Thought Catalog

17 Women Reveal How Long They Made Their Boyfriend Wait To Have Sex, And Why

Posted: 01 Jan 2017 08:00 PM PST

via Shutterstock
via Shutterstock

1. “My current boyfriend of five years and I slept together the first night we met. There was no way we weren’t going to. The chemistry between us was crazy strong. Mid hookup I pulled away and said something lame like ‘maybe we shouldn’t’ so he suggested we play ‘just the tip.’ It took exactly thirty seconds before I regained my sensibility and let him fuck me properly. I don’t think there’s any reason to wait if you don’t want to.”

—Charlotte, 27


2. “I made him wait three months and don’t think it’s because I didn’t want to have sex with him. I really wanted to but I was looking for something serious with him and wanted to make sure he was into me enough for some delayed gratification. He was and we’ve been together nearly three years now. Best relationship I’ve ever been in and we’re talking about getting married.”

—Erica, 27


3. “The longest? It was five months but that was an on again off again thing. I wish I’d gone ahead and slept with him the first day I met him and I wouldn’t have even considered spending more time with him. We dated for about three months afterward and we really weren’t compatible sexually and he became controlling quick.”

—Jacqueline, 20


4. “Erg, maybe a week? I don’t have a lot of hang ups about sex and if I want to sleep with someone and they’re into me then I go ahead and do it. I think I actually only waited a week with my current boyfriend because he was out of town for a couple of days. We’ve been dating a year now by the way.”

—Melissa, 28


5. “I made my current boyfriend four months before sex but I used to not wait at all. For me though, that never translated into something that was lasting or serious and I felt like I was sort of being tricked a few times. My guy stuck around and things are going well and the sex is great.”

—Naomi, 26


6. “He’s still waiting but we’re actually both waiting until we get married which is happening in six months. We met a year ago. Neither of us are virgins but we’re both religious and something just clicked with us where we felt like we shouldn’t have sex until marriage. I know this isn’t the popular opinion but I feel like it’s made us closer as a couple.”

—Anne, 25


7. “I married for the first time very young and both he and I were very Baptist and both virgins. We dated for a year without sex and when we married the sex was actually great after we learned how to do it. We divorced five years later but it was amicable. I don’t regret that marriage actually and I don’t remember waiting to have sex until marriage. Now, however, waiting isn’t as important to me.”

—Maggie, 29


8. “We were only dating casually for the first three months but my boyfriend was willing to wait a total of seven months before we had sex and I kept it casual until the two months before we did mainly because he had a reputation as a player. I’d never made anyone wait that long before. The night we had sex he actually said ‘I can’t believe this is really happening’ which made the whole thing that much more romantic for me. We’ve been together nearly a year now and think we each may have found the perfect partner.”

—Karen, 27


9. “I have vaginismus which, for the sake of summary, means that it hurts for things to go in my vagina. It’s an extremely disruptive condition sexually for the obvious reasons. It’s also caused me to lose relationships because I always made guys wait until they didn’t want to wait anymore and I was scared to death of the pain sex caused because I wasn’t aware of my condition for years. With my current boyfriend it took us six months of trying to have sex for us to do it with minimal pain and that was after three months of dating and him figuring out if this was something he was willing to work through with me. We’ve been dating a year now and it can still sometimes hurt but mostly it’s actually wonderful.”

—Cynthia, 28


10. “I’ve never ‘made anyone wait’ but at the same time it’s not like I’m sleeping with tons of people. I’m pretty much either into someone and trying to sleep with them or I will never sleep with them. Works for me.”

—Fiona, 24


11. “Not a huge fan of the double standard in this question. How long am I supposed to make someone wait and why? Are guys also supposed to make me wait? Am I a slut if I don’t make someone wait long enough? Maybe your readers should consider those questions instead of wondering how long I’ve made some dude they don’t know and will never know wait to have sex with me.”

