Thought Catalog

Thought Catalog

If He Does These 17 Shitty Things In Public, He’s Clearly Using You For Sex

Posted: 11 Oct 2016 08:00 PM PDT

Twenty20, jullymalynovska
Twenty20, jullymalynovska

1. He refuses to hold your hand. He doesn’t have a problem touching you in private, but as soon as there are people around, he doesn’t want to look like a couple.

2. You only go out late at night. He never takes you out for brunch. He only takes you out for beer and chicken wings.

3. He texts the entire time you’re together. It makes you wonder why he even agreed to hang out with you. And it makes you wonder if he’s usually out with other girls while he’s texting you.

4. He never takes pictures with you. If he posts a photo of the meal he’s eating with you on social media, he’ll leave your name out of the post. He doesn’t want anyone to know you’re the one he’s with.

5. He flirts with other women in front of you. Or maybe he doesn’t flirt, but he has no problem staring at their asses.

6. If you run into one of his old friends or current coworkers, he won’t introduce you as his girlfriend. If you’re lucky, he’ll introduce you as a “friend.” Otherwise, he won’t introduce you at all.

7. Whenever you see him, it’s only for an hour or two, because you end up leaving the house so late. You never spend the whole day together.

8. When he takes you out for food, it’s never to a nice restaurant where you can have a romantic date. It’s always to Taco Bell or a sports bar.

9. Whenever he takes you to the movies, it’s not the closest theater to his house. He takes you far away from his town, so that there’s a smaller chance he’ll be seen with you.

10. You always hang out one-on-one. It’s nice to have some privacy, but if you haven’t met any of his friends yet, there’s a problem. And that problem is that he only wants to fuck you.

11. He doesn’t even offer to pay for your food. He expects you to pay for your half while he takes care of his half.

12. Somehow, you two find a way to talk about sex the entire time. Even if you spend a few hours together, you never talk about anything real. It’s just meaningless flirting.

13. Whenever you meet up with him, he comments on how sexy your body looks. But he never comments on how hard you can make him laugh or how intelligent you are.

14. He engages in massive PDA. You might think it’s a good thing that he’s willing to make-out with you in front of other people. But remember, he wouldn’t hold your hand. 

15He never calls it a date. He always refers to it as hanging out or chilling.

16. Whenever you see him, you end up having sex. He won’t take you out for a nice meal and then drop you off at your house with a single kiss on your front stoop. He always invites himself in, so you can have a quickie before he leaves.

17. Honestly, you’ve never even been out in public with him. Whenever you two hang out, it’s at someone’s house–or more accurately, inside of someone’s bedroom. TC mark

An Open Letter To Every Boy Who “Doesn’t Want A Relationship Right Now”

Posted: 11 Oct 2016 07:00 PM PDT


I hear you, dude. I hear you with flying colors. Some girls can be clingy. You like your space, and you care about your career and your gym time. After all, who needs romance when your bromance is at an all time high?

You’re trying to decipher what to do with your life and that’s fine. Being selfish and single at a young age is vital, and many women crave exactly the same freedom. The thing is, you’re going to meet a lot of great people along the way – people who are also happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time (cue the Taylor Swift song – but really). Sharing this stage of your life with someone special can be equally as beneficial, and I’ve found that most guys want exactly that. They genuinely enjoy talking to someone on a daily basis and getting to know another person. They like the comfort of having a cool girl to hang out with, not to mention hook up with regularly.

It is for this reason that I feel compelled to share my experiences, and notably the experiences of many other women. This letter goes out to every guy who has ever avoided a relationship for whatever reasons they want to tell themselves.

The scenario goes as follows: After a few months of casually seeing each other, the girl wants more for obvious reasons. Most likely, because she’s a human being and doing relationship-like things with her will make her want to be in an actual relationship at some point.

The boy will then respond like so: “I’m just going with the flow. I’m not good with the whole commitment thing and I don’t really want a relationship right now. I’m just looking to hang out (*cough* hook-up), talk, and enjoy each other’s company.”

Newsflash to all boys – I say boys throughout this article because they’re not men – this is called dating. You do want a relationship. Why? Because you want the perks of a relationship – texting all the time, sharing details about the stresses of your day, relaxing together, having sex, going out to grab food and drinks, I could go on. You just don’t want that damn title.

