Thought Catalog


More Women Would Orgasm If Men Actually Did These 15 Things

Posted: 02 Dec 2016 08:00 PM PST

Unsplash, Sokoloff Lingerie
Unsplash, Sokoloff Lingerie

1. Give her massages. You want a blowjob as foreplay? Well, she wants a massage. Get her naked, touch every inch of her body while her favorite music plays in the background, and then think about fucking her.

2. Touch her clit. By now, you should know that most women can’t cum from penetration alone. They want their clit rubbed. So stop going in-and-out-and-in-and-out and actually give her what she needs.

3. Appeal to all five senses. Men are visual creatures, but women need more than just eye candy. They want you to whisper in their ears. Smell delicious. Taste delicious. They want it all.

4. Go down on her. For you, blowjobs are a bonus. But for her, oral might be the only way she can get off. So don’t make her beg for it. Give it to her before she has to ask.

5. Finish what you started. Even if you finish first, you should still try to give her an orgasm. Use your hands. Your mouth. Your dildo. Don’t leave her high and dry. It’s just not fair.

6. Put effort into your appearance. Don’t go down on her with a scratchy beard that’ll leave red marks. Don’t forget to put on cologne in addition to deodorant. Actually try to look good for her, because she always tries to look good for you.

7. Say something romantic. Talking dirty is great, but a little romance is always nice, too. Tell her how beautiful her body looks. How soft her skin is. How much you love her.

8. Be patient. Don’t get annoyed if you have to go down on her for twenty minutes. And don’t ask her if she orgasmed every five seconds. If you do, then she’s going to feel guilty for not finishing yet–and then it won’t happen at all.

9. Use sex toys. A vibrator will make her cum faster. Maybe even multiple times. Don’t you think she deserves that?

10. Talk to her about sex. For some reason, people seem to be more comfortable having sex than talking about sex. But if you’re banging her, you should have a conversation with her. Ask her what she likes, so you can give her what she needs.

11. Sext. Believe it or not, she likes sexting, too. Just don’t expect her to do all of the talking. Tell her what you want to do to her. In detail. And try to make it a little romantic.

12. Use lube. If she needs lube, it doesn’t mean you’re a failure. Her body is just naturally dry. Use the lube, so sex doesn’t hurt for her.

13. Touch her breasts. Don’t just stick them in your mouth and suck them for your own benefit. Do what she wants. Caress them. Play with her nipples. Find out what makes her moan the loudest.

14. Pay attention to those moans. Instead of just getting off on her moans, try to figure out what they mean. See which moves she’s responding positively to and which ones she doesn’t seem to enjoy, so you know what to do in the future. 

15. Show her you give a crap. Don’t make her feel like a toy. Like she’s being used. Make it clear that you care about her and her orgasm. TC mark

16 Women Reveal What It’s Like Having Sex With A ~GIGANTIC~ Penis

Posted: 02 Dec 2016 07:00 PM PST

Thought.Is
Thought.Is

1.

Laziest fucking lay in the world. It was terrible. Basically, “I have a giant cock, I don’t have to do work.” It was really pretty though…

— Anonymous

2.

My first and only “big dick” was a 9-incher…the girth was awesome, but the length was way too much. I kept asking him to ease up and not enter me all the way, and he kept getting over-enthusiastic…I still wonder what the best compromise would have been, since taking all of him was too much for me, but stopping short was not enough for him.

— sursurring

3.

My biggest was a 9′ with massive girth. Loved the fact that I was the only one he’s had that could fully deep throat him. He wasn’t the most caring/attentive guy, but when he was in me, thrusting away, there was just nothing else like it. Being completely filled and stretched like that is pretty amazing.

That said, I couldn’t deal with having that every day. I usually cramped up afterwards (we always went super hard at it… again, the only girl that could take all of him in me with it still being good and rough). I think if he’d been a regular/long time thing, I would have lost the ability to walk.

— Maxxters

4.

My first boyfriend was pretty well endowed. Oral was incredibly intimidating and I never really enjoyed it with him. The sex itself was alright at the time, but after having smaller penises I’ve realized that it shouldn’t have hurt so much. Also it made doggy rather difficult and that’s my favorite position.

All in all I’d take an average or even a small penis over a large one any day, they are far less cumbersome.

— mandyperki

5.

The biggest guy I’ve been with was 9″ and it wasn’t great. He was just kind of boring and admittedly I wasn’t super into him, just fascinated by his enormous penis. He knew that, though, and was cool with it because he was getting laid.

Then of the other two runner ups, one was my worst sexual experience ever. He was 7.5″ and fucked like a jackhammer, but he was so rough that it was incredibly painful. When I started saying it hurt and saying “no” to him, he didn’t stop, and later claimed that he heard “ow” as “wow” and “no” as “oh”. I couldn’t say for sure that that was bullshit, but I have a strong suspicion, so, that was a pretty horrible experience. I nearly went to the hospital after he left because I was in so much pain I thought maybe he did some internal damage. Then I also found out he had a girlfriend (she contacted me). So, double horrible.

And last, but most definitely not least, was the 8″ guy. He was amazing. Super sweet, considerate, got me off before he got himself off, etc. Just the right amount of assertive – not cocky, just really fucking confident. It was mindblowing, and I think all the neighbours knew it, too. We were together for almost two years but he didn’t want exclusivity and I’m a monogamous type, and I eventually gave up trying to deny that about myself.

— fucktoy

6.

