Thought Catalog


10 People Talk About Sex They’ve Had That Was *So* Bad It Damaged Their Long-Term Relationship

Posted: 17 Dec 2016 08:00 PM PST

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Thought Catalog Tumblr

1.

When we first started dating, he told me he liked latex and shiny clothing and asked me if I’d wear it. I was like “sure, I don’t care, I like you and I like feeling good with you so I don’t care what I’m wearing to get there.”

But when there were times I didn’t want to, such as if it was just cold and I didn’t want to take off my warm clothes to put on cold clothes and I would have really loved to just have under the covers pajama sex, suddenly we had a huge problem.

He resented the fact that I was refusing to give him something he liked. He asked why I would give him something (the expectation of every time shiny) just to “take it away.” He felt that I was judging him for his fetish by sometimes not wanting to dress up.

I resented the fact that I didn’t have a choice. I resented the fact that he could only enjoy me with the fetish clothing. He would say “I do love you but the clothing is just the icing on the cake.” But a cake without icing is a pretty shitty cake. I want to be the icing. I felt like I as a person was only second to the clothing. He would say that was only my imagination but how could I not feel that way.

The few times he eventually “let” me not dress shiny, it was a negative experience anyway knowing that he was only having a mediocre experience and the mutual resentment being an elephant in the room.

— chocol8wasted

2.

Not my current SO, but my ex was really into pegging. I tried it about 3 times, but every event ended in poop. Poop. Everywhere. Is that what is supposed to happen every time? Do other women here do that and experience an overload of doo doo?

After the third time, I knew I couldn’t handle the smell… the sight of it. I wanted to please him, because I knew how much he loved it, but I nearly threw up every time… and actual shit is a mood killer for me. Here’s a nice ending I’ll leave you with: ex-SO had a bit of a drinking problem, and one morning he woke me up after he’d been up drinking all night. He slurred, “Can you get this dildo out of my ass? I lost it.”

I was perturbed, to say the least, and just grossed the fuck out. I put on kitchen dishwashing gloves and went in almost wrist deep… and there was no dildo. There was lots of SHIT… but no dildo. He had to go to the hospital to get it removed. I was done with it. Done with the shit, done with the ass play… just done. I can still smell it. Ugh.

— heethark

3.

Had an ex insist that we needed to try a threesome. After quite a bit of cajoling we agreed to do it, but he slept with the girl without me beforehand. That was the beginning of the end for us.

— heethark

4.

Not a current significant other, but I was in a long-term relationship when we decided to try polyamory. We had a couple threesomes and no harm seemed to come from it, so I guess we figured we’d try an open relationship. We established very concrete boundaries like if we ever felt like it wasn’t working, we both had veto power to end the polyamory business.

Well, he fell in love with a girl on the side while also being very possessive about who I could hook up with and “not allowing” me to be intimate with certain men. It turned into him dating another girl for 3 months, lying to me about her spending the night and other things, and then when I tried to exercise my veto to bail out of the polyamory thing gave me a clear “no.” So it all crashed and burned and we broke up, but it’s all good, I’m monogamous, married, and happy now :)

— xlightbrightx

5.

My BF once did the whipped cream thing. He put it all over over his penis and even had a maraschino cherry on top like a sundae and he was splayed out in that “paint me like one of your french girls” pose on our bed when I got out of the shower.

I laughed and laughed. It was one of the funniest things I’d ever seen and completely unexpected.

He actually thought it might be sexy and was very hurt by my reaction. He hasn’t done anything spontaneous or kinky since and doesn’t want oral anymore either :( I think I may have underestimated or misjudged how guys feel about trying to be sexy.

— cutezie

6.

I wouldn’t say it damaged me, but my ex choked me until I passed out once and when I woke up, he was sitting on the floor crying. I wasn’t upset with him, just a bit shaken up. I was the one who’d pressed this kind of bedroom vibe and I was the only person he’d ever slept with (didn’t know that at the time — he lied about it) so I genuinely don’t think he knew what he was doing.

It wasn’t detrimental to the breakup but it did expose some serious miscommunication issues, and sexual incompatibility that really messed with his belief in his own manhood. I’m just glad he didn’t kill me by accident. I was drunk and he was brand new to that kind of kink. Not a great combo.

— wankstein

7.

I told my ex (thank goodness) I had a few intrests that where D/s he took that to mean any time any place whenever he wanted. Safe words be damned. I had a lot of kinks and still do. He took that to mean he could hit me, anally rape me whilst I slept, drag me downstairs by my hair and push me against walls.

He cut me off of everyone that could help under the premise that I was his property and he owned me, I was to inexpierenced to believe otherwise, so I let it happen thinking it was what I wanted.

I eventually left when I met back up with my best friend and he taught me what was happening wasn’t okay. I was 16 going on 17 and I was terrified of functioning without him, but with the help of said friend I left. I’m happy now though with the guy that helped me and we do our kinks and I actually feel safe with him. So there’s that.

— coffeehoarder9000

8.

I’m no longer dating the lady, but she was getting more into being tied up and stimulated (with like ice or candle wax), and she also had been expressing how hot it was for me to take charge and take what I want.

So I ended up tying her up and started toying with her and out of nowhere she completely broken down, I panicked untied her and ended up holding her for a long while until she calmed down, but I never tried any of that stuff again.

I probably should have tried again later, but it was super scary and I hated the idea of her feeling ‘scared’ around me. We also were long distance at the time, and that pretty much wrecked sex for the whole weekend (which was the only time we had), so the idea of trying something that could potentially ruin a small window of opportunity for intimacy turned me off from it completely.

— irrigger

9.

I took the advice of many women and doctors and “had sex anyway” when I wasn’t aroused while trying to deal with a sudden onset of sexual dysfunction (which I’m still dealing with).

Terrible. My partner did nothing wrong, but I still ended up feeling somewhat like I had been assaulted, despite the whole thing being consensual. Messed me up for a long time, made the dysfunction much, much worse. And my partner didn’t even really enjoy it either, because of how thouroughly I wasn’t into it, so it was a waste of effort and distress anyway.

— LexxiiConn

10.

I was very depressed and had no sex drive. We didn’t live together, so I came to visit for the weekend. On the second night, I was trying to fall asleep when he decided to try it on with me. I wasn’t having it, and told him to put on some porn and masturbate. He like that idea, and kept trying. I kept saying no. He begged for more than two hours, saying that i didn’t have to do anything, I could “just lie there.” I told him he wouldn’t like it very much if I wasn’t enjoying it too, but he kept pushing.

Eventually, I cracked and gave in. He didn’t like it as much as he thought he would, and ended up losing his erection (he never had a problem normally) and not finishing.

It was after that experience that I knew I had to leave. I broke up with him less than two months later. It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. We tried getting friends for a little while, but he crossed a line after I got with my current boyfriend. We decided together (my current boyfriend and I) that it was best if I cut off contact with him.

He wasn’t fond of that and still tries e-mailing me occasionally. He tried calling a few times, the first couple went unanswered, and he hung up immediately when my boyfriend answered (a decision we made together). He never called again after that.

— EdibleConifer TC mark

40 Ways That Ugly Guys Can Find A Girlfriend (According To 40 Ugly Guys)

Posted: 17 Dec 2016 07:00 PM PST

Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz / lookcatalog
Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz / lookcatalog
Found on AskReddit.

1. Be funny.

"Humor is the fastest way to the bedroom, my friend."

SevensTravels


2. Find a girl with poor eyesight and low standards.

"It’s just a matter of finding the right person: poor eyesight and low standards."

MrCda


3. Get a puppy.

"Got a puppy."

qwerty12qwerty


4. Good cologne, good hygiene, and confidence.

"Charisma. Shit can't do anything about my looks. But nice fitting clothes, good cologne, good hygiene, and confidence will go a long way."

REDUCE23


5. Be ugly as fuck but funny as shit.

"Four sisters, single mum, not a single male cousin and female friends. I’m ugly us fuck but I’m funny as shit and know how to talk to women, been with my partner four years and hopefully many more."

Coxydon


6. Have a chubby dick.

"Confidence, even if feigned, is extremely valuable in that situation. Also, my dick chubby as fuck."

Megaladonald


7. It's called self-confidence and personal hygiene.

"It’s called self-confidence and personal hygiene. It isn’t rocket science."

XtremeGuy5


8. Have a massive veiny throbbing…personality.

"With my massive veiny throbbing personality."

WadeWilsonforPope


9. Show her your sick dance moves and Kung Fu prowess.

"I showed her my sick dance moves and my Kung Fu prowess."

GoTron88


10.  Be really really really funny.

"By being really really really funny. That and a little bit of confidence can go a long way."

Yuphrum


11. Become a magician.

"Magic. Chicks really dig guys who do magic."

Religious_Redditor


12. Get in shape.

"I’m pretty sure my face is jacked, so I just went to the gym more. You can’t have a jacked face and a grotesque body."

Reneskirules


13. Join a band.

"Learn an instrument…join a band. Not the easiest of suggestions but it is the one with the most payoff."

crastnatingpro


14. Personality to get one, oral to keep one.

"Personality to get one, oral to keep one."

Skeetzinsheets


15. Poor eyesight on her part and mad cunnlingus skills on my part.

"Poor eyesight on her part and mad cunnlingus skills on my part."

eekabug


16. Be a funny asshole.

"If you’re an asshole to enough potential partners, at some point one of them is going to have issues and be into it. Gotta be a funny asshole though, you can't just be an asshole."

warhawk1856


17. Move to China.

"I moved to China. Totally worked."

Muted_Posthorn_Man


18. Have a huge dick.

"By having this huge dick of mine."

DudeItsDusty


19. Smoke so much weed that they can't see you through the smoke.

"I smoke a LOOOOOOOT of weed. People can’t see me through the smoke."

thegameischanging


20. Be humble but confident.

"Groom yourself.

Dress well—this doesn’t mean suits or expensive attire, just make sure it fits, color matches, etc. Go to a place like Men’s Warehouse for help until you learn how to do so yourself.

Be reasonably fit. Again, you don’t need a six-pack, just make sure you’re not obese. Most women don’t care if a guy has a little pudge.

Be stable. This means don’t get smashed every weekend, have a plan for your future, and be consistent.

Have interests. It doesn’t matter what they are, passion is attractive.

Be open-minded. Don’t be a snob about other people’s passions or likes, which results in being overly critical. Be willing to explore her passions and likes.

Be positive and optimistic. People like to associate and spend time with people who are happy. No one wants to spend time with someone who is always self-deprecating and/or depressed.

Be humble but confident.

There are many, many things 'ugly' guys can do, but this is a great list to start."

superbbs


21. Keep looking at her.

"I just kept looking at her…

It actually worked…

Idk why she’s with me…"

Jamoz330


22. Keep positive and practice good hygiene.

"I don’t consider myself handsome at all but I have been happily married for 25 years. I think the best thing is just to keep positive and good hygiene. There’s always someone for everyone."

wolson


23. Go to social events, join clubs, use Tinder and online dating.

"Go to social events, join clubs, use Tinder and online dating, etc. While meeting people, you will meet single women and you will click with one of them eventually. Even if the people you meet aren’t single women, they might be able to introduce you to some.

It really doesn’t matter how you look; somewhere out there is somebody who finds your looks sufficient without any change and you just have to find them."

Great_Justice


24. Get yourself some swagger.

"Ugly guy here who does really well with the ladies. My big moment was realizing if I focus on external validation I’m always going to lose. So I focused inward, built my skills, talents, abilities (including my ability to socialize and talking to women—I just reframed it in my head from ‘oh no these people/women are rejecting me’ to ‘huh. Guess I should have been more x or y in that interaction, let’s try again with someone else!’)

