Thought Catalog

14 Men And Women Reveal The Downright Sexiest Thing EVER Said To Them

Posted: 16 Dec 2016 08:00 PM PST



I walked up to the desk of a senior executive’s secretary:

Me: Hey, can I borrow your pencil sharpener? Her: Of course, you can borrow anything you want. Me: Thank y…. Her: Including me.

I should add that this is in the Middle East and she is an attractive twenty something, so it all took me by surprise and made it even hotter.

— Teikbo


After giving a stranger a cigarette she said “at least I’ll have something of yours in my mouth tonight” as she started to walk off.

— ulfberhto


Finally went to have drinks with a girl that was always very flirtatious. We were always bantering back and forth. She is asking me about my recently departed relationship, etc.

I’m mid sip on my beer and she says “I’d fuck you.”

No long before check please, and we were in the front seat of her car making out and putting hands places.

We went to a hotel, I didn’t have a condom, went away for 5 minutes to get said condom, she had passed out.

Never did get to fuck her. We’re now both married to other people.

— TxRugby


My partner and I were trying a new position and as I was riding him, pleasure overtook me. I’m normally pretty good about making sure the angles work for both of us, but in the state of absolute ecstacy, I half-heartedly muted “is this good for you?” To which he responded “be selfish,” as a whisper into my ear. Hands down the sexiest thing anyone has said to me.

— kelsitear


While drunk outside of a bar I confessed to an old friend that I had fantasized about sleeping with her years before. Her response: “you know I’m a slut, right?”

The rest is history.

— jcepiano


“Take me into the bathroom and fuck me”

A female friend whispered this into my ear at a packed restaurant while surrounded by other friends.

— cowgodx


I was dry humping the shit out of her and I whispered in her ear: “I want you” She replied with: “then take me”


— KidArchaic


No words. Just a primal growl. Sent shivers to my core.

— MaikeruNeko


I started working working at a new company and there was an attractive girl in my office. We would have friendly conversations that would border flirty at times.

The one day we are talking about good places to eat. She mentions a place that she she thinks I would enjoy and I jokingly say, “what happens if I don’t like it?” She pauses, stares right at me with a serious look and says, “What if you do what I say and like it?” Then walks away and looks back over her shoulder and smirks.

— CptSlw


My GF messed up her pills so we had to have sex with condoms for a while. She seemed really bummed out about it so I asked “Does it really make a difference that I don’t come inside?” and without skipping a beat she went “thats the best part!”. Realized she really liked getting filled up. Pretty dirty, but really hot.

— crashing_this_thread


“You taste good this morning” as I wake up to her giving me head before work.

— graviecakes


[on the highway at night] “I need you to pull over anywhere you can” lifts off sundress to reveal total nudity, “I need you inside me now!”

— fourtaco TC mark

23 Men Reveal The Absolute WORST Sexual Experience Of Their Lives

Posted: 16 Dec 2016 07:00 PM PST

Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz / lookcatalog
Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz / lookcatalog
Found on AskReddit.

1. Her false eye popped out and I felt it on my balls.

"Met girl at rave. Went to cemetery. Getting beej, she deep throated, her false eye I was unaware of came out.

Felt it on my balls.



2. There was a swamp-green streak in her panties that smelled like a fish’s asshole.

"Was back in high school. Things were getting hot and heavy until I tried taking her pants off. There was a swamp-green streak in her panties that smelled like a fish’s asshole. We didn’t even get to the sex part and I still consider it the worst sex I’ve ever had. It still haunts me to this day."


3. My balls got tickled by her fart.

"With my now ex-wife. Standard sexy-time up to a point (kissing, boob play, a little oral), then I go to put it in. She farts. I felt it tickle my balls.

It tickled my balls, man. You can’t keep going after that. I’m a nurse and not much grosses me out but…My balls got tickled by her fart."


4. I lay there….unspent and sad.

"Does masturbation count? I'm going to tell it anyways.

I was having a dry period of about a month. I woke up after a really vivid wet dream and tried to rub it out.

I proceeded to slip in and out of consciousness for a good ten minutes, rubbing it until it is hard, falling half asleep for a minute, waking up again, rubbing it again. After those ten minutes, I just gave up. I lay there….unspent and sad."


5. I was gagging the entire time.

"Was quite drunk and in a miserable period in my life where I’d fuck just about anything. Hooked up with a neighbor’s friend. She had dreads. I was gagging the entire time. Barely managed to finish. Showered for what felt like an eternity after."


6. She shit right in my hand.

"I pulled out to give myself a break, we were in the doggy position. I started fingering her and she started to orgasm. She shit right in my hand. :("


7. I threw up on her snatch.

"I went down on a girl and it smelled exactly like an Arby’s cheddar melt. I threw up on her snatch, and that wasn’t a deal breaker for her. It just made her want it more. She knew I liked it a little rough, from previous conversations, and so she straight up launched herself, puke beef cootchie and all, right onto my face and starts grinding. I was so caught off be-fucking-wildered that I froze, internally screaming 'this is a bad dream. This has got to be a bad fucking dream.' Meanwhile in grind town, the aroma of Arby’s and half-digested oatmeal smeared my face as I finally screamed in horror and ran out.

You try getting that out of your beard."


8. She insisted on watching What's Eating Gilbert Grape? while blowing me.

"Ended up losing my virginity to my first girlfriend while watching What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? I asked her if we could maybe turn it off, at which point she removed my penis from her mouth and said, 'But it’s my favorite movie?'"


9. It was like my penis rolled a sticky tear.

"I had a pretty sad jerk off the other night.

I guess my heart wasn’t into it or something but the run up to the orgasm started fine but then it just became a chore. I kept thinking about other stuff. My arm was getting tired. I farted mid-way through and the smell was a distraction.

I start to cum and it immediately got soft and just like seeped out. No energy behind it at all. No happiness or excitement. It was like my penis rolled a sticky tear.

Then my dick was like a sad old drunk slumping into a puddle of his own sick. I just sat there all heavy with shame for a few seconds as this gif looping on my monitor that, with the haze of arousal fizzled, was just awkward and weird. All titties being mashed and slapped around like they owed someone money.

Then I got a sandwich and played Minecraft."


10. I found out in the most painful way that I was in fact too big for her once her teeth shredded my dick and filled her mouth with blood.

"Was dating a girl a few years back and after a month of intense make out sessions and heavy petting we decided it was time to take things to the next level. It started off well enough when she pulled out my junk and exclaimed I was the biggest she’d seen, and she was proud of her ability to deep throat and was insistent she could take me on. So without any warm up at all she tries to shove my entire dry dick down her throat and I found out in the most painful way that I was in fact too big for her once her teeth shredded my dick and filled her mouth with blood. We didn’t get to the sex part due to my crying :("


11. I accidentally told a girl I loved her and proceeded to have awkward coitus.

"I was once having sex with a girl I’d been dating for a few weeks. I thought she said 'I love you' so I was like 'Oh I love you too' but she actually just said something completely different. She stopped dead and questioned what I’d said, but I just said never mind and carried on. TL;DR I accidentally told a girl I loved her and proceeded to have awkward coitus."


12. She kindly informs me I wasn’t in and was rubbing between her ass cheeks and sheets the whole time.

"First time I ever did it. I was thrusting hard and doing well, so I thought. Then she kindly informs me I wasn’t in and was rubbing between her ass cheeks and sheets the whole time. I almost came from that."


13. I banged a hoarder in the closet of her smelly apartment. Afterwards she fished an old condom out of her pussy.

"So, I'm at a bar and I start working on a girl. She's pretty hot. We dance, we drink, we talk. She makes it pretty clear she wants to go back to my place. At one point, she was even joking how it's been forever since she’s been laid.

I'm only in town visiting a friend and crashing on his couch so I insist on going to her place. Initially she resists the idea but I elaborate on the couch thing, plus he lives super far away, he doesn't have a car so I don't know how she would get home, etc., etc. Eventually she caves.

She lives walking distance away in a pretty nice apartment building. We go up the elevator and when we get to her front door she warns me that she shares a 1 bedroom apartment with a roommate and that, 'It's a little bit messy.'

