Thought Catalog


Why Each Myers-Briggs Personality Type Is Up At 4am

Posted: 14 Dec 2016 01:00 AM PST

Kevin Lee
Kevin Lee

ENFP: They had a GENIUS new idea for their next adventure around midnight – and now they’re up booking plane tickets and attempting to teach themselves Mandarin.

INFP: They were reading the BEST BOOK and they were only 300 pages away from the end…

ENTP: They're experimenting with the four-hour-a-day sleep schedule, which they definitely will not forget all about in two days.

INTP: They go to bed at 11am and wake up at 9pm every day, this is perfectly normal for them.

INFJ: Someone they loved needed to talk.

ESFP: They've been out all night. Everyone knows nothing good ever happens before at least 3am.

ENTJ: They get up at 4am every day, in order to get in a two-hour workout, have a balanced breakfast and still be the first one in at the office.

ENFJ: They're volunteering for a crisis hotline that stays open all night.

ISFP: They only ever feel creatively inspired after midnight – which means their best art projects are often products of being awake at 4am.

ESFJ: They're entertaining guests and have woken up four hours before everyone else in order to prepare a surprise breakfast buffet.

ISFJ: They have a test/presentation tomorrow morning and their mind has been up taunting them with worst-case scenarios since they tried to go to bed at 10pm.

ESTP: They're pulling a hilarious prank on someone that could only be pulled off in the middle of the night.

INTJ: They're trying out a new sleep schedule where they go to bed at 8pm and get up at 4am every day, in order to have a couple of quiet hours to meditate and read before their day begins.

ESTJ: They already got their allotted four hours of sleep. Everyone knows that sleep is for the weak.

ISTJ: They volunteered to work the night shift at work, because everyone else refused to and somebody had to do it.

ISTP: 4am is the only time they can get some damn peace and quiet. TC mark

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How This Sweet Boyfriend Surprised His Girlfriend For Christmas Will Leave You SUPER Jealous

Posted: 13 Dec 2016 08:15 PM PST

via Twitter
via Twitter

Twitter user Amazing Grace and her boyfriend promised each other that they wouldn’t go crazy on Christmas gifts! Specifically, she made him promise not to spend a lot.

Well, I can’t comment on how much money he spent. But he definitely spent a lot of time assembling this totally bombass gift.

It starts with this note that the boyfriend puts on her door.

via Twitter
via Twitter

He’s setting expectations high by admitting that he ignored their agreement to not “spend a lot.” I guess we are going to see if his gift can live up to that hype.

(Spoiler alert: it does)

via Twitter
via Twitter

The first thing “Amazing Grace” notices is the Christmas lights strung along her window. She loves lights, and is absolutely ecstatic about the display. Then she sees the arrangement of items on her bed.

via Twitter
via Twitter

Lined up, almost perfectly, are 12 pairs of socks, a warm blanket, and five pieces of candy. While this seems like a pretty dope gift for anyone, the girlfriend in our story explains how it is actually 100% perfect:

He knows that I’m always cold and that I love Christmas lights so he surprised me when I got back from vacation

By setting up the Christmas lights perfectly, and giving her gifts to fix her coldness, this boyfriend totally NAILED his Christmas gift this year.

AND, he even left this cute note with everything.

via Twitter
via Twitter

(Although the socks may have been from Aeropostale, but I guess we’ll forgive him for that one!)

People on the Internet are def super jealous about this gift. Some even tagged their significant others, hoping that they would get the hint.

This near-perfect dude has definitely made living up to Christmas a lot harder for all the other boyfriends in the world.

Good luck, fellow men. TC mark

Caught With Their Panties Down: 23 Girls Share Their Most Humiliating Masturbation Stories

Posted: 13 Dec 2016 08:00 PM PST

Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz
Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz
Found on AskReddit.

1. I squirted so hard it hit my laptop and my laptop died.

"I had propped my laptop up and had my back against my backboard going to town on myself with a dildo. So I’m just doing my thing as usual and when I came, I squirted so hard it hit my laptop and my laptop died. I had to get it sent in to Geek Squad to get it fixed for 'water damage.' Sorry, Geek Squad dude!"

consyfaps


2. I started jerking off in the street with the hope that I’d calm down.

"At the age of 15 I was playing Monopoly with some friends and a dude that I didn’t like. That boy was so fucking annoying that I left the house furious and went to the street. It was 3 am and I didn’t want to go home so I started jerking off in the street with the hope that I’d calm down. There wasn’t anyone on the street, only two cats who stopped to watch me jerk off. To be clear, I didn’t realize the cats where there until I finished."

RheagoTargaryen


3. I realized my butt had swallowed the small vibrator.

"Pretty much always ready for some action, don’t get enough so I take care of it myself. I don’t like anal sex with guys because they want to do that pumping action and sorry but that hurts. I do, however, enjoy anal if I do it to myself with a finger or dildo.

Anyway, I had this little finger vibrator and I was short on hands (got three things to deal with now) so I thought, I’ll just put the small vibrator halfway into my ass and leave it so I can rock this dildo and rub myself. I finished up just fine, until I realized my butt had swallowed the small vibrator. It was unreachable. Had to give myself an oily enema to get it out (and it was vibrating the whole 20 minutes it was stuck in there).

Mistakes were made. Time to invest in more appropriate equipment."

littlebirdbones


4. Diddled the bean with mango habanero sauce on my fingers.

"Had made mango habanero sauce earlier that day. Especially potent peppers from the garden.

Washed my hands.

Went to bed to diddle the bean.

