Thought Catalog


28 Slutty Sex Confessions From Filthy Strangers That Will Totally Turn You On

Posted: 08 Sep 2016 10:00 PM PDT

istockphoto.com / EYEemCLOSED
istockphoto.com / EYEemCLOSED

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You Were Safe, But I Still Had To Leave

Posted: 08 Sep 2016 08:00 PM PDT

Olga Ferrer Saladié
Olga Ferrer Saladié

Leaving was right. Mostly for me, but also for you. I tell myself this every day. I’m learning that right will not always feel clean. It will be messy. It will hurt and the hurt will make it confusing but not any less right.

So when I cry, it's because I can still feel the way it was easy to lean into you. I can still recall the simplicity of how just the smell of you could calm me. I miss these small things so I do not have to feel what it is like to miss all of you. Now, "right" feels like turning my back on a home I never knew I had, or even missed until you wrapped your arms around me one last time. I do not like right. But I know that I held my lips pressed against yours instead of saying all of these things. Because I knew it was wrong to burrow my way deeper before saying goodbye.

Things I never said, when I should’ve:

I’d listen to country for you. Not to learn to love its sound (that could never happen really), but to learn to love the way your voice absently chimes in every other verse.

If you asked, if you needed, I would give up ice cream for you. You could measure my sweet tooth by the dozen or so cavities I have. And I know, you would never ask, but I would let all those Ben & Jerry pints melt away without hesitation. If only to give you something when you gladly give me everything.

You gave me a pet name. I despise pet names. We've even talked about this. But then hearing the word “my” preceding it, was as satisfying as running my fingers over the marks I had left as I tasted your skin. Unspoken claims

I’ve never told one person the collection of things I’ve told you. I gave you my worst and ugliest and you painted it beautiful, showed me that scars tell stories long after their wound was opened. And that I can write them into the most gorgeous chapters.

You're the safest I’ve felt in years. And that scared me more than I understood. It shook my plan to wander, so I pushed off from the shore of your bay. Called myself an explorer, tears and ocean spray becoming one in the same.

There are two ways a heart can break. From pain, and from kindness. I broke yours with one. After you threatened to make rubble of mine with the other.

I think I glimpsed the kindest kind of love in your eyes. I’m sorry, for not being ready. For not saying these while I had the chance. But,

Thank you
for pausing
for smiling
for cheesing
for listening
for opening
for fighting
for believing
Thank you a thousand times. TC mark

Why Modern Dating Is Causing Our Generation To Lose The Ability To Love Deeply

Posted: 08 Sep 2016 07:00 PM PDT

Brooke Cagle
Brooke Cagle

Let’s face it, our generation definetely does not take the cake for the most romantic and loving one. While we are (usually) smart and are go-getters who take charge of our own lives, we don’t know how to date. And more importantly than that, we don’t know how to love. 

No wonder we all obsess over old romance black and white movies, that show the kind man wooing his sweet lover. No wonder we look back on the dialogue on old 1950’s films, in search of screenwriters who actually got what love was all about.

No wonder ‘The Notebook’ was set in the 1940’s and not in the 2000’s.

Today, we care a lot more about our social status. Our Instagram accounts. And about what we look like to everyone else.

Today, we care about banging the hot guy from the bar. We care about arm candy. We care about the notches on our belts. We care about instant gratification. We don’t think about tomorrow. We don’t think about what we actually want in the long term.

I know not all of us are like this of course. I know we are mostly decent and kind people (hopefully). I know we all want love. I know we all deserve it.

But modern dating is quite frankly fu*#ing it up for us.

Instead of swiping right and left on our dating apps, why not look up from your phone? Why not look at what is around you? Why not look at who is around you? Our phones make it easy to ignore our surroundings. They make it so easy to avoid human interaction.

But that’s the whole problem.

We don’t know how to strike up conversations anymore. Instead, we exchange kisses and texts. We don’t know how to ask people out anymore. Instead, we just hook up with them and hope they have feelings for us too. We don’t know how to love anymore.

Instead, we keep searching for the next best thing. We are wolves on the prowl. And we don’t know how to stop. We don’t even know what we are looking for.