She opens the door; we go in and I'm slapped across the face with the stench of weeks-old garbage and a pile of dishes festering in the sink. I have no idea how someone could live with that smell emanating from their kitchen but perhaps even worse is the whole place looks like an episode of hoarders. Junk is everywhere. It covers every conceivable surface, and is several feet thick in some places with piles of laundry and random items littered across the floor.

At this point, a better man would have called it. Thanked her for the lovely evening and taken a very lonely but far more sanitary cab ride back home. But it's been a while for me and she's probably the hottest chick I've ever landed. So instead her and I waded through the piles of garbage to make our way to her 'bedroom.'

She leads me to a windowless room that I can only describe as a closet. Its barely large enough for a single mattress, which is placed directly on the floor. We are surrounded on all sides by piles of junk and clothes but I'm relieved to be away from the chaos and stink that is her kitchen.

We go in and I close the door behind us and we are plunged into blackness. There are no lights in the room. She fumbles around and says 'Just a second!' while she rummages through her purse, takes out her cellphone, activates the flashlight app, and MacGyver’s the worlds saddest desk lamp by propping it up on a pile of dirty clothes.

We get down to business. At this point I'm so thoroughly disgusted with myself that I'm having trouble getting ready for action. Fortunately (or perhaps unfortunately), she sucks dick like a champ and we get things underway. I put on a condom and we're off to the races. At this point all I want to do is blow my load and make my escape from this smelly dungeon.

Then she stops me: 'Wait a second… I think the condom broke.' My heart immediately seizes up and sinks to the pit of my stomach as I consider the possibility of being connected to this hot mess and her garbage dungeon for 18 years.

I withdraw and she sticks her finger into her pussy, fishes out a broken condom, and flings it at the wall. As she's rummaging through her trash heap looking for another condom I look down and I notice something. I'm still wearing a condom… And its totally intact.

tl;dr I banged a hoarder in the closet of her smelly apartment. Afterwards she fished an old condom out of her pussy."


14. I projectile-vomited from the realization I had been banging a 15-year-old for a month.

"This one is sad and I’m disgusted with myself for a reason that will become clear. I was 21 and had been dating this girl who was 18. I met her mother and they were even talking about how they were planning her 19th birthday party and how she couldn’t believe how fast her little girl was growing up and her mom even said her daughter scored big time landing a handsome 21-year-old man yadda yadda. It was weird and felt like I was missing an inside joke. Fast forward a month and lots of pretty good sex.

We had left party at a beach house to fuck in my car. She gets sick and vomits at one point, super drunk, but thankfully she managed to vomit outside the car. We keep going at it, or trying to; I was drunk myself and drunk me and erections don't work so well, windows had fogged up and the car was rocking.

There’s a sharp knock at the window that I ignored, kept fucking. Then there’s another knock and its insistent. I get angry at this point and yell 'leave me alone, we are fucking!' I thought it was a friend looking for us. Nope. I was met by a blinding light being shown and an obvious cop tone telling us to exit the vehicle.

Two cops were outside and asked if we were at the party because they had a noise complaint. Yup. I’m freaking out because she’s clearly wasted and she was only 18. I was 21 so I just knew I would be hit with a charge for supplying alcohol to an underage person. The dreaded question comes up. 'How old are you?' I responded with 'I'm 21 sir, but I haven’t supplied any alcohol to anyone but myself.' Cop smirks but looks at my GF and asks her her age.

She looks around shyly, albeit drunkenly, and says 'Fifteen.' It took me a moment to clock it but the cops looking at me wide-eyed confirmed what I thought must have been a misheard statement. The moment the statement was confirmed was met by a 'What the fucking fuck!?!' scream of disbelief and projectile vomit from the realization I had been banging a 15-year-old for a month. She did not look like she was that young.

I immediately went on a rant about how I met her mom and how the fuck that was even possible. Apparently my reaction was so genuine that the cops believed it. They even had the girl call her mom and her mother confirmed that they had lied to me. All I received that night was being pulled aside by cops and a lecture about checking girls' IDs."


15. The smell—like wet garbage in the hot sun—hit me.

"Back when I was in law school, there was a girl, M. M was a wholesome gal from Wisconsin: blonde hair, blue eyes, a slight gap in her front teeth. A real girl-next-door type (in the traditional, non-porno sense). She grew up on a dairy farm.

M was what we called 'law school hot'—late 20s (and just starting to show it), slightly pudgy, finally trying harder to dress professionally than to dress sexy, generally attractive, but didn’t really stand out in a crowd. Her biggest asset—literally—was her awesome rack. To quote Fight Club, they hung enormous, the way you’d think of God’s as big. Her daddy would have been lucky to have a milk cow endowed like her.

It was the end of our first semester, which for new 1Ls is a huge deal. (The stress during the initial year in law school is tremendous; if you’ve ever seen the movie Paper Chase, it’s 100% accurate.) The tradition at my law school was for everyone to saunter over to the bar a block away after their last exam and hang out. M and I had a friendly relationship up until that point, so when I saw her walk through the door, I waved her over and she joined our group of about ten or so.

At some point—prompted in part, I’m sure, by large quantities of booze—we of course started talking about sex, and because one of the guys with us was gay, the topic of anal sex came up. After a bit, M admitted that she had never tried anal. I was drunk and feeling saucy, so I said, ‘We should rectify that.' 'Rectum-ify,' she giggled back, and at that moment, I decided to put all of my drunken intellect towards coming in her back door before the night was out.

After a few hours our group was dwindling, but some of us were determined to continue celebrating for a while longer and M was looking like she was ready to head out. She needed to eat, she said, and was running out of cash, too. We still had about 3/4 of a pizza left, and I was trying to convince her to stay, so I offered to buy her next drink if she’d stick around.

When I came back with her drink—something with tequila, I believe—she turned to me and said, 'I shouldn’t be eating this, I’m lactose-intolerant. I hope you’re happy, because I’m doing this for you.'

After that round, more people headed out, and M couldn’t be persuaded to stay. But I wasn’t ready to give up, so I offered to walk her home, since our apartments were next to each other, and only a few blocks away. When we got to her place, she invited me in. We went through the standard fooling around routine, ending up naked and horizontal in her bed.

Emboldened by earlier conversation, M’s apparent enthusiasm, and a large dose of alcohol, I eventually suggested that we try anal, and M agreed. After some shuffling, we ended up with her on top so that she could control the depth and speed, and for a few minutes, I was happily watching M’s magnificent mammaries jiggle around while she gingerly bounced on my rod.

After a few minutes, her expression switched from drunken sex stupor to pain and fear. Assuming I had hurt her somehow, I began to push her off of me, but she told me to wait. Sudden pressure and heat on my tool tipped me off to her digestive distress, and I could feel something trickling down my balls. I started to get up again, but she said, 'No, please. Stay inside. Just for a minute.' I protested, but she was panicked, and begged me to help her to the bathroom before I pulled out.

We flailed around for a moment, and awkwardly switched to doggy style. We tried to shuffle to the bathroom, but drunkenness, the physical difficulty of the act, and the sheer ridiculousness of it all meant we didn’t make much progress. In a moment of inebriated genius, I hoisted her up by the hips and suggested she walk on her hands.

It turns out that wheelbarrowing a crying drunk girl across her apartment with your dick stuck in her ass isn’t particularly sexy, and a combination of internal pressure and my rapidly deflating member caused what is probably best referred to as an uncorking.

I watched in slow-mo horror as a fountain of diarrhea blasted out of her butthole, point-blank into my crotch. Spattering my torso. And my arms. And my face. And I dropped her. She hit the ground, hard, sobbing. The smell—like wet garbage in the hot sun—hit me. I was painted from waist down with her special brand of brownie batter.

I was in shock. I just stood there, dumbfounded, staring at this poor girl, suffering the world’s worst case of mudbutt, crying on the floor of her shitty apartment, shit oozing out of her ass, shit dripping off of me.

