Thought Catalog

When You’re Tired Of Being The Sexy Woman

Posted: 06 Dec 2016 09:00 PM PST

Women are often categorized in one of two ways when it comes to aesthetics: we're either sexy or cute.

We usually know which one we are, and oftentimes strive to be the opposite, i.e. sexy women want to be cute and cute women want to be sexy.

This categorization might seem harmless compared to everything else women are called. However, these labels have roots in a much deeper issue regarding the sexualization of women.

I have never been the cute type. I've always been the sexy woman who wanted to be cute. At the fresh age of 10, I was blessed with puberty and cursed with the curves of a woman. Actually, I enjoyed them at first, but it took me no longer then a few months to wants them gone. That is when I realized that looking like a woman meant people assumed I was one. When I realized that, wearing my first bra – even a pink one with cat prints on it – meant I was ready to be a sexual being. It meant I was ready for objectifying looks, unwanted grabs, de-humanizing cat-calling, stolen kisses, slut-shaming, and scary walks to the back parking lot because "he just wants to talk."

And so, with all the pressure and expectations for me to be a sexy woman, I kind of became one. At the age of 10, knowing nothing else, I tried to grow into what I thought I should be. I tried to stretch into a mold I couldn't possibly fit in. I'd kiss boys and try not to flinch when they touched me. I'd tell my girlfriends about my sexual explorations as if I had an amazing time when, in reality, I thought it was kind of gross. I'd talk to 32-year-old men about sex and masturbation as if it was the latest on Teen World. I'd hold it together when older dudes would hold my hand against their crotch when we were kissing, only to spend the rest of the week cringing at the thought of it.

In reality, I didn't want to kiss anyone, didn't want to feel any boners, didn't want any grabs, didn't want any "compliments." I just wanted to be a cute girl, a respected girl, a fun girl, a loving girl. But I couldn't, because, no matter how hard I tried, I still looked like a sexy woman.

And I did try hard. Growing up, I would change schools often. And every one or two years, when that would happen, I'd try to be the new, cute girl. I'd push my breasts down with sports bras, speak softly, and stay away from boy trouble. I'd think to myself, "maybe if I'm really clear that I just want to be friends, they'll leave me alone." And for a few weeks, it would work. I would start believing that, maybe this time, I'd be the cute girl.

And then, a boy would happen. All it would take is one boy, wanting to validate his masculinity badly enough to do something disrespectful and uncalled for.

Back then, disrespect looked like butt grabs, name calling, boob jokes, and just-get-in-the-fucking-car trips. And after the first display of disaffection, the reputation I was trying so hard to build would go down the drain. From cute girl to sexy woman in one painful second.

Suddenly, all boys thought it was okay to treat sexy women that way. Hello to more butt grabs, more name-calling, more boob-jokes. Goodbye to seeing me as a potential friend (or even girlfriend), hello to seeing me as a potential to get them off.

Yes, I was no longer girlfriend material. Because sexy, sensual, slutty women don't make good girlfriends when you're young – cute girls do.

Eventually, I would get tired of fighting and accept my reoccurring fate as a sexy woman. From age 10 to, well, now. At 21, I'm still a sexy woman, and even though displays of disaffection might look different nowadays, the disrespect remains. I am still dehumanized by words and actions that try to control my sexual expression. I am still objectified by the male gaze. Misogynistic societal structures still don't recognize the fact that I have sovereignty over my own body.

The only thing that has changed is my reaction to the labels placed upon me and all women alike. I have grown to not let them affect me as much. Mostly because, I am no longer a girl pretending to be a woman.

I no longer let my sexual expression be defined by someone else's idea of what is appropriate, or what is exciting. I no longer believe I have to tame my sensuality in order to be respected. I no longer see my curves as a cruel temptation to a male's uncontrollable sexual appetite.

I no longer think that, just because I don't get labeled as cute, I can't call myself cute. I am cute as fuck. I am also sexy as fuck. I am all the things I want to be and some I'm still learning to accept.

I can only speak for my now experience as a sexy woman. And though I have romanticized the life of a cute girl in the past, I know it comes with its own challenges and tribulations. I've heard you had issues coming into your sensuality. I've heard you had a hard time realizing your womanhood. I've heard you felt awkward dancing, or flirting, or exploring intimacy because you were once told you were not sexy. I've heard you had trouble being outspoken, or decisive, or building boundaries, because you were expected to be a sweet, soft-spoken, cute girl.

And may I leave you with this: you are cute as fuck; but you are also sexy as fuck. TC mark

33 Shitty Things You Should Never Do To A Woman You Actually Care About

Posted: 06 Dec 2016 08:00 PM PST

Unsplash, Toa Heftiba
Unsplash, Toa Heftiba

1. Flirt with her for weeks, or even months, and then completely drop out of her life without giving her a reason why.

2. Text her nonstop, but come up with shitty excuses to bail on her whenever she asks you to hang out in person.

3. Ask her to be friends with benefits when you know that she has strong feelings for you and will blindly agree to anything you say.

4. Kiss her, or even fuck her, and then tell her that they’re not ready for a relationship.

5. Make her question her own sanity by sending her a shitload of mixed signals.

6. Pressure her into having sex with you by making her feel guilty or like she owes you something, when really, she doesn’t owe you a single thing.

7. Cheat on her instead of doing the classy thing and breaking up with her before fucking somebody else.

8. Get her excited by sending the first text, and then ignore her as soon as she responds.

9. Purposely get her blackout drunk, because you think that it’ll raise your chances of getting to sleep with her.

10. Make her feel like shit for developing feelings for you, even though you led her on for months.

11. Cancel plans with her at the last second, even though she already showered, shaved, and did her makeup for you.

12. Say the one thing that you know will shatter her heart, because you like having that sort of power over her.

13. Swear that you’ll never do anything to hurt her, and then do everything to hurt her.

14. Flirt with her and leave out the fact that you already have a girlfriend.

15. Call her a bitch or a slut when you’re angry at her.

16. Flirt with other women in a strange attempt to make her jealous.

17. Have unprotected sex with her, even though you’ve been sleeping around and probably have a STD that you don’t know about.

18. Ask her to get dinner with you, but make it unclear if it’s a date or if you’re just hanging out as friends.

19. Ask her for nudes, save them, and show them to everyone you know.

20. Have sex with her without even trying to make her orgasm.

21. Stalk her, insult her, or send her death threats, just because she turned you down and you don’t know how to handle it like a gentleman.

22. Stare at your phone the entire time that you’re with her.

23. Make her feel like she’s not as pretty as your ex.

24. Accuse her of being on her period whenever she feels comfortable enough to express her emotions around you.

25. Comment on her weight or how much she’s putting on her plate.

26. Leave her for someone close to her, like her sister or her best friend.

27. Treat her like an object you keep around to fuck instead of an actual human being.

28. Ditch her for your friends.

29. Attempt to control how much body hair she waxes and which clothing she wears.

30. Refuse to tell her whom you’re with or where you’re going, even though you’re supposedly in a serious relationship with her.

31. Curse her out whenever you get the slightest bit upset.

32. Make her wonder if you’re worth the effort.

33. Break her heart out of nowhere. TC mark

I’ve Never Been A ‘Casual Sex’ Kind Of Girl, But You Bring Out The Naughty In Me

Posted: 06 Dec 2016 07:00 PM PST

Jesse Herzog
Jesse Herzog

I’ve never been one to go looking for casual sex. It’s not something I think about, not something I’m actively trying to pursue. And it’s not that I have some hard stance on it (not pro or anti), but on the few occasions I’ve rolled around with someone who didn’t give me heart flutters, it always ended the same way.