After a year or so I sudden I realized my sense of self-worth had increased so much to the extent where validation from other people seemed to pale in comparison to my own sense of self-worth. And all of a sudden I realized I had swagger. And girls really responded to it. In a way being ugly made it even better. It's like they thought ‘this guy's ugly how on earth is he so confident and relaxed?! What does he know that I don’t?’"

festess


25. Change the things about your looks that you can control.

"By making myself un-ugly. Mostly 'ugly' people are that way because of factors they can control, mine was pepperoni face levels of acne and super oily hair that looked gross if I even skipped one day of showering. I got tired of using crappy face wash and started seeing a dermatologist, the pill he gave me worked instantly. Got a buzz cut and looked ten times better. As they say 'the true definition of insanity is doing the same thing twice and expecting different results.'"

thatonecoolkid99


26. Just be yourself.

"This is the most cliché in the book, but by being myself. It took my several years to figure out what that was for me. I am not by any means ugly but I am a little fat, got bald at 19 and I am not very tall (in NL everyone is a fucking giant) so I wasn't very confident in my teens and early 20’s.

However, the last 3 years or so I found out I am a very positive and optimistic person with a good sense of humor. It's not that I am swimming in babes but I had my fair share of beauties. Pure beauty wise I am almost always punching above my league.

Having a proper job, degree and manners also helped."

FidmeisterPF


27. Just be a good person and good things will happen.

"Just refuse to acknowledge looks as something that matters. Just be unapologetically you, be love, be kindness, be compassion. Just be a good person and good things will happen. Remember that it’s worth waiting for someone who’s able to see through the ephemeral such as looks, and can see into your soul and loves you for that, as well as don’t be so superficial and shallow yourself. Beauty exists in all forms, and you’re beautiful even if the mushy meat sack you’re encapsulated in doesn’t meet 'society’s standards of beauty' I believe in you bud, everything will work out."

akatomix


28. Change things you don't like about your appearance.

"Where you can change or draw attention away from things you don’t like about your appearance. Take a before and after photo so you can feel good about taking control.

This will help you to build a more confident and enjoyable personality to be around. That confidence will also help you to accept the things you can’t change.

Here’s my personal examples:

I’ve got bad teeth, a flat head, a doughy jaw line, and a crooked nose.

Thick glasses draw attention to my eyes and away from my nose. The right haircut and beard give a more aesthetically pleasing look to the shape of my face and head.

Haven’t done anything about the teeth yet but the confidence I’ve gained from unfucking these other traits of mine makes me more confident. I spent time in front of a mirror smiling, as if for a photo, and I’m totally cool with it now. I accept it and look less like I’m uncomfortable and hiding something when I smile (whether it be naturally or for a photo).

Obviously, personality goes a long way as well but being comfortable in your own skin is a very important first step."

timklotz


29. Learn to cook & be self-sufficient.

"Groom properly (every day, routine).

Buy well-fitting clothes & smart shoes.

Get measured by a tailor (hire a tux) and invest in 1 or 2 well-fitting suits (blue, black, grey).

Look after your body.

Learn to cook & be self-sufficient.

Those are the easy ones. I spent years in retail / hospitality so I have developed good conversation and sales skills, I’m outgoing and good at engaging people, I’m confident and try to be funny (but not too hard). I laugh at myself, I am brutally honest and always open but most importantly I’m secure in myself, I don’t hide behind anything.

I’m not rich but I am fiscally responsible, I’m average looking, I have alopecia on my face so can’t grow a beard or stubble. Obesity and heart disease are common in my family but I’ve definitely done better than someone with my looks should have!"

ACBirnie


30. If you're interesting, it doesn't matter what you look like.

"Be interesting. Have things to talk about. What people who moan and complain on the internet about not attracting girls seem to universally fail to understand is that looks are only a small piece of the puzzle. If you’re interesting, it doesn’t matter what you look like. I promise you that."

fdsaf3


31. Learn how to dance.

"I wouldn’t call myself unattractive, but I definitely wouldn’t say I’m particularly attractive either. On top of that, my social skills aren’t the best.

Despite that, most of the girls I’ve dated have been these incredible European dancers (am American) that are basically straight out of a classic heterosexual male fantasy. Hot accents and everything. The reason I can get away with this is that I learned how to partner dance well. Given three minutes, a good song and a good dance floor, you can make a pretty strong first impression and a pretty strong connection if you know how to lead properly and enjoy yourself."

LibertyJorj


32. Be hilarious as fuck.

"I wouldn’t say I am bridge-troll ugly, but I am by no means better than average. Cameras hate me.

Anyway, I was half-drunk after a night of drinking Jager. My buddy was bummed out so I went up to a girl I thought was hot and who would clearly reject me out of hand. And, since it would be publicly, my buddy could then laugh the spectacle and feel better.

We’re married and have a kid now.

Also, I am hilarious as fuck. And hung like a…hilarious person."

soomuchcoffee


33. Stop acting desperate.

"Stop trying to get a girlfriend.

Girls don’t like when a guy is actively trying to get close to them so shy away. Strangely, they like is even less when a guy is not trying to get close to them and the start approaching you.

So speak to women that you meet like you are talking to your sister. If you can relax around her then just do the same thing. If you have never had a sister, then treat them as though they are your best friend’s sister (also out of bounds).

Basically you are treating them as friends, (dare I say ‘equals’) that you can trust. Girls like that.

And don’t succumb the first time that they hit on you."

pleemorr


34. Listen while giving massages.

"I’m a trained massage therapist who’s also a good listener."

Coelacanth1938


35. Be comfortable in your own skin.

"Be a good conversationalist, be fun, and be comfortable in your own skin.

These attributes will help you out in most facets of your life. If you are a joy to talk with and be around, people (including women), will want to spend more time with you.

I’ve seen so many what I call 'lopsided' couples where one person is far more attractive than the other and it turns out that the person that married up (or dated up) is usually really cool and charismatic. Sometimes they both are, but it is more so the less attractive one in the pair.

Source: I’m not that great looking, I’d say I’m average, but I’ve got a descent sense of humor and try to be a nice and fun person. My wife married down for sure, because she is gorgeous.

Fun Story: One time I was waiting for my wife to get off of work when she managed a cell phone kiosk in our local mall. There was a guy I knew leaned up against the counter talking to her. I was just standing around and listening to him and realized that he was flirting with her, when she starts dropping hints that I was her (at the time) boyfriend. After about 10 minutes he got the hint and looked at me, then looked at her, then looked back at me and said 'Are you…is she?”, I said yes, she’s my girlfriend. He then apologized and as he walked off kind of shook my hand like 'way to go, man”. I don’t know if he said that because she looks like she is out of my league or what, but that’s how I took it. Lol."

FragMortuus


36. Be passionate about something. Also, be tall.

"While I’m not exactly ugly, I wouldn’t consider myself good looking either. I’m 32 and have had bad skin/scaring acne for about 20 years and I have an almost comically huge nose yet I’ve always managed to out kick the coverage when it comes to dating good looking women. I think I knew very early that my looks alone were never going to get me anywhere with the ladies so I better start compensating in other areas. I taught myself how to cook, work on engines, play guitar (which has actually worked against me on occasion) work out etc. I just tried to become a well read and intelligent interesting person until I was confident that ladies would WANT to get to know someone like me. It also helps to have a passion for something. I don’t know why that is sexy to women, but more than one has stated that as being a major reason for getting intimate with me.

Seriously though, upping your game in the kitchen is probably the best advice I could give to a young man. Learn how to cook. Watch some Gordon Ramsey videos on some basic things you need to know and start learning. I had a little leg up when it comes to this. I’d always be in the kitchen with my Italian grandma cooking when I was a kid. She always said you shouldn’t ever have worry about finding a decent woman just to get a decent meal. Also, I used to watch the Food Network in high school like some kids would watch MTV. Having a beautiful lady over on your second date to cook her a meal is almost always a home run. You’re on your turf so hopefully no more first/second date jitters for you. Go find some old episodes of Molto Mario and do what he did. Be entertaining while you make her a meal and she’ll love it. Get her to help even. It's always worked for me. Hell, one time I met a girl at a bar and got to talking about mayonnaise and how homemade was so much better than store bought. She didn’t believe I could make mayo. I brought her to my place, made her mayo and that was it. Sexy times were imminent.

Up your game in the kitchen.

Also, be tall. I’m 6’2 and for some reason that does it for some women."

DoubleBirdStyle


37. Be funny and charismatic in social situations.

"Serious answer:

Personality aside, I’m probably like a 4/10. I have like 0 chin/jaw, and my hair is thinning pretty bad. There are a couple of key components for me. The big one is that funny and charismatic in social situations. People look to me to keep conversation light and entertaining, even if we’ve never talked before. The second one is that I’m a singer/actor. It’s not so much that I do that specifically, but it shows that I’m passionate about something and active about pursuing it. Most girls don’t care what it is you do, as long as you’re passionate and excited about it.

The third and final thing is to be attentive and caring on the first date (assuming you’re already getting that far). She wants to know that you’re a good listener, and empathetic."

yakebaj


38. Learn how to make good cocktails and an amazing sandwich.

"Learn some skills and have some interests (plus grooming)."

If you think of yourself as an ugly loser with nothing to offer, it won’t come across very well. If you are someone who knows how to make good cocktails and an amazing sandwich and goes to concerts / the theater / other cool things, you can think that you’ll make her a cocktail and take her out on the town for a fun night—in short, have something to offer. Something other than ugly desperation."

AgoraiosBum


39. Just treat women like normal people.

"Just treat women like normal people. Don’t neg them and don’t put them up on some weird creepy pedestal. Just ask normal questions and have normal conversations. Might sound crazy but women aren’t as shallow as you think, or as they are perceived to be, talk to them and 99% of the time they talk back. When I was younger me and my friends all fancied this girl, I was the fat one of the group and didn’t think I stood a chance so when we spoke I wasn’t trying to impress her I just had a normal conversation. 15 years later we are still together have owned a house together for ten years and have an eight-year daughter."

Source: big fat bald fucker who's just a postman with a smoking hot mixed race (I say that as don’t think a woman will judge you on race) girlfriend of 15 years who used to model (actual model as in get paid not pay to model)."

permalink


40. Find you a girl that loves pizza.

"Idk if I’m ugly, but I’m pretty good at figuring out what girls want. I usually just offer them food or Starbucks to get my foot in the door. Find you a girl that loves pizza."

sir_lerm TC mark

If He Does These 15 Things, He’s Too Emotionally Immature To Date

Posted: 17 Dec 2016 06:00 PM PST

Twenty20, BYONELOVE
Twenty20, BYONELOVE

1. He won’t take responsibility for his actions. If he makes excuses instead of apologizing, he’s not mature enough for you. A real man admits when he’s wrong.

2. He doesn’t make a cent of his own money. His parents pay for his car insurance. And give him grocery money. And lend him cash to cover his rent. He’s financially dependent on them.

3. He doesn’t keep you in the loop. When he gets stuck at work late, he doesn’t do the responsible thing and text you. The thought doesn’t even cross his mind.

4. He refuses to have serious conversations with you. He turns everything into a joke. You can never go to him with your problems, because he makes light of them. Emotions just aren’t his thing.

5. He doesn’t understand the female body. If he thinks going down on you is gross and has no idea how important the clit is, either teach him or ditch him. Sex is meant to be pleasurable for the both of you — not just him.

