Thought Catalog

Thought Catalog

18 Things He’s Dying For You To Do While He’s Thrusting Into You

Posted: 02 Sep 2016 10:00 PM PDT

Drew Wilson
Drew Wilson

1. If his clothes aren’t off already, then grab his shirt and lift it over his head. Show him that you’re crazy about his body and are dying to see it completely uncovered.

2. Wrap your legs around his torso (or his neck). If you can, cross your ankles so that it feels like you’re holding onto him extra tightly.

3. Or you could try throwing your legs over his shoulders. You can either put your left leg on his left shoulder and your right leg on his right shoulder, or you could put both legs over the same shoulder. It’ll create slightly different types of sensations.

4. Reach behind him and grab his ass to pull him closer. It’ll make each thrust feel even deeper.

5. Touch yourself by rubbing your clit or playing with your tits. He’ll love watching you run your hands over your body, and the extra touches will make it easier for you to get off. Everybody wins!

6. Do Kegels while he’s inside of you. That way, he’ll feel your muscles clenching on his cock. It’ll make him cum quicker than ever.

7. Grab his hair to pull him closer and then give him a passionate kiss. Or grab his hair to pull him away from you so you can look him in the eyes.

8. Grab the muscles on his arms or his legs and squeeze. Show him that you appreciate how hard he works out and that you think his body is drop dead gorgeous.

9. Tilt your pelvis or put a pillow underneath your bootie to create a better angle of penetration.

10. Grab his hands and place them where you want them. On your waist? On your tits? On your throat? Put them there, so he knows exactly what you want him to do to you.

11. Talk dirty. Tell him to keep shoving his cock into you and to reach underneath you to play with your ass. And when you’re about to cum, tell him that, too.

12. Make eye contact with him. If you’re in love, then looking into each other’s eyes should be a major turn on for the both of you. It makes sex feel a little less animalistic and a little more intimate.

13. You don’t actually have to lift your hips in time with his thrusts. If you throw him off of his rhythm, sex could go stale fast. So let him do his thing. It’s actually best for you to keep your hips still.

14. Reach your hands around him, so you can leave scratch marks down his back. Or, if you can’t reach that sweet spot, reach for his thighs and dig your nails in there.

15. Moan. Don’t exaggerate the sounds. Just let them fly from your mouth naturally. It’ll sound way hotter than fake moans do.

16. Instead of grabbing him, you can grab onto your sheets or a pillow. Just make sure he sees how tightly you’re latching on (or biting down), so he knows how much you’re enjoying his body.

17. Give him a tender kiss on the lips, cheeks, or forehead. Throw a little romance into the act.

18. And kiss him everywhere else. His neck, his collarbone, his chest, his earlobes. They’re all there for the taking. TC mark

Why ‘Just Move On’ Is The Worst Advice For Someone Who Just Got Their Heart Broken

Posted: 02 Sep 2016 08:00 PM PDT

Joseph Strauch
Joseph Strauch

When I had my first heartbreak, people would tell me to ‘just move on’. They would say, “Lauren, it’s not like he was that amazing, it’s time to build a bridge and get over it.” They would say, “You should go on some dates, so you can move on.”

The truth is, if you truly loved someone, you can’t snap your fingers, click your shoes three times, and fall out of love.

You can’t just change your feelings. You can’t turn them off.

But, I listened to what they said. I went on a date. And you know? It made me miss my ex more. I hooked up with guys. And you know what? It made me miss and love my ex even more. You can’t force your body and your mind to touch another body, and feel the same way. You can’t kiss another boy and expect it to feel like it did with your ex.

So, I stopped trying to find a guy to replace him. I stopped kissing strangers who tasted like bad whiskey. I stopped getting too drunk to remember it all.

I stopped trying so hard to ‘move on’.

It took a really long time. It took months and months to get my confidence back. It took months and months to smile without having it be forced. It took months and months to be able to go out with my friends and not have to get plastered to forget what I was missing. And it took me years to realize that I will never replace him. I could never replace him.

And it took years to realize, that, that was ok.

I have finally learned that there is no getting rid of times when you will miss the people you truly loved. There is no getting rid of that nostalgia. All you can do, is focus on yourself. All you can do is survive.