—Vickie, 26


12. “For people I don’t see a long term thing with I don’t make them wait at all if I want to have sex. If I’m looking for an LTR then I make them wait a month, maybe two. With my current boyfriend I told him I wanted to wait and didn’t say for how long. We ended up waiting a month and a half. I think there’s something to be said for gauging a man’s reaction to being told to wait. I think it says a lot about how they think of sex and women.”

—Ashley, 29


13. “I didn’t used to make people wait but when I noticed that, for me, the people I was sexually compatible with were consistently the ones I wasn’t compatible with in other ways I started to feel like I was wasting time (wasting time with good sex sounds crazy, I know) because I did want to meet someone I’d be with forever and have a family and all that. I made my boyfriend wait three months mostly because I didn’t know how long was ‘a long time’ and that seemed like a very long time to me. We’ve been dating about six months and I feel like things are going really well. I’d never been friends with anyone before I had sex with them before and it’s definitely new and different in a good way.”

—Fay, 28


14. “Wait for what?”

—Jen, 30


15. “The longest I’ve ever waited for sex was six months and it actually wasn’t my choice at all. I met my current boyfriend and we really hit it off but he’s also very Catholic and wanted to wait until he felt like we knew each other and loved one another although he wasn’t a virgin. It was a pretty big reversal of how this kind of thing has gone traditionally but I went with it because I felt and still feel like he’s amazingly special. We’ve been dating almost a year now and it’s literally the best relationship I’ve ever been in. While I don’t put that down to not having sex for six months I do think there’s something to the idea of getting to know someone before sex if/if you think you want a long term thing with them. Otherwise, I still don’t think there’s a point in waiting.”

—Rachel, 25


16. My current boyfriend and I had sex on the second date and we’ve been dating five months now. He’s a great guy and I knew after our first date that I wanted to sleep with him but he says he was too nervous to even try.

—Kimberly, 24


17. “I have sex with whomever I want whenever I want as long as they’re into it, obviously. I think the key to this whole question is when people have sex or don’t have sex because of some arbitrary rule they’re thinking about or because they’re seeking approval through sex. Know yourself and do whatever the hell you want to do as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone or you.”

—Lee, 28 TC mark

18 Things You Should Try Out In Bed With Your Partner

Posted: 01 Jan 2017 07:00 PM PST


Found on r/AskReddit.

1. Survey says this is the No. 1 answer


2. Masturbation

People being comfortable masturbating in a partner’s presence would solve so many conflicts arising from mismatched libidos (even if the mismatch happens only rarely) or differences in ease of orgasm, but people tend to avoid it because they’re either uncomfortable with being that vulnerable or overly attached to the narrative that “sex is PIV and both people climax simultaneously and then it’s over”. People shouldn’t be threatened by a partner’s ability to give themselves pleasure.

3. Making out

How about just making out. I love kissing my wife I could do it for hours. It’s awesome during sex. Before it after it. When drunk or sober. Nothing keeps both parties in the mood faster than a great kiss.

4. It rolls off the tongue

Eating a pastrami sandwich, while watching a portable TV during foreplay.

5. Make sure you do it properly

Anal, done properly. A lot of people give it a try and do it wrong, so it hurts horribly, and they never want to try it again. The road to anal sex should be slow and filled with patience and gentle exploration and experimentation, with a long time (weeks or months, potentially) spent on just anal play with fingers and toys and working up in size before ever trying to involve a penis. Good anal sex never hurts, and just feels amazing (especially with some sort of clit stimulation at the same time).

6. Going at it hard

Handcuffs or some type of restraints.

Nothing like feeling no control whatsoever or having all absolute control in the situation during sex.

7. Keep this in mind

It’s not exactly a sex move, but place your bed on appropriate sized risers so that standing positions are easy. This is a big deal for me because I’m 6’6″ tall so I don’t want my knees to always be bent while having standing sex.

8. Just this

Laughing! My partner and I have so much fun in bed!

9. “You’ve been a bad girl”

Being spanked, especially when things get intense.

10. Love you, pizza

Getting drunk, fucking, then ordering pizza and eating it in bed.