I had forgotten to clean under my fingernails."

daitoshi


5. My mom walked in on me blasting lesbian porn on my comp, vibrator on clit, dildo in hand.

"My mom walked in on me blasting lesbian porn on my comp, vibrator on clit, dildo in hand, looked me straight in the eyes to tell me she was going to the grocery store, and walked out, never mentioning it once."

beeuh


6. I tried flicking the bean with the handle of a knife.

"During my experimental phase and having no idea what to do. I tried flicking the bean with the handle of a knife. Spread eagle on my bed, in sight of the door. My little sister walked in and asked what I was doing. I told her I was putting a tampon in. She went 'Oh.' and walked out. She would’ve been nine or ten at the time."

Madamejay


7. Little did we know her Mum had been standing there in a state of shock for 10 seconds.

"When I was 10 I was having a play date with a girl from school. She used to be a bully of mine so she was the ‘bossy’ friend. We’re in her bedroom and she says we should blow up the paddling pool and pretend there is water in it so we can play Titanic. I agree. We’re both mucking about and I’m pretending to be Rose falling off the ship. After a while she says to me 'Do you know what sex is?' 'I think so,' I reply. She says we should take off our clothes and pretend to have sex under the covers. We get under the covers and she’s on top. I tell her I’m really nervous and she replies, 'Just play Titanic.' As she’s on top, dry humping me, we’re both still pretending to be Jack and Rose in a state of terror as the Titanic is sinking. Little did we know her Mum had been standing there in a state of shock for 10 seconds. I was driven home immediately but my Mum was never told what happened, she assumed I’d just had bad manners. Tl;dr – first lesbian experience was Titanic roleplay."

Flipmobile1


8. I proceed to stare at him, no broken eye contact, making faces like an infant taking a giant shit.

"Man…. there are so many awkward moments…. But this one is the gold simply for the fact that I can’t imagine what the lifeguard was thinking… I used to stick my hoo hoo up against the pool hydrostreams in the public pool. I would casually swim up to my favorite blow hole I named Nick after the lifeguard, and proceed to stare at him, no broken eye contact, making faces like an infant taking a giant shit. When I would get off, my eyes would cross, and I would grunt a few times before swimming off to play Marco polo or some shit. He was always wearing sunglasses, but I am pretty sure he saw me and was weirded the fuck out by the prepubescent stalker that was CLEARLY hanging out for unusually long times directly in front of the water stream… 10/10 Would do again.

TLDR; Prepubescent girl perversely leers at terrified lifeguard while getting off on the pool hydrostream named Nick."

Soylent-Shenanigans


9. I came on my mom’s dildo at the home computer in full view of the front door.

"I came on my mom’s dildo at the home computer in full view of the front door to late 2000’s Brazzer balloon-boob, double-dildo lesbian porn as my mom herself burst in the front door.

It was in the years of high school when my little brother was in after-school care and I had roughly 50 minutes of golden lusty alone time between coming home from school and my mom arriving home from work, but she came home early that day. My moaning was too loud to hear an SUV roll up the gravel the driveway just outside the office area.

My tab count was higher than the white blood cells in a leukemia patient, and I’m pretty sure I was utilizing the induced gang bang effect of having multiple tabs playing videos at once. I always found real gang bang noises to be too forced, so I’d play several videos at once with good audio of real orgasms and coitus pleasures…

I was a little fortunate to have been in my silent-orgasm-deep-breathing-experimenting stage following another fucked up over-hearing incident from me in the shower and thinking I was the only one home.

So though my face was contorted, lower half naked with an immensely-cut borrowed purple dildo gripped in my pulsing cervix, in a matter of milliseconds I managed to cum, guide my pleasure-induced claw hand to mouse-click the browser ‘X’, pull my blanket up around my wobbly lower half as I stood, and give a big, enthusiastic, 'Hey Ma what are YOU doing HOME!?<3?!' faux greeting without her ever being aware of what was happening just before and as she entered the premise. I also managed to clean the dildo, dry it, and return it before she noticed that day, too.

Yes I was desperate enough to share that shit. It breaks every safety rule I now uphold for toy sharing and sex. Also, yeah, no more family dildos. That was fucked up."

valuethemargin


10. Pretty sure I experienced my first orgasm, and my dad heard it.

"Masturbating in the shower at age 14 (female) when I thought I had the house to myself. I decided to try to moan more and experiment with that. It got loud and ridiculous because that’s just who I am sometimes. My dad came home and I didn’t notice until after I got out of the shower. He was all 'I heard some really weird noises from the bathroom. Are you okay?' 'There was a spider in there and it scared me.' Nooooo. Pretty sure I experienced my first orgasm, and my dad heard it."

Waitwhatdidijustsay


11. The only problem was that it was TOO WIDE.

"I was doing an intensive Russian summer program at the University of Chicago. My roommate had bailed halfway through the ‘semester’ so I had the whole room to myself. I’d always been… self-exploratory, and after a normal evening of watching porn, and flicking the bean, I still was unsatisfied. I realized I needed more than my fingers to get the feeling I REALLY wanted, so frantically looked around my room to see what I could MacGyver into something resembling a dildo. I found my condoms (good, on the right track) and started to look for anything cylindrical. Then, I noticed it. The sunscreen spray can. It would be perfect. I cleaned off the can in the sink, unrolled the condom onto it, and got started. The only problem was that it was TOO WIDE. It didn’t matter though. I was past the point of no return with caring, and just kept going even though it hurt. I knew I couldn’t just masturbate to empty air too, so I put on the TV show I was currently watching: Hannibal. I came right as Hannibal was ripping this guy’s jaw from his head."

