Thought Catalog

14 People Share Their Sex Toy Horror Stories That’ll Make You Laugh Your Ass Off

Posted: 06 Nov 2016 07:00 PM PST


I let my roommate borrow my car and while he was gone me and my girlfriend went to my room to have sex. I thought it would be fun to put her in handcuffs. After we were done I remembered the key to the handcuffs was attached to my car keys. She sat on my bed handcuffed for a couple hours. We’re still together and plan on getting married

— Robertostacos


I had a fleshlight in college. I bought into the hype and in my sex crazed fervor I bought one. I didn’t think about cleanup. So after washing it out I let it dry in my bathroom. My roommate was at class for another few hours, I’d grab it and put it away before he got home.

I didn’t remember.

My roommate walked into the bathroom to see my dissected fleshlight on the bathroom counter.

He never let me live it down.

About a month later he left his sharing on in itunes. I went through his music (with his permission) and found his audio porn. Stuff he would just listen to. We agreed to not mention either ones mistakes to anyone else.

— Xalwine


it was summer time so my son was spending the majority of the time with his Mom. I always do an emergency clean the day that I need to pick him up and before a lady-friend comes over, so I got in the habit of leaving my fap enhancement device on the kitchen counter after cleaning.

Thing is, I don’t do an emergency clean when friends come over. Buddy comes over to hang out. For a good hour or two me and him are in and out of the kitchen grabbing beers, apparently not noticing this massive thing just sitting out on the kitchen counter. Finally, he goes to use the sink. He freezes, I freeze, we lock eyes for an awkward moment before he finally says “What the fuck is this?”

“You know what that is.”

I encouraged him to buy one and stowed it away. Now everyone in our group of friends knows I fuck latex. Whatever. If you’re a dude and you haven’t bought a sex toy to fuck you’re missing out.

— The_Josh_Of_Clubs


This is way more tame than anything else in this thread but one time I tried to masturbate with the handle of a hairbrush and forgot to clean it off. The next day, my roommate borrowed it and there was all this crusty stuff and she was like, “what’s this?” And I said, “oh, I guess it’s hair product!” Unfortunately, I don’t use any hair product and she knew it. So then she accused me of stealing her volumizing gel. Drama ensued.

Eventually I found a sample of hairspray that i told her I had been using so that stopped the accusations. And she did give me a great tip about cleaning hairbrushes and makeup brushes in baby shampoo so I’m going to mark it as a win because it’s been 8 years and even though the hairbrush handle was kind of a shitty substitute for a penis, and I didn’t keep in touch with the roommate…my hair and makeup brushes are in great shape.

— t_rex_arms_444


I got a new suction cup dildo and was testing it out (just randomly attaching it to things… not fucking it. I wouldn’t lie on the internet!) on different surfaces. I finally get to the bathroom and when I tried to take it back off the wall, the tile came with it! And then THE SURROUNDING TILES ALSO FELL AND SHATTERED. Apparently it was some old grout. Anyways, I had to tell my landlord. His version of the story is I was shaving and it all collapsed.

Silver lining is he remodeled the whole bathroom and for the remainder of my time in that house I had a really fancy master bathroom to myself.

— OvaltineDeathFantasy


I’m not sure if this counts, because the mishap didn’t occur during sexy time, but it was still a mishap. When I was in the process of moving apartments, I couldn’t decide what box to put my vibrator in. I knew I couldn’t put it with underwear or toiletries, because my family was helping me move, and I knew my mom and aunt would think nothing of unpacking my underwear for me, and discovering the toy. I finally decided that I could put the vibrator in my Trivial Pursuit game, and then place it in box with other board games. That way, my family might take the games out of the box, but they’re certainly not going to open up the game itself. I was so proud of that idea.

The day I’m moving, my aunt carries one of my boxes into my new apartment, rubbing her knee. I asked what was wrong, and she said she’d tripped over a curb, fallen down, and dropped a box, causing the things inside to spill out. My eyes got huge and I asked her which box — and OF COURSE, it was the one containing games – and my vibrator. I was mortified.

— nosniboral14


Live with parents, thought I locked door. Had on my prettiest satin baby doll lingerie with matching G-string around my knees while riding a large dildo that looked very realistic.

I’m also a dude and my mom just ran in my room to ask if she could borrow $20. I got the cover on me fast enough to hide the dildo in my ass but the straps of the lingerie and a hint of the lace on the chest was visible and my mom walked out of the room.

Honestly I didn’t mind giving her the money but she really killed my buzz and I’ll just go ahead and blame her for the Charlie horse I got as I got up from bed.

— FretButtons


My boyfriend and I were in bed watching a movie and I went to the kitchen to get us some ice cream. I pulled out some toppings and saw the Marshmallow Fluff. I added a large glob to a bowl and warmed it in the microwave.

I brought the bowl of Fluff back into the bedroom, and sat on the bed. When he wasn’t looking I smacked him the chest with a handful. He laughed and grabbed the bowl… and we wrestled around the bed and then the floor, smearing ourselves with warm Fluff.

I was on butt naked on the carpet with him on top of me when we realized that the Fluff had quickly hardened. He tried to pull up off of me, but his chest hairs were stuck to my boobs. OUCH. I couldn’t move because my butt was stuck to the carpet. OUCH.

We ended up with bright red welts, and Fluff stuck everywhere. Painfully funny. Pain. Pain. Pain.

— RedheadBanshee


My ex and I once came upon a weird sex toy that was essentially 2 balls with a rope attached. The concept of it was to put one ball in the girl and then pull it out and its supposed to give a good sensation. So we thought, hell why not lets try it.

After doing it a few times I accidentally managed to get both of the balls stuck in her and spent the next 5 minutes trying to get them out with my fingers.

