Thought Catalog


Read This If You’ve Ever Fallen In Love With A Narcissist

Posted: 28 Sep 2016 11:30 PM PDT

Pexels
Pexels

People who fall in love with a narcissist sometimes look to take care of others more than they look to take care of themselves. Anyone who has ever had a relationship with a narcissist knows how easy it is to become the person giving and giving and giving without end. We pay attention to what our narcissist partner needs because we love him or her, but often when we do this we become accomplices to increased levels of selfishness.

Narcissists seem to take advantage to the people who "feed" and nurture them regularly. Many people believe that if they continue on a path of endless giving, eventually their partner will come to their senses and respond in kind. But this approach doesn't work with narcissists. So says Steven Carter and Julia Sokol in their book Help! I'm In Love With A Narcissist. If you are in love with a narcissist, Carter and Sokol have the following recommendations:

1. Ask yourself: Why are you so quick to take care of the other person's needs?

Why are you so quick to assume all of the responsibility in the relationship? Do you remember when you started behaving this way? Your intense desire to please people and make them happy may be one of your nicest and most admirable traits, but toxic narcissists seem to have an uncanny ability to sense people who have this trait and to take advantage of them.

2. Examine your fears about what you think might happen if you stopped trying to make your partner happy.

What do you think will happen if you stop trying to please your partner? Why are you so quick to find excuses and reasons for a narcissistic partner's behavior? Do you ever give your partner a chance to do as much as you do to make the relationship work? If you stop working so hard at your relationship, are you afraid it will disappear? The problem with being in a relationship with a narcissist is that they have a tough time with empathy, they aren't inclined to be sympathetic to your needs, wants and fears and they don't bother to give back to you something equivalent to what you give. Pretty empty feeling, isn't it?

3. Examine how much time and energy you spend doing things that make your life happier and more satisfying.

Do you spend as much time worrying about your needs as you do about your partner's? Have you ever taken money that you needed for yourself to buy your partner a lavish and unnecessary gift? Do you regularly deprive yourself to "spoil" your partner? How often do you put your needs last? How often to you inconvenience yourself in order keep your partner from suffering any inconvenience? The most healing thing you can do for yourself (and often your relationship as well) is to put at least as much energy and time into thinking about your own well-being as you do about your partner's.

4. How about your friends and family? Are you surrounded by people who you are trying to please or placate?

When you meet somebody who doesn't demand as much as you and is capable of having a more equal relationship, do you feel lost and without a clearly defined role? Do you have friends and family who regularly take advantage of you or who demand most of the attention?

Everyone knows that relationships are about two people. If you believe that you can build a good relationship organized around one person (your partner) with the other (you) doing most of the work, the problem largely becomes your refusal to see the relationship for what it is and acknowledge the limits of your partner's love. You can also be more in touch with your own tendencies to allow someone to take over your life. TC mark

15 Questions That Will Tell You If You’re Addicted To Porn (So You Can Get Yourself Some Help Already)

Posted: 28 Sep 2016 10:30 PM PDT

Pexels
Pexels

Denial.

Denial is the single biggest factor holding men back from tackling pornography use in their lives.

I remember when I used to sway between accepting that I couldn't quit watching porn and feeling that I had it under control.

Let me make one thing clear:

For most guys, eliminating masturbation and pornography from your life will be the ONLY catalyst for your success in life. By success, I mean- whatever you have wanted in life that has been eluding you:

More sex.

A relationship.

A better work ethic.

More money.

Starting a business.

Performing better at school.

Building your ideal physique.

Many guys, after quitting porn will never need "motivation" in the form of books, blogposts, youtube videos, and so on.

The very process of overcoming porn use permanently will forge you into the man that you need to be.

Beating porn becomes the crucible in which your manhood is forged.

I'm going to make it very simple for you today:

If you're not sure whether pornography is a problem for you, if you're in denial, ask yourself these 15 questions:

  1. Do you ever spend more time than you had planned looking at porn?
  2. Do you spend more time looking at porn than you did when you first started looking at it?
  3. Has your job or school work suffered as a result of of your pornography use?
  4. Have any of your relationships with family and/or friends gotten worse since this habit started?
  5. Have you noticed any changes in your mood or self confidence since you began looking at pornography?
  6. Do you have difficulty concentrating on things you need to because you have thoughts and fantasies about pornography on your mind?
  7. Do you find it hard to stop looking at porn even when you really want to?
  8. Has anyone ever forced you to view pornography?
  9. Have you ever been sexually abused and find yourself turning to porn as a way to make sense of your trauma?
  10. Do you spend more time alone than you used to?
  11. Have you ever lied to cover up your porn use?
  12. Do you regularly turn to porn for information about sex?
  13. Have you ever stolen money or used someone else's credit card to purchase pornography?
  14. Do you have increased difficulty interacting with members of the opposite sex?
  15. Do you find yourself aroused by sexual images involving violence,animals or children?