6. He still fights with his exes. Unless he had a child with another woman, there’s no reason for him to be keeping in contact with an ex he hates. If he gets into frequent text fights with old girlfriends, then he’s obsessed with unhealthy drama.

7. He doesn’t know how to do anything. He can’t cook. He can’t fold laundry. He can’t stack dishes in the washer without them breaking. He has no household abilities.

8. He wants to play the field. If you’re ready to settle down, but he’s still stuck in bachelor mode, then let him go. Let him sleep with strangers. Let him make the most of the single life, because he won’t be a good boyfriend if he feels trapped.

9. He lets his temper win out. Instead of asking you who’s been texting you, he’ll start yelling and accuse you of cheating without any evidence. He acts before he thinks. He’s always starting fights.

10. His parents are overly involved in his life. His mom and dad do more than hand him money. They also call every two hours, come over to clean his house, and do his laundry for him. They act like his personal butlers.

11. He’s an avid partier. If he wants to spend every single weekend drinking — because it sounds like more fun than meeting your family — there’s going to be a problem. A big problem. You can’t date someone that’s drunk all the time.

12. He talks down to women. He uses words like ‘bitch’ and ‘slut’ to describe you and your friends. And he’s guilty of calling every single ex of his a ‘psycho.’

13. He refuses to express his emotions. Even to you. When he’s sad or stressed or excited, he’ll hide it. The only emotion he ever releases is anger.

14. You can’t take him anywhere. He always ends up embarrassing you with immature jokes about bodily functions. He’s not nearly as funny as he thinks he is. And he always says the wrong thing at the wrong time.

15. He leaves when things get rough. If he breaks up with you after a little argument instead of sticking around to set things right, then it’s good he’s gone. He wasn’t mature enough for you, anyway. TC mark

28 Huge Signs That A Guy Is An Insecure Douchebag

Posted: 17 Dec 2016 05:00 PM PST

Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz / lookcatalog
Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz / lookcatalog
Found on AskReddit.

1.

"Big Ego. Nothing screams ‘I cry myself to sleep at night’ like a guy who walks around like he owns the place."

Blixnstraten


2.

"Complete turnover of personality when girls are around, I’ve seen it a few times, shit is embarrassing."

Danh8391


3.

"Talks down to other people to make himself seem superior."

ScarletSpeedsterr


4.

"Constantly talking about how toxic feminism is."

smileedude


5.

"An inability to admit when they’re wrong."

PM_ME_WATERBOTTLE


6.

"Blames their problems on others or society as a whole. Unwillingness to take responsibility for their life or behaviors which are often negative and disruptive."

Zulu-Cthulhu


7.

"Excessive need for validation from others."

inkwater


8.

"When they think having emotions is weird/gay/girly."

pvbob


9.

"When they can’t stand getting 'beat by a girl.'"

CreamPieSatan


10.

"Anger, being a sore loser, lying, pointing the blame towards others, an excessive social media personality, shit talking…"

ha-bi-bi


11.

"Will abandon friends on a whim, for minuscule reasons."

the_one_true_b


12.

"Pretending to be something he’s not in order to make friends or to start a relationship."

doublestitch


13.

"Bragging and excessive use of hyperbole/outright lying when talking about himself. See: My former roommate who claimed to have used 32 condoms in one night (about 6 hours) with a tinder date, and had 44 standard drinks of alcohol in just 3 hours on another occasion."

Fredfredbug4


14.

"They put down other men around them."

Solsed


15.

"Lies. Either compulsively, to constantly maintain a look-good facade, or (in my case) intentionally and specifically, to create safeguards, distance, masks, make self less easy to harm or betray. By the same token, inability to form actual, good, genuine friendships."

CyberCelestial


16.

"Insecure men throw their friends under the bus in the presence of women. This is an attempt to try and make themselves look good. Narcissistic assholes like this believe a woman needs men to compete for her attention. I’ve actually unfriended buds of mine because at the time I just got so sick of this behavior."

The_UnApologist


17.

"Constantly bragging about his accomplishments and dissing competitors, critics and others. An obsessive desire to always be right about everything, regardless of facts."

Xenu3


18.

"Basically any trait that a high school kid would consider to be 'alpha' I think is a huge sign of massive insecurities in men. Because its that archetype that so many men latch onto as being 'real men.'"

idontknowanything001


19.

"Calling girls sluts or whores."

Kara_Starbuck_Thrace


20.

"Being aggressive and confrontational about everything. You make fun of them and they feel the need to fight you. Yeah they’re insecure and can’t handle themselves."

gobberpooper


21.

"When he believes that he is always the victim, no matter what."

jo_april


22.

"If they put women down (about weight or looks) Then say things like 'I’d never be caught with someone like that.”

Notmyelf00percent


23.

"Never being able to be wrong! Like totally unable to admit it, totally unable to accept it. A guy who will hold to an opinion even if it’s factually incorrect just to keep from having to say 'I was wrong' out loud."

liquorandacid


24.

"He claims to have a horse cock but actually has a very angry worm that speaks German in place of a penis."

Jepson_


25.

"Yelling out the window of their cars at women. Yeah you sure had an interaction with a woman where she couldn’t talk back, bet that makes you feel real big."

misandry4lyf


26.

"Total resistance to anything feminine, including not wanting to have female friends. If a guy has to feel 100% masculine all the time, he’s probably afraid of something."

murder_kitty


27.

"When they always try to be the center of attention. If they don’t get the attention they seek from others, they will continue raising their voices until people notice them fully. Very annoying, especially from a guy’s point of view."

jzboston8


28.

"Being very thin-skinned. Aggressive towards minor criticism. Cannot laugh about himself. People who are fine with themselves and very confident, embrace criticism and make fun about their failures and weaknesses. They have a very stable personality core. The more people fight to appear perfect and super confident, the more insecure they are."

SunnyWaysInNH TC mark

10 Signs You’re Attracted To The Wrong ‘Type’ For You

Posted: 17 Dec 2016 04:00 PM PST

 Brandon Woelfel
Brandon Woelfel

1. You're still single. If you're still single, it's probably because you keep falling for the same type of people who are not right for you. "Same shit, different guy." If that sounds familiar to you, then maybe you need to change your type.

2. It always ends in the same way. Even when you date them, you can simply predict how things will end and more often than not, you are right. If you like guys who ghost you or end things without closure, it might be time to move on to someone who respects you a little more than that.

3. Your friends tell you that you need to change your type. Your friends know your dating history and if they think you're falling for the same toxic pattern in your relationships, then they’re seeing something you’re not and you should take their advice.

4. You always end up heartbroken. If the common thread between all the guys you liked is that they leave you heartbroken, you're obviously not falling for the right ones — the ones that want to love you.

5. You never feel safe with your type. If you don't feel like you can be yourself with them or if you think you have to try too hard to impress them, you might be falling for guys that intrigue you or challenge you instead of the ones that are actually compatible with you.

6. You're always unsure of where you stand. There's a certain type of guys who like stringing you along and giving you just enough to make you believe that they like you but not much to be completely sure, because that's their game, but there are other guys out there who are sure and let you know right away that you're special and that they’re looking for more than just a casual fling.

7. You don't remember what it feels like to be loved. You don't remember the last time a guy brought you flowers, or surprised you in a romantic way because you've been liking guys who torture you instead of loving you.

8. You’re not looking at the bigger picture. You can be attracted to a certain look, or just a feeling they trigger within you at the moment or insane chemistry, but what about the future? What about when you need them to be there for you? What about the qualities that make a relationship work?

9. You've never tried dating someone outside of your type. You think your type is the only type out there and that you won't click with any other type, but you'll never know unless you try.

10. They never give you what you really need. Last but not least, if the type of guys you like never seem to make an effort to make you happy or give you the love that you're really looking for then they're clearly not right for you. TC mark

15 Men On The One Thing They Just Can’t Resist About A Woman On A First Date

Posted: 17 Dec 2016 03:00 PM PST

Credit Jesse Herzog
Credit Jesse Herzog

1. She Leaves her phone In Her Purse

“Does not even pick up her phone.”

satin_pajamas

2. She Has A Cinematic Sense Of Timing

“Look back just before disappearing from view at the end. Like, lets say you are getting into a cab. Just before you close the door, you stand up again, look over the door for one last glance, then get in and ride away.”

foxsable

3. She’s not Coy or “too Cool” About Having A Good Time

“Show actual interest while on the date and past it. Not saying you need to be all over the place, listening to everything and shit, just show genuine interest in the overall event, either by starting conversations, having an opinion on where to go.

And, after the date/in the end of it, show that you want to do it again. There’s nothing more amazing (at least for me) then a woman who’s confident enough to show that she liked you and it’s eager to go after you.

Of course, only do all of that if you really feel that way, it’s useless if you’re faking it.”

Faceman42

4. She’s proud of herself and Shows who she is

“Asked a girl out on a dinner date, which was going well, then at the end she says ‘hey, so you want to see my favorite place here?’ She then took me to the top of the tallest parking structure in town and showed me an awesome view of the city. Very spontaneous and adventurous.

I also had a different girl take me to the college library after our date and dared me to kiss her in the isles. I won the dare :))

I just really like when a girl does something that shows or confirms her personality that you might not get from conversation at dinner.”

Iwasrunning13

5. She Initiates her part of The Conversation

“Active participation in initiating and holding the conversation. It’s a two way street.

This just happened to me too. Stopped talking to her nearly 6 months ago, then I got a text asking why I “suddenly disappeared”. Honestly thought it was because she wasn’t responding, but it was just due to her short responses… and she did it again.

I’m just going to tell her that I have an issue with that. I bet the answer will be ‘K’.”

ButtcrackMafia

6. She Breaks The Formality

“Talk to me like we’re not on a date.

Dates have ramped up expectations and a sense of formality. Each party is expected to put on their game face and act like a better version of themselves, to try to impress the other. I’d much rather just have a relaxed environment where we can talk like two regular people just hanging out and getting to know each other. It takes off the pressure, lowers walls, and makes it more likely that I’m going to know where things are going by the end of the night.”

Greyfeld

7. She’s Not Afraid To Take Charge

“To me, the most attractive thing a woman can do at any time, including on the first date, is take charge. Lead, be assertive, take initiative. I definitely prefer dominant people, including women. I hate dealing with shy or submissive people of any variety. Tell me you disagree with me and why, compliment me first, order first without waiting for us to decide who will go first — just do it. Go first. Take initiative. “I know what I want” is such an attractive thing to hear, be it verbally or demonstrated in actions.”

emberfly

8. She Asks Him About Him

“Ask me questions and keep up your end of the conversation. I have been on too many dates where the woman expected me to do everything from guide the conversation to plan the date as well as pay for everything. Asking questions about me shows that you are interested and want to learn more about me.”

anillop

9. “Let Me Know When You Get Home Safe”

“Say to me, ‘let me know when you get home safe.’ Pretty much guarantees a second date. I know she’s a good girl and was raised right.”

Leg__Day

10. She Makes It Known If She Enjoys the date

“Just show interest in me. The worst dates fall between a job interview and an audition. Just make me feel like your glad to have my company and this isn’t my chance to prove myself worthy for yours.”

roastbeeftacohat 

11. She Asks HIM Out

“Not on the first date, but initiate the first date.

It’s hard enough to do that as a guy, to do it as a girl would take huge amounts of confidence. I respect that, and it makes me want to know you better!”

draw_it_now

12. She’s Sneaky In All The Best Ways

“Oh, when you’re just walking next to her and she slips her arm inside yours and kind of hangs on. That’s the bomb diggity.”

