Thought Catalog


Here’s What Kind Of Introvert You Are, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Posted: 30 Dec 2016 10:00 PM PST

Franca Gimenez
Franca Gimenez

Aries

(March 21st to April 19th)

You are an adventurous introvert. You actually dislike being called an “introvert” because you don’t relate at all to the weak stereotype of being a wet blanket. You are strong and you can handle yourself. You love people and being out and doing stuff, you’re just extra independent and need your alone time to recharge when the night is over.

Taurus

(April 20th to May 21st)

You’re an independent af introvert. You really don’t seem to need people the way other people do. You could care less what people think about you and you’ve never needed a crutch — you’re totally fine doing whatever you want to do by yourself. When people are in your life, it’s because you truly love them as people and they add value. No one is in your social circle as a filler.

Gemini

(May 22nd to June 21st)

You are the passionate introvert. You have hundreds of hobbies and you haven’t been bored in about seven years. Every day you wake up and feel like this world is an exciting place to be. You draw people to you with your joie de vivre and you’re happy to have them along for the ride as long as they don’t slow you down.

Cancer

(June 22nd to July 22nd)

You are the loving introvert. It’s difficult to love people as much as you do but also need so much time alone. You’re constantly worried about hurting people’s feelings by withdrawing from them. You should know that worry is in vane, no one experiences a deeper feeling of being wholly loved than when they are with a Cancer.

Leo

(July 23rd to August 22nd)

You are the selective introvert. You’re awesome with people — you just don’t like to be around them very much. And when you are with people, your always sure to make sure you’re getting what you need from your relationships. No one will walk all over you because you can always walk away.

Virgo

(August 23rd to September 22nd)

You are the powerhouse introvert. You are the embodiment of a movie montage about someone kicking ass in their career. Whatever you care most about in life at the moment, you’re totally focused on it and you’re the last person to let other people get in the way. You don’t feel the need to dote on other people, they can keep up or they can go hang with someone else.

Libra

(September 23rd to October 22nd)

You are the charming introvert. You have the best social skills of all the introverts and you get a lot of happiness from all your relationships. But there’s always a little distance between you and the people you’re closest to — you need to maintain a little space and privacy in order to stay sane.

Scorpio

(October 23rd to November 22nd)

You are the fearless introvert. You’ve never lost a fight in your entire life. You’re far from a meek introvert and you don’t back down. When you’re close to someone, you become their protector, too, but you’re extremely careful to vet people before you let yourself connect with them.

Sagittarius

(November 23rd to December 21st)

You are the partner-in-crime introvert. Even though you’re an introvert, you tend to always find yourself in close relationships with people. That’s because you make such an awesome partner. No one is a better travel companion, no one is a more fun person to walk through the aisles at Whole Foods with and laugh about nothing. You take your space when you can and avoid small talk and large groups like the plague, but you’re not the kind of person to shy away from relationships with people you can have fun with.

Capricorn

(December 22nd to January 20th)

You are the classy introvert. You’re an old soul who has a very strong sense of self. You’re absolutely sure who you are and what you like. You’re okay standing out from the crowd because you’re totally happy with the things you value, even if they aren’t for everyone. You recharge when you’re alone instead of being glued to your phone and social media and when you’re with people, you give them your complete attention. Of course, you demand the same from them.

Aquarius

(January 21st to February 18th)

You are the curious introvert. You see the world as full of infinite possibilities and you never lost your sense of childlike wonder. You ask a lot of questions. You read a lot of books. You’re only interested in being around people who can talk with depth about the things that interest you.

Pisces

(February 19th to March 20th)

You are the artistic introvert. It’s totally natural for you to be on your own because you prefer to create your own world rather than exist in someone else’s. You’ve always done your own thing and your totally happy to be listening to great music and creating something by yourself. People are drawn to that and it’s a big of a lifelong struggle to carve out the life you want without being too influenced by those around you. TC mark

A Year End Letter To The Loves Of My (Writing) Life

Posted: 30 Dec 2016 09:36 PM PST

screen-shot-2016-12-27-at-7-58-20-pm

I write little letters instead of sending holiday cards mostly because I don't have a cute dog and I'm single and I think it would be weird to drop an irl selfie in the mail. I'm going to leave our dear founder's Google results alone and not mention him here by name but I remember signing his letter this year and I dashed off "thanks for being my champion + patron + bro." I didn't think about it while I was writing it but I’ve came back to it and let it sink in how important and rare each of those things are. I'm free to do good creative work because I am believed in and provided for and listened to. If you want someone to grow into the person they are supposed to be, all of these things are essential. As a person who probably cares most deeply in life about this specific venture, there’s no shortage of gratitude.

Kendra Syrdal is my family in one way or another. We're similar but not the same. We have the same values, but we challenge each other in execution (which is how you know you're meant to know someone). I always know a creative person is "for me" when they don't believe in writer's block. It's a litmus test for people I know aren't going to bullshit me. That's what I require of people in my tribe, to know that if I need them, they are adept and will run shit and I'd never have to worry at all. Kendra is also a blog mom who cares so much for her people it's actually insane. You could fuel a small town on the electricity of her protectiveness. Also, if I fail as a writer I'm going to produce nightmarishly captivating reality TV shows and I will poach her from TC so we can be Quinn and Rachel from Unreal.

The year after I met Mélanie Berliet I put her at the top of my Thanksgiving list of things I was grateful for. It was an experience that aligned me with the person I'm supposed to be. I'm thankful for Melanie's existence because she makes me feel normal — not in comparison, but because of the understanding that you can be weird and own it so casually and completely. If I could write Mélanie's Twitter bio for her I would say "The kind of person who gifts her coworkers weed lube. Adds negative chaos to all work trips/vacations."

Heidi Priebe does an almost impossible thing where she has an extremely marketable brand while being totally true to herself which makes me very jealous because almost every other creator on the entire planet has to pick between those two things. I actually have zero doubt that Heidi is going to write NYT best-sellers in the psychology space and that they are going to be so different and uplifting because she writes them with empathy and a grounded kind of positivity and in a way that is accessible to everyone.

