Thought Catalog


The Right Guy Will Tell You Your Vagina’s Beautiful

Posted: 07 Nov 2016 08:30 PM PST

Photo by OnaArtist.com
Photo by OnaArtist.com

The right guy will ache to bury his face between your thighs. He will consider it an honor to see, touch, taste, and smell every inch of your naked body, especially your vagina.

The right guy will be overwhelmed by your “lady parts” in the best way possible. And he will tell you as much.

The right guy won't let you feel an ounce of insecurity about your vagina. Before you can even entertain a shred of doubt that your vagina is anything but devastatingly beautiful, he will reassure you of its perfect. He will pause to appreciate the beauty of every fold before he fingers you or eats you out. He will take a deep breath and inhale your scent, marveling at his good fortune to be in the presence of such greatness. He will lick your clitoris with purpose and penetrate you with his fingers as if it were his duty to make you orgasm. Because it is.

The right guy will embrace the opportunity to give you pleasure with courage and determination. He will not assume from the start that he's programmed with special knowledge or the proper experience to get you off, or boast about his prowess in bed. He will understand and appreciate that your vagina is a bit of an enigma—different from any other woman's—and that he must treasure your uniqueness and embrace the process of figuring your body out. He will look forward to the challenge of unlocking your vagina's secrets—to earning the privilege of giving you unforgettable, mind-blowing pleasure. And he will not be afraid to work hard toward that end.

The right guy will do whatever it takes to satisfy you sexually. He will study your body's responses to every move he makes, noting each slight twist of your pelvis and each subtle moan and groan. He will ask you questions before, after, and during sex. He will touch base about his performance as often as possible, welcoming tips, tricks, and constructive criticism. But he will never pressure you to speak up. And when he fails to make you orgasm, he won't blame you for being difficult or shame you for not climaxing. He will listen to the guidance you offer and incorporate every precious piece of advice into his strategies moving forward.

The right guy will never take sex for granted. He will watch you undress as he reclines in bed and beg you to inch your way over to him just so he can kiss you between the legs. He will always want to go down on you. The right guy will worship your naked body, inside and out, from head to vagina. TC mark

Don’t Let Him Screw You Over In These 11 Shitty Ways During Sex

Posted: 07 Nov 2016 08:00 PM PST

Noah Kalina
Noah Kalina

1. Only he orgasms. Even if he can’t stop himself from climaxing first, there’s nothing stopping him from going down on you or using his hands (or a vibrator) to finish you off. It’s not fair for you to be left sexually frustrated when he gets to fall asleep satisfied.

2. You do all the work. There’s nothing wrong with occasionally getting on top and letting him relax, but that shouldn’t be happening every single time. Why should you be forced to exert all your energy? There are more positions than cowgirl and reverse cowgirl. Try them out.

3. He guilts you into giving sexual favors. You don’t owe him anything–not a blowjob or even a kiss. You get to decide if you want to make him orgasm after he asks. You both have a say in the matter.

4. He never goes down on you. If you can put up with the taste of his sweat and the smell of his balls, he can deal with a little licking. It’s not fair for you to go down on him every day of your period when he never goes down on you. Sex is all about reciprocation.

5. He skips foreplay. Men like tight vaginas, but guess what? A tight vagina is an unhappy, dry, non-turned-on vagina. It’s not fair for him to have a fun time while you’re wincing in pain, so make sure you let him know that foreplay isn’t an option. It’s a necessity.

6. He purposely tricks you. “Just the tip” is a lie. Cuddling naked, just so he can “feel your skin against his” is usually a lie. Don’t let him trick you into having sex when you’re not in the mood. No means no.

7. He takes advantage of you. Just because you consented to sex doesn’t mean you consented to him doing whatever the hell he wants. If you told him no anal or no choking, then he should abide by those rules, just like you’d abide by whatever restrictions he set.

8. He doesn’t respect your wishes. If you want him to wear a condom, then he should wear a condom. You’re not going to enjoy yourself if you’re worrying about catching something. Don’t compromise when it comes to protection.

9. He makes you feel shitty. Sex is meant to be empowering. If he comments on your tummy or your tits in a negative way, then he doesn’t deserve to see you naked. Go find someone that appreciates your beauty.