BeardBrother

13. She Has passions And Shares them

“Be passionate about anything at all. Like be passionate about crocheting I don’t give a fuck just be into anything at all instead of telling me that all you do is watch Netflix and go to work.”

dashdanw

14. If She Wants A Second Date, She Gets It

“Make plans for the 2nd one. Be the one to suggest it. That ‘asking for a second date’ moment is nerve wracking for guys. If you take the pressure off by doing it for them they’ll go home happy and looking forward to that second date that YOU made happen.”

Satherton

15. Guys Are Dense, Be Obvious

“Let’s be honest most guys don’t get hints. I know I don’t. If after the date you’re into the guy make it obvious you like him. Either by saying just that, a kiss on the cheek, it doesn’t matter as long as he knows you’re interested.”

Catalystt26 TC mark

This Is Why Men Think You’re Intimidating, Based On Your Zodiac Sign 

Posted: 17 Dec 2016 02:00 PM PST

 Thought.is
Thought.is

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Because you're probably more successful or you make more money since you're always working hard and that can make men feel like it’s hard to compete with you.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Because you're too tough, you fight back, you call people out and you don't let them see you cry or see you weak so they think that you're more emotionally stable than they are.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Because you have way too many guy friends who probably secretly have a crush on you, men think you have too many options to settle down and it makes them uncomfortable that most of your friends are guys.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Because you're emotional and a hopeless romantic, guys think that this means they need to put a ring on it immediately because they're freaked out by the intensity of your love.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Because you steal the show from them, it’s easy to get a room to listen to you because of your confidence and your charm, your man may feel left out or not as interesting when you're around.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Because you never reveal your emotions, your poker face confuses men and makes them think that you're just not that into them because you're not very affectionate and you treat them the way you treat a friend.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Because they think you're too perfect and politically correct, it's hard for them to see you slip up or make a bad decision, your wisdom and diligence makes them feel like they can't be themselves around you because they mess up a lot more than you do.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Because you're not afraid to use your weapons, whatever they may be, your sexuality, your intelligence, your money. Men think you're a lot more powerful than them and that sends them running the other way.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Because you're so knowledgeable. You read a lot and you probably travel a lot because you're curious about everything, so men can see that you know more about life and the world and it can make them feel a little misinformed when talking to you which affects how they feel about themselves.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Because you're very picky. Your ex was probably a prominent figure or someone who makes it hard for other men to measure up. Men think you have super high standards and they will never be able to give you what you're looking for.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Because you're unpredictable and rebellious. They know that you can change your mind about them easily or just randomly decide to move to another country. They think that you have commitment issues and you give them mixed signals because one day you act like you love them and one day you act like you don't.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Because you can read them better than they can read themselves. You're intuitive and men freak out when you know what's on their minds and you're a master at that, so they know they can't get away with their excuses or their lies. TC mark

After Years Of Acne, My Skin Is Finally Glowing Thanks To These 3 Products

Posted: 17 Dec 2016 01:00 PM PST

1. LEROSETT® Organic Clay Treatment by Gunilla of Sweden®

I started breaking out badly around my sophomore / junior year in college. I somehow managed to avoid bad skin as a teenager (minus the occasional blemish), but ohhhh don’t you worry! It caught up to me. Adult acne is a cruel joke. Cruel, cruel joke. I was desperate to find something that worked. I don’t even remember how I came across this company, but I fell in love SO hard.

Cruelty free! Organic! And I’m not kidding, shrinks pimples in a night or two. I started using the clay mask and then as spot treatment to leave overnight, and ALL my acne cleared. Like, all of it. And so quickly. I will warn you that it is pretty drying, so make sure you’re moisturizing well.

The only downside is that it’s on the pricey side, so I don’t always have it on hand. In fact, whenever my skin starts acting up, it’s because I’ve been without the product for a while.

2. Original Coffee Scrub by Frank Body

This was suggested to me by one of my best friends, Briana. In addition to the facial acne I was dealing with, I also got the SUPER CUTE bacne. Yeah, like, acne…on the back. College was so great, guys!

Briana struggled with her skin during pregnancy and was always on the look out for helpful products. She recommend Frank to me and swore by it. I was willing to try anything. And Frank did not disappoint. They don’t animal test and the product smells SO DAMN GOOD. Because, you guessed it, it smells like coffee.

screen-shot-2016-12-13-at-10-50-47-am

My back started clearing up after a few weeks and it even helped lighten some of the left-over scarring I have. And I always smelled like coffee, so that’s a plus.

3. Coffee Bean Caffeine Eye Cream by 100% PURE®

Not acne related but still important, ya girl’s got MAJOR bags under her eyes. I could blame it on genetics (my grandfather used to say, “My bags are packed and I’m ready to go!” pointing to his puffy under-eye luggage). But I could also blame my unhealthy sleeping patterns. Insomnia isn’t kind to the complexion, you know. This eye cream totally brightens me up.

100% PURE® is a fabulous company. Ideally, I like my cosmetics to be organic, cruelty-free, natural, and with ingredients that aren’t going to give me cancer. It’s a tall order, I know. But 100% PURE® checks off each box. No harmful toxins. No animals are harmed in the process. It feels good knowing I’m using something that didn’t hurt any other living beings to make, AND it’s healthy for my body. Found something other than my ex boyfriend to be obsessed with! Yay!

What products do you swear by? Any companies I should be checking out? Here’s to better skin in 2017. 🎉🎉 TC mark

You Deserve More Than A Text Message

Posted: 17 Dec 2016 12:00 PM PST

Pexels, Mary Whitney
Pexels,
Mary Whitney

Don’t text me. Not with a vague ‘hey’ that I have to find a way to interpret. And not with an I-miss-you message that’s meant to make me fall for you again. To make me obsess over you again. To make me lower my standards and accept the little you’re willing to give again.

And don’t like my photos on social media. Don’t make me guess what that slight bit of affection means. If you think I look hot in the picture. If you’re jealous of the people posing with me in the picture. If you’re trying to brainwash me into contacting you after you approved of the picture.

It’s not that I’m opposed to letting you back in my life. But if you want my attention, then you’re going to have to put in effort. Real effort. You have to do more than press a button or two on your phone. A text just isn’t enough.

Call me up and make plans with me. Not faraway plans. Not hypothetical plans. Not plans that you’re going to cancel. Actually clear your schedule so that you can have a conversation with me in person. Prove to me that you’re willing to go out of your way to spend time with me, and that you’re not just talking to me when it’s convenient. That I’m a priority and not a second choice, not just some girl on the side. Then I’ll think about letting you back into my life.

I’m not asking for much. I’m really not. I just know that if I let you back into my life with an effortless text, then the bar is going to be set low. You won’t feel the need to work for my affection. You’ll think a sentence will do the trick. That I don’t need more than a few meaningless words sent from an iPhone.

I’m sorry, but I don’t want an almost relationship over text message with occasional dates thrown in (if I’m lucky). I want dinners and movies and skating in Central Park. I want coffee and hot cocoa and late night cuddles. If that’s not what you’re looking for, that’s okay — as long as you don’t lead me on. Don’t text me, don’t like my photos, don’t send me photos. Don’t bother.

I don’t want a relationship over the phone. I don’t want to feel like I’m dating you, but I’m single. Like I’m close to you, but don’t know you at all. I want something real. I’m no longer willing to settle for a half-ass relationship, one that has potential but never finds a way to reach it.

I deserve more than a text. We all do. TC mark

‘Nice Guys’ From Hell: 49 Women Share Nightmare Stories From The Friend Zone

Posted: 17 Dec 2016 11:00 AM PST

Jovanadventures / Twenty20.com
Jovanadventures / Twenty20.com
Found on AskReddit.

1. He was pissed that I wasn’t dating him so he told everyone I had AIDS.

"I went to a pretty small college in northern Colorado. My freshman year I befriended a nice guy named R. R ended up pledging with a fraternity. I went on a couple of dates with a guy from R’s frat I thought things were going well then the guy I dated just stopped responding to me. A bunch of other people involved in the Greek community and lots of people in my dorm started giving me funny looks or conversations would end as soon as I came in the room. Apparently he was pissed that I wasn’t dating him so he told everyone I had AIDS. I ended up transferring schools because of that guy."


2. He broke in my house to steal my medication and left a note saying that he hoped being off it made me kill myself.

"Was friends with a guy for years, and then he asked me out while I was in a relationship. It wouldn’t have been so bad if he hadn’t reacted to me saying no by going on a tirade about how ungrateful I was because he’d been my friend for so long, and he’d been so nice to me, and no one else would have stuck around when I’d been so crazy.

He finished up by breaking in a few days later to steal my medication and left a note saying that he hoped being off it made me kill myself."


3. Three years later he still shows up to my places of work.

"Dude I dated for while always complained when we first started going out about how girls always screwed him over, nice guys finished last etc. etc. He told me his stories and I felt so sorry for him. After a few months together he turned out to be the most possessive irrational person I’ve ever encountered. I couldn’t hang out with my friends, not even girlfriends, he even flipped on me for hanging out with my BROTHER and giving him a hug. Wtf?? I finally dumped him when I got my first teeny tiny tattoo and he slut shamed me for a few days straight. He told me how if I chose to be a pierced and tatted person (I had plugs and nose piercings when he met me) that I was choosing a promiscuous life and he finds that to be the most unattractive thing in the world. Yeah okay buddy, buh bye. Three years later he still shows up to my places of work. He showed up at my current job two days after I started working there…"


4. He just drops my crutches on the floor and walks away.

"A random guy held my crutches for me as I walked down some stairs at uni. He seemed nice and joked about how he once broke a foot, it’ll get better, etc. etc. We get to the bottom and he asks if we could get some coffee. I thank him, but tell him I’m seeing someone so he just drops my crutches on the floor and walks away."


5. Emails would generally go like: paragraph about how I’m a whore, paragraph about how nice he is, paragraph about how lonely he is.

"Harassed me for 6 months after we stopped talking, was verbally abusive and called me every gendered slur in the book and kept making new email accounts as I blocked them to inform me he was a nice guy and asking me to help him find a GF because nice guys deserve GFs.

Emails would generally go like: paragraph about how I’m a whore, paragraph about how nice he is, paragraph about how lonely he is.

I’ve never really told anyone about what happened and it feels healthy to get it off my chest. The whole thing reeks of 4chan, obviously. as long as I’m oversharing he also posted a revealing picture I sent online ok bye."


6. It really hurts to realize that some ‘friends’ are just sexually frustrated animals.

"I’ve always been a tomboy and grew up with a lot of male friends. Since reaching adulthood, I’ve also grown some breasts. This combination of things has led to most of my best guy friends asking me if they could finally see my tits “since we’ve been friends for so long.” and subsequently vanishing when I said no. It’s depressing enough when I realize that a guy I’m into just wants to bang, but it really hurt when the guys I thought were actual human beings, with whom I’d developed deep multi-year friendships, were just sexually frustrated animals. So yeah, I’ve got some trust issues now."


7. I called the cops and now I have a restraining order against him.

"Pretended to be interested in me, we developed a great friendship 3 strong years at the time. Then I met my future husband, he noticed that I have never been so interested and in love with someone. He would comment sarcastically on our pictures on Facebook. He then confessed his love for me and begs me to leave him by saying that he has put up with my shit for so long. In my defense, he never showed romantic interest. He lived in Texas, he drove all the way to California to bombard me at 3am, threatening to kill himself If I don’t ever love him back, threatened to hurt my husband and such. I called the cops and now I have a restraining order against him."


