Thought Catalog

Here’s How I Got My Boss To Sleep With Me At Our Office Christmas Party

Posted: 20 Dec 2016 08:00 PM PST


I had been looking forward to the office Christmas party for a different reason than all of my boring coworkers: I was trying to sleep with my boss and I knew the alcohol combined with an excuse for me to wear something tight was the perfect background for it to finally happen.

My gut told me he felt the same way about me. I’d get the suggestive emails late at night when I knew he’d been drinking. He ignored them in the morning but they came with a regularity that made me feel secure that the feelings were mutual. You don't drunkenly email your employee about the length of their skirt if that topic of conversation isn't deeply interesting to you in a way you'd rather not explore sober.

I was young enough to not care about the fact that it's probably really stupid to try to seduce your job. My job wasn't that great, it's not something I couldn't do anywhere else in town. I was bored and this was exciting. There was a heat to it I didn't feel like passing up. So I decided the Christmas party was it.

The day before the party I got up the nerve to email him in the afternoon and ask the dress code for the party. He replied with whatever the standard line was about cocktail attire before I really pressed him, "what I meant was, how short of a dress should I wear?"

He didn't respond for the rest of the work day, which drove me a little crazy. I thought maybe I had been mistaken about his feelings and tried deciphering the way he looked when he walked past my desk, but he was stoic as ever. I thought maybe I looked like a silly, hopeful little girl, so I switched to just ignoring him.

I was already in bed that night when I got a text from an unknown number: "Knee-length. Professional. But I want to see a sheer thong on you when I take it off."

It was him. I didn't know the number but I knew him.

A delicious feeling of victory and anticipation washed over me. This was happening. Thongs weren't really my thing, but that could be arranged easily enough. I also had some black thigh highs that I never wore because they were a pain, but that I always thought looked particularly sexy while undressing. Those and a black dress that flattered me but was modest enough for my coworkers would do the trick.

Emboldened by his response, I sent him a message back detailing the thigh high component of the outfit.

"This is a good visual. Will you be able to keep quiet while I fuck you in the office?"

I was nervous to text more then and ruin what promised to be the most exciting night of the year, so I just sent back a short "you'll see."

The next day at work was torture. I was so turned on by his message and the detailed fantasy that was now playing out in my head that I couldn't focus on anything else. The anticipation was making my physically uncomfortable. By the time I went home to shower and change I was extremely keyed up.

The party was held in the cafeteria of our office building. It sounds kind of depressing but they'd bought a lot of nice decorations and it was dark except for the twinkling Christmas lights everywhere, so it really did look kind of romantic and festive.

I was maybe the most nervous I've ever been, but excited enough that the nerves didn't matter. His words had been clear, he was looking forward to this as much as I was and knowing his nature, he was going to take the lead anyway.

I made sure to go early. I needed to be a few cocktails deep to calm my nerves. When he arrived I was buzzed enough to be bold. I brought him a drink and wished him a good Christmas in front of a group of our coworkers. Everyone was cheerful and happy to blow off some steam, no one bothered to noticed the way I tried to be a little seductive when I said it or that I managed to turn around and make sure my ass made full contact with his crotch as I cut through the group to walk away.

I wasn't surprised that he followed me so I kept on walking through the party and back up to his office. He shut the door behind me.

His mouth was on mine before I even saw him. I was completely enveloped by his hands and his tongue and my dress was pulled up to my waist before I regained consciousness about what was happening. I was sitting on the edge of his desk and he had stopped kissing and touching me to pull m thong down with both hands. The next instant he had slipped a few fingers inside me while he used his other hand to pull my hair back and expose my bare neck to his mouth.


I wasn't even sure what I was begging him for, but he knew. He guided my arms to the waistband of his suit pants and I was undoing them. So that I could push them down and release his cock. He was hard and his cock was perfectly thick but I didn't pause to savor the moment. I scooted to the edge of the desk so he could enter me immediately.

His weight was on me and he was thrusting hard. I moaned a bit before I got a hold of himself and he covered my mouth tightly with one of his hands. The slight taste of him in my mouth while pushing me close to the edge. I pulled his hand down slightly so that I could suck on his fingers while he fucked me. It kept me quiet and gave me something to focus on and his immediate groan told me he loved it.

His other hand was around my thigh, holding me close while I tried to keep them tight around his waist. He was the loud one now, grunting a bit which each thrust. His hands began to clench and he finished inside me with a satisfying series of manly moans. I felt completely satisfied with my plan to be the catalyst for such a primal expression of lust.

He removed himself from me and zipped himself up while I pushed my dress down and tried to straighten the wrinkles out that had formed in the last few minutes. As we moved towards the door I saw him stop to pick up my thong and place it into his pocket. He ushered me out of the door and into the low lights of the party without saying a word — until I felt my phone buzz a few minutes later and saw a text:

"You're very talented with your mouth, I'm going to need to investigate this further." TC mark

The Single Sentence That Describes Your Sex Life, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Posted: 20 Dec 2016 07:00 PM PST

Aries: March 21st – April 19th

Getting your hair pulled and your ass spanked while tipsy off of wine.

Taurus: April 20th – May 20th

Gazing into each other’s eyes and forming an intimate connection that goes beyond the physical.

Gemini: May 21st – June 20th

Being a dominatrix with a whip in your hand one day and a handcuffed submissive the next.

Cancer: June 21st – July 22nd

Making soft, sweet love and then leaving your clothes scattered across the floor while cuddling.

Leo: July 23rd – August 22nd

Flaunting your body and feeling like a goddess when your partner looks at you like you’re the sexiest sight his eyes have ever beheld.