10. He doesn’t care about the clean up. If you’re in his apartment and let him ejaculate into (or onto) you, then he should at least give you something to clean yourself off with. It’s the least he could do. If he leaves you hanging, he’s an asshole.

11. He only wants sex. If you agreed to keep things casual, great. But if you made it clear you’re looking for a relationship, he shouldn’t kick you out without cuddling. If he does, then he’s clearly not the type of person you should continue sleeping with. TC mark

27 Subtly Suggestive ‘Good Morning’ Texts That Will Make Your Man Think About You All Day Long

Posted: 07 Nov 2016 07:00 PM PST

Ieva Urenceva
Ieva Urenceva

1. Wish I was waking up with you inside me.

2. I’m super horny this morning.

3. I woke up before my alarm went off. Just enough time to get off before I have to start getting ready…

4. I had a nasty dream about you last night.

5. Wish I could turn your morning wood into something real right about now.

6. Somehow I know I’m going to be daydreaming about your body all day at work.

7. Wish I was waking you up with a blow job right now?

8. I couldn’t control myself this morning when I woke up thinking about you.

9. About to get in the shower, want to join me?

10. I love waking up naked. If only you were here to enjoy the view.

11. It’s so early, and yet I already wish you were fucking me.

12. I woke up early because I was already excited to jump your bones tonight.

13. Too bad I have to get dressed…

14. I dreamed about how sexy you sound when I make you cum.

15. I wish I could make you cum before work today.

16. I woke up craving you.

17. All night I dreamed about your tongue.

18. Even just dreaming of you makes me wet.

19. I woke up impatient because I already can’t wait to do dirty stuff to you tonight.

20. My tits felt lonely this morning.

21. Is there room in your bed for me?

22. I woke up with a bunch of dirty ideas about what we should do tonight.

23. Too bad I’m not waking up with your cum inside me.

24. My bed is lonely without your cock.

25. I woke up wet for you.

26. My nipples seem extra hard this morning.

27. Here’s a picture of how I woke up. Tell me what you’d do to me. TC mark

‘Don’t Be A Wife To A Boyfriend’: 10 Lessons I Learned When I Was Single

Posted: 07 Nov 2016 06:00 PM PST

@criene
@criene

People often ask me questions about dating, love and relationships and I had an epiphany about my own single life when I was still single and dating. In my latest book, Don't Be A Wife To A Boyfriend: 10 Lessons I Learned When I Was Single, I share some of my experiences as a single woman and reflect on some of the decisions I made and the growth that took place, with the hope that I will inspire others going through similar situations.

Now, after recently celebrating seven years of marriage, I felt led to share something passionate, real and from my heart for my single sisters but in a shorter format. I don't claim to have an answer for every question, and even as a happily married woman, I'm still learning. However, I'm older now and have learned a great deal through my personal experiences and even through the experiences of others.

Of course I could go on for days, but for now I decided I'd share with you my personal top 10 list.

1. Practice self-love before you accept love from someone else.

It's difficult to love someone else if you can't first love yourself. Usually the way we allow others to treat us is a reflection of how much, or how little, we love and value ourselves. I realized a long time ago that my unhealthy search for love was because of my own lack of self-love and self-esteem. I relied on others to do what I couldn't do for myself. Learn how to be single and satisfied so you don't end up totally dependent on someone else.

2. Let it Flow.

"Every potential date is not a potential mate." We don't have to be so serious so soon especially if it's only been a few months, let alone a few weeks. I used to think, "Oh, since the date went well then maybe he's my husband," or I would obsess about the status of our relationship only after a short time. Sometimes we psych ourselves out of a good thing by trying to force something to happen, and sometimes it's a turn-off to guys. Just let the conversations and natural progression of the relationship flow. That's not to say that you should wait on someone forever; but if it feels right and it's flowing right, then play it cool and let it happen.

3. Don't think of him as a piece of clay that you can mold into what you want him to be.

"How can I get him to go to church?" "How can I get him to settle down?" I'm a living witness that people can in fact transform their lives over time. Understand, however, we can only change those things we have the power to change. While we have the power to influence change, we can never force change.

When I first started dating my husband, he wasn't going to church or as spiritually connected to God as he is now, but I didn't harass him or force him to do anything because we all have different journeys. I just prayed for him, talked to him about certain things and ultimately he made the decision to make some changes.