My current boyfriend is enormous. I was actually a little scared when I first saw it. I was thinking “That’s going inside of me?! Am I going to live?” He can last forever (3 hours one time. I couldn’t walk for 2 days.) and he’s the best I’ve ever had. Cumming has always been easy with me, so when I’m with him it’s like a non-stop cumfest.

He knows what he’s doing in bed; he doesn’t rely on the the fact that his dick is huge, he actually knows how to use it. In regards to oral, he told me it’s never been a good experience and had many horror stories involving gratuitous amounts of teeth and gagging. challenge accepted. I am pleased to report that there has not been a single gag or chomp from me (like a boss!) but that’s due to the fact that I’ve known many dicks. Also, he blows quite the load.

— PinkCandyLemons

7.

I had some of the most mind blowing, earth shattering I-am-involuntarily-crying-due-to-extent-of-orgasm sex with someone who had an 8 incher once. On top of a table, lying with my back down and he was able to hit depth and angles previously unexplored. I literally thought I was going to hyperventialite I came so hard.

I’ve also had sex with men that have cocks so big that it literally feels like he’s fucking my stomach cavity. Which is an INCREDIBLY painful experience, and I would strongly caution those ladies who are boning a dude with a horsewang to engage in a fuckton of foreplay.

— Anonymous

8.

I thought I was a size queen, then I hooked up with a 9″ guy and, uh, ow in the cunt. It was a great size for blowjobs though, and it was incredibly hot to go down on him. Just enough circumference for a stretch, but not encumber working on the considerable length; I thought I was going to come from deep-throating him. Maybe I am only an oral size queen?

— vagqthrowaway

9.

I’ve had a few partners who were very well-endowed, and it was often as frustrating as it was fascinating or fun. I like penises in pretty much any shape or size, so it was always interesting. Girth is more fun than length, in my opinion.

But it can hurt, a lot. Even when you have a very considerate partner (and my experience has been that men with long penises are very considerate out of necessity if nothing else), lots of lube and warming up, you both hold back a bit, because getting your cervix bruised hurts like hell. You can’t help but flinch, and most guys don’t find that enjoyable either. It’s a lot of “no, not quite that deep” “let me change position a bit” “not quite that hard”. I think that it’s more frustrating for the guys, because they can rarely just let go. I’m sure that there are assholes out there who think of it as a weapon, or a ‘pass’, but the guys that I’ve known who are very large find it more of a problem than a blessing.

— aenea

10.

He was the size of my wrist in girth and about 9 inches in length. It was pretty intimidating the first time I saw it. We tried to have sex a few times but there was no way that was happening. I actually felt bad for him when he told me he usually was flat out refused when he took off his pants.

— god_damn_bitch

11.

One night I went home with this guy I’d met. We basically stumbled into his place, not even bothering to turn a light on anywhere. I get a glimpse of his cock in the light of a lamppost outside and it’s huge… Just long and thick and ridiculous. My drunk self decides I can take this and I’m so drunk and so horny that we get to it and he goes in dry. Hurts at first and then I’m getting wetter and wetter and it’s crazy. Anyways, everything reaches its conclusion and he gets up to go for the inevitable post coital piss. On his way out he flicks on the light. There is blood everywhere. Between him splitting me open and the lack of foreplay his bed has turned into that hallway from The Shining. And I’m so drunk and embarrassed I throw on my clothes and thirty seconds later I’m running out of his house barefoot with blood down my legs.

Was good sex though.

— boneratheon

12.

I lost my virginity to a guy with a big dick. It was like 8 or 9 inches and was really thick. The first few times were so painful. He got frustrated that I kept asking him to stop so he just started plowing me because he said I would have to get used to it. I bled a lot and there were chunks of my hymen on his dick.

— idkwhattoputasmyname

13.

This top honor would have to go to my dear husband. I was a 20 year old sweet little thing when I met him. After a few weeks we finally did the deed, at that point I had only been with one other man.

He whipped it out and I was visibly shaken, but tried to keep my cool. IT WAS ENORMOUS. I’d never seen something so big.

It was one of the most painful nights of my life, and 8 years later… I can’t get enough.

— Anonymous

14.

My very first had a 9 1/2 incher. When he first whipped it out, I didn’t know whether to suck it or feed it a peanut. And I am 5′ 1″ and was pretty petite at age 15. I thought all dicks were like his. My 2nd lover’s was about the size of my thumb. Confusion ensued.

— cootieshot

15.

Woman here. I was a bit of a late bloomer, so I took full advantage of the skewed male/female ratio of the Air Force during training. Snuck a guy up into my room and started to get hot and heavy.

I reached into his pants only to discover a dick the size of a toddler’s leg. He proudly stated it was 11″ long, with the girth about the size of my wrist. I immediately decided he was going nowhere near my vagina, and attempted to give him a blowjob instead. Key word is attempted, because my mouth barely fit around it and I’m sure there was more than a little bit of tooth than is normally preferred. 2/10.

— Riodancer

16.

My ex had a pretty large cock. He was a little over 8 inches and very girthy, and a grower, not a shower. The first time I saw it, I was so disappointed (I’d been led to believe by a previous lover he had a “horse cock” and it was the size of my pinky) then he got hard and my jaw dropped. The first thing out of my mouth was ” Oh my god, you’re going to break me”.

The sex was absolutely amazing, but I ended up getting a lot of bladder infections, which really seriously sucked. We ended up not working out in the long run but I’m convinced he’s the best sex I’ll ever have. I may have plateaued sexually at 23 :(

— vikinglizzie TC mark

80 Insanely Smooth Pickup Lines That Will Actually Work On Men

Posted: 02 Dec 2016 06:00 PM PST

Unsplash, Jake Young
Unsplash, Jake Young

1.

