Thought Catalog


How To Feel More Comfortable Being Vulnerable

Posted: 10 Oct 2016 10:30 PM PDT

Cynthia Magana
Cynthia Magana

I'm sitting in a circle with a group of amazing young women at a New England College in their social house living room. It's part of an informal "sex salon" Q&A that I offer organizers when I do larger workshops a university. I like to meet with student leaders in a more intimate setting so they can get some more face time with me in a more relaxed environment.

We're eating pizza and I'm answering questions about sex and, inevitably, we get around to feelings. They tell me lots of anecdotes about the hookup culture on campus and how almost no one has relationships. They tell me how they are afraid of being perceived as "needy" if they are seen as wanting a relationship.

Texting is particularly full of emotional landmines and power dynamics. The timing of the reply, the wording, the emojis – they are all ripe for interpretation.

One woman asks, "So how do I tell a guy I liked hooking up with him and want to do it again but don't want him to think I want a relationship from him?" She seems genuinely curious.

I ask, "Could you ever say, 'Hey, I really enjoyed having sex with you and I think it would be fun to do it again and to be totally transparent, I'm not looking to marry you?'"

She looks at me slightly puzzled and says, "Yeah, I guess I could."

I say, "I'm guessing that feels like it would be a pretty vulnerable thing to say to this dude." I say the magic word: vulnerable.

Cue enthusiastic nods from all the women. I have struck a chord.

I say, "OK. What's vulnerable here? 1. Saying what you want. And 2. Saying what you don't want. Is that, right?"

More very enthusiastic nods.

It's amazing how hard it is to say what we want and what we don't want – especially for women. It's one of the reasons I love the Desire Map so much. It's made it easier for me to do both.

I notice, like many other people who make vulnerability a part of their lives, that the more I practice it, the more powerful I feel. This might seem counterintuitive to some since vulnerability can feel like powerlessness.

But in the choice-filled surrender to vulnerability, we are participating in a radical act that can make us feel like badasses. Most people don't regularly exercise that kind of courage and devotion to getting what they want.

Brené Brown talks about the relationship between vulnerability and connection extensively in her work. In my experience, vulnerability leads me to connection (my #1 core desired feeling). It's a bit easier to see how connection could inspire feelings of powerfulness. We feel more powerful in a group, even a group of two.

But how do we get there?

Here are 4 things I do that get me more comfortable with vulnerability.

1. I take baby steps.

You don't have to tell your darkest secrets in front of 10,000 people in order to be vulnerable. Now or ever. Choice is key and baby steps are a way of exercising that choice. I try to challenge myself without constantly throwing myself in the vulnerability deep end.

Just telling your friend how grateful your are for much she does for you, or sending that slightly-awkward email, could be the baby step for you.

Sometimes it's worth it to take a greater vulnerability risk (the cross-country move, the "I love you"), but making the regular practice of taking small steps helps strengthen that vulnerability muscle.

 2. I'm devoted to self-care.

This has a lot to do with my migraines. I wasn't nearly as good at self-care before they became chronic. Now, if I don't practice devotional self-care, I can't work or participate much in life.

But self-care requires intense boundary setting. I do lots and lots of saying what I do and don't need. Which requires vulnerability (and kindness). Every day.

 3. I'm mindful of where vulnerability shows up in my life.

When I can name it ("Oh hey, that's vulnerability I'm feeling."), I can conjure up my emotional and communicative tools and use what's at my disposal.

I pay attention to vulnerability, so when I comes up, I can take deep breaths and get clarity about what I need. Sometimes I reach out to someone I trust to help me through it, which leads me to number 4.

4. I have a kick-ass support network.

This is my greatest vulnerability asset. Instead of spending lots of energy protecting my heart from pain, I put it into building a great support network.

I know exactly to whom I can turn when I need support – with a great deal of precision. If I'm having a body image-related crisis, I call Lauren. If I need health support, I get in touch with my empathy-superstar neurologist. Crappy day? That's generally best friend territory.

Let's face it, shit will happen. No one cannot protect the heart from pain – blocking the heart only protects you from connection.

My support network doesn't protect me from life's discomforts, but it does cushion the blowback. It helps me be more resilient so I can get back to connection, joy, and productivity more quickly and easily.

I hope that my vulnerability journey is helpful for yours. TC mark

13 People Reveal The Most F*cked Up Thing They’ve Ever Seen During An Orgy

Posted: 10 Oct 2016 08:00 PM PDT

Flickr / fnogues
Flickr / fnogues

1.

Saw a guy have a bad reaction to Viagra. At first we thought he was getting dizzy and about to pass out from nerves, and everyone thought that was funny. Once we realized he may need to go to the hospital it stopped being funny. And I’ll tell you, having to call 911 puts a pretty quick stop to an orgy.

— Link-to-the-Pastiche

2.

I was seeing this girl for a while the last part of college and met her parents a few times. They were cool but definitely did not stand out as adventurous at all.

Flash forward several years, I was seeing someone else and we were much more open than my ex and I. We were invited to one by her coworker. When I walked in I immediately saw that my exes parents were there. So surreal, and they did recognize me. We did not say a word to each other and let the festivities begin. The couples split up and after it was over, we left and I never saw them again. So fucking weird.