Ari Eastman is a prolific and talented poet and embodies all of those things you think a poet should be: she's beautiful and fierce and mesmerizing in the depth you can sense is there. You're a kid sitting on a counter and you see and adult shut and lock a door and you know there is a world behind it that you want to see one day. Somewhere inside her, there is Narnia. There are decades to come here, to build up on what is already good. I think this is a name I will be excited to talk about working with one day, the way people talk about who they knew in New York in the 70's. I read Bloodline in one sitting and you should too.

Bianca Sparacino makes everything look easy, and happy. It's not intuitive, but watching her makes me believe in myself more. By just existing she can push you to be a better writer and a more curious creative. I want to inhabit the wholeness of 'chrissy' the way she is so fundamentally 'bianca'.

Jacob Geers wrote Being Christian is Gay is everything and if it had come out 10 years ago I would have bought it for everyone I knew. All I want is more voices like this telling the kind of personal stories that change people.

Rania Naim is a little bit magic because she showed up here one day and started writing essays and all of a sudden our whole reputation of being a list-driven site was gone because she'd ushered in this whole era of emotional essay writing. There was one month when our 8 most read articles weren't lists (rare for the internet) but positive (even rarer for the internet), vulnerable (do I have to go on?), honest pieces. This is how you know someone is supposed to do something. They show up and they do something that shouldn't work and people flock to them anyway. It's real. There's going to be an era where no one is talking about Elizabeth Gilbert and Cheryl Strayed because everyone is talking about Rania Naim.

Marisa Donnelly has a soft heart. Marisa will do the right thing in a given situation, she exudes this integrity. If I knew who the best-selling female Christian inspirational writer was right now, I’d tell you confidently that she’s going to lose her spot to Marisa one day.

Holly Riordan has so much power and potential as a writer it’s hard not to worry about how you’re going to keep up. I thought I was prolific until Holly came on staff. I thought I was edgy until Holly came on staff. But she doesn’t get a big head about any of it, she’s completely humble and just a stealth badass.

Kim Quindlen is the funniest writer we've ever had at TC. She’s so nice and not histrionic that you don’t expect her to actually be really talented at humor, which makes it that much more gratifying to laugh.

Nicole Tarkoff is incredibly sweet and someone you know is meant to create something every day in one medium or another. She’s the daughter of an artist (you can tell) and if I were here I wouldn’t be half as humble as she is.

Katie Mather is the little sister who became so much cooler than you it's not fair. She owns her weirdness and originates her own styles of writing (v rare). She wrote this list of generic boy names and why they are bad. It’s actually amazing.

Lauren Jarvis-Gibson who is incredibly kind and incredibly positive and Becca Martin who is totally fearless joined our staff this year and are both fundamentally hard-workers who ‘get’ the internet and how readers work — which are very rare qualities to find. I like being here at the beginning with them and watching them push themselves every day. It makes me super happy to see when their writing takes off, because I know it’s the result of focused effort.

And Jim and Dan our archivists and collectors, our Dev team and Sommer and Noelle who keep the lights on in a company full of people who definitely would not figure out how to keep the lights on on their own, Alex and Robbie and our sales team who are our literal patrons — you create a space for writers that is purely magic.

There's a poem I love about how occasionally (just occasionally) things actually do work out. Sheenagh Pugh's Sometimes:

Sometimes a man aims high, and all goes well… Some men become what they were born for.

Everyone, thank you for making me believe that this life is full of wonder and good things and people who become what they are meant to become. TC mark

An Instructional Guide To Fucking Me For My Husband

Posted: 30 Dec 2016 09:00 PM PST

jbmbcewroii-matheus-ferrero

MORNING

Wake me up in the morning with light kisses on my forehead. I will snuggle closer in to you and your heat, holding your body as close as I can to mine. Keep holding me, kissing me lightly intermittently. See if you can match the rhythm of my breath with yours. Let me wake up slowly, quietly.

When my eyes finally open and I look at you sleepily, smile gently at me and whisper good morning as your fingertips softly caress my back up and down. Let me warm to your touch, let my mind have time to make connections about where this could go.

Tell me you love me. Let your hands wander around the corners of my body, still stroking lightly. Let me feel your breath against my hair, warm and comforting. I will graze my fingertips over the skin of your chest, still working to lift the fog of sleep from my eyes.

Then, bring your hand up to my cheek, drawing it gently upward so that my lips are close to your lips and press deeply into me. Let me only feel the slightest wetness of your mouth, getting just the slightest taste of you. Stop me before it gets too much, before we get too ahead ourselves. Keep us from smothering the flame we've just sparked.

After our kiss, put your hand against my cheek, holding me with your warmth, reminding me that you are my protector, that you are my most intimate partner.

You will feel my cheeks soften in your palm as I smile, content but anticipating, grounded but heightened.

Let's stay like that for a while.

AFTERNOON

Come up front behind me as I'm making lunch and wrap your strong arms around my waist. Breathe the scent of my neck into you. Make my body sway slightly with yours.

Tell me then how you desire me, how you want me. Tease me by not going into detail—don't mention your cock or your hardness or how horny you are. Speak to the energy you feel building up for me in your body. Tell me how desire feels in your body, the sensations it's creating, the anticipation that's spreading. Tell me how it's driving you wild.

Move your arms from my waist slowly up to my chest, grazing my breasts with your fingers; make me wish you would've lingered there longer. Then, move up to my neck. Play with my clavicle. Caress my throat. Squeeze—just enough to remind me how strong you are, how you can restrain yourself to keep from harming me. Breathe against the back of my neck.

Then, turn me around to face you and look me into my eyes. Let me feel how grounded you are, let me feel your unshakable presence. I will put my hands onto your chest so that I can feel the steadiness of your breath which feels like it's holding us both in this moment.

Hold my hips with your hands and use them to help me press into you more so that I can feel the heat growing between us. Drop your face down so that our lips are just touching, then slowly. . . slowly. . . kiss me, letting me once again taste just a hint of you. Again, keep us from getting carried away, keep us from going too deep. Give me just a glimpse.

Make me feel like time has stopped in that moment, that you are in no hurry to get to a specific destination. Keep me wondering. Take a long as it needs to take.

Then, release yourself from me, grabbing my hand near the end so I can feel your warmth. Hold my gaze for a moment as you hold my hand, and with your eyes tell me what you will do to me the next time we meet.