If someone keeps saying they're going to do things differently but you're not seeing the modifications, that could mean it's time for you to change your role in the situation instead of wasting your energy trying to change them. At the end of the day, if he's really into you and wants to keep you, then he will prove it to you – not just through his words but through his actions.

4. Don't expect different results using the same habits.

In the past, I found myself repeating this pattern over and over – dating the same type of guy and/or doing the same type of things. Sometimes when you're used to being treated a certain way, you start to think that's how it's supposed to be or believe that's what you deserve. But when I started dating my husband, I decided to do things differently and refused to accept anything less than what I deserved. Basically, I made him work for my love. Like they say, "the woman you want is usually the one you have to work for."

5. Make yourself a priority while you can.

Don't allow your single status to keep you stagnant. Invest in yourself and your relationship with God. Invest in your career, your future and your brand. Invest in your physical, mental and emotional well-being. Invest in something fun; travel or see the world! That's not to say that you can't when you're married, but just like the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 7, "…An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband…" So, while you have the opportunity and the time, focus on what you can do right now as a single woman.

6. Don't make excuses for people who need to be excused out of your life.

There are two types of people you should apply this to: 1) Dead Weight – the ones who seem to stay around but constantly hurt or mistreat you or bring you down (they make more deposits than withdrawals), and 2) Pop-ups – the ones who stay running in and out of your life when it's convenient for them but they're never consistent. Unless you're content with these situations or aren't really looking to settle down, then you will find yourself hopelessly waiting or chasing. You will be waiting on them to get it together and come back, or you will be chasing after people who aren't chasing after you. Trust me, I've had to use the "block" and "delete" functions on my phone to ensure I didn't keep falling back into the trap and answer their calls or respond to their text messages. Sometimes you have to take extreme measures when you know you can't trust yourself to resist and to show yourself, and others, just how committed you are to moving on.

7. Don't be a wife to a boyfriend.

"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" It's an old saying but it still holds true today. For some of us, it's natural to want to take care of our boyfriends and show them how good of a wife we could be if they chose us, but be careful giving away too much too soon. I used to give of myself so freely, both physically and mentally, and to people who usually didn't deserve it. Relationships should be 100/100 – each person giving a 100%. However, if you give up too much too soon without any reciprocation, then he stands to benefit the most and you risk losing everything; only to end up with heartache and disappointment.

8. Don't confuse love with lust.

Many of us have ruined countless relationships or ended up with broken hearts because somewhere along the way we concluded the presence of sex automatically meant the presence of love. Trust me, physical appeal, sex and intimacy – they all matter, but don't allow physical attraction to become a major distraction.

I know without a shadow of a doubt, much of my past hurt and pain was due in part because I either gave it up too soon or I assumed that he would love me because I had sex with him. Sometimes, you have to discern between what feels good to you versus what is good for you. Thankfully, you get the best of both worlds when you experience real love, but that's not always the case if you're with someone who isn't meant for you. Don't overlook future necessities just to satisfy your present desires and don't confuse love with lust.

9. Nothing happens overnight. Things take time.

For some people it can take a few tries, a few months, a few years or even what may seem like a lifetime. I've learned that you can't rush love and I didn't go from being single to married overnight. I had pain before pleasure and heartache before happiness but in the end real love came along. It may sound cliche, but what God has for you is for you and if it's in His will for your life (whether married, single, etc.), it will come to pass. Through my own experience and the experiences of others, I have learned that the moment we stop worrying and looking, is usually the very moment when it happens.

10. Don't be that girl – "over thirty and worried."

There's something about turning thirty. It's like a switch goes off and tells us that we have to become obsessed and evaluate our lives and analyze the progress we've made, or lack thereof, as it relates to relationships, careers and family. I will admit that oftentimes it's brought on by the pressure of society, but sometimes we place the pressure on ourselves.

Realize, however, that you can be any age (20, 30, 40, 50 and so on) – and still have the "over thirty and worried" mindset. It's the woman who is OVERLY obsessed with trying to find a man or CONSTANTLY sad about not having one. So she finds herself desperate, settling and/or overwhelmed with sadness because she's so consumed thinking about what isn't instead of what is. We either know her, we are her or like me at one time or another we were that girl.