OhLordyMe


12. Sitting quietly on the couch under a blanket, in my living room, with my WHOLE FAMILY, I masturbated to orgasm.

"Ohhh man. I’ve never told anyone this; in fact, I’ve tried to block it from my memory, but this thread was a cruel reminder. When I was younger, my whole family loved to watch American Idol together. It was a tradition. And one night – I believe it was season 9, so I was 12 or 13 years old – I was such a fucking horny teenager that I couldn’t stand it. And sitting quietly on the couch under a blanket, in my living room, with my WHOLE FAMILY, I masturbated to orgasm. Shameful. No, I don’t believe anyone noticed… and if they did, they didn’t say anything. Yikes. Oh, and now that I’m writing this, I’m remembering that time when my mom caught me using her vibrators. (She didn’t, like, see me. She just found them in my bathroom). I was young then as well and was really just fascinated by dildos and stuff, never inserted anything… although it’s pretty sick to think about now. Ew. My poor parents. THAT was an awkward conversation…"

ArielAboveTheSea


13. My mom found my dirty sex toy in the sink.

"Got really high and left my sex toy in the sink while trying to clean it and my mom found it in the morning."

Rahl199


14. My dad walked in and just freaked and walked back out.

"Okay, so I found my special lady part very early in life. I’m talking like 3rd grade hump the arm of the couch, find a pool jet and stand there. And then I got a bumble ball for Christmas. Boy oh boy. Well my parents were young when they had me and didn’t stay together (maybe the sex drive is genetic), and I took my new favorite toy to my grandma's house on my dad's side. Well I pulled down my little girl panties and turn on the ol’ bumble ball and laid on the floor. 5 minutes later my dad walked in and just freaked and walked back out. I didn’t see him for like an hour and then he silently drove me back to my mom's. And my god, I’ll joke about it with my husband now but if I would rather die than ever acknowledge it with my dad. He was cool about one thing though, I got to keep my humble ball."

Anna_Begins


15. All I could think as an excuse was 'My cell phone must be going off!'

"I was probably 13 years old at the time and living with my grandma in WV. I had just purchased my first vibrator and wasn’t familiar with every function yet. I decided one morning to have a quickie under the covers before getting up to get ready for school, when my grandma opens my door unannounced to gather any laundry I had and to wake me up for school. I panicked. I ripped my toy out of me and thought I had hit the ‘off’ button, but I instead cranked up the power. My bed was vibrating so loud. She just kept asking me what that sound was, and all I could think as an excuse was 'My cell phone must be going off!' As I’m now desperately trying to turn the damned toy off blindly under the covers. Most awkward 5 mins of my life."

Aurorablackheart


16. She stops to have a chat to me for like ten minutes about fuck knows what.

"Was mid-flow with one of my toys, and my friend walks straight into my bedroom without knocking…So I’m laying there, with my hand still under the duvet and the toy still in place, my laptop on my stomach with open playing (luckily with no audio). And she stops to have a chat to me for like ten minutes about fuck knows what before rolling back out of my room while leaving my door wide open…"

thehorrorofspoons


17. My mind had drifted to images of my husband and two daughters dying in a car crash.

"Realizing my mind had drifted to images of my husband and two daughters dying in a car crash. Then still finishing."

faithlessdisciple


18. My shaking knocked over the bird cage downstairs.

"So mine is, when I was about 11 (female) or so, I was playing with the thought of masturbation and decided to take a go at it. I had previously bought some erotic fiction book (The blonde geisha by Jina Baccar if anyone was interested. Definitely recommend) I was reading it and getting into it…and probably a little too much. I popped my cherry. On top of that, I heard a crash downstairs. I ran down naked (my parents were out somewhere) to find that my shaking and everything had knocked over the bird cage downstairs. Two friggin parakeets were flying around everywhere and my naked ass had to catch them and put them back so I didn’t have to explain what happened. Long story short I threw a cummy towel from earlier on top of them. it worked. They were safe and unharmed….except for maybe their psyches."

KaspieD


19. My mom leans in and is like, 'Are you OK?'

"I was about 16 or so (F). My parents were super watchful of my computer activity and I was paranoid about going on a porn site so I would go on Gaia Online and have cybersex with people to get off. I always waited until my family left to have at it. So I’m lying on the bed bottom half bare, top lifted up really going at it with a guy. Possibly one of the ‘steamiest’ sessions I’d had at that time. I doing my fail proof move of humping a pillow and I’m actually sweating I’m getting so into it. I don’t realize that this has gone on for nearly an hour. I’ve gone through multiple bottles of water, orgasmed a few times and am getting near dehydration at this point, but I don’t want to stop. Anyways I’m getting away from the fucked-up part. I didn’t hear my family come home. So all the sudden I hear the dog run past my room which meant someone was walking to let it out. I heard the nob turning, and managed to pull my shirt down and pull the cover up to my stomach. My face is obviously super red. I’ve got the pillow still squeezed between my legs trying to hold myself together. My mom leans in and is like, 'Are you OK?'

I just stare dumbfounded and open up a word document to look like I’m doing homework. 'I don’t know I think I’m sick.' She feels my head while I’m trying to control myself.

'You’re a little warm. Hmmm, how is your homework coming along?'

I hadn’t started, 'fine,' I lied.

She leaves and I try to finish one more out. Then she comes right back in and I have to stop again while she asks me what I want for dinner. I lie again telling her I don’t feel well and I’m not hungry.

She leaves again and I pull back up the chat. The guy has sent me more material which instantly sets me off. I try to quietly hump the pillow more leaving it under the covers just in case.

Back again! She takes my temperature and gives me water. I lay down and pull the covers over my head.