Get off your phones. Chat with the guy next to you on the plane. Tell the guy at the bar you like his smile. Ask out the guy you have always wanted to but have been to0 scared to do it before. Take that girl from your English out on a proper date. Actually look at people. Ask them what they like. Ask them what they don’t. Ask them about their values. Ask them about their family.

And when you fall in love, don’t let it get away from you. Don’t let the best thing that has ever happened to you, go.

If you find a boy who treats you right, don’t break up with him to explore your options. If you find a girl who loves you for you, don’t break up with her because you are young and free. When you find love, don’t let it slip through your fingers. And don’t look at love through a screen. Look at it, in it’s true form. Look at it, dead on. And don’t ever let it fadeTC mark

Instagram’s Favorite Couple May Have Broken Up, And People Are Freaking Out

Posted: 08 Sep 2016 06:45 PM PDT

Jay Alvarrez
Jay Alvarrez

Jay Alvarrez and Alexis Ren caused an internet shitstorm when they started dating a few years ago. Between the constant travel snaps, the sappy love posts, and the hard to miss fact that they are both incredibly good looking, Jay and Alexis quickly amassed a following of over 10 million combined, and have always been revered for how “relationship goals” they are.

Instagram Photo

However, a few months ago users started to notice some changes in the dynamic of their Instagram pages. Fans started to notice that both accounts were deleting photos of their chronicled relationship, and that all of the love struck, heart eyed captions that accompanied the snaps that made the cut were edited out. Alexis and Jay unfollowed each other on Twitter, and then they unfollowed each other on Instagram.

A quick look at both of their Twitter accounts suggests that something went wrong between the two. Instead of tweeting photos of each other in some far off destination, or curled up together in bed, the two influencers started to tweet some pretty cryptic things:

Jay took an approach that many are calling shameful, tweeting statements that don’t relate to the girl he once said was the woman of his dreams.

Though no official statement has been made, fans are starting to catch the drift, and are quite frankly — freaking the fuck out. A quick glance at the comments on Jay and Alexis’ recent Instagram photos shows fans demanding insight into their status, and making it very clear that it is their responsibility to inform a following that is dedicated to their lives together that they are in fact, not a duo anymore.

People are pretty upset — their ideal love story, their concept of the perfect relationship, has crumbled, leaving a lot of people wondering if things can ever last in todays generation.

In an interview with Cosmopolitan in late June, the couple admitted that they fought all the time.

Jay: Heck yeah, we fight all the time. We fight hardcore, but there’s also love hardcore. If you don’t fight, you’re not being true to yourself.

Alexis: With how much we’ve been through, I would say our relationship is much more mature than it would be for other people dating this long.

Jay: We’ve been together for almost two years now, but it feels like it’s been like five. You pick up on everything.

The interview seemed positive. Fans saw it as an influential couple talking about the fact that they are normal, that they fight and argue and deal with all of the downfalls of regular relationships no matter how “goals” they are. Some fans have a theory that Alexis and Jay are both pursuing careers on their own. They believe that the couple is still together, but that they are taking on a more private approach to love.

However, most are confused, and fearing the worst — that their favourite Instagram relationship has come to an end. If you take into account all of the tweets, and the shady Instagram moves, the unfollowing spree, the traveling alone, and so on, the latter is starting to look more and more likely.

This poses an important question about the internet and how public an influencer’s life is. Do fans have a right to know the status of a relationship? Is it right for them to demand insight and understanding if they are the same people supporting a couple and helping them to make money by watching their monetized videos, increasing their popularity, and essentially fuelling their ability to have the lifestyles they so actively promote? If a couple makes most of their money together, is it important for them to be transparent with the public that gives them their platform if they break up?

Jay doesn’t really seem to care. TC mark

What Men Really Want In A Woman

Posted: 08 Sep 2016 06:00 PM PDT

@aperture_ag517
@aperture_ag517

Relationships are't one-sided, they're not the best they can be unless both parties are striving toward health, holiness, and healing in their lives. I think sometimes it's easy for women to see the deficits and needs in the men around them, while never fully acknowledging the need for growth in their own lives.

What it comes down to is this: just like women are not satisfied in defining a real man by his muscle mass and sex drive, real men are shifting their perception of what they are looking for in a woman. I see a new generation of men rising up, who in their maturity and discernment understand that boobs, bikinis, and sex appeal have little to do in the equation of a healthy and meaningful marriage.

