Thought Catalog


I’ve Always Been Boy-Crazy

Posted: 22 Dec 2016 09:00 PM PST

Thought.is
Thought.is

i made a list of the boys i kissed this year
as well as the ones i missed
the cross-over wasn’t enough for my liking,
only two i thought of frequently – the one in Los Angeles
and the other one,
also LA,
freckles everywhere

you know,
this is the shit everyone (my mother)
says i should go back to therapy for,
which is to say
i do not count my accomplishments
or friendships
or hearts i have held in between my index fingers

just boys
it’s always boys and i wonder
if this has been my way
forever

in kindergarten, i had a boyfriend
named john
my dear, sweet john,
he kissed my cheek one day in front of everyone
and i blushed and felt victorious
because i had asked his friend
to tell him to

in 4th grade, i arranged a wedding for my two rabbits
as an excuse to invite my crush, robbie,
to my house

my mother even made a cake.

in 8th grade, i was obsessed with davis.
i filled my diary with his every detail:
eye color, lingering of a lisp,
his favorite show, The O.C.
just like me

my life is a series of revolving doors – i mean, men
and how badly i want something to stick

how badly i want a Person to be the fix
and i know, people are not fixes
just temporary solutions

and then came 2016
when i become apparitional instead of
lovesick

2016, i am not boy-crazy
i am boy,
crazy,
trying to find my libido at the bottom of the ocean
or wherever that shit went
hiding

i used to wish for a detachable heart,
to be unfeeling,
fucking and moving on

and here i am,
fucking and moving on.

and here i am,
wondering where everything went wrong TC mark

Ari Eastman is a poet and the author of the book Bloodline.

cover-perspective1

Bloodline is available as a physical and electronic book. You can buy it here

How To Survive The Holidays Based On Which ‘Clue’ Character You Become When Drunk

Posted: 22 Dec 2016 08:50 PM PST

Wikimedia
Wikimedia

Wadsworth

Source: via Tumblr

Whether he's crying over his dead wife and her Socialist connections or running down the hallway like a mad man, Wadsworth is an absolute revelation throughout the entire movie, just as you are at every social gathering you attend, for better or for worse. You’re that little shit who asks your uncle who he voted for at dinner, knowing it won’t end well. Don’t. Instead use your powers for good, and slyly redirect the conversation everytime a relative asks if one of your siblings or cousins are seeing anyone. It’s good karma.

Professor Plum

Source: via Giphy

Professor Plum's main personality trait is that he's a horny bastard, no different than you after your fourth whiskey and coke. Since you’re on alcohol/perv restriction, you have to do something to overindulge. Hit the food, hit it hard. Hopefully you have friends with enough taste and class to order up a bunch of good appetizers or a buffet or something. Eat like a Biggest Loser contestant the day before filming starts. Load up a plate and go back for seconds. Don't doubt your choices, you earned this. Plus, you’re going to start working it off in January anyway.

Colonel Mustard

Source: via Tumblr

Colonel Mustard seems to have no idea he's a dumbass. He fanatically guards his intellectual reputation and grins from ear-to-ear anytime he figures something out on his own, no matter how obvious the clues may be. He's also a terrible liar, and has a penchant for strong drinks and hookers. All of these inadequacies make him an extremely amusing character to watch, especially since he seems to be kind-hearted in spite of his shortcomings, but none of this will serve you at the office New Years party. Take this opportunity to instead seem like a normal human being. Ask people where their kids are going to school and how their parents are doing after that operation. You don’t even really have to listen, just let people ramble on and on about themselves for a bit. They’ll think you’re cool. They’ll think you’re a friend. Then when it comes time to fire someone, they’ll axe some jerk who never asked about their kids. That’s how you stay employed, by being shrewder and more congenial than the rest.