And in time, moving on won’t even be a problem. You won’t need to fill that void anymore. You won’t need to fill up that hole. Because you will have yourself, your friends, your family, and your passion to fill up your heart.

So, stop trying to ‘move on’ and just start to live.

Start to fill your life up with good food, with new tastes, with sunshine, with friends that make your stomach hurt from bad jokes, with how the moon looks like at midnight, with wintertime cozy nights, and with genuine smiles.

Fill up your life with good thoughts and good intentions. Soon enough, you’ll come to find that you are doing ok on your own. You didn’t need to move on. You just needed to move past the hurt and onto the good parts. TC mark

You’ll Find Love As Soon As You Stop Searching For It

Posted: 02 Sep 2016 07:00 PM PDT

Natalie Allen
Natalie Allen

People often say that you’ll find love when you least expect it, because once you take your mind off of something, it usually happens.

In reality it’s healthy for you to say, "I’m letting destiny take control.” After all, what’s meant to be will always find its way. Let Fate do the work, let the Universe be the witness, and let Love consume you when it’s time.

One fine day, you'll realize you shouldn’t force love. 

Allowing the right person into your life through chance is much less exhausting than wondering if every person is the "one" for you. Let love find you when you’re ready. If you let love happen naturally, you will raise your chances of finding the right person. It’ll be a match made in heaven, rather than something manmade and artificial.

One fine day, you'll understand why all of your past relationships failed.

When you finally meet your other half, you will understand why all of your exes had to let you go. When you meet the one who deserves your love, you’ll understand why you and your exes are meant to be apart. All of your whys and what ifs about the past will vanish. You will be proud to say, "I’m glad it didn’t work out with anyone else, but you."

One fine day, you’ll stop looking for love and start loving yourself.

When you’re not looking for someone to love, that’s when the right person will appear. Focus on your own life growth. It will not only make you a better person, but it will also make you a better life partner. Pursue your dream career, complete your bucket list, make time to reach your goals, travel to new places, and give yourself space to grow. Hustle hard and keep yourself successful. Don’t stay stuck in one place. Do better.

Once you truly love and respect yourself, you’ll be free from doubts and endless worry. Then you can trust your feelings and decisions. This will allow you to be courageous and authentic. You will stop focusing on the negative and become open to the possibilities within and outside of yourself. Most importantly, you’ll start to attract happiness, confidence, peace, and positivity.

One fine day, you’ll believe that you deserve to be loved.

You deserve to live in reality, not in a fantasy. You deserve to be appreciated, to feel validated in your relationship. You deserve his word, his consistency, and his honesty. You deserve to be spoiled, not just in material things, but with the gift of memories. You deserve an affectionate type of love. You deserve someone who takes you into his open arms after a long day, and causes sparks every time your fingers intertwine. You deserve a love that is real, genuine, passionate, and proud.

One fine day, you’ll realize that true love actually does exist. 

Once you finally find the right man, love will be easy. It'll be natural. It'll flow freely without judgment or pretense. It'll inspire and nourish the both of you. Your lives will be richer together. You'll wonder why it didn’t happen sooner, but you'll thank God for letting it happen when you least expected it.

Remember, true love is not something you go out and look for. Love finds you, and when it does, ready or not, it'll be the best thing to ever happen to you. TC mark

Here’s What Your Ex Still Misses About You, Based On Your Attachment Style

Posted: 02 Sep 2016 06:00 PM PDT

Paolo Raeli
Paolo Raeli


Your devotion.

The most devastating part of your breakup has been the realization that it’s not so easy to just find someone who will be as stable as you were. In fact, they’re probably still ringing your doorbell (or, more realistically, hitting up your phone) because they’ve begun to realize that not only are there few people are as willingly devoted as you, but that it’s a terrible feeling to lose someone who was not only your support system, but committed in love. Sure, the idea of being young, wild and free to explore options may have seemed appealing, but your ex may be starting to realize that love is a verb. It’s action, and it not only takes time to build, it also takes a very special person to build it with.


Your ambition.