I felt weird.

Not weird because I regretted it or felt ashamed. Weird because I felt…nothing. Like this carnal act we’d just done, this thing that is as close as two human beings can possibly get, felt as ordinary as brushing my teeth.

I don’t like that feeling.

The men never notice. I can’t really blame them. Who wouldn’t confuse loudness for enthusiasm? Trust me, I can kiss you like you’re the most important person I’ve ever kissed. And every time, you’ll think no one has made me moan like you so effortlessly did. Every time, you’ll marvel at how our bodies became one and never once will it cross your mind that, maybe, I’m just a good actress.

In kindergarten, after a rousing performance as the Grandmother in our school’s production of Little Red Riding Hood, people rushed to crowd my mother and gush over my raw talent. There I was, a tiny tot, and totally nailed the part of an elderly woman.

Make no mistake, if I want to convince you of something, I can.

But that’s not what I think when I look at you.

I’m not as naive as I let some people believe. I can spot intentions a mile away, and yours are just as dirty as mine. You’re everything I say I don’t want, but when it’s 1 am and you text me, I can feel all my blood pulsing.

I don’t think this is the beginning of a romance we will tell our future children.

I don’t think this is the kind of thing I’ll bring home to my mother for Thanksgiving. But when you’re there and looking at me with those hungry eyes (Eric Carmen reference too out-dated?), I’m dying to learn every inch of your body.

You aren’t “man I marry.” But right now, you’re something so much better. You’re electricity and the baby hairs at the nape of my neck standing at attention. You’re too much wine in my stomach and messages that turn my cheeks the color of the cab I’ve been drinking.

Is this what you do? Do women hand themselves to you on a silver platter, hungry and begging for more? Are you a witchcraft I wasn’t prepared to be so spellbound by?

I can’t put it into words. And as a writer, I fucking hate that. But whenever you talk to me, I want to taste your entire life. I want to forget I ever said, “I’m not a casual sex kind of girl.” TC mark

21 Men And Women Who Killed In Self Defense Share Exactly What Life Is Like Knowing They Killed Someone

Posted: 06 Dec 2016 06:00 PM PST

via Flickr - Geoffrey Fairchild
via Flickr – Geoffrey Fairchild

1. Eight Year Old Saves His Mother

When I was 8 years old we lived out in a farm house in an orchard, the nearest “town” was about ten minutes away and my dad was working far enough away that he stayed away during the week. One morning I heard my mom yelling and I thought I had missed the bus so I got out of bed and saw a naked man hitting her and trying to grab her, he was out in a bender and had just walked to the nearest lights and broken in, our dog was barking and nipping at him but she wasn’t a trained attack dog or anything. I ran back into my room and grabbed a little .22 bolt action my dad had given me and the ammo he made me keep separate and loaded it, it seemed like it took forever to load those 5 shots. I ran outside following the dog barking and saw him dragging my mom by her hair, I remember trying to be steady like I had been taught but I just fired over and over again, I didn’t know it at the time but 3 of the 5 hit him and he was later found by the police after someone dropped him anonymously at a hospital about an hour away with one of the bullets lodged in his lung.

At that age I had a hard time processing it mainly because the state mandated I see a counselor and she kept insinuating I should feel all kinds of emotions I wasn’t, which made me feel like there was something wrong with me. In the end I just feel lucky that I was brought up by parents who trusted me and spent time teaching me never to panic.


2. Teen Stops Home Invasion

This was back in 2003, I was 14 at the time. I was visiting my aunt & uncle in Texas for my 2 week christmas break. We were all supposed to go out to my cousins baby shower but I came down with the chicken pox. Being young at the time, I didn’t want to go anyways. I convinced them to go without me. Ended up playing halo for a few hours in the master bedroom when I heard a window shatter and the alarm start going off. I remembered that my uncle kept a gun behind the TV so I grabbed it. It was some kind of revolver, no idea what kind. All I know is that the hammer was really hard to pull back.

What seemed like 5 minutes later I hear someone coming up the stairs and yelled at him to go away and that I had a gun, Being so young though I had the voice of a little bitch and the guy probably thought I was bullshitting. When he got to the top of the stairs I fired once and the recoil made me drop the gun, But I think I hit him somewhere since he fell backwards down the stairs. I never found out how the guy died, but I hope it wasn’t from the gunshot. I called 911 and some time later the police came.

It turns out that this guy got out of prison a few days before. The guy was a drunk and managed to hit some delivery guy on a bike during one of his drunk driving routines, my uncle was his defense attorney, Turns out that its pretty hard to defend someone when there is security camera footage of you running some guy over and driving away. Guessing that he blamed my uncle for the 5 years he spent in jail and decided to get revenge.


3. Zero Regrets

Back in 2012 two men busted in my back door. It took them a few minutes as it was a metal door on a metal frame with sturdy hinges and a lock. One of the guys was probably 6′ 6″ and pretty large; he was finally able to break it off the hinge with a crowbar. When I heard them start hammering on the door I told my wife to call the police and lock herself and our baby behind two doors and I went out into the hallway with a shotgun. I kept yelling at them to leave and that the cops were coming and that I was armed – they kept coming. Eventually I heard a pop and the banging stopped and I knew they were through. I told them in no uncertain terms that if I saw them in my house, I was going to kill them.

A few seconds later they came around the corner both holding what appeared to be weapons and I shot the bigger one twice in the chest. The other one just stood there confused, probably trying process what in the hell had just happened. He took one step towards me and I shot him as well. Police showed up about two minutes later – both died at the scene. One had a knife and duct tape, the other had the crowbar. I later found out that the larger one was wanted for some sort of manslaughter charge because he killed his girlfriend a state over.

I have zero regrets about that night. They had multiple chances to leave and I have no doubt that they would have hurt my family if I had not stopped them.


4. Wife Beater Meets His Match

This was about 2004-2006. I don’t remember the exact year anymore.

I killed a guy that tried to break into my apartment because he was wanting his wife that he had just beat the shit out of.

2am. I hear them arguing. I could hear it through my bathroom wall. I shut my bathroom then bedroom to drown it out.

2:15am. She’s banging on my door, broken nose, left eye swollen, and limping from tripping and falling to get out of the apartment. Told her to go to the bathroom, clean herself up, then hide in my bedroom.

Husband comes out of the apartment, yelling her name, and he notices her blood trail to my apartment. Starts banging on my door, yelling to let him in. I warned him 3 times that he doesn’t stop, I will kill you. He kicks the lock on the door, door swings open, and I swing my baseball bat down onto his head.

He falls to the ground stunned. He lands stomach first and I see a handgun tucked into the back of his shirt. I grab it, throw it into my apartment, and warned him one more time.

He got up, came at me, I slam my bat into his stomach, then slam my bat over his head one last time which caved his skull in. I knew from the blood spatter from when I hit, he was dead. Thankfully, the neighbors had called the police when it started and the second he fell to the ground dead, police had made it to the top of the steps.

It never affected me as much as it should have. I reacted the best way I could for the situation I was in.

I don’t think about what I did anymore. I can’t fix the past.


5. Four On One

I was jumped by 4 guys about 10 years ago. I was down on the ground and they were kicking and punching me. I grabbed my knife from my pocket, reached up and stabbed one of them in the stomach. Blood everywhere. some mine, mostly his. they all ran. One of them yelled back that he would find me later and kill me. He later died at a hospital because he took too long to get help.