My mom, who is obviously over 30 because I'm in my mid-thirties and who has never been married, is the epitome of how NOT to be that girl – "over 30 and worried." What I love about her is the fact that even though she's single and she's been through a lot, she hasn't given up on love and she doesn't allow her single status to keep her stagnant. She's learned how to be single and satisfied. She's not sitting around desperately waiting or chasing after men. Instead, she stays on the go and chooses to live her life to the fullest, while still managing to give so much of herself, time and resources to help others.

Life is short. So, take a lesson from her and learn how to live, love and appreciate your life. I understand it's easier said than done when you're single and have been for a long time. I used to have my days when I would feel lonely and cry myself to sleep wondering if I would ever happen for me. I know you will have your days too and you will have your moments, but you can't stay there. Take your moment, dust yourself off and keep it moving and focus on what you do have. Besides, if you can't be happy by yourself, then you'll likely have a hard time being happy with someone else.

Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." May you be encouraged through my experiences and through God's word and realize that IT IS all good and IT IS working for your good no matter what your relationship status may be. TC mark

I Have Absolutely No Self-Control When It Comes To You

Posted: 07 Nov 2016 05:00 PM PST

Pexels
Pexels

Don’t text him. Don’t text him. Don’t text him. I repeat it like a mantra, occasionally throwing reasons in there. If you do it, he’ll think you’re desperate. If you do it, he’ll call you clingy. If you do it, he’ll lose interest in you.

But, no matter how many days I manage to last without texting you, I always crack. Maybe I drank a little and let my willpower slip away. Maybe I saw something that reminded me of you and couldn’t shake the urge to let you back in my life. There’s always something that drags me back to you. I can never resist–not for long.

It’s not always texting, though. I might be able to hold myself back from finding you on my contact list, but it doesn’t matter, because I’ll end up liking one of your statuses or commenting on a picture or watching one of your Snapchat stories. That small, seemingly meaningless gesture lets you know I’m thinking of you. It gives my feelings away.

And if I end up checking your Facebook or Instagram, it isn’t a temporary lapse in judgement. It lasts a while, because I can’t look at just one photo. I have to look at them all. To see you from as many angles as I can, to witness as many smiles as I can. And if I stumble across a photo of you with another girl, I’ll search through her photos, too. Try to figure out what she means to you. If she means more to you than I do. Or if she’s sitting in the same position as me, freaking out when she finds a photo of me.

I’ve tried to stop myself from caring about you, but I lose my self-control whenever I see your picture or hear your name or conjure up a memory of us. All I want is to see you. To touch you. To kiss you.

And, even after everything we’ve been though, after the shitty way that you’ve treated me, I know I would give you that kiss if I saw you again. No amount of reason would be able to hold me back. I’m not usually the girl to make the first move, but with you, I would. I would, because I wouldn’t want the moment to slip away. I wouldn’t want to miss out on my opportunity.

Even though we haven’t seen each other in a while, it feels like it hasn’t been long, because my thoughts are always centered on you. I tell myself not to mention you to my friends for the thousandth time. I tell myself not to replay our happiest memories when I’m bored. I tell myself not to touch myself while thinking of you. But I do it anyway. I do it, because you’re the only thing that I want.

I hope that you want me, too. That you’re sitting at home, phone in hand, praying that I’ll go through with sending a text so you don’t have to do it yourself. I hope that you’ve been thinking of me as much as I’ve been thinking of you. I hope that one day, you’ll be more than just a temptation. That you’ll finally be mine. TC mark

How To Get Over Someone Fast By Dismantling Your False Beliefs About Love

Posted: 07 Nov 2016 04:31 PM PST

@katiekhromova
@katiekhromova

If you want to know how to get over someone fast, you need to understand the psychology behind false beliefs. Most people aren't aware of the reality that they have been programmed with false beliefs ever since they were a child. They are in effect brainwashed. Yes even YOU.

You'll probably disagree with me …right?

I expected so. You see, the problem with being brainwashed is that when someone in this state – they don't realize they have been brainwashed. They just assume they are normal and that their beliefs are normal.

This is why it can be hard to un-brainwash a person. They are convinced that what they have been programmed with must be true.

One of the key ways we have been brainwashed ever since we were a child is how we view love. And the manner in which you have been brainwashed (with regard to love) can make getting over someone you think you love unnecessarily difficult. This is what I want to undo in this article.