Your ex is beginning to realize that there are few people out there as personally ambitious as you are, not only in your own life, but also in terms of a relationship. For better or worse, you cannot deny that you are someone who is always striving for more in their lives, and that kind of confidence is intoxicating to be with. Now that they’ve moved on, they’re discovering that not everybody has big hopes and dreams, and even fewer have the guts to pursue them. It’s a scary idea that they could end up with someone who is only a fraction as driven as you were.


Your depth.

Since splitting, your ex has discovered that not everybody has the kind of mental and emotional capacity that you did. Not everybody can challenge them the way you did, and not everybody elicits the same kind of intrigue and respect as you did. Beyond your attraction to one another, you were someone they almost looked up to in a way, and your depth was truly something to be admired. Needless to say, after discovering how many people are shallow and underdeveloped as individuals, they’re starting to miss everything you had to offer.


Your strength.

Love may be an idyllic, beautiful thing in theory, but in reality, life still happens. Difficulties still arise. What your ex misses most about you is your inner strength: you’ve seen dark times, but you’re better for them. You’re a more whole and developed person because you’ve been through so much pain, and that kind of experience isn’t something you find every day. When things start getting tough, that’s when your ex misses you most. They’ve begun to realize that maybe what matters most is who you have to lean on when you really, really need it. TC mark

I Used To Fear Long Distance Until I Met You 

Posted: 02 Sep 2016 05:00 PM PDT

 Drew Wilson
Drew Wilson

I used to fear long distance, I used to think it's the best way to lose someone you love and I used to think it's hell on earth because you get to live every moment away from that person.

But I'd rather live away from you than live without you. I'd rather settle for facetime and skype instead of not talking to you at all.

Because I realized that distance was never the problem, it was always the person. The person who was afraid to do it because it means it will limit their possibilities, the person who didn't want to commit to calling or visiting often and the person who used distance as an excuse to get out of commitment altogether.

But there so many ways now to make long distance a little easier and so many ways to know and love a person even if they live in another continent. At the end of the day, you still hear their voice every day, you still see their face every night, you still get to be a part of their daily life and you can still lean on them when things get hard.

Distance shouldn’t take away someone unless we decide that we don't want them in our lives, because people live in us whether they're physically here or somewhere else.

And I'd rather stay home talking to you on the phone than spend the night in the arms of someone else.

Because nowadays, you can't even build a connection with someone in the same zip code, nowadays you can touch people and not feel them, nowadays you can make love to people and not love them.

And even though you're far away, I can still feel you closer than anyone here.

And this made me realize that distance is not something to be feared, it's something to be cherished, it's something to be appreciated and it's a bridge that could lead to a beautiful destination. It's a bridge that could lead to us.

And when it comes to us, I'm willing to cross any bridge or climb any mountain.

When it comes to us, I can promise you I'll make the distance seem shorter and I'll make the night feel warmer, that you will never have to sleep without a smile on your face. TC mark

17 Differences Between A ‘Lover’ And A ‘Life Partner’

Posted: 02 Sep 2016 04:00 PM PDT

Kyle Everett Smith
Kyle Everett Smith

1. You don’t try to figure out whether or not you’re soulmates – you’re too busy becoming soulmates.

2. You’re both ready. The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing, and what mostly determines whether a relationship will work is whether or not both people are ready for it to.

3. You don’t think about it as much as you live it – overthinking a relationship is what happens when you have to dig for proof that it’s not doomed.

4. You want the same things in the long-term. It doesn’t matter how convinced you are that you’re meant for one another, if one person wants kids and the other doesn’t, if one person wants to commit and the other doesn’t, if one wants to live somewhere the other doesn’t, etc., all the conviction in the world won’t save it.

5. You don’t find yourself trying to piece together “evidence” that they love you. You don’t have so much subconscious doubt that you feel you need to prove it to yourself, or anybody else.

6. You can voice your concerns about the relationship. The first and best way to determine whether or not a red flag is a deal-breaker is to see whether or not you can talk to the person about it.

7. Your fears are irrational. (For example: you’re not afraid that it will fall apart because they say they don’t want to commit, you’re afraid you’ll lose them – even though they say they love you – because losing people you love is scary.) This sounds totally backwards, but if your fears are more irrational, it’s better: they’re not based in reality.