If you answered YES to ANY of the 15 questions, then you have a problem with pornography which requires help.

If you are in your teens, your biggest problem with viewing porn is that your sexual health will be compromised. You risk suffering from serious porn induced erectile dysfunction.

If you are in your twenties, this is the decade that moulds you into a certain type of person. Your twenties are the most important decade of your life. Porn will affect every area of your life and eventually, by the time you hit your 30's homeostasis will kick in and it will be too late. Basically, your personality is permanently set by the time you are 30 – your destiny is more or less written in stone. Do not let porn influence that.

If you are in your thirties and beyond, you are going to need take your shit to the next level. Your brain is wired for good. You will most likely need serious coaching, therapy or a combination of both to give up porn.

Don't get me wrong—if you are absolutely sick and tired of pornography in your life and committed to get rid of it for good, The Quit Porn Program will get you there—but ONLY is you are committed to action.

So there you go guys – 15 questions to ask yourself today to figure out if you have a problem with porn.

No more denial. No more excuses. Beat your porn habit today. TC mark

37 Girls On Whether Or Not It’s Ever Okay To Talk To An Ex

Posted: 28 Sep 2016 09:30 PM PDT

Instagram / Vivien Liu
Instagram / Vivien Liu

1. Not if he’s a stupid asshole.

"Oddly, I stay in touch with his family but not him. They were basically like ‘he’s being a stupid asshole, we’re sorry’ and I don’t talk to him because…he’s a stupid asshole."

hey_thatsmyinbox


2. Waking the dead won’t bring the person back.

"Breakups hurt, no matter what. It is like grieving a death. But waking the dead won’t bring the person back."

Moon


3. The good times are over and it’s time to move the fuck on.

"I get it, you feel lonely sometimes, but the last person you should run to is the asshole that put you in that position. When you get your heart broken it is only normal to feel sad and remember the good times: the flowers, the sex, the laughs, and the love. Guess what? The good times are over and it's time to move the fuck on."

Cara


4. Hell no.

"Can I just say ‘hell no’ and leave it at that? My own experiences have not led me to want to be friends with my ex, which I think says something on its own. For those that can maintain the friendship after the split—kudos. Though it seems a whole new ball game when either party enters a new relationship…"

Eileen


5. I just plain have no interest in talking to a hateful drug addict.

"He threatened to abandon our cat and told me to go hang myself (I have mild suicidal episodes). He also made light of my past as a victim of abuse/sexual assault. Also I just plain have no interest in talking to a hateful drug addict."

synthetic-sanity


6. It prevents both people from moving on with their lives.

"There is absolutely no reason to talk to exes if you don’t have kids. If you work together or pass by on the street, fine. Otherwise, it prevents both people from moving on with their lives. No one is gaining anything, but both people are just wasting time when they could meet someone who’s a better fit."

LaserBeamsCattleProd


7. Why chase someone who cannot see your value?

"I cut all contact a month ago after being dumped around 4 months ago. I still don’t know if keeping away is the best thing to do but im sticking to it and taking baby steps. I don’t know what else to say except fight and keep fighting. Cry, sob, be miserable. It’s all part of the grieving process. I know this is corny but every dark cloud does have a silver lining. Just believe that something good is awaiting. And its true—why chase someone who cannot see your value?"

MessedUp


8. Do not call!

"Do not call! Men like to figure things out on their own, and sometimes it takes being apart from the woman for a while before the man realizes how much he misses her and loves her. If you call before he has thought things through, and before he has had time to really miss you, you could interrupt the process…which could lead to him breaking it off with you for good."

Jill


9. It will only cause you heartbreak.

"I say, don’t call the ex. It will only cause you heartbreak. Delete his phone number from your mobile phone so you are not tempted. Delete him from your Facebook friends too. Look to the future with a level head, and let the past be the past no matter how good it was, a decision was made to end the relationship, and it’s most likely the same would happen again if the relationship is given another chance."

