Phone Away

Posted: 27 Sep 2016 08:46 PM PDT

Milada Vigerova
Milada Vigerova

1. I might have to make eye contact with somebody nearby.

2. Worse—I might actually have to communicate with them and talk about the weather.

3. Actually, I won't even know what the weather is like because my phone tells me.

4. Someone could text me asking if I want that extra First Class seat they have for a flight to Europe because their sister can't make it. Or they could ask me if I want to go to Chipotle. Missing out on either is of equal concern to me.

5. I could be missing out on roasting someone in one of my many group chats.

6. Worse—everyone could be talking shit about me, and it would seem like I was just tolerating it.

7. I won't be able to analyze everyone's Instagrams and silently scream about how much better everyone's life looks compared to mine. Like, how are people my age gallivanting around on yachts? ALSO, IT’S A TUESDAY.

8. I will genuinely be ignoring somebody's texts, instead of intentionally ignoring somebody's texts, which strips me of the only power I have ever known.

9. Beyoncé will probably come out with another surprise album.

10. I could be invited to a Facebook event and miss the chance at being that asshole who replies "maybe."

11. What if a coworker asks me if I’ve seen Eraserhead? How am I supposed to quickly and subtly IMBd the movie and read the synopsis to decide whether it’s one of those movies I probably should’ve watched or if he’s just fucking around with me and made up the title?

12. I could get a slight headache, or something caught in my eye, and not be able to look up my symptoms on WebMD and immediately conclude that I’ve scratched my cornea or have a brain tumor.

13. I could unexpectedly get drunk and not be able to text anybody. TC mark

How Joining A ‘Lady Gym’ Taught Me That I’m A Weak Male Chauvinist Pig

Posted: 27 Sep 2016 08:30 PM PDT

via Unsplash - Ron S.
via Unsplash – Ron S.

I call it a Lady’s gym but no one there would call it a Lady’s gym. They’d just call it a gym. Of course, most of the people there are ladies so this would make sense. To them it’s just “the gym”. It’s the same with the weightlifters at all the dude gyms I’ve been to over the years. None of them would call their gym a “dude gym” but it is.

So, I’m calling it a Lady’s gym even though it’s not all ladies. Let’s be clear, it’s mostly women and it’s all group classes, something I absolutely have been snobby about in the past. Who wants to do something in a group according to other people’s rules and on their schedule? I need to lift weights and grunt. I need squats and deadlifts.

Well, you see, things have changed. After being basically sedentary for two years I weigh 184 pounds which is the heaviest I have ever been. That weight has gone two places, my stomach and my face. I don’t look that good. I look sloppy.

So, a month ago I agreed to go to my girlfriend’s gym which offers mostly cycling but also calisthenics, all in a group setting. It’s very cardio heavy and since I quit smoking over a year ago I need that.

I figured this would all be very easy, honestly. I thought that it would be very much about feeling good and giving effort that was mostly half hearted, and then collecting your cucumber washcloth on your way out the door. You see, I’ve done “flow” yoga and know how unimpressive it is, meant mostly for people who want a lifestyle experience more than a workout. From that, I got the impression this was how many women work out, pathetically.

Oh dear reader, I was a sexist fool.

The first day I went to class we did a full hour of cycling which is standard. It was hard and I sweated a lot even though the room was well air-conditioned. The exercises weren’t limited to simple bike sprints or increased difficulties. There were also very light weights, child’s weights you might call them, two and three pounds and pink or purple. Weights for weaklings.

But when we got to the part where you are riding your stationary bike on a high difficulty while, at the same time, doing various lifts and presses with these petite weights I quickly found that while I started strong (oh it was so easy) I was soon left in the dust. My arms drooped and before long I was bent over the handle bars gasping, my shoulders very possibly actually combusting into flame.

It was amazing and after the first two times I had trouble walking. I went three more times over the next week or so.

But I wasn’t convinced this stuff was hard. “Sure,” I thought, “biking is hard but it’s hard for everyone. I bet I’m doing more than the others here anyway.”

You see, I’m competitive and also a fool. I’d also ridden 100 miles in one day at the age of 15 with no prior preparation so I had preconceived notions. This toxic combination made me believe, truly, that going to the Fusion Pro class toward the end of last week would be so easy, unbelievably easy. Calisthenics? That’s just moving your body around without resistance. No problem. Famous last words.

I arrived for the class a few minutes early just as people were trickling in. Then I saw the instructor. She stood about 5’6 and had a strong build but more eye catching than that was that she was pregnant and I don’t mean a little pregnant. She was very pregnant to be teaching a class. She was seven months pregnant if she was a day.

“This class is going to be cake,” I said to myself. Already I was regretting even coming. A pregnant teacher? How hard could the class be if a pregnant woman could teach it? I almost, almost went to the cycling class instead where I knew I could control the intensity but I decided it would be rude and stuck it out.