8. If you stripped away the sexual part of your relationship, you’d still be best friends.

9. They redefine what you thought your “type” was more than they fit into what you thought you always wanted.

10. You’re more loved in the ordinary, everyday moments than you are when you’re going out or trying to impress them.

11. You’re not necessarily completely certain, but you are absolutely willing to see whether or not you can become certain over time.

12. Even if it moves quickly, you don’t feel rushed into anything. There’s a difference between committing because you feel strongly about one another and committing because you’re so unsure you want something stable.

13. You’re happy on your own. You could continue to be happy on your own, even if you lost this person and your heart was broken. This is to say: you are not clinging to this person because you’re just terrified of being alone.

14. You actually want to spend time with them. A lot of time. This means you like the relationship more than you like the idea of the relationship.

15. You’re comfortable around them, you want to be yourself, and let them into your life as it is, not an inflated version you assume they’d prefer. What you want is connection and intimacy, not an ego boost.

16. You feel more at peace than you do anything else. At the core of your relationship is a very calm knowing, not a hectic need to “figure it out.”

17. You’re not looking for reasons to write it off – you’re looking for ways to make those things work. Your focus isn’t on why it shouldn’t be, it’s on how it can become. TC mark

You Don’t Have To Win The Breakup

Posted: 02 Sep 2016 03:00 PM PDT

First of all, let me explain.

If you don’t agree, the end must’ve been pretty bad. You told him “I love you!” and he said the same thing to you and to three others. He must’ve had a hot temper; whenever he ran out of patience, you became the punching bag. He might’ve said he’ll try his best to change –to be that guy for you.

He said you’ll work it out but you never did and the blame fell on you.

No one enjoys failed relationships. Apart from the emotional roller coaster ride, there’s also the question of who’s the winner and who’s the loser.

The pain of breaking up is too much already so being the loser is NOT an option. If you can still salvage your pride from the remains of your mad love, you’d do anything. You don’t want to leave knowing he has the upper hand, especially if you know you’re the victim. Life should vindicate your ordeal by allowing him to lose.

In your opinion, what he did was unforgivable. He hurt you, made you feel like utter crap. He took you for granted. He lied to your face. He played with your heart, turned you into a fool. Despite the genuine love you gave, he took advantage of you. And now, here you are.

I understand the anger, the want to win. If you’re going to be honest, sudden death isn’t enough. He deserves a slow and painful torture till the end of his days. Like a criminal, he should pay. And because you’ve been wronged, you do all it takes to achieve justice.

For hours, you rack your brain for ways to get back at him.You talk behind his back, spread the bad news. You end up stalking on social media, seeing if any girl was too stupid enough to fall for his bait. If you can’t have him, no one can. He doesn’t deserve that happiness. You end up making eye contact with a guy, envisioning your ex’s jealousy when he sees you in the arms of another–of how he wasted a good catch.

Frustration sinks in when things don’t go according to plan. He can’t win, you can’t lose.

Let me stop you right there. Ask yourself: is it really worth it?

Do you gain anything when you spend countless nights scheming? Does it help when you constantly fish for news about him? Will it do you any good if you seek ways to avenge yourself?

All ties were cut the moment you parted ways. Why do you still care about the guy who never cared in the first place?

When you keep seeking payback, you’re making it difficult, not for him, but for yourself. You lead your heart towards more pain, inviting higher doses of unnecessary stress. It also drives you crazy, doesn’t it? When you learn new things about him, does it help you move on or pull you three steps back?

Don’t waste your time on someone who wasted yours. Yes, you want him to suffer but some battles aren’t worth fighting anymore.

Investing more time on a guy who took you for granted is one of them. People have this tendency to run after the pain; don’t be one of them. Run away from ANYTHING that binds you to the memory of him.

Everyone deserves to win — not the breakup — but at life, especially you.

You’ve been hurt too much; now is the time to patch the broken pieces. You don’t need to ruin his life to fix yours. If you do, you’ll make things worse. Whatever he does is none of your business anymore. Instead, help yourself and get better.

I’m not saying tolerate what he did. Just trust the process. People will always reap what they sow; he’ll get what he deserves but you don’t have to deliver it. He’ll realize it sooner than later. In the meantime, stop throwing yourself at him and start living towards the future.

In my case, I leave it all up to the Almighty Being upstairs. I know He’s got me.