Basically I never really felt bad about it and I don’t regret it. It has popped into my head randomly from time to time and it weirds me out that I took a persons life but thats about it.. doesn’t last long. My thoughts about it are that I was protecting myself and whether or not they would have killed me I feel it was not just justified but exactly what I should have done.


6. Senior Year, Off Campus Invasion

My senior year of college, I had an off campus apartment in a really shitty part of town. I often went to the batting cages with my roommates just for fun, so we each had our own baseball bat.

It was a Friday night and I heard a bang at the backdoor. I honestly thought it was just one of my roommates who had locked themselves out drunkenly. Well I get down there and there’s a guy in the kitchen wearing a ski mask. I just grabbed one of the baseball bats and swung at this guy as hard as humanly possible.

Well I hit the guy square in the head. He fell back, broke down the sliding closet door. Two of my roommates came running out, and I was just standing over this guy, who was profusely bleeding on our kitchen floor. One called 911 and the other one took off the guys ski mask and we tried to stop the bleeding with it. At this point the lights were still off and I didn’t actually realize how much blood was everywhere.

Two cops show up what felt like an eternity later, and then an ambulance wheeled him off. He died not too long after that. Our last roommate showed up while police were still taking statements. He just walks in and gives us this look like “what the hell happened?” And I just said “I broke your bat, I’m sorry”. He didn’t really give a shit about the baseball bat, I just didn’t know what else to say.

None of us slept that night. We just watched south park on Netflix and all called out of work the next day. I remember there was a lot of disbelief. I mean I couldn’t believe that had just happened. Never felt bad about it though. I did often wonder for awhile what led that guy to break into our place.

I do however own a .22 revolver now.


7. A Father And Husband’s Worst Nightmare

Back in 1995 I lived in a quiet neighborhood in the SF East Bay with my wife of a few years and our 20 month old daughter. We had a small 3 bedroom two story house, and one of our second floor bedrooms doubled as my home office. One quiet Saturday morning I was in my office playing Command and Conquer on my computer with my headphones on, oblivious to the sounds of the outside world.

I’d probably been playing for an hour or so when, during one particularly quiet moment, I faintly heard my wife cry out downstairs. Knowing that she was down there with our daughter, I pulled my headphones off to see if she needed help with anything. Until the day I take my last breath, I’ll never forget what I heard when I pulled them off. I heard the voice of a man, with a thick Mexican accent, shout, “Quit yelling bitch, or I’ll fucking cut your head off and fuck your fucking daughter!” My daughter was crying hysterically.

After that, it was like some switch was thrown in me and my higher brain just shut off. I wasn’t making decisions. I just acted. I don’t even remember pulling the .45 from the lockbox in my desk, I just remember walking down the stairs slowly, scared as hell that I was going to see my wife dead when I reached the bottom. Instead, when I reached the bottom, I saw my wife half naked, bent over the couch, bleeding from somewhere in her upper body, while being raped from behind by some burly guy with a knife in his hand. He wasn’t TRYING to rape her, he was in the middle of the deed and was probably nearing climax.

I never said a word to the guy. Not while I was upstairs, not while I was coming down the stairs, and not when I walked into the room. His back was to me, so he had no idea I was even standing there.

He was holding his knife in his right hand, so that was the arm I grabbed with my left when I pulled him off. He spun away from her and me with a confused look on his face, and I shot him square in the chest at nearly point blank range before he had a chance to say a single word. His face went pale as he went onto one knee, and I fired twice more. One hit his neck, and the second missed entirely. I was told later that the first shot was the fatal one.

What happened next has always been a point of shame for me. The only thought going through my head at that point was that I couldn’t let my daughter watch this man die. Without even checking on my wife, I scooped my daughter up and walked out my front door. As I walked out to my driveway, I saw one of my neighbors standing there staring at my house (he’d heard the gunshots). The poor guy went pale when he saw me walk out, and I vaguely remember asking him to hold my daughter while I went and checked on my wife. The neighbor asked me if I’d shot her, and I told him, “No, I shot the man who was raping her.” I didn’t realize at the time that I had the guys blood spray covering half my body, and that I looked like something out of a horror movie. I then handed him my daughter and my gun (I also have no idea why I gave him my gun), and went back into my house to help my wife.

The police and DA gave me some flak about the exact circumstances of the shooting (one of the detectives told me that it was more of an “execution” than a “defense”), but in the end they declined to pursue any charges. The man who attacked her turned out to be a guy with serious mental issues who had been previously convicted of two violent rapes, one of which was against a 9 year old girl. Under California’s then-new 3 Strikes law, he’d have gone to prison for life if I hadn’t killed him.

As for recovery; I like to think that I’ve recovered from it, but it certainly induced a few behavioral changes. To this day, for example, I can’t wear headphones that block out background noise. Even after years of counseling, over-ear and noise cancelling headphones give me panic attacks because I can’t hear what’s happening around me. I found out later that he’d been raping my wife for nearly 10 minutes before I heard him, and that he’d actually told my wife THREE TIMES that he was going to rape my daughter when he was finished with her. I was sitting 30 feet away and had no idea it was going on, and that fact has fucked with me for years.

My wife had a much worse time of it though. In addition to two stab wounds to her shoulder and upper arm, and the bruising and injuries from the forceful rape, she ended up having a mental break and took years to really recover. For the first 6 months, she absolutely could not be in any room by herself. For more than a year, she couldn’t be in a house by herself (and she NEVER reentered the house where this happened). For several years, she’d break out in a sweat when she heard men with deep hispanic accents talking, because she’d hear his voice again. Even now, decades later, she starts shaking if you try to talk to her about it. She’s fine in every other sense, but even discussing it freaks her out.


8. The Dark Side Of New Orleans

I got assaulted in an alley in New Orleans 20 years ago. The guy hit me in the back of the head, cut me a few times with a knife, put the knife to my throat and told me that he was going to rape and kill me. I choked him to death. Felt his windpipe crumble in my hands. I’ve had PTSD ever since. Constant nightmares. I see his face turn red, blue, and purple. I hear the crunch of his windpipe. I feel him struggle against me. I have scars I see every time I get out of the shower. I did what I had to do and don’t regret it but killing a man with your bare hands is a lifelong struggle.


9. An Inside Job Gone Wrong

My house had been robbed twice while I was at work. One day I had to call out sick and while I was sleeping I heard someone downstairs. I called out “Who’s there?” When we’re sick, our supervisors come to see if we’re actually home, but I was worried because they always knock first, and I was sure I didn’t hear any knock or doorbell.

I heard footsteps running up the stairs and I called out that I was armed. My supervisor definitely would have stopped, but the footsteps got louder. I got behind the door and two men charged into my room with guns. I moved my arm and they turned around. I shot one of them in the neck while he shot the wall behind me, the other man ran downstairs.

It turns out I shot my coworker’s cousin, who knew my schedule of when I wasn’t going to be home. The coworker was not in on anything. The other man was the cousin’s friend.

I was not charged. I do not feel guilty because the last two months made me feel very violated. I changed jobs because I was uncomfortable working with people who knew about it.


10. Suicidal And Fearless

Happened about a decade ago. I was walking back home and these 2 kids tried to rob me. I don’t necessarily know what age they were, but they were somewhat short (I live in a country in which the average person isn’t very tall) and pretty scrawny. I was pretty deep into depression that had me at a point in which I didn’t really care about much of anything.. and was contemplating suicide constantly, so as weird as it might be to say, I wasn’t particularly scared, which is probably why he kept getting even more agitated.