It started off easily enough, some air squats, a few jump and clap and dips, a few burpies. Then I looked up at the clock. We were seven minutes in. Behind the instructor some remixed pop song was playing on the stereo and it blared through speakers around the room. The atmosphere was light. “Let’s go,” she yelled, cheerily.

Ten minutes passed and just like that I wanted to die. My legs and shoulders were on fire. I could not breath anymore and in fact, at that point, I was no longer sure I had ever taken a full and satisfying breath in my entire life.

“It’s okay to take breaks, just keep moving,” she said to everyone, encouragingly.

But I knew she was talking to me. I looked around at all the others in the class, all women of different shapes and sizes, all moving in unison in their leotards and tights and loose t-shirts. All of them were sweating but none were gasping. Their legs weren’t twitching.

Twenty minutes into the class I was sure that it must be nearly over until I look at the clock on the wall and saw I had 40 more minutes of this. Forty more minutes for this pregnant mother-to-be to destroy me body and mind. My head was pounding and hurt, it swam a bit. I was having trouble staying upright and nearly fell over a couple of times but I was determined. This was harder than cross fit by far.

She. Will. Not. Break. Me.

I. Am. Man.

I didn’t actually think these things but I know I felt them.

Five minutes later and I was sitting on the floor. The instructor, glowing with exertion and happiness skipped over to where I was sitting. “I need to leave,” I gasped. I couldn’t look at her but not because I was ashamed. It was just that I could barely life my head.

“It’s fine,” she said. “Take care of yourself and drink a lot of water.”

I leave. The next day I could barely walk and the day after that. This, despite the stretching and water and electrolytes. On the third day things were more normal. I was unable to go to other classes because of this, because I thought these classes were for the weaker. The women ran free while I sat on my couch massaging my cramping legs.

Because of these experiences I have a completely different outlook on “lady gyms” now and, thanks to the women teaching going to these classes, in a few months of working out I’ll be more of a man than ever, body and mind.

Thank God for that. TC mark

You’re Not Really A Couple Until You Say These 36 Ridiculous Things To Each Other

Posted: 27 Sep 2016 08:15 PM PDT

Twenty20, @raex
Twenty20, @raex

1. "Other couples can't possibly love each other this much."

2. "If you ever die, I'll kill you."

3. "You're even better than I could've dreamed."

4. "I'd give up the fork utensil for good just to be with you."

5. "Your body really is a wonderland."

6. "How'd we get so damn lucky?"

7. "I love the way you drool."

8. "Let's die holding hands."

9. "I love you so much, I want to punch myself in the face sometimes."

10. "Let's never do anything with anyone but each other ever again."

11. "I'd rather have syphilis than spend another day without you."

12. "We must be the happiest two people in the world."

13. "You're seriously all I need."

14. "You are my oxygen."

15. "Without you, I'm nothing."

16. "I love you so much it hurts like hell."

17. "Can we be us forever?"

18. "If you ever cheat, I'll kill them and I’ll kill you too."

19. "You're the most beautiful person I’ve ever known."

20. "Before we met, I had no idea a human being could be so perfect."

21. "There's nothing I wouldn't do for you."

22. "You're my forever person, and I'm yours."

23. "Every time you smile, my heart melts."

24. "Your touch soothes my soul."

25. "You're an angel."

26. "I ooze true love when I'm around you."

27. "I need you to hug me right this second."

28. “Let’s do naughty things to each other.”

29. “Tell me I’m your everything.”

30. “Thanks to you, I understand what it means to make love.”

31. “You leave me speechless.”

32. “I just want to sit here and watch you be you.”

33. “Finally. You.”

34. “If I believe in God, I’d thank Him for you.”

35. “Every day is better, now that we’re together.”

36. “It’s really like we were made for each other.” TC mark

14 Dudes Confess The Things Women Do In Bed That They Absolutely Hate

Posted: 27 Sep 2016 08:00 PM PDT

via Pexels - Paul Leng
via Pexels – Paul Leng

1. Don’t Make Comparisons

Never make a comparison to an ex. That probably goes for both parties though.

Captain_-H

2. Don’t just lay there!

That is the worst thing you can possible do, it just burns in your soul. This exactly happened to when I lost my virginity. My girlfriend, who was way more experienced than I was, just lay there doing nothing. It was awful, like I was fucking a corpse. her eyes closed, completely motionless and passive, just taking it. No contact, no passion, no signs of life.

Since it was my first time this still haunts me, it was the beginning of my sexual life, I started it by basically fucking a blow up doll. I assumed I did something terribly wrong but the weirdest part of all is the she told me she really enjoyed it. WTF!?!

So please ladies, when you are having sex with your SO, especially when you are taking his virginity so some signs that you are enjoying yourself, that you think your man is sexy, tell him you can feel him inside you, moan, scream whatever. Even if you’re the quiet type just move with him. Anything! Just make contact with him.