Name Withheld


10. It’s easier to be separate.

"I don’t want to be friends with my exes. I choose to part ways with them, so they don’t need to be part of my life. I’m not one for sentiment, and there might be underlying temptation. It’s easier to be separate."

Jane


11. He sent an eight-paragraph message threatening suicide.

"We had a messy breakup. I friended him on Facebook because it had been over two decades since we’d been together. I figured it wouldn’t be weird to check in on him.

Not even 12 hours after I sent a DM to the effect of ‘hey! We should get together with our families and catch up sometime.’ He sent an eight-paragraph message threatening suicide.

He got my phone number a few weeks later and called begging for money. I acquainted him on FB and hoped he’d get the message. Then he wrote asking me to cover for him with his wife because she was suspicious of the affair he was having.

Annnnnddd that’s why I don’t talk to my ex at all now."

ligamentary


12. Someone always ends up getting hurt.

"No, I don’t think it’s a good idea. It affects future relationships no matter who the people are. To ignore that or deny that it has ANY affect at all is superficial. Someone always ends up getting hurt."

Chaucee


13. I can’t be friends with my exes because the way they broke up with me was too bad.

"I don’t think it can work unless the reason for the end of the relationship is that you two realized you are more friends than lovers. I can’t be friends with my exes because the way they broke up with me was too bad."

Chloe Moon


14. I think some time has to pass first.

"It can work, but I think some time has to pass first. You both need time to heal and move on before you try to establish a friendship outside of what was once your ‘relationship.’ The only long-term friendships I’ve been able to maintain with exes have worked because of this."

Alison


15. I never advise it.

"I think you could, but I never advise it. Things always get messy and it’s dangerous for future relationships. You just have to let it go and move on."

Alyssa


16. Three months need to pass before re-establishing contact.

"Usually not, but it depends on the reasons for the breakup. Definitely not if one person still wants to date (or marry!) the other. It also depends on how physical the relationship was. I’m friends with one of my exes, but we never even kissed. And then the time the relationship lasted, if not longer, must pass (if you date for three months, three months need to pass before re-establishing contact)."

Anamaria


17. It’s not fair to you or your next love to be still involved with an ex.

"In the beginning no, a friendship should be avoided with your ex. I do think that after several years after you both have moved on a simple ‘hello, how are you’ is fine, but only if you happen to run into that person unintentional. It’s not fair to you or your next love to be still involved with an ex."

Rebecca


18. I think it depends on the people involved.

"I think it depends on the people involved. I’m still friends with one of my exes, but it took a year or two to figure out what our new boundaries were going to be as friends. We definitely aren’t as close as we once were, but he is still definitely a part of my life. If my current boyfriend and I broke up, though, I don’t think we could still be friends. He’s not the type of person who could forgive and forget."

Eleanor


19. It leaves too much space open to wonder ‘what if we could make it work again?’

"I’m sure it’s possible but I’ve never been able to be friends with my ex-boyfriends. For me, it leaves too much space open to wonder ‘what if we could make it work again’ and I find that little window to be detrimental to moving on."

Maiah


20. I think it’s important and healthy to be friends with an ex.

"I think it’s important and healthy to be friends with an ex. I agree with some posts that immediately after a breakup a friendship isn’t likely, everyone needs time to heal. However, I’m always suspicious if a guy I’m dating is not on speaking terms or friendly with his ex, it says a lot about the previous relationship.

I find it hard to imagine not wanting to be friends with someone who you at one point thought was a very good person, good enough to date. As I said, immediately after probably not, but at some point when you’re both over things both parties should be able to say, Ok that happened for a reason, we both got something out of it, we both grew in different ways but that was right then but not right forever."

Logan


21. I don’t really think it’s a good idea to be friends with an ex, but I think being friendly is very important.

"I think there is a big difference between being friends and being friendly. Oftentimes friends of mine have tried to focus too much on the friendship part right after the breakup and it just ends up making the situation worse. I think a lot of space is essential especially in the beginning and then after that it is important to just be friendly. I don’t really think it’s a good idea to be friends with an ex, but I think being friendly is very important because then you know that you have moved on and you aren’t putting any effort into negative energy or a negative relationship!"