Virgo: August 23rd – September 22nd

Being intertwined for so long that your bodies become one and your orgasm triggers theirs.

Libra: September 23rd – October 22nd

Letting your shyness slip away and getting on top to make yourself orgasm harder than ever before.

Scorpio: October 23rd – November 21st

Getting tossed onto a bed and then clawing at each other while feeling nibbles on your neck.

Sagittarius: November 22nd – December 21st

‘Casually’ sleeping with someone that you secretly hope stays until morning to eat breaking with you.

Capricorn: December 22nd – January 19th

Doing the kinkiest shit imaginable to take your mind off of the stress of everyday life.

Aquarius: January 20th – February 18th

Letting your partner take total control while you relax with your head thrown back.

Pisces: February 19th – March 20th

Laughing and moaning with your best friend until you both reach orgasm. TC mark

You’re Single Because You’re Annoying

Posted: 20 Dec 2016 06:00 PM PST

Carlos R
Carlos R

Dating in the digital age is inexplicably more difficult than dating during our parents time. It was a much simpler time. You go out with your friends, you meet someone, exchange numbers, go on a few dates and BOOM you're married with kids.

Today it doesn't quite happen that way anymore. You find your potential boyfriend/girlfriend from various places such as Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. It starts when someone just so happens to share your post or a retweet, and that carefully selected icon picture just makes him fall right into lust. Being the self-assured person he is, he decides to slide in your messages and take a chance at true love or at least a random hookup for his troubles. To his surprise you actually give him your phone number. Of course this exchange doesn't last long because SIR, YOU'RE ANNOYING.

Most guys initially mess up when they try to hard. Sending her constant messages if she does not respond at the speed of your choosing is unacceptable. Maybe she's busy with work or school. But being that we have established you're annoying chances are she's ignoring you. Constant messaging doesn't increase affection just lessens it. So back off the keyboard, BRO.

Probably the most important message I have to impart upon you is the unsolicited penis pictures. Penis pictures are the online equivalent of the subway flasher. You know that creepy guy wearing the trench coat. Yeah, that's you. DON'T. PLEASE. It is very much so not enticing and will usually result in getting blocked. You can't possibly respect me by sending me your penis first thing in the morning, as if that is equal to a morning text. I have yet to discover what your favorite color is but I know your penis curves to the left? BYE ANNOYING!

Also, stop making me lie to you. I let my apprehensions be known but you take that as "let me be more persistent." I pride myself on being an honest person, but you don't want to hear the truth, so now I have to fake like I'm a workaholic because you just don't want to take no for an answer. Maybe channel that energy into achieving positronic distillation of subatomic particles so David doesn't have to live in Minsk anymore since you're so persistent.

Don't bash my ex boyfriend in the hopes of getting closer to me. That just makes you appear extremely insecure. No one likes an insecure spouse.

Lastly, Netflix and chill is not a date. When you're serious about getting to know someone meet up in a neutral setting. Keeping it traditional is still appreciated. Some people won't feel comfortable having a first date on your sofa. Gentle reminder, too much affection too fast is suffocating. Nothing kills the mood like having to smack you because you can't keep your hands to yourself. TC mark

28 Men Reveal The Superficial Traits They Consider Relationship Dealbreakers

Posted: 20 Dec 2016 05:00 PM PST


Responses sampled from the very picky men over at R/AskMen


I won’t date a woman with kids is my most “controversial” I suppose.

I know that’s not really so out there but a lot of people act like I’m the bad guy for not wanting that baggage/responsibility.

— wickedblight


Male here, I won’t date or consider women who;

Have kids, are fat, was fat once, have bad skin, have tattoo’s (that can be seen in a cocktail dress), smoke, are uneducated, are ghetto, date outside of their race, are messy, have money issues, saggy tits, doesn’t wear make-up, or chew’s with their mouth open.

— NolanKnowstheTruth


I won’t date uppity white girls.

— OMGImTriggered


Must not watch porn and must not have patriotic tattoos. Most people seem to think these deal-breakers of mine are ‘controversial’.

— RagingFuckalot


I’m Catholic, so I’m only interested in dating Catholic women — that isn’t terribly controversial, most people are fine with that — but naturally as a Catholic I’m also Pro-Life (and of course I expect my partner to be Pro-Life) and that’s when a lot of people look at me like I’m some monster. It’s really stupid but that’s the cultural climate in America right now.

— billyalt


  • No Christians or religions that require me to go with them constantly to a temple of some sorts. Don’t care about the occasional visit for events and whatever, but no weekly bullshit.
  • No cigarette smokers.
  • No country girls. Don’t care for the lifestyle and find it boring.
  • No girls from super rich families that are snobs. It’d be nice to have a sugar mama but her family and her attitude would be a pain in the ass to deal with.
  • No women with kids who are over tenish or have the child’s biological father in their life.
  • I like sexually adventurous women but I can’t bring myself to get into bdsm, of any form.
  • If you have some slight bad hygiene issues, it’s whatever. But if you have ugly or nasty hair, keep walking.
  • If she has a nasty bathroom or there’s just stuff lying around everywhere in there, I don’t want to live with her.
  • I don’t think I’ve met a woman in my age range that doesn’t know how to use a computer or smartphone yet, but if she hates them or refuses to use them, then she needs to learn quick.
  • Weird one as well, she has to have a driver’s licence. Don’t wanna drive her around everywhere.
  • No military women.
  • No super skinny women without curves. Rails aren’t much to grab on to. Fit, fat, thicc are all a go.
  • And my most selfish one, if she doesn’t like Indian food, I don’t like her.