I’m begging you for all the men in the world, coming from a man who’s first time was ruined by a totally passive girlfriend.

Soul-in-Ether

3. Don’t Fake It

Never fake it. Seriously, it’s far better to work with us to get better rather than letting us believe what we’re doing is working.

wj2ak

4. Men Need Coaxing Too

Not pay attention to my junk, then get upset when it’s not hard. Ladies, we need a little stroking and sucking sometimes.

I_Want_What_I_Want

5. Do Be Assertive

Ladies, be assertive! This from personal experience and I don’t want to say that all girls are this way but if you have sex: show initiative and be assertive. Don’t just lay there and wait for it to pass, tell us what you like, what you like and let yourself go.

Automaton84

6. Don’t Squeeze It To Death

Death grip. I feel like a lot of girls think guys like it when you just grab the fuck on and jerk it like your pumping water from a well.

Be delicate ladies.

teedots

7. Don’t Talk About Dick Size Unless It’s A Compliment

Comment on size of a man’s junk unless its a complement or he wants otherwise. In general guys are pretty touchy about their size and its a rather taboo subject guys think about, but hardly talk about. Most every guy will respond to gratification about size or feel like shit if it its commented on negatively. Try to be positive about it!

onemanlan

8. Don’t Talk About Other Dicks

Had an ex who’d previously been married to a guy with an enormous cock. So big, he couldn’t go all the way in without hitting her cervix and hurting her. Sex for them was a balancing act, enough depth, but not too much. So it was quite a bit of frustration for them as they couldn’t just let it all go wild. It turned into an almost clinical operation consisting of a few positions that were mutually satisfying, with very controlled not-too-deep thrusting. (I found this all out over a three year relationship). My own junk is about average size, and was perfect for her bits, exactly the right sized to only bottom out in the deepest penetrating positions, and even then, with slow work up I could go jackhammer balls deep and it was awesome!

Anyway, that’s the background. The first time we had sex, we’d been groping and kissing in the living room, and she got all hot and worked up and led me to her bed. She started undressing me, which was nice, and I undressed her, item by item. It was going great, I was excited and had my boner ready to plant in her velvety folds. When she pulled my boxers off and saw my “Little Pomo” standing at attention, she gasped with pleasure, which I liked, but then she said “Thank God you’re not huge“. Man, o man, instant soft-on. She can think things like that, but why the hell say them??? Why not say “That looks perfect”? Why, oh why “Not huge”?

pomo

9. Don’t “Surprise”

Sticking a finger in the bum as a surprise.

sayno2fap

10. Don’t Text

Texting. My god, I was in my bed with a girl after a party and she would pick up her phone every 5 minutes to text someone. I would ask who she was texting or if anything was wrong and she wouldn’t tell me. She seemed like she was enjoying it and I KNOW she was attracted to me (second hookup) but the phone thing was extremely distracting and turned me off.

deleted

11. Yikes

Talk about giving birth.

PenguinT88

12. Be Positive!

Well, for both partners: No complaining. Keep communication positive. “mmm baby, rise up your arms more!!” Is way the hell better than “ugh, I can’t breath”. It always helps to know what you want ahead of time, so that if something isn’t working right, then you can always request something else. But again, request it in terms of “I really want” rather than “lets do something else”.

throwawayoldcoffee

13. Be Involved, Not Just Present

Don’t make a terrible face after you let me cum in your mouth. It makes me feel like I just shit on your chest.

If you’re on top, please don’t start really going to town before you really know my penis. If I slip out and you slam down: that shit hurts.

If we kiss, use some goddam tongue. This isn’t grade school; We’re having sex. Fuck my mouth with your mouth.

If you’re sitting on my face, don’t make me do ALL of the work. Grab my hair, and fucking grind yourself on my face. Have fun with it.

And last, but not least: Do NOT touch my nipples unless I say it’s okay.

Nimgoble

14. Not Communicating

  • If something feels great and you want more say it. If you don’t and I change positions early you’ve lost your own orgasm.
  • If you are in the mood for something unusual then let’s talk about it before sex.
  • Teeth are for eating not BJ’s.
  • Commit to a BJ the way we commit to oral and be enthusiastic. If it’s a chore to you then it’s a bore to me.

Sciency_shit TC mark

Here’s What Kind Of Girlfriend You Are, Based On Your Favorite ‘Parks And Rec’ Character

Posted: 27 Sep 2016 07:45 PM PDT

Parks and Recreation
Parks and Recreation

Leslie Knope

You can be a little overwhelming, but only to those who don’t know how to handle a woman with big ideas and a lot of ambition. You’ll always prefer a meaningful homemade gift over a fancy and expensive one, and all you really need to be happy in a relationship is a significant other who can keep up with you. Your favorite kind of date night is the one where you marathon five hours of a show together and then you check off a thousand things on your to-do list while your significant other takes a luxurious nap.