But as horrible as the sight and the smell were, the worst was the sound. That sound will haunt me for the rest of my life. No language on Earth can approximate the cacophony of her crapping everywhere. It was a combination of the most over-the-top whoopee cushion, someone snapping gum through their teeth, and the glug of a water cooler. That sound blared above all, the way classical music plays during the hero’s against-all-odds rush into death in war movies. The sobbing was a distant drone, almost outside my notice, but the burbling of her bowels was deafening, in perfect sonorous clarity.

I must have stood there for maybe 10 seconds, but it felt like an hour. In a daze I pulled my pants on, then ran out the door. I mean ran. I sprinted. I left my shirt, my shoes, my socks, my boxers. All of it was abandoned in my mad dash to get home. People on the street saw me, but I didn’t care. I ran the 100 yards to my apartment door, past everyone, and I threw myself in the shower, and I cried."


16. She yelps like a pup and I spent the next 15 minutes cradling her as she whimpers, calling me an idiot.

"Was having sex with my girlfriend at the time she's this cute little thing but really strong (she actually joined the Army later) anyway she's on top, I grab her and pull her to me and flip her onto her back and now I’m on top. She fucking loves it. She decides she wants to put her hands in my hair, small problem her one arm is in between my hand holding me up (This was spontaneous hiking in the woods and on top of a picnic blanket sex and not soft bed sex) and her body. She decides to quickly pull her hand out just as I was thrusting. She knocks out my support and I start to fall so I lift my other hand and throw it to center the balance. Her seeing my fall turns to her side so we don't whack skulls. Now this girl weighs 110 soaking wet, I’m 250lbs. My center balancing position threw my hand down at Mach 1 with 250lbs behind it directly onto her breast. She yelps like a pup and I spent the next 15 minutes cradling her as she whimpers, calling me an idiot."


17. I lasted like 4 pumps max.

"tl;dr Couldn’t get it up and repeatedly embarrassed myself night after night for two weeks.

So I met this girl overseas. She was also American and was working in the same area I was. Short, great curves, cute face, overall way hot. Started talking to her on Facebook, and found out she was an awesome conversationalist and that we had a lot of personality traits in common. Unfortunately, things didn’t escalate quickly enough before I ended up going home for a few months.

While I was home, we kept talking of Facebook and really really hit it off. Flirting became sex references became overt 'I want to have sex with you.' This went on for like two months. We were Skyping and messaging all day long. We even discussed that we would be making out and banging as soon as I got back.

Finally got back and saw her again, and we immediately went back to my room and got down to it. 0-100mph in the space of about 10 mins, and we hadn’t even had a sip of alcohol.

I really liked this girl. A lot. Too much. So much that my nerves overruled my basic biological functions and I went soft as a bar rag as soon as she was above me about to put it in. Try as we might, there was no getting me stiff again. I’d never had trouble keeping it up (while sober) before and was highly surprised and disappointed with myself. I’d also never had this strong of an affection for someone before ever having sex with them.

Freshly inspired by some illuminating time with a therapist back home, I decided that honesty with her and with myself was the best policy here and just explained that I was nervous as shit and didn’t think I could be performing tonight. She hid her disappointment very well. We cuddled up and went to bed.

I woke up in the middle of the night, hard as a diamond, and decided to try again. Minimum amount of foreplay and I lasted like 4 pumps max. She actually thanked me for waking her up to try again!

I could get plenty hard enough when we tried from there on out, but as soon as the shuttle approached for reentry, all the heat shielding melted away, the structure collapsed, and the crew went down in burning flames. My nerves persisted with no sign of relenting with her over the next few days.

This saint blew me every day and I disappointed this woman who wanted my cock so bad every day for like two weeks. She stuck around enthusiastic and persistent (which blows my mind because she could have left and pulled any slab of hot meat she wanted) for two weeks. Expecting her to give up and leave made me even more nervous, but she never did.

Finally, in a night of just the right amount of tipsy, I pulled it off! Had drunk, short, sloppy sex, but I was mildly reassured that I at least was capable.
Over the next few days, I gradually got over my nerves enough to at least keep hard enough to penetrate. When I was finally batting 100 instead of zero, we basically opened the floodgates and fucked at least daily for months. Sex got better and better and she stuck around.

She moved in with me last summer and I can’t imagine a cooler girlfriend."


18. We get 4, maybe 5 thrusts in before the girl’s friend barges into the room and starts screaming bloody murder.

"Coincidentally my first go at sex…. Party at a good friends’ house, talk to a girl all night and end up in one of my friend’s bedroom, my friends were siblings, this is important because my friend had gotten in trouble earlier in the week with her mother resulting in her door knob being removed so she couldn’t lock the door. Things are getting hot and heavy, clothes are off, dick is slid in, and we get 4, maybe 5 thrusts in before the girl’s friend barges into the room and starts screaming bloody murder, for no reason beyond being a drunk high school girl encountering an awkward interaction, whole room rushes in as the girl sits, petrified, on top of my softening dick."


19. Girl blew me. Somehow she made it boring.

"Girl blew me.

Somehow she made it boring.

Also dry like desert.

Painful, could not convince her to do something else.

Her begging me to cum had opposite effect it should have. Normally wind blows I cum, but not this day.

Finally take matters into my own hands (A, normally wouldn’t want to, B, she stopped me every time before she developed lockjaw an hour in) finish myself in her mouth.

Collapse from exhaustion and sadness.

She tells me she loves me.

This was our first sexual encounter of any kind.

Bizzaro world of future with her as my wife getting blow jobs I somehow don’t want every night flashes before my eyes.

I bolt.

She proclaims as I fade out of sight, 'that was the best I’ve ever given.'

Her roommates were in living room, though I didn’t see them, I’m sure they  shook their heads.



20. The whole time I was thinking, 'I'm gonna fucking die.'

"She was drunk, I was drunker, it was like trying to stab someone with a piece of soft rope, so I had some…enhancement pills, not a great combo being drunk, horny and all worked up so I basically ended up at near heart attack levels of strain on my heart, I mean I did it and she seemed happy enough, but the whole time I was thinking 'I'm gonna fucking die, I’m gonna die fucking someone in doggy and pin her down with my body when I do.'

Ironically I bet that made me last longer. Also when I woke up I was still erect."


21. And that, ladies and gents, is how I began the year of 2016 by contracting syphilis.

"She was 5 foot nothing, perky breasts, and a shapely backside. Cute as a button.

She laid next to me on her single mattress in the dingy apartment room she was forced to rent in order to dance in the local strip joint of my home town. Both of us fairly hung over, though no less frisky for it.

As we lay there dozing in and out of sleep, and mumbling conversation her intentions for my company became clearer the more often her ass made its way to grinding against my groin.

Bedraggled state of affairs I was in, I tried to ignore her silent request for attention. Whether a result of anxiety at being in bed with a real live exotic dancer, the effects of my diet consisting solely of beer and cigarettes for 3 days solid, or a combination of both, junior was not up to the task.

However my companion was determined. Given her increased advances I refused to allow myself to miss the opportunity of bedding a stripper. Reaching a free hand into my boxers, I began to tug one out.

After a brief minute of awakening my member, I felt sufficiently hard enough to see through the task at hand. Rolling over into a spooning position I guided my cock to her awaiting opening, and did my damndest to enter her.

Unfortunately it became obvious that my wedding tackle wasn’t sufficiently warmed up, as I began pushing rope after acquainting myself with the first couple inches of her vulva.

Propping my would-be lover onto her knees, I assumed my position behind her and tried to go to work once more. I attended her vagina with one free hand while stimulating my rod with the other.

It only occurred to me after the first few strokes how long my willy had gone without attention. Before I could rethink my strategy-or convince junior to take any other form besides that of an over cooked pasta noodle-I felt an all too familiar sensation rushing through my vas.

I tried to clamp my trouser snake in a death grip as a last-ditch effort to stop the inevitable, but to no avail. Bat and balls pulsed in unison, erupting a fountain of jism far more enthusiastic than I would have expected given the setting. It was all over.

Kneeling there, unbelieving, I looked brokenly to the web of cum enveloping my hand and the considerable dollop on the sheets. My attempted consort still positioned patiently, eyes closed, anticipating more than the idle digit I had planted in her baby chute.