It was a weird experience

— mtownhustler043


I was a horny ass teenager (who wasn’t?) and I wanted to play with myself every chance I got. I experimented with all kinds of stuff like putting things up my ass and or attempting to self suck (eventually that worked). One day I was rummaging through the bathroom drawer and I found an odd syringe that had a roughly perfect size opening at the end of it for my junk. I had a genius idea.

I stuffed myself in to the tip of it and pulled the other end and discovered a make shift penis pump. I did this a few times and was feeling pretty good and hard. It felt great. I was getting eager to blow my load so I extracted my junk to beat off. This is when I discover that my penis was covered in a mega hickey. At the time I had no idea what it was. That hickey lasted for quite a number of days.

I was so fucking scared. I panicked and I had nobody to talk to about it. I was way to embarrassed to tell my folks. I washed the syringe and put it where I found it only to discover later on that it was in fact a breast pump. It was so awkward when I realized what that was really for and how I defiled it.

— unixman84


Had a kinky girlfriend, this is long ago.

She had a drawer full of sex toys. She had a work term and a term off school, so gone effectively 8 months. The drawer stayed as it was when we left it.

She arrives back at school, we happen upon the sex drawer.

Batteries in one of the vibrators must have broke somehow, cause the acid leaked out.

It looks like a small pool of something weird and the bottom of the vibrator felt wet. We couldn’t really get the end off it. So we tossed it, washed our hands.

My guess is that the acid ate away at the bottom of the lube that was beside it. Cause she picked the bottle up, gave it a rinse under the sink, towelled it off. Then when she finally gave it a mighty squeeze during action time, the entire back blew off of the bottle and hit her in the face, and it was raining lube (not as glorious as it sounds).

More funny than anything I guess.

— billbapapa


Very good friend of mine bought one of those “pocket pussies” to use. He was home alone and somehow the suction of it, it got stuck on his dick. He was panicking and did not know what to do. In some bright idea of a moment, he called me and was screaming about the situation. I think because I lived around the corner from him and he said I was the only person close by that he could trust. I head over to his place, and walk into his house. He had a towel around his waist and when he took it off, I saw the pink silicone thing attached to his dick. Laughing ensued for about 5 minutes.

Now we had to think what to do. We tried ice, more lube, this suction was stuck. There was supposed to be a hole on the other end of the thing to prevent the vacuum from happening, but that hole was not there. I ended up getting a razor and ever so carefully slicing the “pocket pussy” off. This was over 10 years ago…I still bust his chops about it.

— mrsheikh


My ex wanted to try the electro-pads so we got going, stick the pads on, and turn it on. All was goin well she was enjoying her self, the sex was great. But, I guess it was a little too stimulating because right when she came she peed all down my lap.

Thought we’d learned and would try it again, yep, more pee.

— treetrollmane


I was with my GF and we lost a little vibrator inside her, and it was on. I was having trouble getting it out of her because it was making her cum hard, and she was writhing around.

She squirted in my face twice during all of this. Through sheer luck while trying to pull it out I turned it off instead. She stopped squirming and was able to catch her breath. I tried to go back in there but she was too sensitive, so we waited a few minutes before I tried again. Eventually I was able to pull it out.

— oshtep TC mark

Ladies Be Warned, 16 Men Share The Red Flags You Should Stay Far Away From

Posted: 06 Nov 2016 05:00 PM PST


1. Prince charming isn’t actually charming.

“If he always says the right thing at the right time, is so charming and plays all his cards right, but you never saw his friends or where he lives, it’s not his first Tango and not his last.”

2. How he treats strangers (especially ones who serve him).

“How does he treat his waiter/bartender. That’s a total stranger. You can get a baseline for his kindness, patience, intolerance, generosity. So many things.”

3. He gets you to take care of him out of pity. .

“If the world seems out to get the poor guy, and you think he needs you, you need to get the fuck out of there. His own choices are causing the chaos and he’ll drag you down with him. Dont date out of pity, boyfriends are not lost puppies that just need a bath and some love to be made whole again.”

4. He hides the fact that he’s in a relationship.

“If he seems to be hiding you or keeping you away from his friends/relatives or keeps making excuses, he’s probably just using you.”

5. He refuses to use condoms.

“If he insist that condoms feel bad and really wants to go bareback even if you’re only dating for a few days/weeks or even just meeting for a hookup : Run as fast as you can.”

6. Bad relationships with other women in their life.

“Feeling anything is owed to them.

A poor relationship with females in their life. If you hear about him having a bad relationship with his mother, sisters, and prior girlfriends, yeah… probably you’re going to be added to that list.

Not respecting their date/girlfriend’s decisions. This doesn’t even have to involve anything sexual, trying to push a date to eat a particular dish after she has said she wanted to eat something else is basic controlling behavior.

And pretty much you can use any of these as red flags in women for men too.”

7. Interacts with women differently when he’s around other men.

“If a guy brags about how big his penis is. If a guy interacts with/speaks of women differently in front of other men in the presence of women. Two big flags for a dick head. No pun intended.”

8. No self-confidence.

“Low self esteem. Want someone that really tries hard? Is doing fine at life, has stayed out of trouble and drama? Has depth, and isn’t easy prey for others? Have I got a deal for you.

It’s great until it isn’t. You can’t fix it, that’s all them. It doesn’t matter if they’re great, they think they are shit. It shifts and changes under their skin. It never leaves them alone, and you’ll always be outside, wondering what the fuck is going on. They will be a stranger to you, because they don’t believe they deserve love, and can’t risk showing their true face.

It’s as crippling as any other disability, but hides so well you probably just think “he’s shy”. Shy doesn’t wreck you, this does.”