Here are the qualities that these real men are looking for in their brides-to-be:

Realness

It's sometimes hard to believe that being "real" is attractive to a man. I think it's easy for us women to look at the billboards and magazines that fill our minds with airbrushed beauty and enhanced bodies and think that being real makes you less than the others. But I've found that real men are attracted to a woman who reveals her natural self. My husband has always told me that I'm most beautiful when I am most like me: before the makeup, the hair, and the fashion have taken away from my natural self. I hear that same thing from men time and time again. There is something about the beauty of a real woman that far exceeds the plastic Barbie version of ourselves that we women so much strive for and believe in.

But men are not simply looking for a woman who is real with her appearance, but real with who she is. When it comes to attracting a real man, there is no need to pretend. They're not looking for a woman who pretends to be into sports, cars, sex, or anything else she thinks her man wants. They are looking for a woman to be fully herself…personality, quirks, deficits and all. Ladies, these are the things that make you unique and set you apart from every other woman. Embrace your real self, and let it shine.

Confidence

There is something about a confident woman that exudes beauty and attraction to a man. A woman who is confident knows who she is and what she believes, and holds on to that in her interactions with others. She believes in herself, and knows that she is valuable standing alone. She's not defined by her relationship status, her physical appearance, or her sex appeal. She doesn't buy into the lies that her value is dependent on what she does- but rather, who she is. Because a woman of confidence is aware that her value is rooted in nothing else but who she is in Christ, there is no need to flirt around or flaunt her stuff.

Flirting and flaunting will most definitely attract a certain type of man to your side, but you'll have to keep flirting and keep flaunting your entire life in order to keep his interest. I don't know about you ladies, but that kind of relationship dynamic is far too much work and emotional baggage for my liking. There's no need for skimpy outfits and cleavage when you're on the hunt for a real man- because real man will be attracted to you because of who you are- not what you have to offer him…and just continuing to be yourself will be all you need to do to keep him there. That's what healthy relationships are meant to be.

Beauty

Most men will tell you that it's important for them to be attracted to their significant other. The problem with this is that sometimes we as women misinterpret this to think that the way to a man's heart is by achieving super-model status. We beat ourselves up emotionally, physically, and mentally trying to fit into a mold that we were never meant to fill. From what I understand- to a real man, beauty is defined as so much more than physical appearance. I've met tons of men who are completely turned off by women who are gorgeous on the outside, but hollow on the inside.

Real men are looking for a woman who displays true beauty, a beauty that cannot be enhanced, made up, or airbrushed. They are looking for a woman who resonates with the beauty of kindness, compassion, humor, strength, love, joy, and gentleness. Believe it or not, real men are more interested in the size of a woman's heart and mind than the size of her waist. It's ironic then, that our society pressures women into keeping their focus on the external- the things that matter very little at the end of every relationship. Unlike physical beauty, true beauty cannot be fabricated…and it's the only thing that will draw and keep the heart of a real man. A quote I read says it best, "A real man is not looking for the most beautiful woman in the world, but for the woman who will make his world the most beautiful".

Passion

Let me clarify- there is a huge difference between a passionate woman, and an dramatic woman. The first is the kind that men flock to, the latter is the type they run away from…and never look back. If there is one thing that I hear again and again from men, is that women need to be less emotionally-driven. Men, as much as I hate to admit it, I think you're onto something here. Emotions are such a valuable part of human beings, for men and women alike. But I think a huge problem arises within the tendency for women to let their emotions take the lead. It's important for us as women to be driven by what we know and balanced by what we feel. Feelings should never lead the way.

But now that we've discussed what passion isn't, here's what it is- being a passionate woman means allowing your heart and life to be driven by things that are meaningful, invested in things that are good, and living a life that is purposeful. It means being a woman whose life is not defined by nail salons, tanning beds, and clothing boutiques- but one who lives for so much more. It means having goals, believing in dreams, and holding on to your values. It means being defined and propelled by justice, mercy, forgiveness, charity and grace. It means striving for healing in your own life and in the world around you. Living a life of passion is important, because that passion will seep into every part of your life- relationships included.