Ever since high school I’ve tried to figure out this bizarre phenomenon. Being in a relationship used to be the cool thing to do – of course you have a date for prom, it’s your wonderful girlfriend of eight months! Then comes college, and dating quickly became something that “held you back” from the parties and the fun. After graduation, the game changed but the players stayed the same. Now, you actually have to put effort into getting to know another person. Ironically, most boys put in an initial effort just to tell the girl in the end that they “don’t want a relationship right now.”

Even more ironic, when a guy finds a woman who is down with the casual hook-up arrangement, he thinks he's scored it big. In most cases, it’s because the woman in the scenario doesn’t give two flying fucks about you – that’s why she’s so detached. Many women play this game. I know I have, and so have an abundance of my friends. Sadly, the moment a woman realizes she may have real feelings for the guy, she finds herself nervous.

Nervous, because of every boy in woman’s past who is just going with the flow, doesn’t want a relationship right now, and is really just looking to hang out, talk, and enjoy each other’s company. In other words, this boy is saying ,"I like doing relationship things with you, but I don't want to find out if this could be an actual successful relationship."

These boys are scared. They’re scared of what a possible relationship might change and they're na├»ve to think that they couldn't be happier than they are right now. In all honesty, I’d like to know when caring about another person became such a negative thing. If you’re genuinely interested in someone, why would you skip the chance to pursue that happiness to its fullest potential? If it was a sport you loved to play, you’d practice your heart out and try to win the championship. You’d be committed to the game. In fact, you probably already know that in order to appreciate anything fully in life, you have to be committed. This includes relationships.

Unfortunately, somewhere along the way dating got a bad rep. A negative stigma was created and everyone hopped on the bandwagon. After a while, dating also became so lost in translation that boys now have an illogical belief as to what it actually entails.

In reality, dating someone has more perks than being single. If it’s a steady hook-up boys want, they should probably realize that men in relationships not only have more sex, they have better sex. Feelings not only create someone who cares about you, but someone who cares about pleasuring you. I know so many women who have never done XYZ in the bedroom, but would give it a try with someone who was committed to them. What’s more, dating offers continual support. If you have a bad day or if you’re working toward a goal, being in a relationship means there’s someone in your life who’s there to celebrate when something amazing happens or care for you if you’re not feeling so hot.

Dating doesn’t mean you can’t hang out with your friends, go to the gym, or play basketball with the boys every Wednesday. And it definitely doesn’t mean you two will be joined at the hip or forced to report your every move. Women equally value their own space, hobbies, and girls nights – this street goes both ways. A real relationship is one where two people have separate lives and share them the same way they do with their family and best friends.

The worst part about this conundrum is the notion that so many boys view a relationship as being tied down or settling down. First of all, if you don't really care for the girl, by no means is anyone trying to convince you to date her. For the sanity of everyone involved, actually, do not date that person. I personally don’t associate dating someone with settling down, mostly because it’s not. All because someone wants to date you does NOT mean they want to get married and have children a year later. In fact, most individuals would prefer to be 100 percent single unless someone comes along who challenges this belief. The point is, though, to be open to that challenge.

Don't chase someone just to let them go. Don't talk to someone everyday if you don’t want an emotional connection. Don’t do relationship-like things with a person if you don't want a relationship. Don't hold back your feelings. It’s not often you find someone that you actually connect with – so take a chance when that happens. If someone strikes my fancy, I'm not going to stand in denial because of my “young” age or opinions of my friends. I'm going to act like an adult and pursue that feeling because I pursue things that make me happy.

One of my favorite quotes simply states: “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten.” In the end, a great relationship it will enhance your life. If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out – but you’ll never experience the true thrill and joy of love – finding that perfect person – if you don’t try in the first place. TC mark

18 After-School Rituals That Kids Born After 1995 Will Never Understand

Posted: 11 Oct 2016 06:00 PM PDT


1. Saying good bye to your friends and knowing that you probably wouldn’t be talking to any of them until tomorrow, because nobody had cell phones and it was kind of definitely great. Other than some light AIM chatting, you were free to spend the evening decompressing.