9. Only talks to women at parties.

“I’m sure women can see this far sooner than I do, but at parties if a guy is only talking to girls, he didn’t go there to make friends, he went there to get laid. I go to a fair amount of “make new friends” events and there are always some guys who just go from talking to one girl to another and get visibly upset if I so much as try to introduce myself. It’s even worse if he came with friends and then ignores his friends all night, or always tries to one-up them in conversations.”

10. Impulsive.

“Acts impulsively without considering the consequences + doesn’t like the way condoms feel = do not get in bed with this guy.”

11. The charmer.

“Overly charming. Never met an overly charming (always wide smile, kiss ass type, showy) man who wasn’t hiding one or several horrible character flaws.”

12. The ‘Just Friends’ guy isn’t your friend.

“I’ve lost count the amount of times I’ve told a female friend that the guy who is “just a friend” is not actually just a friend. They never believe me, then a few months later he snaps, goes on a NiceGuy tirade, and stops being friends with her. If he constantly wants to hang out with you 1 on 1, is especially nice to you, and does things for you that he wouldn’t normally do for his other friends, chances are he’s not just trying to be a friend.”

13. The manipulator.

“Beware of the manipulator. They come in so many packages but what they do is emotionally and mentally damaging. They know people, they understand what makes them tick. They are usually selfish, incredibly nice and the good manipulator will seem like the perfect gentleman at the beginning. All he’s doing is collecting information. He’s easy to connect with, is kind to strangers.”

14. He’s at your beck and call.

“Capitulating to your wants or needs at every turn at the expense of his own. Neediness alert!”

15. Controlling.

“All the red flags I’ve seen in men…are the same red flags I’ve seen in women too. Untrusting/controlling and manipulative behavior looks the same in both genders and should be handled with care for both.”

16. His friends.

“If his friends are shitty, he is shitty. Also, I hate cheating and cheaters, and will rat them out SO FAST, every time.” TC mark

Here’s How You Can Avoid Dating A Fuckboy, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Posted: 06 Nov 2016 04:00 PM PST


(March 21st to April 19th)

You’re attracted to people who have a thirst for adventure, but this can often lead to you ending up with flighty, restless guys who ghost you the minute things get comfortable or routine-like. Stop letting yourself instantly fall for the mysterious, pioneering types and take your time getting to know them so you can figure out if they’re interested in getting to know you or if they just want to screw around.


(April 20th to May 21st)

It’s great that you want to take care of people, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to be with someone who lets you make all the effort while they give nothing in return. Pay close attention when you’re first getting to know someone and you’ll realize very quickly if they’re treating you like a doormat or if they’re just as happy to take care of you as you are to take care of them.


(May 22nd to June 21st)

Stop falling for the guy who only likes the easy, carefree, “chill” version of you. Because the minute you show the more vulnerable, human side of you, he’s running away because he’s too much of a coward to handle it. A fuckboy will be with you when things are easy, but a genuinely good guy will want to be with you even when everything is not perfect.


(June 22nd to July 22nd)

Trust your gut. You’re intuitive. You can read people a lot better and a lot faster than most people. So if the alarm bells are going off in the beginning, even if you really like the guy, they’re going off for a reason. Cut it off before you get in too deep. Take advantage of your amazing filtering system. You’re lucky to have it.


(July 23rd to August 22nd)

Stop trying to shrink yourself down to make your guy feel more comfortable. A fuckboy will feel insecure about your success, creativity, and endless capabilities. But the right guy will like you even more because of these things. He’ll be comfortable enough with himself to know that being with someone who is smart and successful is a lucky match that he won’t want to throw away.


(August 23rd to September 22nd)

Don’t consistently adjust and rearrange your life just to make everything easier on the guy you’re dating. If you’re constantly stressed under the pressure of feeling like it’s up to you to make things work, you’re with a fuckboy. Relationships are supposed to be 50-50, so if it feels like you’re doing all the work, you’re with the wrong person.


(September 23rd to October 22nd)

Stop worrying about keeping him happy every second of every day. It’s in your nature to charming and fun to be around, but you don’t need to be walking on eggshells around him. If you feel like you can’t relax around him, or that you always have to “not give a fuck” if he wants to get blacked out with his friends every night, it’s a no-brainer. Let him go and find someone who’s actually good enough for you.


(October 23rd to November 22nd)

Don’t make your spark smaller just so that he feels comfortable enough to date you. You’re naturally a very powerful person with a strong presence, and that shouldn’t have to change just because he has low self-esteem. Walk away now, or you’ll spend all of your time trying to trivialize your successes just to make him feel important.


(November 23rd to December 21st)

You need to stop assuming that it’s always going to work out for the best. If he’s treating you poorly, or you’ve been told by multiple people that he’s not exclusive with you, it’s not worth it. Just because you’re an optimistic person doesn’t mean you have to give your whole self to a relationship that’s draining you.


(December 22nd to January 20th)

There’s nothing wrong with being practical or careful when you’re starting something with a new guy. In fact, this is probably the best way for you to avoid falling into something with a fuckboy. Stick to your logical nature and listen to yourself when you have a bad feeling about someone, no matter how charming he might initially seem.


(January 21st to February 18th)

You can be loyal to a fault. If you want to avoid ending up with the wrong kind of guy, remember that they need to be just as loyal to you as you’re willing to be to them. And if he’s ‘not ready to commit’ or ‘just wants to see how things go’ when you’re ready to settle down, there is nothing wrong with loving yourself enough to call it off.


(February 19th to March 20th)

Avoid any dude who’s trying to take advantage of your selflessness. If you’re always dropping everything for him but he makes a big stink out of doing literally anything for you, get out of there as fast as you can, that’s fuckboy territory to the extreme. TC mark

14 People On The Exact Words Their Partner Said That Made Them Finally End Their Relationship

Posted: 06 Nov 2016 03:00 PM PST


“You’re not the type of girl I would usually date, but I was tired of being shallow so I really wanted to give this a try.”