It's time to redefine the qualities that we as women think we need to have to impress a man. It's time to say no to the draw of sex appeal and begin to believe that true admiration from men to women comes only when we begin to respect ourselves. Real men are looking for real women who will reflect to them the qualities of a loving God- a God who has made us to be confident, passionate, genuine – and oh, so beautiful in every way. May we as women strive to reflect Him in all that we do.

Real men, come and get it… TC mark

I Can’t Help My Heart, It Won’t Stop Aching For You

Posted: 08 Sep 2016 05:00 PM PDT

Drew Wilson
Drew Wilson

I reek of desperation. You reek of distance and somewhere, in-between running after you and running away from you, I lost myself.

There's such simplicity in loving someone who left you in the first place; it's familiar, it's easy, it's the only thing you know. But loving someone who loves you back, oh, that's just messed up. It's vulnerable, it's an unknown drift that more often than not comes with the possibility of disappointment. Why would you bare your soul naked in front of someone and let them accept you, when you can indulge in the fluent feeling of loneliness embracing you on the inside?

It's exhausting, you know. I say this with utter conviction that there isn't one for me that can share the weight of my shoulders, understand the wounds that mark my body and my soul, acknowledge the complexities of my world.

And yet, there I go loving you like you're supposed to belong with me, knowing that you're already hers.

You are miles, cities, continents away from me and yet the distance between our hearts seems longer than our bodies. We're hollow inside, trying to define meaning to our relationship while the flame's run out. It's almost juvenile for me to realize this now, after two years of holding on that we've been over for a while, and I'm still hoping that we haven't had our last time. That we haven't had our last call, our last laugh, our last drive together and our last kiss.

As a writer, it's almost as if my duty is to hold back dialogue and ink the words instead. But with you, I lived my words, I felt my words and I finally understood what every great poet was talking about. With you all the poetry, all the literature made sense; and for that I'm grateful. I guess love does that to you, it either ignites your passions or subsides your desires; and with your loss, I'm more inspired than ever, just like I'm lonelier than ever too.

I'm chasing a figment of our love that exists only in my heart and you; you're chasing her.

She's beauty, she's distinctive, she's grace, she's everything you've ever dreamed of, she's everything I'm afraid of, she's not me. It breaks my heart every time I envision your lives together, every time I leave you two to finish what you started, at my expense. Every time I see you live my dream with her, it hurts, it hurts so fucking much.

But we're poles apart you and me, pulling away from each other second by second. You once made me believe that opposites could be on the same page; but that's the thing about you and me.

We're always on the same page, but looking at different perspectives; you searching for your epic beginnings and me, I'm looking for a happy ending.

And just like that, we cross paths, every once in a while, you say "Hello" and I say "Goodbye." TC mark

Here’s Why You Need To Stop Questioning Why They Hurt You (And Just Let Them Go)

Posted: 08 Sep 2016 04:30 PM PDT

Laura Yates
Laura Yates

When someone treats us in a way that creates so many unanswered questions, it can feel impossible to move on.

– I just don't understand why he did those things?

– Why do I still miss her when she made me feel like that?

– Why do I keep going back to them even though they make me feel like sh**?

– What must have been going through his mind to think that was ok?

– I know there were things wrong but I still wonder if breaking up with her was the right thing?

These are all things I hear from people every day and I totally understand why we create all of this internal anxiety asking ourselves these questions. I know I did.

I spent so much time in a previous relationship asking myself why he would refuse to communicate and then disappear for days on end, why he'd play these crazy emotional mind games 100% knowing how it would make me feel, why I'd often feel like I was being 'tested'. I also wondered why, when I knew he did all of these things, did I still want to cling to all of that and let go of everything else within my life in pursuit of making this relationship work.

I know a lot of people will resonate with this in their own way. I was on a call with a client last night who had done so much great work on herself since coming out of an emotionally abusive relationship but still questioned why during those vulnerable moments, she missed him.

Like I did, she wanted answers.

The thing is though, no matter how many self help books we devour, articles by psychologists and relationship experts we frantically highlight, and stories we read from other people who have gone through the same thing, the more time we spend analysing and trying to piece together the multitude of layers of someone's behaviour to be able to conclude a solid reason as to why they did those things, it makes absolutely no difference.