Jessi


22. If you can be friends after a break-up, it means you were never really in love, or you still are.

"As a general rule, I don’t think it’s possible to be friends. I think the old saying goes, ‘If you can be friends after a break-up, it means you were never really in love, or you still are.’ I am friends with one of my ex-boyfriends from years and years ago, but not with my most recent. You can still care for that person and be cordial, but a friendship is hard—especially if there are feelings on any side. I find it hard to find the new boundaries of friendship with someone who you were once so intimate with. I really believe its best for both parties despite what they feel for the other person to let go and move on."

Ashley


23. My ex-boyfriend and first real love whom I dated for over two years came to my wedding! And I’ll be at his wedding this summer.

"Totally! My ex-boyfriend and first real love whom I dated for over two years came to my wedding! And I’ll be at his wedding this summer. We broke up because the chemistry had fizzled so it was pretty easy to just stay friends, although it took about 6-12 months to not feel a little jealous of other people in his life…"

Shayna


24. It depends on you, the ex, the nature of the breakup, and how the whole shebang went down.

"It depends on you, the ex, the nature of the breakup, and how the whole shebang went down. There is one ex of mine in particular whom I do not maintain a friendship with whatsoever because our relationship was destructive and unfruitful. We’ve run into each other a couple of times and we’re cordial enough to briefly ‘catch up’ like Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn at the end of the The Breakup. But that’s the end of that, there’s no kind of contact, no phone number exchange nor email…nada!

On the other side of that coin is another ex who has loved me like no other till the end of time. We ended things with love. And because of his nature and the loving kindness of our relationship we managed to maintain a beautiful friendship immediately after we broke up, and even over long distance to this day. This is a very unusual situation for me. Actually it’s just plain weird, but he’s one of my closest friends.

Once you decide to breakup, break up. If both parties, and I mean both parties, can get past the romantic issues and any baggage of bitterness then a friendship is possible. But I wouldn’t force it, organic is always preferred ;)"

Deeyarah


25. I have yet to remain friends with an ex.

"I believe it depends on the ex and the situation you ended the relationship in. That being said I have yet to remain friends with an ex nor have I had an ex that I would want to remain friends with. I like to believe it is possible and maybe one day in the future we will be able to be friends. I do believe in being friendly, or at least polite especially when you have mutual friends."

Laura


26. If your relationship was complicated and messy than its better to just walk away and leave it at that.

"I think it depends. If you were better at being friends than being something more than sure it’s possible. But if your relationship was complicated and messy than its better to just walk away and leave it at that."

Brittany


27. Once we break up, we break up.

"This is kind of interesting. I’ve never had a crazy, intense breakup (or a super serious relationship), but I’ve also never stayed friends with an ex. Once we break up, we break up. Now, I will stick by my decisions with this and continue to say it was the best idea for both parties, but there is a part of me that feels like you can date someone, break up, and EVENTUALLY be friends. Or maybe ‘friendly’ is the better word?? It depends on an entire grab bag of things—maturity, the past relationship, so many factors. Relationships are complicated and they’re definitely all different. I think one thing is for certain. Time is necessary for all of us. It allows you time to reacquaint yourself with yourself, your friends, who that particular boyfriend/girlfriend is/was. THEN, you can decide whether becoming friends or mere acquaintances (or strangers) is right for the two of you. It definitely varies, but if you can BOTH manage to have a responsible relationship after, I say go ahead. Perhaps with a little caution and consideration of any new relationships. (I probably won’t be changing my stance with any of my old flames, though.)"

Lydia


28. If your relationship doesn’t mean a lot to you anymore, yes.

"If your relationship doesn’t mean a lot to you anymore and it’s been a long time since you broke up you could be friends. I mean let’s face it, if you’ve been hurt by him you couldn’t forget that in a million years you’ll always have that little dark side that wants revenge each time you talk especially if he wants you back. So I think as long as your previous relationship didn’t mean something at that time nor it does now you could be friends."

Yasmine


29. If you are both on the same page and don’t have residual feelings for each other it’s comforting to remain friends.

"I am friends with my ex from college. We were off and on for a couple years and it took about a year before we were able to really be friends however it’s been 8 years since we first dated and he is one of my best friends. I think it really depends on what kind of breakup it was. My other ex and I can’t even be in the same room with each other let alone be friends. If you are both on the same page and don’t have residual feelings for each other it’s comforting to remain friends."