Life’s too short to feed on bitterness, hate, or guilt. Don’t dwell on these negative aspects. Instead, love yourself by breaking free. As long as you meddle with his life, he’ll always keep you captive. You’ll miss out on things that matter. Do yourself a favor and just let go.

You don’t have to win the breakup; win at life. Don’t be vengeful–be joyful. Believe me, you deserve it. TC mark

50 Things A Girl With Anxiety Needs From Her Partner

Posted: 02 Sep 2016 02:00 PM PDT

Tony Ciampa
Tony Ciampa

As a woman with anxiety, I can tell you right now, I know that I am not the easiest person to love. Some days are harder than others. Some days I feel as if I am spinning out of control and can't get anything right. I know that I may not be full of sunshine and daisies but I have people that love me very much, even when I can't see it myself. Some people understand it because they've been there; some people think it's a figment of your imagination. Whether it's what you would consider "real" or not, it would mean the world to your anxious loved one if you could take a step back and listen to our needs and apply a few simple actions that would make our world a much easier place to handle. Let's talk about some simple ways to ease your loved one's anxiety, shall we?

1. Please for the love of God do not force us to make plans at the very last minute.

Rest assured, we already have our entire day or week planned out before you come up to us with some last minute dinner plans or an outing to a bar with the girlfriends after so-and-so's latest break-up. It takes a lot for us to get motivated to get out into the world and ready to face other human beings. Please don't make us have to do that before we're mentally prepared. More importantly, don't be offended when we say no.

2. Don't say things like, "Look at me in the eyes."

This is definitely impossible for us most of the time. Let's not make things awkward by me having to openly deny your request for eye contact.

3. Don't take if offensively if we don't want to hold your hand.

Our personal bubble is a sacred place. When someone touches us, it can be a suffocating feeling, even if you're trying to be loving or comforting. It's nothing against you; we will return the love when we are ready.

4. Understand that small talk is excruciating.

I mean, really. Let's not settle for those obligatory comments about the weather, what we've been up to lately or the scores of the latest football game. Get to the point or be quiet. I truly appreciate the silence much more than the unnecessary chatter.

5. We desperately need some time to recharge after being social.

It is emotionally draining to be around a group of people. Once we're finally out of that situation, it feels like we have run a mental marathon. We need some down time with silence, solitude and a few days to recoup before we're ready to face the world again.

6. It's much easier if you will just make plans for us.

Truly, the least amount of options that I feel I am being forced to choose from, the better.

7. "Meeting the parents" never sounds like a fun idea. Let's try to avoid this for as long as possible.

We already hardcore judge ourselves, what we say, how we look, and how we act. We will obsess over whether or not your folks approved of us. Let us become more comfortable, and let us prepare. This is a serious thing, and we want to get it right!

8. Don't volunteer for us to host family members or friends in our home without my consent.

This is definitely something that needs to be discussed beforehand. Our home is our safe place. Don't invite people into our safe place if we aren't feeling so groovy that day. It makes it so much harder to entertain when we aren't at our best.

9. Help us stay on top of upcoming plans/events and their dates so that we don't stress out as much about having to remember it by ourselves.

We'll obsess over it anyway but it would just be nice if we feel like we aren't the only ones worrying about that sort of thing.

10. Fill up the gas tank before you come home so we don't have to go to the gas station.

People don't realize how extremely anxious gas stations can make people. The entire experience is filled with possible interactions with other people, remembering pump numbers and what you came inside to get, and trying to hurry so the person waiting for your pump doesn't get aggravated and honk the horn. It's really a lot to take in, and none of it is fun.

11. Don't make fun of us if we don't feel like speaking through a drive-thru window.

Speaking to others isn't easy, even if you can't see their faces. This is a real thing.

12. Offer to go inside a store if it isn't necessary that we go in ourselves.

The best way to deal with a potentially awkward situation is to not deal with it at all.

13. Don't send us texts like, "I have a question," or, "we need to talk about something later."

This will drive us literally crazy, and we will beat ourselves up trying to figure it out. Don't do this to ANYONE, for that matter. Ever. It's just wrong.

14. If there is any bill that can't be paid online, then pay it on the phone yourself.

If it's online, then don't worry- we got you! Please don't make us speak to anyone on the phone, though. The horror.