“Hi! What's your name!”

He says his name.

“No kidding, you have the same name as my boyfriend!”

"Oh really?"

“Well, we're not actually dating yet. In fact, we've only just met.”

2.

“Hey, can you answer this survey?”

Then hand him your phone with the ‘enter number’ screen.

3.

Ask to borrow his phone, because yours died and you need to call your mom. Call your phone, then text him later and say you thought he was cute and wanted his number, but were too shy to ask.

4.

At a campus of any kind, go up to a random guy (it can someone you know as well as someone you don't know) and say, “Hey! I have an urgent question and I need a man's advice.”

"What is it?"

“Let's say I see a really cute guy, should I go up and introduce myself to him or is that too direct?”

99 out of 100 of them will say, "You should totally talk to him!"

“Okay, hi, I'm *insert name*.”

5.

“I'm going to have to ask you to leave. You're making the other guys look bad.”

You can even comment on his Instagram and say, “I'm going to have to ask you to delete your Instagram account. You're making the other guys look bad.”

6.

“So when are we going on our second date?”

“When did we go on our first one?”

“We're on it right now.”

7.

“Hey, there's something is wrong with my phone, do you think you can help me fix it?”

"What's wrong with it?"

“Your number isn't in there!”

8.

“I know a girl who likes you, but if I weren't so shy, I'd tell you who. So can you give me your number to pass on to her?”

9.

When you're about to leave, say, “Let me get your number before I go.”

10.

“No offense, but do you want to hold hands?”

11.

“I know I may not be the prettiest girl here, but guess what? I'm the only one talking to you.”

12.

Next time you're buying something and see a cute cashier, say, “If I wasn't buying all of this, would you still check me out?”

13.

“Hi, my name's Chance. Do I have one?”

14.

“I think you dropped something.”

“What?”

“Your standards. Hi, my name is *insert name.*”

15.

“Hey, your mom told me to say hi to you. She also said she wanted you to talk to me back.”

16.

Randomly say, “Thanks!”

“For what?”

“For wearing that outfit.”

17.

“If I were to ask you if you like me, would your answer be the same as it is to this question?”

18.

Walk up to two guys and say to the hotter one, “Do you like to dance?

“Yeah?”

“Well can you go dance so I can talk to your friend?”

19.

“How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice.”

20.

“Sorry, not a good icebreaker.”

21.

“Hey! I have a question: what's your favorite movie/food? Do you wanna take me on a date and get that with me right now?”

22.

As he is leaving, say, “Hey! You're forgetting something?”

“What?”

“My number.”

23.

“Do you know what Victoria's real secret is? She wants you to give your number to me.”

24.

“Do you know why the letter 'X' scares me? Because I never want to be yours.”

25.

“If you were a basketball, I'd never shoot.”

“Why?”

“Because I'd always miss you.”

26

“Did you die recently? You look like an angel.”

27.

“If I had to choose between chocolate cake and you, I'd choose you.”

28.

“Are you a magician? I thought you might be, since every time I look at you, everyone else disappears.”

29.

“Is your name Waldo? Because someone like you is hard to find.”

30.

“Hi! Can I get your picture, to show all my friends that angels really do exist?”

31.

At church, say, “I was looking through the bible, and was reading the book of numbers. You know what that made me realize?”

“What?”

“That I don't have yours.”

32.

“By any chance, is your dad an art thief? Because you're a masterpiece.”

33.

“Hi! Do you have a name? Or can I call you mine?”

34.

“I'm willing to lower my standards if you go on a date with me.”

35.

“I just wanted to tell you that you look great with that haircut.”

36.

“I'm cold. Can I use you as a blanket?”

37.

“If you ever get chased by a bear with a chainsaw as his left arm, I hope he stays away from your face, because you're handsome.”

38.

“I think I have the right to punch you, in the mouth. With my own mouth. Because I like you.”

39.

“Don't be alarmed if you wake up in a box on Christmas morning. You were the only thing on my wish list.”

40.

“Hey! Do you think I'm cute?”

Wait for response.

“I guess we have something in common!”

41.

“Hi! I'm writing a term paper and was wondering if you can help me.”

"Sure, what's it about?"

“It's about the finer things in life, so I'm wondering if I can interview you.”

42.

Pause and then say, “I'm sorry, you're so gorgeous I forgot my pick up line.”

43.

“Hey, I have had a really bad day, but you know what always makes me feel better?”

“What?”

“Talking to a handsome guy. So, would you talk to me?”

44.

“Would you be interested in Netflix and chill?”

45.

“Laugh if you wanna take me on a date.”

46.

“We should go back to my place and talk to each other.”

47.

“Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I'll give it back.”

48.

“I'll give you a kiss. If you don't like it, you can return it.”

49.

“Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?”

50.

“My friends bet me I couldn't talk to the handsomest guy here. Wanna use their money to buy drinks?”

51.

“Sir, I'm going to need your name and phone number for insurance purposes.”

“Why?”

“Because I was blinded by how handsome you are.”

52.

“Sir, I think I'm going to have to suspend your license.”

“Why?”

“For driving me crazy.”

53.

“You there! Can you answer a question for me? Aside from being gorgeous, what do you do for a living?”

54.

“Your hand looks heavy. Can I hold it for you?”

55.