Mrs. White

Source: via Tumblr

She rocks the hell out of a black veil, and isn’t afraid to get her hands dirty, but also slurps her soup and it’s a 50/50 toss-up on whether or not she cut off her husband's penis after murdering him. In any case, she is exactly who you want by your side when shit hits the fan, because she's a true ride-or-die bitch. The only thing you have to worry about is making sure your little brother keeps up with the lie you told your parents together. Maybe it's just what you got them for Christmas, maybe it's how much you really drank when you two went out last night, or maybe it's about what really happened to mom's favorite vase that was found shattered on the floor at Thanksgiving. He's the weak link, so best keep your eye on him. Pro-Tip: walk around the house singing "only two can keep a secret if one of them is dead," in a hushed tone to really scare him straight.

Miss Scarlet

Source: via Gawker Media

You're idea of getting into the Christmas spirit involves creating a marketing campaign for your company, centered around the Holidays. Your "company" may or may not be a high-end escort service, located in the DC area, with heads of state on your client list. You know that the perfect, magical holiday sold to us in commercials are nothing but a peppermint filled fantasy. This is real life, and yes, that is grandma on the back porch taking a hit of her doctor prescribed medicinal marijuana. Skip the required viewing of It’s a Wonderful (er—more like "White") Life, grab an your coat and join grandma on the porch. You still would rather it be Thanksgiving, because it's a holiday about the entire family giving Oscar speeches.

Mrs. Peacock

Source: via Tumblr

Mrs. Peacock is basically the batty second cousin (or aunt? No one knows) who found out about your Christmas Eve dinner on accident, shows up without an invitation, and assumes she’s the life of the party upon her first sip/pitcher of eggnog. She’s not wrong. She also can’t hear you. She has everything to say and she’s exhausted and she’s upset and she needs Wifi explained to her and she loves you and she forgot your name. Honey, what? Speak up. Did you know I was once a senator’s wife? Louder, dear. What? Oh, shut up. You know your way around a dinner party or two and can talk anyone’s ear off. Just remember that people love you for you, and that you don’t have to resort to bribes from Senator Peacock, just in a hypothetical example.

Mr. Green

Source: via Tumblr

You are the first ever homosexual, or you might as well be. Such a sweet, sweet person. You’re completely harmless… or so they think. What everyone else doesn’t understand is that you’re the real star and everyone else is your supporting cast. Without you, everything would fall apart. You will inevitably ask someone if they remember Ali Lohan’s Christmas single “Lohan Holiday”? They won't, no one will. People will try to gaslight you, saying it never existed, but you're gay and you never forget the history of your people.

Yvette

Source: via Giphy

Brb watching Mariah's bizarre Hallmark Christmas special on Netflix.

Mr. Boddy

Source: via Playbuzz

You never stood a chance. After sliding into one too many DMs, your side pieces all found out about each other and have been planning the perfect murder since Halloween. RIP Mr. Dad Boddy.

The Cop

Source: via Tumblr

You're easily duped, and only mildly aware of your surroundings, which will be your downfall when you attend the holiday party of your significant other's family for the first time. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT take this lightly. These gatherings are built on traditions passed down through generation after generation, and family politics that take the length of entire marriages to fully comprehend. Seriously, these things are more complicated than the Warsaw Pact. Since this is your first time attending this particular family's gathering, you'll be told to bring the ice. They do this because this is some entry-level shit that no one can screw up. Bring lots of ice and that's it. Nothing extra.

The Singing Telegram Girl

Source: via Giphy

She sings, she dances, and doesn't overstay her welcome; sadly, she cannot survive gunshots, and is willing to sleep with Professor Plum. Beyond that, there seems to be a lot of interesting things going on with her, in terms of sleeping with Plum and then trying to ruin his life, twice. You always get a head-start, and manage to snag yourself a cute, vintage holiday sweater before the best things get picked over. Don't drive yourself crazy trying to narrow down the perfect gift for everyone, that is equal parts meaningful and practical, because honestly, it doesn't make up for all the themed activities you jam packed everyone's schedules with. And also, because it's just the thought that counts, blah blah blah.