8. He tried running me over with a truck when I was on holiday

"That one time he tried running me over with a truck when I was on holiday."


9. He didn’t give up. For FIVE years.

"I went to an extremely conservative and small college. Our freshman class was pretty tiny as in you would know everyone by name in your class.

There was a guy I met on the first day of class and he seemed nice. We had a usual conversation (nothing out of the ordinary). Two days later, he texted me. I never gave him my number and the only person who had my number was my roommate and she swears she never gave him my number.

Cue the constant messages asking me how my day was and if I wanted to meet up or hang out. I politely told him that I didn’t want to date anyone at the moment and I was focused on school.

He didn’t give up. For FIVE years. He messaged me with different numbers, emails, and send me letters. He would threaten every single guy who would talk to me.

Worst part was when I learned that he and his frat buddies had announced to everyone in the first week of freshman year that I was his girl and that I was off the market.

Pretty much ruined my college experience in terms of having a social life."


10. I beat the shit out of him.

"I knew a guy in college that took the fact that I was sexual with some other men to indicate that I wanted to be so with him.

I let him know in no uncertain terms that I didn’t like him, was not attracted to him, did not want to fuck him, or be in any sort of relationship.

He kept sticking his toe over the line though, not enough to warrant a major response, but still pushing it.

One night at a party he tackled me onto a bed and started groping me, trying to take my clothes off, etc.

I’m not sure what he was thinking, given the differences in our sizes and temperament.

I beat the shit out of him.

Due to the pain I’ve seen sexual assault cause some of my very close friends in the past and the greater than average dislike of rapists I have as a result, I likely went way too far.

At least from a legal point of view.

However, that ended the problem."


11. The guy kept sending me e-mails well after 3 years.

"Pretty much any guy who turns aggressive after you show them you’re not interested.

At least in my experience, when men are interested they try to be friends with you thinking you’ll change your mind at some point and then get really weird when that doesn’t happen and terminate the friendship. It sucks. When I say I’m not interested, I really mean it. I don’t like to be led on so I wouldn’t do it to others.

I got into a stupid situation when I was a kid and the guy kept sending me e-mails well after 3 years. It’s been over a decade now but whenever I set up a new social media account I always look up his name and block him."


12. He texts to ask if I thought he was nice, then proceeds to send 4 dick pics and asks me to come back.

"Where do I start?

Met a guy online dating (his profile actually started with “nice guy”) and chatted for a few weeks before meeting up. Had made it exceptionally clear that I wanted to see if our chemistry existed in real life but wasn’t going to sleep with him on first sight. Met up with him and he talked incessantly about how he hadn’t had sex in weeks and needed to break his drought. I leave, he texts to ask if I thought he was nice, then proceeds to send 4 dick pics and asks me to come back. Gets so offended when I said no, calls to beg me to come over for sex so I can help him with “his situation” because he’s a nice guy."


13. He was so nice he tried to rape me.

• He was my college apartment-mate and a friend of a friend. He seemed OK, but he was a little strange.

• He would come to my bedroom door and talk to me. He’d hang on the door and smile and tell me that homework was for losers and I should hang out with him. When I asked him to leave me alone—when I asked for anything, really—he’d push back a liiittttle bit more and more, until I started to feel upset. Then he’d make a joke and leave.

• He did unsolicited things, grand gestures. Write a sweet poem or put an outrageous amount of work into a present or favor.

• He’d tell me we needed to talk. That he felt like he was putting all the effort into our friendship, and it really hurt his feelings. I felt terrible after each of these, somehow.

• He would make challenging comments about everything I did, always with enough plausible deniability. “Whatcha doing?” “Why are you doing it that way?” “That’s stupid. Why don’t you do it this way?” “Well, you suck.”

• There were many jokes at my expense that were juuust harmless enough to tolerate, and many conversations—in big groups, particularly—that he would steer to use peer pressure to make me talk about my personal life.

"TL;DR: He was so nice he tried to rape me."


14. I remember him saying, ‘say my name,’ and I would. Over and over, until I blacked out.

"We were hanging out and he gave me a cranberry-and-vodka with three more shots in it than I thought. Then he gave me two more. I remember throwing up. I remember him saying, ‘say my name,’ and I would. Over and over, until I blacked out.

When I woke up, he was fondling me. I lay there for a moment and let him touch me because I was so tired. After about 5 seconds, I got out of bed and told him he needed to leave. He asked why, and I told him that I didn’t remember anything since the bathroom. He pushed, like he always does, but I pushed back and he walked out. THAT’S when the apologies started.

First, he didn’t know what he was doing. He’d been drinking! Later, he said he knew what he’d been doing, of course he realized, and he was very sorry! When I realized I couldn’t sleep, I texted my best friend, asking her how I could have led this guy on. What I had I done wrong? I texted pretty much continuously for the next few hours, but she was asleep and never picked up.

Friends helped me move out. Some of them asked me what I’d done to lead him on, which made me doubt myself more. I was afraid to be alone and afraid to bathe, but I always felt dirty and desperate to get clean. After a few days that went away.

I talked to other friends, who told me about their own, previously unrevealed, experiences. I was blindsided by these. Some implied that because they got through it ok, I’d be fine, nbd. Eventually I mostly forgot about it.

And in writing this, I only just realized he wasn’t too drunk to know it was wrong. He actually planned it. I wish I’d pressed charges. (Yes, I am an idiot.)"


15. He switched schools for me, wrote songs for me, cried for me, threatened me when I had a bf, and tried to kill himself.

"There was a guy who was in love with me since high school, I’m not sure if he still is today. Basically, he switched schools for me, wrote songs for me, cried for me, threatened me when I had a bf, and tried to kill himself—this part, I’m not sure if it was for me, or for his dad, still makes me feel really guilty even though we were never together.

I just hope he moves on and finds someone nice."


16. He acted like I was being a stereotypical ‘crazy bitch’ sorta person for cold-shouldering him.

"He mopes, tells everyone we know I maliciously broke his heart, but still tries to hang out with me. At first I do attempt to be friends but the repeated guilt trips prove to be too fucking annoying. He also apparently is seeing some poor girl who ‘hates me’ because he CONSTANTLY TELLS HER HE’S NOT OVER ME. He seems to get satisfaction out of telling me this. Last time I saw him, after telling him I couldn’t talk to him anymore, he acted like I was being a stereotypical ‘crazy bitch’ sorta person for cold-shouldering him.

And that, my friends, is the most garbagey NiceGuy I have ever encountered."


17. He seemed weird but nice at first, but then he would talk about murdering people.

"When I was younger there was this kid that no one would talk to, so I decided to be a nice person and be his friend. He seemed weird but nice at first, but then he would talk about murdering people, stories about celebrity women getting raped and liking it (all false, I even Googled it to give him the benefit of the doubt). He would switch between talking about how it’d be so nice to have me take his last name and threatening to rape and murder me. Eventually it went too far and he chased me into the road after he was not allowed back in the school for harassing me. I nearly got hit by a car but I literally ran into the side of my mom’s car before I could be seriously hurt."


18. Upon politely declining, I was subjected to every sexual slur you could think of whilst being told what an idiot I am for passing up such a stand-up guy.

"I’m paranoid about leading people on. I’m petite with large breasts and doe eyes so I seem to give the ‘young exploitable anime girl’ vibe.
I hung out with a guy (we watched Mighty Boosh and chatted). Before he came over I literally said ‘I am not looking for a relationship. Please don’t ask to be more than friends’ as I had recently gotten out of a long-term relationship.

Of course that apparently translated to him asking me out via text as soon as he got home. Upon politely declining, I was subjected to every sexual slur you could think of whilst being told what an idiot I am for passing up such a stand-up guy.

Thus began his two-year campaign of stalking."


19. I came out to find a 12-page letter pinned under my windshield wiper, detailing all of the ways I failed.

"Senior year of high school, I dated a guy who was awesome on paper and all that, but we seemed to not really click. Like, I got the sense he actually liked me but wasn’t particularly attracted to me (we’d make out, but basically were in a holding pattern from about date #2 on, he’d seem happy to see me but at the same time never once told me I was pretty–not even when we went to prom)… Anyway, senior year is winding down and I thought, this is clearly just some school thing and we’ll be broken up before I go to college, so I might as well end it before he gets invested. I tried to be as kind as possible, explained all the reasons he was great, detailed my reasons for ending it, and that I sincerely hoped we’d be friends. He proceeded to:

• Show up at places he never went to, just because I’d be there.

• Leave little notes, drawings, flowers he picked, etc. on my car (things he never did when we were actually dating, BTW).

• If I didn’t immediately greet him when he arrived somewhere I was, he’d come over and interrupt any conversation I was having, just repeating, ‘Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello’ until he was acknowledged. He would also wander off, then return to do it again at least a few more times if I stayed there.

• We never talked about birthdays while we were dating, but apparently, I missed his. I know this because I came out to find a 12-page letter pinned under my windshield wiper, detailing all of the ways I failed as a friend (item number 3 was ‘friends give birthday cards’).

• He petitioned my friends to tell me how sad he was and how I had broken his heart. Sometimes I’d meet a friend of a friend who would suddenly get this horrified look on their face and say, ‘Oh, you’re THAT girl? {ExBF} has told me a lot about you.’

• When I finally confronted him and said, ‘You know, we could have been at least friendly acquaintances, but the notes and you talking to my friends, and that ‘hello, hello’ stuff just killed it for me. So leave me alone,’ his response was, ‘I should have known. Nobody will ever love me. You just showed me I’m unlovable.’

• Between summer and the start of college, he did leave me alone. Five months post-breakup, Thanksgiving weekend, I had university friends over at my family’s house. At midnight, Thanksgiving night, my ex walks in the front door without even knocking—which he’d never once done while we were dating. He’d had a huge fight with his family, and for whatever reason decided to come to MY house. I didn’t want to freak out my friends OR wake up my parents, so I made him a turkey sandwich, put it in a paper bag, and told him to get in my car. I drove him to another friend’s house and said, ‘I’m trying to be kind because you’ve obviously had a bad night, but if I ever see you again, I’m going to call the police. Do not come back. Do not contact me again. Do not go to my parents’ house again.’

Even worse? The next summer, my high school best friend informed me that they were ‘in love’ and moving in together. I had told her everything that happened between us, but she just knew she understood him better and could give him the love he needed. Her happily ever after included:

• Excessive crying jags and raging tantrums (all his)

• Having to pay his bills so he could afford prescribed lithium pills

• Coming home to their apartment to find he’d not only destroyed all of their furniture but also done structural damage to the building

• Having him disappear without a word for weeks at a time

• Having him take all of her money and only months later find out he’d reconnected with some ex-girlfriend who was in Germany–manufacturing LSD and planning great mountain biking trips

• My (former) friend did not appreciate my laughing about how she was right, she definitely wound up knowing him better than I ever did. She thought I’d be sympathetic, but that’s not really how I roll. I basically said, ‘I told you I wanted him out of my life. I told you he was a psycho, but you told me I was wrong. Why would I want to talk to you about him now?’

tl,dr: Senior year boyfriend went from not particularly involved while dating to semi-stalking, showed up in the middle of the night months later, and ultimately went completely nuts after moving in with my former best friend."