She FINALLY leaves again and I finish. I go take a shower meanwhile my family decides to go out for dinner. So I continue to say I’m not feeling super well and think I’ll just go to bed after my shower. They leave guy sends me more material and I’m going at it again. After about 20 minutes I’m sweating again because this time I stayed under the covers and of course my family changed their mind because the restaurant was too crowded. So mom comes barging in to check on me and I’m red and sweaty again. I think that finally convinced her I was ‘sick’ and I gave up, turned off the light and went to bed. To this day I have no clue if she believed me or not."

toss_this_out_There


20. I tried to show my friend how to masturbate on accident.

"I am a girl and when I was young, like 10 years old maybe a year or two older, I had learned how to masturbate, though I didn’t know what masturbating was. Don’t ask me why but I could only get off using my clit whilst laying on my stomach. I would also ONLY do it over my clothes. Like the extra pressure made it better (?) Idk I was fuckin weird.

There was a girl my age who lived across the street. I didn’t know wtf masturbating was, I just knew it felt good. So anyways, I go over and tell her about this great thing I discovered. I proceeded to lay face first on her bedroom floor and show her. She did not understand, like it, or try it. I think she may have told her mom about it. They moved away like a year later and I am pretty sure it was because of me.

The memory haunts me today.

Tl:dr; I tried to show my friend how to masturbate on accident."

Coffeeedog


21. I eventually fell asleep in my fluid-soaked pajamas.

"I’m a squirter. When I was 13 or 14 I was masturbating with my underwear and pajama bottoms still on, while I laid under my cover. At one point I squirted so much that it soaked through my underwear and pajamas (and yes, I'm sure that I squirted because it was odorless and tasteless. Don’t ask why I tasted it LMAO). Wanna know what my dirty ass did? I laid there. I didn’t get up to clean myself up. I eventually fell asleep. In my fluid-soaked pajamas. Wanna know what’s even worse? I kept the sheets on my bed for weeks after that. I was a vile girl, omggg."

dunkraroodle


22. I feel like I want to cry of shame just writing this.

"This was the worst thing ever happen to me.

This was a bunch of years ago, when my now husband has been seeing each other for about a year. We were still in the rabbit phase of our relationship, fucking like 4 times a day.

Anyway, we went to see his mother, about a 4h drive and spend a long weekend there, and she didn’t like me from the start. She is an old conservative thinks she's better than everyone else. Commented if you had to much (or any) cleavage showing. You know the type of person.

So we of course didn’t really get a moment to sex it up, thin walls and his mother everywhere. So I went for a shower, and when I got out of the shower I thought I'd get myself off quick to calm down the worst of it. So I did, stood in front of the mirror and went at it, and as I came, my mother in law opened the door and just stared at me with towels in her hands. And after what seemed to be 5 minutes, she just walked away.

I HAD locked the door, but it was an old house and you needed to wiggle the lock a bit for it to lock.

I was in the bathroom crying for ages before going to my husband crying and begging to go home.

I never told this to anyone one but my husband. I was the worst thing ever; I feel like I want to cry of shame just writing this.

So yeah.. I came in front of the eyes of my conservative mother-in-law."

Allwithinherhands


23. I look up and see my mom staring at me.

"I was maybe about 12 or so, and I discovered the jet setting on the showerhead. Because we didn’t have the hand-held showerhead, and one of those maybe 3×3 shower stalls in the house I’d set the jet then test when it would hit, and do adjustments. I damn near practically had to stand on my head lol. Well I’m letting the jet stream do its magic and enjoying it, and I hear something. I look up (clear shower liner) and see my mom staring at me. I’m ashamed, and all she could do was laugh at me. Although to be fair she never said anything about it."

YellowFlySwat TC mark

Read this: Caught With Their Pants Down: 49 Guys Share Their Most Humiliating Masturbation Stories

Why He’s Tempted To Cheat, Based On His Zodiac Sign

Posted: 13 Dec 2016 07:00 PM PST

Unsplash, Lauren Ferstl
Unsplash, Lauren Ferstl

Aries: March 21st – April 19th

He loves the feeling of adrenaline coursing through his veins. Sure, he could get it by skydiving or bungee jumping or hiking. But he could also get it by flirting with his hot coworker or that sexy bartender that keeps looking his way.

Taurus: April 20th – May 20th

If he’s tempted to cheat, it’s because he’s worried about how loyal you are. Maybe he’s just paranoid because he’s been hurt in the past, or maybe you actually have been getting close to someone new. If that’s the case, then he might cheat, just to get back at you.

Gemini: May 21st – June 20th

If he’s tempted to cheat, it isn’t because he hates you. It’s because he’s genuinly confused about what he wants. He doesn’t know if you’re the right person for him or if she’s still out there somewhere. He wants to explore his options to make sure he isn’t making a mistake with you.

Cancer: June 21st – July 22nd

Cancers aren’t the type to play the field. They’re the type to settle down. So if they’re tempted to cheat on you, you’re probably not the person that they want to spend forever with. Chances are, they’re falling in love with the person that they’re cheating with.

Leo: July 23rd – August 22nd

Cheating isn’t about you. It’s about him. He’s feeling inadequate. Insecure. He needs another woman to make him feel like he’s attractive again. Like he still has it. 

Virgo: August 23rd – September 22nd

If he’s thinking about cheating, it’s because he’s overly stressed. Even though there are plenty of other ways to release that stress, he turns to cheating, because it’s the easy answer. Because it’s a temporary fix for his sadness.

Libra: September 23rd – October 22nd

He’s always admired beautiful things. Beautiful architecture. Beautiful artwork. Beautiful women. He’s been looking at eye candy for so long that he’s grown tired of it. Now, he wants to touch.

Scorpio: October 23rd – November 21st

If he’s going to cheat, it’ll probably happen after an argument when he’s pissed off. He has a bad temper, which often causes him to lash out and do something destructive. Sometimes, he’ll go to the bar to get wasted. But one day, he might cheat instead.