The Motorist

Source: via theAlmightyGuru

You're pretty much the Dawn Summers of whatever party you're at—inviting you was an afterthought, and no one remembers how long ago you got there. After having to get up at 5:30am to catch that flight back home, you realize you've accidently checked your laptop along with the rest of your luggage. Now it's time for a game of Choose Your Own Adventure. You have the option of: (a) stopping by Brookstone to pick up an overpriced power-pack for your phone, which will be your only companion for the following 3 hours; (b) getting boozed up! Know what Airports have? Duty Free shops that serve up really nice liquors to you tax free. If you have nothing better to do, just get drunk and crack open your complimentary copy of Sky Mall—the premier collection of the world’s most unnecessary products—and convince yourself how badly you need a Hands Free Hair Rejuvenator, or an iPhone Bracelet Case; or (c) head to a Hudson News shop (there's always one), and ask for whatever over the counter sleep aid they have. The last one is kind of a cop out, but it's guaranteed to make your flight fly by.

The Cook

Source: via Tumblr

You're all about the long-con, and have been subtly dropping hints to your loved ones about what you need in the way of household or personal items since August. Things will not go your way and you're better off skipping everything and staying in with take-out and a good movie. Make it a scary one because it's so cold outside there's no way any murderer would deal with that to try and kill you. Plus, snow leaves footprints, so you have nothing to fear.

The Evangelist

Source: via Aveleyman

You wish you were at home trolling Internet forums pretending to be deeply offended about various holiday-related issues that you actually couldn't care less about. Instead, you're on your way to your friend's Ugly (but actually super cute) Christmas Sweater Party. Get there around, oh, cool o’clock or so. Don’t show up early or on time. Wait until you’re pretty sure everyone is concerned that maybe you aren’t coming at all, then you make your grand appearance! TC mark

12 Women Describe How It Feels To Wear A Strap-On And Fuck Their Man

Posted: 22 Dec 2016 07:01 PM PST

Thought.is
Thought.is

1. Make me sympathize with men

Couldn’t find the hole. Humbling. The man’s job seems difficult.

— little_green_lamb

2. It made me feel so powerful!

I’ve used one! I actually really liked it!! It was one with a hip harness, but the cock part of it was designed only for the receiver’s pleasure. The base kinda bumped up against my lady parts, which led to it smashing into my public mound as the night went on, but that was the most uncomfortable part. A different design would eliminate that, but it wasn’t terrible.

The mental feeling was much better. It was incredibly entertaining to waggle it, and see it on me. Using it was amazing, too. It definitely gave me a sense of power to fuck both this chick and her husband with it. 10/10 would do again!

P.S. hats off to all you guys who grind away in missionary for hours. It’s definitely a more intense workout than cowgirl!

— MasochisticTiger

3. It didn’t feel natural

I have used one, but found it to be mostly more trouble than it was worth. The harness was finicky to get into, and the motion of thrusting was not natural to me so I wasn’t particularly graceful.

Now I just prefer to fuck my partner with a dildo by hand. A big part of why I want to do this in the first place is the dominance/control aspect, and I have a lot more control if I’m holding the toy than if it’s strapped to my crotch. Plus this way I don’t have to be a contortionist to blow him at the same time.

— Cat_Toucher

4. Not good at using a penis

Awkward and uncomfortable. Also having never had a penis I was really clumsy with it and wasn’t gentle enough on the person. I think good pegging may take practice. It felt really weird having a penis and being the guy and not something I’m keen to repeat.

— mistyrain001

5. It didn’t fit up his ass

Yeah we tried but we got a really thick one and it was his first time having anything other than a finger shoved up his ass, it didn’t work out but I got so much fun out of it, just wafting it about and poking him.

— Fionaxoxo

6. It has brought us closer together

Yes, I use one often with my boyfriend and it feels great! Besides all the obvious sexy aspects of power dynamics and prostate stimulation, I find that it creates a real sense of trust and intimacy.

— Les_anonymous

7. I love hearing the pleasure from him

It uses a lot of muscles I don’t use much for anything else, and really makes my lower back hurt. And the lack of physical feedback makes it hard to know if I slip out.