11. It’s not for just any couple

Same-room play with another couple. It gives a great perspective on everything, it’s super fun, can lead to good friendships, and promotes a lot of communication before, during, and after.

12. Rimming

Licking ass is incredible, both for giver and receiver.

13. Feel the vibration

Bring a vibrator to use in conjunction with PIV sex.

14. Find a second source of stimulation

My girl loves foot stimulation. We discovered her superpower.

Its like a second clitoris. With changing rhythm I tickle her feet and kiss lick suck them. She goes crazy.

She is very ticklish when not in a sexual context. But in an intense tickle fight I had her leg captured and I was tickling her feet. In that moment she learned how to switch between tickle mode and pleasure mode.

I’ve given her orgasms just by touching her feet before. I love it! Makes getting her off really easy.

15. Light choking

You’d be surprised how quickly it can bring her into a sexual state of mind and how masculine you can look/feel from doing it.

16. This is important

Listening and talking. Can’t have good sex if one isn’t happy.

17. Bondage

A little less control can mean a whole new world of fun.

18. Eating her out

Giving cunnilingus with the girl on her hands and knees, and just totally immersing your whole mouth and face into her vulva and asshole. Seriously. My gf and I did this once straight out of a shower: she fucking loved it and i almost think I loved it even more! It feels great just sucking and licking absolutely everywhere around the area while being able to grab onto her ass and legs and stomach and tits and just pulling your face into her. It helps if she arches her back and puts her upper body down towards the bed rather than resting on her arms in order to give you better access to her vulva and clit, and if you kneel off the side of the bed so your neck isn’t so twisted. TC mark


I’m Slowly Learning To Just Let Things Be

Posted: 01 Jan 2017 06:00 PM PST

 Yanko Peyankov
Yanko Peyankov

I'm learning not to force things to happen.

I'm learning to just let them be, to let them align with my life when the time is right, to the let the universe bring them to me without having to run after them; because if you have to run after something, it means that it doesn't want to stand still, it doesn't want to be caught, it doesn't want to stop at your door. I'm trusting God that what's meant for me will eventually find me no matter where I am. I'm not going to be passive but I also won't fight a losing battle.

I'm learning to let love find me.

I'm learning to stop decoding messages and mixed signals and signs and wait for the clear message, the message that is so obvious and easy to understand, the message that doesn't make you question or second guess anything and the message that you're truly waiting for.

I'm learning to let those who don't want me in their lives go, I might even hold the door open for them because I don't want temporary visitors anymore, I don't want to share my bed with someone who doesn’t want to spend every night with me and I won't share my heart with someone who doesn’t want to protect it. I'm learning to let love find me when it's real, when it's simple, when it's mutual and when it's passionate.

I'm learning to be patient with myself.

I'm learning to take it easy on myself and my plans. I'm learning to be kind to myself when I slip-up and patient enough to make my dreams come true. I'm learning to forgive myself for my mistakes and let them be memories instead of labels. I'm learning to let these mistakes prove that I've tried for things that weren't right for me, that I didn't always play it safe, that I went for things I was unsure of and that I took chances.

I'm taking the wisdom I got from all these mistakes; the wisdom that taught me that mistakes often happen because we are forcing something that is not meant for us and we are trying to get something we probably shouldn't have.

I'm learning to stop trying so hard to control my life.

I'm learning that it is okay if I don't have all the answers or if I'm not where I want to be. I'm learning to let life take its course instead of trying to steer the wheel in another direction. I'm learning that I won't always get what I want but life will give me what I need. I'm learning to treat life as a friend; trying to understand it, trying to love it when it's being difficult, trying to accept it even when it's frustrating me and trying to appreciate the experiences it has provided me with, the memories it gave me, the laughter it brought me and the sadness it put me through just to grow.

I'm learning to let things be and I'm learning to look at life as a person; a person who is also still trying to figure it out, a person who is flawed and a person who wants to be better on most days but falls short on other days like everyone else. 