Sarah


30. As long as you can accept that there can never be anything more.

"I think under some situations you can remain friends as long as you can accept that there can never be anything more. I have a ex that I care about and we a both married but I would rather have him and accept him as a friend than lose all contact with him. I always care about him but I have accepted we were not meant to be more and I’m not sad or depressed about it."

Juliette


31. It depends on the maturity level of your personalities.

"It depends on the maturity level of your personalities. I meant both of you. Breakups are ugly most of the times, and those who are not willing to leave the idea of loving that person again or refrain from the idea that they can't be loved. Exes can be great friends. But only if you have a clear idea that you two were beautiful together in the idea of past, but not present. Well, at times you may feel like connecting again. But always remember there is a reason why they are your 'ex'! Personally I do talk, we are content and have realized that we can't be together. We ask each other about career advice, sometimes personal choice or about health and life. The idea of love has vanished, but friendship is sailing."

Aniket


32. Once in a while, it is okay to send a text message or an email.

"If the ending of the relationship was ‘good’ (that is, no harsh words or insults were tossed out and both people have come to a mutual understanding of the reason things ended) then talking every once in a while following the first few weeks is okay. The first week, it may not be a good idea to talk to one another because with wounds still fresh, somebody may end up saying something they will later regret. However, after that initial period, it can be helpful to talk once in a while. Now, talking to an ex should not be the same as talking to a significant other. Don't talk to each other every day, and perhaps not even every week. Once in a while, it is okay to send a text message or an email or even to talk on the phone or in person. Not severing all ties immediately will help both parties to ease into the new situation of being apart. After all, it is difficult to never again see or speak to someone whom you once truly cared for."

Abby


33. Best to just cut contact.

"Don’t have a good reason to talk. We don’t live in the same state anymore, we dated years ago, we’re both in relationships now, and our relationship didn’t end on good terms. Why risk causing problems for each other by maintaining regular contact? Best to just cut contact."

yeahokayiguess


34. I just don’t really have any reason to talk to them.

"I just don’t really have any reason to talk to them. It can be good to catch up every couple of years. I wish them the best, and I hope they’re living a good life. But I don’t see why, beyond catching up every now and then, I’d be talking to them."

armadillaspanish


35. If he doesn’t come back, that tells you the most important thing about everything.

"To everyone suffering through a break-up……don’t call, text, or email him. Especially go see him. trust me, I’ve done it myself and at the end of the day u may think it made you feel better but actually, your convincing him to be with you…..stay strong. Let him come back on his own….if he does, he loves u. how can u know if he loves u if u keep bothering him?…if he doesn’t come back, that tells you the most important thing about everything….it wasn’t meant to be. No matter what happened. Love isn’t supposed to be this way…give yourself a chance to meet someone who will fight for you and your relationship and who will be crazy about being with a girl like you."

Cristal


36. You will still be emotional and will end up saying something that you regret and make the situation worse.

"This is a dilemma for many and it can be almost impossible to stop yourself from calling your ex after breakup. You should try and stop yourself from doing so I think as you will still be emotional and will end up saying something that you regret and make the situation worse. Also, your ex could say something that makes you even more upset."

love is hurt


37. Guys, if you broke up, it is over.

"Guys, if you broke up, it is over. Once you’re done you’re done. No matter who broke up you will be doing both a favor by being strong and just toughing it out. Believe me, I come from both sides of the fence. I broke up with guy I cared a lot about but realized that I was not really in love with him. I tried to stay in touch in order to ‘ease him into’ the break up, he guilted me into getting back together, and I spent another grueling six month before I broke up for good. About a year later we reconnected, but without the baggage, and are now good friends with completely separate lives. On the other hand, I was madly in love with a guy, and despite the break-up, I couldn’t keep from emailing (I never called, we communicated via e-mail), and eventually we did sort of got back together, but the dynamics of our relationship has gravely changed. In a word, once you allow yourself to be desperate (and if you call you always are, regardless of what the article say, or how you ‘make’ yourself sound) you surrender any semblance of emotional equality in the relationship, and you have no lost all your bargaining chips. From now on, he will always have the upper hand. Be wise, if it is over, let it go. It will hurt as hell in the beginning, but it WILL get better in time. Don’t be a fool, find someone to love you back and appreciate you. You deserve that."