2. Racing into your pantry to get first-pick of the delicious snacks waiting for you: Gushers, Fun Dip, Fruit Rollups, Oreos, Danimals, etc. That incredible list would go on and on.

3. And choosing a drink to go with it – Capri Sun, Hi-C, Surge, Yoo-hoo, or anything else that could eventually lead to Diabetes.

4. Staring at the TV Guide channel for five minutes while you ate your snack, trying to figure out what you wanted to watch – because On Demand, Netflix, and the magical “guide” button on remote controls did not yet exist.

5. And then screaming in misery when your little sibling distracted you, causing you to miss the line ups for the next few hours on Disney Channel, Nickelodeon, and ABC Family.

6. Eventually giving up on the TV Guide channel and just watching TRL instead. Because maybe, just maybe, they would show 30 seconds of the “Say My Name” music video today.

7. Racing to get all your homework done so that you could do whatever you wanted all evening, even if that just meant sitting in front of the tv for hours – watching Boy Meets World and then Sister, Sister and then Even Stevens and then Lizzie McGuire and then That’s So Raven. 

8. And, when your realized you forgot a couple worksheets at school, getting out the phone book and calling all of your friends to see if any of them could fax it to you.

9. Not knowing the answers to some of your homework questions, and actually having to look them up in your textbook, because Google was still a young, naive baby.

10. And sometimes getting desperate enough to Ask Jeeves. Even though Jeeves was a total jabroni.

11. Having company in the form of Clippy from Microsoft Word while you wrote a 5 paragraph essay on your “favorite summer memory.”

12. And then getting super annoyed because Clippy would never shut the fuck up.

13. Giving up on your homework and deciding to play a computer game instead, because they were kind of educational. After all, you learned more from Oregon Trail than you ever did in history. And you also wouldn’t be the intellectual that you are today without Math Blasters, Jump Start Typing, or Storybook Weaver.

14. And when that didn’t do the trick for you: opening Microsoft Paint and drawing stupid, pointless things with your mouse while you waited for your favorite show to come on tv.

15. Or playing the SIMS and killing everyone off and thinking you were groundbreaking and hilarious.

16. And when you started to feel pent up and restless, you’d hop on your bike and race over to your neighbor’s house. Because they had the greatest, most coveted possession of every prepubescent: a trampoline.

17. And if you needed to burn off some steam but you didn’t feel like hanging out with neighborhood friends: turning on your boom box and jamming out to the Spice Girls, Backstreet Boys, or N’SYNC. And having to switch cd’s each time you wanted to hear a different band, because THAT’S HOW LIFE WORKED BACK THEN. A “NOW” cd was the closest thing there was to an iPod.

18. And, finally, after a long day of avoiding homework and trying to burn off all your pent-up energy from school: settling down on the couch to watch the Disney Channel Original Movie of that evening. And every single time, praying that it would be Smart House or Brink! After all, you needed something good to talk about while you AIM-chatted on the side with your crush. TC mark

It’s Time To Let Him Go (Yes, On Social Media Too)

Posted: 11 Oct 2016 04:00 PM PDT

I know that's the last thing you want to hear right now, let alone the last thing you want to do. Everyone's been telling you to cut all ties since you broke up, right? But you refuse, mainly because you agreed to be friends at some point and you're trying to remain cordial, but that "some point" will never work for you.

I know you think deleting him or blocking him off all social media platforms is a childish move and you think of yourself as "the bigger person" here, so you don't even consider doing it. I mean, you probably don't really care by now. You don't even stalk him that much. You're so over that phase. Am I wrong?

Actually, no. You are.

Take it from someone who has been there. Someone who was there for so long that she made a house out of self-pity and ex-inflicted anger.

I've always been a very active user on Instagram, but after my relationship sunk, he started uploading more pictures there. I refused to unfollow him for the same reasons that you don't want to do it (Hope? Failed try at adulthood? Love, even? I really don't know), but I realized that every time I saw something of his on my timeline, whatever it was, I got irrationally upset. In fact, that's the reason why there's nothing on my feed from January 27th to February 23rd.

I shook my head in denial whenever my friends suggested I unfollowed him, so I just stayed away from what is my favorite social media network just so I didn't have to see his face. How unfair to myself. As if I hadn't gotten through enough already.