Sagittarius: November 22nd – December 21st

He’s always had a fear of commitment. Now that things are getting serious between the two of you, he’s getting scared. He’s worried about leaving his bachelor days behind. And that fear could push him to do something stupid.

Capricorn: December 22nd – January 19th

If he ends up cheating on you, it wasn’t a spur of the moment thing. It was planned out. He had every step measured so that he wouldn’t get caught. So don’t let him convince you it was a moment of weakness. It wasn’t.

Aquarius: January 20th – February 18th

If he’s tempted to cheat, it’s probably because he’s bored in bed. He’s a creative soul and likes to switch things up. If sex gets too tame, then he might look for another woman to get him off — and you should look for a new boyfriend. One you can actually trust.

Pisces: February 19th – March 20th

He’s super close with all of his friends. Even the female ones. And, unfortunately, sometimes lines get blurred. Sometimes, people get closer than they mean to. That doesn’t excuse his behavior, of course, so don’t even think about going easy on him. TC mark

Hey Millennials, Here’s The Truth About Sex: You’re Doing It Wrong

Posted: 13 Dec 2016 06:00 PM PST

Luis Hernandez
Luis Hernandez

The first time my husband (Seth) ever called me was the exact same night I ended my engagement, 2 months before my wedding. I hadn't seen Seth or spoken to him in two years. He had no clue I was engaged. Our very first phone conversation consisted of me sobbing, and him saying he was sorry. He asked if I wanted to hang out the next night, and I wanted to do anything that would allow me to escape the reality that I had paid for a wedding venue I would never use.

The next night he drove an hour and a half to see me. We let our feet dangle off the edge of the pier. My eyes were puffy, my heart was broken, and yet I felt a strange sense of peace in the presence of this tan boy with blue eyes.

After hours of sitting there, I realized I was laughing. My face actually ached, but somehow laughing felt good. We sat together till 2am, and before we parted he leaned in to kiss me. I backed away. I had too many emotions to process them all, but I knew I didn't want to be kissed. We didn't even hold hands.

On my first date with my husband, I didn't give him one hint of sexual attention, and yet somehow I had given him something even more intense, and valuable; intimacy.

When I talked he listened, and as he stared into my eyes I felt like I was truly being seen.

There is something intensely vulnerable about letting someone see you, the real you. Not the Instagram you with flawless filters, or the Twitter you that's the perfect blend of wit and charm.

There I was naked in front of him on this beach even though I was fully clothed. He saw me; a broken girl looking for answers on the edge of a pier, and somehow in his eyes at 2am I found them.

Sex is totally awesome, and also totally necessary, but sex outside of intimacy, won't do a dang thing for you. First things first, SEX IS NOT INTIMACY.

I say that in caps because I am actually yelling it. The truth, that I think a lot of us may not realize, is that sex won't make you fall in love.

This is something my female students get wrong all the time. They actually think that because they are sleeping with someone, they are in an intimate relationship with them. In Alice Frylings book, The 7 Lies about Sex, she puts it this way,

"But the truth is that physical union, genital sex, is an expression of intimacy, not a means to intimacy. True intimacy springs from verbal, emotional, spiritual, and physical communion. True intimacy is not primarily a sexual encounter. Intimacy, in fact, has almost nothing to do with our sex organs. A prostitute may expose her body, but her relationships are hardly intimate."

One of the best things I ever learned in the field of communications is this; intimacy is not sex, it is self-disclosure. High school and college girls get this wrong all the time. They think if they just sleep with him long enough, sultry enough, intense enough, than he will never be able to leave. It simply isn't true. If you want to make someone fall for you, sex has to come AFTER intimacy, and intimacy is something millennials seem to really struggle with.

We all fear rejection, but millennials seem to have mastered the art of running from it completely. Gone are the days where someone thinks someone is cute, and so they call their landline, and ask them out. That took guts. Today, all one must do is send a friend request, hit the like button, or download an app. The problem is that while these things may keep us safe from instant rejection, they also hinder us from one of the greatest elements of the human experience; connection.

A colleague came to me with a fantastic article last week about the science of falling in love. Because academics need to understand everything, it is not enough to just say someone "feels" a certain way when someone else is around. They have to put a logical order to everything, even love. So 20 years ago Dr. Arthur Aron decided to do a science experiment in his laboratory. He wanted to see if there was a magic formula to making people fall in love. He brought in 2 strangers had them discuss answers to 36 questions, and at the end, they were told to stare into each other's eyes for 4 minutes, without speaking.

The results were that, the two strangers did fall in love, and invited the entire science department to their wedding. Dr. Arons theory is essentially that love is an action, not a feeling, and that by engaging in intimacy with your partner, love happens.

Love thrives in an arena where trust and intimacy can occur. So while of course we can't force ourselves to love certain people, there are things we can do to try and foster those emotions, and intimacy is the key.

In communications we teach that love is a blended emotion. What that means is that there are 8 primary emotions, and all the other emotions are blended. Basically in order to create certain feelings, you have to experience two different emotions at the exact same time, and out of those 2 present emotions, love is born.

Love is a blended emotion comprising of trust and joy.

Here is where I will blow your mind; every time someone tells me how much they love their partner, they just keep cheating on them, or beating them, or hurting them, I tell them that words have power, so we have to use them correctly.

Rather than say how much you "love" your partner who is doing these terrible things to you, I need you to remember that love is a blended emotion comprising of trust and joy. It is not possible for you to love someone who you do not trust. Let me say that again, not sure if you heard me, love can only happen, when you simultaneously experience the emotions of trust and joy.

Blend those together, and only then do you have love. You cannot have one without the other, no matter how many times you keep telling yourself that that is exactly what you feel.