I'm learning to let the force of life move me instead of forcing it to stop. TC mark

17 Things To Let Go Of In 2017

Posted: 01 Jan 2017 05:00 PM PST


Let go of the belief that you have to have everything figured out right now. That you have to know exactly who you want to be, exactly what you want to do, exactly who you want to have a life with. Be okay with the fact that you’re going to go through life feeling blind and unsteady and never fully sure of what you’re doing, because that’s how it’s supposed to be.


Let go of the idea that people are either 100% good or 100% bad. Focus on learning as much as you can about a person, about their past and their present and their struggles and their pain, before you succumb to the human instinct of instant judgement.


Let go of your hatred of your body. Understand that it’s okay to want to be healthy, to want to be proud of your body, and to want to look good and feel well. But also understand that you are only mortal, that there will always be something that you don’t like about yourself, and that it’s more of a journey of figuring out how to love yourself anyway than it is about ‘fixing’ what you are convinced is wrong with you.


Let go of your anger towards the friends who have hurt you but have also repeatedly tried to make it up to you. Forgive them, bring them back into your life, and watch how much happier and lighter you are because of it.


Let go of friends who don’t put effort into your relationship. It doesn’t have to be a fight, or a dramatic, official goodbye. But let go of the energy that you spend on them that never gets returned. Come to peace with it, and with them. Be okay with the fact that you can still love them while also letting them go, in order to make room for the friends who always meet you halfway.


Let go of the idea that you must be right all the time. You’re human and you make mistakes and sometimes you’re wrong and that’s okay, as long as you own up to it.


Let go of your belief that it’s too late to start the career that you actually want. It is never too late.


Let go of people who make you feel like you have to change in order to be loved by them.


Let go of your passivity, of the tendency to watch life as it happens to you instead of taking charge of it yourself. Stop convincing yourself that you don’t have that much control over your life, that this is the job you’re stuck with or this is the city you’re stuck with or this is the partner you’re stuck with and you just have to deal with it, even if it makes you unhappy. Decide for yourself that you are powerful enough to change things, then start small and don’t stop.


Let go of the idea that anxiety or depression are things to be ashamed about. Be kind to yourself, get the help you need and deserve, and understand that you are not alone.


Let go of the pressure you put on yourself to be perfect. Embrace your flaws, embrace your screwups, embrace all the reasons why you are not perfect and figure out the numerous ways that they actually make you stronger.


Let go of bitterness over tiny things – traffic, loud people on the train, an annoying coworker. Stop letting the little things ruin your day. They can become pretty powerful, if you let them.


Let go of mediocrity, of any tendency you have to not give it your all. Don’t be a mediocre friend, a mediocre employee, a mediocre partner. Don’t feel mediocre about your job and don’t feel mediocre about the things you spend your time on outside of your job. Work towards greatness, in everything that you do. It doesn’t mean you have to be great at everything all the time, but you have to at least aim for it.


Let go of negative self-talk. Of telling yourself that you’re not good enough or you’re not successful enough or that you are undeserving of love. You will probably never fully get to this point, of being truly immune to negative self-talk. But you can certainly make a dent in decreasing it, and in making a conscious effort to be more kind and loving towards yourself.


Let go of wasting stupid amounts of money on things that are not worth it or things you don’t care about.


Let go of the loud world you let yourself live in, with constant notifications and noise and scrolling and liking and sharing and clicking. Let yourself have some peace, or even just a moment to live in your own mind and to listen to your own thoughts, without someone or something trying to steal your attention.