— DhavyBear


I wont date a girl of her dad is bald/balding. Male baldness is a genetic quality you get from your mom and in the event we have kids, I don’t want my son to have to worry about balding when he ages.

— MajikPwnE


Upper middle class background -or above, preferably.

Went to a better school- like Smith or Wellesley, etc.

Has at least traveled abroad for a time (lived abroad is a plus).

Fat free, no “thickness” is a requirement. Taller than 5′ 7″ is a plus.

— the-camster


I have a cigar once or twice a week but anyone who smokes cigarettes is off the table. Having lived with smokers before, it’s an absolutely disgusting habit.

— r4ptor


My physical standards are quite high. 5’10″+ and model thin or I won’t really consider them for anything more than a bit of fun.

— yessum447


I’ve a few I’ve gotten flack over:

Must be STD free

Must be educated (better than a BA/BS)

Must have no mental illness

— Diablo165


I won’t date bisexuals, or girls who have had bisexual experiences.

I don’t have a fetish for bisexual girls like 99% of other men, but more to the point I don’t want to be with someone who has an inherant desire for something I cannot provide. I want monogamy, so no open relationships/threesomes. Therefore I think there is a non-trivial chance that she will become dissatisfied with the relationship at some point.

Many will see this as biphobia, but in all honesty I have nothing against bisexuals . I just don’t want to date them (and I’m sure most of them wouldn’t want to date me).

— Anonymous


If they’re into feminism it’s not happening.

— satin_pajamas


Must have a nuclear family, as in parents married.

All the women I have dated who haven’t had that have massive amounts of baggage.

— Tacticool90


Don’t have major social media use. I find the whole thing about taking pictures of yourself so fucking cringy and such a waste of time. like i don’t think i’ve found anyone a girl who’s representation online is actually her and not some sort of weird thing they’ve built online

But that seem’s pretty rare these days

— Greatness-become


No kids; low partner count; same race.

— HS_Did_Nothing_Wrong


Can’t date someone who has dated ugly people in the past.

— Deadinthehead


I won’t go long-term with someone who isn’t comfortable sexualizing breastfeeding.

Some women need a firewall between their life as a mother and that as a partner.

Not for me.

— starsgoround


Not just no kids, but never wanting kids as well. Dating while being childfree is tough.

— Attack_Symmetra


I don’t want someone whose had lots of sexual partners.

Just retch at the notion of a girl sleeping around like crazy in her youth then deciding she wants to settle down. And she chooses me for that.


— DredFX


I much prefer promiscuous women to their prude counterparts. I like that they want to get fucked and then choose me, instead like me first and then want to fuck. It’s like going out to eat when your hungry, you go to your favorite restaurant. If you aren’t hungry you can go anywhere because you’re just gonna get a salad anyway. I like being that favorite restaurant.

— easyasNYC


She talks about dick size AT ALL. Not so much as hint about dick size about any guy.

— albatrossG8


If her vagina is too roomy for my penis/my penis isn’t big enough for her vagina. Some people just aren’t a good anatomical match. No judgement.

— Lannister963


Sexual purity.

I haven’t had any past partners, and I’d prefer that she didn’t either.

— seeking_virgin_bride


I won’t date a workaholic. If you’re working 50+ hours a week, I have no interest.

— GunzGoPew


I really like women who are good big sisters – like, who have a little sibling that they support, look out for, etc. I’ve found it to be a really strong indicator that a girl is worthwhile. (Like, has her own life together, and is a good person. I don’t like phrasing it that way, but I’m having trouble doing better.)

Obviously it’s not a strict requirement – not your fault if you’re an only child – but I take it as a huge good sign when I do see it.

Oh, for longterm dating: Must want kids. Absolute dealbreaker if she doesn’t.

— FreakyCheeseMan


Don’t be religious. I simply can’t date a woman whose life is at all affected by some kind of superstitious belief, no matter how mainstream. I once dated a girl who said “This relationship will be between me, you and Christ.”

I distinctly remembering telling her that maybe Christ should pay for dinner and eat her out next time.

— MrTaylor11


It’s ridiculous that I have to say this but physical fitness. I won’t date someone who doesn’t take great care of their body. Why this is deemed “controversial” by some I don’t understand

— StillNeverNotFresh TC mark

23 Divorced Men And Women Share The Relationship Lessons They Wish They’d Known From The Start

Posted: 20 Dec 2016 04:00 PM PST

via Unsplash - Alejandra Quiroz
via Unsplash – Alejandra Quiroz

1. Explain Your Feelings, It’s Okay To Be Mad

“Explaining why you feel a certain way. If they ask what’s wrong with you, don’t just huff and say “nothing”. Explain yourself in an appropriate way (ie no yelling, blaming, belittling). Work towards a solution.

Also what I learned from counseling after a divorce was it’s okay to be mad. So many times I bottled up my feelings with my ex-husband because he would ridicule me if I was mad, saying things like ‘Are you on your period?’ or ‘Why are you such a bitch?’ I’ve learned it’s okay to be mad. It’s a valid feeling, and as mentioned prior, convey those feelings appropriately to work towards a solution.”


2. If You’re Mad, Wait Until You’re Not Made To Talk About It

“Something I learned rather late in my 25 years of marriage is that there are sometimes when somebody says, ‘nothing,’ when you ask what’s wrong can mean ‘look, I am angry, I realize I’m being irrational, but right now I cannot talk about what’s bothering me because I know I’ll get over it. But discussing why I am mad will probably lead to me feeling foolish about it, I’ll flip out, and I don’t want to feel foolish.’