But despite that, and the obvious fact that it brings me no physical pleasure, I absolutely love being able to bring this different kind of pleasure to my partner. He makes different noises than with other kinds of sex, and its a wholly different experience for him.

— rannapup

8. New sexy times

Yes. Overall, good. They can be awkward and somewhat uncomfortable depending on the straps/style etc… but in the end, I found it worth it for the new view and sexy times made :-)

— GailTheeSnail

9. “A dick is hard to control”

It was a little awkward (a dick is hard to control and rhythm was a bit difficult for me). But, I really enjoyed it. Not in a sexual way, but in a controlling and dominant way. It was awesome not having to be the one being penetrated. Made me feel powerful in a way.

— Pestilentpinkpeach

10. “It’s a workout”

tbh I thought it was a little strange, probably because we bought a cheap one and it didn’t stay suuuper tight to my body. Thrusting hips is hard enough when the phallus stays going the way you want it to, but when it’s wiggling and you can’t ‘feel’ it to control it…. that’s a work-out.

— signifi_cunt

11. Being the guy!

Yes. It had a vibrating part on my side on one and it was amazing. I loved being able to do what the “guy” did

— kristen_hewa

12. My girl wanted to fuck EVERYTHING

I bought a strap-on for a girl I know and the first time she put it on she told her girlfriend that she just wanted to fuck everything and got her to pass a poster tube so she could fuck it. Kinda explains the male experience, I think.

— stumpychubbins TC mark

17 Things To Stop Doing If You Want A Better Sex Life In 2017

Posted: 22 Dec 2016 07:00 PM PST

Twenty20, bubblegumwhore
Twenty20, bubblegumwhore

1Stop putting so much pressure on yourself. You don’t have to wear lingerie all the time. You don’t have to shave every inch of your skin. It’s entirely possible to be sexy without trying so damn hard. Your natural body is beautiful.

3. Stop judging yourself. It’s okay if you get all tingly when you think of getting tied up and tortured. It’s okay if you consider yourself heterosexual and have fun fantasizing about the same sex. Daydream about whatever makes you horny. Stop putting restrictions on your imagination.

3. Stop expecting more from casual sex. If you go into his bedroom, knowing that it’s a one-time thing, then don’t analyze every little move he makes. Enjoy every touch and kiss and caress without trying to figure out what it all means. Live in the damn moment.

4. Stop using your hands. When you’re flying solo, you don’t have to use your hands. Get a vibrator. Get a dildo. Get a detachable shower head. Find some sort of toy to make masturbation more exciting.

5. Stop rushing into sex. You don’t have to undress the second your lips touch. Take off one item of clothing, make him wait, and then take off the next piece. Take things slowly, so the sexual tension has time to build.

6. Stop faking your orgasms. Don’t fake it to make him feel better about himself. Don’t fake it to get the sex over with. If you act like you’re enjoying something that just isn’t working for you, then he’s never going to change his technique. Stay honest. Stay sincere.

7. Stop being so critical of yourself. Your body is beautiful. Your face is beautiful. Your freckles and moles? Yeah, those are beautiful, too. The right guy will agree.

8. Stop focusing on the end result. If you only focus on orgasming, you’re never going to orgasm. You have to focus on what’s happening right that second. How his tongue tastes. How his skin smells. How his dick feels inside of you. If you pay close attention to those sensations, then the orgasm will follow.

9. Stop trying to one-up yourself. I know you want to drive him crazy, but he’s not always going to have a mind-bending orgasm. If he doesn’t cum as hard tomorrow as he did yesterday, don’t freak out. It’s natural.

10. Stop stressing yourself out. It’s okay if it takes you a while to orgasm. Men realize that it doesn’t happen as easily for us as it does for them. Be patient. He’s not rushing you, so don’t rush yourself. Keep calm.

11. Stop letting him have all the fun. Don’t go down on him, make him orgasm, and then exchange goodbyes. Go down on him, tell him how horny sucking him off made you, and ask him to return the favor. You deserve a little relaxation, too.