Love is ALWAYS a safe place. So rather than excuse their sins by saying you love them be more specific, say, "I have so much joy with them, they just cheat on me?" "I have so much joy with them, they just hit me?" "I have so much joy with them, they just hurt me." I love words, but the reason I love them is because when we use them correctly, our relationships come into focus. Once we stop using love to excuse bad behavior, since we cannot be experiencing love without trust, and we just use the word joy, we realize how foolish we sound, and hopefully are able to reevaluate the relationship.

On my first date with my husband, I wouldn't even let him kiss me, and yet the intensity of our night together far exceeded anything I have ever experienced in my entire life.

Sex won't make you fall in love, but apparently according to science, letting someone truly see you naked, even while fully clothed, will. TC mark

If You Aren’t Looking For A Serious Relationship, Why Are You Acting Like My Boyfriend?

Posted: 13 Dec 2016 05:00 PM PST

Thought.is
Thought.is

You’re confusing the hell out of me.

If you aren’t looking for a serious relationship, then why do you spend your nights and early mornings texting me? Why do you get jealous when I mention one of my guy friends? Why do you keep your weekends free so you can spend time with me?

You act like you’re my boyfriend. My friends call you my boyfriend. But you refuse to be labeled as my boyfriend.

Why?

We’re already doing all of the things that boyfriends and girlfriends do. We’re having sex. We’re eating meals together. We’re trading intimate details about our lives. And we’re not interested in seeing anybody else.

So what’s the problem? Are you afraid that someone’s feelings are going to get hurt if we make it official? Because, let me tell you something, we’re already in too deep. Label or not, if this ‘relationship’ between us ends, someone is going to get hurt. The feelings are already there, even if the title isn’t in place yet.

So stop acting like we’re just friends. Friends don’t press their lips against your neck. Friends don’t look into your eyes as they orgasm. Friends don’t fall asleep in your arms and pull you closer as they dream.

You can’t keep treating me like your best friend, like your girlfriend, and then chicken out by claiming you aren’t looking for a serious relationship. We’re already in a serious relationship — without the title. I mean, does it really matter what we call it at this point? What matters is how we behave. And we behave like boyfriend and girlfriend.

You behave like you’re falling in love with me.

It’s not that I’m fooling myself into believing your feelings are just as strong as mine are. I’ve been there before. I know when I’m lying to myself, when I’m misreading a situation. But what we have is real. You’re just not ready to admit it. You’re just not ready to date me, even though we’ve basically been dating for months.

I know you like me more than you let on, but that doesn’t mean you get a free pass to play with my heart. And if I’m honest, I really don’t feel like getting hurt again. So you need to make a decision. You need to sort out your baggage and accept that you have feelings for me — accept that I’m your girlfriend and that you’re my boyfriend. Or you need to let me go before things get even more complicated.

I’m not asking for much. All I want is for you to start calling me your partner. Not your friends with benefits. Not your booty call. Not your fuck buddy. Your partner. And, if I believe your actions over your words, you want exactly the same thing as I do.

So, come on already, let’s make it official. TC mark

17 Men On The Painfully Honest Way They Fell In Love With Their FWB

Posted: 13 Dec 2016 04:00 PM PST

Brandon Woelfel
Brandon Woelfel

1. “We slept together once a week for about a year. After about 9 months I realized I had really deep feelings for her, at 12 months I confessed them to her. That was 7 years ago and now we are married with a two-year-old.”

2. “I was sleeping with other people, and I made that clear to her. I was in my ‘having fun’ stage and I wanted to rack up some numbers, as gross as that makes me sound. But when you meet someone who is fun and good in bed and a genuinely good person, you can’t just say goodbye to them. I didn’t know if I would meet someone like her again when I was ready, so I decided I was ready now and lucky she felt the same way.”

3. “I went it to it “knowing” it was going to be a short-term, casual thing. We met on Tinder where I specifically told her I was only looking for a fwb. I had gone through a really bad breakup a few months earlier and I definitely wasn’t read to jump in again, I just wanted someone to hook up with occasionally. We saw each other once or twice a month for a year, very casually, before things started really heating up. We were perfect together in and out of bed. It became clear that we should just be together. We actually talked and decided to become exclusive before we’d ever been on a date outside one of our apartments together!”

4. “After a few months we fell for each other but we also knew we were completely incompatible. We wanted different lives and it wasn’t fair to either of us to make it work so we broke it off.”

5. “I truly thought I didn’t deserve her and she’d never feel the same way about me, which is why I never pushed for anything beyond FWB. She was beautiful and successful and had a lot of friends, I was living with my parents and trying to get my life together. One day she told me she was seeing someone else and caught the hurt look in my eye. Confused, she pressed me about why I’d be hurt when I was the one keeping her at an arms distance. I realized how stupid I was being and told her how lucky I’d be if she wanted to be with me. We’ve been together ever since.”

6. “Maybe some people can sleep with someone consistently without falling for them, but I can’t. I was attracted with her enough to sleep with her, initially, and the more we started hanging out laughing in bed and talking, the more I liked her as a person. It just made sense that we’d start dating.”

7. “We got closer and closer the longer we knew each other. Sometimes we weren’t even having sex when we hung out anymore — and I was fine with that. We just gradually became a couple and I couldn’t be happier about it.”

8. “I fell for her and I knew she didn’t feel the same way. I kept sleeping with her which was a big mistake and I fell into a pretty bad depression. I understood why the expression is “breaking” your heart because I really felt, physically, that that’s what happened.”

9. “We said it was going to be just casual for both of us, but we’re engaged now. When it’s the right person, it’s the right person.”