I’m not saying that’s right or mature, but it was never articulated to me that way.”


3. There Are Things A Relationship Cannot Fix

“Don’t get married when you have crippling mental health issues in your early 20’s. A marriage won’t fix it.

Love yourself before you claim to love another.”


4. Don’t Be Emotionally Dependent On Your Partner

“A lot of people do the whole I’m miserable unless I’m with someone’ thing. Puts a lot of emotional dependency on the partner.

I got out of a borderline abusive relationship and spent over two years not dating. It was AMAZING. I got to know myself again. Got to figure out who i was and who i wanted to be, and exactly what kind of person i wanted to spend my life with.

Eventually met him and got married. I knew almost immediately that i was in love. Best decision of my life.

Time to figure out yourself is SO ESSENTIAL.”


5. Keep Doing You

“Having separate interests in addition to things you enjoy doing together.

‘Me’ time is important to both people.”


6. Truly Be The Best Of Friends

“I always felt ‘I married my best friend!’ was bullshit. But it’s the most common aspect among my happily married friends. They don’t have to announce this best friendship to the world, you can just see it. They trust, enjoy, and are honest with each other in a way only best friends do.”


7. A Cheater Will Cheat

“If she’s sleeping around, probably not going to be a good marriage. If she’s cheating to be with you, then when you get married, she’s going to cheat again. (Learned both those the hard way, one marriage a piece).”


8. You Will Be Treated As Their Ex Was Treated

“Pay attention to how she (or he, trust me on this) talks about their ex, and how they treated them both before and after they broke up. They will treat you the same way.”


9. Ask “How Will This Help The Relationship?”

“When you get married, it becomes about the relationship as a separate entity of which you are one part of, and your spouse is the other part. All major decisions should ask, ‘how does this help the relationship?’ Not, ‘how does this help me? What do I get out of this?’ If both of you think about the relationship first? Then you should be OK. I think when people start to think only about themselves selfishly, the relationship becomes weak and easily broken.

I was married for 25 years, and probably would’ve been married longer had she not passed away. We went through some rough times. Health, finances, poverty, and even some mental health issues where both of us nearly called it quits. But she supported me when I was weak, and I supported her when she was weak, all because of the relationship.

It was us vs. the world, not each for themselves.”


10. Sex Matters, A Lot

“Regular sex increases bonding: schedule it if you have to. Children are generally harmful to marriages unless you have “me time” and couple time weekly. Be very aware of this, especially with a newborn. Be sure you heave at least 30 minutes a day to yourself, and 30 minutes a day alone as a couple. Focusing entirely on kids will divide you, not unite you. Your spouse is more important than anyone. You don’t want to have your kids move out and to find out you live with a stranger that hates you. I learned this from my divorced friends with kids.”


11. Simple Acts Of Kindness Are Enormous

“After divorcing my wife and I went through about 5 years of hell with each other fighting in court over custody and general bullshit.

The thing I took away from this is simple acts of kindness even towards people you don’t like can have some crazy effects.

Needless to say I am happy to say we have gotten back together and are raising our daughter together like it should be.

All it took was a kind phone call and trying to reach peace that eventually got us dating again. It’s been 6 months and things have been great.”


12. It’s Up To You To Make Sure You’re Understood

“Good communication is essential. You can’t just say something and hope for the best. You need to be sure the other person has understood you and that you have understood them.”


13. You Have To Be Committed

“Commitment to the marriage. Marriage is hard work, if you have one foot out the door – the relationship is doomed. Divorce shouldn’t ever be threatened or considered as an option going into it. That’s what defines a commitment to begin with, it’s what it’s all about. Too many people do not take it seriously enough.”


14. Guidelines On How To Make Sure They’re The One

  • “Don’t get married quickly. If you can’t wait at least a year to get married then you’re going too fast.
  • Move in together before you get married, don’t assume you’ll just get along without waking up next to the other person for at least a few months.
  • Talk about EVERYTHING, if there is something you can’t talk to them about than you’re probably not ready to live with the person for the rest of your life.
  • Remember, it’s easier to break off a live-in relationship than it is to get a divorce.
  • Don’t have kids unless BOTH of you REALLY want kids. There are more than enough kids in the world without you making a mistake and bringing a couple more into the mix. And keep in mind that the world they are coming into will probably be worse than the one you’re in right now.”

15. Stability Looks Boring

“Never divorced but I’ve learned this: stability looks boring.

Any relationship that looks like a lot of fun is probably not good long-term potential.”


16. Put Your Fears Aside

“Communication about EVERYTHING. And put your fears aside and be vulnerable.”


17. Fight Fair

“Fight fair and don’t resort to name calling.”


18. They Will Not Change So Be Able To Accept Them

“You will never change the other person. Acceptance and tolerance. Being ‘there’ for them.”


19. Love Isn’t Enough

“Love isn’t enough. You have to have mutual trust, mutual respect, and honesty in your communication with one another. You can love someone to the moon and back, but if you lie about important stuff, or avoid talking through the big things, or make them feel like shit, you’re gonna have a bad time.”


20. Don’t Let Things Build Up

“Keep the lines of communication open, even if it’s uncomfortable, even if that thing in the back of your mind seems tiny or like maybe you’re just imagining things.

Could have made such a big difference if we just talked more often and were more open about things we were thinking, instead of letting them build up.”