Both were probably on drugs, one with the gun was yelling more and more and for some reason I reached out for his gun, in the struggle the gun fired twice, both times he got shot and died. The other one started yelling for his brother, charged me with the knife he had, I shot and kept shooting until the gun ran out.

Called the police, they couldn’t pretend to care less, two junkie kids on drugs, yeah. Would probably be different in the US.

At the time the only thing that freaked me out was the fact I wasn’t freaking out. I kept thinking I was some kind of monster, yet was mostly indifferent towards it.

A year later after I got on meds for my depression and it felt like it crashed on me pretty hard. Got heavily into drinking.


11. Graveyard Shift At The Gas Station

I work graveyards at a gas station in that grey area part of my town where a good neighborhood is immediately bordered by an extremely bad one, so I see all sorts of shit, both good and bad.

A couple years ago (4-5 now maybe? I usually try not to think about it.), I was in the back room stocking, and hear the front door open, so I come out face first into two younger guys running in with guns drawn. I carry, but I’m not the idiot that thinks he can draw, ready, aim and fire before someone with a ready weapon kills me, so I put my hands up and stop moving. Guy 1 keeps coming and grabs me by the back of the shirt while Guy 2 peels off and starts grabbing all of the Newports and scratch tickets. Guy 1 puts the gun to the back of my head and brings me around to the register area, where I open the register. He pulls me to the back of the register area by the cigarette display and his friends moves over to empty the till.

While they’re changing places, Guy 1 says “Hurry up blood let’s merc this fool” (or something very similar), and gestures with his gun in such a way that I got a look at it. He. Had. No. Magazine. His friend may have, but he was facing away, on one knee, with his weapon stuffed in his rear waist band with his fucking comically long shirt over it. Unfortunately for them my CZ-75 compact most certainly did. I smacked Guy 1 in the head with right hand as hard as I could, and drew while shooting upwards at him. I wasn’t really aiming, just fired twice into center of mass from just above my hip. First round caught him in the upper sternum/collar bone area, and the second caught him in the base of the neck and travelled upwards through his skull, before finally ruining the Marlboro light display with bits of his head. (Oddly, those cigarette cartons with the red on the white and gold are my clearest memory of that night.) I spun towards Guy 2 and fired three more times, catching him once in the upper abdomen and twice in the chest.

I immediately called 911, and then proceeded to sit on the floor in silence for the ten minutes it took them to get there, shaking. After all, the adrenaline was wearing off. All said and done, I was questioned for about twenty minutes, and my weapon was confiscated for the duration, but other than that and ~a month of nightmares I was fine. Nightmares stopped once the detective in charge of the case let me know that I was wasn’t the first store they’d robbed, and killed or severely beaten the other checkers. Then I was just glad that I’d removed trash like that from the world. Can’t hurt anyone now.


12. Returning Fire

I was in an incident where I shot and killed a squatter during an eviction. In all honesty, he shot me first, and I dont really remember all the details which is probably a good thing. I was also present with a marshal at the time, so there wasnt much of a report to take.

I think about it sometimes, especially when my shoulder hurts. Hard not to honestly. I’m alive, and he isnt, and at the end of the day I feel pretty good about that. I never knew his name, or why he fired his weapon at me instead of just walking out peacefully. He’s probably in an unmarked grave somewhere in Michigan, and that doesnt bother me too much. I don’t intend to end up like that man.


13. “He’s Gonna Rape Me”

Having lived in a more dangerous neighborhood growing up, I was taught as a teen gun safety and was at the shooting range regularly with my dad and brothers. One day I arrived home after college to find someone going through my things in my bedroom. He came at me with a knife as soon as he saw me. I pulled my gun out of my purse and shot him in the chest.

It happened so quickly, all I could think of was the knife and his proximity and that he had physical advantage over me and I needed to do something before he got within arms length and could use his strength to rape me. I didn’t take time to aim, I certainly didn’t intend to kill him. I wanted him to not be able to come near to me.

I don’t regret pulling the trigger. I do have nightmares about it and what would have happened if i didn’t have a gun that day.

In regards to the “he’s gonna rape me” mentality. I live in South Africa, where some believe (incorrectly) that sex with a virgin cures AIDS. There were a number of reports of rapes in my neighborhood at the time.


14. Home From The Army

Was getting out of the Army a few years ago. I took my wife and kids home early in order to focus on getting out and finish selling the house before I completely left the area. I left both of my cars at home with my wife (had a buddy who was also leaving the Army, drive me around) so there was zero cars at my house. Anyways, the front door opened to a hallway to go to the kitchen and backdoor and the stairs to go upstairs. I was sleeping on the floor in the master bedroom where the top of the stairs led because all my stuff had been packed except for a few knick knacks… and my .45 S&W M&P.

Three guys broke in that night, shattered my back door (big center window in door) which woke me up. I didn’t have much to take.. but my laptop and tv was the only thing downstairs. I heard them talking.. heard them say stuff about not having much and taking the laptop and tv. Then heard them talk about looking upstairs. As soon as I heard the first step creak, I yelled out that I have a gun. No movement… then they pretty much bum rushed the stairs and into my room. I shot the first guy in the neck, his buddy took a shot at me and missed where he then was shot in the shoulder. The third guy rushed back outside and left his buddies. The guy shot in the neck was dead instantly, guy with a gsw in shoulder was withering in pain. Kicked their guns down the stairs and called 911. Cops were there in about 10 minutes. Took my statement, took my gun and offered an ambulance. Don’t think they ever found the third guy also.

3 years later and I think about it from time to time. What bothers me most is that I didn’t kill the guy I shot in the shoulder so I do fear he could find me again and also… that the house was nearly empty.. so that dude lost his life over nothing. I’m pretty much fucked in the head from deployments and such.. so this just adds on to it. I just smoke a lot of weed to deal with it.


15. Being Too Nice Will Get You Robbed

 Well, I was sitting in a gas station parking lot when a man knocked on my passengers side window. I was waiting while my friend grabbed some beer and he had just walked in. I live in an area with a lot of homeless people and being the too nice person I am I rolled the window down to give the guy some of the change sitting in a cup holder. He pulled a gun on me and unlocked the door to get in. I had a gun but it was in an awkward position. I had never had to pull it before so I didn’t really know how well it would work but it was the most reasonable place I could think of, not to mention I was a newbie gun owner at the time (left side in the cup holder on the door). You never really know what the best course of action is until it happens to you.

I do exactly as he says and pull away. I didn’t know what the hell was going to happen but I was scared shitless and I really hoped he wouldn’t see my gun. We end up pulling into an old dark parking lot.

To give a little context on why what happened next happened how it did, I drive a little kia soul stick shift and it jumps speed bumps. Like jumps them. I see one and at this point the guy isn’t really paying attention to me so I put my foot to the floor, jump this speed bump, he hits his head on the roof and his gun falls in my lap so I grabbed it and pointed it at him.

At this point I expected him to get spooked and get away but I was wrong. The guy had a pocket knife and he pulled it. He stabbed me 2 times before I could get a shot off. Everything went dark and that’s all I remember.

When I woke up I found out he died in my car and I actually shot him 2 times. It turned into a huge legal battle because the gun was stolen and he had drugs on him. Everyone thought it was a drug deal gone bad. I’ve dealt with it for years and to this day I’m still not the same. My family disowned me because of it. Ive also turned into a hermit that lives in the woods away from everyone because I don’t trust anyone. It can get lonely sometimes but its alright.