I did the best to compose myself, wiped the spunk off on a nearby scrap of fabric, and managed to splutter the words 'I need a cigarette.'

And that, ladies and gents, is how I began the year of 2016 by contracting syphilis."


22. I found a long yellow dead piece of grass up my dickhole.

"Was young and was having sex in the grass in the backyard, I felt a giant spider skittle across my chest and bucked the bitch off of me. Turned over and got up, later in the house I felt a weird pressure on my dick, went to the bathroom and found a long yellow dead piece of grass up my dickhole. Hurt the whole way out.

If you're going to have sex outside kids, put down a blanket."


23. The story of Vampire Girl.

"Oh boy. Let me tell you the story of Vampire Girl.

Many years ago, I had just gotten out of my first relationship. That first relationship included all the other firsts – kiss, grope, sex, etc. Upon its ending, I was a total wreck. A pitiful mass of ridiculously maudlin sentiments. My friends kept telling me I needed to rebound. Get under someone to get over someone. You know the drill.

So a perfectly lovely girl invites me out, then we head to her place. I was not into it. I was and remain pretty much unable to differentiate the act of sex from romantic feelings, and I was still in love with my ex. So things weren’t really working down there.

This lovely girl takes it in stride, and decides that some kink will help turn the cooked noodle back into hard, raw spaghetti. Cue something that I, the veteran of one fairly vanilla sexual partner, was not prepared to hear.

Her: 'Do you want me to get out my whip?'

Me: 'Uh…'

Her: 'We can taste each other’s blood.'

Me: '…can we just go to sleep, please?'

She kept stroking my face all night.

Listen, S, I don’t know if you’re reading this, but current me would have been willing to work a bit with the whip. Still no blood play. Sorry for being awkward as all hell about it back then."

amsterdam_BTS TC mark

Read this: 23 Women Reveal The Absolute WORST Sexual Experience Of Their Lives

24 Men And Women Share The Traits That Are Dealbreakers Now Matter How Hot The Other Person Is

Posted: 16 Dec 2016 06:00 PM PST

@kayschris /
@kayschris /

1. Being A Negative Complainer All The Time

Being generally negative. I went on a date with a girl once to a bar she went to all the time. She proceeded to point out the people she considered her “enemies.” I did not go on any more dates with her.


2. Power Tripping

Being rude to children, pets, or people who are trying to do their jobs.


3. When They Don’t Maintain Their Independence

As flattering as it might seem in the beginning, I find it really off-putting when a guy doesn’t want to maintain any of his independence or passions. Seriously – Go out with your friends, listen to the music you like, keep up the hobbies you enjoy, etc. We have plenty of time to share experiences together, but we don’t need to live the same life 24/7.


4. Radio Silence

Lack of communication.

I don’t need you to be in constant contact with me, but if you are only going to say something once a week to figure out when we are going to meet up, I am probably going to forget about you very quickly.


5. People With “Enemy Lists”

I don’t understand people who think enemies is a real thing normal people have. Sovereign states at war have enemies. You have people you dislike being around, people who dislike being around you, and people who those two groups overlap.


6. Tearing Down Others

Needing to tear others down to build themselves up.


7. Bad Hygiene

I just left a guy who would act like a dick whenever I asked him to brush his disgusting teeth before kissing me.


8. Literal Adult Children

Temper tantrums.

I refuse to put up with childish behavior.


9. Being Helpless And Lazy

Not just stupid, but helplessness. Someone who might not know something but lacks the motivation to find out. You may be very good looking but if you’re so used to everyone figuring out answers for you that you’re helpless and lazy, goodbye.


10. Playing Hard To Get

Playing “hard to get” Fuck that it’s the current year I don’t have time for this shit.


11. Constant Need For Affirmation

Constantly on their phones/social media. You’re not that big of a deal. No one really cares. All your selfies look the same.


12. Please Don’t

When they always compare you to their ex.


13. Being Willfully Ignorant

Willful ignorance. I don’t believe I’m the smartest cookie in the room, but I try to educate myself. I always want to learn more about the world. Someone without a similar passion for learning would not have my respect. I once dated a guy who didn’t know what a fence was, and it was a huge turn-off.


14. Just “Snowflake” Things

If I’m on a date and they say anything along the lines of “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best”.

Yeah we’re done here.


15. Ego Driven Entitlement

Inability to take accountability for their own mistakes. Inability to take initiative and reciprocate. Arrogance, self-entitlement, inflated ego. We all struggle with these things, but for some people there isn’t a single moment where they are willing to be introspective and realize that, hey, maybe sometimes shit is your fault. Not that it is about who is at fault, but in order to move forward in a relationship you cant expect the other person to make all the changes.


16. Wasting All That Sexiness

Boring in bed.

I am a kinky guy, I’m not giving that up.


17. Rudeness

No matter how attractive a guy is aesthetically, the moment he starts acting like a rude/obnoxious/entitled/ignorant/generally unpleasant arsehole, I’m immediately repulsed. Once I realize someone’s a dick, they become ugly to me – no matter what their appearance.


18. Being A Secret Racist

Yeah, I once dated a girl who wasn’t racist while she was sober, but once she got a little bit tipsy, pretty much went to full on racist. Once she wouldn’t shut up about how a black guy that was with us was going to rape her and he hadn’t even said a single word to her that night.


19. Doesn’t Respect Your Free Time

Trying to control my free time. When I come from work and finish studying for a bit I’m gonna want to play video games or something. I need to unwind. You’re more than welcome to join me but if we can only do what you want to do then it’s a deal breaker.


20. The Plight Of The Introvert

Being a highly extroverted go getter that can’t spend a bloody weekend at home without panicking.


21. Being Super Religious

Super religious. Scrolling through tinder and I see “god comes first. I love Jesus” automatically skip them. Doesn’t matter what they look like.


22. Being Constantly Competitive

If they are constantly competing with you and can’t let you be good at something without being better themselves (in their view). Had a gf for too long who did this (thankfully it’s over now) who couldn’t let me have my moments of joy when I did something good in the video games we played and always talked it down and said how she did something else better so she was the superior.

What makes it worse is that I am a humble person normally so the moments I say out loud are important for me, when I do it. Those getting destroyed anyways feels super bad and made me sad too often.


23. Stinginess

My grandma once told me this: if you ask your man for ten dollars to go buy groceries, and at the end of the day he asks for change back, you don’t want that man.

I was still pretty young when she told me this, so I didn’t understand at the time, but now I do. I myself am a pretty generous person, so my SO will need to be similar. I find that generosity and stinginess really has nothing to do with how much money one has. It’s just a personality trait.


24. Can’t Have A Discussion Without It Becoming A Fight

Inability to carry on a mature conversation, where we can theorize and discuss issues without getting personally offended by any topic that doesn’t agree with our personal worldview. As Aristotle said, “It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.”

SirEDCaLot TC mark

34 Things Men Need To Stop Doing NOW

Posted: 16 Dec 2016 05:00 PM PST

Daniella Urdinlaiz (
Daniella Urdinlaiz (
Found on AskReddit.

1. Stop touching us.

"Don’t touch me. I don’t know you. No, not even the whole ‘pat on the shoulder’ thing. Also; no I will NOT hug you, random dude. I don’t want to touch you."


2. Stop doing that ‘sexy’ look in selfies.

"Guys doing that 'sexy' look in selfies with the hooded eyes, slightly open mouths and raised eyebrows. Additional points for a snapback."


3. Stop catcalling us.

"I don’t know if they think it’s cute or just attention-getting or what, but guys yelling at chicks out of their car windows. One guy yelled 'Show me your areolas' at me. What? My areolas, just…what?"


4. Stop farting and laughing.

"Men farting and laughing."


5. Stop talking to your dicks.

"Talk to their dick like it’s a wing man."


6. Stop using pickup lines.

"Pickup lines. Guys, seriously, cut that shit out and just say hi."


7. Stop wearing man buns.

"I hate the man bun, it’s been scientifically linked with early onset male baldness and that’s all I see when I see a man wearing a bun."