Dina TC mark

21 Women Explain Exactly Why They Dumped Their Boyfriends

Posted: 28 Sep 2016 08:30 PM PDT

Instagram / Elena Montemurro
Instagram / Elena Montemurro

1. Three years of misery, two STDs, and one empty bank account.

"If your parents had named you DICKHEAD (to reflect your TRUE personality) instead of Tom, I would have heeded that red flag and SAVED myself from 3 years of misery, 2 STDs, AND an empty bank account."


2. I heard you shamelessly farting away on the toilet.

"The first time you spent the night I heard you shamelessly, farting away on the toilet!"


3. You couldn’t get it up, then started howling like a wounded dog.

"You couldn't get it up, then ran to your bottle of vodka & guzzled like it was water. You then passed out in a chair, after howling like a wounded dog for an hour. Oh Lord, was I glad to see you leave."


4. You made me sit on a coffee can when I had diarrhea.

"You made me sit on a coffee can for 2 hours, in the truck canopy, on the way home from the mountains, because I had diarrhea and you didn't want the seats ruined."


5. You always put your mother first.

"You always put your mother first. For her birthday dinner you baked lasagna and chocolate cake. For my birthday dinner you opened a can of franks and beans."


6. You took a 20-minute dump during our first date.

"After 20 minutes, I saw you emerge from a Port-A-Potty (for a construction crew) across from my house. Your lack of couth turned our first date into our last date. Take care of that ‘business’ at home."


7. You could afford to gamble away $500, but you said you couldn’t afford to buy cinnamon.

"You insisted we couldn't afford cinnamon, but you had no trouble unloading $500 at the casino the following weekend."


8. My friend busted you at Frederick’s of Hollywood.

"Remember shopping at Frederick’s of Hollywood? The lady ‘from Italy’ is really my coworker Barbara. Her Gucci bag is really a camera & she got great footage of you and the whore buying clearance panties."

9. You cheated on me with your neighbor.

"Because you cheated on me with your neighbor and then said: ‘Just being a good neighbor, honey."


10. You chose me over a pee-stained mattress.

"I forced you to choose between me or the pee stained mattress… I lost."


11. You stopped talking to me.

"Because after two years together you just stopped talking to me, saying I would eventually figure it out that it was over."


12. You don’t like to read.

"I asked if you liked to read. You replied, ‘What? Like books? No.’"


13. You would cum inside me when I told you to pull out.

"Whenever you were drunk you would finish inside me when I repeatedly told you to pull out."


14. You used a Playstation 3 controller on me as a vibrator.

"Because under no circumstances is it ever acceptable to use a Playstation 3 controller as a vibrator on me. Ever."


15. I caught you peeking at Trixie the Whore.

"I caught you peeking at our neighbor, Trixie the Whore, through the curtains in your brother's filthy trailer, with dad's binoculars in one hand, and a bottle of Thunderbird in the other."


16. Your other chick friends were your priorities.

"Because you thought all your other chick friends were your priorities. Makes sense since I dumped you and you hooked up with one the next day."


17. The sex was vanilla.

"Because you ignored my needs and made me feel insecure and worthless. And the sex was vanilla."


18. You bailed on our daughter three times.

"Because you bailed on our daughter not once, not twice, but three times. And I'll never be able to trust you, an emotionally stunted manchild."


19. You stole and broke my heart.

"Because you cheated and had twins with another woman. You stole & broke my heart."


20. You were too controlling.

"Because you told me that the only men I was allowed to have in my life were the ones I was related to. And you."


21. You lost ambition and courage.

"Because you made me your everything but neglected yourself and lost ambition and courage. You treated me well but I wasn't right for you." TC mark

49 Empowering Words Of Wisdom For Women, By Women

Posted: 28 Sep 2016 07:30 PM PDT

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TC mark

I Hate How Much I Want You

Posted: 28 Sep 2016 07:00 PM PDT

bailey foster
bailey foster

I hate how we have known each other for a while now, yet I barely know you.

We can talk from the crack of dawn to nightfall, but it is nothing of substance. Just nonsensical rambling. Mumbles of promises that have no place in the faraway future.

We are irresistibly drawn to each other yet the truth remains that we are just fleeing company to each other, and sooner or later, our time will run out.

For one day, you will get on with your life and me—I will be left behind.

I hate how much you matter to me, yet I cease to exist. When I’m with you, I get so taken with you that I forget how to breathe. You are like the puppet master, manipulating my every move and molding me to the vision you desire. When we are together, I am drowning to keep up with you, and feeling way out of my depth. In your all-large presence, I feel suffocated and I choked trying to make my feelings known to you.