Let go of toxic thoughts, toxic things, toxic people, your own toxic behavior. Focus on being kind, on putting more goodness into the world, on giving and loving and making other people happy and relishing in how happy that makes you in return. Spread love and spread light. TC mark

33 Sassy and Strong Quotes From Powerful Women To Get You Through Life

Posted: 01 Jan 2017 04:00 PM PST

1. Seize the moment, 'cause tomorrow you might be dead.
Buffy Summers
2. If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?
3. If anyone ever boos you off stage, that is simply applause from ghosts.
Sharon Needles
4. I embrace mistakes, they make you who you are.
5. Life's too short to bullshit.
Naomi Campbell
6. If you have something about yourself that's different, you're lucky. It's not a curse.
Taylor Swift
7. You're not gonna tell me who I am. I'm gonna tell you who I am.
Nicki Minaj
8. Water off a duck's back.
Jinkx Monsoon
9. Bitches get stuff done.
Tina Fey
10. Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.
Marilyn Monroe


How To Use Psychology To Make Someone Fall (And Stay) In Love With You

Posted: 01 Jan 2017 03:00 PM PST

Leo Hidalgo
Leo Hidalgo

Do you believe that love can't be controlled?

Do you believe that if a person doesn't love you from the outset, there's no chance?

Do you believe that it's impossible to make a person fall madly deeply in love with you?

If you've answered yes, it's also highly likely you believe in chance and fate. Its ok, a lot of people do! The majority of people are under the impression that love is something that can't be changed, and they also believe it's something that can't be manipulated.

I guess I was also guilty of this once.

But extensive research carried out over the years has proved that you can indeed control love. And it can all be done through the power of the mind. It's all a matter of learning how to use your mind correctly.

You see, love is no different to other psychological emotions that you might experience on a day-to-day basis such as:

• Fear
• Stress
• Jealousy
• Self-pity
• Anxiety

The above emotions can be controlled, and as love falls under the category of "psychological emotions," it can also be controlled. Controlling love as an emotion is just as easy as controlling fear, excitement or stress etc. The problem lies in what we've been taught to believe. Over the years, we've been conditioned to believe that love is something that "just happens." It all depends on "fate.”

The reality however is far different. With the right knowledge, you can use the psychology of love to make him or her fall in love with you and never look back. Now, nothing's foolproof, which means this won't work 100% all the time, but you'll improve your chances dramatically. If you could triple your chances at making someone genuinely fall in love with you, why wouldn't you try?


Here’s The Kind Of Love You Should Settle For In 2017

Posted: 01 Jan 2017 02:00 PM PST

Settle for the kind of love that's extraordinary in all of its ordinariness. Find the person who makes you feel excited to spend Saturday doing nothing, as long as you're doing nothing with them.

Settle for the kind of love that makes you unbelievably happy to sit there and spend your Sunday night sending work emails, or folding your clothes after pulling them out of the dryer, or chopping up vegetables while you make your meals for the week – as long as they are sitting next to you and keeping you company. Because no matter what you're doing, no matter how boring the task, it's still so wonderful if you get to be near them while you do it.

Settle for the kind of love where you feel like you can just talk to them. Like you don't have to be funny or clever or entertaining enough to 'earn' their attention. You can just talk to them and say the things that are on your mind and admit if you're stressed about work or that you're missing your mom – and you won't worry about boring them or chasing them away with your uneventfulness, because the two of you have formed the kind of bond that strips away all expectations of being interesting and fascinating and cool all the time, and instead just lets you be your damn selves.

Settle for the kind of love that simultaneously makes you feel accepted for who you are but also makes you want to be a better person.

Find someone who encourages you and supports you and loves you for you. But also, find someone whom you admire so much and respect so much and like so much that you instinctively just want to be a better person, every day, because you feel safe and supported enough to try for it, even if you fail.

Find someone who looks at you and sees you. Someone who puts their phone down, not just when you're upset, but even just when you're there, in front of them, and they want to show you that you matter more to them than a bunch of things happening inside of a little rectangle that will still be there in five minutes from now. Find someone who looks you in the eye and makes you feel seen and hears you but also listens to you. Find someone who makes you want to do the same for them.

Settle for the kind of love that is hard, and challenging, and so worth every ounce of effort and sacrifice and joy that you put into it. Settle for the kind of love that is rare in its everyday sense of happiness and contentment, the kind of love that grows out of little, tiny moments of affection and thoughtfulness and tenderness and warmth. Settle for that kind of love, and you won't be settling for anything. TC mark

This Is How Your Heart Will Break In 2017, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Posted: 01 Jan 2017 01:00 PM PST

(March 21st to April 19th)

Your impulsive tendencies and short temper will lead to and on again off again relationship. Eventually, even a partner that loves you won't be able to handle it and you'll find yourself alone.