12. Stop waiting for him to initiate. Push him up against a wall. Kiss his neck. Grab his junk. When you’re horny, make the first move.

13. Stop being too ashamed to talk about it. When you see your friends, feel free to tell them what feisty things you got up to the night before. Sex shouldn’t be a taboo subject. Everybody does it.

14. Stop slut-shaming. Don’t judge other women for what they’re wearing. Don’t judge your friends for their number. If you keep an open mind, you’ll start to feel more comfortable with your own sexuality.

15. Stop letting him take control. Sometimes, it’s fun to be submissive. But sometimes, it’s even more fun to blindfold him, tie his hands together, and ride him until he’s screaming your name.

16. Stop being shy. If you’re naked in front of this person, you should be able to talk to this person. Dirty talk, that is. It’ll make your sex hotter than ever.

17. Stop having sex when you don’t want it. You don’t have to go down on him daily. You don’t have to agree to sex, even if you’re not in the mood. If he loves you, he’ll be happy to spend time with you, even if sex isn’t involved. TC mark

What It’s Like To Fuck A Guy You Know Will Never Love You

Posted: 22 Dec 2016 06:00 PM PST

@jessicastein
@jessicastein

We met in a frozen yogurt shop. He was drunk. I was smitten. The beginning to a terribly predictable movie, one would think.

And I did. I spent years romanticizing it: how right away, I wanted him. And how by total chance, we met again 6 months later. Pure accident. Clearly, it was serendipity. Clearly, we were meant to be.

Turns out, no. Serendipity is just a mediocre movie with John Cusack. Whatever happened to me was not penned by a frustrated screenwriter. It just…happened.

When you fall for someone so painfully out of reach, you’ll convince yourself returned love will eventually come.

Something will come. Or someone will cum. It’s all relative. Right? He kisses you with an open mouth and texts you about your smile, and you relax into the fictional romcom you’ve crafted. It’s going to happen. You can feel it.

And your gut has never been wrong. All this time, it’s never been wrong.

Until it is. Because it is.

He’ll say something about your laugh and that you’re his best friend. You’ll sort of understand how being stabbed feels. But not really. Your melodramatic heartache can’t be compared to a real stabbing.

But fuck, it hurts.

Fuck, it stings and you spend sleepless nights trying to find something to soothe.

But it’s always him. Always him, the problem and the resolution. TC mark

The Painfully Honest Truth Behind Breaking Up With Someone You Still Love

Posted: 22 Dec 2016 05:00 PM PST

moanabae
moanabae

Not for a second will I let anyone think I'm leaving because I don't love you. Not for a second will I let anyone think that I'm choosing to close this door because it's something that I want to do.

Not for a second will I pretend this is the outcome that I wanted. Not for a second will I pretend that this is how I thought things were going to be.

It was supposed to be me and you. For as long as I looked into my future I pictured doing it with you. I pictured the perfection. I pictured us as best friends.

I pictured an amazing life that I could deal with anything thrown my way as long as I had you.

Well, guess what, it didn't work that way. I didn't get my happy ending. The fairytale didn't end with me and you.

Instead, it ended numerous times with me gasping for air as I cried in my car and sent you paragraphs wondering how you could do this to me, again.

You continued to let me down. Every single time things got good between us again you'd let me down. Every single time things started getting back to me and you that I fell in love with, you let me down.

I have put you first for as long as I can remember. I have put your wants and needs before mine for far too long.

I got so caught up in loving you and what it took to try and get the happy ending that I wanted that I forgot the most important part; how to love myself.

I lost myself in loving you. I wasn't tending to my own wants and needs. I wasn't doing what was best for me. I began doing whatever it took to hold on to the idea in my head that things would end with me and you.

But it's time that I wake up.

It's time that I wake up and realize that the person I fell in love with isn't there anymore. The person I fell in love with who made me the center of their world and bent over backward for me left a long time ago.