15. Don't leave us home alone when the cable guy or some service person is scheduled to come fix something at our house.

It's already overwhelming knowing that a stranger is scheduled to come to your house. It's even more overwhelming knowing that you'll have to let them in and speak to them.

16. Answer the door if someone is unexpectedly knocking, and we aren't aware of who it could possibly be.

I know it sounds silly, but this is a life saver. When you have to mentally prepare before you socialize with others, unexpected visitors are not your friends.

17. Ask if we would prefer for you to drive when we're going anywhere.

Driving can be a lot to handle, as well. (See more about this topic on Reason #27) If we aren't feeling up to the challenge, then it would be just lovely if you would volunteer to drive instead.

18. Don't call us if whatever you need to say can easily be sent via text message.

"Sorry I didn't answer my phone when you called. That's not what I use it for."

19. If you know that we're out of something, then pick it up at the store on your way home instead of asking us to take a special trip to get it.

A lot can happen to us during the day so you never know how we're feeling until you get there. We could've had a hard day, and facing people doesn't sound so appealing to us. It could end up being the straw that broke the camel's back.

20. Don't make unnecessary noises, ever.

The more noises that we hear, the more scattered our brains become. Please don't add fuel to the fire.

21. Don't touch us for no reason. I mean, no reason.

Once again — personal bubble, my friend. Do not burst my bubble.

22. If we are standing at a store waiting to check out, then take the initiative to speak to the cashier and pay for our items for us, even if we have to hand you the money.

Again, small talk. Awkwardness. Anxiety.

23. Don't put the spotlight on us when we're talking with a group of people by asking us a random question.

We're really trying very hard to be present but blend in with the scenery. Being the center of a conversation is not on the list of things we're trying to accomplish here.

24. Always remember the look we give you when we're in public and are ready to leave.

Just pay attention. You know what look I'm talking about.

25. Take into consideration how long we stay at any given place.

The sooner we can leave, the sooner we can get back to our safe place.

26. Remember that we really don't like surprises, and definitely don't talk about a surprise before you intend to reveal it to us.

This is just as, if not more, excruciating than the dreaded "We have to talk" text messages. If you're going to surprise us with a gift, then just do it. If you're wanting to surprise us with a trip, then run it by us first before you make plans. We will still be thankful for the gesture.

27. Be extremely attentive when you're driving us somewhere.

Please, please, please pay attention to the road and watch where you are going. We aren't in control, and that's a problem for us. Even if you're a good driver, we're still scared as hell about all the possibilities of what could go wrong on this journey. Be aware! That includes no texting and driving!

28. Don't ask us to entertain someone that you're speaking with so that you can go do something else.

This only leads to small talk, and it only drains our soul. Just say no.

29. Don't get aggravated when we ask the same questions over and over again just so we can be sure.

We can never be too sure, and sometimes our insecurities and fears will never silence in our heads. Humor us, if you will, but it makes us feel better.

30. When we think that something is wrong and we want you to go check it out, please be polite and comply, even if you think it's silly or unreasonable.

Even if that means checking to make sure the door is locked after we've already been in bed for over an hour.

31. When we tell you that we're afraid of something, believe us.

Please don't force us to do something that completely terrifies us, even if it seems like a ridiculous fear to you. It is very real and traumatic for us.

32. When we're having a panic attack, please don't speak to us or touch us.

We know that you're just trying to help but believe us, we know how we're supposed to ride this out. Nothing that you say or do is helping. Give us space. Give us silence. Then, give us comfort when we're exhausted from how draining an anxiety attack really is, and don't ask questions about it or draw attention to us until we're ready to talk.

33. Don't try to be love-y if we're not feeling it.

I promise you, we're not trying to be cold or unloving towards you. Sometimes we just need our personal bubble to not be popped. Just because we don't want to cuddle, that doesn't mean that we don't love you very much.

34. Never be afraid of interjecting in a conversation when we are clearly struggling as we're trying to get our point across to someone.

Like, really, you can see our eyes screaming, "SAVE ME."

35. Always suggest staying in, ordering take-out and binge-watching on Netflix as an option instead of going out on the town in case we aren't feeling the night life.