I know you're at a very vulnerable place in your life right now, so I hope you don't see this as me scolding you. I would never dare to do that. You don't deserve it. You deserve love and understanding and having your feelings validated, so if you need a sign telling you that that anger you feel is real and acceptable, this is it.

You have every right to be angry, even if every other organ in your body is telling your heart it's being stupid. It's not. That's why you need to cut all ties, even if you agreed to eventually be friends, because you deserve to move on and leave this person behind the same way that he left you and never looked back.

Listen to me. You are not a bitter person and would never wish the worst on anyone, not even someone who hurt you and took all you had to give and more, but you don't necessarily want to see him happy. If that rings a bell, repeat after me: It's all right. That does not make you a bad person.

On the other hand, if he's the kind of person that talks about his problems on social media, or if you're just a very observant individual and can get a certain kind of vibes depending on what he posts, the solution is still the same: Stay away from him.

Can it be any clearer? He may be sad, and a part of you (the one that is still resentful no matter how much time it's been) may not be entirely disgusted by the idea, but it's really not any of your business. Even if it turns out the reason he's unhappy is you, or the lack thereof in his life. Whatever it is, it doesn't concern you anymore. It did one day, but your pain should no longer be an extension of his. You've got enough things to worry about as it is. Let him deal with his stuff. And if he can't? Well, that's his damn problem. Not yours.

I'm going to let you in on a secret I have learned as an ex-girlfriend myself: He's stalking you more often than you're stalking him–and I know that for a fact–but not even making him jealous of the good life you're leading now or the new people you're meeting will make it worth it.

His jealousy will often lead to comments you don't deserve. I know that makes you feel good and powerful, in a way, but in reality it's just something that's unfairly tying you to him and giving him power to step on you again. He left you, and if he wants to be bitter about the breakup, just let him. And let go.

You deserve so much better than a life connected to somebody who treated you as a life vest, then left you to drown. TC mark

If He Sends You These 13 Texts, He Wants More Than Just Sex

Posted: 11 Oct 2016 03:00 PM PDT

Unsplash, Jonathon Pendleton
Unsplash, Jonathon Pendleton

1. Boring texts. If he sends you messages that talk about the new book he’s reading and the groceries he’s picking up from the store, then he’s opening himself up to you. If he only wanted sex, he’d stick to talking about sex. Mundane conversations are actually a positive thing.

2. Morning texts. If he’s thinking about you before 10PM rolls around, it’s always a good sign.

3. Birthday texts. Let’s be honest, if he only wanted sex, he wouldn’t even remember your birthday.

4. Complimentary texts. I’m not talking about the kind that say you’re hot and have a huge rack. I’m talking about the subtle, genuine kind where he thanks you for being a part of his life and tells you how important you are to him.

5. Texts that ask for advice. If he’s asking you if he should change his major or what kind of haircut he should get, he cares about your opinion. You’re not just a toy to him.

6. Texts that include actual plans. If you were just a booty call, he’d be texting you around midnight asking you to come over that night. If he’s making actual dinner plans with you for later in the week, he’s looking for a legitimate date.

7. Texts he initiates for seemingly no reason. If he claims that a random commercial reminded him of you, he’s reaching. He just wants to talk to you, because he likes you.

8. TV show texts. If you text back and forth about what’s happening on New Girl for the full half-hour it’s on, he wants more than just sex. Otherwise, he’d watch the show in peace without checking his phone every two seconds.

9. Apology texts. You don’t want to date a guy that constantly screws up and thinks a quick I’m sorry will wipe the slate clean. But if he seems genuine and it’s a first time offense, he probably likes you. Otherwise, he wouldn’t care about hurting your feelings.

10. Meme filled texts. If he only wanted to fuck you, he wouldn’t be sending you bizarre pictures of Spongegar to start the conversation. If he’s being weird around you, it means he’s comfortable being himself around you.

11. Texts filled with questions. If he actually cares about you, he’ll actually want to know about your day. He’ll ask what you’ve been up to, how work is going, and how your parents are doing.

12. Texts that talk about something deep. If you’re having conversations about the afterlife and the galaxy and human existence, then there’s something serious going on between you two.