8. Stop sending us dick pics.

"Dick pics. I swear to god, unless I ask, I just don’t want to see it. Now, if I do want to see it, you’d better take one beautiful dick pic because either we’re gonna bang or we’re going to be friends so make it count. But in general, please stop sending me shots of your penis."


9. Stop calling yourself ‘daddy.’

"When men say daddy!! What about 'come to daddy' is sexy?? That creeps me the fuck out! No No NO!"


10. Stop being assholes just because you think girls like that.

"23-year-old woman here, and I still experience guys being assholes because they think girls like that. No, you’re just an asshole."


11. Stop referring to our genitals as ‘kitty.’

"The number of men who refer to my genitals as 'kitty' is WAY TOO HIGH. There was one guy who called it 'Miss P' and just. No. Don’t do that."


12. Stop badmouthing all your exes.

"Some guys try to connect to you emotionally by telling you how all his previous crushes/exes were terrible. Sometimes it’s an outright red flag, but usually they’re just giving me a one-sided subjective story and expecting me to blindly sympathize for whatever reason. We’ve all had bad experiences but this isn’t cute, it’s telling girls that once this is over you will become a sob story that he will use to pick up the next girl."




13. Stop insulting us when we turn you down.

"I hate when guys try to hook up and start yelling insults at you when you turn them down. 'Show me your titties!' 'No thanks.' 'You are fat anyways.' 'Ok, cool.”"


14. Stop agreeing with everything we say.

"Men who just agree with whatever I say, even when it’s not their true opinion. I’m trying to get you know you, not myself!"


15. Stop being a super ‘nice guy.’

"Being a super ‘nice guy’… My friend went out with this guy who couldn’t have a conversation with her without complimenting her and being overly sweet and turning everything to how much he liked her. It sounds nice, but it can be so annoying. We just want to talk to you damnit."


16. Stop doing that pouty Jaden Smith face.

"Guys that do that Jaden Smith face. Like pouting eyes and lips. It’s not cute. It just makes you look like you’re about to cry."


17. Stop randomly touching us out of nowhere.

"Randomly touching me out of nowhere. In high school, I had male acquaintances who thought it was perfectly fine to just walk up behind me and start massaging my shoulders or trying to tickle me. One, I am very uncomfortable with people touching me. Two, all of them knew damn well that I was in a committed relationship yet would still do it, even in front of my boyfriend. It isn’t cute, it is creepy. The kicker would be when one of them would randomly try to massage my shoulders and then mention how tense I was, no shit I am tense fuck wit, you just randomly started touching me for no reason. And yes, I asked them to stop multiple times, both politely and forcefully."


18. Stop trying to ‘cure’ us.

"I cannot tell you the amount of men that I dated that thought they could 'cure' me of something. I don’t know if it’s a pet project for them, or they like having a purpose or what but it drives me fucking nuts.

One guy thought he could cure me of my fear of motorcycles by showing up to my house for our first date to go riding. Uh. No. I’m not scared of motorcycles because I’ve never been on one. I’m scared of them because I watched my cousin in the hospital after getting plowed over by a semi on one. it’s not my thing."


19. Stop doing stupid feats of strength to impress us.

"Try to show off by doing 'feats of strength' with their friends and end up breaking something or hurting themselves.

We don’t think you’re strong or impressive all we think is 'here they go being stupid again.'"


20. Stop ‘sticking up’ for us in situations we can handle.

"Guys 'sticking up' for you in situations that you can absolutely handle.

Like, my husband thinks it’s his duty to call out the person who’s being a dick to me, and while I appreciate him having my back, he usually is just escalating a situation and making a scene at a time when I could calmly handle what’s happening.

Of course, if I’m ever feeling threatened, that can be super helpful. But if someone just cut me in line at the DMV or something, step off and let me handle this shit, I’m not a porcelain fucking doll."


21. Stop telling us that we like you, because we don’t.

"I hate when guys tell me I like them, or I like what they are doing or saying or whatever.

Fuck you."


22. Stop negging us.

"Negging. The idea if you insult a girl, she’ll put down her 'bitch shield' because she is going to try to defend herself, which will make her more receptive to your advancements. No. It just reminds of when a bunch of boys bullied me back in middle school. You’re going to be written off."


23. Stop acting like you’re superior.

"It makes me want to punch a dude in the face when he tries this 'superiority complex' shit on me.

I had one idiot I was interviewing for a roommate, and he tried to tell me that he knew more about setting up network installations because he worked as a cable man for Time Warner Cable like back in the early 2000’s. I have a bachelors in computer science. I’ve also worked as a network engineer for 10 years.

Women are not idiots. It would be nice if the game wasn’t about their egos."


24. Stop hiding your real thoughts and feelings.

"Men who won’t tell me their real thoughts feelings because they don’t want to burden me. Bro, the mystery is burdening me!! You’re making me do 5x as much work, and killing our chance at intimacy."


25. Stop asking for a hug.

"I’m extremely uncomfortable with physical contact, even sometimes with friends I’m very close with and it’s just been this way my whole life. When people say shit like 'I'm a hugger' or 'Where’s my hug?' I’m immediately engulfed with anxiety because I know an unwanted hug is about to happen. I try to be nice because obviously people like hugs so I’ll oblige if we’re friendly. But once you tell someone 'Hey sorry, it just makes me a bit uncomfortable when people touch me' IMMEDIATELY they will fucking touch you to try and be cute or funny, and usually it’s a hug or they will just press their entire body onto me. I’ve only ever experienced this with men, so I don’t know if women do this too, but it would be nice if people could respect boundaries, you know?"


26. Stop tickling us if we already told you we don’t like it.

"Dudes who think it’s cute/funny/flirty to do things I say I don’t like. I don’t like being tickled, i really hate having my feet touched, and I don’t like hands on my neck (it makes me uncomfortable for whatever reason, even if it’s gentle and not choking or threatening.) Doing it without knowing is fine, as long as you listen when I tell you I dislike it and stop.

SO MANY FUCKING GUYS DO THE OPPOSITE. 'Oh, she doesn’t like her feet being touched? I better grab them!' I will discreetly try to get away, repeating, 'Don’t, stop it,' and I’ll warn them that I kick and hit when I get anxious like that! I have eventually ended up hitting people (not hard enough to leave a mark/wound), and I’m suddenly a 'bitch who can’t take a joke.' If I tell you I’m uncomfortable and to stop something, it’s not funny."


27. Stop acting stoic all the time.

"Acting stoic all the time. I love that my BF can show a spectrum of emotions. It makes it easier to relate to him and just being able to know what he’s feeling makes it easier to fix something that might be wrong instead of it being compartmentalized and festering into a blow-up. My ex was either emotionless or angry."


28. Stop teasing us and just ask us out.

"When guys tease girls because they like them. Just, no. Man up and be direct with me. I don’t want you to throw stuff at me or poke me or something like that. I’m not a dumbass. I know what you’re doing."


29. Stop making jokes at our expense.

"Jokes at the expense of your date. We call those guys choppers and don’t go out with them because it feels bad."


30. Stop refusing to take no for an answer.

"Guys who won’t take no for an answer.

We’re not playing hard to get, it isn’t a long game, and we’re definitely not going to date you when you won’t leave us the Hell alone. It’s not cute, it’s not funny, you’re just annoying, creepy, and sometimes a bit threatening."


31. Stop grabbing things out of our hands and acting like it’s cute.

"Men that take stuff and playfully won’t give it back. Hey what are you reading snatches book haha, whoa, haha what would you do if I read the last page? Would you be mad? And the girl is just like 'haha, OK, give it back, give it back now, give me my book, stop this now, give it back, GIVE ME BACK MY BOOK!' And the guy acts baffled, like whoa, settle down, I was just kidding around."


32. Stop asking up to make all the decisions.

"I hate it when guys want me to make all of the decisions regarding where to eat, what movie to see, etc. It’s fine for the first date or two. After that it’s just annoying."


33. Stop licking our ears.

"Every boy I get intimate with licks my ear when we bump-n’-grind. STOP IT."