EVENING

Use your eyes to direct me to you. And as I come toward you, watch me without looking away. Don't speak. Show me your desire for me on your face.

When I am close to you, pull me gently into you so that our bodies are touching. Let me melt into you. Then, kiss me deeply on the mouth. Don't hold back your wetness, your tongue; let me feel all of you, the depth of you. Give me permission to lose myself to my desire for you. Let me feel your desire for me.

Explore my body with your hands. Devour me with your lips, drink me up with your eyes. Let me feel seen and completely held by you. Let me feel safe to explore my arousal along with your body and the energy we've been cultivating all day.

Present yourself to me so that I can give pleasure to you. I am aroused by your arousal. Let me taste you.

Then, taste me. Use the tip of your tongue to explore me. Let me feel your hot breath against me, warming me up to you, getting me ready for you. Make your mouth soft for me. Tell me how I taste.

Take your time. Go slowly. Find a rhythm. Bring me to bliss steadily; build me up piece by piece. Give me an impression that you could stay all evening, that we could go all night like this. When you give me time, we won't have to wait long.

Take me to the edge of pleasure, but keep me from spilling over. I want all of my ecstasy to be saved for when you are inside of me, so you can feel the pulsations of my desire all around you. Just keep me hypnotized in this rhythm of pleasure enough that I'm nearly there.

Listen to my sounds, to the way I am breathing. When I am getting hotter, closer, you will hear it. And that is when I want you to take me. What was once soft and steady can now be given way to firmer and faster. Let your own body find its place in this new rhythm.

Don't stop. Don't stop. I will follow where you lead me. I will surrender to your direction. Let me surrender to you over and over and over. In my surrender, I will help you find yours.

And when the heat that we've exchanged has softened us completely, take me in your arms and hold me close to you. Let me feel the strength of your hands pressing into my body, grounding me; let me feel the sturdiness of your breath guide me to stillness.

Intertwine your legs with mine. Give me light kisses. Tell me you adore me, that I will always be safe to explore and find pleasure with you. Keep me in your warmth for as long as you can. Let me find comfort there.

I will dream of you while I sleep. TC mark

He’s Not Your Forever Person If You’ve Suffered Through These 13 Disappointments

Posted: 30 Dec 2016 08:00 PM PST

Twenty20, carlyseitz
Twenty20, carlyseitz

1. Canceled plans. You got all dressed up for him. You cleared your schedule. You even shaved. But at the last second, he canceled. Again. Without even giving you a solid excuse.

2. Unanswered messages. You’ve been staring at your phone for an hour, and still, no answer. You always reply to his messages as soon as they come through. You don’t understand why he waits so long to respond to yours.

3. Crappy gifts. You weren’t expecting diamonds or keys to a new car. But you were expecting a present that had a little thought put into it. Instead, he gave you a gift card. Or maybe he didn’t give you anything at all.

4. Unimpressed attitude. You spent a half-hour on your makeup and longer than you’d like to admit on your hair. But when he saw you, he didn’t pay you a single compliment. He didn’t appreciate any of the work you put into your appearance.

5. Being rejectedYou bought two tickets for a concert you’ve been dying to see. You wanted him to go with you, but when you asked him, he turned down the offer. He didn’t even think about it. He had no interest in going, even though he knew it would make you happy.

6. Drained happiness. You were super excited about your promotion — until you told him about it. Instead of being happy for you, he made it seem like your accomplishment wasn’t a big deal. His reaction ruined your entire mood.

7. Bad sex. You showed up at his door, hornier than ever. But, as usual, sex ended up being all about him. It might have been good for him, but it sucked for you.

8. Unfulfilled promises. He swore he’d take you on a road trip over the weekend, but when the weekend came, he had other plans. He forgot all about his promise. He never intended to follow through on it.

9. Fake expectations. At first, he acted like a total gentleman, always pulling out your chair and texting to see if you made it home safe. But now that he’s comfortable around you, he’s done a complete 180. It’s like he’s a different person. A scarier person.

10. Unfair surprises. He told you he’d take you on a beach trip — but he didn’t mention the catch. That all his friends (including his ex) would be there. You had no idea your romantic getaway was really just a group outing in disguise.

11. Being ignored. He was all over you in the car, but as soon as you reached the party, he started to ignore you. Whenever his friends are around, it’s like you don’t exist. Like you’re the least important person in the room.

12. Ingratitude. You were excited about cooking him dinner, but he didn’t even thank you for it. In fact, he barely ate it. Entirely ungrateful for the effort you put into making him happy.

13. Getting kicked out. You thought you’d have the chance to cuddle after sex. To talk until the sun came up. To wake up together and cook breakfast. Instead, he kicked you out before anyone got home.

14. Crying yourself to sleep. You were supposed to spend the entire day with him and fall asleep in his arms. Instead, you ended up crying yourself to sleep. And it isn’t the first time.

15. Getting led on. He took you out on dates. Flirted with you. Made you feel special. You would’ve sworn he liked you as much as you liked him, but now he’s gone. Now, he’s with another girl. TC mark

22 Industry Insiders And Pornstars Tell The Behind-The-Scenes Secrets Porn Viewers Don’t Want To Know (NSFL)

Posted: 30 Dec 2016 07:00 PM PST

Illustration by the amazing Daniella Urdinlaiz,
Illustration by the amazing Daniella Urdinlaiz.

Found at AskReddit and appearing here with permission. Be warned, this ain’t pretty. 

1. It’s More Than Just Enemas

Anal requires a lot of preparation, including but not limited to enemas, pre-fingering and eating a particular diet or skipping meals that day. ‘Surprise’ anal = you’re gonna have a bad time, from the top or the bottom.

There are a lot more ‘breaks’ to rest, recuperate and wait for the penetrating lead to get hard again than you would guess. Pretty much any time there is a cut in the editing from one angle to another.

Most ‘porn squirting’ (the kind where there are big gushes) is actually piss.

A lot of porn these days is filmed not on a dedicated set, but in the apartments/condos/vacation homes of directors and other industry folks that all trade with each other, for more variety. This is characteristic of the ‘pro-mateur’ style which is stylistically shaped to appeal to people who like amateur porn, but actually involves paid actors and more professional camera equipment, to maintain the illusion that it’s the couple’s own home.