“Maybe you should just manage your hopes a little more and be okay with just having a decent-paying job even if you hate it. I think your expectations for your life are sometimes higher than your potential.”


“Wouldn’t your depression be better if you just tried to be a little happier?”


“You’re not getting paid for it. It’s your hobby, not your career.”


“I mean yeah it’s fine if you’re working right now. But if we have a family down the line, obviously… you would be the one who would need to… be home with them.”


“I don’t understand what the problem with All Lives Matter is.”


“I think people see us as being in ‘different leagues’ and I think maybe that’s why you’re having problems with your self esteem right now.”


“You need to control your emotions. I’m not your fucking therapist.”


“I can’t say that I’m always going to want to only be with you, and it’s unfair that you’re asking me to do so.”


“It’s hard for me when you don’t put any effort into your physical appearance.”


“I’m voting for Trump.”


“Men and women are just better at different things.”


“Anxiety is not a disease or an illness. It’s just an excuse people cling to when they fail or are insecure.”


“Isn’t ‘talking about your feelings’ why you have girlfriends? Can we just talk about this later I’m tired.” TC mark

Here’s The Apology Letter I’m Never Going To Send You

Posted: 06 Nov 2016 02:00 PM PST

Steven Guzzardi
Steven Guzzardi

I’m sorry.

Seven letters, three syllables, two words. Lather, rinse, repeat until you cannot bear them any longer. Hear them, digest them, chew on them, spit them out, mock them, ignore them, do whatever you want with them.

Because no matter your choice, they’re still yours.

I’m sorry.



No bullshit.

I’m sorry for all of it.

For all of the essays, for all of the blame, for all of the screaming I did into the proverbial void. I’m sorry for the silences I should have filled, and for the noise I made that was unnecessary. I’m sorry for the times when I could’ve dialed your number, could have begged you to be there, could have just asked you nicely, and instead did nothing. I’m sorry for when I did act, and I acted badly. I’m sorry for when I let the liquor call the shots instead of being level, being better, being myself.

I’m sorry for not being the person you thought I was.

Do you know how difficult it is for me to love people? I know; the roles in that are often reversed. So often it’s the complicated girl saying, “I know how difficult I am to love.” And I am. I’m messy and bitchy and loud and demanding and difficult, difficult, difficult. But I’m me. And even if no else does,

I love me.

But I don’t often love others. I keep them at a distance. I judge them. I don’t open up the front door all the way and refuse to let them inside. I keep “what ifs” and “maybes” and “almosts” in between us because something with space is easier to handle than something with hard, solid edges.

But I loved you. 

Really. I did.

And not in a fluffy, lace-trimmed, symmetrical, perfectly photgraphable way. I didn’t love you because it was expected. Because it was asked. Because it was easy.

I loved you because I chose to.

Every day, I chose to love you.

And so this is me, saying I’m sorry for not upholding my end of the bargain. 

I said I’d love you no matter what, and somewhere along the lines, I lost it. Yes, I lost us. Yes, I lost you. But I also lost the part of me that loved you so, so, so, so much.

And that, my dear, made me behave really badly. Really vindictively. Really irrationally. Really unforgivably.

So. I’m trying.

I’m trying to dust off the parts of me that I haven’t touched in forever, have ignored for too long, and remember. Instead of focusing on the places where I needed to be stitched up to heal, I’m focusing on the fact that there’s barely a scar. Instead of spitting, “Well he did this,” I’m trying to say more levelly, “But he loved like this.” Instead of placing blame, I’m trying to present both sides.

Instead of saying, “I hate you,” I’m trying find where, “I remember I loved you,” fits in its place.

So this. This is what I’ll say.

I’m sorry.

Seven letters, three syllables, two words. I’ll repeat them until they start to sound like mushy, incoherent words and not a complete, full thought-out sentence. I’ll keep saying them until they stop feeling foreign, and instead roll off the tongue effortlessly. I’ll say them until I’m blue in the face, out of breath, sick of hearing myself sounding like an apologetic record over and over and over again.

I’ll keep saying those words until you hear them, and actually believe them.

Because I am.

I’m sorry.

I am… TC mark

25 Things I Still Don’t Have Figured Out At 25 (And That’s Okay)

Posted: 06 Nov 2016 01:00 PM PST

 Alivia Latimer
Alivia Latimer

In exactly one point five months, I will turn twenty-five.

For some reason, this birthday feels particularly significant to me. 25 was always the age at which I assumed I’d have everything figured out. I’d be a high-powered career woman, making bank in the big city. Or I’d be a stable wife and mother, capable of keeping other humans alive.

I didn’t expect to be where I am at 25 – working a cool job, living in a cool city and generally supporting myself without issue – but still lost on a lot of small-scale things. Still struggling to figure a lot out. And still discovering new things about myself with an alarming frequency.

I’d say I wish I had more figured out as I approach a quarter of a century – but if I’m being entirely honest, that’s a lie. It’s ultimately the not-knowing that keeps things interesting. And so here is a non-comprehensive list of the things I still don’t have figured out at 25 – to remind you that it’s okay if you don’t, either.

1. How to cook anything more complicated than eggs. Or, how to stop spending $20 a day on fancy salads because my metabolism can't process mac'n'cheese the way it used to. Maybe I'm just supposed to marry someone who can cook? Does that count as a way out of this mess?

2. How to be a good daughter, to my parents who are getting older and going through challenges of their own. I'm not sure how to be someone my family can count on for support, while also being someone who still needs to call her mom and cry sometimes. Because we never stop being our parents children. No matter how badly we want them to know that we have grown up and are doing okay on our own.

3. What I want out of a relationship. Whether I'm ready to be in it for the long haul or if I still want five more years to be on my own. Whether I want lovers for a decade or only for a night or two at most. Whether I'll ever be sure. Whether I just haven’t met the right person yet, or whether investing in love is just a decision I’m going to have to put on my big-girl pants and make one day.