Let's Take An Example Of A Common False Belief…

Imagine a guy is in love with a girl, he gets down on one knee before her and goes to put something on her finger. Now, let me ask you a question – What is he going to put on her finger?

A diamond ring of course! …you'll probably say.

But did you ever ask yourself why he does this? Is this something men have always done? It might surprise you to learn that giving a woman a diamond engagement ring is a modern invention …an invention created solely by a business man (Harry Oppenheimer) back in the 1930's for the purpose of making more money for his company!

Here's how it happened…

In the late 19th century a massive diamond mine was discovered in South Africa which resulted in the world market being flooded with diamonds. This created a problem – the price of diamonds went down.

Harry Oppenheimer of De Beers Consolidated Mines, Ltd. was worried about his companys future and so he thought of an idea. He placed ads in newspapers all around the country promoting the idea that the only type of engagement ring worthy of true love – was a diamond engagement ring. Anything else was only second class.

Back then in was extremely unusual for a man to give a woman a diamond engagement ring. If your great-grandparents are still alive – ask them! However, because of Harry Oppenheimers marketing campaign, the idea of a diamond ring took off. It soon became widespread. Every guy wanted to be able to say that he gave his future bride a diamond ring …and every woman wanted to say she had been given one!

Most people now today have completely forgotton how this myth (ie that you must give your future bride a diamond engagement ring) came into being and became one of our common beliefs. It all started from a simple ad campaign …and turned into something we now think was always there.

How We Have Been Programmed

As you can see, people can become programmed with a belief that is completely manufactured. One of the leading ways manufactured myths like this come into being is for financial reasons. The myth of the diamond engagement ring came into being because some guy wanted his company to make more money.

The same has happened with the concept of love we see around us today. We have been programmed with concepts like:

  • "The One"
  • Love can't be controlled because it is based on "fate" or "destiny".
  • We must be broken hearted if we lose "The One" …making us think thoughts like "You can never be happy without The One".

Where did these come from? The answer is mainly from Hollywood rom coms and the music we listen to everyday. Concepts like "The One" are what sell Hollywood rom-coms. They make us feel all warm and fussy inside thinking that there is one special person on this whole planet that we are "destined" to be with. Because we like believing in this idea, we keep going to see rom-coms that portray this idea …and so Hollywood keeps making them!

It becomes an endless cycle.

But the problem is this – Not only are these beliefs FALSE, but they are very damaging when someone breaks up with us or when we can't be with someone we feel we really love. They are damaging because these myths in essence make us feel helpless.

What You Need To Do To Get Over Someone Fast…

What you need to do is dismantle false myths about love that you currently hold. Part of my book "THE ERASE CODE: How To Get Over Anyone In Less Than A Week Using Psychology" involves going through the full set of false beliefs that makes it difficult to get over someone you love. It then reveals how to destroy each myth, one by one.

Let's take the myth of "The One" for example. In my book I reveal how this is just a myth by showing you exactly where in human history the myth of "The One" originated. I also show how it is artificially propagated today by the society we live in. If you think the person is "The One", you will no longer think so after reading this book.

When you can come to see just how manufactured myths about love really are, it will help you in getting over someone you love fast. It will release you from the mindset that this person you love is the only "One" you can have in your life …but that there are multiple "Ones" you are capable of having. TC mark

I’ll Never Stop Believing In Love

Posted: 07 Nov 2016 04:00 PM PST

Jena Postma
Jena Postma

You can call me naïve and a dreamer. You can call me young and foolish and stuck in a silly wonderland in my own mind. You can laugh and tell me I have no idea how harsh the world can be. You can roll your eyes and say that I haven't lived long enough to experience anything. You can tell me that love isn't real, or that I don't know what love is.

But no matter what you say, I'll never stop believing in love.

I believe that we are meant to love each other. That we are meant to find people whose hearts beat in sync with ours and hold them close. That we aren't meant to wander this earth alone and that there is someone, or maybe a series of someones, who will make us feel alive.

I believe that we are meant to find our person—through trials and fears, moments of doubt and victories, through pain and laughter—and our two hearts will just fit.

I believe that even though we may not find the right one on our first try, our heartbreak is a beautiful part of the journey.

I believe in love. I believe that you meet someone and you just know; I believe that you meet someone and you discover who they are, and then fall deeply. I believe that you keep on loving. I believe that you choose to love, every single day.