Adult movie theatres/sex stores where men go to jack off and surreptitiously have sex with one another, are almost singlehandedly keeping the porn DVD industry alive.

Conversions on a paysite aren’t as high as you’d think they would be. Advertising and sponsorship are much bigger routes of income these days.

I just started doing porn this year, so there’s probably way more I still have to learn.

2. Some Ladies Just Don’t Care

I listened to an interview with Joanna Angel recently and she said that a lot of new actresses have raunchy smelling vaginas and don’t realize it or don’t care. So if she’s doing a scene where she has to go down on a girl with a stinky vag, she’ll stick her fingers in and then immediately put her fingers in the girls mouth. She said “if I have to taste it, you do too.”

I found it hilarious and disgusting.

3. Cleansing Is A Turnoff

A friend introduced me to Kapri Styles a few years ago when she was in NYC (and before the plastic surgery). After a few drinks and chatting it up, I remember her saying something like “you have no idea how long it takes to prep for a good anal scene. Oh god I’d never do anal again just because cleansing is such a turn off"

4. Porn Is Actually On The Bleeding Edge Of Safety And Tech

I’m an actual porn star (Ely Darling). Google me. ;)

Things I wish people would know about porn:

  • That we undergo a rigorous testing protocol called the PASS system in which we are tested every two weeks for a whole panel of the best STD tests on the market. Porn stars have a lower incidence of HIV than the general population.
  • That we don’t get royalties from porn. It’s a one-shot deal with a decent day rate but after that we don’t see residuals. People often think we’re loaded and it couldn’t be farther from the truth for most of us.
  • That we have a trade/lobbyist organization called the Adult Performer Advocacy Committee which is in the process of formulating a “stamp of approval” for companies who follow the Producer Code of Conduct and pledge to maintain ethics in their business practices. Edit: full disclosure, I serve on the board of directors of this organization.
  • That there was a study about something called The Damaged Goods Hypothesis which debunks many of the stereotypes you may have about us.

Edit: Also, there’s a *statute called 18 USC 2257 which regulates porn. Every porn scene you see distributed in the U.S. had a record for every performer they shoot including: -2 forms of Government ID (a photo of the IDs and a photo of the model holding their IDs) -a comprehensive model release -a “2257 release” that documents the performer’s previous names, stage names, aliases, SSN, birthdate, and other info. Next time you watch a porn where the performer is “tricked” into doing porn against her will, consider that she sat down to fill out alllll that paperwork before a single camera turned on.

Edit 2: I have to go to a meeting and also it’s my birthday so I might not answer much more but keep questions coming and I’ll do what I can!

Edit 3: Many people are referencing the Best Of post about Girls Do Porn. I can’t confirm or deny the woman’s story but I’ve passed the information on to the head of the Free Speech Coalition who is going to investigate and reach out to the company if they are found to be engaging in bad business practices.

Edit 4: Here is something I want other people in our industry to know, sparked by some discussion about HIV. We use a 14 day testing protocol because the tests we use have a 14 day window period of detection. (HIV RNA which tests for the RNA of the virus instead of antibodies, thus allowing us to discover positive serostatus far sooner than the average test you would get from a clinic). Previously (a few years ago) we all used a 30 day testing protocol. Some people think that 14 day protocol is superfluous and that the cost of our test ($155/165 in LA, more in other areas) is too much and that we should just abide by a 30 day testing protocol or settle for that if we feel like it. The reason why this is inadvisable is because the viral load of HIV in the first 14 days is relatively low, but after that there is something called a Viral Bloom in which the viral load increases exponentially and with it, your chances of contracting HIV. A few days may seem insignificant but it is actually very significant with regards to preventing the spread of the virus.

5. It Can Be Amazingly Awkward

I remember reading a similar thread where the scenes are truly shot as ‘scenes,’ meaning one thing doesn’t just lead to the next – there’s gaps in time. The point the person was making was that there’s usually time between the guy pulling out and the money shot where he’s standing there furiously masturbating for a few minutes in front of everyone watching and waiting for him to come. really fucking awkward.

CLICK TO THE NEXT PAGE…

23 Red Flags That The Person You Just Started Dating Is WAY Too Clingy

Posted: 30 Dec 2016 06:00 PM PST

Thought.is
Thought.is
Found on AskReddit.

1. When they talk about having kids even before you've said 'I love you.'

"Talks about your kids together before you’ve said 'I love you.'"

loverofaltmedicine


2. Double and triple texts because you don't answer within 30 seconds.

"Double and triple texts/calls just because I don’t answer within 30 seconds? Better step off, girl."

mooseaurua


3. When they're not OK with you not being available 24/7.

"If they text/call and you miss it for a legit reason, but they’re still upset with you…that’s a bad sign. A very bad one. A partner needs to be okay with you not being available 24/7."

somepeoplewait


4. When they try to make you jealous.

"If she tries to make me jealous. The fact that she thinks it’s OK to make me unhappy just so she can have a little confidence boost."

TheAnsweringMachine


5. When they tell you to stop talking to all your friends of the opposite sex.

"Tells you to stop talking to all of your female friends 'because they want to sleep with you.' (Most of my female friends have boyfriends or had boyfriends at the time, plus I don’t sleep with my friends. Went down that path once, never again.)"

LankTank101


6. Excessive social-media policing.

"'I saw you were on Facebook, why didn’t you like the picture I posted?'"

PM_ME_UR_ANUS_GIRL


7. When they try to interfere with you seeing your friends.

"Tries to interfere with you seeing your friends (usually by suggesting very fun alternatives at the start)."

ukhoneybee


8. When they make a big deal if you need to postpone a date.

"Making a big deal if you need to postpone a date. Life happens outside of just you, and if s/he can’t accept that then it’s a dead giveaway this is a high maintenance person."

i_am_just_a_number


9. When they passive-aggressively post memes or status updates about you without mentioning you by name.

"If they passive-aggressively post memes or statuses about something that you did without directly mentioning you, probably in the hopes that you will see it and message them about it. Just come to me directly with your problem. Don’t post another 'If you can’t handle me at my worst…' status…"

oonei028


10. When they act like a strict parent.

"When they act like a strict parent and forbid you from doing things (jealousy is something you can allow to pass, but a control-freak? lmao bye)."

triplecrong


11. Pushiness.

"Last night was the last straw after he kept trying to push me (or as he said 'suggest') that I come over even though I told him no. He spent an hour arguing with me about it and trying to make me feel guilty by letting me know the amount of times he’s come to my house even when he didn’t want to."