We aren't hard to please kind of people. The less chaos, the better. We really truly enjoy these times with you much more than in a social setting.

36. When we tell you what we want to order before the waiter comes, then tell them what our order is for us.

We go ahead and tell you what we want so that you'll do this, and no one ever does! It would be so nice. Why should we have to speak to someone when you could just as easily do it for us? Please!

37. Take the time to acknowledge when we try really hard to be as calm, cool and collected as possible when we have to force ourselves to be a situation in which we'd rather not engage.

It takes a lot out of us to do this. Even if it's a simple, "thanks for trying today," that is more than enough for us.

38. Answer our phones for us when an unknown number calls or a number that we don't recognize.

The unknown makes us nervous. I mean, really nervous. Answering a call from an unknown number is like playing Russian Roulette for us.

39. If we make a mistake, then don't point it out to us harshly.

We can take constructive criticism but make sure it is worded correctly. One comment taken the wrong way can set off a tidal wave of questions and doubts about ourselves followed by the immense feeling of failure. "Fragile: Handle with Care."

40. Encourage us when we're feeling down.

Unfortunately, anxiety and depression pretty much go hand in hand. With fears and obsessions of failure comes the depressing thoughts that become obsessive, too. Make sure we know how you truly feel about it. Point out the positives when we are too far in the dark to see them.

41. When we are ready to talk about everything that's bothering us, please listen.

It takes a lot for us to finally open up and share our fears and insecurities that we know will sound trivial to anyone else, so when we are ready to express those things to you, don't take that lightly. All we really want is for someone to listen and to understand.

42. Don't let us go to bed confused or worried, if you can help it.

Your reassurance means more than you will ever know. If you are able to ease our minds, even in the slightest, then please try.

43. When we're feeling overwhelmed with things at home, offer to take over some of the chores.

Even if it's just doing the laundry, that's one less thing that's on our minds. We will be forever thankful for you to lighten our load. (no pun intended)

44. Encourage us to do whatever our hobbies we have that help to calm us.

Everyone has their own outlet that helps calms them and puts their thoughts to rest. Whether it's sketching, painting, writing, crocheting, listening to music, going for a jog, doing yoga, whatever it may be- encourage us to get back to things that make us happy and can settle our busy minds.

45. Make us feel safe in your presence.

We know that not everyone thinks the way that we do. We know that some things we think, say or do are irrational to some. All we want is a safe haven to be found in you, where we are loved and accepted. Always make us feel welcome to express our feelings and needs to you.

46. Stick with us through these trying times, even when we feel like we don't deserve you.

We are hard to live with. We know this. BUT WE ARE WORTH IT. Beneath the anxiety, we are passionate, caring people with every desire to love. If you can ride this out with us and find who we truly are away from the chaos, then you will be pleased that you did.

47. Inspire us to chase our dreams.

Our anxieties make us believe that if we ever try to achieve a goal that we have for ourselves, then there a million reasons why we will fail. We need you to push us to give it a shot, anyway. We need you to support us on our journey, and even if we do fail the first time, encourage us to try again because our happiness and fulfillment are worth it.

48. Talk to us about the favorite part of your day with us.

Since negativity fills our minds more times than not, we forget to focus on the good things that have happened. Remind us of what we did that made you happy to be there in that moment with us. Bring it to the light so we can see and cherish it with you.

49. Be our backbone when we have to face someone that is treating us poorly.

We can be quite the pushover because we tend to avoid confrontation. When you witness us being mistreated by a stranger or a friend alike, stand up for us. Remind us to stand up for ourselves because we don't deserve to be put down. Influence us to seek better for ourselves.

50. Most importantly, love us, even when we don't love ourselves.

That’s all we want. TC mark

How My Chronic Illness Has Made Me Lose My Identity

Posted: 02 Sep 2016 01:30 PM PDT

Brooke Cagle
Brooke Cagle

"You're handling it so well." "You look great." "I'm sure everything will be fine."

These are often the trite responses I hear after delivering a story containing words and phrases such as "bone marrow biopsy, "enlarged spleen", and "blood cancer". Before telling my story, I would have already selected which words to use, at what points to pause, where to lock my gaze, and how to transition to the next conversation. It's part-art, part-science, and a whole lot of experience. I know how to have these conversations, and I can usually predict how people will respond.