“Well, here I am. What are your other two wishes?”

56.

“Hey handsome, do you wanna give me your number? If yes, smile, if no, do a backflip.”

57.

“Can I ask you something if you don't mind? Do you have an ugly girlfriend?”

“No.”

“Do you want one?”

58.

“Have you ever asked out a random girl at a *wherever location you are in?* Yeah? Well there's a first time for everything.”

59.

“That color looks great on you. Know what else would look great on you? Me.”

60.

Hand him a note saying, “I want you to know something, but I'm too shy to tell you in person, so I'll just let the first three words of this sentence say it for me.”

61.

“Hey, do you mind if I tie your shoes? Because I don't want you falling for anyone else.”

62.

“I could sit next to you forever. Or until you decide to take me out to eat.”

63.

“Is that girl bothering you? No? Would you mind if I bothered you then?”

64.

Go up to a group of guys and say, “Which one of you has the lowest standards?”

65.

“I just got dumped and I think you could make me feel better.”

66.

“You're so cute it's distracting.”

67.

“You are the quintessence of pulchritude. Google it.”

68.

“It is slightly possible that I might like you just a little bit.”

69.

“Our smiles should touch now.”

70.

Hand him a note that says, “You wanna know who is handsome, sweet and some other cute third thing? Read the first word of the previous sentence.”

71.

“When I was a little girl, I tried holding my breath under water for a minute but it felt like an hour. Right now, I've been looking at a handsome guy for an hour but it's felt like a minute.”

72.

“There isn't a word in the dictionary to describe how handsome you are.”

73.

“Please stop looking so attractive. I'm trying to stop liking you.”

74.

“Hey, I really like the way you dress.”

75.

“You're wearing my favorite outfit, and it looks even better when you wear it.”

76.

“Wanna know what my favorite outfit for a guy to wear is? Look in the mirror.”

77.

“I don't believe in love at first sight, but I'll make an exception for you.”

78.

“They told me if I want to make you fall in love, I have to learn to make you smile, but you just smiled now, and I am the one that has fell in love.”

79.

“OMG do you brush your teeth? We have so much in common!”

80.

“I can't blame gravity for falling in love with you.” TC mark

Here’s The App That Thinks ‘LOL Women Are Stupid’ Is A Good Marketing Strategy

Posted: 02 Dec 2016 05:28 PM PST

Kylie Jenner Instagram
Kylie Jenner Instagram

Here’s how fake news is created in order to get you to buy stuff:

An app company (Good&Co) seems to be making money off this photoshopped tweet which was a successful attempt to go viral and get attention for the company. The fake exchange has almost 170,000 notes on Tumblr:

Tumblr
Tumblr

There are some suspiciously ‘deactivated’ very sales-person-sounding accounts coming to the company’s defense (boosted through Tumblr’s paid ad program?):

Tumblr
Tumblr

Another suspicious account came to the company’s defense. It is the account’s only post. Ever.

The made up exchange banks on the fact that our culture loves to make fun of women we perceive as vapid or stupid — something the Kardashian/Jenner clan is especially ripe for since we tend to think of them as bimbos instead of businesswomen. Maybe you genuinely think Kylie Jenner is a stupid woman. That’s not too controversial, there’s very little incentive for someone like her to study anything. She’s not even able to drink legally and she didn’t even go to college.

But let’s be clear, this is fake news. This isn’t about Kylie Jenner being smart or dumb, this is about a company that’s using fake information about her in order to burn her at the stake following the court of public approval. This is witch-burning. This is spreading misinformation for profit.

The company continues to heartlessly troll Kylie, though she is attempting to set people straight on her Twitter:

Twitter
Twitter

Call me overly optimistic, but I’m surprised any company is trying to win over millennials by showing themselves to be so greedy and callous. Why is this okay with the company’s female employees who might have a say over what happens on social (Kerry Schofield or Emma Tolkin)? We’ve all dealt with internet bullies, we don’t want or need to support them financially. TC mark

13 Things He’ll Do During Sex If He’s Cheating Behind Your Back

Posted: 02 Dec 2016 05:00 PM PST

Twenty20, _eatandlove_
Twenty20, _eatandlove_

1. He uses a shit ton of new moves and puts you into new positions that you’ve never tried before. When you ask him where he came up with the ideas, he isn’t able to give you an answer, because he learned them in bed with somebody else and doesn’t want you to know.

2. He picks positions where he doesn’t have to look you in the eyes or kiss your lips. Whenever you do see his face, his eyes are closed or are staring at the wall behind you, because he’s fantasizing about someone else.

3. He looks different down there. Even though he normally complains about how much he hates shaving, his genitals are now completely bare. He’s taken his manscaping up a notch for seemingly no reason at all.

4. You never even have sex, because he’s completely stopped initiating it. Even when you try to get him in the mood, he makes up shitty excuses to put it off, because he’s getting all he needs from another woman.

5. Or he starts initiating sex way more than usual. He feels guilty about cheating, so he’s trying to make it up to you by making you orgasm as many times as humanly possible.

6. Even though he should know you well by now, he starts doing things you hate in bed. He might be getting your preferences confused with the other woman’s preferences.

7. He brings up random changes that he wants you to make to your body. Even though he’s always loved your brown hair, he’s telling you to dye it blonde. Even though he’s always liked your Brazilian waxes, he’s asking you to stop shaving.

8. For some reason, he’s lasting a long time in bed, even though it’s never taken him all that long to cum in the past. Either he’s been masturbating a lot or he’s been getting some strange on the side.