4. How to live consistently, rather than in bursts of six months of productivity and inventiveness and then six months of reclusiveness and reflection. How to manage my energy and life plans like an adult, rather than a child who runs in circles for hours and then wears himself out and needs a nap (but like, for months at a time).

5. How to ask for help or admit weakness when I just can't figure things out on my own. How to still respect myself if I do accept help from other people. How to respect myself more, even, for doing so.

6. How to put together furniture that doesn't fall apart. I think you're supposed to superglue it as well as nail it into place if you get it from Ikea? That sounds vaguely like some rule my dad taught me, which I promptly never followed, and now my dresser drawers fall out of my dresser once a week. But no, mom and dad, I'm not asking a BOY to come help me fix it. Because I'm a feminist. Just a lazy one, who has a lot of socks on the floor right now.

7. How to define my sexuality. Or whether I even NEED to define it, or if I'm just allowed to let it be this fluid and changing and sometimes very confusing thing. Whether any of us owe ourselves or one another those labels at all.

8. How to let happiness be louder than pride. Or, how to let myself make uncool and unimpressive decisions that may cause me to be judged by others, because those decisions are what I actually need to feel fulfilled in life. On my own terms. Not anybody else's.

9. How to be a good aunt to my niece as she grows up, even when I don't have all of my own stuff figured out. How to be someone I'd be proud to have someone else look up to – particularly someone whom I love to pieces and want only the absolute best for.

10. How to drink responsibly instead of abstaining from alcohol for months at a time and then binging on it. How to drink without needing a full day to recover afterwards because my body is just not nineteen anymore.

11. How to fall out of love with people and actually move on with my life, instead of romanticizing all my ex-partners and refusing to give anyone new a fighting chance. How to empty those rooms in my heart that are too filled up with the past to let the present in.

12. How to mail things. I am twenty-five and I don't know where the nearest post office is and to be honest I'm pretty sure I'll never know. Does mail even still exist? Besides Amazon prime, I mean?

13. How to prioritize money. Is it more worthwhile to get my own apartment or go on a trip once a year? Is it better to live in a thriving city or have a padded saving fund? Somehow each choice feels just a little bit wrong when you stop to consider its opportunity cost and I can’t seem to work out what the right answer is.

14. How to network in a way that is professional but also genuine. Or at least, how to not visibly shudder every time I hear the word 'networking' said aloud.

15. How to be a good friend to the people I don't see every day. How to support people emotionally when there's a physical distance between us, and how to balance those long-distance relationships with the ones in my immediate environment.

16. How to dress myself so that I look like a human being, and not an eighteen-year-old who just bought all the cheapest things they could find at H&M, none of which are flattering, stylish or even remotely say 'I'm trying to be taken seriously.'

17. How to like myself when I am not at my best, instead of holding myself to ridiculous standards and only being kind to myself when I fleetingly meet them. How to let myself just be the best worst version of myself sometimes, because it's impossible to always be on top.

18. How to like people a normal amount, instead of liking them WAY too much right away and then waking up one morning and suddenly feeling nothing for them ever again. Maybe because my brain is already too full of all the people I once loved and can’t let go of. I'm not really sure how that works. But it seems as though the success of my future relationships hinges on me figuring it out.

19. Where to put all of my existential angst. Do I write it out? Run it off? Distract myself from it with a series of arbitrary goals that don't give me time to consider why we're here and where we're going and what the point of it all is? Still unsure about the protocol here.

20. How to toe the fine line between asking for what I want and demanding things I don't necessarily deserve. How to understand what the word 'deserve' even means, for that matter.

21. How to slow down and appreciate life as it's happening, instead of frantically rushing through it. Because I think that's how you wake up one morning fifty years from now, realizing you missed out on all the things that actually mattered as they were happening. Or as they could have happened, had you been present for them.

22. How to master winged eyeliner without smudging it all over my face and looking like a hungover raccoon by mid-afternoon.

23. How to love my body, even when it doesn't look the way I want it to or act the way I wish it would or snap back into shape the way it did when I was eighteen years old. How to appreciate the fact that it keeps me alive and that's pretty damn cool, if nothing else.

24. How to forgive myself for all the things I didn't figure out sooner.

25. What the hell it means to be 25. What I'm supposed to have figured out by now and what it's okay to put off until later. What I may spend my entire life trying to figure out. And what will, eventually, with time, become clearer – because at the end of the day, there’s still so, so much time left to keep learning.TC mark

If You’re Going To Fall In Love, Fall For The Person Who Terrifies You

Posted: 06 Nov 2016 12:00 PM PST

Yaoqi LAI
Yaoqi LAI

Life is too short to settle for anything less than big and beautiful love, too short to go for the 'right' girl, or the guy that you're 'supposed to be with.' Life is too short to settle, to be unhappy, to sit around wishing for more or wondering if this is as good as it gets.

Life is too short to fall for people who don't love you loudly, or for relationships that don't set fire to your soul.

Our time on this earth is impermanent, and in the short years we must love fearlessly.

The best person for you is not always going to toe the line. He or she won't come wrapped in a perfect package with a neatly-tied bow. He or she won't smile politely or never speak out of turn or step aside to let you win every argument.

The person you're meant to be with is not stoic and one-dimensional, seeing you as the center of the universe and bending his or her ways to accommodate yours.

The person you're meant to be with will challenge you, will push you, will make you crazy and happy and confused, and show you what real, complicated love is.

The person you're meant to be with will terrify you because they make you feel something.

So this is what you need to know about love—you must always chase the person who scares you. Don't settle for comfort because it's familiar. Don't be content with what you know because there's a world out there waiting for you. And life's too short not to pursue that.