See, I used to think that people didn't want to hear about my chronic illness because we were sixteen, and high school sophomores worry about SAT scores, not medical tests and hospitals visits. Then, I assumed people didn't want to hear about my chronic illness because we were in college—the best four years of our lives! Who could be bothered with questions of mortality? Now as young adults, we're faced with the struggles of paying rent and still boozing it up on Sunday's brunches. Most twenty-five years olds don't worry about affording monthly doctor's visits.

Over the years I've tried different ways of bringing up and talking about my chronic illness, but I'm realizing that chronic illness is never something people want to talk about, no matter at what age or phase in life. I've learned that if I talk honestly about it and reveal my anxieties, most people's immediate reaction is to tell me everything will be okay. It makes sense. They want to make me feel better by complimenting my appearance. They dare to assume that the confident blonde exterior isn't just a facade I've created over the years, and that I just have to continue to be my strong self. Nobody ever has a satisfying response, and how could they? What could anyone say to truly make me feel better?

So, I've learned to not be honest.

I've become calculated in not just how I talk about my chronic blood disease, but in how I interact with everyone all the time. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable by forcing them to think about my morbid situation. I don't want to sound unnecessarily dramatic in wondering if I'll live past thirty-five. I don't want friends to feel sorry for me, or colleagues to think that I can't handle the same workload as them.

So what do I do? I put on a show. Everyone buys it, and occasionally I even fool myself. But I never really forget who I am.

As I grow up and try to make my mark in this world, I don't want my disease to define me. But how can it not when it exists in the most fundamental part of who I am? My bone marrow does not function like it should, and as a result, I have a whole host of health complications—none of which affect the way I look. Obviously I look great, people tell me all the time (they buy the show).

But hearing this only reminds me that no one wants to see the real me—the vulnerable me, paralyzed by anxiety and fear. The me that could fall apart and burst into tears at any moment.

Like most people who live with a chronic illness, I have to compartmentalize my health problems and go about my life as normally as I can. I only engage with that compartment when the time is right and when the person I'm with can handle it. Those times and people are few and far between, and even then, I keep the discourse high-level and casual compared to what I'm really feeling inside.

I have learned how to talk (and not talk) about my chronic illness. But it's been ten years and I haven't learned how to actually live with a chronic illness. I don't know how to be the real me in my life anymore. I'm not sure it's something I will ever figure out, and until then, I'll keep up with the show. I'll stay strong, I'll look great, and I'll tell myself that everything will be fine. TC mark

To The Love Of My Life, You Are Worth The Wait

Posted: 02 Sep 2016 01:00 PM PDT

João Silas
João Silas

I can’t wait to be with you.

I’m not into the idea of falling in love, I’m into the idea of feeling the warmth, security, affection, and intense desire of being happy with you. Every time I hear the piano playing, I can’t help but imagine you and I waltzing, staring at each other’s eyes and passionately feeling the moment. No need for words, just you and me, staring at each other.

We know then that it’s forever, that through God’s perfect timing, we are made to be together.

Are you on the other side of the world sorting your way to me? Are you doing better at work for us? Are you excited to meet me or to be with me, too?

I hope you are because me, I can’t wait for the time when we’d be together. I know I’ll love you each and every single day that I’ll live. I know I’ll shower you with all the care I can give. I know I’d be there for you through it all. 

Nothing compares to the feeling I’m feeling now.

The things I want to do with you. The travels and adventure we’d conquer together. The silly things only we would understand. I can’t wait to be with you, my other half.

 The wait may still be long but I know and I can feel that it’s going to be soon after we’d establish the things we need for our self fulfillment.

We’re on our way, my dear. Rest assured that heaven is making its way for us to meet and in the process, we are made better and fit for each other. 

I can’t wait to hug you after a depressing day. Can’t wait to wake you up with kisses and cook you meals I’d experiment. Can’t wait to snuggle in your arms because I just want to feel you next to me. Can’t wait for all the sweet and surprising things you’d do to me.

I may or may not have met you yet but I’d like you to know that as early as now, I thank God for making this long wait worth it. 

I love you.
 TC mark