You don't need to find a reason. They did those things and that's the only conclusion you need to be able to let your quest for answers go and move forwards.

We always seem to want to get inside the heads of other people but all that does is take the focus away from what's really important and our most vital responsibility; us. Your ex (or whoever you were seeing that this applies to) did what they did and now your only job is to be ok with the fact that you feel emotionally bruised from it (because that's inevitable), nurture yourself and take forwards what you learnt from that.

Of course, we're going to spend time asking questions about why, if someone professed to love us so much, then why did their actions prove quite the contrary? But when we can acknowledge that the answers make absolutely no difference about the fact they did what they did, we can turn our focus inwards and instead, think about what we need to do when it comes to our own self care and emotional wellbeing to be able to build ourselves up after going through this experience.

I totally understand that this is a LOT easier than said than done! But the harsh fact is, if someone treated you in a way that compromised your self-esteem, values and what makes you you, regardless of why they did that, they did and therefore there isn't a place for them within your lives moving forwards. That should be a non-negotiable. Even if there were moments of almighty amazingness, your job is to still walk away because that isn't enough. Even if they say they will change, your job is to still walk away. Their job is to SHOW you that there is substance behind their words by working out their own answers.

These situations can become incredibly complex as there is usually a lot of emotional game playing, manipulation and even abuse at play. But the answer to getting the answer you want on it all is quite simple – you need to focus on you. You need to take what you learnt from this experience and give yourself all the things you didn't get from that person. You need to surround yourself with the people who can offer you the unconditional love and support you didn't get from that person. You need to remind yourself of all the amazing things that make you uniquely you that that person tried to tear down, change or devalue. You need to think about the warning signs you first ignored for the sake of keeping the relationship going, call BS on the excuses you made and you need to implement new standards as of right now.

All of these things will gradually create that sense of finality or closure you need. You have the choice to create that for yourself and I think that's a good thing to know. TC mark

To The Boy Who’s Willing To Wait For Me To Heal

Posted: 08 Sep 2016 04:00 PM PDT

Unsplash
Unsplash

To the boy who's willing to wait while I mend my broken heart, thank you. Thank you for not rushing me into a relationship I will not maintain well, if forced. Thank you for giving me a chance to find myself after having my world shattered by someone who did not deserve me. Thank you for making me feel worthy, when I thought I was undeserving of anyone's time.

To the boy who's willing to wait as I try to understand what I truly want, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for I cannot return the favor of having your heart, yet. I'm sorry because I know I am not an easy person to get along with nor to handle. I'm sorry for the 2 am-s you'd wake in tears thinking of how this relationship will end. I'm sorry for the sleepless nights because you’d opt to visit and make me feel needed.

I'm sorry for the bad mornings when your phone rings and hear a voice to tell you to fetch me. I am more flawed than anyone I've encountered. I am uncertain about a lot of things, which leads me to taking them for granted. I push away everyone who tries to help me, because I am in denial. I, too, don't understand why you're staying in an unsure relationship.

To the boy who's willing to wait until the day I answer the question, I'm not going to force you to linger in an ambivalent feeling. I will always tell you that you deserve someone else because I know that  there is a person out there waiting for you while you're here trying to endure the pain of something lacking.

I will always remind you that I'm worthless not to fish for compliments, because you always do, but because I want you to realize that I am less of what you are. I will push you away, not because I want to test you if you'd come back, but because from time to time the pain I felt before would come back and will make me doubt about every guy trying to get in my life. TC mark

15 Weird Little Things That Will Actually Attract A Guy

Posted: 08 Sep 2016 03:00 PM PDT

Maddy Welk
Maddy Welk

1. When you walk into a room confidently. It’s not about the stride so much as it is the look on your face as you walk towards your destination.

2. When you dance horribly. I don’t understand why men love this so much but, there is something adorable about a girl who can’t dance.

3. When you get embarrassed. You stutter. Your cheeks grow red. You play with your hair. Men dig it.

4. When you ask for them to help you reach something. Guys love short girls. I don’t get it. But it’s definitely a thing.