In the meantime, I've been fighting for someone who isn't there. I've been fighting so hard to get the old you back, that I lost the old me in the process.

I stopped loving myself. I stopped doing things for me. And it's time that changes.

It's time I learn to love myself again. It's time I get the old me back.

So, no. I'm not leaving because I don't love you. I'm leaving because it's time that I learn to love myself more. TC mark

How To Have An Awesome Weekend (And Spend No Money Doing It)

Posted: 22 Dec 2016 04:32 PM PST

Twenty20, kawamura
Twenty20, kawamura

Here's my challenge to you: this weekend, spend no money. That's right – I challenge you to spend No. Money. At. All.*

A super way to save a little cash is to have a no spending weekend (or better yet a week!).

Weekend spending can really add up, whether it's from kids' activities, dining out, going to a movie, or shopping.

Now, you may have to prep a little (make sure you have food and drink!) but, hey, it's only two days, for goodness sake. You'll survive! I have faith in you. And you may be amazed at the savings and creative things you'll find to do with your time

*Okay, so you've got plans this weekend – do it next weekend, but just do it!

(We had a pseudo no-spend weekend recently – read on to see what we did!)

Things To Do On a No-Spend Weekend

  1. De-clutter (and sell your stuff – turn it into a money-making weekend!)
  2. Attend free music/movies in the park
  3. Have a picnic
  4. Hike
  5. Go to a park
  6. Bike ride
  7. Play board/card games
  8. Host a potluck
  9. Learn a new skill (change your own oil 🙂 )
  10. Read a book
  11. Try a new recipe
  12. Play with your kids
  13. Create a piece of art for your home
  14. Sort, print and organize photos on your phone and computer
  15. Build a fire – in a fireplace or fire pit either at home or at a local park
  16. DIY something (refinish or paint some furniture)
  17. Visit a free museum
  18. Volunteer
  19. Camp in your backyard
  20. Go fishing
  21. Go to the beach
  22. Explore your library (movies/books/passes)
  23. Take pictures
  24. Make a budget
  25. Re-design a room using what you have at home (using Pinterest for inspiration!)
  26. Make lists (holiday, meal plans, back-to-school)
  27. Write your goals
  28. Garden
  29. Slow it down (just relax!)
  30. Host a clothing swap
  31. Write
  32. Draw or paint
  33. Play a video game
  34. Organize your cabinets
  35. Sit outside and take in your surroundings with a good cup of coffee/tea, or a spiked lemonade 😉

We had a pseudo no-spend weekend a couple of weeks ago. Here's what we did:

Saturday

Promotional test at our martial arts school. As black belts at the school, my husband and I help out with the test. We hold boards, work with students, spar and judge at the test. Since many of the black belts have a tradition of meeting for breakfast prior to the test, we didn't skip this. So, breakfast was the only exception to our no-spend weekend (we spent $39 on breakfast since we bought breakfast for two of our young black belts who are heading off to college).

Lunch with my parents…on them. Hey, they invited us! 🙂

Garden chores. I harvested 22 pounds of veggies, pulled the green bean plants, watered and planted cabbage seeds.

Replaced muffler on Jeep. My son bought a new muffler for his Jeep, so my husband and son worked on that.

Updated our net worth. We have a Google sheet we track our net worth on, in addition to using the free net worth tracking tool on Personal Capital. (Our no-spend weekend was the last weekend in July; we update/review net worth at the end of each month.)

Wrote July Grocery Spending Update post.

Grilled brats, cooked homegrown sweet corn and green beans.

Chopped veggies for canning salsa on Sunday.

Went for a short ride in Jeep. To hear the new, noisy muffler, of course. Boys!

Hubby built a fire and mixed cocktails. I enjoyed the fruits of his labor.

Sunday

Played Pokemon Go. We went to a park and walked around to catch Pokemon. This is one activity our teenagers agree to do with us, plus it gets us a little exercise and we meet all of the other friendly people catching Pokemon in the park.