21. Speak To Their Love Language, Not Your Own

“It doesn’t matter what you think you should do to show you care. What matters is what your partner wants you to do to show you care. For example I think buying flowers is stupid and leaving love notes is a waste of time. However she wanted those things. She wouldn’t have minded sharing other responsibilities that I would take on to show I care and she never realized that’s what I was doing. Buy flowers, leave love notes, run her feet, make her dinner, do whatever it is that she perceives as showing you care.

Tell her you love her. Tell her she’s beautiful. Tell her how she positively effects your life. I always felt like if I said it once and nothing has changed then it still stands. I’d mention these things now and then but not like she needed. If it’s good and you think it, then speak it.”


22. Relationships Are A Choice

“My husband and I dated, lived together and bought a house together before we ever got engaged in the 7th year of our relationship. Marriage doesn’t have to be “the logical next step”. It should be something two people do when they feel like they are ready to make a huge life commitment to each other and want to do that. Marriage was right for us and we did it in our own time. For some people, marriage might not even be necessary. If it doesn’t feel right, don’t rush into it.”


23. Make Sure There’s More Good Than Bad

“If you fight more than you fuck, it’s time to take a real long look at yourself and each other.”

Magikarp_evolved TC mark

Cities Are Sometimes Easier To Love Than People – An Interview With Artist Lissy Elle Laricchia

Posted: 20 Dec 2016 03:51 PM PST

All photographs @ Lissy Elle Laricchia
All photographs @ Lissy Elle Laricchia

Packing is never easy.

When I look at the monumental pile of attire and objects I only gathered in one year of travel I revel at the hoarding habit we humans keep throughout a lifetime. Some of us like to preserve clothes, shoes, family albums, books, things we found on the street. Concert tickets. Fridge magnets. We have an ingénue passion for memorabilia that makes up for the dots on the map of life which we try to collect and reconnect with the passing of years. Sometimes losing these bits of who we are feels like a natural disaster. We rejoice in counting collectibles because we attach them to moments, milestones, important proof of time passing. I have a deep fear of missing out, thus I like to collect plane tickets. I like to move, and moving has taught me that, aside from my family, my never fading wanderlust and the feel of salt water on my skin, there is nothing else as precious as this freedom, which I'll always want to put in my suitcase.

Last year I switched 9 homes, packed my bags 22 times, lost several valuable possessions in random places in the world, including a bag filled with Polaroids, lipstick, cell phones, and my mind. I wrote ninety five poems and slept under the sky. I had flatmates, roommates, failed miserably to learn how to ride bikes, cars, tides or to avoid sunburn. Fell in love twice, stopped dying my hair after 11 years, and remembered I like the colour pink and bling.

My life has always fit into 3 boxes. Thus talking to Lissy Elle Laricchia, a New York based photographer who has turned her constant travels and complicated relationship with places and people into an art project couldn't have rang more close to home.
Lissy lived in a small town in Canada, between a cornfield and a tall forest, and frequently played pretend in between them. She moved to big and scary New York City at the age of 18 where she may not have a cornfield or a forest, but she still makes due in her imaginings.

Lissy's interest in photography started when she was just thirteen years old, and a friend of hers decided to tell her about this – then impossible sounding – project called "365", where she was expected to take a photo to represent every day of that year. So she took her first whirl at it, and although she failed spectacularly after about five months, from that failure bloomed a love that would take up most of her time for years to come.

The project HOME is her way to document her life in transit and will continue throughout years depicting the places she calls home in her lifetime.

Third Apartment, Bushwick, New York City, Age 18
Third Apartment, Bushwick, New York City, Age 18

My small commentaries on Home throughout the years:

Fourth Apartment, Bushwick, New York City, Age 19
Fourth Apartment, Bushwick, New York City, Age 19

2013, Age 19: I've been thinking about moving the last couple weeks. Or maybe even longer. It's been in the back of my mind since I began to recognize people on the street. I've been in this apartment for 9 months. That is the longest I've ever stayed in one place since leaving my childhood home. I'm not used to things being familiar and sometimes I feel uneasy. I've been leaving the city a lot the last couple months; going upstate with friends, taking NJ transit to Little Silver to shoot a music video, hopping on 20 hour trains to Chicago to see my love, edging ever slowly away from New York. My Home is so many different places now and with so many different people. People keep hiring me to leave. To shoot in Toronto or DC or wherever, and I used to get anxiety. Homesickness. Now I only sleep well on moving trains or with my face pressed up against a bus window on my way to see another fragment of my family. I don't need a big change, I want to move down my street. A subway stop or two away. Somewhere I don't recognize every face in my local bodega, somewhere I can continue to expand my knowledge of this city and myself and what I want and where is home and who are my friends and where am I going.

First Apartment with Significant Other, Eugene, Oregon, Age 19
First Apartment with Significant Other, Eugene, Oregon, Age 19

2014, Age 20: I'm going to Oregon again in 5 days. I calculated today and I've spent 4 months of the last 6 months of this year on the road traveling to little bits of my family or shooting and stressing for clients or up in Oregon with my love. What's the point of a home anymore? Why was sleeping in the living room of a foreign apartment for two months home and why was 4 hours of buses and trains upstate to see my mother speak at a conference home? Why did I cry when I left her and my brother that week more than I ever did leaving New York? When did I start calling New York my home instead of Canada my home? Why is it when I get off at Brooklyn Museum on the 3 train or Morgan or 8th Ave on the L I can feel my feet pull me to my old homes and haunts and I can picture walking down that street a million times and I can be 17 or 18 or 19 or 20 but it always feels the same? I've realized home is becoming muscle memory to me, and I've been having spasms lately.