34. Stop blatantly staring at our asses and tits.

"• Telling me about how successful your parents are, how many vacation homes your family owns, that time you went on lavish vacation that I can’t afford. The riches of your family doesn’t make me want to sleep with you

• Think it’s okay to hit on me while I’m working. I work in retail, I’m being nice to you because I want you to buy something. I’m being paid to be nice to you please ask me questions about the store but don’t get into your private life, or try to get into my private life

• Blatantly stare at my ass or tits

• Act like I’m making a big deal by insisting that I pay for my own drink. People often think they’re entitled to talk to me or touch me if they buy me a drink and if I get upset about it I’m a bitch, but if I refuse having a drink bought for me I’m also a bitch.

• Assume that if I’m not a bright and chipper happy person then I must be on my period. I experience other emotions at all times of the month, and sometimes I have a good reason to be experiencing said emotions.

• Getting upset at me for not liking jokes about rape. Sorry, you sound like a psychopath who thinks its funny when people are violently taken advantage of and traumatized. Why would I want to be around you, you sound like someone who enjoys raping people and trivializing it.

• Thinking that I dress anyway to impress you. When I put on yoga pants it’s because they’re comfortable. When I wear a sundress it’s because I didn’t want to have to match any clothing. Like I give a shit whether you think my shorts are too high waisted I didn’t buy them for you to stare at me and tell me your opinion about my choice of attire.

Just figured I’d give some balance and write out a few since there are fewer women here. I can’t really think of any habits men have that I think are annoying when they don’t affect me, I only get annoyed by men who harass me. Other than that I don’t give a shit about what you’re wearing or what your activities are because I mind my own business and let you be yourself because who am I to tell you how to live your life."

MoSteeleTC mark

How To Get Your Ex Back By Staying Close To Their Friends And Family

Posted: 16 Dec 2016 04:30 PM PST

Anneliese Phillips
Anneliese Phillips

The 3 week cut off period during which you shouldn’t speak to your ex post breakup isn’t just about non-communication. It's also about organizing an action plan and putting it into operation.

And none more important than maintaining a useful relationship with both your ex’s family and friends. I say useful, because these two parts of your exs world can be extremely powerful in influencing your ex back into your arms.

Ok, what should I be doing?

Lets take each one of these in turn:

Her Family: If you have been on good terms with her family, say her mom or her brother, ring them up and say goodbye. You’ll want to come across as caring and genuine as possible during this phone call. The reason you ring them is not really for a goodbye as such but to leave them with the most positive impression possible of you.

If you do this, they’ll be on your side when they talk about this phone call to her and generally will give your ex the impression she’s losing a great guy. If they say, “I hope we’ll still be friends”, agree to this offer so you can stay in their lives. Try not to talk to them about the break up, as you don’t want to put them in the awkward situation of taking sides. They’ll take sides of their own accord however by being genuine now, you will help them over to your side.

Her Friends: You can use her friends to create a confusion strategy on your ex. Neither your ex nor her friends will be “in” on this tactic, only you. You’ll need 2 of her close friends, lets call them Friend A and Friend B. When you meet Friend A tell her you’ve got lots of exciting things going on right now that its helping you get over your ex. Say that you still miss your girlfriend but you’ve changed a lot since the break up and look forward to the future.A few days later when you meet Friend B, repeat the above but omit all references to your ex. From this, when they talk about their meetings with you to your ex, they’ll give her conflicting reports on whether you still miss her or not. Creating confusion in your ex right now is will be a key aid in getting her back.

How to get my ex back with this info

The above examples should be used in trying to get an ex back but they are only pointers and not the complete picture. Far more work needs to be done to ensure she falls in love with you.

I go through the full set of steps in the book “THE LOVEMAP CODE: How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You Using Psychology” By keeping on good terms with her family and friends, it will make it more difficult for her to move on without you.

Family and friends form a major part of anyone’s life. Consequently, people tend to regard their thoughts and opinions in high regard. This also relates to their opinion of whether you both made a good couple or not. So having a positive foothold in their minds makes it that bit easier to get your ex back TC mark

10 Things You Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You’re Actually Insatiably Lonely

Posted: 16 Dec 2016 04:00 PM PST


1. Idealizing past relationships.

We fall into the trap of rehashing expired relationships if and when we don't have love in our present lives to take the place of what we've left behind. Chances are, if you find yourself obsessing over what's passed, it's because you're feeling pretty underwhelmed with what is.

2. Failing to make an effort to meet new people.

A little known fact about loneliness is that it begets more loneliness. The more used to our own company we become, the less we seek out the company of others. It usually feels good for a while, until one day it suddenly doesn't. But by that point, we've often been alone for so long that we've forgotten company is something we crave at all.

3. Feigning disgust towards relationships.

People who are genuinely indifferent towards intimate relationships don't need to mock them or put them down – they simply allow them to happen or not happen naturally.

Chances are, if you feel the need to look down on people who want or have love, you're secretly dying to have it yourself. Otherwise, you'd feel no need to invalidate it.

4. Developing an obsession with self-improvement.

There's nothing wrong or unhealthy about bettering oneself. But when an inclination to make positive changes bleeds into an obsessive focus on it, and eclipses the desire to make connections, there is almost always something deeper behind it.

We turn to perfectionism when we feel as though we are not enough as we are. And we feel as though we are not enough as we are when we are most disconnected from others.

5. Feeling emotionally numb.

In the words of Brianna Wiest, "Your numbness isn't feeling nothing, it's feeling everything and never having learned to process anything at all."

We repress our emotions the most when we feel as though we don't have any means of satisfying them. When we're feeling disconnected from life, we disconnect from our emotions.

6. Obsessing over unimportant details.

When any of our core needs aren't being met (i.e. our need for love and connection), we feel out of control. As a consequence, we obsess over the tiny details of our lives that we can control, in order to maintain an illusion of power. We often find ourselves becoming finicky, peculiar and obsessive – because our real needs aren't being met, and so we're projecting the frustration onto our small-scale needs.

7. Exaggerating the differences between yourself and others.

The less connected to others we feel, the more we feel the need to justify our disconnection. And the more alone we are, the more we feel the need to categorize, define and explain away our loneliness.

We are looking for ways to explain our aloneness that do not offend our ego. So we become irrationally proud of our disconnection (chalking it up to independence or introversion or choice), rather than concerned by it.

8. Becoming intensely self-critical.

When our lives are filled with people who love us, it is easy to make peace with our inadequacies. When we are feeling disconnected from others, our inadequacies stare us down like giant neon sides, reminding us of why we (believe we) are not loved.

Never do our mistakes seem so fatal or our fates seem so sealed as when we are alone. Without others to support and connect with us, we feel as though every imperfection we possess is insurmountable.

9. Feeling perpetually exhausted.

Even the most introverted person on the planet is not exempt from the need for human connection. When left on our own for too long, we eventually become weary and demotivated. We need each other to inspire, support and facilitate one another's progress. Left to our own devices, we all eventually grow weary and exhausted.

10. Closing yourself off to new opportunities.

The lonelier we are, the smaller and smaller our worlds become.

When we've been closed off from people for a long time, we incrementally close ourselves off to life, as well – we stay in rather than go out, we play it safe rather than take risks and we ignore opportunity when we ought to go after it. Being out of touch with others means abandoning the most human part of ourselves – the part that drives us to connect, to strive for bigger things and to ultimately to grow into the biggest, most magnanimous versions of the people we're all capable of becoming. TC mark

How To Get Over The Person You Thought Was ‘The One’

Posted: 16 Dec 2016 03:00 PM PST


The feeling of being in love is the best. When you meet someone and have that instant spark. You hit it off right from the start and get butterflies in your stomach every time you see them. When hours of being together feel like minutes. When you can get an hour of sleep and still feel high on life the next day. Not to mention the blissful feeling of certainty when we feel like you've met "the one" (finally!). You start fantasizing about the future and are convinced that the other person is on the same page you are.

And then it ended.

And you were not only heartbroken, but shocked because it seemed so right and you don't understand what went wrong.

Contrary to what romantic comedies may have us believe, this is actually fairly common and not necessarily a bad thing.

I know that is not comforting if you are in the pain of a break-up, but stay with me because understanding why the one you thought was going to be forever ended may offer you some relief.