I_sniff_books


12. Extreme jealousy.

"If you mention a guy/girl friend’s name and your SO gets jealous, run. My ex was the extremely jealous type. Once he got mad at me because he imagined other guys talking to me. He was so insecure and sure of me cheating on him he cheated on me and threatened to make my life a living hell if I ever did the same. Sooooo get out while you can."

nyrrhtak


13. When they act like you're 'perfect' and they don't even know you.

"Always watch out for signs that they’re using you as an emotional dress-up doll. What I mean is, some people have that one perfect ideal they want to fall in love with, sometimes it’s a fantasy, sometimes it’s an actual ex they’re not really over. And in every new relationship, the first thing they’ll do is start projecting this image onto you, trying to force round pegs into square holes of why you’re just so 'perfect.' They’re basically trying to dress you up as their ideal instead of getting to know (and fall in love with) the actual, real you.

This kind of behavior is cute when you’re 14 and with your first bf/gf. When you’re adult it’s kind of psychotic. But almost everybody does it, and it’s considered normal. They call it the 'honeymoon' phase. And some people will actually actively encourage the delusions just because new love feels so nice.

Later when the illusion breaks down, the whole relationship all goes to hell. But if you watch out for these warning signs early on, you can usually manage to untangle yourself from a psychotic mess before it even starts."

thudly


14. When they don't let little stuff go.

"Not willing to let little stuff go/waiting for you to screw up. Last girlfriend would constantly assume the worst of me over the stupidest little thing….She could turn any sentence into a malicious attack on her character."

nightshiftfox13


15. When they can’t handle you having a different opinion.

"When they can’t handle you having a different opinion or minor problem with them. Anything from 'I’d rather you not call my work phone unless it’s urgent' to 'I’m not interested in seeing that band.' The clingy partner’s response to anything but perfect harmony is to freak out and either apologize incessantly for having a different perspective, or badger aggressively to try to get you to agree with them."

Quercus-palustris


16. When they try to dictate what you can and cannot do.

"I dated a guy who was more clingy than crazy, but more than anything was just super inexperienced at the whole 'dating thing.” (I was his first girlfriend and he was 27). He tried telling me I couldn’t listen to certain music because he got a bad feeling about it. This isn’t totally crazy since we’re both religious, but…no one tells me what I can and cannot do. Even my religious preferences. I CHOOSE to follow them. He also later accused me of not being supportive enough of his problems. Which was not at all true and also completely unfair if it was because my family was dealing with the fact that we had just found out my dad had a brain tumor (RIP). Again, I really don’t think he was TRYING to be manipulative and controlling and if I had the time and patience, I’d have taught him how to be better. But I didn’t. Partially because brain tumor dad and partially because I was his girlfriend, not his mother or babysitter. The breakup was amicable though."

not_a_library


17. When they ask if you think someone else of their gender is hot.

"Asking if I think a certain guy is hot is a warning sign for me. In my experience it’s done by insecure guys who may just be looking for something to use against me or whatever."

robotqt1


18. When they text 'Good morning' and 'Goodnight' every day after a first date.

"Texting 'Good morning' and 'Goodnight' every day after a first date. Also, the constant 'What are you doing?' Unless they have something to say to actually start a conversation, I find this constant checking-in annoying."

IncessantlyBored


19. When they want you to visit their church early on.

"Wanting you to visit their church very early on. They’re either trying to convert you or to get approval of their ‘church family.'"

LauraMiggs


20. When they get jealous and/or catty with your friends of the opposite sex.

"How they react/interact with my female friends is usually a telltale sign. If they get jealous or kind of catty, then that’s usually a sign of the crazies."
Uggs_are_ugly


21. When they show up uninvited while you're out with friends.

"When you’re out with friends and they show up uninvited or more or less dictate that you meet them."

TheShawnP


22. They make you choose between your friends/family and them.

"If anyone says to you, 'It’s your friends (and/or family) or me.' Always, always, always choose friends and family. And fuck them for even putting that ultimatum on you."

Peashout


23. When they start talking about how you'll live together in the future.

"If they start talking about how we’ll live together in the future. 14 when I dated her, she actually did this, as well as saying I love you too early. She pretty much planned to be a housewife for me, noped outta there."

marinkinn TC mark

You Should Absolutely Tell Him Goodbye If He Does These 11 Things To You

Posted: 30 Dec 2016 05:00 PM PST

Thought Catalog Tumblr
Thought Catalog Tumblr

1. He doesn’t support you. He’s always trying to talk you out of the things you really want to do and it in turn it makes you decide not to pursue it. You can be over the top excited about and idea you have, but as soon as he tells you it’s stupid you just drop it. That’s not how it should be, he should be supporting you in every way.

2. He doesn’t respect your friends. He always talks about how much he hates your friends in front of you and it makes you feel really crappy about it. He doesn’t give them a chance and he doesn’t forgive them for something stupid they do, instead he hangs it over their heads and constantly talks down to them.

3. He doesn’t respect your family. He doesn’t make an effort to get to really know them and love them. He will talk negatively about them to you and even talks down to them in front of them. He just has no manners, but you let him do it or maybe you tell him to stop, but he doesn’t. The least he should do is fake it.

4. He doesn’t include you with his friends. He makes his own plans with his friends and he doesn’t even have the decency to tell you, let alone invite you. He just expects you to be okay with it.

5. He makes degrading jokes about you in front of his friends. When he does ask you to come along it’s a lot of offensive jokes that you don’t find funny at all. He hurts you and when you ask him about it he tells you he was just joking and that you shouldn’t take things so personally.

6. He holds you to double standards. He will get mad at you for not doing something that he would never do or he gets mad that you went out with your friends when he goes out with his friends all the time. That’s not fair to you at all and there should be no double standards in your relationship.