— thegrantster

3.

Ran into an old high school teacher. He didn’t recognize me luckily.

— heymeowmeow

4.

A friend’s wife shit on me when I pulled my dick out of her ass. It was mostly liquid, and she was mortified.

— Imayhavedonethat

5.

Not a typical orgy, but we organized a BDSM party with some 80 participants.

Now, some idiot slaps handcuffs on his girlfriend, then finds out that he didn’t bring the keys. The cuffs are tight, and she she don’t have sufficient circulation, causing her hands to go numb.

So, some tries to find some other keys, while I run for the bolt cutter (which we had for exactly that reason, along with some seatbelt cutters for rope incidents). Now, these were professional cuffs, not with chains between them, but some kind of hinge, so they would have been a bitch to cut, as I would have had to cut both cuffs.

When I get back, they are on their third or fourth set of keys, and none works. Her hands are startng to go purple, so I get ready to cut, when someone comes running with another set of keys, which actually worked.

I gave that guy a stern talk about safety.

Apart from that, the funniest thing I can remember is a girl who always started laughing uncontrollably when spanked/whipped. She was great fun to spank…

— ElMachoGrande

6.

I accidentally dropped my load on a male, which caused him to puke over a girl, which caused she to puke… a scene that caused another girl to puke. Suddenly we were all puking.

— JustMeBeingHonest

7.

Not me but an old co-worker’s story I’m gonna use here.

His name was Happy, he was invite to an orgy when he was younger and it was his first of what I’m assuming to be many at this point. He gets paired up with a woman who has a thing for anal beads. He was unfamiliar with them but she was sort of helpful with the lubing and insertion part of it. Once they were all in she told him to pull them out. Before she could finish and mention to do it slowly as she’s getting herself warmed up, he precedes to rip them out as if he was pull-starting a lawn mower. She then screams while running to the bathroom with a bleeding anus. He was asked to leave immediately.

— mulletranger

8.

While we were all hanging out naked between rounds, I went onto IRC while my girlfriend was chatting up her guy on the side. He came over and started cockslapping me across my back and shoulders.

I just narrated the whole thing in the IRC channel. My girl thought it was hilarious. “COCKSLAP PARTY!”

— InfintySquared

9.

I came so hard I lost control and my head fell onto a guys ass and quickly jumped out of that situation. Was funny to everyone

— unauthorizedErection

10.

We were going at it full bore, and this one guy has kept all of his clothes on so far. I’m talking $5,000 suit, complete with tie, cuff links, etc.

He’s taking this girl in the ass right in the middle, pulls out, shouts, then runs towards the bathroom.

The girl is confused, loosk back, and there is just a massive terd on the floor.

She starts freaking out, other people see it and start freaking out, the guy comes back out, picks it up, squeezes it … and it squeaks.

— ALWAYS_TELLING_LIES

11.

A few years ago, my then-girlfriend and I started discussing about having a threesome, but we could not really decide on who we wanted to join. We didn't really want any of our close friends (at least she didn't), and we also didn't think going on craiglist was a good idea. I talked with a good friend of mine about this, turns out she is really into orgys and has attended several of them actually. Once I was over that fact (was a little mind blowing, I knew her for years and I could have sworn she's not the type), I asked her if we could come along some time. She said yes, and I suggested it to my wife, who was a little reluctant at first but then agreed.

So when the date came, we meet up with my friend and I drove us there. Turns out the whole thing is going to go down in an office building of some sort, not what I expected but I honestly didn't really know what I expected. We went in and there were like 25-30 people. There was champagne reception, and people were chatting to each other. A fair amount of them did drugs (weed, viagra, I swear that one guy took amphetamine), but I was warned about that and it was okay with me. When the orgy was about to get started and everyone was asked to change/undress, I started discussing with my wife what exactly our plan was now. We agreed that we'd just fool around with each other and see if anyone'd join, and then just go with the flow, kind of.

Fair enough, we undressed and started kissing and touching each other. It was weirder for me than I expected it to be, I never had other people around except for my partner when I had sex, but she seemed to be into it and was very demanding. So we head over to some sort of improvised giant bed made up of several mattresses covered by a giant sheet with lots of pillows, she laid down and I started eating her out. She got really loud, and I just plunged myself into it. I got so much into it that I almost forgot that other people where around, were it not for the noise. Suddenly my girl becomes quiet, and I look up to see if there is something wrong with her, and what the hell, I see this gorgeous blonde girl had taken a seat on the face of my girl, and she was eating away at her. I swear I have never been so hard in my entire life.

I watched that for a few minutes while fingering my wife before I built up the courage to start touching that stranger's boobs from behind, and she turned around and her face was just as beautiful as the rest of her. Not as beautiful as my girl, of course, but definitely hot as fuck.