I believe in love, even when it's hard. When two people can't seem to find their rhythm, when conflict becomes more prevalent than care, when it's no longer easy—still, I believe that love exists. We just must continue and work for it.

I believe in love, even when it fails. Even when we have nothing left to give. Even when we feel defeated and alone and wonder if we'll every find someone whose heart matches with ours. Still, I believe in love.

Because love always finds us in our brokenness. It lifts us when we have lost all hope. It forgives us from our mistakes and teaches us that we are never alone.

Love is in the people who have raised us, the friends we have chosen, the lips we have kissed, the bodies we have held close to ours in both the extraordinary and the mundane moments of our lives.

See, I'll never stop believing in love. I'll never ignore what I see all around me in the kindness of strangers, in the smiles exchanged on street corners, in couples holding hands and children smiling at adults, so naturally prone to want others, to want to be connected.

We've all gone through heartbreak, but we're still breathing, aren't we? We're still holding on. We're still finding reasons to open our eyes in the morning, and we're still fighting back against our biggest demons. Every single day.

See, I'll never stop believing in the power love has in our lives—the power to save us, to change us, to grow us, to make us stronger.

I'll never stop believing that we will one day find our people, that we will be connected to others, that our lives will be blessed by the relationships we have, even if they don't always go as planned.

When I think about love, I think about the people I've known and the challenges I've faced. I think about how love has gotten me through, every single time. I think about how love is fearless and powerful, a guiding force, a warm feeling in our chests.

And maybe we'll be alone at times, maybe we'll have tired hearts and aching bodies, maybe we won't have another person in our lives all the time, but there's no reason to turn our backs on love.

Because it's the one thing that connects us to one another.
It's the one thing that makes us human.

And it’s so damn beautiful. TC mark

The 5 Types Of Bartenders

Posted: 07 Nov 2016 03:30 PM PST

Tristan Kenney
Tristan Kenney

1. The College Bartender

The College Bartender is a student between the ages of 17-21 working at a college bar looking to pay off a bit of their tuition or to line their pockets with a few hundred dollars each week. The word 'mixology' isn't even part of their vocabulary. This type of bartender will be pushing out a high volume of Long Island Iced Teas and Vodka Red Bulls and it wouldn't be a stretch to say he or her has a reputation around school as being a would-be player or the campus slut. Whether this reputation is deserving or not, the College Bartender is sure to have a couple of notches under his or her belt due to the sheer fact that they are always at center stage.

College bars are prime real estate where impressionable kids go to develop major social skills, and flirting is at an all-time high at these establishments. So the attraction to this gig is quite simple really: You mix partying with a bit of drinking (multiply that by quick cash), and you have the perfect storm. As one former College Bartender puts it, working as a bartender can "bring in big tips each night. The job, with its high pay and night hours, makes it a good way to make ends meet while still being able to take college courses during the day" (Scotti, 2013). And you'd be surprised at how many young folks nowadays continue down the bartending path and turn it into a post-schooling career. As the Associated Press reported not too many years ago, "recent graduates are now more likely to work as waiters, waitresses, bartenders and food-service helpers than as engineers, physicists, chemists and mathematicians combined" (Weissman, 2012).


2. The Part-Time Actor or Artist

This type of bartender is known to have one foot in the service industry and one foot in the creative world. Bartending has always been a profession that gives people very flexible schedules, so this leaves plenty of time to attend auditions or open calls for actors, dancers, musicians, and would-be artists. Because bartending is seen as a part-time endeavor, this particular bartender may not want bartending to interfere with their "real career," so once they clock out at the end of the night, hanging out with the bar staff or with customers may be a no-go. Now this doesn't apply to every single part-time actor or artist out there. Some of my best bar buddies also work as stand up comics, act on Broadway, or are touring on some famous musical. Yet the fact remains the same. Who a bartender is at work can be night and day compared to who they are in their private lives. I once knew a girl back when I was working as a nightclub bartender in Orlando who without fail, every night after counting her tips, would clock out, grab her purse, and head straight for the door. She never stayed late to grab any bad food with the rest of the crew or chilled to gossip about the crazy events of the night. Nope. She was pursuing a singing career and only got into bartending for the money. She wasn't there to make any friends and time and time again she made this quite clear. I don't even think I ever got her first name.