7. He talks down to you about your career. He tells you it’s not real work because it doesn’t involve manual labor or it just isn’t something he thinks you should be a career. He always makes comments about how you might sit down all day at work so there’s no way you could be tired. He makes you feel like you can never vent about something bad that happened because he’s just going to put it down anyways.

8. He treats you like you’re incapable of doing things on your own. It’s not even nice at this point, he just acts like you can’t do anything without him. He doesn’t trust you on your own because he thinks you will mess it up and he’s the only one who can do any manual work right. He blames you every time things go wrong because he assumes it must have been something you touched and now he’s left to clean it up.

9. He doesn’t let things go. Maybe you accidentally left the oven on after you were just busy making him dinner and he freaks out about it. He keeps bringing it up in conversation about how you could have burnt the house down or that he can’t believe you did something so stupid, when it wasn’t even on for that long. He just finds reasons to attack you and doesn’t let up.

10. He apologizes then continues to do the same thing over again. He tells you he’s sorry because he knows that is what you want to hear but he doesn’t necessarily mean it and he doesn’t change his behavior at all. You don’t want to be with someone you can’t trust and know he doesn’t mean the words he says. He just tells you what you want to hear then goes and does whatever he wants anyway, that isn’t cool especially if you plan on sticking with him for the long haul. It will just leave you feeling disappointed time and time again.

11. He never can have a serious talk about how he’s making you feel. You’re upset and all you want is for him to take you seriously about how you feel and he doesn’t. He just tells you you’re overreacting and he’s not doing anything wrong. He can’t see how his behavior is affecting you and he also doesn’t care enough to try to change it. TC mark

The Single Sentence That Reveals Your Most Intimate Fear, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Posted: 30 Dec 2016 04:00 PM PST

Thought.is
Thought.is

Aries: March 21st – April 19th

Feeling the sizzle slowly fade out of your relationship and having it replaced by a dull comfort that you know will lead to a mundane life of repetition.

Taurus: April 20th – May 20th

Letting your lingering love for your ex blind you, causing you to miss out on the worthwhile romantic opportunities right in front of you.

Gemini: May 21st – June 20th

Fucking everything up on a whim and then instantly regretting it, but having no way to successfully win that person back, because you’ve lost their trust.

Cancer: June 21st – July 22nd

Agreeing to marry the wrong person, but finding out long after you’ve already settled down with them and have created a life that would feel empty without them.

Leo: July 23rd – August 22nd

Being replaced by someone younger and prettier than you, even though you thought your ‘forever person’ loved you for more than your beauty and wasn’t some shallow cliche of a man.

Virgo: August 23rd – September 22nd

Ignoring all of the red flags and ending up with a narcissistic sociopath that tries to control your every move by smothering your independence.

Libra: September 23rd – October 22nd

Missing out on a legitimate chance at love, because you took too long to make a move and your object of affection ended up with somebody else.

Scorpio: October 23rd – November 21st

Letting your insecurities get the best of you and purposely pushing away the one person that you were meant to hold close for eternity.

Sagittarius: November 22nd – December 21st

Dying alone, because your fear of commitment keeps warning you to end relationships before they become serious, which means you never last more than six months with someone.

Capricorn: December 22nd – January 19th

Being cheated on for months — or even years — without realizing it, because you senselessly trusted your partner to treat your heart with as much respect as you’ve been giving them.

Aquarius: January 20th – February 18th

Being dumped by someone you had legitimate feelings for, based on shitty reasoning, like that you gained a little weight and aren’t as ‘fun’ as you used to be at the start.

Pisces: February 19th – March 20th

Realizing that the person you’re madly in love with doesn’t feel as strongly as you do about the relationship — that they’d rather remain friends than lovers. TC mark

22 Real-Life Horror Stories From The ICU

Posted: 30 Dec 2016 03:00 PM PST

Wikimedia Commons
Wikimedia Commons
Found on AskReddit.

1. They peeled back a roll of fat, and she had a swarm of maggots eating through her rotting skin.

"My mom’s an ICU nurse.

One day, they had a morbidly obese woman come in with 'bad stomach pains.' After bringing her in, they went to examine her…

…They peeled back a roll of fat, and she had a swarm of maggots eating through her rotting skin. It turns out that she didn’t wash. She constantly got food all over her, which turned rancid.

I respect medical professionals."

TheCollegeStruggle


2. An eight-year-old girl bleeding from her vagina.

"A month ago or so I was posted to the night shift in the ER, usual shit was going on, I was monitoring a stroke patient when this guy brings in an 8-year-old girl bleeding from her vagina and she was put on a stretcher, I go to see this girl her face had turned pale and when we lift her skirt up her underwear was bloody with blood stains everywhere on the insides of her skirt, it was an obvious case of sexual assault, there were no other injuries on either the girl or the ‘father’, she was petrified and flinched at every touch, the man claimed to her father and said it was an road traffic accident and she fell of his bike, the doctor assigned to her filed a medico legal case on the spot and shifted her to the gynecology ward. The look on that girl's face haunts me to this day."

Insify


3. Green stuff begins bubbling out.

"ICU. John Doe, unconscious, threadiest pulse ever & stinking to high heavens. Throw him on everything we’ve got & losing the battle. Wash him up a bit, still stinks even with the usual tricks. Suddenly hear a fart-like noise, green stuff begins bubbling out, & he literally deflates as he goes into asystole. That distended belly was gas from his gut being nothing but rot.

Didn’t make it, obviously."

draconian_moth


4. He had a solid poop/sunflower seed plug right in his butthole.

"This guy says he ate a 3-pound bag of sunflower seeds INCLUDING the shells. He was constipated and pain in his rectum. He had a solid poop/sunflower seed plug right in his butthole. Said he had not had a bowel movement in a week and couldn't poop it out. The whole area of the EC smelled of hard stale poo.

We don't typically spoon poop out of people anymore because for fuck's sakes it's a level one trauma center. But seeing as how far he had gone we spooned out the poop."

Banana-balls


5. His partner had been putting a frozen fish in his anus.

"A friend who is an ER physician told me about a gay man that came in because his partner had been putting a frozen fish in his anus.

The problem was, when it heated up there, the fins fanned out. This made it impossible to remove without surgery. Think like an arrow going in, and trying to pull it straight back out without serious damage.

This was just one of a wild assortment of objects that are placed in a place they’re not meant for."