2016, Age 22: Home really feels like home these days. Sometimes I wake up to children playing loudly in the streets or car alarms going off or the construction crew diligently tearing down the house across the street and I yearn to be in a small orange tent surrounded by forest, or on a train heading south, but mostly every step I take I feel roots sinking in but I keep tearing them free just to keep things interesting. I wake early these days, and often I lug my equipment to different parks in Queens and spin around in the woods in a blue dress and remember what it was like to be 17 and stringing up paper stars in my basement. Some day soon my childhood home won't exist anymore. I don't know if I've ever been more unsure about what Home is, or more certain of it. I've noticed as I look back on my previous commentaries for this series how frequently I mention travel as a means to understand Home. I'm not sure of the significance of this yet, but I am trying. I don't know how to ask the four walls that I've called home over the last few years to give me the same monumental joy of waking up in a new city alone and curious, and I don't think it's fair to. But I know home is wherever he is, wherever our pink and blue towels hang next to each other and I trip over his slippers going to the bathroom in the middle of the night. All I know is I've never felt as comfortable and as free in my Home as I do in This Home, so that's got to count for something.

What is it that you miss the most?:

When I look back at these photos, all I really miss are the unknowns. As I get older and see and experience more things, the gaps start filling in. This is where you live, this is where you work, this is what you do, and this is who you *are*. Two nouns, a verb, and that's your identity. I feeI like I have always rebelled strongly against this idea. Akin to why I'm drawn to travel, I'm fueled by having no earthly idea what's happening, or going to happen. I'm fueled by a loss (or maybe rather a reinvention) of identity, and I'm always slightly unsettled by the thought that each human only gets one small 'about me' on the back of their dust covers. These photos help me remember how many different selves I've had to be to become who I am, even if to the world the only noticeable differences are my location and the length of my bangs.

First Apartment, Chelsea, New York City, Age 18
First Apartment, Chelsea, New York City, Age 18

A short list of the most important things you carried from home to home throughout the years – that you’d never abandon

1. My stuffed bear Donkey
2. A very large painting of a ship my best friend from home bought me before I moved away
3. Every crown I've ever owned (6?)
4. A painting a then-stranger made of me for my 16th birthday where I'm hugging Donkey in a forest surrounded by paper stars.

Moving around a lot means sometimes leaving various possessions in different corners of the world – what did you leave behind and where?

Things are always disappearing on me. I haven't seen my favorite dress in 3 years. Sometimes I visit old friends and they hand me my warmest pair of socks, and it's like a magical gift from my past self to my present, chilly-footed self.

Does it ever get easy?:

No, but I don't think I'd like it to be. What would I make art about? TC mark

16 Men On The Little Things Their Girlfriend Does That Actually Really Annoys Them

Posted: 20 Dec 2016 03:00 PM PST


1. “When she asks if those pants make her butt look big. I like it when her butt looks big so how am I supposed to answer that question correctly?” —Matt, 26


2. “Hair! Her hair is everywhere. On my carpet, in my shower drain, in my effing dishwasher. Her hair is beautiful, but she sheds worse than my black lab.” —Anthony, 28


3. “Sometimes she likes to talk about little arguments we had with her friends… while I’m sitting right next to her. It’s like she’s talking about me when I’m not there, but I’m still in the room. It’s just weird.” —Theo, 27


4. “Sometimes she just wants to talk when all I want to do is be quiet, and I’m more than willing to listen, but sometimes when I want to be quiet it means I don’t really want to listen either, I just want to kinda be, like in peace and quiet.” —James, 27


5. “When she tells me to stop playing video games. I get it, she wants my undivided attention, but I don’t beg for attention while she’s in a ‘SUPER IMPORTANT’ text convo with her best friend.” —Ken, 26


6. “Can’t stand it when she gets me all horned up before we go to bed, and then she just turns over and goes to sleep. Teasing is hot, but that kind of teasing is just evil.” —Peter, 27


7. “That she tries on 15 different shirts before we go out and then 2 hours later she’s wearing the one she put on first. The other 14 weren’t even necessary to try on, just put the first one on and stick with it.” —Marcus, 25


8. “I hate it when she asks if a zit is really noticeable. Every time I’m going to say no, and every time she doesn’t believe me.” —Greg, 24


9. “The way she justifies spending her money reaaaallly annoys me. If we’re agreeing to split the bill that night we go to a shitty restaurant, but then literally the next day she will buy a pair of shoes that are the equivalent of her paycheck. WTF.” —Mario, 28


10. “Her subtle hints that I’m supposed to understand are actually very important. I can’t read her mind if she’s trying to communicate she’s upset, she’s gotta just tell me.” —Justin, 26


11. “When she looks at her reflection a little too much. You look the same now as you did 5 minutes ago. Yes you’re still beautiful, no need to check.” —Will, 25


12. “Really don’t like it when she advises against me eating or drinking something. I do not need to know, nor do I care how much trans fat is in this double bacon cheeseburger, especially while I’m eating it.” —Vinny, 27


13. “She says she doesn’t want anything for Christmas and then I have absolutely no idea what the hell to get her, and she’ll most likely end up disappointed with my decision anyway.” —Brendan, 26


14. “When she says she doesn’t care what we eat that night and then literally every option I suggest she sighs and acts like it’s not really something she wants.” —Carl, 25


15. “When she’s mad at me she will just get really really quiet. Sometimes I’m not sure if she’s mad at me, or she just wants some quiet time.” —Alex, 26


16. “I don’t really find many things annoying about my girlfriend. If anything I’m annoyed at how much she loves me, makes me feel like I don’t deserve it.” —Nick, 27 TC mark

I’m An Extroverted Introvert And Here Are 10 Things You Need To Understand If You Want The Privilege Of Being In My Life

Posted: 20 Dec 2016 02:00 PM PST

Allef Vinicius
Allef Vinicius

It’s not easy being an extroverted introvert.