The one question I saw a lot “why did your family disown you?” They thought I was dealing drugs along with the rest of the city. I lived in a small Southern town where everyone talks at their tea parties and spread the rumors/drama. Also, my friend at the gas station is the reason I didn’t get locked up for murder. He testified and I got out of trouble. It still took forever. I mean, it was a death not just a gunshot wound. Everyone had a lot of questions and didn’t feel they were getting the answer they wanted to hear.


16. Female Student Refuses To Be Raped

I am female, 5’2 and weigh a little south of 100 lbs. I’ve always been on the smaller side and I used to always have earphones on. I was always decked out in “nicer clothes”. Looking back, I was probably an easy target.I’ve always grown up on the “greener grass”. My parents are both successful and I’m an only child. It was a huge culture shock for me when I decided to go to college in a not-so-safe area. My school is a fairly high ranked private school in probably the worst location of SoCal. Really high crime rates & all that fun stuff.

I was walking to my apartment after a long day at the library – it was around 1 am or so. I normally drive, but that day I had lent my roommate my car so I decided to walk to school instead. I could’ve taken the shuttle, but I figured I should exercise and all that fun stuff. I was young and reckless.

I think I was about 10 minutes away from my place when I noticed I was being followed. I didnt think much of it, so I kept going. There are a lot of homeless people in the neighborhood and they’re fairly harmless, so I figured it was one of them panhandling or something. What I didn’t know was that there was someone else in front that was “following” me too. The cops said they had planned it from the start – I wasn’t a random target. They were herding me to a location they wanted me to be in. I dont really remember how it happened, but I turned the corner and everything went black. When I woke up I was sitting on the floor of the alleyway in the corner and there were about 3 guys towering over me. Two of them had a knife and they told me if I screamed they would make sure the cops wouldn’t be able to identify my body.

I remember them grabbing me by my hair and dragging me further down the alley, and being forced on the floor on my stomach. One of them held on to my hair and my hands so I couldnt move my head and I felt strong pressure on the back of my calves & thighs. I imagine they were probably stepping on my legs so I couldnt move. I remember crying and choking on my snot & tears while trying not to make a sound. I also felt something really cold on my neck – I knew it was the knife so I kept quiet. They rummaged through my bag and took everything worth while, and threw the rest in the giant trash bins. Whoever was stepping on my legs bent down and started patting me down to make sure I didnt have anything on me that was worth stealing. They took my iPod, iPhone& around 200 in cash from my pocket. I felt really strong pressure on my side after that knocked the wind out of me – I felt like I was going to die. I imagine they kicked me. I couldnt curl up into a ball and cry though, they were still holding on to me. The part after that is a blur – I remember one of the guys saying “lets bounce” and another voice saying “lets have some fun with this asian bitch”. I think there was a small debate whether or not I was asian (I’m half) but I dont really remember. I think my adrenaline kicked in when I felt pressure on my lower back and someone pulling down my jeans. I started flailing and screaming then. They kicked me a lot more and cut my shoulder from my flailing. I think that scared them – they weren't really planning on hurting me. I got an arm free and grabbed the knife by the blade. I remember it stinging and thinking "YES". It was more of a “I’m still alive” than a “yes, I can hurt these guys”. I managed to wrestle the knife away from the guy holding my hair and tried to stab him. I felt some pain in my back (which later turned out to be stab wounds).

What they don't tell you in movies is how hard it is to stab someone. I think I tried to stab his legs, his arms, stomach, anything I could reach. I couldn't fully get it in but I knew he was hurting because he kept screaming. I think when I realized I had done something was when I felt the knife slide in and the other guys yelling and running. When there was no more pressure on me I looked up and saw that I had managed to stab the guy in the eye. He stopped moving and just fell. I don't know if he was dead then – I want to imagine it was the shock that caused him to pass out. I started screaming and crying and yelling. I think I passed out too. I remember waking up to sirens and going to the hospital. I had multiple stab wounds and had to go through intensive surgery. I also had 3 broken ribs, a fuck ton of fractured bones and all that fun stuff.

A couple days later the detectives on my case told me that the guy didn't make it and that they were sorry his shitty ass couldn’t rot in prison. I just remember thinking "Good, I hope he rots in hell."


17. Refugees Take Advantage Of A Disaster

Attempted carjacking by two “refugee” fucks in the wake of a massive natural disaster. Far enough away to avoid being completely destroyed, but close enough that practically all law enforcement and EMS were sent out of the area to assist in the worst spots. Rather unscrupulous individuals took advantage of this. Waves of people fleeing the worst of it, no electricity, awful heat, break-ins, theft, rapes, lady down the street found with her head stove in; pleasant time.

Made a run into town to obtain some supplies, and was hauling gas and food back to the house in a pickup. Probably should have covered the bed, but in any case, got jumped at a stop sign by two guys, one with a machete and the other with what looked like a HiPoint handgun. Both waving their weapons about and screaming “Get the fuck out of the car” and related pleasantries.

Fortunately, the Glock was right in the door. Felt like time slowed down, remember seeing the gunman’s eyes widen at the sight of it. Shot the gunman in the stomach and chest and hit the other in the chin. Bled way more than a deer would, the teeth were a rather unpleasant sight, and they never really mention people shitting or pissing themselves on death in the movies. Machete died extremely fast, gunman curled up and was making some kind of noises (gunshots had fucked up hearing). Took ages for the deputies and EMS to show up, with the gunman dying shortly afterward. Cut and dried affair legally speaking, deemed clear case of a justified shooting.

Didn’t exactly shed any tears over them. When you attack someone, that is an outcome you can expect. Been more on my guard in the years since, and had random adrenaline rushes and unprovoked feelings of extreme danger present for a few weeks afterwards.


18. Turning The Tables Out Of Desperation

About 11 years ago (late 1999) I was jumped by two guys at a small park in Whitney, WA. It was 8:45 – 9:00 PM, I had just gotten off of work and was going to run a few laps to burn off some excess energy. The sun was just about set as it was summer time, but there was a little bit of natural light left. The park was located on top of a plateau-type land formation and there was only two ways in or out — the road leading up and a small dirt trail at the opposite end of the park. I had been there for about 15 or 20 minutes when I realized that I not only was being watched by two men, I was being 'herded' into a corner away from both exits.

Initially, I told myself I was being paranoid. I picked up my pace in the direction of the dirt path and that's when one of the guys started running at me and I knew shit was really going down. I started running full tilt toward the dirt path at the end of the park. Unfortunately, he had a good angle on me and slammed into my hip/lower body and took me to the ground. At this point, my memory gets very hazy. The first guy who got to me was unarmed — we struggled on the ground for a few moments (years). One thing I remember specifically about this moment was that when you're in a life or death situation all bets are off — I was scratching his face and gouging at his eyes and pulling his hair and was basically just going ape shit to get away. Shortly after getting tackled, the second guy arrived and he WAS armed with a knife. I was still struggling with the first guy when I was first stabbed (total of 3 times) in the right thigh. I'm not sure if didn't want to kill me or if he had poor aim, but I was fortunate I was not stabbed in the throat or stomach.

The third time I was stabbed I thrashed and my second assailant lost hold of the knife. I picked it up on impulse and hit him with the butt of the knife in the temple repeatedly until he stopped moving. To be honest, my memory of actually ending his life is almost non-existent. It happened very quickly. His 'buddy' booked it after his companion went down and I was left at the park with 3 serious stab wounds and a body (this was before I had a cell phone). It was the two hours it took for me to get help that have stuck with me over the years. I remember being so so so scared that I was going to jail, being so so so scared the other guys was coming back, and overall just being so so so fucking scared.