Canned salsa. I forced requested my husband's assistance with canning the salsa and, though he's not crazy about spending the afternoon in the kitchen, he dutifully helped out.

Relaxed and ate some salsa.

Picked 15 pounds of veggies from the garden.

Cooked veggies for dinner.

Paid bills.

Watched 45 minutes of Fixer Upper on Netflix. (Netflix is new to us…again. I canceled for a while and am giving it another shot. As long as they keep some HGTV shows on there, I'm perfectly happy to pay the minimal monthly fee.)

This is not an unusual weekend at home for us, though it seems like we haven't been home on the weekends much during the summer. Being away from home generally costs money, so I do believe it was a win for the budget, even though we did spend a little. I plan to have more no-spend weekends soon (with no exceptions next time!). TC mark

Hate To Break It To You But You Are The Reason Your Life Sucks So Much

Posted: 22 Dec 2016 04:00 PM PST

istockphoto.com / Vizerskaya
istockphoto.com / Vizerskaya

If you think your life sucks, it probably does. If you think the world is out to get you, it probably is. If you think you deserve more, you probably do.

The only thing in the world holding you back from achieving greatness is in fact you.

If you think the world is out to get you it's because you have a shit attitude towards life – you're looking at everything the wrong way. You're using the negatives to fuel you instead of the positives. You're letting the negatives control your mind and in turn you're allowing them control of your life. You're letting the bad things win.

You will never amount to any form of greatness if you spend your life working some boring desk job that just drains you of your energy because you're too lazy to get out and search for something more fulfilling – that is no one's fault but your own.

You will never travel the world and see Paris if you keep making excuses for why you can't go. Just buy the plane ticket, pack a bag and go. Let the world shape you and open your eyes. Let it challenge you and frustrate the hell out of you. Struggle with language barriers and get lost. Surrender the control you posses in every day life and just go.

You will never lose weight if you don't change your eating habits. You will never improve your health if you don't eat more vegetables. You will never get smarter or broaden your horizons if you're unwilling to learn from others and read.

You will never be happy if you're constantly looking at the negatives. You will never reach happiness in your life if you're constantly surrounding yourself by people and things that drain you.

You are the reason you are unhappy, you are the reason you're stuck in a rut and your relationships are poor and you’re constantly criticizing others and looking for more. That's all on you.

There's no way to sugar coat it. You are your own worst enemy; you are the only one who is standing in the way of your goals and your success.

Life doesn't owe you or anyone else anything, so don't expect it to. Don't expect a million dollars to show up at your door, don't expect to wake up with a rocking body, don't expect to get your dream job if you don't ever put work into it.

If you want something you have to work hard for it. Not a half-assed hard either, I mean you need to work your ass off. You need to make sacrifices and push through even when things get messy and complicated. You need to keep going when everything in you is telling you to give up because that's the only way you'll ever amount to anything great.

If you think you're life sucks it probably does, it's just like the saying, "he who says he can't and he who says he can are both usually right."

Don't stand in the way of your own life, don't give up when things get hard because quitting will never get you anywhere. Instead work harder and work smarter.

Believe in yourself when no one else does so you can look back and say, "I told you so."

No one will believe you can do it until you do, so you have to want your own dreams. Others can want your dreams for you but you're the only one who can make them happen and you're the only one who can succeed or fail in reaching them.

Stop doing things that don't fulfill you, stop blaming others for your problems and stop thinking life owes you something because it doesn't. If you want your life to get better than start living like it. Start doing something positive in the right direction and don't give up until you get there, then keep going. TC mark

If Your Relationship Consumes The Hell Out Of You, It’s Time To Leave

Posted: 22 Dec 2016 03:00 PM PST

Annie Spratt
Annie Spratt

We've all been in a bad (or shitty) relationship. We've been hurt so much that we no longer think that things will go our way.

Personally, I hate involving myself into a toxic relationship, be it with a significant other or a friend, it consumes the hell out of you. It doesn't help you grow. It hurts you in ways you never imagined. But after all the hurt, after all the pain, the crying, the breakdowns, a day will come into your life when you'll feel the kind of happy you never know existed.