Ron Swanson

You’re straightforward, you say what’s on your mind, and you don’t take any bullshit. You have no qualms about commitment, but if your partner wants to make the relationship Facebook official or likes to post selfies of the two of you 24/7, you’ll run in the opposite direction. You’re very private about your relationship, but you’re also very loving.

Ann Perkins

You’ve dated every type of person under the sun, and at this point, you have no doubts about what you want. You’ve worked very hard to figure yourself out, and even though it’s a continuous journey, you’re confident in who you are and you look at your significant other as someone who is supposed to complement that process instead of deterring it.

Ben Wyatt

Nothing makes you happier than nerding out with your one true love. You’re the girlfriend who wants to go to midnight premiers of Star Wars and Harry Potter, and your idea of a romantic getaway is a weekend spent at Comic-Con. You have no skills whatsoever when it comes to flirting and playing coy, but when you’re in a relationship, you’re as thoughtful, loving, and considerate as they come.

April Ludgate

You have no time for small talk and you don’t care about socializing, unless it’s with your partner or one of your carefully selected friends. You show your affection in offbeat ways, but you also don’t play games when it comes to dating. When you like someone, they know it. You’re incredibly loyal and when you’re in it, you’re 100% in it.

Andy Dwyer

You’re obviously incredibly silly, but that doesn’t mean you don’t take your relationship seriously. You do everything in your power to make your partner laugh, to make them feel loved, and to make them happy. You’re protective without being suffocating, and at the end of the day, your needs are pretty simple – to be treated well, to be loved back, and to be with someone who only encourages you to be yourself.

Tom Haverford

You’re open about your more shallow tendencies – you appreciate luxury, you often show your love through material things, and you’re not afraid to treat yo’self. But when you open up to someone on a more intimate level, you’re an incredibly thoughtful, sweet, and caring girlfriend. You show your partner you love them by working hard and taking care of them  – sometimes that means saying something really loving, and sometimes that means buying them super expensive sheets because you think they deserve to sleep like royalty.

Chris Traeger

Okay, so sometimes you’re exhausting, but your enthusiasm is also contagious. When you’re in love, everybody knows it and you have no concerns with hiding it. You’re frank about your feelings and are secure enough with yourself to be blatantly open about them with whoever you’re dating.

Jerry/Terry/Larry Gergich

You’re just a mess, but also, it’s like, okay, you’re sweet too, so just keep doing you. Most likely, your friends constantly make fun of you for being a noodle, but at the end of the day, you have the hottest significant other of them all. And you’re super casual about it.

Donna Meagle

You’re confident, self-assured, and independent, so when it comes to love, you won’t be tied down by just anyone. You’ve gone on plenty of dates and have had plenty of flings, but when you actually decide to settle down with just one person, it’s probably for life. And even if you’re hesitant at first, once you commit, you go all-in, and very consciously try to adapt them into your life and vice versa. With the right person, you know how to take down your walls, but you will never compromise your sense of self.

Craig Middlebrooks

You have a flair for the dramatic and you don’t attempt to keep this a secret. Whenever you’re with someone, you constantly joke about how you don’t know what the hell is going on and you make it very clear that you are not “good” at being in a relationship. You tend to go for the types of people that can mellow you out, and once you’ve found someone, you will tell them you love them – it just might be in a roundabout, overdramatic way.

Mark Brendanawicz

Stop it. Go away.

Jean-Ralphio Saperstein

You’re insane, and it’s fine, and whoever wants to be with you will know it from the get-go, and if they’re not into it, oh well. You’re like a bird on cocaine. You can’t be stopped. TC mark