Everyone else seems to fit so neatly into one category or the other: There are the extroverts, who are always drinking and partying and who never need alone time. And then there are the introverts, who literally don’t ever have to have social interaction. But what about extroverted introverts? We are the rare people who need a mix of both social and alone time. And we are definitely the most misunderstood type.

People always think that extroverted introverts want to be their friends, because we’re so outgoing. But in reality we are introverts, which means that being in our lives is a privilege. You just don’t deserve to be in it if you’re not going to put the time into deeply understanding us. So if you want to be a part of my life, as an extroverted introvert, here are ten things you’re just going to have to accept first.

1. Everyone keeps trying to put me in one box or another and it’s really hard for me.

Nobody understands what it means to be an extroverted introvert – probably because they read the “official” “scientific” definitions of introversion and extroversion, instead of the definitions of extroverted introverts, which you can find on Buzzfeed and Thought Catalog. We’re really misunderstood because people just assume we’re extroverts since we’re always the life of the party. But we’re not extroverts at ALL. I usually need to go home from parties around 2am to recharge – that’s an introvert thing.

2. Even though everyone else loves it, I HATE small talk.

Every time I ask an extrovert if they like small talk they say “YES, I LOVE it, I wish I could make small talk all day.” But extroverted introverts hate small talk. If you try to make it with us, we will just ignore you because you are toxic for us. We need to protect our energy for DEEP conversations.

3. Sometimes I spend time by myself, sometimes I spend time around others.

Extroverts never spend time alone because they actually don’t need any alone time. And introverts, if they didn’t have jobs, would spend all of their time alone and never see another human again and they’d have ultimate energy that way. But an extroverted introvert is different in that we actually need both of those things! We need to be around people sometimes, and alone other times. It’s not 100% one or the other like it is for everyone else.

4. Everything has to have meaning to me.

I think it must be so easy to not be an extroverted introvert because you could just go about your life not decoding the secret meaning behind everything, like what Taylor Swift lyrics really mean. But I just can’t help it. I’m really deep as a person so I need a lot of alone time to think about things like whether my boyfriend is my forever person or not. It frustrates me that nobody else really gets it, but I’ve just gotten used to the fact that I’m just a deeper person than everyone else.

5. It’s unreasonable for you to expect that I’ll show up to social engagements if I don’t have the energy to go to them.

Since I am extroverted on some days and introverted on other days, I can’t really make plans ahead of time. It’s totally unreasonable to expect an extroverted introvert to pick up the phone or go to a party on a day when they are feeling drained. If you want the privilege of being in my life, you’re just going to have to understand that my mental health is what’s most important, and that means I can bail on commitments last minute if that is what I need to recharge.

6. When I’m around loud people I feel awkward and shy but around quiet people I am loud!

Extroverts are loud no matter WHO they are around – they just shout over each other if there is more than one of them, and introverts never say anything – if you put a bunch of them in a room together, they just sit in silence. But an extroverted introvert actually adapts to different social situations! We are the only type that does that.

7. I’m more complicated than you are (unless you’re also an extroverted introvert).

Look, it’s really easy to be either an extrovert or an introvert. If you’re an extrovert you never spend time alone and you basically don’t have thoughts so you never have to worry about getting consumed by them (like introverts do). But as an extroverted introvert, I have to balance being social AND having thoughts, which is honestly something that none of the literature on extroversion or introversion prepares you for. It’s really complicated for us to work out when we should talk to people and when we should go home and think, so you need to be understanding of us, because we are just more complicated than you are.

8. I can’t just be friends with everyone (even though everyone wants to be friends with me).

Everyone always wants to be friends with extroverted introverts because we’re so self-aware (seriously, I’m like the most self-aware person I’ve ever met) and also socially aware. But unlike extroverts, who maintain close friendships with literally every person they have ever met, we actually only stay in touch with SOME of the people we meet. That’s what is known as ‘selectively social,’ a term you might not be familiar with because you haven’t read as many listicles as I have (it’s because I need time to recharge through reading, don’t feel bad, I’m just an intellectual).

9. Sometimes I feel lonely.

Introverts never get lonely because they don’t need human connection, it’s science. But extroverted introverts actually do need human connection, even though we also need alone time. It’s really complicated, so the best thing to do is just let us choose when to hang out and when not to. Because if you are an extrovert you literally always want to hang out so we don’t have to worry about your schedule.

10. I can get along with both introverts AND extroverts.

Extroverts and introverts can’t understand each other – because introverts spend a lot of time thinking about things like philosophy and tea, but extroverts only think about things like parties and dating. So they have nothing to talk to each other about. But if you’re an extroverted introvert you can talk to both extroverts AND introverts because you drink tea but you also go to parties sometimes. It’s a really unique skill that no other personality type has. But if you want to be in my life, you’re just going to have to accept that I have a very specific set of skills that pure introverts or pure extroverts just don’t have! TC mark

Check out The Comprehensive INFP Survival Guide by Heidi Priebe here.


Here’s What Makes You A Great Girlfriend, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Posted: 20 Dec 2016 01:00 PM PST



Very emotional, hot headed people. They tend to get jealous easy, and need someone to keep up with them. She is forceful, but not in a bad way, she's just very passionate, and can be too "spicy" for some people. She likes when her lover gives most if not all the attention, and when you are loyal to her.