At the end of the day, I don't regret what I did. I was not only threatened, I was actually attacked and wounded. I simply defended myself to the best of my abilities. The long term damage mostly has to do with paranoia in concerns to be followed and watched.


19. “He Still Looked Surprised”

My parents went out for date night when I was 10. Got me a babysitter from the neighborhood who was 14 or 15. He’d been my babysitter a few times before. I always wanted an older brother. Both my parents worked and my brother is 7 years younger than me, so I never got to have much playtime. He and I would play video games, play with lego, stuff like that. It was a lot of fun.

This night he tried to molest me. He got on top of me and started touching me. He wasn’t much bigger than me so I was able to get away. We were in the TV room and I ran to my room on the other side of the house. I got my baseball bat and hid behind the door. When he came in I hit him in the knees and he fell down. I just kept hitting him on the ground. Don’t know how long. Eventually I ran away and called the police and told them to come over. I remember being really scared that he was going to get up and chase after me when I was making the call. Once the call was done and I went over to watch him I realized he was dead. His face was all mushed up and bleeding but he still looked surprised.

Not really recovered psychologically. I try not to think about it too much. I think about it a lot.


20. “Don’t Be Afraid To Get Cut”

Someone tried to rob me with a knife. I was on my way home from my shitty job at college where I got paid under the table. It was Friday and I was walking the three blocks to my house with a wad of cash in my pocket that I needed. He stepped out and waved the knife and told me to empty my pockets. My immediate thought was Fuck no you junkie. My second thought was the words of my friend, a black belt in kyokushin karate, “If you get in a knife fight don’t be afraid to get cut. It’s gonna happen anyway, just don’t let it be bad.” We were half joking when he said that. When was I ever gonna get into a knife fight?

I said “No” to emptying my pockets. He stepped forward brandishing the knife. So I threw all 230lbs of myself at this spindly man that should probably weigh 170-ish but was instead closer to 140 lbs. I did get stabbed. Honestly, with my adrenaline running I hardly felt it. It felt like a hard punch at first. I eventually tackled him, and from on top slammed his head into the sidewalk once and he went limp.

He was still alive at the time, if unconscious. The problem was actually that he actually started a brain hemorrhage (or some sort of brain bleeding) and died after reaching the hospital.

Anyway, right after he went limp and I started to calm down a bit did I realize that my side hurt really fucking bad. Far more pain than I remember ever feeling. That was when I noticed I had been stabbed. Which was weird, because I remember that when I took the slash on my arm it hurt really bad the second it happened. Anyway, I also had a trip to the hospital.


21. Touring The Crack Houses Of Newport News

I got carjacked almost 25 years ago in Newport News, VA when it was all the rage in certain shithole eastern US cities. Instead of just shooting me with the little semi the guy had, he had me drive him to a couple of crack houses (also all the rage 25 years ago). Dragged my ass inside to two or three, used cash he made me pull out of an ATM to buy for him, back in the car for another go around.

Seems like this went on all night, but it was probably only an hour or two. Regardless, at some point the guy started to bug out and wasn’t paying attention to me when we got back in the car for round number whatever. My tire iron was under the front seat of my car, and I flat out smashed his face in with it. Heard bone break, blood all over, the whole nasty deal. Pushed him out the door and drove home.

Honestly, I puked a bunch, got shitfaced drunk, puked some more, raged quite a bit, and then passed out. Never called the cops, never got questioned, and talked about it with only a couple of friends. Since maybe the first couple of days, when the adrenaline come-down felt like it was going to kill me, I haven’t though that much about it. It’s possible I didn’t kill him, although I doubt it and always assumed he died.

Sounds weird, but I haven’t lost much sleep over it either. I’m fairly certain he would have killed me if I hadn’t hit him. Anyhow, it lurks in the back of my thoughts, and if nothing else I know that I could kill someone if necessary, because I certainly tried to kill that guy, and to the best of my knowledge I did.

SD_Killer TC mark

11 Things You Should Never Do To Get Attention From A Guy

Posted: 06 Dec 2016 05:00 PM PST


1. Dumb yourself down. You should never act stupid because you think it will make him like you. If he can't connect with you on an intellectual level then he isn't the one for you. You need more than a physical connection and you shouldn't dumb yourself down to try to connect with him.

2. Have sex with him before you're ready. You don't have to have sex with him on the first date or the 10th. Don't feel pressured to do anything you're uncomfortable with to make him like you more.

3. Act interested in things you hate. Don't pretend to like things just because he likes them. You don't have to listen to the same music or know all the players on his favorite basketball team. You're allowed to be different and have your own interests and you're allowed to like different things.

4. Pretend to be someone you're not. Don't pretend that you're not who you are because you want to fit into the stereotypically girl he falls for. Be your own person, it might be exactly what he's looking for and if it's not then you don't want to be with him anyway.

5. Don't make life altering decisions for him. Don't do something crazy like quit your job to move for him or make big financial decisions for him until you're in a serious committed relationship. Sometimes people say things they don't mean and you don't want to get stuck and screwed over because he wasn't being serious or you just assumed.

6. Change your appearance. Don't dye your hair blonde just because he says he likes blondes. Don't start adjusting what you look like because you think he wants a different type of girl. Just be you if he's into you, he's into you for you.

7. Starve yourself. Don't start starving yourself and going to unhealthy measures because you want to be thinner for him or look better. Don't start making yourself sick over his opinion.

8. Negotiate your morals. Don't turn into someone you're not proud of because he has different thoughts than you. Don't laugh if he makes a homophobic comment, don't pretend you're okay with him talking shit about people when you'd normally get angry about it. Don't turn into someone you'd normally have a problem with because you want to impress him. Stand up for what you believe in, even if it’s not what he believes in.

9. Drop your friends. Don't start bailing on your friends because you want to spend time with your new guy. Hanging out with him is important, but hanging out with your friends is equally important because if he leaves or things don't work out they're still going to be there when he isn't.

10. Dress skimpier. Don't start wearing less clothing to try to get more attention from him. Everyone wants to feel sexy, but don't push yourself to a point you feel uncomfortable just to make him eye you up and down.

11. Lose yourself in him. Don't throw away all the strength you've gained and how independent you've become the second someone comes into your life. Don't change who you are as a person and don't become someone you're not proud of in order to make him like you. TC mark

How To Stay Motivated As An Entrepreneur

Posted: 06 Dec 2016 04:30 PM PST

Startup Stock Photos
Startup Stock Photos

We all have those things that even in the midst of stress and disarray, they energize us and give us renewed strength and purpose.

—Adam Braun (founder of Pencils of Promise)

If you're not motivated, you won't create great work.

It's easy to get caught up in the day-to-day grind of running a business. Sometimes you just don't feel like getting up and going to work. The following will help serve as a quick motivational tool whenever you feel like you're not giving it all you have.

Here are three things to think about to keep you motivated:

  1. What do you hate about being an employee?

Avoiding pain is often the biggest motivator to get people to take action. If you don't give it your best and get your company moving, what's going to happen? You'll end up having to go get a job again. It's time for having a bad boss, working to make someone else wealthy, not being challenged, having a terrible schedule, and not being paid what you're worth. Is that enough of a kick in the pants to get you working? Write down the five things you hate most about being an employee. You don't ever want to go back here! Make these as painful as possible!