101 Questions Girls Would Actually Want To Be Asked On A First Date

Posted: 27 Sep 2016 07:30 PM PDT

kirstylee
kirstylee

1. What were you like as a little kid?

2. Who are you closest to in your family?

3. Who do you think you’re most like in your family?

4. What’s your favorite memory from growing up?

5. What was your favorite subject in school?

6. Tell me about your best friend.

7. Why did you choose the college you chose?

8. What to you is a “perfect” day?

9. Which would be harder for you to give up: coffee or alcohol?

10. If you could trade lives with one person for an entire day who would it be and why?

11. What is something you wish people asked you more often?

12. If you were a stereotypical character in a movie, who would you be?

13. What is the movie you tell everyone is your favorite, and what is your actual favorite?

14. What was the last book you read that really resonated with you?

15. Pizza or wine?

16. Salty or sweet?

17. Summer or Fall?

18. What’s your favorite holiday that isn’t Christmas or your birthday?

19. If you could find out the truth to one unsolved mystery, which would you pick and why?

20. What is your favorite thing to do?

21. What is your favorite feature about yourself?

22. What’s the dumbest thing you’re afraid of?

23. What is the best gift you’ve ever received?

24. What is a TV show you can quote every line from?

25. What are you really, really good at?

26. Do you think you’d want to be famous?

27. If yes, how do you think you’d handle it?

28. What’s your superpower?

29. What superpower would you want?

30. What is your favorite quote?

31. What is a song that you can’t help but sing along to whenever you hear it?

32. How would you describe yourself in just five words?

33. What makes you laugh the hardest?

34. Who is your favorite TV couple that you think of when you think of “relationship goals”?

35. Why are you in the field that you’re in?

36. What do you love most about your job?

37. What do you like the least about it?

38. What is your most bizarre talent?

39. What’s your karaoke go to?

40. Who is the one person in this world that knows you best?

41. What do you love to do on your days off?

42. Do you think money really buys happiness?

43. So what is happiness to you?

44. What is something you've never done that you've always wanted to do?

45. Have you ever fought with a stranger online about something?

46. What to you is the perfect way to spend a weekend?

47. Tell me about the best party you’ve ever been to.

48. Is there a documentary or book that really changed the way you thought about something?

49. How do you think you’d fair in the Hunger Games?

50. What commercials make you cry?

51. What do you think is the most fun part about dating?

52. And what’s the worst part about dating?

53. How do you want people to remember you?

54. Are you a dog person or a cat person?

55. What’s your patronus?

56. What is your favorite part about the city you live in?

57. What would you want your obituary to say?

58. What’s your go-to Tinder bio?

59. How do you want to die?

60. What is one thing you feel your life is missing?

61. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?

62. What was the coolest part about where you grew up?

63. Tell me about how you became close with one of your best friends.

64. What’s your weirdest/quirkiest habit?

65. What’s one piece of advice you think everyone needs to live by?

66. If I asked your co-workers to describe you, what would they say?

67. What about your best friends?

68. How about your parents?

69. What do you think makes you unique from other people?

70. Where is the coolest place you’ve ever been to on a vacation?

71. If you weren’t doing what you’re doing now as a career, what would you want to be doing?

72. Who has had the biggest influence on your life?

73. Tell me about your childhood pets.

74. Who was your favorite teacher?

75. What was the dumbest thing you did in college?

76. What’s something that, try as you might, you just can’t do?

77. Were you popular in high school?

78. What’s your favorite word?

79. What’s your guilty pleasure?

80. If you could be best friend with any famous person, dead or alive, who would it be?

81. What’s your favorite memory ever?

82. When do you feel most yourself?

83. What would your Shark Tank idea be?

84. Who is a celebrity that drives you absolutely crazy?

85. What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?

86. What makes you nervous?

87. What are some of your ambitions in life?

88. Have an Tinder nightmare stories?

89. Do you consider yourself more of an introvert or an extrovert?

90. What makes you the most angry?

91. How do you feel about confrontation?

92. Who would play you in a movie about your life?

93. How did your parents pick your name?

94. What would you save first if your apartment caught on fire?

95. If you could change the decade you were born into, what would you change it to?

96. What’s the best part about your typical week?

97. Do you prefer to live alone or with roommates?

98. What’s the weirdest thing that pops up if I Google you?

99. Who do you call when you have big news?

100. What are you dying to ask me?

101. Can I get you another drink? TC mark

12 Micro Signs You’re Dating A Guy Who’s Worth Holding Onto

Posted: 27 Sep 2016 07:15 PM PDT

@fbahia / Twenty20.com
@fbahia / Twenty20.com

1. You keep talking about him to your friends.

You have the best friends in the world, which means they love you and have your back at all times. Over the years, they've saved you from many a jerk. They've picked you up, cleaned you off, and kept you moving forward. And not only are you unafraid of talking to them about this new guy, you can't shut the hell up about him!


2. You keep talking about him to your family.

The only people on Earth who've had your back longer than your friends are your family. Dad, especially, is ultra-protective of his Little Princess and has sent many a bad boy running. Knowing all this, you blab about him without hesitation because you know they'll be as charmed by him as you are.


3. All your friends and family members love love LOVE him.

Maybe the main reason is because he remembers all their names and tries to make them as happy as he makes you. To the last person, all your loved ones tell you that you’d be insane not hold onto him forever.


4. He remembers what you like and don't like.

The reason he sent you a surprise basket of butterscotch candies was because you once confessed to him that it was your favorite flavor. And when he orders surprise takeout, he never orders the beef curry because you told him you don't eat red meat. It's chicken curry all the way—extra-spicy, just the way you told him that you like it. He never mocks or questions your tastes—he only caters to them, and that's a keeper right there!


5. He texts and calls you just enough—but not too much.

He's always the last to text you at night and the first to text you in the morning. But even if you sleep with your head only six inches away from your phone, he never wakes you up in the middle of the night with 200 desperate drunk texts.