10. “I fell in love with her very quickly, she wasn’t like my exes. There was something about those nights with her in my arms that made me open up to the possibility of being together. She had kind of entered into the agreement with that notion, so we started officially dating after just a month of trying to be casual.”

11. “I have a ‘failed’ fwb relationship in the sense that we are now married. We were good friends before we decided to start sleeping together with no promises or strings attached, but of course that only deepened our bond and brought us close together. We were inseparable soon after, that was 9 years ago.”

12. “About a year ago I met a promising girl on Tinder, but I was planning to move to another city within the next 6-months. It was a dream I had that I was about to act on, but my feelings for her made me stay. Even though we weren’t in love, it was the most loving, passionate sex I’d ever had. She makes me feel completely loved and cared for in and out of the bedroom. I don’t regret it at all, I’ve never been happier.”

13. “I was in a fwb situation with a girl I could have loved, but it was the wrong time for me and I told her that upfront. She fell, I didn’t (or at least, I was more rational about the fact that we didn’t have a future). It sucked for both of us and I’ll always have ‘what if…’ feelings about her.”

14. “I’d had a few FWB relationships before, but not like this. We always spent the night, it wasn’t a question. We cuddled like we were lovers. She was always touching me, even if we were just watching TV getting ready to wind down and go to bed together. The feeling of closeness we developed was intoxicating. After a few months I told her I had to be with her officially or walk away. Thankfully she agreed.”

15. “She didn’t want a relationship and I wanted her in any capacity I could have her, so I agreed to FWB even though I knew I would probably get hurt. I slept with her and pursued more for two years, but she never came around. I finally got the resolve to walk away, but it was almost a year before I stopped hurting over her.”

16. “I think FWB is actually the ideal way to start a relationship. It’s fun and casual and you quickly get to know who a person really is, not just the mask they put on to try to impress you. All three of my girlfriends started out as FWB including the girl I’m currently dating.”

17. “We called it FWB but right from the start it was more boyfriend/girlfriend, we just didn’t go on official dates. We’d spend weekends in bed together, cooking nice dinners, watching TV, and relaxing together. We loved each other’s company and missed the other person when they weren’t around. It got to the point where I couldn’t imagine waking up and not being able to text her, or not being able to go to sleep with my arms wrapped around her. It was stupid to not express more of this at the beginning, but it worked out because we’ve been together for three years and we’ve been talking about getting married.” TC mark

Date Someone That Does These 30 Things As Instinctively As His Heart Beats

Posted: 13 Dec 2016 03:00 PM PST

Twenty20, NickBulanovv
Twenty20, NickBulanovv

1. Date someone that urges you to tell your friends that he says hello whenever you get a text from one of them.

2. Date someone that will sit through a movie with you that he’s already seen, so he can watch your reactions to it all.

3. Date someone that will find a fancy spot to take you on a date, because he knows you want to show off the new dress you just bought.

4. Date someone that will Tweet about your accomplishments when you’re too modest to do so yourself.

5. Date someone that snaps pictures of you, even when you feel like a mess, because he thinks you look absolutely beautiful. 

6. Date someone that slows down with his drinking when you speed up, so he can stay sober and take care of you.

7. Date someone that blasts the radio when your favorite song comes on, even if it’s one he can’t stand.

8. Date someone that looks at you the same way your dog does when you first step through the door.

9. Date someone that kisses you on the forehead as often as he kisses you on the lips.

10. Date someone that will pull you closer when you’ve had a bad dream and will stay awake with you until you’ve calmed down.

11. Date someone that will DVR some silly talk show without being asked, because your favorite celebrity was being interviewed on it.

12. Date someone that only drives with one hand on the wheel, because he’s busy holding your hand with the other.

13. Date someone that will come up with a believable excuse to leave a party when he realizes that you want to go home.

14. Date someone that won’t be able to fall asleep until they get a text saying you got home safe.

15. Date someone that will touch your butt in public when no one else is looking.

16. Date someone that will tell his family about you long before you meet them, so they know who you are the second they see you.

17. Date someone that always apologizes after arguments, because he hates being the reason behind your tears.

18. Date someone that stops walking to pet any dog he sees on the street, because he loves animals as much as you do.

19. Date someone that will drive you to the tattoo parlor, so he can hold your hand while you get the work done.

20. Date someone that will order an extra large container of fries, because he knows you’re going to end up stealing some.

21. Date someone that will spend money at the cinema, even though you want to see a kid’s movie that will be out on DVD soon.

22. Date someone that knows how to prepare a homemade meal and knows the number for the closest Chinese restaurant.

23. Date someone that will call you by a ridiculous nickname that makes you laugh every time you hear it.

24. Date someone that loves the feel of your skin, even if you didn’t get the chance to shave that day.

25. Date someone that doesn’t snap at you when you give him an attitude, because he knows you had a rough day and didn’t mean it.

26. Date someone that can tell you’re crying by the hitch in your voice, even if you’re facing away from him.

27. Date someone that is willing to give up his extra pillow or blanket so that you’re more comfortable.

28. Date someone that steers the conversation in a new direction when someone asks you a question that he knows you’re uncomfortable with.

29. Date someone that chooses to go grocery shopping with you, even though you could’ve gone on your own.

30. Date someone that passionately kisses you as soon as you see him, whether you were out for an hour or haven’t seen him for days. TC mark

How To Love A Girl Who Has Never Loved Before

Posted: 13 Dec 2016 02:00 PM PST

Elliott Dunning
Elliott Dunning

This girl is truly special. She is beautiful. She has gone through crush after crush, with no success. She has had a few glimmers of hope here and there, but she has never been in love. She has no idea what it feels like to truly be loved.