I didn't have much time to look at her face though, because she instantly started giving me a deep kiss while riding the face of my wife. She had definitely smoked a joint or something, the kiss tasted like weed and I really hate that to be honest, so I gently pushed her away. I just whispered "sorry, no kissing", and she whispered back "then give me something else, I need something to keep my mouth busy". I was so baffled because I never did this dirty talk thing before, so I just asked "What do you need?" "I need about tree fiddy." It was around this time I realized that this woman was eight stories tall and a crustacean from the paleolithic era. That damned loch ness monster had gotten me again! I said, “Damnit Monstah, I ain’t givin’ you no tree fiddy!”. Needless to say, the orgy was kind of ruined for me. My girl and I got dressed again and left, and we never attended any orgy again.

— XelNecra

12.

Had a party in a hotel suite, 6 guys and 2 girls. Two of the guys are gay and just hang out and watch. So 4 on 2, everyone is having fun, at one point i’m on the bed with a girl riding me, watching one of the guys in the bathroom giving the other girl a squirting orgasm, when the feeling of the girl riding me changes. I lift her up and discover one of the gay guys crawled on the bed and bent my cock out of the girl and into his mouth. So I object and push him of the bed and get back inside the girl. Weird, but funny.

— Animal_kbh

13.

Everyone is leaving the room to take a break, grab a drink, smoke, whatever.

Me and the mrs. took some extra time to finish up, so I took her out of her chains and handed her her drink and bong.

I’m sitting there, putting on my shoes, getting ready to leave while she watches a giant black guy penetrate this tiny white girl on TV.

She hits the bong hard and says “GAT DAMN, why couldn’t one of you guys have been black?” While blowing out smoke.

That was a weird one all around.

— dr_zevon TC mark

24 People Describe The Horrors Of Suffering A Panic Attack

Posted: 10 Oct 2016 07:30 PM PDT

Volkan Olmez
Volkan Olmez

Imagine what it feels like to lose a child in a crowded mall. Maybe he's yours, or maybe you're babysitting. Whatever the situation, now he's gone. Your heart rate speeds up. Maybe you start to sweat. Panicky questions swirl around in your head: Is he OK? What if I don't find him? What if something happens? Shallow breathes knock the wind out of you, and the room starts spinning until finally… you find him. Even after you sigh with relief, you can still feel your heart pounding in your chest.

Now imagine this happens with more intensity but randomly and seemingly without cause. This is the reality for the six million Americans who have panic disorder, an anxiety disorder that causes spontaneous panic attacks with no obvious trigger, according the Anxiety and Depression Association of America. But even those without panic disorder can experience a panic attack, and for those who do, it's a truly scary experience.

To better understand what it feels like to have a panic attack, we asked readers to describe what it's like. Here's what they had to say:

1. "It's like you're drowning in a pool, but the people around you don't see. They think you're swimming like them."

2. "Every part of your body is in overdrive. Your mind, your fears, your heartbeat, your breathing. Except there's no brake pedal. You have to coast through until it eventually stops."

3. "Panic attacks crash down like an avalanche."

4. "It's like my body is going on without me, and my brain said, 'Nope!'"

5. "The smallest things can trigger the biggest feelings. It's like someone lights a match and you react as if a bomb is about to go off."

6. "It's like an elephant sitting on your chest while you're blindfolded and drowning."

7. "It's like everything inside you is building up into a gigantic tidal wave that's going to break out of your body."

8. "It's like you're stuffed into a small box and someone starts sucking out the air."

9. "While some are loud and overt, mine are silently busy with every irrational fear colliding at once."

10. "It feels like your mind is desperately trying to regain control of a body that has gone completely rogue. The more your mind tries to unscramble the circuits in your head, lungs and limbs, the more your body tenses, hyperventilates, panics and fights back."

11. "It's the feeling when someone scares you, except it doesn't go away."

12. "It's like being thrown into the ocean and not knowing how to swim."

13. "No matter how hard I breath I can't get enough oxygen to my brain."

14. "It's like the sky is falling down and you're paralyzed, unable to do anything but be scared."

15. "Everything goes in slow motion like the movie 'The Matrix.' You can see and hear people, but you've officially entered a new physical realm. No one knows you're there, and no one hears you."

16. "Out of nowhere, every irrational fear becomes a mental monster that has tied you up against your will."

17. "You feel like you need to run away from yourself."

18. "[It's like a] pressure cooker boiling with a lid."

19. "It's like a near-death experience, but you know it's all in your head because you're just sitting on the couch."

20. "It's like fireworks exploding continuously in your chest."

21. "It's like your heart is on fire."

22. "Racing thoughts. Can't breathe. Can't think. Trapped in my skin. Frantic actions. Pacing. Curling up tight. Tight chest. I'm dying. Can't think. Nothing makes sense. Trapped. Drowning. Hyperventilating. Finally calm. Detached. Out of sync. Exhausted."

23. "It's like a giant crushing your heart and lungs."

24. "It's like your skeleton is trying to jump out of your body." TC mark

This story was published on The Mighty, a platform for people facing health challenges to share their stories and connect.

5 Girls Share Their Most Humiliating Sexual Experiences (And They Will Make You Laugh Hysterically)

Posted: 10 Oct 2016 07:00 PM PDT

Fernando Brasil
Fernando Brasil

1.

“It was my first night in New York and I went to this somewhat local bar with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. I usually don’t feel like a third wheel but this night I figured I was in a new state and I should maybe meet someone. I didn’t want a relationship, nor did I want to hook up, but once you mix tequila with any of my intentions I can be easily persuaded.