20. He sexually assaulted me. He forced me to take off my bra and then pegged me underneath him on the couch.

"He was my best friend since the age of like 4 or 5 (same age) and practically family. I had a shitty adolescent time, drank too much way too young and hung out with bad people, I lost almost all of my friends except this guy who stuck by me through thick and thin. Called me to check on me, always invited me to game nights, told me I was okay, made me feel alright again. He never pressured me to do anything with him, nothing like that at all even though there were plenty of other guys who did. We’d talk on the phone several times a week until the end and I was adamant we were only friends—he was fine with this and was dating and all of that. Cue a few years ago.

I had a mental breakdown one night and he came over to help me out but started acting weird. Wanted me to cuddle in bed next to him to feel “closer to each other” (he had a steady girlfriend and I’m not okay with this either way) and gets upset about it, all while I’m crying and shaking uncontrollably on the couch.

We have a weird relationship for a few months where I’m not comfortable seeing him anymore but we still talk. One night I decided to invite him over to watch a movie like old times.

He sexually assaulted me. He forced me to take off my bra and then pegged me underneath him on the couch. Did it matter that I said no, and did he care? No, he deserved it and he had been a nice guy, a friend, for so long. I said a loud no and it didn't matter, he wanted to do it again sometime, maybe regularly if I didn't mind.

I haven't talked to him or you in years. I’ll never forgive you."


21. He lost it. He began insulting me, telling me I led him on.

"I was 16 and quite lonely so I posted something on Tumblr so people would message me. I added a 26 y/o guy from NY (I am from Switzerland, so time zones are different). In my mind it was clear and it seemed obvious that I didn’t want anything romantic as we had 10 years of difference and I TOLD him that I only wanted a friend.

Well, after messaging for a while he told me he had to go to sleep and made me promise to continue to talk to him once he woke up. Weird but whatever I thought. Few hours later he messaged me and talked about how he wanted me to be his girlfriend and so on. I told him again that I was only looking for a friend.

He lost it. He began insulting me, telling me I led him on (even though I told him I was only looking for a friend when we first talked). I ended up having to block him because I couldn’t get him to calm down or to understand that I didn’t want to talk to him anymore.

I never made another post to meet new people online after that."


22. He flat-out screamed at me ‘FUCK YOU! You’re just a cold bitch! I bet your boyfriend’s an asshole anyway!!!’

"I was friends with this guy for a couple years but was never interested in dating him. I was fairly certain he was aware of that, and since he never said or did anything that seemed to me like he was interested in me either, I assumed we were legitimately friends. He never asked me out, he never made any comment even suggesting he wanted anything more. We were fairly close and had a lot of mutual friends. I never thought anything else was going on.

Apparently, this was not the case. A couple days after I got a new boyfriend, I update my relationship status on Facebook. My ‘friend’ calls me within like…2 minutes of this update, and immediately starts shouting at me, demanding to know why he ‘wasn’t good enough for me’ and why my boyfriend ‘was so much better than him.’ I tried to get him to calm down, but he just kept yelling about how he was a ‘nice guy’ and how he had ‘always been so nice to me, why didn’t I ever give him a chance?’ I calmly tried to explain to him that I never got any signals from him, and I didn’t think I ever did anything to lead him on or anything, and he shouted that ‘he’s such a nice guy and doesn’t deserve to be friend-zoned like this.’

I made one final attempt to salvage the conversation and tried to explain that I was sorry if he felt deceived, but it also really hurt my feelings that I thought he legitimately valued me as a person and wanted to be my friend, but now he’s just mad I won’t sleep with him. He flat-out screamed at me ‘FUCK YOU! You’re just a cold bitch! I bet your boyfriend’s an asshole anyway!!!’

I hung up on him and he never spoke to me again. Two years of relatively close friendship down the drain in one phone call. It felt pretty shitty."


23. When I read and didn’t respond to his message, he texted me ‘whore’ and ‘fuck you I’m a nice guy.’

"When I read and didn’t respond to his message, he texted me ‘whore’ and ‘fuck you I’m a nice guy.’ The irony…


24. He says he’s fine with friendship and says he understands me so much.

"I haven’t had many, but I had a recent one. Met a guy at work briefly, later see that he friended me on Facebook and asks me out. I said I wasn’t looking for a relationship, especially with all my work troubles. He says he’s fine with friendship and says he understands me so much.

Over the next few weeks he sends me messages about cats or the weather, stuff like that. Usually about four in a row, all about an hour apart. I don’t really respond much.

Then the other day I wake up to a text that says, “hey” so I write “hey what’s up.” I didn’t see that the first text was from the previous night. He next text I get back says something like, “well I WAS going to invite you to a party last night but I see you were hanging out with other people. It’s too bad, I guess I’ll just delete your number. I could have loved you forever.”

I text back basically saying what the hell is that all about?? He then says that he couldn’t stand that I was with someone else and could I please understand.

I thought the messages were mean because I met him once, never hung out with him, had good reasons for not starting anything, and yet he tries to make me feel bad when I’m already not doing well."


25. He flipped his chair over bolting up and started yelling about how I was a slut and wasted his time.

"Met on a dating site between relationships. Described himself as nice and respectful. ‘What a woman wants is important!’

We met at a seafood restaurant and he was really nice and respectful. He tried to pull my chair out but I’d done it myself. I jokingly offered to pull his chair out. We’d had a nice dinner but didn’t really ‘click.’ He seemed perfectly fine. After the scallops we talked about life goals and then wrapped the dinner up. He asked me when he could see me again and I said “I had a great time, but I am not sure a second date will work out. Good luck dating!” and put my half of the dinner tab down. He’s been honest and so had I that we’d had a couple of other people “on deck” and were just testing the waters.

He flipped his chair over bolting up and started yelling about how I was a slut and wasted his time and if I wasn’t going to put out then I could have at least paid for my meal (as my money and a tip were already on the table?)

I walked away and stopped doing dating sites.

Another ‘nice guy’ held me hostage in my bathroom at knifepoint because I broke up with him, but the other guy was by far the worst.


26. He was pretty sure I was the girl that his mom prayed for him to marry.

"Oh, man. In the summer between my sophomore and junior year of college, I came home and volunteered to help my parents’ church out because they were down a singer. The guy playing drums that Sunday asked for my number. He was kinda cute and seemed shy, so I said yes.

So we go out for coffee, he invites me to his house, and it’s early so I go with. It’s really awkward, but I felt bad for the guy because he wasn’t unattractive so he obviously just had really bad social skills. At his house, he introduces me to his parents, whom he lives with. He tells them “This is the one from church I told you about!”

Then after his parents go to bed, he tells me how his mom had been ‘praying for me to meet my wife at church,’ and then the next week he did!

He then drove me back to my car (Nothing happened, of course, I felt too awkward to even sit on the same couch as him after he accidentally told me).

I stopped talking to him after that, and he sent me some really sad messages about how we had such a good connection and yadda yadda yadda. I started dating someone not long after that and he sent me a message about how upset he was, because I obviously wasn’t “ready for a relationship” and how I had “lied to him,” which I never did. He then proceeded to block me on Facebook and Instagram. From time to time he’ll read me, and I will ignore him.

He didn’t get very harassing but that’s what I think of when I hear ‘nice guy.’

I’m a Christian, and I’m all for praying with your spouse, but this is TOO FAR to go on a first date. So crazy."


27. He proceeded to act like a victim of ‘the friend zone’ and complain that she didn’t like ‘nice guys.’

"A friend of mine thought he was the ‘nice guy.’ He was pretty smitten with a girl he’d met on the school bus. Over the course of the school year my friend:

*Would lick his lips violently and bang on the table whenever he saw her from a distance

*Tell everyone around when she would wear yoga pants in the most obvious way possible (loudly saying ” look at her ass!”

*Routinely thrust his hips towards her whenever he stood behind her

*Get visibly aroused when she sat next to him on the bus

*Constantly go into her class for our photo class and take pictures of her cleavage/ass on the teacher’s camera and not even bother to wipe the SD card. Tried to get upskirt creep shots and got caught by the teacher

*Constantly tell us how he would masturbate thinking about her

*He stole someone else’s photo of her, made several copies of it in the dark room, and showed people one of the pictures encrusted in his cum, including a friend of the girl

*Called her a bitch behind her back when she wore jeans because “he couldn’t get a good look at her assets”

*Asked her to prom, and when she obviously said no, proceeded to act like a victim of “the friendzone” and complain that she didn’t like “nice guys.”


28. He had me by the front of my shirt up against a wall laying down the law about how things would be from now on.

"Met ‘Bill’ at a friend’s party. There was definite attraction so we started dating. We really had fun—it seemed like we could make a good life together. After a year together he asked me to move in with him and it looked like a good idea. The first night in his house he had me by the front of my shirt up against a wall laying down the law about how things would be from now on.

It’s like the niceness was a front to get me exactly where he wanted me—under his roof and his rules. He seemed to think that he now owned me. That sure didn’t work for me. I packed up and got out within days."


29. He’d pursued me for over five years. When the time came, I gave it a go. He became my stalker.

"The thing that made him a ‘nice guy’ was that he was adored and highly respected professionally by his circle of friends. So sweet, thoughtful, well mannered. Extremely handsome and talented. Fascinating life, blue chip circle of friends (I don’t want to give too many specific details). He’d pursued me for over five years. When the time came, I gave it a go. He became my stalker….

Quickly discovered he was an emotional infant with airs of superiority, viewed himself as the intellectual counterpart to my silly head, liked to “air conduct” classical music in front of his stereo (I had to include that one), turned down any sexual advances I made, was the worst lover I ever had (he had a reputation as an amazing lover mostly promoted by himself)…I came to believe he was a deeply, deeply closeted homosexual but that’s a whole other post. He was also mildly homophobic which he only expressed in private with me.

There was a lot more I won’t go into. If I was ever upset about anything, however mildly, he was emotionally incapable of discussing it without becoming extremely defensive to the point of sabotaging the gentlest of conversations about my feelings with him sobbing and throwing himself on the floor. Literally pushed me away from any sexual advances. Once I was cuddling up to him and placed my hand on his thigh. He pushed me away and explained that hey, that was a huge turnoff. Pillow talk might send him out of bed, pacing the floor yelling at me and jabbing his finger in the air. There was more of this sort of thing that happened but not much because…

I ended it abruptly. I was of an age where I was not going to fucking waste a minute of my time on it. I tried to discuss our relationship, mostly with regards to the sex, which was not going well. It tried to talk to him multiple times, in person, on the phone, via email. Like grownups do when a relationship starts to have bumps. Because it was impossible to talk to him, and he wouldn’t listen to me, I spelled out the end our relationship in an email. So, he told his friends I “broke up with him in an email.” Of course, these were all his friends I had been brought into, not mine.

I began getting mildly threatening and very creepy ‘anonymous’ letters that were obviously from him. He began enlisting people I’d never met, and even someone he’d just met, to harass me on his behalf for the next year. I started to document it and tell friends. He did some big, showy confrontational things in public places where he knew I’d be, and also enlisted other people. That’s when I contacted the police. I’m trying not to be too detailed, but he got a phone call (this was done as a personal favor to me) from a police officer that scared the shit out of him and it stopped. He was in his late 40’s when he was doing this.

And I know, that all of his friends think I’m some terrible bitch and that he’s this nice guy that 'can’t find the right girl."


30. A few days later he sent me a picture of him pissing.

"So many come to mind but these were the first two I thought of:

1) Old guy who was the dad of an acquaintance. The guy must have been in his 60’s. We ran into each other often in social situations and he was always really friendly (in a fatherly way I thought). One day he needed to have dental work done and wasn’t able to drive afterwards and offered me some cash to drive him. I needed the cash and I figured why not? A couple days later I ran into him again and he asked me if I would be interested in being his ‘lover’ in exchange for money and that he was a nice guy and would treat me nicely. Whut. I don’t even know how the conversation got there but it was clear he had been planning on asking me this. Extra gross because I knew his daughter, like dude wtf. Really old dudes can still be creeps, lesson learned.