If she lets you into her life, know that this is a rare occurrence. Not because she is a prude or because she is shy, but because, she knows her worth. She knows what she deserves.

So, if she lets you into her life, know that she thinks you are special. And know that this is a big deal for her.

When you take her out on dates, don’t expect her to immediately dive into her life stories. Don’t assume she will be her usual talkative self. She is nervous. She is probably self conscious. Remember, this is a huge deal for her. This is special.

When you kiss her for the first time, make sure she is ready. She doesn’t just kiss anyone. Make sure you kiss her sweetly, and gently. She isn’t a delicate helpless girl, but in this moment her heart is pounding uncontrollably. Her knees are probably shaking with nerves. So, make sure you do it right. When the time is right.

When you ask to be her boyfriend, don’t freak out when she hesitates. This has nothing to do with you. Trust that she is only thinking this hard about it because she likes you. She truly likes you. And she’s never been this close to love before. She’s going to say ‘yes’. Just give her a moment.

Show her that she should trust that it was a good thing she waited this long. Show her you were worth the wait. And that all the years without love were worth it because now, she has you.

Show her that you are the real deal.

Show her you aren’t going to leave when things get serious like the rest of them. Show her that she wasn’t stupid for waiting for love. Show her that, this was the smartest decision she could make, because it led her to you.

And when you fall in love with her, which you will, say it. Don’t hold back. Look into her eyes, and hold her close, and say those three words. And watch her eyes open wide, and watch them gleam with tears of joy. Watch her look into your eyes, awestruck that this is finally happening.

This is what love feels like. Now she finally knows. It’s when you don’t hesitate to say it back. And she found it with you.

Hear her say those words back to you. And say it again and again, so she can taste and touch love in the palm of her hand. Cherish this moment and most importantly, cherish her. You are the first person she has ever loved. And if you’re lucky, you’ll be the only one. TC mark

Why You Haven’t Found Your Forever Person Yet, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Posted: 13 Dec 2016 01:00 PM PST

Twenty20, courtash10
Twenty20, courtash10

Aries: March 21st – April 19th

You’re not ready to find love yet, because you haven’t made the most of your single life. There are still places in the world you need to see and strangers you need to sleep with. You aren’t meant to find your forever person until you experience as much as the world as possible, so you’re not filled with regret once it’s time to settle down in one place with one person.

Taurus: April 20th – May 20th

You haven’t found your forever person yet, because work has been taking up all of your time. But don’t worry, because you don’t have to choose between your career and love life. You can have it all. You just have to reorganize your time, so you have enough time for work and for play.

Gemini: May 21st – June 20th

You haven’t found your forever person yet, because you haven’t learned enough about yourself yet. You have an idea of what you want, but you’re still unsure. That’s why you need to take some “me time” to figure out what makes you tick, what turns you on, and what kind of person you can imagine spending eternity with.

Cancer: June 21st – July 22nd

You haven’t found your forever person yet, because you’ve been scaring potential suitors off. I know you don’t like hookup culture, but you can’t get obsessed with the idea of finding your future husband. The next time you have a date, relax. Take things one day at a time. You can’t fast-forward through the puppy love phase and skip right to marriage.

Leo: July 23rd – August 22nd

You haven’t found your forever person yet, because you’re so damn independent. You’re always preaching about how you can survive without a man, but that doesn’t mean you have to keep your heart locked in a cage. Put your guard down. Open yourself up to love. If you keep pushing people away, they’ll keep leaving.

Virgo: August 23rd – September 22nd

You haven’t found your forever person yet, because you’re still thinking about your ex. It’s not necessarily that you have lingering feelings for them. You’re just upset that things didn’t work out and are worried that you’ll get hurt again. But if you want to find your forever person, you have to be open to second love. You have to let the painful memories go.

Libra: September 23rd – October 22nd

You haven’t found your forever person yet, because you’ve let your shyness get the best of you. You never text first. You never smile at men you find attractive. You never admit how you feel to men you’re lucky enough to sleep with. You let them walk in and out of your life without letting them know how much they mean to you. But if you want to find love, you have to be more honest about your emotions. Make the first move if you have to.

Scorpio: October 23rd – November 21st

You haven’t found your forever person yet, because you’re not sure if they exist. You’re highly skeptical of love, marriage, and everything in between. You’ve successfully convinced yourself that you’re going to be alone forever so that you don’t end up disappointed. But that mindset is actually bringing you down. You have to strive to be more optimistic.

Sagittarius: November 22nd – December 21st

You haven’t found your forever person, because you’re still not over your fear of commitment. Whenever you get close to someone, you pull yourself away, because you’re worried about what will happen if you let them into your life. But if you want to find love, you can’t run away when things get rough. And you can’t assume your relationship is going to end in failure. You have to have high hopes.

Capricorn: December 22nd – January 19th

You haven’t found your forever person, because you can’t stand criticism. The second someone argues with you or expects you to make a reasonable change, you lose interest in them. You want them to like you exactly the way you are, which isn’t a bad thing, but you have to remember that serious relationships require compromises.

Aquarius: January 20th – February 18th

You haven’t found your forever person yet, because your expectations are sky high. It’s healthy to have standards, but you’re never going to find someone that looks and acts exactly like Ed Sheeran. Try to keep your expectations high, but realistic.

Pisces: February 19th – March 20th

You haven’t found your forever person yet, because you’re scared of change. The idea of moving in with someone is terrifying. Hell, the idea of going on a date is terrifying. You like things the way they are now. You don’t want to put in the effort it takes to find love. But that’s the thing. You need to put in work if you want to find your forever person. TC mark

Read more by Holly Riordan in her new book If You Were Still Alive, available here.

if-you-were-still-alive-holly-riordan_perspective