I went home with this guy, which I absolutely never do but my friend’s boyfriend worked with him and he said he would pick me up when I was ready to go home so it felt safe. Anyways, we started to get undressed and I was completely naked and he looked at me and said, “You are so beautiful you remind me of my mother.” Um, so awkward I couldn’t even wait for a ride I left and took a taxi home.”

— Jane, 26

2.

“I was in Vegas for my friends 21st birthday and I never drink, but I wanted to go to support her. We met a group of guys and we went back to their place. Before we knew it, a male stripper was at the door and TRUST me they were WAY more excited than we were about this man.”

— Shelby, 27

3.

“I was at a bar and I thought I was having some chemistry with this guy. I had to use the restroom and when I came out he was standing by the door, he pushed me up against a wall and was feeling me up until he felt my tampon string and then he kept playing with it like it was some type of rowing machine at the gym. I don’t know about you, but playing with something I bleed on in some trashy bar on Main Street is not the chemistry I’m looking for. No thank you.”

— Jessica, 29

4.

“Every time I share this story it feels unreal. I was in LA downtown Hollywood club hopping with some buddies; one of my guy friends took me back to his place for a bottle of wine. I was naked and I had to use the restroom so I went out into the hallway and there was a girl standing in his kitchen. It was his sister. He. lived. with. his. fucking. sister. Needless to say, I never made it to that family reunion.”

— Bella, 24

5.

“This is so cliche, but it totally happened and it was awful. It was my first time having sex, and my parents are really religious; they never once spoke to me about anything related to that. I was only 15, so I was still using pads for when I got my period – that right there should indicate that you should NOT be having sex. I had an older sister who was a freshman in college and I spent the night at her house one night when she was having a little get-together. I went into her room with this boy from a few dorms over who was 19, and not only did she walk in to come tell me our dad was on the phone and wanted to talk to me, but her sheets were never white again. It was so embarrassing.”

— Grace, 23 TC mark

How It Feels To Fuck The ‘Cool Girl’

Posted: 10 Oct 2016 06:00 PM PDT

Drew Wilson
Drew Wilson

"So, are you going to fuck me?" Thatʼs how she said it. Are you going to fuck me.

He had to think about it. The reality and intensity of her statement not quite registering in his beer-soaked brain. He was sitting on the hard oak floor in her third-story bedroom. There wasnʼt much light in the room, the hue strongly influenced by the light of the sodium lamps infiltrating through the large bay window.

The trees were swarmed with white blossoms this time of year. Heʼd seen these neighborhoods for years; from sky scrapers Downtown, from his friendʼs Chinatown apartment, from houses on the hill in West Philly. She parked her bimmer around the block, confident it would be there in the morning. They stumbled past the new construction and closed storefronts and abandoned row homes that were dotted across this once dilapidated neighborhood under the watchful glow of the same streetlights that would later illuminate her naked figure.

There he sat at the foot of her bed, nervous and in shock of the eveningʼs progression. Selecting one of her dadʼs vinyls from the wooden crate they were kept in and placing it onto the turntable she had just purchased. Probably from one of the trendy stores in the city, specializing in just this type of hipster paraphernalia.

She laid there in her bed wearing a dingy band t-shirt with the sleeves cut off and black boy shorts. Her outfit proclaimed her intentions with the innocent-yet-seductive elegance one would associate with Holly Golightly.

This girl held his imagination for several years before this night.

Having similar majors and interests led to them sharing several courses each semester. There was something about her, something he couldnʼt quite get a grasp on.

She was so mysterious and beautiful in a manner that played at his emotions and desires so severely that she had to know. The aura of unbridled sexuality she emitted was far beyond any other girlʼs. He lusted after her, wanting to know who she really was beneath her guarded persona. She was so cool.

That was part of her mystique and appeal she had. She always wore the coolest clothes, listened to the coolest music. He had always wanted to be cool. He was never cool. He felt cooler just being around Her. And she was never around anyone. He felt so cool being friends with her.

He still didnʼt know that much about her. It seemed as if no one did. Well not no one, but they were her friends on yachts in their pictures, always jetting to Aruba for New Years or to Belgium for Easter. They had lunches together and he slowly gleaned bits and pieces about who she was and why she was so mysterious. Her father was someone, and her grandmother was an even bigger someone. The more he learned, the more he began to think that he didnʼt know her at all.

His phone rang. It was Her. Thatʼs strange, he practically spoke aloud with a deep seated excitement bordering on mild hysteria. "Hey!" was all he could muster. "Are you coming to (insert obscure band) tonight? Itʼll be a lot of fun."

He thought the bandʼs show in the city was a week away and he was planning on going. Heʼs liked this band for a few years and she mentioned it casually in conversation so obviously heʼs going. But as he thought it was the following week, he didnʼt have any plan for getting to the city that afternoon. Or home from the city, presumably the next day.

"Sounds like fun, pick me up at the train after work?" Fuck yes, was the only thought in his mind.

They hung out with her friends who were the bartenders to the upper-class of the city. The music promoters who organized concerts just like this. Writers who published their work in the newspaper and photographers who submitted to Rolling Stone.