2) This guy never actually said he was a nice guy but his actions said enough. We went on a date, had stuff in common and got along, but I just didn’t feel anything romantic. I told him this at the end of the date when he tried to kiss me and he kept going on about how he didn’t understand why I would even “let the date continue” (like what was I supposed to do, just bail halfway through?) and how he thought everything had gone well. I said sorry I’m just not feeling it and we ended the date. He texted me the next day apologizing and asking if I wanted to just be friends because we did get along and have a lot in common. He seemed genuine so I said sure. Over the next 2 years we’d occasionally hang out, meet up for lunch and chat. He had a girlfriend for most of those 2 years but they eventually broke up. Then one day he tries to give me a massage, but I was uncomfortable with it and cut it off. A few days later he sent me a picture of him pissing. Yes, you read that right. I was like dude, why would you send me that? I know you have a weird sense of humor but don’t send me pics of your piss, I don’t want to see it. He BLEW UP. He must have sent me about 30 texts ranting on and on about how he didn’t understand why I would make “such a big deal out of it” and he was just trying to be funny and that he didn’t want to be friends with me anymore if I was so uptight. I kept saying “ok that’s fine please stop texting me then”, to which he would reply with another 10 angry texts. He clearly had been hoping that someday he could still get in my pants and when he realized I really wasn’t interested he picked a fight over something stupid to end our ‘friendship”. Super weird dude."


31. He kept trying to put my hand down his pants. I kind of just froze. Then he backed me against the wall and kissed me.

"When I was about 16, an older female friend of mine was dating an even older guy. So she, myself, and another female friend went to his apartment one night to hang out. It started out with pizza and a movie, and the guy my friend was dating started telling a story about a guy friend who apparently had a huge penis. My friends and I joked about how we wanted to see it. Little did I know, the guy telling the story texts his well-endowed buddy about how there’s a young blonde who wants to see his junk, I guess. At any rate, the guy shows up and starts hounding me all night. He’s much older, and I’m woefully inexperienced and intimidated. He corners me in the stairwell and proceeds to tell me how lucky I am he came to see me. He said there were several other parties and girls waiting for him, but he wanted to be nice and come meet me. He kept trying to put my hand down his pants. I kind of just froze. Then he backed me against the wall and kissed me. He had a large nose and I just remember it pressing into my nose bone painfully. I finally just had to shove him off and stomp upstairs while he called me a bitch. I still cringe about how I just froze like an idiot."


32. A guy once PM’ed me, ‘Hey girl, you’re so beautiful. You look like you know how to suck a good cock.’

"A guy once PM’ed me, ‘Hey girl, you’re so beautiful. You look like you know how to suck a good cock.’ So I asked him how he’d feel if someone spoke to his sister like that. He immediately blew up and told me he’d kill me for talking about his family like that. Makes sense."


33. He posted my nudes on 4chan and insisted he was doing me a favor.

"A guy I dated for a year once posted my nudes on 4chan and insisted he was doing me a favor. If he weren’t so proud of how I look, he wouldn’t have posted them. He was being a “good boyfriend.” Why. Why why why."


34. He left me a voicemail telling me what I was wearing that day and then going into detail about how he wanted to kill me and assault and also end my young child's life.

"So my best nice guy experience was a guy I actually did try to date.

We went out once, he didn't have a lot going on (no job, no college, pending assault charges in another state for a 17-year-old girl) which he let me know on the first date. I decided that maybe now wasn't the best time for him to be dating but he was funny and nice so I said lets stay friends.

He agreed at first but then…

He started calling and texting me constantly. Whenever I didn't wanna hang out with him it was because I was too busy ‘being a slut and catching chlamydia”. As soon as I would respond he would apologize and be nice…for like 5 seconds. This continued, got worse, and I eventually just blocked his number.

He of course just started calling and texting form random phone numbers. One night when I had ignored him all day he left me a voicemail telling me what I was wearing that day and then going into detail about how he wanted to kill me and assault and also end my young child's life.

I had to change my number and file a police report to get him to leave me alone. That’s what I get for trying to find love on OKCupid."


35. He spends like 3 weeks messaging me just really mean, vile shit all the time.

"I had a crush on a dude in high school, he was part of my BFFs circle so we were together a lot. I’m upfront so I was pretty clear that I had some feelings for him, but he was uninterested in being anything more than friends, whatever, I had another boy kinda chasing me so I gave him a shot and we start dating, and I kept the friendship with the Nice Guy.

Flash-forward a year, Nice Guy has become one of my closest friends. We eat lunch together, hang out like every day, and my boyfriend is often included, although they weren’t close at all. Then a week before Nice Guy leaves for college, he confesses that he’s totally in love with me, my boyfriend will never fully understand me or treat me right (it’s been 4 years and we are still together soooo), and I pretty much owe it to him to dump my bf and fuck him before he moves to school. I said no, obviously. He freaks out and tries to make me pay him back for all the money he spent on me, which I had never liked in the first place and was always done sneakily, like putting movie tickets on his card before we got to the theater or paying for our food when I was in the bathroom.

He spends like 3 weeks messaging me just really mean, vile shit all the time, including some deeply personal stuff he was aware of due to our friendship. It hurts a lot to really regard somebody as a good, close friend and then be dropped like a hot potato when he realizes you still won’t put out. He still messages me occasionally, usually to try to hit on me and get pissed that I still love my boyfriend, then complains about being single. Gee motherfucker, I wonder why?"


36. I finally had to threaten to tell his mom he was harassing me.

"I’ve had some bad experiences with ‘nice guys’ including two harassing me to the point I dropped out of schools for the semester, but the most recent one was such an oh-my-heck-really that it’s almost funny. Almost.

The very first date we went on was a double (don’t trust guys much anymore, sorry) with my obviously gay best friend who is SERIOUSLY like my twin brother. Naturally, when everyone was leaving I hugged him.

My date put his arms around me and started barking like a dog. Like, straight up ‘ROWF ROWD ROWF RRRRRRR MINE!’ I sat there in shock for a few seconds trying to process what had just happened, but my best friend looked the guy dead in the eye and said ‘She is not a tree, you did not pee on her, never do that again.’

Bark Boy took offense to that. He still hates my best friend, but wasn’t dumb enough to mess with him, so that’s something. Instead he complained loudly about the guy every time I saw him because I was stuck at the same small college as him for a year and he was determined not to give up after that.

It’s a long, long story, but after almost two years of him “not giving up that easily!” I finally had to threaten to tell his mom he was harassing me. I wish I was joking. It worked, though. He believed all governments were evil, Feminism was the work of the devil and unfair to men, gay men are handy eunuchs to protect his harem, and the world will end but he’ll survive with his friends and his katanas. He is afraid of no man or authority, but terrified of his mom.

TL;DR Dog Boy tried to make me his fire hydrant."


37. His rationale was that he was a nice guy, the ONLY nice guy in fact, was trying to protect me from other dudes who only wanted to rape me.

"I made enough mistakes in my youth that I can generally spot them and run from a mile away but my ex got his friends to report back if they ever saw me in public with another dude and would flip out. Or things like, “I walked back to my dorm from rehearsal with a dude from my band.” Anything involving another guy, I got screamed at and sometimes beat up. His rationale was that he was a nice guy, the ONLY nice guy in fact, was trying to protect me from other dudes who only wanted to rape me. (He himself raped me a number of times while we were together.)

He did this shit for six months after we broke up too."


38. Suddenly I was a wanton whore who destroyed men, and he spent six months actively trying to get my boyfriend to break up with me.

"Was a friend of ten years when I started dating a guy in our mutual social circle after my divorce. It was like a switch had been flipped. Suddenly I was a wanton whore who destroyed men, and he spent six months actively trying to get my boyfriend to break up with me. He told my boyfriend that ‘women can hurt you’ (no shit…my boyfriend had just been through an awful divorce), tried to set my boyfriend up with a friend of his who would be just ‘perfect’ for him, got mad at my boyfriend for not going out to strip clubs and living the bachelor life with him every weekend. Keep in mind, my boyfriend is a father of two and hadn’t lived the ‘bachelor life’ in well over 10 years. He told my boyfriend that I had a ‘secret’ that would completely change his mind about me and reveal my true self. Turns out the ‘secret’ is something I’d mentioned to my boyfriend offhand before we’d even started dating.

It was not clear to either of us whether the Nice Guy wanted to date me or my boyfriend. Either way, he was salty as fuck about our relationship."


39. He ghosted on me and the kids (ages 6, 4, and 1) with my best friend.

"My high school boyfriend said all the right things, made me fall in love with him, made my family fall in love with him, married me, gave me the white picket fence house, three kids, typical American Dream. Everything was perfect. Or so I thought. Fast-forward six years…he ghosted on me and the kids (ages 6, 4, and 1) with my best friend. They’re now married and he signed away his parental rights to the kids. He just straight up dumped us all to start a new life with my (now ex) best friend. He sees the kids just often enough to open the wounds when they heal. He claims he’s a nice guy, but he had to follow his heart and she just didn’t want kids, even though she has one of her own."


40. He’d constantly text me, make incredibly sexual comments and look at me like a piece of meat.

"I have a pretty horrific nice guy story. When I was 18 I worked in a kitchen as a sous-chef with a big group of friends I had known since childhood. I was in a relationship with my first love. I loved it. We got a new kitchen porter, who immediately expressed an elaborate crush on me. At first it was funny, he was over the top in a jokey way, but I never ever expressed and interest in him and turned him down repeatedly, which everyone found hilarious. It became a running joke at work and at first I didn’t mind.

Then he started to take things too far. He’d constantly text me, make incredibly sexual comments and look at me like a piece of meat, I couldn’t bend over to pick something up without him making a comment. He’d start to just hang around me all the time, following me when I was trying to get stuff done, telling me that my boyfriend wasn’t good for me. All of my ‘friends’ at work (all male, by the way) just laughed and encouraged it. I got really angry one night and told him sternly to fuck off. He said “challenge accepted”. I didn’t really bring it up with my manager because he was always there witnessing it anyway and found it funny too.

Then me and my boyfriend broke up, and he went full-on fucking stalker. He knew where I’d be in the evening and turn up at the same place acting like it was all a big joke and we were practically together I was just playing hard to get. He would literally pin me up against the fridge and try to kiss me, all the while laughing at our coworkers who laughed, too. Nobody seemed to be on my side that this was just fucking horrible behavior and that it actually hurt me, especially after my first brea up. Everyone told me to “just go for it”, and “he obviously really likes you”. Blurgh.

The peak (or trough) of this story is when we all went to the staff party. I avoided him like the plague, but rashes stick. My big brother, who knows all my coworkers too, turned up and I sighed with relief as he visibly backed off. We all got very drunk and he kept his distance. Then I went out into the garden and he followed me. He had me cornered into a wall just now straight pleading. I said no, for the thousandth time, and he stepped forward and grabbed my crotch. He rubbed it for a bit and then said “you like it just admit it” and that “we’d always had people rooting for us”. I was just pushing him and he pushed my knickers aside and just shoved his fingers in. I punched him then, and he just sort of giggled and ran away. When I came in he was giving my “friends” his fingers to smell and everyone was laughing and high fiving him. I went home cried myself to sleep and quit my job the next day. Everyone then thought I was a massive bitch for ‘toying with him’ by supposedly letting him finger me. Fuck him and fuck them. Thankfully I don’t know them anymore."