SalesAutopsy


6. Have had someone on many occasions wake up on the vent and mouth 'KILL ME' to me.

"Have had someone on many occasions wake up on the vent and mouth 'KILL ME' to me. Was once in hydrotherapy when a patient was trying to tongue out his ETT so he would die.

I have seen many terrible things. ICU psychosis makes everything a lot worse. Talking to people who aren’t there, fist-fighting with your nurse, etc. I have also had friends with PTSD after being in an ICU."

Buried_in_the_wake


7. The 'Man in Black.'

"ICU nurse. Something that has been experienced by multiple patients of mine, is the ‘man in black’. Patients who aren’t doing well and are still able to talk will often ask about the ‘man in black’.

He’s standing in the corner, by the edge of the bed, looking out the window, staring at them. He’s not doing anything, but something about the look of him puts them on edge. The man in black doesn’t have favorites, most recently he visited a priest.

I should start keeping statistics of who he comes for and how many make it through. I wonder if when my time comes I’ll see him just because I know he’s there."

balancedinsanity


8. If they start talking to Jesus, you need to get ready for something bad.

"People that start talking to their dead mother or see the light…75% chance they are going to go down. If they start talking to Jesus, you need to get ready for something bad. I don't care if they are eating, ambulatory, and stable……we see this in the unit all the time. Some old man recovering nicely starts saying 'mamma mamma I’m coming home' is not just singing Ozzy.

Also, and I know it sounds like 'no shit' thing to say, if some looks at you and says 'I’m dying' no matter what the vitals are or what has been going on, take that shit seriously.

No one teaches this in Med school."

tdimaginarybff


9. Lady masturbates with fish, forgot to take it out.

"I am a General Physician working in a General Hospital….Lady came by because she had 'weird smell and secretion' coming from her vagina. No biggie. Start examining her when the stench of rotten fish hits me on my face. White-Grayish secretion flows out. Put my hand in there, reach deep and pull out a dead fish. Lady masturbates with fish, forgot to take it out."

yosol


10. Dude lost his dick and balls during a jet-skiing accident but had them reattached.

"My wife was a CNA for a while in Post-Operation. She used to come home with all kinds of grisly stories.

My favorite was a guy who got castrated while jet skiing. Dude was out jet skiing and crossed a tubers line without knowing it. He caught his junk on the line and it castrated him, dick and balls full stop. Anyhoo, this dude proceeds to fish his fucking junk out of the river he was in, ride his jet ski home, put his package on ice, call an ambulance and call in to work the next day. They managed to reattach the whole kit and kaboodle and it worked just fine."

beve21


11. A poor kid was now a paraplegic but didn't know yet.

"A poor kid who was now a paraplegic but didn't know yet because his parents hadn’t come and they were waiting to tell him."

Boston_Red_Sox


12. Drug addict, high on opiates used an X-Acto knife to cut between the shaft of the penis and the inside of his cock head.

"Drug addict, high on opiates used an X-Acto knife to cut between the shaft of the penis and the inside of his cock head. Essentially making it so the head was separate from the main structure of the shaft, but was still connected by tissues at the tip, kind of like when a strong wind turns an umbrella inside out. He then used those low quality rough brown paper towels you see in public restrooms, and stuffed it underneath the partially de-gloved head to stem the blood flow."

Name Withheld


13. 'Why is there a dead body here?'

"ICU nurse here. Some people tell me they don’t remember anything after waking up from a coma. Some people can hear what’s going on but are just unable to respond. Some people have delirium and it feels like a constant scary dream.

I had one patient who was not technically in a coma, but had delirium. He was waiting for a lung transplant. I admitted him into my room three hours after a woman died and we removed her body. He delirious man asked me: 'who’s that woman standing by the window?' 'Why is there a dead body here?' 'Can you please ask the team of people to leave so I can sleep?' (no one was there except me and him) And various other periods of talking to 'other people in the room'

At one point he insisted that we had lungs for him, but didn’t want to give them to him and we actually just wanted him to die (the real story is that we had lungs for him, he was told that he would be getting his transplant and was brought to the OR…. only to find out that the lungs actually weren’t usable. But he didn’t believe us)

He eventually got his lungs and healed 100%. Afterwards he told us all sorts of things that he thought was going on. Says it felt like real life, but he knows it was just a dream.

Many people actually get PTSD from being in an ICU patient. :("

ImAFuckinLady


14. I once saw a woman take a bite out of her own log of shit like it was a chocolate bar and then proceed to lick/suck the remnants off each finger.

"I work in a dementia home and I once saw a woman take a bite out of her own log of shit like it was a chocolate bar and then proceed to lick/suck the remnants off each finger.

She asked me and my friend from down the hallway if we had a tissue for her, and we went ‘what is that?’ And she said it was chocolate, and having given out chocolate brownies on the tea round earlier we believed her. My friend went to give her a tissue as I went to the kitchenette. My friend then approached me looking deathly pale and stammered out ‘that, is not chocolate’ I approached the woman and was hit by the foulest dog shit smell (you know it’s bad when human shit smells like dog shit), and this woman’s hands were covered in shit stains and another colleague had apprehended her and wrapped the log in a napkin. She said she would take over as both me and my friend who had physically watched the woman take a bite of it began to pale as the realization set in – I made it to the toilet but my friend just puked straight up onto the floor. Other colleague took the woman for a shower and when I was still gathering myself at the bottom of the stairs I heard ‘Shall we brush your teeth now Sheila? I think we should’, which I couldn’t help but laugh at the time, despite how rotten the whole debacle was."

stubrador


15. His brains were spillin' out.

"Had a guy walk into the ambulance bay and shoot himself in the head. That woulda been it if they didn’t find the note hinting at a bomb in his car, so they wrapped up his head with Kerlix and sent him up to the ICU while his brains were spillin' out."

alertedbreadV3


16. His eyelids were sewn shut at the time.

"I work in a burn unit, so unfortunately we have to keep our larger burns sedated for longer periods of time—a month for some people.

The ICU delirium experienced by some of these people is out of control.
Had one guy, maxed on our 'standard ICU protocol' of sedation get out of bed, ripping his arterial line out (spraying blood all over in the process) and walk over to the window—it looked like he was trying to jump out of the window according to the nurse that caught him. His eyelids were sewn shut at the time."