He felt so cool. He had never felt this way before. He was as cool as her. And she was the coolest person he had ever known. He waited years to feel this way.

He bought her some cheap cans of cold lager and they danced together. Twirling and bouncing to the poppy drum and synth beats. The air conditioner was on, but it was vastly underwhelming in the humidity of the latespring night in the ʻup-and-comingʼ neighborhood. In reality it was just somewhat close to the already redeveloped warehouse districts and railroad yards, now filled with expensive bars, loft apartments, and farmers markets.

He made his way on to her bed, moving across the fluffy down comforter. He couldnʼt keep his eyes off of her, having difficulty believing the reality of the situation. ʻHot Rocksʼ was spinning on the turntable and Keith Richardʼs guitar urged them together. A guitar that she had showed him, hanging on the wall of her office.

He put his hands on her body, moving the soft cotton t-shirt that hung loosely from her shoulders. She arched her back as he kissed her, exposing her hipbones; revealing a tattoo on her otherwise flawless sun-kissed skin.

Even now he wonders if She thinks about him. Not even in the way he remembers her. Just, at all. Or remembers his name. Or even if she could pick out his face in a crowd. The same insignificance he certainly made countless girls feel after feeling important and special for a fleeting moment.

None of that matters though. Now he knows how it feels. How it feels to be cool. How it feels to be on a scuff on the crimson bottom of her favorite Louboutinʼs. TC mark

37 Things Women Need To Stop Doing NOW

Posted: 10 Oct 2016 05:00 PM PDT

Daniella Urdinlaiz (lookcatalog.com)
Daniella Urdinlaiz (lookcatalog.com)
Found on AskReddit.

1. Stop eating our French fries.

"If you wanted fries you should have fucking ordered some. I feel very strongly about this."

CasualChappie


2. Stop using that stupid fucking Snapchat filter where they have the dog nose and tongue.

"That stupid fucking Snapchat filter where they have the dog nose and tongue. You don’t look cute, you look fucking stupid."

ShovelBeatleRillaz


3. Stop doing the Duck Face.

"Girls doing the Duck Face when taking a selfie."

jstamper

 


4. Stop the baby talk.

"Baby talk. Bitch, you 30."

LouieTheWrench


5. Stop ending every sentence as a question.

"Ending every sentence as a question?"

brettness


6. Stop saying other girls bring ‘too much drama.’

"Where girls say that they don't like hanging out with other girls because they’re too much drama."

77remix


7. Stop stealing our motherfucking hoodies.

"Stealing my motherfucking hoodies."

kalidescopetitties


8. Stop wearing so much perfume.

"It’s hard to ignore it when your date smells like a perfume factory explosion. I’ve had times where my eyes water up it’s so strong."

MeEvilBob


9. Stop saying ‘cray cray.’

"Saying 'cray cray.' Jesus Christ please stop saying cray cray."

bonerball
 


10. Stop acting like men are dumb.

"Women who think that the 'men are so dumb' attitude in commercials and sitcoms translates to real life."

patentolog1st
 


11. Stop laughing so loud.

"Girls that laugh obnoxiously loud, whether at a party or in general public, to get the attention of a guy. It’s just annoying."

SONNYM00RE


12. Stop acting stupid (unless you’re actually stupid).

"Acting stupid or ditzy.

I mean, if you’re actually stupid, be my guest. Act as dumb as you want.

But when an intelligent woman decides to act like an airhead so that men will flock to her and mansplain shit, I lose all respect for everyone involved."

QWERTY_3000


13. Stop flirting to get special treatment.

"I work in the service industry, and often times when I tell a cute girl that we can’t do something (like make a certain drink in a size it doesn’t come in), she’ll instantly smile and try to look all cute and flirty and say 'are you sure?'. If they had a low-cut shirt, they might bend over a little.

I don’t like it because it is a little manipulative. Beyond that, it is pretty pointless because we’d do the request for a 70-year-old man who didn’t act all cute and flirtatious, really we’ll make most anything if the customer insists and pays an appropriate amount for it.

I think my main problem is that I just don’t like that the cute girl thinks she is getting special treatment because of her flirting. It is more a hassle than anything."

npepin


14. Stop playing hard to get.

"Playing hard to get.

Here’s the thing. As a guy, if a woman is showing no interest in me, I will not pursue. Period, end of story. Women already have enough harassment to deal with. Pursuing someone who has shown they don’t want to be pursued is a form of harassment.

So here I am. I am chatting with a woman, things are going well, I think there’s a little rapport going, and suddenly cold fish. Do I:

1) Pursue and risk being a creepy stalker on the off-chance she’s playing hard to get?

2) Throw in the towel because no means no and if someone wants space, they get space?

Seriously. Playing hard to get is incredibly dangerous. All it does is train a subset of the population to always believe that 'no' means 'probably.'"

WritingImplement


15. Stop saying ‘cray cray.’

"Saying 'cray cray.' Jesus Christ, please stop saying cray cray."

bonerball


16. Stop laughing so loud.

"Girls that laugh obnoxiously loud, whether at a party or in general public, to get the attention of a guy. It’s just annoying."