13. Lovey dovey texts. Yes, some guys are complete slime and will lie about how much they like you, just to get in your pants. But most guys won’t act mushy and use the L word, unless they legitimately mean it. TC mark

Girl, You Are Worth The Chase

Posted: 11 Oct 2016 02:00 PM PDT

Ian Schneider
Ian Schneider

I once thought love was easy as one-two-three. Popular culture dictates that if you want a man, you gotta plan. Gone are the days when guys would do everything just to prove to you that you are worth the world to them. Today, all it takes is a simple “I luv u ;)” over chat or text for them to get your sweet “Yes!”

Sad to say, some boys will take you for granted. They think they can have us easily or that there is no problem with juggling two or more girls at a time.

While the blame falls on them, it’s also partly our fault.

Some girls are content with allowing boys to go through the easy way. Of course, how can you say no when your crush finally notices you? How can you deny love’s knock on the door, even if he’s not just knocking at yours? We allow them to enter our lives so easily. We think that if we make things hard, he'll go away and see someone else. And we don’t want that.

But girl, know this: you are worth it.

As David wrote on Psalm 139, we are fearfully and wonderfully made. The Lord made the intricate parts of our bodies and emotions. It’s enough to prove that girl, you are no ordinary piece of work. You are a wonderful masterpiece.

With that in mind, isn’t it only right for a guy to pursue you the right way?

Don’t be like me. I had to learn the hard way. But despite the pain, I realized that the right guy shouldn’t be a playboy or the first boy who says “I love you!” The right man isn’t one who just stays for the little blunders but doesn’t know how to handle storms. He’s not one who stays sweet now and breaks your heart later.


The right guy won’t settle for the easy path. He works hard he knows you are a master piece. He will respect you, your body, and your demands. He doesn't just use his feelings; he thinks with his brain. The right man will not look at other women for comfort; he will prove to you that you are enough.

Girl, never think that you’re not worth the chase. If a man really loves you, he will do what is right. Even if things don’t seem to agree his way, he will use his brains and be ready to face whatever comes his way.

Don’t be afraid to raise your standards. Never stoop down to their level just to get their attention. If a guy easily gives up, then he is not worth it. But worry not, be confident that the Lord has you. Just be sure to obey His word and the people around you.

When a guy works hard for you, he will definitely value you more. Because he poured all blood, tears, and sweat, it’s enough proof that he really wants to win you over.

Believe me when I say you are worth the chase. Don’t be rash; for now, enjoy the company of those you hold dear. Live life to the fullest. Eventually, the right person will come. All you have to do is trust and believe.

You’ll see. TC mark

I Don’t Believe In Love, But I Did Believe In Us

Posted: 11 Oct 2016 01:00 PM PDT


I’ve never been a big fan of romance. As the Wednesday Addams of all my friends, I was never giddy when attractive men approached us at the bar. My tone was often biting, sarcastic. I preferred verbally chopping down those who attempted any advances rather than swooning at their neanderthal come-ons.

As a teenager, I didn’t give a shit about homecoming dances or who like-liked who. People wrongfully thought this meant something was wrong. Clearly I had experienced some childhood trauma! I was so closed off, so unlike all my peers.

I never expected to love someone, in the romantic sense.

This got mis-labeled as pessimism. I was the cold and hardened one. The black widow. Or, most annoyingly, someone who just “hadn’t met the right person yet.”

And in some ways, it was true.

I hadn’t met you.

Doesn’t mean we were a romcom. You’re not Matthew McConaughey. And my boobs are definitely bigger than Kate Hudson’s. But still, you were my glimpse into a life I had sworn off.

I still don’t believe in love. Lasting love. I don’t think humans are meant to be monogamous. I think the entire institution of marriage is a societal pressure, not actual romance. We’re being sold on love. It’s marketed to us. Valentine’s Day. Chocolates, flowers. It’s all so transparent.

But you and I, we were something. You understood me in a way I hadn’t experienced before. I didn’t have to explain. I didn’t have to hide. You just got it. You got me.

And isn’t that what it’s all about? Just knowing someone sees you.