  1. Why did you start?

If the stick didn't work, try the carrot. Why did you want to be an entrepreneur? What are you doing to help people through your business? What is your One Word and how are you able to leverage it to make a better life for you, your family, and the people around you? Write down five positive things that get you excited about your business. You can also include testimonials from happy clients if they are charged with emotion and make you feel good.

  1. What do you want to be remembered for?

Think about what you want to accomplish in life. What kind of impact do you want to have? Money is only a motivator for so long and won't buy you happiness. How do you want to be remembered? What do you want your grandkids to learn about you? Write down five things that you want to accomplish through your business. These should be aspirational and get you pumped up. Remember, none of these things will happen if you don't start giving your business 100 percent right now!

The next time you're feeling sluggish or down, refer to these points. If they don't kick you out of your funk, you need to work at them. Otherwise you'll quit and soon be back slaving away for someone else.

Another tactic I use is to look at motivational quotes from three of my heroes: Steve Jobs, Oprah Winfrey, and Tony Robbins.


Believe that things will work out . . . follow your intuition and curiosity . . . trust your heart even when it leads you off the well- worn path . . . You have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future . . . The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it . . . Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.


What I know for sure is that if you want to have success, you can't make success your goal. The key is not to worry about being successful, but to instead work toward being significant—and the success will naturally follow . . . If you do work that you love, and work that fulfills you, the rest will come. And, I truly believe, that the reason I've been able to be so financially successful is because my focus has never, ever for one minute been money. Would you do your job and not be paid for it? I would do this job, and take on a second job just to make ends meet if nobody paid me. That's how you know you are doing the right thing.


A real decision is measured by the fact that you've taken a new action. If there's no action, you haven't truly decided . . . The most important thing you can do to achieve your goals is to make sure that as soon as you set them, you immediately begin to create momentum. The most important rules that I ever adopted to help me in achieving my goals were those I learned from a very successful man who taught me to first write down the goal, and then to never leave the site of setting a goal without first taking some form of positive action toward its attainment . . . For changes to be of any true value, they've got to be lasting and consistent. Any time you sincerely want to make a change, the first thing you must do is to raise your standards . . . If you don't set a baseline standard for what you'll accept in life, you'll find it's easy to slip into behaviors and attitudes or a quality of life that's far below what you deserve . . . Whatever happens, take responsibility . . . The only thing that's keeping you from getting what you want is the story you keep telling yourself. TC mark

If You Fail At Answering These 50 Questions, You’re Not As Serious As You Think

Posted: 06 Dec 2016 04:00 PM PST

Unsplash, Agberto Guimaraes
Unsplash, Agberto Guimaraes

1. What’s the name of his boss?

2. How often does he shave?

3. How many cousins does he have?

4. What’s his favorite Disney movie?

5. What’s his go-to karaoke song?

6. Does he prefer the rain or the snow?

7. Is he a dog person or a cat person?

8. What hospital was he born in?

9. Which bar or restaurant does he usually go to with his friends?

10. Which one of his uncles is the ‘crazy uncle?’

11. How many beers does it take to get him properly drunk?

12. What’s his zodiac sign?

13. How many people has he kissed?

14. How many pets did he have throughout his life (including hamsters and fish)?

15. How long does it take him to grow out his beard?

16. What’s his blood type?

17. How many times did he take his road test before he passed?

18. What time does he wake up on weekends?

19. What’s his phone number?

20. Is he registered to vote?

21. What’s his ring tone?

22. Where is the furthest he’s ever been away from home?

23. Has he ever been to a funeral?

24. What type of food does he refuse to eat?

25. What’s his favorite brand of beer?

26. Does he prefer the pool or the ocean?

27. Which movie has he seen more than ten times?

28. How many times has he been in love?

29. Where was the last place he went on vacation?

30. What’s his favorite sex position?

31. Has he ever gotten a speeding ticket or a DUI?

32. How many of the 50 states has he been in?

33. How many countries has he been in?

34. How long does it take him to get ready in the morning?

35. Was he popular in high school or was he a ‘loser?’

36. What’s the earliest childhood memory that he has?

37. What type of shampoo does he use?

38. Has he ever been in a fist fight?

39. How often does he masturbate now that he’s in a relationship?

40. Which one of his friends is his oldest friend?

41. What was the name of his elementary school?

42. How many kids does he want to have?

43. How many different houses has he lived in throughout his life?

44. What does he eat for breakfast on most mornings?

45. Has he ever been to a strip club?

46. How many days per week does he drink alcohol?

47. Has he ever smoked pot?

48. Does he have any allergies?

49. Has he ever been broken up with?

50. Does he plan on spending the rest of his life with you? TC mark

If Your Girlfriend Is Doing These 6 Subtle Things, She’s Starting To Think She Can Do Better

Posted: 06 Dec 2016 03:00 PM PST

Knocked Up
Knocked Up

When you enter your late twenties, there’s an undeniable (albeit metaphorical) shift in the air. The behavior that used to be cute or charming or oh-so-quirky is suddenly kind of, well, sad. Getting blacked out on a Tuesday isn’t being a wild child, it’s having a problem and worrying people. Existing solely on Sargento slices and bagels eaten in front of an open fridge isn’t el oh el, it’s a recipe for serious digestion issues.

And pretending like you can settle for your boyfriend’s annoying and stupid behavior in the name of ~ love ~ is just something most women past the age of 23 have decided they simply do not have time for.

I’m not saying that you should just hand your S/O a list of “17 Things You Could Do To Be A Better Forever Person”…but I think we all have seen at least one relationship where one person is calling the shots, even if they’re pretending like everything is fair city.

This dude over at Post Grad Problems has a girl who CLEARLY has some opinions about the state of their relationship. And I’m sorry, but if you see your person doing this sort of “oh-so-subtle” manipulation…they’re telling you that they definitely think they can do better. Hey – the truth hurts.

No. 1: She signed me up for a five-mile race on Thanksgiving without my consent.

If the calculations by my Nike Run Club iPhone app are correct, running five miles at once is more than I've run combined since April 22, 2011 when I was training for a half-marathon that I ended up skipping in order to drink 13.1 Mint Juleps at The Kentucky Derby. I could go on about how much I'm dreading having a heart attack on a national holiday in front of her family, but I already have.

She says: “Babe let’s just go for a run, it’s going to be so fun.”
She means: “Babe, you need to go on a run because our equivalent hottness isn’t aligning.”

Unless you’re a #fitgoals couple who believes the pair who gets swol together stays together, all this means is that she wishes you were less Chris Pratt in Parks & Rec, and more Chris Pratt in Jurassic World. No girl has ever pretended like going and getting sweaty was her idea of a good time unless:

A) There was potential for a great Instagram.
B) She has an event to attend where she wants to be the skinniest.
C) She thinks that she’s “helping” someone else.

This isn’t your girlfriend suggesting that you guys take up a new hobby — that’s what Book Clubs are for. This is her hoping she can start buying 32/34s and Medium v-necks at Banana Republic.

No. 2: She conned me into doing a points-based fitness competition with her sister.

It's never a good sign when your girlfriend has to bring in reinforcements in an effort to motivate you. Again, I could go on, but I already have.

If your significant other is bringing up dieting, they’re telling you something. Again, I could on, but I already have.

No. 3: This conversation we had while watching Friends.

Please keep in mind that at no point did she look me in the eye while corresponding with me during the episode where Brad Pitt tells Rachel about the "I Hate Rachel" Club.

Me: Which 'Friend' would I be?

Her: Chandler.

Me: Why?

Her: Beta.