Fall for the person who terrifies you because they have new ways of looking at the world, because they are different, because there is some unexplainable connection that is pulling you back to him or her, no matter how much you try to deny it.

Fall for the person who terrifies you because you feel something when you look into his or her eyes. and because scary is a change, a challenge, and both of those things will help you grow.

Fall for the person who terrifies you because what the hell else is our purpose on this earth than to love and love foolishly, fearlessly, fully?

Life is too short to hold yourself back from feeling something deeply. Life's too short to deny your heart the pleasure of falling into someone, and giving them your soul. Life's too short to pretend that you'll find love where it's comfortable and easy, because in all reality, love will never be easy. And that's the most beautiful part.

Life's too short not to pursue people that scare you, because those people are the ones who will change your life. And we're all searching for that love that will alter our entire lives.

It's waiting for you, go get it. TC mark

101 Life Lessons I’m Taking With Me Into 2017

Posted: 06 Nov 2016 11:00 AM PST


1. Nightmares can come true just as much as dreams do if you let your fears guide you internally.

2. When you are busy, your heart will shout things to you and you may ignore these cries for help. These screams will be likely to show up in your more subconscious dreams as skits.

3. Mistakes are a blessing because they help you grow.

4. Any mentor in your life who aggravates you may be an angel sent to you in disguise.

5. Everything happens FOR you, not to you.

6. When you ignore your gut instinct, the same burning truth gets exposed to you a second time.

7. There will always be someone to disagree with you, especially if your idea is bigger than their typical thought process.

8. We are all searching for things we already have.

9. You get what you generally give.

10. Reflect after reacting.

11. Don't ever beg for someone to want you the way that you want them.

12. Continue growing or people will grow out of you.

13. What you see with your eyes does not tell every detail of every story.

14. Being impulsive is a choice to fulfill your own urge of release without considering other people's feelings.

15. People can care about you to an extent and will give you advice on survival but only you can give yourself the things that your heart harasses you about throughout your day(s).

16. Most of the time people do mean what they say but feelings change.

17. Space is necessary and should be embraced.

18. Time and space can will give you the answers you've been looking for.

19. Holding on can be more painful than letting go.

20. Everything and everyone contributes to our roads of self-discovery.

21. Self-discovery is offered to us in many different situations or conversations.

22. Certain people trigger certain traits of yourself.

23. There is a little bit of you in everyone. Everyone has a little bit of you.

24. A lot of things wouldn't bother you if you didn't focus on how someone else might feel. (Guilt)

25. Some people just stop talking to you because you remind them of someone they are trying to forget. You can't control that.

26. Some people use you for comfort then secretly disappear and that doesn't make them the Satanic. You helped them grow or realize something.

27. Some people want to be used for their comfort to feel more like a value of importance or a part of something big. It's like being a hero.

28. Healthy relationships help motivate structure. (This can be a romantic relationship but most importantly, the relationship you have and maintain with yourself.)

29. Abusive relationships show you the things about yourself that you need to work on.

30. Abusive relationships also test your will power and resilience.

31. Everything is perception.

32. Everything you say or declare which is right, is indeed correct.

33. Be careful with what you solidify.

34. People generally want something to complain about.

35. People want to hear you complain because "Misery Loves Company'.

36. The people that only come alive when you talk negatively are toxic people. (Hypothetically they may or may not see themselves as a hero to save you and that can be linked to having low self-esteem.)

37. People with low self-esteem feel useful when they are the one(s) that are there for you when no-one else is.

38. A person who will bring up how they were there for you when nobody else was to win an argument or feel superior (just because they are not quickly receiving what they want from you) is typically committing abusive behavior.

39. You can disrespect someone or degrade someone without using actual curse words.

40. You can be superior of your life without insulting others.

41. Most work industries promote the opposite of what they truly are about daily.

42. Some people end up being what you made them out to be.

43. We all need an outlet.

44. Art is everywhere, as well as inspiration.

45. The world is not black and white. It's multi colored and has colors you don't even know the names of.

46. It is not just the message you are delivering, it's the way you deliver the message because your tone matters.

47. One sentence can ruin or taint a bond permanently.

48. An alcohol or drug addiction can be at a mild level or an extreme level. (You might not need a shot of tequila in the morning but you might think you need 4-6 glasses of wine every night.)

49. We can reward ourselves in creative and sober ways.

50. I cannot speak for everyone and list every reason but sometimes we become addicted to substances because we feel like we have nobody open-minded enough to talk to.

51. Drugs can help us take a short-cut into our subconscious.

52. What you don't want to hear is what you may need to hear.

53. We don't realize how much our words and actions can affect others.

54. With some people, the less you are around them, the better.

55. People warn you about other people but in the end, we are all People.

56. Assumptions are a short cut instead of directly asking.

57. You become what you obsess over.

58. You become who you hate.

59. You become your thoughts.

60. You can make yourself sick.

61. Sometimes when you see someone directly go into another relationship after leaving their last relationship, you may view it as fast or "jumping" but don't forget that people stay in relationships after they don't want to anymore. The process of getting over someone was probably already happening during the relationship.

62. We are given the opportunity every second to create ourselves into a whole new person.

63. Some of us are addicted to drama at a certain level and don't fully realize it.

64. Sometimes you don't need to think a long time to decide because your heart and/or gut already knew the answers.

65. I consider "friends" a distraction if our goals are not similar or if they do not stimulate my growth.

66. Learning is an unlimited process.

67. You can be 42 and learn something new from a 7-year-old. You just need to be humble enough to listen.

68. If you are not humble enough then situations will occur in your life to bring you back down to earth and that is why I said up above that "Everything happens for you, not to you".