9. He mentions how he wants to recreate a sexy night you two had together, but once he explains the night he’s talking about, you realize it never actually happened. He’s getting his memories confused.

10. All of a sudden, he has abs and muscular arms, even though he’s been heavy since you’ve first met him. He’s either going through a mid-life crisis or is trying to impress the new woman in his life.

11. He doesn’t want to cuddle after he cums. In fact, he usually ends up starting a fight with you as soon as everything is said and done. Those mood swings have become common inside and outside of the bedroom, because of his guilty conscience.

12. Something is different. Maybe he’s wearing an expensive new cologne. Maybe he’s asking you to use handcuffs in the bedroom, even though you know he’s never wanted to do that before and he can’t explain why he suddenly wants to do it now.

13. He says the wrong name. There’s no flag bigger or redder than this one. TC mark

13 Men Reveal The Reason They Call Their Ex ‘Crazy’

Posted: 02 Dec 2016 04:00 PM PST

Tony Ciampa
Tony Ciampa

1. “84 missed calls and 23 voicemails. Yeah. Crazy.” —Charlie, 28

beetlejuice

2. “Not my ex, but I went out with a girl my friend set me up with, and on our first date she knew my brother and sister’s name. It’s not so much that she stalked me on Facebook, it’s the fact that she couldn’t even conceal that she did.” —Mike, 27

beetlejuice

3. “After two dates, she brought up the ‘so what are we conversation.’ Unless you have God’s vagina, two dates is way too soon for me to only commit to you.” —Robert, 25

beetlejuice

4. “She was on the phone with her friend and was talking about how she stopped taking her birth control…except she didn’t tell ME about it.” —Harrison, 26

beetlejuice

5. “She was convinced I wanted to fuck my best friend (who’s a girl). She purposely became close with her just to make sure it never happened. I basically couldn’t hangout with my best friend without my girlfriend being there.” —Jack, 27

beetlejuice

6. “She was way too into BDSM. I’m all for role play and shit, but when she took the whip out I was like, ‘oh fuck.'” —Stephan, 26

beetlejuice

7. “She faked a pregnancy to get me to stay with her. I found fucking tampons in her trash can and was like WTF are these? Pretty sure you don’t need those when you’re pregnant.” —Andrew, 26

beetlejuice

8. “Baby fever. I can’t handle that shit. I’m 25, not 35.” —Pat, 25

beetlejuice

9. “She was an angry drunk. Real angry, fists through the wall angry.” —Wesley, 25

beetlejuice

10. “She drove my motorcycle without asking. She doesn’t even have a motorcycle license.” —Bryan, 26

beetlejuice

11. “She got my sister involved in all of our fights. She’d call her, text her, message her on Facebook, all complaining about things I did. First, I’m her brother, she’s not going to side with you. Second, my sister doesn’t want to hear about her brother’s relationship problems.” —Christopher, 25

beetlejuice

12. “I wouldn’t answer her calls the night we broke up (because she’s crazy), so she called my parent’s house phone…repetitively. What are we, in elementary school? They don’t want to talk to your crazy ass either.” —Antonio, 26

beetlejuice

13. “She tried to sink my jet ski, not successful, but she tried.” —Jon, 25 TC mark

If Your Ex Does These 22 Things, He Still Has The Hots For You

Posted: 02 Dec 2016 03:00 PM PST

Unsplash, Tim Gouw
Unsplash, Tim Gouw

1. He uses any excuse he can think of to see you. He keeps stopping by to drop off earrings you left at his house and to see if he left any of his sweatshirts behind.

2. You can’t even count the number of drunk texts that have come in. Whenever he picks up a bottle, he ends up picking up his phone to bother you.

3. He actually admits that he misses you.

4. Or he makes comments about his parents or his dog missing you. Really, it means that he’s missing you.

5. He keeps bringing up memories from the good old days, because he wants you to think about all of the nice things he’s done and forget about the bad.

6. Whenever he hooks up with a new girl, he tells you all about it. If he wants to make you jealous, then he obviously still cares about you.

7. He keeps showing up at the restaurant that he knows you go to with your friends every weekend. He’s clearly running into you on purpose.

8. Whenever you see each other, you can feel how strong the sexual tension is. There’s no mistaking it.

9. He keeps posting “vague” statues on Facebook that are clearly about you. Or about how depressed he is.

10. He touches you every chance that he gets. His hugs aren’t “friendly” hugs. He lingers just a little too long.

11. Whenever you mention another guy, he starts asking a million questions. He’s obviously not okay with you seeing someone else.

12. Whenever you post a super hot selfie on Instagram, he likes it. And then he messages you about it.

13. According to your friends, he keeps asking about you.

14. He keeps asking you how your parents are doing. And your cousins. And your job. And your spin class. He asks questions that even your best friends wouldn’t care to ask, because he hates that he’s not involved in your life anymore.

15. He still gives you that look. He doesn’t have to say a word for you to know he’s thinking about you naked.

16. Whenever he knows he’s going to see you, he dresses in his best shirt and those skinny jeans you love.

17. He continues to send you shirtless Snapchats and pictures of him in bed.

18. He gets nervous around you. His hands shake and he can’t look you in the eyes.

19. Sometimes, you forget that you’re broken up. He treats you exactly the same as he did when you were dating.

20. Every single time he sees you, he tells you how good you look. And you can tell he means it.

21. He mentions how, even though you two didn’t work out as a couple, you should give FWBs a try.

22. He keeps apologizing for everything that went wrong between the two of you. He wants to make things right. TC mark

He’s Just Not That Into You And You Can’t Change His Mind

Posted: 02 Dec 2016 02:00 PM PST

 Christopher Campbell
Christopher Campbell

I spent over two years of my life pining over an ex-boyfriend that just wasn't that into me. Not to mention a few other dudes here and there. If you give me a chance, I think what I have to share with you (which is what your friends and family won't say to your face) could be of use.