Is that what love is? TC mark

Date Someone Who Lets You Leave

Posted: 11 Oct 2016 12:00 PM PDT


Sometimes, relationships don’t work. No matter the effort one might make, or the sacrifices one tries to make, sometimes the other person isn’t going to be all in.

And that doesn’t mean the relationship wasn’t beautiful. That doesn’t mean it didn’t matter. It just means that for some reason, the relationship isn’t working. It just means that for some reason, the relationship isn’t going the way it should be going.

So, date someone who lets you go when you need to be let go of. Date someone who lets you go when you say you need to leave. Date someone who lets you go, even if it’s the hardest thing they have ever done.

If that person ever truly cared about you, then they would let you leave.

And it’s not because they want you to. It’s because they want you to be happy, and if walking out on them makes you happy, they will let you.

Date someone who leaves you alone. Who doesn’t try to beg for you to stay. Who doesn’t text you and call you everyday, trying to convince you to come back to them.

Date someone who lets you be. Who lets you do what you need and want to do. Even if it hurts them in the process.

Date someone who respects you enough to watch you walk away, and to not run towards you. Date someone who loves you enough, to let you follow your heart. And date someone who will let you go if that is what you truly want.

Date someone who won’t second guess your decision. Because they respect and cherish you enough, to not question you.

Date someone who doesn’t doubt you. Who believes you when you say you have moved on. Who believes you when you have said that you don’t want to be with them.

Date the person who believes in every single part of you.

Even if it emotionally kills them in the end.

Date the person who knows you would never purposely cause them harm. And date someone who realizes that you wouldn’t hurt them just in spite of everything. Date the person who knows that you need to leave.

And date someone who understands that when you say you have to go, that you mean it.

Date someone who never second guesses your honesty. And who will break down while watching you leave, but will have enough dignity inside of themselves to not scream out your name.

Fall in love with the person who knows your heart.

And fall in love with someone who knows how special and sacred your heart is. And after you fall and you realize it isn’t right, fall in love with someone who accepts the fact that you have to go. Fall in love with someone who can be man enough to let you go. To let you leave. 

Because they will know, that if it’s meant to be you will come back.

And if it’s not, they will thank you for not prolonging their hurt.

Date someone who lets you leave. Even if it hurts in every bone in their body. Date someone who has the strength in themselves, to let you go. TC mark

A 20-Something’s 16-Step Guide To Coming Out As Gay

Posted: 11 Oct 2016 11:30 AM PDT


1. Exist. Be born. Do normal baby things. Cry a lot. Play with your toys. Start to learn how to talk. Gasp out some baby words and toddler phrases. Learn to walk, learn to play, learn to laugh, learn to tease your little sister.

2. Get older. Go to school, make friends, make enemies, make inappropriate jokes and ugly drawings your parents hang on the wall. Have a moment you realize that you’re different. It might be a fleeting moment, something were you feel apart from everyone else. You might hang out mostly with the opposite gender, you might defy gender norms, you might just feel out of place. Ignore it. Keep going on with your life. Try to understand American history and length times width. Fall asleep during free reading time.

3. Experience puberty, it’s weird. Your body takes over your life and makes all kinds of changes you aren’t really down with. It’s like your parents only somehow worse and a lot more intimate. Fight against tons of annoying body hair, start to smell like monkey butt when you don’t wear deodorant, start feeling attracted toward the opposite sex.

Or not.

4. Keep growing. Keep waiting for that day that fabled teenage sex-drive kicks in for you and you find the opposite sex irresistible. Keep waiting.

5. Feel different. Feel left out. Sometimes, feel alone. Find yourself staring at that cute guy across the hall, then remember your not allowed to do that. Try to stare at the cute girl in your chemistry class — feel nothing.

6. Hide who you are. Change your voice, change the way you dress. Talk about all the hot girls on television and at your high school football games. Avoid highlighting any differences between you and everyone else. Push past it, push it away. Talk to your best friend about how Carly has really cute eyes and you might want to ask her to the homecoming dance.

7. Get defensive. Find every person who talks about you “being gay” and tell them you’re not. Complain to your friends about how “everyone thinks you’re gay.” Complain to yourself about why you can’t “man up” and just like women already. Sit in a quiet church sanctuary on some quiet fall afternoon. Ask God why you are like this. Ask God to help you. Pray to be straight. Pray to be happy. He’ll answer one prayer, but not the other.