SONNYM00RE


17. Stop acting stupid (unless you’re actually stupid).

"Acting stupid or ditzy.

I mean, if you’re actually stupid, be my guest. Act as dumb as you want.

But when an intelligent woman decides to act like an airhead so that men will flock to her and mansplain shit, I lose all respect for everyone involved."

QWERTY_3000


18. Stop going insane if we don’t respond to your texts immediately.

"3:00 : Hey :)

3:02 : u there?

3:03 : Baaaaaabe…

3:05 : so i was thinking I was going to wear that underwear you like

3:07: baaaabe why are you ignoring me!

3:09 Well you could at least say hi! [Pouty emoji]

3:13 im just going to fuck your friend tonight.

3 : 14 kidding kidding [monkey emoji]

3:17 : or am I?

3: 19 i totally am lmao

3:22 babe I’m kidding….

3:24 look just say hi!

3:27 i’m going to break up with you!

3:28 not really though

3:30 babe please dont think I mean it

3:40 ok I mean it! We’re breaking up!

3:45 i really mean it!

3:50 no please take me back…. please….

3:55 please x 65

Hey sorry busy at work whats up? : 4:05

4:05 Yay! Babe Im sorry please forgive me [crying emoji]"

bozly


19. Stop giving cute names to our penises.

"I’ve had a few girlfriends who named my penis, which I guess they thought was cute. I’m glad they felt enough affection for it that they wanted to give it a name, but for some reason it just really got on my nerves. Ladies, would you want your vagina referred to as Uncle Buck?"

beast_nuts


20. Stop acting like spoiled brats.

"Girls who think being a princess entitles them to be a spoiled brat."

MrSubterranean


21. Stop being mean as a way of flirting.

"Being mean to you as a way of flirting. Fuck you if you do that, it’s not cute and it won’t make me like you."

ItsNotThatDeep


22. Stop teasing us.

"Teasing. So many girls think being a tease is cute. I want a girl who’ll just fucking get to the point, whether it be saying something or doing something."

PM_ME_BEARS_OR_FEET


23. Stop organizing our shit.

"Organize my shit. For fuck sakes I knew where everything was, now I can’t find anything."

collectiveindividual


24. Stop shaving off your eyebrows and then coloring them back on.

"Shaving off your eyebrows and then coloring them back on."

Cholula_Lvr


25. Stop acting like guys should do all the work.

"I don’t really like it when a girl thinks that guys should do all the work, drive every time to her, always buy her shit, always make her feel better but not really get it in return. I’m not made of money and I get low so sometimes maybe we could split a bill or she could pay. Not all the time but sometimes. And my family has been in a bad spot where I can’t have my own car, but apparently that’s my fault. Like fuck, drive to me and hang out.

Point being I don’t like how some girls think 'old fashioned' is the only way to go."

th3tyman


25. Stop ‘playfully’ hitting us.

"Ladies who 'playfully' hit you. Then, when you complain, it’s: 'Oh come on, that didn’t hurt!'

No but it’s fucking annoying, and I’d be in cuffs if I did it to you. Don’t slap or punch or hit anyone, period."

AsASymbol


26. Stop making us ‘fight for you.’

"'You don’t even fight for me' … is basically saying, 'You don’t act like a jealous, possessive asshole when I’m expressing interest in pursuing another partner.' Especially when this crap is coming from someone who’s all 'Yay women’s rights' otherwise. Make up your mind, your partners can’t treat you like an independent person who makes their own choices and like a possession to be fought over at the same time."

Aetrion


27. Stop taking so long to decide what you want to eat.

"Indecisiveness in regards to food. It’s not funny or cute that you can’t decide what to eat for lunch and then expect me to figure it out. You’re a big girl, what the hell do you wanna eat."

NerdFaceDeluxe


28. Stop acting ‘sassy.’

"Anything at all that a woman does, which she herself would describe as ‘sassy.’ Sassy sucks ass."

UrsaPater


29. Stop whispering.

"Women who whisper everything. WE CAN’T FUCKING HEAR YOU!!!"

Procalpse1682


30. Stop randomly kicking us in the crotch.

"Randomly kicking men in the crotch and laughing, for almost no apparent reason. I could only speculate as to why this phenomenon happens….I mean, it’s funny for you, but I’d like to have children one day."

WhatisMangina


31. Stop putting us on speakerphone to talk with all your loud-ass girlfriends.

"If I call you, and you’re with a group of your girlfriends, I’ll just call you back later. Please don’t put me on speakerphone and make me talk to a group of loud ass women that I don’t know."

COLINONYMOUS


32. Stop emasculating us in front of our friends.

"Women who think I like being emasculated in front of my friends. I don’t."

dikthunder


33. Stop saying you’re ugly just so we call you beautiful.

"Saying they’re ugly so I call them beautiful, it’s annoying."

inspectorty


34. Stop saying ‘I’m fine’ when you’re obviously not.

"When girls say ‘I’m fine’ or ‘nothing’ as if a guy can’t tell that she isn’t ‘fine’ and it isn’t ‘nothing.’ This isn’t a fucking romantic movie, grow the fuck up and tell them what’s wrong or don’t get pissy when we don’t 'take the hint.'"