Yes, this was a book. And a movie. But there's a generation of women who have likely never heard of it and I have several friends that are acting like it doesn't apply to them. Allow me to remind you, he's just not that into you.

Once upon a time I got dumped. I was laying on my bed, face up, when my reality check was delivered. My arm was draped over my eyes, he was sitting on the ground, and I thought maybe if I just sat there long enough. And still enough. And didn't look at him, or see anything, that it might not be happening. I wasn't expecting it. I didn't see it coming. Us dumpees never really do. Sure we might suspect that things aren't going well, but we chalk it up to a slump. We figure the phase we're in is just another valley and soon we'll be back up on a peak.

After we've been blindsided by a breakup our favorite thing to do is to try to figure out why this person broke up with us. Because what they told us is just not the ACTUAL reason why. I agree with this line of thinking, 1) the person doing the breakup usually is going to give you a "soft" version, so to a certain extent they are holding back because most people don’t want to hurt you and 2) it doesn't matter if they tone it down or give it to you straight, you are going to come up with some "real reason" why they broke up with you.

I don't know why we do it, we waste energy and hours determining another human beings motivation, reasoning, and their thought process. And then we waste our friends' (and anybody who will listen) energy and hours talking about it too. When it doesn't matter. This person broke up with us, we should be reasonable and move on. But the heartbroken are some of the least reasonable people you will encounter.

I present the top justification that the dumped and their support system champion:

Afraid of commitment. Just a classic case of commitment phobia huh? Things were getting too serious? Moving too fast? He was afraid about how strong his emotions were? Really, tell me more.

The Dumper is not "afraid of commitment." STOP people. Wake up. Guess what, you know what people commit to? PEOPLE THEY LIKE. It is that simple. You can stop reading, this is all you need to know. When someone likes you, NOTHING gets in the way.

“I really like you, but… ” translates to: “I don’t really like you.”

Timing. Friends. Family. School. Work. None of those are a valid reasons to break up, not with someone you want to be with. Did you hear me? People don't break up with people they like. Stop over complicating it. Stop making excuses or trying to figure out a reason why the person you love doesn't want to be with you anymore. It doesn't matter. The sooner you accept this, the sooner you can begin moving on.

He just isn’t that into you. And that's OK. You need to come to grips with the fact that this person might not be ready to settle down, and you can’t attribute that to some outside force that has nothing to do with you. That is taking away your responsibility and role in this break up, and therefor you’re relinquishing your ability to heal. And as hard as it is to believe, as much as it hurts, understand that one of the major reason people are ready to settle down is because they meet the “right” person. So that means you, are not that person. Hard to swallow, but you’re better off being hurt for a while than delusional.

It's a lot easier for all parties involved if you resolve to accept the fact that he's just not into you. And it's even more important that you understand that this is OK.

It doesn't make you any less wonderful or beautiful or smart. You are all of those things. But you cannot be everyone's brand my dear. It's simply not possible.

Coach purses are nice. Would I ever want a Coach purse? Nope, not my thing. Doesn't mean that Coach isn't a perfectly classy respectable brand. Think of yourself as a Coach purse. There are people out there who love the shit out of Coach purses. Go find them.

I want to apologize to any of my friends if I've gone along with this charade. You know, the one where you tell your friend that their ex is afraid of committing and it has nothing to do with them. The one where you enable your pal and do them the disservice of allowing them to think that this guy will come back around once he sees the light.

Stop. You're not helping the situation, in fact at the very least you're setting yourself up for countless hours of dissecting the same 3 text messages over and over again. You are a bad friend if you’re unwilling to tell someone the truth because it’s not easy to say, but are willing to watch you friend suffer and encourage her to go after someone who doesn’t reciprocate her feelings. Don’t be a bystander.

You've been together for 4 years (assuming that both parties have an understanding of each other's expectations regarding marriage) and you're not engaged yet? I'm sorry, but nothing is going to change by year 5. I know zero couples that somehow magically crossed over into "ready to get married" territory after some obscure mile marker of time.

Bottom line, after a few trips around the sun, your significant other knows all he needs to know about whether or not he wants to spend the rest of his life with you.

I’m not saying that your significant other doesn’t love you unless you’re running to the alter, but if you want to get married and he knows that, then he should be demonstrating to you that, that is his end goal. Verbally or financially assuring you, that that is where his head’s at. Don’t waste half a decade with someone without having this conversation. Pressuring someone to marry you and being pressured to get married is not the stuff of romance novels. It doesn’t have to be that way, talk about it.

Be proactive and open about how you’re feeling and move on, enjoy your relationship, or don’t. Get out of a relationship that isn’t heading where you want it to.

Would you want to watch a Nicholas Sparks movie about a girl who keeps nagging her commitment phobic boyfriend to get married? No, I bet those characters would be really annoying on screen. Just like they are in real life. And while we’re talking in movie analogies, men who are into you don’t make cameo appearances. They have staring roles. Ryan Gosling wouldn’t settle for 5 lines and neither does your ride or die.