A great piece of advice would be to tread lightly when approaching a bartender who says they are an "aspiring" anything. For all you know they could be leading a double life and the personality they present at work isn't who they really are at home.


3. The Full-Time and Going Nowhere

This is the type of bartender who likes to complain about how their work schedule is shitty every week and how the management staff is pissing them off, but they have no plans of changing anything. The Full-Time and Going Nowhere is that one bartender who has worked at your favorite bar the longest. He or she is the resident older brother or sister and normally gives out quality sage advice. You wonder why they haven't moved past just being a bartender and it's been ten-plus years, but the reason is they are fine with how things currently are. They don't care for upward mobility and as long as their regulars are there every shift, they take home a respectable pay. As long as there's not a blizzard or hurricane going on outside, life is good. Most bartenders who were once college bartenders or didn't quite make it working part-time pursuing an acting career end up as Full-Time and Going Nowhere. It's unfortunate, but it’s the truth. Just one of those things that slowly creeps up on them before they even know it. As a customer who is approaching this type of bartender you'll notice that they are some of the greatest humans beings you'll ever run into, but once you peel back a couple of layers, you may find some regret there, because bartending was not their first choice.


4. The Career Craft Bartender

This is the category I would fall under. I was once a part-time artist (wanting to become a famous writer), when I first entered the service industry many, many moons ago. I started off working as a drink runner in a prime time New York City gastro pub. The basis of my job was running up and down three flights of stairs every shift (lasting anywhere from ten to twelve hours), serving wealthy Manhattanites flavored martinis and even stiff drinks. After months of callused hands and blistered toes I worked my way up to the position of food runner, then I became a barback, and finally I reached the level of full-fledged bartender. Like many lost boys and girls in this industry, I thought I would work on my writing during the day and bartend part-time at night while I waited for fame and fortune to come knocking on my door. When that knock never came, I made the conscious decision to make bartending a serious career choice, refusing to fall into the Full-Time and Going Nowhere.

The Career Craft Bartender is the type of bartender who shows up for work early and is the last one to leave at the end of their shift. They take criticism and direction very well and step into leadership roles just as easily. At the same time, their career trajectory moves very fast. From being just a bartender, they move up to being head bartenders, bar managers, floor managers, general managers, and before you know it, they go on to open up their own bars or restaurants. Even with bartending being a focal point in their lives, they still have the ability to balance both work and family evenly. The Career Craft Bartender has an unbelievably high ambition and is truly going places in life; definitely a great catch in the dating pool.


5. The Mixologist

The Mixologist is a species all its on. The person who becomes this type of bartender undoubtedly takes the craft of bartending, or in this case “mixology” (the art or skill of preparing mixed drinks), very seriously. For a mixologist, presentation and fresh ingredients are everything, and building cohesive relationships with local grocers is second to none. The Mixologist is also known to attend many of the numerous bartending competitions around the world, the big three being World Class by Diageo, the Most Imaginative Bartender by Bombay Sapphire and GQ, and Bacardí Legacy Global Cocktail Competition sponsored by Bacardí. As famed master mixologist Brian Van Flandern would put it, "a mixologist is to a bartender as a chef is to a cook" (2015). They are at the top of the food chain when it comes to the bar profession, and nothing can come between them making a quality cocktail for the customer sitting in front of them.

The only negative trait to The Mixologist is the separation of their work life and home life. It doesn't exist. Since the cocktail community takes up a majority of their free time, maintaining a successful romantic relationship may not be on the top of their priorities list. Their career may overshadow any chance of a deep connection if you do not share the same passion for crafted cocktails or hospitality. The Mixologist is better off dating one of their own (a fellow Mixologist), or any of the other types of bartenders. If you want to carry on interesting conversations about everything involving the history of the craft cocktail movement, then I would suggest you approach The Mixologist. But just know that if you decide on dating this bartender, the chances of you becoming number one in their lives is almost slim to none. TC mark

Beware Of The ‘Nice’ Fuckboy

Posted: 07 Nov 2016 03:00 PM PST

500 Days of Summer
500 Days of Summer

It’s not easy to keep up with the extensive personalities of guys you should steer clear from while navigating the hook-up generation. We have so many variations of the good guy and the bad guy, but what is even more confusing is when the guy is a mixture of the two.

He acts like a good guy, and perhaps deep down he is. He believes he is upfront and to the point, while also simultaneously playing games with sex being his primary motivation.