What I have seen over and over again with clients is that they meet someone who has all the qualities that they have dreamed about, and they are so happy when they are with that person. And then the relationship ends often in a very abrupt way or because of uncontrollable or unchangeable circumstances. It almost feels like the person is literally being taken away. Well they kind of are – and for a good reason, even if it doesn't feel like it.

Why does a relationship that feels so right end? So that you can truly see what is so amazingly "right" about you.

I'll explain…

Just as people are here to teach us where we have judgments and unresolved issues, they are also here to illuminate what is so amazing about ourselves that we are not acknowledging, owning and experiencing. If you have been with someone you thought was the one, you probably found certain qualities about him or her incredibly attractive. You also may have said, "He brought out the best in me!" Exactly. He or she did bring out the best of you, but it's YOUR job to keep it going. They fulfilled their spiritual agreement with you by attracting you with their awesome qualities to reflect to you what you are not seeing about yourself. And by triggering the best inside of you so you could have the experience of your awesomeness. But it wasn't their job to stay.

My client is going through this painful yet paramount important lesson now. Her boyfriend of over a year who she was convinced was the "one," recently decided to go back to his ex-wife and make it work for his kids. She has been devastated because she felt more like herself with him than she ever had before. When he was around she felt beautiful and confident. He consistently told her that and did things that made her feel that way. She loved him so much and treated him with love, respect and kindness. Now that he is gone, her confidence has plummeted and she is desperately attempting to figure out what she did wrong.

She did not do anything wrong (and neither did you if you were can relate to any part of her story). Sometimes the Uni-verse sometimes "reassigns" a person to support you in fully integrating what they were reflecting and/or catalyzing inside of you – and to protect you from a co-dependent relationship. For example, if you were really attracted to their creativity or drive, one of their gifts to you was to inspire you to reconnect with your creativity or drive. Or as in my client's case, before her relationship she never felt beautiful and had very little self-confidence. Her ex filled a void that had been empty for nearly 35 years. In order for her to fully step into her own beauty and confidence she is now faced with the opportunity to fill the void herself.

We cannot see in another what we don't have inside ourselves. If you feel like the person brought out a quality of yours like creativity, you are incorrect. They merely triggered what has been dormant inside of you. No one else can make us anything that we aren't already. If the person were still there, you would not be as motivated to be the things you miss about them or the version of you that you were with them.

Remember no one is the "one" because everyone is the one. Every single person you have a relationship with (and I don't just mean romantically) is a soul mate because they are teaching you soul lessons. We all are mirrors and teachers for each other to learn our life curriculum.

I understand that nothing feels quite as devastating as not being able to be with the one you thought was the "one." But this is just short-term devastation. What would be devastating long-term is never truly integrating the amazing qualities you saw or experienced with or in that other person. You were not rejected, they were just reassigned.

The purpose of any relationship is for our learning and to grow in love – both for another and for ourselves. It is not necessarily to be together forever, make us happy, or fulfill any void in our lives. I encourage you to move through the pain and get to the PURPOSE of your relationship. Begin to see how it served you.

Trust that although the physical presence of a person may not be there, the qualities you loved about them belong to YOU. What you love about them are inside YOU.

You bring out the best in you. It's there. Stop looking for it in the eyes or arms of another. And when you bring out the best in you – then you will be able to share it with someone who brings out the best in themselves, too. No more wondering if someone else is the "one" – you are the one you have been looking for. TC mark

17 Things About Traveling The World I Wish Someone Had Told Me Earlier

Posted: 16 Dec 2016 02:00 PM PST


1. Don't buy the biggest backpack you can find.

You think you'll be fine if you get a bigger pack so you can fit all your stuff in it, but it just becomes brutally heavy. Pack what you know you will need and bring NOTHING else. Seriously, don't bring anything you think, "well just incase" because you won't wear it or use it and it will just end up adding extra pounds to your bag. Pack your bag then unpack it and repack it, while removing everything you aren't sure you'll use.

2. Souvenirs are a complete waste of money.

Don't spend any money on material items, unless you're in need of something on the trip. If I buy anything while I'm traveling it's a sticker, they're small, light and inexpensive. If you buy a t-shirt at every place you go you'll end up adding extra things you don't need and you'll wish you still had that wasted $20 to use for a couple meals or a hostel, depending where you are in the world.

3. Traveling isn't a vacation.

Traveling long-term is exhausting. I don't think most people realize how time consuming planning, researching and budgeting is. When you're not out exploring a place you're usually trying to book your next plane ticket or bus ticket, while trying to find out what there is to do at your next destination. It's a never-ending cycle of planning and being prepared.

4. Always leave much earlier than suggested to make it on time.

One more time for the people in the back, ALWAYS leave MUCH earlier than suggested to make it on time. I couldn't tell you how many times I've been told it will only be a 15 minute walk or if I catch that tram it will get me there in 5 minutes, but things never work out. I've almost missed the only bus to bring me to an airport that was an hour way because I waited for a tram that wasn't coming and then started walking in the wrong direction because the directions I were given at the hostel were wrong. Or when I almost missed a tour bus because there was two streets with the same name about half a kilometer away from each other. Something is bound to go wrong, and if it doesn't being early won't kill you, in fact it will help you breathe easier.

5. Traveling alone is honestly better.

When you're traveling with someone the idea of having a mate by your side seems awesome, until you don't want to do the same things, or they want to go home and you want to go out. Or until you start getting irritated with each other over directions and destinations. Traveling alone might seem scary, but it's not as bad as it seems. You'll meet tons of friends along the way for the most part and rarely be on your own unless you actually want to be.

6. Hostels are the best way to go and sharing rooms aren't that bad.

I was a bit worried the first time I stayed in a hostel, then I realized it was kind of like college dorm rooms. You meet people and you spend time with them for a little bit then go your own ways. Some people you'll never talk to again or some can become your life long friends, it all depends. And definitely check out Hostelworld before booking a hostel because the reviews are super helpful.

7. Lonely Planet can be a life saver if you're worried about traveling alone.

Lonely planet offers a service called "travel buddies & for sale" where you can actually input your dates and locations and find other solo travelers who are looking for companions to meet up with. It's a great way to talk to other's about their experiences and make connections before you even arrive.

8. You'll never be able to do everything.

I think this one is hard for every traveler to grasp, but it's impossible to do it all, no matter how hard you try. There will be two things you want to do, or something that just isn't in your budget, or a destination you can't make it to because of time. You'll never be able to hit every spot on the map because there is too much in the world to do and see, and sometimes that's a hard pill to swallow, but it's true. You have to prioritize what you really want to see and do.

9. Leave all your expectations behind.

The only thing worse than having high expectations is being disappointed when those expectations aren't met. Everyone I met has loved Melbourne, I thought it was an OK city and I didn't feel the need to stay there more than one day. I had an alright time, but it wasn't all it was made out to be. So, I learned to leave your expectations behind and just live in the moment. Go to your destination with a blank mindset and just wrap yourself up in the moments of your trip because there will be things you see and do that just completely blow your mind in the best way possible because you weren't expecting how beautiful it could be. Expectations can either make or break a trip, so try to leave them at the airport because some people's dream destinations could be another person's nightmare.

10. The urge to travel more doesn't simply "go away."

The thing with traveling is that no matter what once you've got the "wanderlust bug" it's more than likely always going to be there. You're always going to find yourself looking up plane tickets, even if you had no intentions to go to a place once you get an email with airfare deals you instantly start considering it. I've started considering going places because I meet someone who went there or because a friend lives there and I want to go so it's a perfect excuse.

11. You can't travel forever and not work.

Money is not infinite, no matter how much we wish it were. It will run out and you will have to work. The best thing I can recommend if you're trying to avoid the "real world" as long as possible is to find jobs that are temporary in order to earn some extra cash. Hostels usually have signs hanging up for work, but also talk to others about what they've done for money. I'm currently working a 10-day fair in South Australia for money. The work might not always be enjoyable, but the trip you'll get out of it will be.