8. Wake up the next day and somehow convince yourself you’re still straight. Bury yourself deeper in denial, self-loathing, depression, and pain. Watch your friends have happy heterosexual relationships, and wish that someone wanted to hold your hand.

9. Grow up. Become an official adult, go to college or start a job. Convince yourself that this will be a “fresh start” that you can finally be the popular, hot rod, straight WASP that you were always meant to be. Go on dates with women. Get good grades, do well at work. Still feel like shit. Hate yourself.

10. Finally get tired of being miserable. Go for a fall walk in late October wearing your $79.99 black peacoat you recently bought from JC Penney. Bury your hands in your pocket and listen to Adele. Finally, finally, decide to try being yourself. Whisper to yourself in the dark, “I have to do this.” Then do it.

11. Hang out with your best friend. Talk about the weather. Nervously laugh about some joke that isn’t really funny. Tell him you want to talk about something. Let awkward silence thicken through the air. Cut an opening through it and cough out the words, “I’m bisexual.” Cry.

12. Feel love. For the first time in your life, feel someone accept you for who you are.

13. Experiment with being yourself. Stop punishing yourself for noticing a cute boy. Stop hating yourself when you think about dating your same gender. Stop hating yourself in general. Let yourself buy the clothes you want, start talking however the fuck you want.

14. Get nervous. Question yourself. Are you doing this right? Are you actually bisexual? Are you actually…gay? Be uncertain, second guess yourself. Stay awake at night trying to figure yourself out. What label are you? Who are you?

15. Push yourself out of your comfort zone. Go on a date with a guy. Kiss a guy. Text guys. Wonder what the fuck you’re doing. Realize you have no idea. Accept that you have no idea. Keep doing it anyway.

16. Wake up happier. Go to sleep happier. Realize how far you’ve come, and remember how far you have to go. Be okay with that. Take every day as it comes, remember you’re only human, and enjoy each and every day of being yourself. TC mark

19 People On How They Moved On From The Worst Breakup Of Their Life

Posted: 11 Oct 2016 11:00 AM PDT


1. "Went to a therapist weekly after a MAJOR breakup. At our first session, she wrote down the 5 traits that I chose to be necessary in my next partner & she told me to keep the paper in a place where I’d see it frequently. I continued to see her until I finally met someone who checked off all of those traits. 5 years later, we’re married with a baby." — Tenille, 32

2. "After a horrible, long-drawn out divorce, I moved back home, went to therapy, and prayed. A LOT. It took a couple years, but I'm back in my own place, with a fantastic career, newfound love of yoga, and an incredible circle of friends. I'm so much stronger and independent than I ever was before." — Sarah, 37

3. "Sex, drugs, rock n roll baby! Then I realized those were my true loves in life." —Will, 43

4. "I wrote many, many songs that expressed exactly how I felt. I drank a lot of alcohol. I spent a lot of time with an amazing friend who helped me out with tarot readings and finally I started dating. A lot. I played the goddamned field to the max. And then I found someone new and he helped me get the rest of the way through." — Lisa, 42

5. "I made sure I had things to look forward to coming up soon, like a road trip with good friends. I read a lot of self-help books (not just relationship ones, but books about personal growth in general), and I tried to keep busy, e.g. got more involved with work, spent more time nurturing other relationships, like spending more time with friends I hadn’t seen much of, etc. Most of all, I tried to honor my own processing needs and not beat myself up if I couldn’t do what various other people or books advised (for example, no contact isn’t something that has been helpful to me in breakups, so even though a lot of people said I ‘should’ do it that way, I just did it the way I needed to. I also didn’t put myself back out there until I was ready).