I know I did. Oh thank God, I did. I am in a place right now wherein nothing's perfect but it's close to being one. I wake up everyday without feeling hurt, I wake up with the feeling of being good enough. I am in a relationship where I no longer feel the need to validate myself to a person. Everything comes naturally. I am beyond happy that I get to have another shot at love, and the moment I did, God gave me a partner every woman longed for.

I realized that things might not go your own way, I know that now. And the moment that I let go of my past, I found, at the right time, the love that's meant for me. The kind of love where you accept each other's flaws, the kind in which you never have to question yourself whether you're good enough for somebody or not, the kind of love that answers each doubt.

And if you ever have the chance with you right now, never let it go. That kind of love is rare. Some may take a longer time to find that kind of love but when you do, you'll be the happiest. The right kind of love will come to you at the right moment, wait for it. And when it's there, never doubt, everything will fall into place. TC mark

Instead Of Asking Yourself Why They Left, Ask Yourself Why You Were So Desperate For Them To Stay

Posted: 22 Dec 2016 02:00 PM PST

Natalie Allen
Natalie Allen

Breakups never fail to raise questions.

Especially the breakups we did not plan.

The people we loved who walked away. The ones who disappeared when we desperately wanted them to stay.

And it's easy to question our shortcomings in those situations. To endlessly ask ourselves what we did wrong. What we could have changed about our actions. What we're left to alter within ourselves.

These questions arise simply and naturally. But when we ask ourselves what we could have done to make them stay, we are asking ourselves the wrong questions.

Because pain always has something to teach us. Often, something direly important.

Wanting pretty much anything desperately reveals a great deal about who we are. And the exquisite torture of someone's absence never fails to reveal the harshest truths about ourselves.

It shows us what we can't get by without. It shows us the ways in which we still are not enough for ourselves.

The truth about heartbreak is that it's so damn painful not because we miss the other person so badly, but because their absence reveals the harshest truths about us to ourselves.

When we're with someone who is strong in all the areas we're weak, we relax into that balance. We let them pick up some slack for the people we are not – whether we notice ourselves doing it or not.

We let their tenderness balance out the ways in which we're hard on ourselves. We let their optimism leverage our cynicism; allow their spontaneity to challenge our rigidity.

When we're with someone who provides a crucial trait that we ourselves are lacking, having them leave feels unbearable. Because without them, we're forced to confront all of the ways in which we do not feel like enough on our own.

But their absence also provides us with an incredible opportunity – the opportunity to grow into the space that they have carved out inside of us.

Because whatever we miss most about a person who has left us is almost always the thing that we need to cultivate inside of ourselves.

The kindness they showed us is the kindness we must learn to show ourselves. The strength that they harnessed is the strength we need to build up on our own. The compassion they share with us is the compassion we must learn to practice, and the emptiness they leave behind is the void that we have to learn to fill without them.

Contrary to popular belief, the cure for heartbreak isn't replacement. It is growth.

It's the ability to step back from our sadness and understand its origins. To decipher precisely where it stems from. And then to learn how to incorporate whatever we're lacking into our day-to-day lives.

Because as much as we can miss a person – as much as we can ache and mourn their absence – we will never miss anyone as much as we miss the versions of ourselves that we became alongside them.

The ways in which they made us feel worthy. The insecurities they made us forget. The wounds we buried deep down inside of us, which their presence pasted temporary Band-Aids on.

And as much as their absence may ache, perhaps the silver lining is this – it opens us up to the opportunity to understand what exactly it is within ourselves that we still need to work on growing into.

Because when someone leaves, they leave a void behind.

And we are left with two simple choices: To fill that void with somebody new, or to rise to the challenge of filling it up ourselves.

The former may feel like the easier move. But the latter will be infinitely more rewarding.

Because at the end of the day, the most rewarding person you will ever get together with after a breakup is yourself. TC mark