6. He's confident but not arrogant.

There's no bigger turnoff than a whiny man-child who makes you feel like you're mothering him. He takes care of business, does not suffer from low self-esteem, gets the job done under budget and ahead of schedule, and he pays all his own bills. But even though he's the handsomest and sexiest male specimen you've ever seen, he's genuinely flattered when you tell him so.


7. He not only pursues his own dreams, he helps you realize yours.

He has a five-year plan for improving his life and his finances. He's doing far better than he was five years ago, and you don't have a single doubt that he'll reach every dream he sets his mind on achieving. But he is also highly emotionally involved in helping you realize your own dreams. Even when you are depressed or despondent and ready to give up, he offers advice, encouragement, and hugs so strong, you have to catch your breath. In short, he is not intimidated by your success, because he only wants the best for you.


8. He handles you at your worst…

…and that’s why, like Marilyn Monroe said, he gets to see you at your best!


9. You don't feel as if you have to hide anything from him.

The most important thing about relationships is the ability to “be yourself” around your significant other. When I said he’s seen you at your worst, that not only means your mood swings—it means what you look like with no makeup in the morning. You’ve told him secrets you’ve been afraid to tell your closest friends, and you never felt judged, only accepted and understood. The reason you feel loved by him is because he’s seen you from every angle and still gives you a standing ovation every time.

10. When planning activities, he asks for your input.

A lot of men suffer from inferiority complexes, which is why they always need to be “in charge.” But unlike all those jerks, he doesn’t make everything about him all the time. If you just want to stay home with him on a Friday night and play Scrabble, he’ll forsake seeing his favorite band because you’re his favorite person.

11. He’s not threatened by your exes.

Because he cherishes and admires you, he knows there’s a very good reason they’re your exes.

12. You feel like you’ve known him much longer than you have.

Even the first time you started talking with him, it felt like you were reconnecting with an old friend. There’s a term for a guy like that—it’s called a “soul mate.” Listen, your friends and family are right—you’d be insane to let go of this guy. He is “the one,” and in your lifetime you only get one of them. TC mark

39 Things Men Never Want You To Do During Sex Again

Posted: 27 Sep 2016 07:00 PM PDT

Twenty20, Aldona_P
Twenty20, Aldona_P

1. Stop him in the middle of sex so you can go pee.

2. Use your teeth during a blowjob.

3. Put your clothes back on the second that sex is over.

4. Fake an orgasm.

5. Be rough with his balls.

6. Avoid eye contact, because you’re embarrassed about your body.

7. Cry.

8. Repeat the sayings you’ve heard in porn word-for-word.

9. Remain completely silent.

10. Make unrealistic, exaggerated moans.

11. Allow the dog or the cat onto the bed with you.

12. Give him hickeys.

13. Scratch so hard that it draws blood.

14. Ask constant questions to see if he likes what you’re doing.

15. Spit after a blowjob.

16. Kiss him after a blowjob.

17. Compare him to one of your exes.

18. Expect him to go down on you when you never go down on him.

19. Fall asleep in the middle of sex.

20. Put a finger in his ass without his consent.

21. Laugh at him when he tries to talk dirty.

22. Sit there and do absolutely nothing while he does all of the work. 

23. Look at the clock.

24. Fish for compliments.

25. Play with his nipples (or really, with anything) without his consent.

26. Climb into the exact same position every single time you have sex.

27. Ask him for a threesome with another man.

28. Pretend to be having a good time when you’re actually miserable.

29. Call him the wrong name.

30. Bring out the handcuffs and nipple clamps without talking to him about it beforehand.

31. Expect him to initiate sex every time, instead of doing it yourself.

32. Talk about your day, your chores, or anything else, aside from dirty talk.

33. Complain about how bloated you are.

34. Give him blue balls.

35. Act like you’re not in pain when you are.

36. Get pissed when he calls you a dirty little slut, even though you know he didn’t mean it as an insult.

37. Say anything negative about his body, even if it’s how his stomach is so “comfy.”

38. Talk about how fat you are or how much you hate your body.

39. Turn down sex, because you have a headacheTC mark

Here’s What Kind Of Girlfriend You Are, Based On What Kind Of Wine You Drink

Posted: 27 Sep 2016 06:45 PM PDT

 freestocks.org

freestocks.org

Riesling

You’re very sweet and unassuming. You’re absolutely the Betty, not the Veronica. Like, you probably have your hair in a ponytail 80% of the time. You’re very loving in relationships, but in a low-key way. You aren’t PDA central, which I’m sure the people who hang out with you appreciate.

Chardonnay

You always make your boyfriend watch The Bachelor with you. But tbh, you know he groans and makes fun just for show. Down deep, he’s harboring a fat man-crush on Chris Harrison.

Sauvignon Blanc

You’re easy going and dependable. You stick to your word, no matter what. Basically, the Friends theme song plays whenever you show up. You have a tendency to end up in very long-term relationships.

Pinot Grigio

You are so boring. I’m sorry, but someone had to say it. You’re cute though!

Rosé

Who?