5. When you go ‘au natural’. Drake is correct when he raps/sings/talks, “Sweatpants, hair tied, chilling with no make-up on, that’s when you’re the prettiest, I hope that you don’t take it wrong”.

6. When you sing songs that they pretend to hate. They will 100% sing along to One Direction with you if you give them the chance.

7. When you know how to eat. Seriously. Guys adore when women aren’t afraid to chow down on some Chipotle and take out Chinese.

8. When you wear his clothes. Easy to put on. Easy to take off.

9. When you become friends with his best buds. It boosts his ego and now all his friends will wish they were him. It’s a win-win.

10. When you get jealous. It will make them feel manly as shit and will stroke their egos once again.

11. When you cuddle with them. I don’t know any guy who hates to cuddle. They all secretly adore it.

12. When you call them pet names. Kinda gross. But kinda cute.

13. When you act more dominate in the bedroom.

14. When you fart and don’t try to hide it. That just shows that you are 100% comfortable with your guy.

15. When you make fun of them. You know how in middle school when you would flirt with a guy by telling him he was annoying? It still works. TC mark

The Love Of Your Life Will Make You Want To Punch Yourself In The Throat Sometimes

Posted: 08 Sep 2016 02:00 PM PDT

Look Catlaog
Look Catlaog

Love isn't a one-way ticket to Happily Ever After because there is no such place.

There is no magical land where everyone gets along all the time—where clarity arrives just in time to prevent people from saying and doing nasty things. Where couples are protected from each other and from the world at large. Where no one gets hurt, acts like an asshole, or experiences pain.

But that's okay! You don't need a fairytale ending, let alone a fairytale life.

What you need is a partner who gets it—who understands that it's going to be tough and who's prepared to dive in anyway. Someone who will wade through Life's darkest, ugliest bits right alongside you and admit that they were a shithead that time they said that thing they only half-meant, in retrospect.

There will be relationship pains no matter how much you adore each other—no matter how much money you have or how successful you are professionally or how much fun you have on weekday nights, sitting at home doing nothing in your pjs. There will be rocky patches no matter how often you laugh together or how many sacrifices you make on each other’s behalf or how many milestones you reach as a couple. There will be tough times when you least expect them, and predicaments you can actually see charging at you from miles away, snowballing in significance on their all-too-predictable path to bombardment.

Love isn't always fun. It doesn't matter how compatible you are, how often you make each other smile, or how wowed you are by each other's general awesomeness.

Each and every single one of us sucks as a human sometimes, and the world is a place where things can go horribly wrong, no matter how good of a person you are. These brutal truths will impact your relationship.

There will be days when you wake up feeling wretched for no particular reason and the kind, compassionate, motivated individual who usually stares back at you in the mirror is replaced by a grumpy, bitter, intolerant shadow incapable of being a loving partner. On other occasions, the world will catapult some unwelcome crisis in your direction and the challenge of handling it will overwhelm you to the point that you just can't deal and your relationship will suffer as a result.

You and your significant other will fail each other sometimes.

You will fail to understand each other and you will drive each other insane and you will reduce yourselves to behavior that later abhors you. You will treat each other like shit, and it might take hours or even days or months before you're able to see clearly—before you can reach deep inside yourselves and admit that you were being total jerk-faces and finally apologize. Before you can rectify that sense of loving trust that brought you together in the first place—that which holds you together, sometimes just by a thread, when shit hits the proverbial fan.

The thing is, the pain you cause each other is rooted in beauty on some level. Because the more you love someone, the more vulnerable you are to them. The harder you fall for someone, the more you empower them. The more you treasure that truly special connection, the more likely you are to ache when things go awry.

The person you promise forever to will break your heart in small but meaningful ways again and again and again.

But around the corner from every heartbreak is renewed strength—as long as you’re committed to learning from each and every misstep. If you take the time to assess what went wrong—to figure out why that massive fight was actually inevitable—and do the work to make things right, you will me more than okay. If you trust that every mishap is an opportunity to move forward with yet more knowledge—about yourself, your lover, and life in general—you will grow stronger, wiser, and more powerful as a couple. 

So expect relationship troubles. The more prepared you are for the reality that you will experience problems, the better positioned you will be to fight for your relationship’s survival. Make no mistake: You will have to fight. TC mark