Krinios TC mark

How To Get Rid Of A Ghost Who Has Already Gotten Rid Of You

Posted: 10 Oct 2016 04:23 PM PDT

Franca Gimenez
Franca Gimenez

I invited him over when he had already become a ghost because I wanted to see him in the light of day. I put my lips on him and smelled him and pressed my palm and fingertips against him.

He was solid. In the afternoon light he was just a man, he didn’t have the power to haunt me the way I thought he did.

I could see now that there was nothing here to miss. I could trace the edges of the mistake I had made, that same familiar shape. I had done the thing that girls with open minds and functioning hearts do. I had contemplated forever with this extraordinarily ordinary collection of molecules.

If you ask a ghost hunter, they will tell you there are distinct types of hauntings. Demonic hauntings are said to be the product of an evil spirit attempting to take over an individual's body (possession). Poltergeists are noisy and mischievous pockets of energy that move things around, aimlessly. Intellectual hauntings are less troublesome, a hearty "go towards the light" and some sage can clear your problem right up.

A residual haunting is the saddest of all. There's no ghost in the way we think of them, no brains of the operation. There's just some assemblage of energy that's stuck repeating the same thing over and over. Whatever event took place had enough energy that there's a trace left on that place, a loop that never leaves.

It's a memory, physicalized in the most depressing way possible.

It's the same when you love someone deeply. That love gets stuck inside you. It repeats itself and you get confused thinking you want something that is no longer an option. You don't really. It's just muscle memory. A longing that is no different than catching the scent of someone's perfume in the air long after they have left the room. You did something for so long that you have to practice not-doing it in the awkward way you have to practice breathing in and out at a normal pace when you're trying to calm yourself down.

The thing about a residual haunting is you don't get rid of it, you just stop noticing it after awhile. This is a play that is going to go on with or without your attention. It is made up of human things and science things and other stuff we haven't worked out yet — but it's not for you.

A memory might not leave you alone the way you want it to, but it can't hurt you. It's mortal the way we are, it dies when you neglect it. TC mark

If You’re Asking Yourself These 10 Questions, It’s Time To End The Relationship

Posted: 10 Oct 2016 04:00 PM PDT

@edric
@edric

Am I only with my partner because I’m afraid to be alone?

Which feeling is stronger, the love you have for your partner, or the fear of being alone? It’s easy to find comfort in being in a relationship, but is it your partner that makes you feel comfortable or companionship in general? Being alone isn’t nearly as bad as feeling alone in a relationship. It takes guts to go from ‘we’ to ‘I’ but feeling that initial discomfort is better than feeling completely unhappy when you’re with someone you used to think was right for you.

Will my partner ever change? Can I change them? Will they change for me?

When you’re in a relationship you shouldn’t change for your partner, you should change with your partner. If you don’t like the person they’re showing you they can be, then this relationship is most likely something that will constantly disappoint you. Relationships change people, that’s unavoidable, but you shouldn’t have to change yourself or someone else to make it work. You are who you are, and so is your partner. Find someone who loves you for that reason.

Am I putting in more effort than my partner to make this relationship work?

You shouldn’t have to wonder who is trying harder, and you can’t try to love someone, just like you can’t try to make someone love you. You either love them or you don’t. This isn’t to say relationships are effortless, but when the love is there, equal effort should be given by the both of you.

Is my partner distant because I let them see my flaws?

Your partner shouldn’t run away when you become vulnerable, if anything vulnerability should bring the two of you closer. If they truly love you, they’ll appreciate the moments you let them in.

How can I get things back to the way they used to be?

If you’re holding onto how your relationship used to be, and you’ve tried everything and anything to get back to that point, then you might want to consider letting go instead of holding on. Maybe when you finally begin to let go of how your relationship was, you can begin to accept the way it is. And if you can’t accept the way it is, then you can choose to leave.

Does my partner enjoy being intimate with me?

Your partner shouldn’t make you feel like being intimate with you is a chore, and you shouldn’t feel unwanted in any relationship. If you have to question whether or not they enjoy their intimate time with you, let alone any time with you at all, then you have to question your relationship as a whole. Sex isn’t everything, and it’s fine to occasionally not want to have it, but there’s an emotional connection that should remain in your relationship whether you’re having tons of sex or not, and it’s never satisfying to feel emotionally disconnected from your partner.

Has my partner been completely faithful?

Trust isn’t something you should question, it’s not something that should be partially present either. You and your partner need to fully trust one another, no questions asked.

Have they been in and out of my life more than they’ve been consistently in it?

On and off relationships are complete mind games. The partner who gives you ‘on-again, off-again’ love is the partner who’s interrupting you on your way to finding someone who will love you consistently. The ‘on-again, off-again’ partner can only handle certain parts of you, and when they have to handle the parts of you they don’t particularly enjoy, they leave, they turn that on-switch off and wait for a time that is convenient for them to turn it back on. Find someone who loves you constantly, even through the moments that aren’t convenient.

How can I get my partner to show me the love that I deserve?