41. He called my house at 2am repeatedly until I answered and told him it’s too late to talk.

"Met a guy in high school who was really nice. We would talk and hang out at lunch. One day, he called my house at 2am repeatedly until I answered and told him it’s too late to talk. After about the 3rd time he called again and my sister (my guardian at the time) answered and told him to stop calling. He called her a bitch and he stopped calling. The next day at school I avoided him and he followed me around. I made sure to be around someone at all times and he would harass another guy and say “why are you trying to steal my girl?” Then when I was sitting at my desk he sat on the ground by my feet and kept trying to slide his hands up under my clothes. After about a week of this he finally left me alone."


42. He spent most of his time badmouthing me to whomever would listen.

"We met in a group in undergrad, became friends. Slowly we became closer, I developed a crush on him, started hanging out more on our own, and one night after some drinks it escalated to kissing/cuddling.

I messaged him later letting him know that while I enjoyed what happened, I didn’t think it was a good idea for us to keep it up, as I had feelings for him, and wasn’t interested in a Friends with Benefits kind of setup.

He told me that he kind of had feelings as well, and that it might be nice to see how a relationship developed. So we do. We start dating—dinners, movies, all the physical stuff that comes with a relationship. When he was briefly hospitalized, I spent every night there with him. I opened up to him over time and told him about my history of sexual abuse, family history of substance abuse, etc. He opened up about his history of being used by his exes, how they were all horrible and had treated him horribly, how he’s just always been so nice that everyone takes advantage of him, that all he wants is to find a nice girl who will love him for who he is and that he can treat like a princess.

One night (probably about 4-5 months in) we’re laying in bed together watching a movie and I started telling him about a funny conversation I had at work, “So then I was saying, my boyfriend…” and I feel him stiffen up, and he kind of awkwardly says, “You know we’re not dating, right? Like, I thought we just had a fun thing going…”

So, apparently we’re FWB. The exact thing I told him I didn’t want. I asked him if we could start dating then, and he said he was just too busy for a relationship (even though we were basically in one), blah blah. I told him I was hurt and felt used, and that I wasn’t interested in being anything more than acquaintances in the future.

After that, I slowly started seeing someone, a guy who was actually pretty great and had actively pursued me, and guy #1 FLIPPED OUT. Apparently, even though he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me, I wasn’t allowed to be with anyone else.

For months afterward, he spent most of his time badmouthing me to whomever would listen, talking about how I used him, how I’m just like every other slut who thinks she’s too good for everyone, how he had treated me so well and I had ripped his heart out. The worst part, though, was that he told numerous individuals and groups of people all about my personal history. Apparently, a couple of times, after a couple drinks, he would even start to cast doubt on it, comparing what I “did to him” to my past abuse, stating that it was surprising to him that an alleged rape victim would “rape” the feelings of innocent men. We no longer speak, but I still hear about things he’s said about me a couple times a year.

It really made me wonder about all those “terrible” exes he had, and made me put more faith than ever into the thought that the way people talk to you about others is the same way they’ll talk to others about you. What a nice guy.

TL;DR- “Nice” guy starts “relationship” with me, I leave when I find out it’s FWB. Start dating a new guy, “nice” guy flips out, badmouths me to everyone, and betrays my trust. But I’m the horrible one."


43. He was splashing me, sort of aggressively flirting, dunking me, so I get out of the pool and he pins me down to kiss me.

"A guy friend in junior high. We had several classes and sat next to each other, platonic, loyal friends for 2 years before he got weird. He was hilarious, we could talk about anything. His house had a pool, so during warm weather a bunch of us would swim at his house after school. One day he invites me over to swim after school, when I get there, no one else is there, which was weird. He was splashing me, sort of aggressively flirting, dunking me, so I get out of the pool and he pins me down to kiss me. So I play it off as joking and leave. I give him the cold shoulder after that and he was pissed. Two weeks later and at a different friends’ house he and I are both there for a swim-birthday party and he and another guy give me a simultaneous front and back “seesaw” which is like a horrible double-wedgie in the pool. My swimsuit cut me so badly I bled."


44. He sent a HUUUUGE rant about how I was too afraid to date someone who might be worth it in the long run

"I had two obvious ones from OKCupid when I was still dating. Most guys I went out with were self hating and self absorbed, but primarily socially adjusted hipsters, but these guys jog my memory as the proverbial “nice guys”

The first was a guy I had great conversations with online, stayed up until 3am talking, couldn’t wait to meet him. We meet up in person and I immediately got a different vibe and wasn’t remotely attracted to him. We got on a bus together and he started loudly talking about his BDSM experience; I tried to steer the conversation towards something else but he kept going on about how I would benefit from being with a good dom and stuff and it was pretty uncomfortable. Our date was walking through the city and he mostly talked about his fanfiction ideas in a rambling way, putting no effort into getting to know me (which at this point was fine because I didn’t really want to talk much). In the end, I told him upfront I wasn’t really feeling it and I was sorry it didn’t match up to our online interactions, he guilted me into giving him a hug, and then made some comment about me missing out on his trust fund.

The other guy, I’m not sure why I even agreed on the date, but it was early in my online dating adventure and I guess I was guilted into it a little. I sat at a Mexican restaurant listening to this guy talk about how super obsessed he is with Rocky Horror in great detail, and at the end of dinner he said he loved how much we had in common. I think he had never met an attentive listener in his life, and I felt kinda sad about it until after gently putting him down he sent a HUUUUGE rant about how I was too afraid to date someone who might be worth it in the long run and that one day I would wake up and realize what I’d missed. I remember very little of it except the strange mixture of dread and pity I felt.

I think many insecure people, such as these “nice guys”, think they’re being judged and condemned as a horrible person when someone rejects them, instead of seeing it as part of a complex journey towards discovering what both involved parties want in life. It makes me sad to think about until I actually remember the sort of weird and often dangerous entitlement and degradation of women it breeds.

(In the end, I did find someone on OKCupid and we’re getting married next week! So, my online adventure worked out very well. My fiancé said I was one of very few women he actually went out with from OKC; I definitely had a more shotgun approach.)"


45. He ranted about how he was done with me and my whore ways.

"Was friends with a guy for a while. I was in a relationship already and he started out totally respectful of that. The relationship ended and my “friend” jumped into asking me out not even two days later. I declined him nicely. Said I needed time to figure stuff out. Once again totally respected it. We remained friends but any time a guy talked to me he reminded me “we had a deal. You pick me next.” We stopped talking for months due to each of us being busy.

I ended up in a new relationship. A week into my new relationship, I get a threatening message from my “friend”. He said “You needed time. Fine I am a nice guy, I gave it. You wanted to talk to other guys, be a whore, fine. I forgave you for it. I’m just that nice of a guy you know. Now YOU are with someone else?! If I see you again, I will stop being the nice guy.”

I didn’t think much of it. Figured I hurt him so it was only right he was mad about it. Ran into him with my new boyfriend and he dropped every secret about my last relationship. Told my new boyfriend how long he was waiting in line for me and got me stolen away by some “puny shit punk” then told my boyfriend he would never live up to be half the man my “friend” was for me.

Needless to say that relationship ended too but not due to the nice guy friend I had. I ended up not talking to him for two years. Get into a new relationship. Forgot about nice guy friend. Random message of hate appears out of the blue. He ranted about how he was done with me and my whore ways. That he was going to make me an honorable woman but clearly I’d rather be a common skank. When I got married 5 years later, pretty much the same message. Haven’t heard from him since though."


46. HE GOT ON MY BUS AND FOLLOWED ME HOME THAT DAY.

"Senior year of high school, about 6 years ago. This guy messaged me on Facebook saying that we went to school together and just asked how I was. His name sounded vaguely familiar, so I figured we did attend the same school, and I politely replied with a typical “doin’ fine. How are you?” type of message. Cutting to the chase, I accepted his FB friend request. Things are quiet for a few weeks, then he starts messaging me. Nothing too weird, basic small talk with a bit too many emojis. I was never overly nice to him, just polite and vague with my responses (I was in a relationship, so I wasn’t too keen on talking to boys who were obviously flirting with me) or I would just not say anything back at all. Eventually, he started messaging me every night. He asks me to come to his house, I decline saying that it would be inappropriate. He says he’d like to come to my house, I decline. He starts asking to meet up every day, I always say no. Here is when things get “bad”: He actually approaches me at school one day (I have never spoken to him in person) and starts asking to hang out. I tell him that I was busy. I go on with my day, as usual, until that night I get a message from him saying that I was a liar and that I didn’t have plans. HE GOT ON MY BUS AND FOLLOWED ME HOME THAT DAY. I didn’t respond and called my boyfriend immediately to tell him (I had already mentioned the “Niceguy” messaging me and making me feel weird) what happened. After my bf sends him a furious message, Niceguy comes back to me and calls me a bunch of horrible things saying that he should have “never loved me” and other creepy junk. I responded with a “you can’t love me, you don’t know me.” And promptly blocked him. He got a girlfriend a couple of weeks later and, to my fortune, has never spoken to me again."


47. Within the span of one week the Nice Guy facade crumbled.

"Met a guy who was seemingly really kind, understanding, etc. We were friends for months and decided to take it further. Within the span of one week the Nice Guy facade crumbled due to:

Him trying to convince me to have unprotected sex, asked him if he got tested since his last partner and he said he hadn’t in a long time. Told him he should get tested, boom, he has chlamydia. People fuck up, I’m somewhat forgiving despite the irresponsibility being gross and something that really bothers me–I believe strongly that people should get tested with each partner so STI’s don’t needlessly spread. I don’t catch it but have to spend a lot of money on multiple tests and I got treated anyway to be safe.
He “jokingly” tries to talk me into leaving my career to be a housewife and mother one day after becoming “a thing.” He knows I never ever ever want kids. He knows my job is the most important thing in my life. Makes up fantasy world where we live on a farm and I’m essentially barefoot and pregnant. Claims he thinks “God wants him to have a kid cause he got the last several girls he slept with pregnant.” This doesn’t sit well as he seems so opposed to using condoms.

I find out, totally by accident (two friends talking in front of me), that he got a friend of mine pregnant, kept sleeping with her while rubbing in her face that he didn’t want a relationship, and ditched her to get an abortion alone. Probably also gave her chlamydia. He told me they hooked up a few times and it didn’t work out.

He’s generally pushy and awful in every way from food decisions to forcing kisses to telling everybody we are dating before it’s actually “official.” I’ve had it after about a week and kindly say that after the STI thing (this actually came last chronologically l) I have a hard time seeing him romantically but let’s be friends etc."


48. He expects me to cook all the food, buy all the groceries, take care of all the bills, and do all the housework.

"I was dating this guy, really nice, we move in together. Awesome!

He expects me to cook all the food, buy all the groceries, take care of all the bills, and do all the housework. He occasionally takes a break from his busy schedule of drinking beer and watching sports to tell me I need to go to the gym/stop eating (I wear a size 2); he also criticizes my housekeeping abilities and constantly tells me how poorly my parents raised me (I’m a successful woman with a masters degree, he barely graduated high school and has never had anything other than an entry-level non-skilled job).
The kicker: he told me he was just being nice and trying to help me, because he cared so much about self-improvement.

Needless to say, we are no longer together."


49. When a guy says, ‘I’m a nice guy,’ that’s code for 'I'm not a nice guy.'

"Usually, when a guy says, ‘I’m a nice guy,’ that’s code for 'I'm not a nice guy.'" TC mark