I hate how I love you so much that I fall out of love with myself.

Everything you swore you will do but did not. Every piece of forgotten promise. All the shattered dreams. Every flickered-out hope. Every last shred of my unrequited love. Every relic of my broken heart. I blame it on myself. For if I am really good enough, Why won’t you love me back? How can you hurt me like this? When you ignore me, it leads me to question my self-worth. When you reject me, I grow to hate myself.

I hate how you leave this void in me that seem impossible to be filled. Even your absence continues to torture me with no sign of reprieve from how much I miss you. How much I continue to want you in my life. How willing I am to slice open my heart and throw open the door to welcome you back into my life the minute you look my way.

I hate how you stop me from walking out of your life. Whenever my senses return, whenever I resolve to cut things off, whenever I thought I've reached my breaking point, you always manage to change my mind. To try one more time.

You are my eternal muse. My sunshine on the darkest night. My safe harbor for the shipwreck. My sturdy shelter after the hurricane. My everlasting hope that will not die. My sweet salvation for my dark abyss. My greatest lesson in love.

I hate how I don't know where we are going from here. The future is uncertain, the circumstances are ever changing, and love is scary.

But I will not lose faith. I will not be afraid. For it is in darkness you know light. In adversity, you learn strength. In you, I find me. TC mark

19 People Confess The Deep Personal Secret They’ve Kept In The Vault For Years

Posted: 28 Sep 2016 06:30 PM PDT

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TC mark

What It Means To Fall In Love The Real Way

Posted: 28 Sep 2016 06:00 PM PDT

@BYONELOVE
@BYONELOVE

It means falling in love slowly and imperfectly and vulnerably. It means getting to know another person but also getting to know a whole new side of yourself because of them. It means wanting to look and seem absolutely perfect in front of them, but eventually realizing you grow closer to them with each new imperfection that they discover about you.

It means some of the moments will be romantic in the traditional sense of the word – candlelit dinners, butterflies every time your phone dings, being unable to think of anyone else but them. And it means some of the moments will be romantic in a way that you didn’t even know was romantic – tenderly wiping their sweaty forehead when they have the flu, them handing you a tissue to wipe the snot off your face as you ugly-cry, saving a crumply old post-it that they used to hastily write you a note and absolutely treasuring it.

It means looking at ordinary things in your life and suddenly seeing them as extraordinary, simply because they contain some trace of the person you’ve fallen for.

Real love means learning how to get through your first argument, learning that it sucks to apologize and it sucks to compromise, but you’re willing to do it for the good of a relationship that feels bigger than your self.

Falling in love the real way means realizing that a lot of stuff in your life still sucks anyway, no matter how in love you are. That love doesn’t solve your problems and love doesn’t make your demons go away. But that it does mean you have someone standing next to you the whole time, holding your hand and reminding you that you’re not alone as you fight all of the bad stuff.

It means looking at your person and imagining them with gray hair or whispy hair or no hair, and wrinkly skin and an unsteady walk and shaky fingers, and knowing that somehow, you’ll still love them. That in between this moment and that one, you’ll have gone through so much together that you can’t imagine them looking any other way. That their wrinkly skin and their tired eyes and their shaky bones just mean that you’ve spent a lifetime loving each other.

Falling in love the real way means being really, really scared. Scared because there’s always a chance that they won’t love you back, or that one day they’ll stop. Scared because there’s no way to one-hundred percent guarantee that it will last. Scared because, no matter how much you love each other and how certain you are of one another, a lifetime commitment of love is always a gamble.

Falling in love means inhaling those fears and letting them wash over you and jumping anyway. Because a life without them is so much scarier than anything else you could possibly ever face. TC mark

3 Steps To Healing From Betrayal (So You Can Get Back To Living Your Life Already)

Posted: 28 Sep 2016 05:30 PM PDT

Joe Gardner
Joe Gardner

It is devastating when someone whom we believe cares about us betrays us – lies, cheats, breaks a sacred promise, hurts us behind our back, steals from us, turns others against us and so on.

The Three Key Steps to Healing From Betrayal

1. Release the feelings rather than staying stuck with them

It is vitally important to find healthy ways of releasing the outrage, heartbreak and helplessness over the other person that occurs in betrayal. The first step in releasing these very painful feelings is to move into compassion for yourself. Too often, we may blame ourselves for not seeing the signs of betrayal and getting caught unawares, but we must remember that we are human and can’t always know what’s happening.