You shouldn’t be asking how to get your partner to show you the love that you deserve, you should be asking yourself why you’re with someone who doesn’t. Don’t convince someone to love you, love someone who just does.

Is my unhappiness just an overreaction?

Unhappiness isn’t an overreaction; it’s a feeling, and it’s a feeling your partner shouldn’t be the cause of. You’re allowed to feel the way you do and your feelings are not illegitimate. You deserve to be with someone who makes you happy, someone who makes you feel like your happiness is a priority. TC mark

13 Men On The One Major Thing That Attracted Them To Their Current Girlfriend

Posted: 10 Oct 2016 03:00 PM PDT

Anggie / Lightstock
Anggie / Lightstock

1. "The way she carried herself, so full of confidence and life. She didn't put on an act to impress anyone, she just was happy to live for herself. It drew me in." – Brandon, 25


2. "Her laugh. I heard her laugh and I knew I wanted to hear that for the rest of my life." – Kev, 30


3. "I actually met my dream girl at an animal shelter, weirdly enough. She was cleaning kennels and showed me to the dog I wanted to see. The way she talked about the dog I could feel the passion inside her and the way she laughed was just beautiful. I knew she had a good heart and I was right. Going to get a dog from her shelter was the best thing I've ever done because it led me to her." – Lucas, 28


4. "Her outlook on life attracted me. We were with a group of mutual friends and I listened to her talk and instantly knew I wanted to know more." – Mark, 27


5. "If I'm being honest, it was her ass that drew me in haha, but her personality that made me stay and love her." – Cam, 24


6. "That she didn't want me at first, I'd just hit on her and she'd shrug it off. It almost became like a little flirting game between us. She's very independent and she made it known she didn't need me, but she eventually wanted me and I'm so happy the way it turned out with us." – Ray, 31


7. "Her insanely sarcastic sense of humor got me and it still gets me to this day. She can take it and give it right back even harder, she's incredible." – Tyler, 28


8. "Everything about her, I really can't narrow it. I saw her and knew I needed her in my life. It was instant for me, even though it took her a little longer to warm up." – Sammy, 23


9. "Her sense for adventure stole my heart. I met her backpacking in a hostel and since that day I knew I never wanted to go anywhere without her again and I rarely have." – Will, 24


10. "Funny story actually, but in college we were both drunk at a bar. I thought she looked hot so I hit on her and we ended up going home together. That basically started the relationship because she turned out to be the coolest girl." – Dan, 25


11. "I have to go with her smile. I watched her when she was with her friends talking at the bar and I wanted to go over and see if I could make her smile myself, I did and I won her over." – Liam, 32


12. "Her work ethic actually got me. I'd always go to her work and she just had such a positive spirit and she really got everyone in a good mood, it was cool to watch and everyone loved her. I'd just have causal conversation with her, but I decided to ask her to dinner and she's absolutely amazing." – Phil, 29


13. "Her sense of humor was amazing, she is easily the funniest chick I've ever met and I couldn't help but laugh every time I was around her. I'm lucky she decided to date me, that girls a legend." – Eddy, 27 TC mark

6 Better Questions To Ask Than ‘How Was Your Day?’

Posted: 10 Oct 2016 02:00 PM PDT

Pexels
Pexels

Several years ago, I realized that I had much better end-of-day conversations with the people in my life when we stopped asking each other, "How was your day?"

Instead, we started asking each other, "Did anything happen at work today that you felt proud of?"

This upgraded question elicited much better responses. It also served as a beacon of permission to share our victories. Often in life, we're not encouraged to share the things we're great at. It's "bragging."

But sharing the joy of victories, even tiny ones, can feel amazing and can reinforce our successful strategies.

In our intimate relationships, we should be safe to unmask ourselves and be honest about what's going well – and what isn't.

When we reconnect with our partners/friends/family at the end of the day, it's a great opportunity for intimacy-building. Having our lives witnessed is powerful and that witnessing is a big part of why we choose to connect with other humans.

But the same old "How was your day?" can lose its impact. It inspires replies like, "Fine," or "OK."

Upgrading the question is a great way to upgrade your intimacy and connection. Asking better questions can get you richer responses.

Upgrading your questions also helps elicit more authentic responses when your loved one's day was challenging. Often, it's some combination of the two – high points and low points – throughout the day. Better questions make space for that nuance of experience.

Here are six alternatives to "how was your day?" that you can experiment with.

  1. "Did you have any victories you want to share?"
  1. "Were there any challenges you want empathy about?"
  1. "Were there any surprisingly fun moments in your day?"
  1. "Did you have any nice connections with your colleagues?"
  1. "What was frustrating about your day?"
  1. "Now that you're home, is there anything you'd love to brag about?" (Because we can't always do this with colleagues but it's great when we can with loved ones.)

When asking any of these upgraded questions, there are a few things to keep in mind.

  • Show up with your full attention and presence to hear the response.
  • Don't try to fix or change what's alive in them emotionally.
  • Offer empathy before you offer strategy.
  • Fully celebrate their joys.

These questions are a menu, not a to-do list; you don't have to ask all of them at once. They're simply meant to inspire you to ask the bolder questions that lead to greater connection and intimacy…and maybe a little more fun. TC mark