(Exceptions to every rule: if you guys are young, if you're actively saving for a home, ring, or have some other financial burden like loans or debt, intensive schooling… then you receive a pass.)

He's just not that into you. It doesn't mean he's not into you at all, it's just not enough.

Not enough to not cheat on you, not enough to marry you, not enough to buy a house together. You deserve someone who is all the way into you. I beg you, stop wasting your time trying to figure out why. Recognize and move on. Do not drunk text. Do not sober text. Do not call. Do not tell them you ran into their family member or heard a song and thought of them. Let's be honest, all of the songs and all of the faces make you think of this person. You've picked up your phone and put it down 75 times talking yourself out of contacting them. Make it 76 and delete the number.

You owe these people kindness, because as a general life rule we should be kind to everyone. But you don't go out of your way to give it to them. You don't need to say happy birthday. I assure you, receiving a HBD text from you is not going to tip the scale in your favor. All of the sudden they're not gonna be like… dayyyyyum, I need to be with this chick. They're actually more likely to contact you the less you contact them. Heaven forbid you move on.

You don't need to meet up to "get your things." Do you know how the guy who dumped me got his things that he left at my place? He went there while I wasn't home and he took them. Because he was smart. He understood that face-to-face contact with a girl he wasn't that into needed to be avoided. He minimized unnecessary interaction – and bless him. At the time I was angry, but now I realize that the only thing that comes from all of those meet ups and conversations is more heartache. Have you ever left one of those feeling better? Don't confuse false hope and prolonging the inevitable, with feeling better. Have that homie give your favorite hoodie to a friend and call it wrap.

People who are somewhat into you are really good at making you think they are all the way into you.

In fact, they will do almost all of the things fully committed people will do. They will sleep with you, they will spend time with you, they will text you, and they will buy you things. They might even bring you around family and friends. In the most extreme cases they will have children with you.

You may have spent a considerable amount of time telling your best friend how you know that so and so likes you because he does all of these great things for you, you just can't figure out why he goes radio silent from time to time. When someone is into you, this is not a conversation you have to have with anybody. You don't have to make a mental inventory of their behavior that would suggest they like you.

I had one guy bring me to his parents house the first time we hung out, in all my history of dating, this guy may have been into me the least of all. Yet I was certain he liked me because, well, who introduces you to their parents unless they actually think there might be something there (crazy people). After meeting my future in laws, a heated make out sesh and a lovely breakfast the following morning, he called to inform me that we would not be hanging out again. Now I know, meeting friends and family is not a guaranteed check in the "totally digs me" category.

Here’s the kicker though… you're probably not that into them. We tend to like people who diminish our self-worth and make us question our value. Those feelings of unworthiness are powerful and we frequently mistake them for love.

You spend all your time worrying about why they’re not into you and trying to make them into you, that you may have lost sight of whether or not you actually like them. Pause for a moment and reflect deeply about this scenario, what about them makes them the right person?

This moment might be difficult, but hindsight will blow your mind. One day, you will look back on all of the men who just weren’t that into you, and you will want to thank them.

The lessons you learned from leaving them behind will be more valuable than the time you spent with them. You will realize that you were beautiful, and smart, and funny all along. And that those qualities are not dependent on someone else’s love. TC mark

This Is How You Keep Ruining Your Chances At Love, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Posted: 02 Dec 2016 01:00 PM PST

unsplash.com
unsplash.com

Aries

(March 21st to April 19th)

You put way too much stock into the ‘falling’ stage of love and not enough into the part that comes after – the one where you experience the joy and excitement of sharing your life with someone else. What’s getting in your way is that you’re convinced that after you finish ‘falling’ for someone, everything gets boring and predictable, whereas it’s quite the opposite. Love is a really scary, exciting, and unpredictable experience, no matter what stage of it you’re in. Once you can realize that, your love life will feel a lot less complicated.

Taurus

(April 20th to May 21st)

You have no problems being a loving, supportive, compassionate partner. Your issue comes with learning how to be flexible and adaptable when it comes to dating. Your sense of security in the dating world comes from having control, and you need to learn how to accept the fact that the only person you can control is yourself.

Gemini

(May 22nd to June 21st)

You have to learn how to be comfortable not always being the light, happy-go-lucky one, especially when you start getting a little more serious with people. Your humor and enthusiasm are some of your best qualities and some of the reasons why people fall for you, but you have to remember that it’s okay to also show them your sensitive, anxious, insecure side. You have to learn how to be human in front of the people you’re dating.

Cancer

(June 22nd to July 22nd)

Your emotional and protective nature is something to be celebrated, but you also have to work on being comfortable with letting go and leaving things somewhat up to chance. You fall fast and unafraid, and that’s okay and even good – most people are scared to be that vulnerable. But you need to start working on accepting the fact that you can’t control every aspect of your dating love – some of it’s up to you of course, but some of it’s up to the other person, and some of it’s up to chance. That’s just the way it is.

Leo

(July 23rd to August 22nd)

You are used to doing things your way. It’s how you’ve managed to be so successful and ambitious at such a young age. But part of dating or being in a relationship is acknowledging that you are only 50% of the puzzle and that you have to be willing to bend sometimes, in order to accommodate the other person and their life into your own. It’s not about giving up yourself or the things that make you you. It’s about learning that welcoming someone else into your life doesn’t make you any less you.