When she said Chandler, the first two things that came into my head were, "It's because I'm quick-witted and sarcastic," and, "It's because he got fat after developing a serious pill addiction." Somehow being called a "beta male" was worse than the latter.

Every girl **says** she wants an alpha, but that’s because every girl is still slightly hung up on the first guy who she smoked pot with at 11 PM in the backseat of his Nissan. Any girl who tries to belittle dating beta males while simultaneously dating one is the kind of girl who says she thought about getting a nipple pierced, but opted for a cartilage piercing instead. She’s the girl who wishes she could be a Rizzo, but knows she’s more of a Frenchie. She knows she’s probably a beta female, and she’s projecting that insecurity onto you.

No. 4: She's been encouraging me to buy 'medium' shirts when I'm clearly a size large.

As if the lighting in department stores didn't accentuate my flaws enough, I have to sit there while she's handing me medium-sized shirts. This isn't high school anymore, lady. I can't just go to Burger King and order $13 worth of food, nor can I still fit comfortably into a medium-sized shirt. Have you ever seen what my body does after three beers? I'll give you a hint: it rhymes with 'gloating' and is the reason you probably FaceTune me behind my back.

She says: “Try this in a smaller size. Just try it.”
She means: “Goddammit I will mold you into something that will look good a Christmas card SO HELP ME.”

No. 5: She plans everything months in advance.

There's such a thing called 'planning,' and then there's a thing called, 'making sure my boyfriend won't fuck this up.' On one hand, excessive and premature planning ensures that all will go smoothly and we won't encounter any surprises. On the other hand, I'd rather play FIFA against an 8-year-old Mexican boy a la medium-shirted-high-school-me rather than plan what time we need to leave for the airport to make our pre-Christmas flight. Like, can't I just call an Uber an hour before and sprint to my gate like the old days?

If your girlfriend is sending you excessive itinerary lists before a weekend vacay at a B&B you didn’t even want to pay for in the first place, she’s really telling you how little she trusts you. I bet you get a Pinterest board for gift “suggestions” too, right? (I’m right.) Just wait until you find her wedding board. I promise it’s out there and it definitely includes a barn, twinkle lights, and one of those slow-timed sparkler photos. (I’m still right.)

No. 6: Party invites come with suggested wardrobe.

"Your plaid shirt will be good for this wedding shower," I'm told. "Everyone at the gender reveal party will be wearing pants," I'm texted.

Sure, weddings with open bars and live bands who play Motown always specify that they're black tie, but it's rare to get a baby shower invite that explicitly states, "Do not wear that one shirt you always wear when we go out with my family." Just like everyone needs one of those friends who will keep you honest by saying, "Gettin' a little thick there, might want to clean it up," girlfriends are there to make sure you look good in their Instagram photos. Well, and to make sure you're not wearing the same shirts in consecutive posts.

Girls who dress their boyfriends are the same girls who answer every question FOR the couple, but attempt to pull it off as a question.

“We totally loved the Airbnb we stayed in in Venice. Only complaint was the infinity pool was like, lowkey cold. I mean spring for a heater, right babe?”
“No, we’re not doing gluten right now. Whole 30 is the worst, right babe?”
“I’ve always thought Winter weddings were like, kind of tacky. I mean who REALLY likes fake snow, right babe?”

She doesn’t care if you thinks she’s right. She already knows she is because she has decided it is so. So let it be basic, so let it be done.

Oh, and to call 9-1-1 when you collapse at mile two of a Turkey Trot.

Dude if you pass out on a run she organized in the jersey she told you to wear after drinking the cleanse water SHE picked out, she’s going to ask to see other people. Godspeed. TC mark

Just In Time For Nick Viall’s Premiere: The ‘Bachelor Wine Collection’ Is Here

Posted: 06 Dec 2016 02:15 PM PST

The Bachelor Wines
The Bachelor Wines

Bachelor Nation has welcomed it’s own wine label into the family after finally realizing no one watches this shit sober. For a nice, meaty LOL here’s the clip-art inspired website where they refer to the show as ‘award-winning’.

They do do a great job of mirroring the vernacular of the show, however, describing the wines as ‘amazing’ and ‘dramatic’. Here’s the official description from their site:

Our dramatic collection of wines were crafted to take you on your own romantic journey as you experience every moment of love, every moment of heartbreak that is THE BACHELOR. The collection features three sensuous California wines that include The Fantasy Suite, One on One, and The Final Rosé.

I know who their spokesmodel should be:

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

If you want your Bachelor wine in time for the premiere, you’ll have to order by December 14th. TC mark

How To Know Whether You’re Actually Suffering From A Mental Disorder

Posted: 06 Dec 2016 02:00 PM PST

In my practice and my life I've helped hundreds of people overcome feelings of depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and more in usually only 3-6 sessions.

Clients in Toronto, Ontario, and abroad sometimes come to me as their last hope. They've been to doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, and other health care practitioners.

These apparent specialists have given these poor people a long list of disorders, illnesses, and clinical conditions.

Someone has depression, another person severe depression, another major depression, and another clinical depression. Then there's bipolar, OCD, generalized anxiety disorder, PTSD, and many more.

The client walks in feeling bad, and walks out with a whole bag of negative and disempowering labels.

Whenever I tell people "you don't have depression", some of them freak out! "What do you mean I don't have depression!? I always feel down. I don't enjoy anything anymore. And I cry myself to sleep".

I tell them "I know that what you're feeling is 100% real. I fully and completely understand how you feel. Since I understand, you deserve the truth so you can live your life empowered".

The truth is that, generally speaking, anybody can feel depressed, anxious, bad about themselves, and so forth. The same way that most people can gain weight.

If somebody is 300 pounds, the reality is that they are 300 pounds.

If somebody feels depressed, the reality is that they feel depressed.

The thing to note is that being 300 pounds is usually not a disorder, illness, or clinical condition. Again, generally speaking, someone who weighs 300 pounds does things radically different than someone who is fit.

What are you eating? When are you eating it? How often do you exercise?

If someone is 300 pounds but eats well and exercises, then there are different possibilities that can almost always be cured naturally.

If someone came to you at every lunch with burgers, fries, and diet coke in their hands, and explained to you that obesity runs in their family, what would you think? "Lady, nobody runs in your family".

I honestly and truly do understand why some people embrace their labels. It gives them an explanation and a sense of certainty when they feel so lost.

Some people correctly reject medication and choose to visit therapists. But what does a therapist usually do? They listen to you, and help you "cope" with your "depression", "anxiety", "OCD", "PTSD", etc.

You visit a psychiatrist and they hypnotize you to believe that it's a chemical imbalance. They show scans from studies that show that people who feel depressed fire off less neurotransmitters such as serotonin and dopamine.

It's like saying people who are 300 pounds crave more white bread and less vegetables. Obviously! They've gotten their body used to that.

It's one's beliefs, habitual physiology, focus, and language which determine which neurotransmitters fire. Not the other way around! I have to make this so clear.

The challenge is that most of these "professionals" agree with these limiting and untrue labels, so the client is left even more hopeless. In their need to have some certainty in their lives, they believe what doctors have been telling them.

A true expert knows the truth. A true expert changes the cause, rather than chasing symptoms.

In my experience, deep down everybody is happy, strong, and with high self-esteem. I find the underlying limiting and false beliefs, among other factors, which are currently blocking them from feeling these amazing feelings. Once we easily change the cause, people finally feel alive again!

I've had the privilege of seeing client after client wake up and confidently express themselves, rather than believing an untrue label. TC mark