DeLaNope


17. His boyfriend and him were experimenting and poured cement up his butt.

"I was Healthcare IT so these are not firsthand but have been told to me by the nurses and doctors.

Two gay guys come to the ER one says he has something stuck up his butt. Won't really say what it was to the triage nurse. Once they get him in a room he finally spills what it is. His boyfriend and him were experimenting and poured cement up his butt."

yellowcheese


18. He had no skin around his penis and testicles and would never have a functioning penis ever again.

"My wife is a nurse and until recently worked in A&E. One story that sticks out is a heroin user who was admitted due to an infection from injecting into his groin. The result of this was that the skin around his genitals had become severely necroted and had to be removed. This meant that he had no skin around his penis and testicles and would never have a functioning penis ever again. The sad thing is that this was unlikely to be a wakeup call and he will continue to use heroin."

therealgingerone


19. He woke up with an erection, ripped sutures and pouring blood.

"Not a clinical doctor anymore, but during my junior house officer (equivalent to USA intern post I think, first year after qualifying), I was working on an adult surgical ward. We had a young man, early 20s, coming in for a circumcision (where I am boys aren’t circumcised routinely). For some reason, he didn’t want his parents to know, but he lived with them. The surgeon arranged for him to come in as a day patient rather than stay overnight and he was discharged later the same day with strict instructions not to get an erection until things had healed up a bit. He was given medication to help with this (I want to say valium, but it was 20 years ago). He got home, fell asleep on the couch without taking any medication and woke up with an erection, ripped sutures and pouring blood. He was brought back in by ambulance to the surgical ward. The surgeon at the time was on call from home, and as the junior doctor on the ward I had to stand there with my hand wrapped firmly around the poor man’s willy applying pressure to stop the bleeding as best I could. It was a very awkward 15 minutes until my senior arrived."

chubalubs


20. 'HE’S HERE! HE’S HERE TO TAKE ME!'

"STNA here. Worked in an Alzheimer ward at a nursing home for Catholic nuns. One of the nuns was close to death, and she hadn’t really talked much, was always lost in her own mind. Anyway, she started screaming stuff like 'HE’S HERE! HE’S HERE TO TAKE ME!' and 'I can’t go to heaven because I sinned.' We would ask her if she wanted to confess her sins to a Father, and finally she said yes. Apparently before she joined the church, she had molested an infant, and it caused the infant to die. (I’m not sure how, she didn’t go into detail). She kept repeating that Satan was trying to drag her to Hell and that God was letting him. Found out later that her father had molested her up to 15 years old. It was really sad and scary. She was seriously terrified."

supermacabre


21. Last night I entered a room to find my patient in a blood pool, shit looked like a scene from Dexter.

"Last night I entered a room to find my patient in a blood pool, shit looked like a scene from Dexter. Patient was apparently bleeding from his hemodialysis catheter, and a kitchen knife was on the scene. There was so much blood the bathroom floor was half red. Apparently, his catheter was purposefully severed. We went with compressions and orotracheal epinephrine because of the lack of vascular access. There was actually no coming back as he lost so much blood. Police was called and we are waiting for forensic conclusions but it was probably self-inflicted. He had no history of mental instability except for recently started seizures and the confusion that usually follows. His family was warned not to leave him alone. He was 67."

a_guy_with_a_plan


22. My patient's catheter bag was filled with a dark grey sludge, the consistency of cake frosting.

"Once my patients' Foley bag (catheter bag) was filled with a dark grey sludge, the consistency of cake frosting. Turned out she was in complete kidney failure and the toxins had spilled into the bladder.

I have never been so bewildered in my life."

kelsimichelle TC mark

You Don’t Know Me Half As Well As You Think You Do

Posted: 30 Dec 2016 01:00 PM PST

Unsplash, Pablo Charnas
Unsplash, Pablo Charnas

People don’t want to hear the truth, because they don’t want their illusions destroyed. This is the saddest part of being human. We tend to think inside the box, when in fact things are so much better outside of it.

It’s okay. You can judge me. It’s your prerogative.

The thing is, you don’t know what I’ve been through, what I’ve failed to do, what I’m planning to accomplish, and what I am currently into right now. All you know is my name, what is written in my bio, what you saw in my feed, and what others told you. If you think that’s enough for you to disturb my serenity, go ahead. But know that I won’t stoop down to your low level. And also know that you’re terribly wrong, funny, and desperate.

Just because I don’t react, doesn’t mean I didn’t notice. Not saying anything is the best response, for silence can never be misquoted.

Stay away from toxic people. They comment on the smallest flaw or perceived imperfection. They drag up your past and won’t allow you to be different. They act as if they are fabulous and never make mistakes.

They leave you feeling guilty and ashamed of who you are. They are critical, they are controlling, and they don't think about your needs. They leave you feeling beaten, wounded, bruised, and torn. They don’t care about your feelings and they like to see you suffer. It’s always about them and what they think, what they want, what they feel. These people are helpless and should be ignored.

Nothing in life is random — nothing is accidental. Everything happens for a reason and things happen when they have to. You don’t have to fight that. The less you respond to negative people, the more peaceful your life will become. 

When I was younger, I used to admire intelligent people. But as I mature, I’ve realized that kind people are worth admiring more.

Oftentimes, we need to be stepped onto and to be hurt in order to grow. Some lessons are actually learned best through pain. Not everyone will understand you, but the ones that do are enough.

Be careful who you open up to. Only a few people actually care. The rest want something to gossip about.

Listen, you’ll end up disappointed if you think people will do for you as you do for them. Not everyone has the same heart as you. You can’t please everybody. A little less judgement and a little more kindness will make you more attractive.

After all, nothing is permanent, so don’t stress yourself too much. No matter how bad the situation is, it will pass and it will eventually change.

Darling, please do yourself a big favor. Don’t shrink who you are to make other people comfortable. Don’t let anyone manipulate you or judge your life’s decisions. Don’t lower your standards to fit in. Find courage from yourself and keep going.

Finally, say this out loud: “I put zero weight into anybody else’s opinion. I respect their freedom of speech, but will avoid their pathetic judgement, because they don’t know me as much as I do.” TC mark