It is unhealthy for us to get stuck with the deep pain of heartbreak and helplessness, or stuck feeling like a victim. Stuck feelings can cause illness, and this is the last thing we need while dealing with betrayal.

The way to release stuck feelings is to be very kind and gentle with ourselves, acknowledging how very hard it is to go through a betrayal. You might want to roll up a towel and beat the outrage out on a bed, saying all you wish you could say to the person who betrayed you. This might release tears and when the tears come, allow them to flow, being very tender with yourself. It’s healthy to cry it out and unhealthy to be stoic.

2. Open up to learning about what the betrayal can teach you

Every challenge in life has lessons for us, and once we move some of the very painful feelings through, we can then learn. The two primary things we want to learn about are:

Is there some way I betrayed myself by giving myself up – abandoning my self in some way?

Is there some way I betrayed myself by not listening to my inner voice, my gut feelings? What did I ignore that I needed to attend to?
Try to answer these questions honestly, but without any judgment toward yourself. Often, but not always, if we had been alert to our gut feelings, we could have known ahead of time that bad things were happening.

Recognize that we all ignore things that are painful for us to see, even though it may eventually result in even more pain. Again, be very compassionate toward yourself for being human and avoiding knowing the truth about some situations.

On the other hand, there may not have been early signs. Sometimes others are very good at seeming to be caring and honest, and we can all get pulled into the illusion of caring and charm. Again, be very compassionate with yourself for not knowing.

3. Keep letting go and moving into acceptance

Each time the pain of the heartbreak and helplessness comes up, feel it fully with compassion and then be willing to release it. Don't allow yourself to get stuck in self-blame, rumination, what-ifs or anger toward the betrayer. None of these will help you to heal. We tend to blame ourselves, stay in anger at the other person or ruminate as ways of not feeling so powerless over the person who betrayed us, but allowing ourselves to get stuck in these feelings only serves to continue to hurt us. The deed is done and cannot be undone. No matter how much you blame the betrayer or yourself, it doesn't change the fact that it happened. Acceptance of the truth, and of your helplessness over what happened, will help you heal much faster than holding onto anger, blame or rumination.

Keep doing these steps over and over and the times of deep pain will get fewer and fewer. It does take time, but eventually you will have long periods when you don’t think about it. There may always be situations that trigger the pain, and when this happens, be very gentle, tender, caring and compassionate toward yourself, again allowing the feelings to move through you. TC mark

Before You Fall In Love With Someone Broken Remember This

Posted: 28 Sep 2016 05:00 PM PDT

Jeff Isy
Jeff Isy

It takes a special kind of person to love someone who is broken. It isn’t simply loving her, it’s teaching her everything up to that point she didn’t deserve. It’s rewiring everything she's come to believe and being the exception.

It comes within respecting her brokenness. She never wanted to meet someone who could put her back together.

She learned to love herself the way she wished other people had. She learned to own the parts of herself she used to reject. She learned to have confidence in what is broken, not letting what could be missing in her life, define her.

So you’ll run your fingers along her sharp edges and show her it doesn’t have to hurt. You’ll show her someone who will stay, even when things are hard. You’ll show her it doesn’t matter what happened or with who, what matters is the two of you there right now.

It’s teaching her she can trust someone other than herself. Because up until now she’s been the number one person she can rely on.

It takes strength to stand alone but even greater strength to continue to stand back up every time someone knocks her down.

Teach her that not everyone will hurt her. Teach her that not everyone will leave. Teach her that people do mean what they say and she’s not the only honest person in the world.

In return, she will doubt you.

She’ll question you and second-guess things. She will want more than anything to run the other way. Don’t let her.

The only reason she is running is because she wants to beat you to it. The only reason she’s running is because she wants to look back and she’ll see you’re still chasing her.

Very few can keep up at her pace. And the closer you get the faster she runs. But trust me when I say she’s worth the trouble.

Because once she trusts you, she'll love you harder than you ever thought someone could.

She’ll redefine what you thought love meant. You’ll meet her and you’ll never be the same.

So before you take on the challenge of loving someone broken, ask yourself, are you willing to endure everything that comes with it?

But most of all you should ask yourself do you even deserve such a person, and can you love her the way she deserves? TC mark