Virgo

(August 23rd to September 22nd)

Overthinking – that is your biggest problem in your love life. When you go on a date, you’re thinking of all the things you might be doing or saying wrong, instead of enjoying the person you’re with. When you’re sending a text message, it takes multiple rewrites before you end up just cringing and shutting your eyes and sending something. You’re putting way too much pressure on yourself to seem perfect, cool, composed, and everything else that you are needlessly convinced you need to be. Take a break, go easy on yourself, and remember that you want your partner to fall for you for you, not for who you’re pretending to be. The right person will love you for all the things that make up who you are, including those aspects of yourself that you’re convinced you need to be ashamed about.

Libra

(September 23rd to October 22nd)

You are a bit of a ‘lily padder.’ You pretty much click with everyone, so it’s not hard from you to constantly be discovering new connections with new people. The problem is that the minute things get slightly less flirty and a little more serious, you’re moving on to the next thing. Start making yourself be more aware of your tendency to be flighty and indecisive in your dating life. Going from person to person without ever getting to know them on a deeper level is only going to fulfill you for so long.

Scorpio

(October 23rd to November 22nd)

Your issues with trust are what keep getting in your way. You have a magnetic and contagious personality, so people fall for you easily. The problem is that you have a hard time letting them get to know you on anything below a surface level, because you’re afraid of being hurt or caught off guard. Although you can’t totally protect yourself from being hurt or blindsided, you should trust yourself enough to know that you have a good instinct, you’re good at reading people, and you have a good sense of who is going to treat you well.

Sagittarius

(November 23rd to December 21st)

You need to let go of the idea that love is always supposed to be easy, light, and carefree. It’s great to be that way in the beginning, when you’re dating around and meeting different people and figuring out what kind of person you’re looking for in a lifelong partner. But ultimately you need to focus on the fact that even with the most perfect significant other in the world for you, love is always going to be a challenge.

Capricorn

(December 22nd to January 20th)

Being careful and patient when it comes to dating (which you are) is very beneficial, but sometimes you take it too far to the extreme – in the case of being overly cautious, pessimistic, and way too reserved. Not every person you meet is going to screw you over or break your heart. It’s important to be careful and selective with who you give your time and your heart to, but if you try to find something wrong with every person you date in order to have an excuse to run in the opposite direction, you’re never going to find someone. Keep your standards high (as you should), but try giving people the benefit of the doubt when your gut tells you that you should.

Aquarius

(January 21st to February 18th)

Your independence and strong sense of self is something to be admired, but your purposeful detachment is going to be your downfall. It’s important to stay in touch with yourself, to refuse to lose yourself within another person. But it’s also important to be willing to jump when it comes to love – being aloof and unemotional (as you tend to be) will certainly protect you, but it’s also going to hinder you from ever discovering that life-changing connection of emotional intimacy with another person.

Pisces

(February 19th to March 20th)

Your compassion and selflessness are some of the best parts of your personality – including when you’re in a relationship. But being sensitive and considerate of others does not mean that you can’t also stick up for yourself and stand your ground. When it comes to your love life, you need to make sure to stick up for yourself and remember that you deserve to be treated just as well as you treat others. The best thing you can do for yourself is to only spend your time with people who you know are going to appreciate you for you and not what you can do for them – people who appreciate your kindness and generosity, but who will never take advantage of it. TC mark

16 Ways You Know You’re In A Relationship Where Neither Of You Are Settling

Posted: 02 Dec 2016 12:00 PM PST

devonpendleton
devonpendleton

1. You rarely feel the need to justify their behaviors, traits or choices to other people. Not that they’re perfect, but that you feel little need to explain why you’re with them, to yourself or anybody else.

2. You’re generally happy on your own, or could be, if your relationship dissolved. You’re not using them as a bandaid for a life you don’t love.

3. You’re willing to risk the idea that you may be missing out, or sacrificing a bit of your young, wild youth to be with them. It doesn’t press on you too much. They’re worth it.

4. You aren’t irrationally irritated by the little things. You can spend extended periods of time with them and be pretty content. This is to say: you actually like them, not just the idea of them.

5. You have an unexplainable, otherworldly “connection.” The spark. The Thing. Of this, you have no doubts.

6. You don’t have to explain why you’re so “right” for each other. In fact, you don’t think about the relationship nearly as much as you focus on actually being in it.

7. You are more yourself because of them. They open you up to layers of yourself you didn’t know existed. They help you grow, not distract you from focusing on the person you need and want to become.

8. You don’t want to change them, but are happy to continue to fall in love with whoever they evolve into over time.

9. You keep showing up. You keep trying.

10. You’re proud of them. You want to show people that you’re in a relationship. You’re grateful to be with them.

11. They are your best friend as much as they are your lover – you have a kind of bond that’s beyond just romantic or sexual (though those things are important, and there).

12. You’re challenged by them, and by your relationship. Complacency isn’t an option.

13. You still get butterflies sometimes. The little things are still as exciting as when you first got together.

14. You aren’t in a mad dash to the aisle, or to a house, or toward parenthood. Even when things move quickly, they’re never rushed, and there’s a difference. Breezing over the most wonderful time of your relationship for heavier commitments usually means the desire is to just have *someone,* not necessarily *them.*

15. You know that there are other people out there. You know you could theoretically be with any number of those people. (You choose your partner anyway.)

16. The thought of losing them makes you sad, not panicked. They’re in your life because you love them, not because you’re afraid of the alternative. TC mark

Save The Poets T-Shirt

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  • 100% Cotton
  • Men's and Women's sizes
  • Colors: Brown, Black, Navy, Silver, Slate
  • Machine wash cold with like colors, dry low heat
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