69. Gods are always trying to send you messages.

70. Sometimes it's easier to tell a stranger your biggest secrets.

71. Someone you've only known for three days can break your heart.

72. Someone you just met can do more for you than someone you've known your whole life.

73. The universe thrives off energy so drink coffee and get shit done.

74. When alcohol or weed is in your system, it gives you vague or false perceptions of a bond with someone that FEELS real.

75. If you don't take responsibility for your actions and play victim, then you will stay a victim of your life. You will stay the passenger seat of you're the vehicle you finance.

76. Blaming others for your life's circumstances is the easy way out.

77. Being drunk once felt fun because it helped me procrastinate.

78. Alcohol helped me accept the things I haven't accomplished yet and made me okay with it.

79. Try not to make any important decisions under the influence of any external substance.

80. Everything connects and everything matters.

81. We either have multiple soul mates depending on who we're becoming or what's convenient for our life at the time or "Soul Mate" is merely a perception or fantasy and merely does not exist.

82. Eating clean helps me listen to my body and my mind more. (This is more of a realization)

83. The person who tries to make the "bad guy" look like the "bad guy" most likely the bad guy.

84. Typically, females should take precautions because they are often victimized into situations where a male is in love with the idea of the female rather than her imperfections, growth, emotions and time.

85. Be in a relationship with someone who can admit when they’re wrong, to make your life easier. If otherwise, prepare yourself for Emotional Hell and earlier gray hairs.

86. People will look for excuses to not be in a relationship if they truly do not want to be in one.

87. There are situations out there bigger than your feelings.

88. If you don’t make your dreams come true, then you are more likely to resent your children or your spouse for your lack of action. (I am not saying this is right, I am just simply stating that I’ve seen it happen multiple times) For example, Mother says: “If I never had kids, I could have been a flight attendant”.

89. Don’t give a boy or a man your all, all at once. (A guy himself gave me this advice)

90. Silence beats ignorance.

91. Too much silence creates assumptions, which creates tension and misunderstandings.

92. People tend to over rate themselves.

93. People respond better to love.

94. A high level of professionalism will attract business opportunities to you quickly.

95. Good memory is an advantage in the business world.

96. Writing things down improves memory.

97. If you don’t start planning or decorating your life, then someone else will do it for you.

98. Whatever brings you happiness may not be the same recipe or formula for another person’s joy.

99. We all have different callings.

100. We all typically categorize people by their words, tones and appearance because it seems easier than getting to know them within time.

101. We are given the opportunity every second to create ourselves into a whole new person. TC mark

What’s The Opposite Of The INFJ ‘Doorslam’? The Fi ‘Repulsion Switch’

Posted: 06 Nov 2016 10:00 AM PST

 punkcake__ /
punkcake__ /

The INFJ doorslam has been widely discussed and accepted within the MBTI community. However, this phenomenon is not exclusive to INFJs – any type with extroverted feeling in the dominant or auxiliary position is likely to employ this technique. Once extroverted feeling has given tirelessly to someone for long enough, it is likely to make the snap decision to cut that person out for good if they are not appreciative of the Fe user’s investment.

Which raises the question – which techniques do Fi users (INFPs, ISFPs, ENFPs and ESFPs) employ that justifies their own hot-and-cold relationship behaviors? These types are more interested in forming an intimate emotional connection than they are in giving to their partners in a concrete way. But many an Fi user has also been known to cut someone out of their lives without warning. And there’s a reason for this.

One that can be explained through the 5 stages of the “Fi Repulsion Switch.”

Here’s the breakdown of how it happens.

Stage 1: Meeting and Idealizing

Fi users are known for their tendency to idealize others. When an INFP, ENFP, ISFP or ESFP first meets and takes kindly to a new person, they are highly likely to put him or her on a pedestal – regarding only their best qualities and even inventing and embellishing on the person’s positive traits internally. These types are prone to experiencing intense periods of infatuation (platonic or romantic in nature) with new people, and for a while, the Fi-user is likely to perceive their new friend or love interest as almost perfect.

Stage 2: Repressed frustrations and justifications

As the Fi-user gets to know the new person better, they are bound to become frustrated with them in small ways. Rather than reconciling these frustrations and learning to see both the good and the bad in their new interest, the Fi-user is likely to idealize even their flaws. They may chalk a love interest’s jealous tendencies up to them caring a lot about the relationship, or turn a blind eye to the person’s day-to-day habits that secretly drive them crazy.

During the justification phase, the Fi-user is subconsciously struggling to maintain their idealized version of the person they’re involved with, while consciously facing the reality of who they are. Naturally, a great deal of internal emotional tension begins to develop within the Fi-user during this phase. They may find themselves having to go to further and further lengths to maintain their perception of the other person as virtually flawless.

Stage 3: A Random Incident Flips The Repulsion Switch

It could be an isolated case of bad breath. An embarrassing social interaction. Or a simple story being told for the umpteenth time. But once the Fi-user has been internally repressing frustration for long enough, even the simplest interaction can cause the repulsion switch to flip without warning. And once it does, all the frustrations that the Fi-user has been repressing come pouring through their mind at once.

Stage 4: Being repulsed by EVERYTHING

Once the repulsion switch is flipped, the Fi-user is suddenly frustrated, annoyed, even repulsed by virtually everything the opposing party does. They may suddenly cringe at the way the other person walks, talks, makes decisions and generally behaves. At this phase, it often feels as though the other person cannot even breath in a non-repulsive manner. The Fi-user can shift – seemingly in an instant – from finding everything the other person does to be wonderful, to finding everything they do to be almost unbearably annoying. They will likely find it difficult to even be in the opposing party’s presence during this phase.

Stage 5: Reconciliation or deterioration

Once the repulsion switch is flipped in the Fi-user, it can be difficult to reconcile the relationship. Many romantic relationships deteriorate at this phase, as the Fi-user suddenly finds that they are no longer attracted to their partner.