Syrah

Damn okaaaay, I see you, you lil’ sex kitten. Your warmth and sensuality are unparalleled, and everyone is immediately drawn to you. You’re attentive and a hint mysterious, something that makes your partner incredibly attracted to you.

Merlot

You’re that chill combo of girlfriend and best friend. You’re somehow goofy and graceful all at once. You’re always down to be weird together and never take life too seriously.

Cabernet Sauvignon

You’re that girl everyone wants to date. You walk into the room and people just fall in love. Your energy is contagious and you’ve been called the life of the party on more than one occasion. You bring all these qualities to your relationship and are the perfect combo of spontaneous and confident.

Malbec

You’re willing to do anything once. If you know what I mean. (You know what I mean, right?)

Zinfandel

You always hashtag #foreveralone or make jokes about having cats despite the fact that you almost always have a boyfriend. Seriously, what’s the longest you’ve been single? Like, two months?

Pinot Noir

You’re adorable. Like, button nose, girl-next-door type. Men have probably called you “wife material” before and honestly? It’s so true. I would hate you if you weren’t so damn endearing. TC mark

Here’s What It’s Time You Forgave Yourself For, Based On Your Myers-Briggs Personality Type

Posted: 27 Sep 2016 06:30 PM PDT

 Audrey Reid
Audrey Reid

ENFP: Forgive yourself for leaving when you should have stayed.

There were times, ENFP, when you leapt before you looked and failed to be there for the people who needed you most. There were times when you let excitement get the better of you and failed to think through the consequences. And it’s time that you forgave yourself for all of it. You’ve learned when to run free and when to stay put. You’ve learned that your choices are not made in a vacuum. You’ve learned that you are accountable for the commitments you make, and you are not about to make the same mistakes again. So forgive yourself for having made them once. You are a better person now for having realized it.

INFP: Forgive yourself for the ways in which you fought through your pain.

There were dark times in your life, INFP, that happened long before you knew how to cope with them. There were times when you caused pain to both yourself and those around you. There were times when it seemed as though you’d never find a way out of your hurting. But you found one. But you got through it. But you arrived on the other side and it’s time that you forgave yourself for what you had to do to arrive there. You’ve learned how to carry on healthily. You’ve learned to cope without self-destructing. And having gone through those periods of darkness will help you lead others out of their own. The world needs someone who understands those depths, so its time you forgave yourself for having visited them.

ENFJ: Forgive yourself for the people you couldn’t save.

There were times when you gave someone your all, ENFJ, and it still wasn’t enough to pull them through. There were times when a loved one was in darkness and you couldn’t find the light switch they needed. There were times when you let the people you love down, despite your best efforts to do otherwise, and it’s time you forgave yourself for doing so. It’s time you realized that the only person you are truly, ultimately in charge of is yourself – and that nobody else ever changes a minute before they are ready to. Your big, huge heart is incredible but it is not a miracle worker – so forgive yourself for the changes you couldn’t force others to make.

INFJ: Forgive yourself for the perfection you never achieved.

There was a time, INFJ, when you were certain of who you would become. There was a time when your ideals were sky-high and your plan for achieving them seemed flawless. But we both know that no plan is without its weaknesses. And it’s time that you forgive yourself for having encountered them. It’s time that you let go of the ideals you could not rise to, no matter how determined you once were. It’s time you stopped beating yourself up for not being ‘enough’ and started recognizing that having achieved something halfway truly is better than having achieved nothing at all. Your failures can be building blocks, INFJ, if you allow them to be. But first you have to make peace with the perfection that you did not to achieve.

ESTP: Forgive yourself for the decisions you didn’t think through.

There were times, ESTP, when you leapt before looking and landed yourself in hot water. There were times when your short-term desires overtook the long-term considerations. There were times that you wish you could go back and do over, but the past is just that now – the past. It’s time you forgave yourself for acting on your impulses when you should have thought your actions through. You have learned how easily your impulses can lead you astray, and you’re a better person for knowing that now. So let go of the misguided actions you once took – you know better now, and you will do better going forward.

ISTP: Forgive yourself for the times you inadvertently hurt others.

There were times, ISTP, when you allowed your logic to overshadow your empathy, and you hurt some of the people you love. There were times when you spoke too soon or too bluntly and made enemies you didn’t mean to make. There were times when your heart failed to communicate with your head and someone else had to pay the price. But it’s time your forgave yourself for these slip-ups. It takes a long time to learn how to be human and you’re figuring it out as you go. These memories are burned inside your mind and you will not repeat them moving forward – so forgive yourself for having gone through them. Experience is the best teacher, after all.

ESTJ: Forgive yourself for the failures you’ve seen in the past.