He’s all about his friends and the girl he is talking to or hooking up with comes last, and can easily be switched out for a number of different girls.

When he’s with you, he acts like a genuinely nice guy and wants your company. But when you part ways, that’s it for him.

If you see each other or happen to run into each other, you’ll interact or maybe go home with each other but other than that there isn’t much of an effort. It’s frustrating because when you are with this person it can feel really good while inadvertently sparking a sense of hope.

He isn’t a jerk and he isn’t rude. He doesn’t promise you things or set any expectations. At the same time, he makes you feel happy, only to ignite expectations that can never be met.

The nice fuckboy can make you feel great when you are with him, leaving you disappointed when apart. He can tell you he’s not looking for anything serious or make it clear it is just a sexual relationship and nothing past that. Without being formally rejected, you can feel heavily rejected.

Even though he isn’t choosing you, this doesn’t make him a bad person. He may act like a fuckboy for a number of reasons that are just out of your control. But that’s his problem.

Maybe he has commitment issues. Maybe he had a shitty past experience. Maybe he has trust issues. Maybe there is something going on with him that has nothing to do with you, and for that reason, it’s not your place to try and force your way through.

Even if he isn’t intentionally trying to hurt you, he is still hurting you. Don’t ignore this reality. The fact that he is hurting you, intentional or not is what you need to accept. You may feel like you can help him, change him, or even save him.

Guys will almost always have sex with you. If a guy believes they’ve done everything to make you aware that they aren’t looking for anything serious, they may feel like they have done everything they’ve needed to do on their end, avoiding any guilt for any attachment you may gain.

As hard as it may be to let go, you have to.

This is not a fulfilling relationship. You are setting yourself up for disappointment each time you talk to or spend time with the nice fuckboy. Holding on inevitably will block you from new potential relationships.

He may be a nice guy. But he’s not your nice guy. Stop wasting your time with the nice fuckboy. He’s not for you. There is a nice guy out there for you that will undoubtedly choose you from the start. TC mark

Trust In The Timing Of Your Life

Posted: 07 Nov 2016 02:00 PM PST

Joseph Young
Joseph Young

Life is chaotic sometimes. Just as you think everything is going swimmingly, something happens that sends you out of whack. It makes you a little bit adrift and this unsettling feeling is hard to shake. Whether it's losing your job, your SO, or even if your favorite coffee shop closes down (yes, this would suck for me), it's important to take a step back, breathe and surrender.

I always get into a funk when my life goes off balance. Sometimes I feel like I've taken one step forwards and two steps back. That's when I stop and realise,

It’s okay.

It's okay to feel behind, it's okay not to be okay, but at the same time it's important to pick yourself up. I give myself 10 emotional minutes in a day if I need it, then I get up and remind myself that I am a gangster (with a matcha latte and a yoga mat).

Accept.

We want to control everything around us, the situations and the people, but you've got to remember that you can't control every aspect of your life. Don't waste your energy into things you can't control. Instead, use that energy to get yourself closer to those goals and being the best version of yourself.

Trust.

Trust in life and trust in yourself. Trust that where you are at in your life at the moment is the right thing and the thing you need most. Don't compare your life to others, everyone is on an individual journey and is on a completely different path and scrolling through your feed on social media isn't going to make you feel better if you think everyone is ahead of you. Life isn't a race so slow down.

Learn.

Learn from the struggles, falls, heartache, heartbreak, loss, and endings. Because when something ends, a new thing begins. Learn from the people who have come into your life and left, learn from the people who are still here, learn from your experiences – good and bad, and most of all learn from yourself.

Celebrate.

We all have goals that we one day want to achieve, but in the meantime celebrate your small wins and keep yourself motivated. Focusing on just the big goal can be daunting at times when you think you're not getting closer to it, so look at each step as a tick in the box, getting you that much closer to your goals and go and have that glass of wine and celebrate (any excuse for a tipple).

Be grateful.

Be grateful for everything in your life. Acknowledge the good – no matter how small. You woke up this morning and have another chance at life, you have great friends and family, you have a roof over your head – whatever it is, be grateful.

Remember, "life is amazing, then awful. And then it's amazing again. And in between the amazing and the awful, it's ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That's just living, heart-breaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life and it's breathtakingly beautiful."TC mark