"Oh, and finding a physical outlet that also lets you get out pent up emotion is great, I took Muay Thai and Krav Maga classes, got in great shape, too. Seeing a counselor is really important because if you only talk to your friends and family, they’re going to a) get sick of hearing about it and b) feel anxious because they don’t know how to help make it better. Preferable to talk to a professional and then talk about other things with friends/family as much as possible. Lastly, I tried my best to keep a positive attitude and keep an eye out for anything useful I could learn from the situation (‘when you lose, don’t lose the lesson’)." — Alison, 34

6. "Lost weight, acknowledged my depression, went to therapy, issued a no contract order, all in and went through a long divorce process. I smoked lots of weed, went on dates, focused on work and my kids, and slowly started putting myself back together piece by piece. Eventually I rebuilt myself, found the sexist guy alive, got him to take me on a date and the rest is history. We've been together ever since. We just celebrated one year together. I went through hell to not only find him, but find myself, and I'm happy I did." — Teka, 29

7. "I shaved most of my head and dyeing the remaining hair blue! I think part of it was feeling like one my identities was lost (my identity as this person’s girlfriend) so I was looking to reinvent myself. It was really therapeutic, actually!" — Char, 30

8. "The best way to get over someone is to get under someone new! I've done it all, but I find that going out and ‘clearing out the cobwebs’ really seems to help hit reset. Also, online dating is a blast! I signed up for it after not one but two major breakups and lo and behold, that's where I met my amazing husband. We've been married 4 years now and are currently trying for a baby!" — Tyleen, 35

9. "After one relationship I was super self-health focused and hiked/yoga/lost weight, after another I went on to get excited about flirting/meeting other guys. But whooops I accidentally met my husband on said website while trying to get over my ex! For me, it was important to feel sexy and desired. Nothing wrong with dating after a breakup to feel empowered and desired." — Laura, 34

10. "Listened to lots of music, started going to therapy, and rebounded into one of my best friends. Have now been with said rebound for over 6 years." — Julia, 31

11. "Not a breakup, but a death from cancer. Music kept me sane." — Carla, 50

12. "Moved to Colorado!" — Maggy, 43

13. "After my divorce, I went full bore into serial dating. Struck up a couple very intense but highly dysfunctional almost-relationships. Finally, hit my wall and retreated. I quit my job and took lots of trips to see friends from out of state. Cried a lot. Eventually met a man that I fell deeply in love with, but due to a job relocation out-of-state, having differing ways of expressing our emotions and ultimately just not wanting the same things out of life, that ended as well. We went back and forth for about six months after the initial breakup, and each time we broke up it was harder than the last. Finally I realized it was never going to work no matter how much love was present.

"Threw myself into work, got a second job, started rediscovering passions and hobbies that I'd let fall by the wayside, talked to friends and family till I was blue in the face, prayed, and slowly started to realize that my self-worth is not contingent on the love, affection, or opinion of another. I drank, cried, wrote, cried, slept, cried, wrote, masturbated, wrote some more, and finally, when the pain got to be too great, I had to come to the realization that if I was the one for him, we'd still be together. It hurt putting it in such black-and-white terms, but it was the only thing that allowed me to emotionally disconnect and move on.

"I'm still not quite over it, I sometimes wonder if I ever will be, but I've learned to be grateful for the love and special moments I experienced and also learned to re-evaluate my own boundaries and what is and isn't acceptable in a relationship. I recently started dating again, and while it's hard sometimes, I'm meeting people that now vibrate on my same frequency, because I approach new people with a wiser heart and more honesty than I did in my previous relationships. I also started going to therapy so I could not only talk freely about how I was feeling, but learn techniques to avoid making the same mistakes twice." — Hannah, 34

14. "Listened to the Cure. A lot." — Marshall, 34

15. "Discovered online dating. Through dating, I noticed a pattern developed- I had no problem sleeping with people I'd never consider having a relationship with, but refused to let the people I seriously dated take things to a physical place. It was a long hard road to self-realization, but to make a long story short, I'll be marrying one of the people I dated next year." — Tricia, 30

16. "After breaking up with my boyfriend 4 days before my birthday I went full-bore into drugs and alcohol. What I'd reserved for the weekends quickly started spilling into my daily life. Once I got that under control, it was friends that pulled me through. Even old acquaintances that I hadn't talked to in years started coming out of the woodwork. Situations like that make you realize that you have a lot of amazing people in your corner. "— Maria, 36

17. "Motorcycles! They provide open road, meditation, exploration, and community." — Erin, 34

18. "Move 1,900 miles away, cut that hair, and start the fuck over!" — Erica, 40

19. "Sleep. Lots of sleep." — Soni, 64 TC mark