12. You learn to adjust your mindset quiet frequently.

Sometimes things might not work out like you expected, but tough shit. That's the way it's going to be. You're not home anymore so you don't have the comfort you're used to. You might be completely sick of Thai food, but you're in Thailand so street food it is for another meal. You might hate a certain food, but it's basically eat it or starve. While traveling you don't always have tons of options, sometimes you just have to suck it up and do the best you can with what you have.

13. Doing nothing is insanely boring, even if you’re sitting on the beach.

As much as people think sitting around all day with nothing to do is fun, it's not. It's absolutely boring and actually starts to drive you insane. You need to do something, whether it's study, or create a travel blog, or pick up a new hobby based on your location. But sitting around with nothing to do for extended periods of time is not all it's cracked up to be. If you find nothing else to do volunteer somewhere, it will feel good for the soul and make you not feel so brain-dead and useless.

14. People are generally nice.

A lot of times we generalize the world as "scary" but it's not as bad as it's made out to be. I've meet some really nice people stopping them on the street to ask for directions, of course some people will walk by, but most are happy to help. I've trusted strangers enough to leave my laptop out in cafés when I'm going to the bathroom. The world isn't evil; sometimes you just need to give people a chance. People also love to talk to you when they notice your accent in a foreign location. They like to hear your background and it's surprisingly nice to talk to people who are interested in your life. You can have some of the best conversations with people you meet on the streets.

15. It can be very lonely from time to time.

There are days when you wonder if it's all worth it. There are days you want to quit and not get on any of your other plane rides and just book a one-way flight home because you miss familiarity and your family and friends. There are times when you feel sad you're missing out on everything back home and feel like everyone has forgotten all about you. But then you have moments where you're in total awe of the world or you meet someone and they feel like your soul friend. You have hard times, but the good times more than outweigh the bad and you're reminded why you do what you do. Embrace the bad times, but also love the good times.

16. Speed is not everything.

You'll burn yourself out and your bank account out if you try to cram everything you want to do into a short window of time. Instead of trying to hit four countries in a month period, only aim for two. Take your time exploring and really make the most of your trip. It will save you money and exhaustion from trying to jam it all into a tight window.

17. You will need to go home.

If you're starting to get irritated, your emotions are running all over the place and you're bank account is barely afloat it's probably time to head home. Going home doesn't mean you've failed it simply means you need to recharge. It means you need to get ahold of your life again before you head back out into the world. Traveling the world is fun, but sometimes we all need a little refresher away from hostels and planes, and to be around people we love for a little bit. TC mark

For The People Who We Used To Be Close With, And Now Never Speak To

Posted: 16 Dec 2016 01:00 PM PST

Rémi Walle
Rémi Walle

I believe life is like a story, one broadcast on the air at that. Like a TV series, our lives are narratives in seamless transition from beginning to middle to ending. From pilot episode to series finale, it belongs to us and no one else. We write it, direct it, and star in it. We're the ones in control of the plotline, with us as the protagonists of our own stories. And of course, we're the ones who decide who the major characters are and what role they play in our tale. Enemies, best friends, lovers, we decide who to cast into those roles… and for how long.  

When we cast someone to be our close friend, we do so thinking he or she is the best individual to play the part. His primary role could be anything from listening to all of our complicated stories, tolerating all our annoying tendencies and rants about life, or lifting us up when we feel down. Whatever reason, we know by heart that the close friends we've chosen will excel in their parts. Because of this, we protect and cherish the people close to us.

They are the Chandlers to our Joeys, the Marshalls to our Teds.

However, these contracts don't always last forever. What happens when a different production company offers our friend a better deal? What happens when one our lead actors gets relocated to a different part of the globe? Worse, what happens when our plot develops to a point where our once closest friend doesn't fit the part as well anymore and someone else who can play it better emerges, or when a seemingly irreparable outburst between the protagonist and his companion breaks out?

Not everyone we were close to at one point stays forever. It's a cold, harsh truth of life, one I've fought and fought over the years but to no avail.

I remember back then when we would talk for hours upon hours about god knows what. We clicked on the same topics, hated the same people, and had laughs about the most abstract things. Out of jest, we would peck jokes at one another about getting dumped or shooting an embarrassing air ball or failing an easy test. In the end though I had your back and you had mine and we could climb up waterfalls and defy all gravity together. I swear, I thought for a second it could be this way forever.

All that changed for some reason. What happened? Maybe it went downhill when we chose different colleges and made new close friends there. Maybe we lost it when you began dating this person who hated my guts, but you were too in love with the fucker to do anything about it. Or maybe we didn't have each other's backs this one time when we really needed it, and we never recovered since. All I know is, all reasons aside, we no longer play each other's close friends in our stories, and we've since cast new people to take over.

Overall I'd say things have been going quite alright since you left. My new actors fit the bill nicely, just like you once did.

The progression of my plot has been steady, especially now as I enter my prime years. Yet for some reason, I can't help but feel this unfilled void in my life. I can't help but feel that while my new friends are awesome, there were moments of laughter only you could bring about, memories only you could trigger. Hard as the new actors try, they just can't replicate that old feeling. I guess it just isn't within their skillset, not within their résumé. Simply put it just isn't the same.

Out of nowhere it hits me. Does our contract really have to end there? Is our connection really severed for good? Yes fine, I know you've been, for lack of a better word, "replaced" as my close friend and the same goes for me to you, but that shouldn't entail that you've been removed from my story in its entirety. No chance in hell.

Your positive impact on the plot during the previous seasons was simply too great and will never be forgotten.

It's true you were a bigger part of my narrative before than you are now. Yes fine I know we had our reasons for moving on onto different things. Despite that, know that you will always be a part of my story even if the current arcs and sub-plots feature newer characters. Before them it was you, and the least I could do is to open my arms and welcome you should you ever decide to come back or seek my help.

All I'm trying to say is just cause we don't talk as much as we used to or see each other as much as before, that doesn't mean that I'm not still here if you need me. That's because I am and I always will be. Just say the word and we can bring back the old days in a flash.  

Maybe you're too busy with your new gig to come back now, or maybe you aren't quite ready to return given the backlash that occurred, and I understand. They're what caused you to depart, after all. But in the end, I hope you know that whether it's a cameo appearance that lasts but one episode or a full-on reprisal of your role as a major character, my story will always welcome you back in, because no one else – regardless of how good – can play that role except you.TC mark

Read This When Your Heart Feels Heavy

Posted: 16 Dec 2016 12:00 PM PST

Benjamin Combs
Benjamin Combs

It's okay.

It's okay if you're lying on your bed right now, staring blankly at the ceiling, and about to cry. For the past years, all you ever try to do is to figure out how you'll go about your life. You think that almost everyone around you has figured out theirs, and you're just there, trying not to mess up with whatever you have.

You think you're already doing it right and then for whatever reason, something comes up and you start to blame yourself for it. You know you should have done better, you should have handled it differently, but then again, of course, you would think that you didn't.

I know you're just scared. You're scared because you think you're never good enough. You're scared because you see other people your age already doing well and you're not even halfway good. You're scared because you think about what others will say about you. You're scared to end up failing. You're scared that once they see how much of a failure you are, people will start to leave you, even those who once believed in you. You're scared, and I understand.

But let me tell you this: You'll make it. I swear, you will.

So if you feel like crying right now, it's okay, go ahead and cry. I know you feel like a mess at this moment, but hey, everyone messes up sometimes. So hon, it's okay to feel lost. Because I know you'll eventually find your way out. It's okay if right now you feel like you're not the person you're supposed to be, because I know that you'll figure it out one day.

It's okay if you feel like you've failed yourself and the people you love a lot of times already. One day, after all the tries and failures and cries, you'll finally make it. And you'll see that the people who love you never lost their faith in you.

So at it this point, I am asking you to not give up—never. Your heart may feel heavy right now and your mind may have thousands of thoughts inside, but you have to keep going. You have to, no matter how scary and much of a struggle it may be. I am proud that you found the strength to read this because that means that you're trying to tell yourself that you can do this through all of these words. So if there are times that you feel like you're about to just turn around and give it all up, remember this: You are not a failure. You are on your way. You'll be proud of yourself someday. TC mark