There were times, ESTJ, when you couldn’t rise to the challenges you set for yourself. Times when yourself and others were counting on you and you let them down. Times that you cannot get out of your mind because you’re sure that they indicate future failures. But it’s time that you let these failures go, ESTJ. You are not exempt from falling short every so often and nobody expects you to be perfect. The sooner you allow yourself the space and permission to fail, the higher you will ultimately rise.

ISTJ: Forgive yourself for the injustices that you let slide.

There were times, ISTJ, when you couldn’t uphold the system that you so direly believe in. There were times when those around you needed help and you did not offer it. There were times when you strayed from the morals you so dearly uphold and it’s time that you forgave yourself for having done so. You are imperfect, ISTJ, just like everyone around you. But you are trying – and this counts for more than you know. You have not always gotten it right, but you remember and learn from the times when you got it wrong. And you will not let those opportunities to do right pass you by as you move forward.

ESFP: Forgive yourself for the times when you weren’t there for those who needed you.

There were times when you moved too fast, ESFP, and failed to notice who you were leaving in the dust. There were times when your loved ones needed help and you weren’t there to provide it. There were times when your self-interest outweighed your investment in others and it’s time that you forgave yourself for all of it. You’ve learned through the people you’ve hurt, through the hearts you’ve broken and through the help you didn’t give, that you need to look out for those around you. And you won’t let the opportunity to do so slide from this point on. You won’t let yourself fail to be present when it matters.

ISFP: Forgive yourself for hesitating when you should have leapt.

There were times, ISFP, when you ought to have leapt but you looked for too long and let the opportunity pass you by. There were times when you were so scared of what others may have thought that you failed to take action on what you wanted. There are times when you doubted yourself instead of believing in yourself and you wish you could go back and reverse your (lack of a) decision – but it’s time you forgave yourself for all of it. You’ve learned the hard way that good things come to those who go for them. And you’re no longer the person who sits idly by while the things you want pass you by.

ESFJ: Forgive yourself for the times when you had to close your heart.

There were times, ESFJ, when you gave too much and got burned. There were times when you closed yourself off to those around you because you needed to protect your own heart. And it’s time that you forgave yourself for having done so. You need to take care of yourself, first and foremost, before you are able to nurture others. And a big part of caring for yourself is knowing when someone else is toxic. So forgive yourself for the times when your heart was closed instead of open – you were acting from a place of self-preservation and it was nothing if not absolutely necessary.

ISFJ: Forgive yourself for the things you didn’t say until it was too late.

There were times, ISFJ, when you ought to have spoke up but instead you stayed silent. There were relationships that fell apart because you could not voice the way you truly felt. And it’s time you stopped beating yourself up over all of it. None of us get the timing perfectly right, and you have learned the value of speaking up while it still matters. You withheld what you withheld because you wanted to keep the peace. Your intent was not malicious and so it’s time you forgave yourself for the outcome – going forward, you know you’ll do things differently.

ENTP: Forgive yourself for the ways in which you’ve let yourself down.

There were times, ENTP, when you failed to live up to your own expectations. When you crossed a moral line, let a dream fall by the wayside or failed to follow through on something that mattered to you. And it’s time you forgave yourself for the outrageous expectations that you once held yourself up to. You are daring, creative, inventive, but you cannot work miracles. You cannot make the absolutely impossible happen and it’s okay to be bound by those physical limits now and then. You’re only human, ENTP, and it’s time you allowed yourself to understand that. It’s time to forgive yourself for the ways in which you’re perfectly ordinary.

INTP: Forgive yourself for the action you didn’t take.

There are times, INTP, when you are uncannily perceptive of how something is bound to play out. There are times when you have watched your loved ones walk down paths you knew would lead them straight to destruction. And it’s time you forgave yourself for all the times you did not speak up. You are not a fortune-teller, INTP, and you have to let people make their own mistakes. You are not responsible for preventing every possible disaster just because you’ve thought through the consequences. Others are responsible for their own choices. And some people have to learn the hard way.

ENTJ: Forgive yourself for the times when you were not enough.

There have been challenges, ENTJ, that even you have failed to rise to. There have been dreams you couldn’t fulfill, loved ones you couldn’t protect and opportunities that you have not cashed in on. Because you were not enough – not smart enough, quick enough or industrious enough, to make them work. And it’s time you forgave yourself for all of it. You are not always going to be the best, ENTJ, even when you are trying your hardest. And it’s okay to accept the innate humanity within that. It’s okay to sometimes let yourself place second.

INTJ: Forgive yourself for not having it all figured out.

You have always been searching for answers, INTJ, but there are times when you will not have them all. There will be times when life is a half-finished puzzle and you cannot collect all the pieces you need to complete the picture. And it’s okay to wait these times out. It’s okay to still be in the process of searching. You don’t have to have all of the information in your hands to move forward – you just have to learn to move forward with patience. With acceptance. And with forgiveness, for the times when you do not have it all figured out. TC mark

Pick up a signed copy of Heidi’s new book, “The Comprehensive INFP Survival Guide” here.

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