Patience, patience, and more patience. Also very stubborn. She does not like to be told what to do. They are seductive, they love to be. They get what they want when they want. Can be lazy if told to do something. Very down to earth, and are usually very supportive.


Usually very demanding but casual. She's got two sides. Loves to talk usually, express her opinion. When upset can be a danger with her words. Loves to be nurtured but also needs her independence. She doesn't want to hurt anyone, but tends to keep lovers on a string. Needs emotional, and mental connection. Needs intellectual convos. Jealousy can occasionally be an issue,


Very emotional, and have a great passion to them. They need time to form a relationship. They love to cook, and take care of their lovers. They can usually tell when someone leads them on. Trust is a huge thing for her. Once she trusts you, you can have her loyalty. They tend to be very intuitive. She also has a warming feel to her.


Tend to be very emotional, love to be adored and taken care of, but they give a lot too. Can be stubborn, and lazy at times. They get turned off if someone isn't loyal. Can be egotistical, but fun to be with. Life of the party usually, Can be tough sometimes, but also very passionate.


Seem cold, and unattached. In reality they do have emotions. They just don't know how to process their emotions, because they are very sensible and practical. Virgo women are fixers and like to fix. They don't do it to nag you, they genuinely believe they are helping. They tend to be hard to open up overall, but once they do they are great people. Can be stubborn, and done like being told what to do.


Very charming, and enchanting. Very very seductive, and likes class and elegance. They exclude romance, and love love. Sometimes it can be TOO much! They like compliments, and gifts. They seem to always be in love all the time. Loves the sappy love notes, and sweet romantic things. Romance is all around her. They are indecisive though.


Critical, very critical. They don't mean to be, they just like things a certain way. They are emotional, and can be a tad demanding. Ultimate seduction and flirtation overall. They don't give in very easily though. Usually likes sex but needs to take control. Possessive and mysterious. Worries about trust a little.


Always on the go. Loves creative aspects. She gets bored very easily and can be rude at times. Tends to be extremely blunt, and that can be a huge issue for her. Its very hard for her to keep secrets. Loves freedom, and if you make her bored she won't try to fix anything. Needs to be kept on her toes constantly.


They love romance, but needs to be romanced by the right guy. They take awhile to open up, and they are very classy. Needs patience and loves confidence. Needs to be wooed and courted. Major trust issues though.


Very smart, loves to read and study science. Usually very independent, funny, and smart. Not the clingy or jealous type. Isn't the touchy touchy type. Loves excitement, and unpredictability. To be with the aqua woman you need to be a great communicator. Doesn't enjoy being tied down.


Very emotional creatures. Tends to be upset when others are upset. Sensitive and hurt easily. They are usually very feminine, and can see right through lies. Loves to nurture overall, and sometimes can seem clingy. Loves romance and emotion. Needs someone to be straight with her. TC mark

And here’s How You’ll Do Everything Based On Your Zodiac Sign.


18 Little Things To Start Doing Now If You Want To Be Ahead Of Everyone Else In 10 Years

Posted: 20 Dec 2016 12:00 PM PST

 Photo by sarazou

Photo by

1. Be friends with different types of people. Don’t insulate your worldview by only socializing with those who are fundamentally the same as you.

2. Read. Do you know how few people are reading anything other than a few lines of an article here and there? Few. Do you know why it matters? Because a book you read in a few days this week can change the way you think about something for decades to come.

3. Question yourself, and honor your doubt. People who aren’t secure enough to do this stagnate.

4. Be willing to live the way other people won’t, so you can live the way other people can’t.

5. Learn how to cook things you enjoy more than you enjoy ordering out.

6. Learn how to budget your money in a way that makes you feel responsible and liberated, not restricted.

7. Put away a bit of money each month, however much you can afford (and don’t worry if there are setbacks along the way). Compounded interest is no joke.

8. Take on a side gig exclusively for the sake of that savings account. It will be exhausting for a while, but you’ll come out with new skills and the peace of mind that comes from having a fiscal cushion.

9. Get addicted to healthy pain. The kind that comes from clocking in hours of practice or maneuvering through the discomfort of training your mind to focus on one task until it’s complete. The more you channel your pain into something productive, the less you’ll be tempted to ruminate.

10. Get comfortable admitting when you’re wrong. There is no failure in making mistakes. There is failure in making mistakes and having too much pride to fix them.

11. Clean out your space, then work on adopting an attitude of “enough.” Do you really want to spend the next 10 years accumulating things? No, you don’t. Imagine what else all of that money and time and worry could have gone toward.

12. Only put things on your credit card that you will be able to remember in 3 months from now. If you look at how much is due and can’t remember what you spent it on, it was nothing worthwhile.

13. Do your soul-searching. Make lists of what you like and what you dislike; what you value and what you don’t; what you’re skilled at and what you’re not. Start cohering an idea of who you fundamentally are, but allow yourself to be open to that idea changing over time.

14. Reflect on your life, and ask yourself what your single most compelling motive is. Construct your narrative about it carefully – the way you justify your past actions will become your philosophy for future ones.

15. If you commit to nothing else, commit to a daily routine that consists of actions that, over time, will lead you to where you want to be.

16. Do things intentionally. Date intentionally. Work intentionally. Don’t let your life be a series of mindless, random actions that just seemed nice at the time, but are ultimately meaningless.

17. Take yourself as seriously as you want the world to. Behave accordingly.

18. Scrap it all and start over as many times as you need to. There’s no shame in not getting it right, there is, however, a lot of self-loathing that comes from knowing better, but not having the courage to do better. TC mark

Want more writing like this? Check out Brianna Wiest’s new book here.