On the flip side, the Fi user may take some time away from the relationship to process their frustrations, then return to it with a more realistic view of their partner. The flipping of the repulsion switch may actually benefit the relationship in the long run, as it causes the Fi-user to stop idealizing their friend or partner, and face the reality of who they are.

Of course, the repulsion switch does not get flipped in every relationship an Fi-user has. It generally occurs when the Fi-user is trying to justify a shortcoming in the relationship, which would ultimately cause it to deteriorate whether the repulsion switch were flipped or not. In many ways, this switch is just waking the Fi-user up to reality – in a rude and unfortunately abrupt fashion. TC mark

Get Heidi’s new book “The Comprehensive INFP Survival Guide” here.


How To Tell The Difference Between An ENFP And An ESFP

Posted: 06 Nov 2016 09:00 AM PST


Both ESFPs an ENFPs are warm, enthusiastic ‘people-people’ who strive to inspire those around them to reach their full potential. Flexible, creative and emotionally intelligent in nature, it’s easy to mistake these two look-alike types for one another.

Because these types share a decision-making axis (both using introverted feeling and extroverted thinking to reach decisions), they often behave in highly similar ways. However, their internal thought processes are surprisingly different – with the ESFP using extroverted sensing and introverted intuition to perceive the world around them, and the ENFP using extroverted intuition and introverted sensing.

Without diving too deeply down the rabbit-hole of cognitive functions (which can sometimes add to the confusion more than it aids it), here are a few key differences between how these two highly similar types process the world around them.

1. ESFPs want to analyze their feelings and the feelings of others in depth. ENFPs want to analyze the nature of life, the Universe and everything in depth.

2. ESFPs get to know new people by swapping stories about each others pasts and coming to understand which experiences have led that person to where they are today. ENFPs get to know new people by sharing their perceptions and ideas with them, and coming to understand which psychological influences are guiding that person’s understanding of the world.

3. ESFPs are highly in tune with the world around them, and may pause in the middle of a conversation to point out something that’s happening in their periphery. ENFPs often zone out of their physical environments and regularly fail to notice environmental details or events that are going on around them.

4. ESFPs analyze things by contrasting facts and determining which one is the most useful, or makes the most sense in a given situation. ENFPs analyze things by questioning the nature of facts and searching for possible alternate explanations for why things happen the way they do.

5. ESFPs want to be recognized for their accomplishments, and are quick to draw attention to what they’re doing in life. ENFPs want to be recognized for their thoughts and ideas, and are quick to draw attention to what they’re thinking about in life.

6. ESFPs enjoy talking at length about what’s happening in the here-and-now and what is likely to develop surrounding current events (‘Did you hear about this new app? I wonder if it’s going to be successful.’), ENFPs like to talk about what could happen in the future, regardless of whether or not it is likely to develop (‘What do you guys think about AIs gaining complexity and taking over society? Do you think they could be better rulers than humans? Why not, though?’).

7. ESFPs need alone time to recharge from activities and decide how they feel about what’s going on in their lives. ENFPs need alone time to formulate future plans and discern the greater universal meaning behind what’s going on in their lives.

8. ESFPs inspire others by sharing stories about where they’ve been and helping others to realize which similar paths may help them achieve their own desires. ENFPs inspire others by sharing the life lessons they’ve learned and encouraging people to incorporate them into their understanding of the world.

9. ESFPs are energized by deep, lengthy conversations about people and what makes them tick. ENFPs are energized by deep, lengthy conversations about the nature of reality, society and the world, and what makes it tick.

10. ESFPs are adept at maintaining a wide circle of friends and acquaintances whom they can reach out to, though they tend to have a core inner circle whom they spend the most time with. ENFPs often struggle to maintain a wide circle of connections, as they enjoy the company of new people, but rarely feel understood or seen for who they truly are by anyone other than a select core group of people.

11. ESFPs are often driven to help as many people as possible, by providing them with emotional guidance and practical support to help them get to where they want to go in life. ENFPs are more likely to focus on helping the people they know well, by getting to understand them deeply and empowering them to harness their inner strengths.

12. ESFPs may be quick to adapt themselves to others’ way of thinking or doing things in order to avoid conflict. ENFPs are often stubborn to a fault and would usually rather terminate a relationship than abandon or neglect a crucial part of their identity for the sake of harmony.

13. ESFPs enjoy their adventures the most as they’re happening in real time. ENFPs enjoy their adventures the most either before they happen – while they’re envisioning the possibilities of what COULD happen – or after they’ve happened, when they’re able to enjoy reflecting on them.

14. ESFPs often harness their creativity by developing skills in art, music or similar creative fields that allow them to communicate the way they’re feeling and experiencing life. ENFPs often harness their creativity by coming up with new, completely unprecedented ways of doing things, in both art and their everyday lives.

15. ESFPs strive to feel at peace and in harmony with their environments and can usually adapt themselves to any new scenario. ENFPs can adapt themselves on the surface but often feel out of sync with their environments, and may come across as angsty or broody to others when they’re low on energy.

16. ESFPs plan which activities they’ll partake in based on whether or not they think they’ll enjoy them, and they seek out novelty as a means of not getting bored. ENFPs plan which activities they’ll partake in based on whether or not it will provide them with new mental ‘fodder’ and seek out novelty because experiencing things from different angles helps them to form a more comprehensive worldview.

17. ESFPs experience life externally and crave alone time predominantly as a means of recuperating their energy. ENFPs experience life predominantly inside their own minds and often misidentify as introverts.

18. Above all else, ESFPs are looking for the ‘what‘ in life – what’s happening, what’s changing, what’s going on or coming up next. On the flip side, ENFPs are constantly examining the ‘why‘s in life – why things happen the way they do, why we make the choices we make and ultimately, why we’re here at all. TC mark

Pick up a copy of “The Comprehensive ENFP Survival Guide” here.