(April 20th to May 21st)

You'll find yourself in a mutual breakup with someone you really do care for. And while your heart will break walking away from such a person who made you who you are today, you know it's time you do your own thing. That doesn't mean you won't find your way back again.

(May 22nd to June 21st)

Your heart is going to break clinging to an old love you can't seem to let go of. On the surface you won't show any pain, you'll be as fun and carefree as people know you to be. But at night you're going think back to the person you used to come home to.

(June 22nds to July 22nd)

Your heart is going to break getting hurt by the same person whose heart you broke long ago. Your ego won't be able to take it and you'll find yourself just walking away the moment they try to play games with you.

(July 23rd to August 22nd)

You are going to find yourself in a relationship where you aren't appreciated and it'll break your heart to keep trying for someone who has gotten used to someone so rare like you. You have the best intentions but even the best of people get pushed to their limit. But just know, one relationship ending will lead you closer to one that won't and someone who will reciprocate all you have to give.

(August 23rd to September 22nd)

You are going to get hurt by not letting your guard down. While it's an admirable trait to be so independent, it's going to be difficult for you to let someone in. In the New Year, you'll find yourself getting close to someone but wanting to push them away.

(September 23rd to October 22nd)

You're inability to meet people halfway and put work into anyone other than yourself will leave you alone. You put yourself and your friends first but that will be hard when you find a relationship that needs your attention.

(October 23rd to November 22nd)

You are going to break your own heart hurting the heart of another who loved you dearly. You'll spend most of the year trying to win them back. As strong and stubborn as you are, you are going find it hard to admit when you're wrong. But when you finally realize it, it'll be too late.

(November 23rd to December 21st)

Your heart will break being in and out of many casual relationships. Your lack of emotions and inability to commit to one person will eventually leave you all by yourself. While independence is nice you'll come across one person who will change you.

(December 22nd to January 20th)

Your inability to get close to anyone and always keeping people at arm’s length will hurt you in the New Year. A lot of people don't know how sensitive you are but because of that, you keep your guard up. The toughest thing you'll find is that you push people away even the ones who truly care for you.

(January 21st to February 18th)

Your sarcasm will get you in trouble in the New Year. That and your inability to emotionally connect to people where you seem almost cold, will make your partner question how you really feel. You are a bit aloof to other people's needs that you'll find yourself dumped because of it.

(February 19th to March 20th)

You are going to break your heart loving the wrong person and trying too hard to win them over. As selfless and caring as you are, it's going bite you in the ass in the New Year because you'll find yourself falling for someone who has no intention of catching you. TC mark

20 Signs You’re Doing Better Than You Think You Are

Posted: 01 Jan 2017 12:00 PM PST

Screen Shot 2015-02-03 at 2.12.58 PM
Jocelyn Durston
  1. You paid the bills this month, and maybe even had extra to spend on non-necessities. It doesn’t matter how much you belabored the checks as they went out, the point is that they did, and you figured it out regardless.
  2. You question yourself. You doubt your life. You feel miserable some days. This means you’re still open to growth. This means you can be objective and self-aware. The best people go home at the end of the day and think: “or… maybe there’s another way.”
  3. You have a job. For however many hours, at whatever rate, you are earning money that helps you eat something, sleep on something, wear something every day. It’s not failure if it doesn’t look the way you thought it would – you’re valuing your independence and taking responsibility for yourself.
  4. You have time to do something you enjoy. Even if “what you enjoy” is sitting on the couch and ordering dinner and watching Netflix.
  5. You are not worried about where your next meal is coming from. There’s food in the fridge or pantry, and you have enough to actually pick and choose what you want to eat.
  6. You can eat because you enjoy it. It’s not a matter of sheer survival.
  7. You have one or two truly close friends. People worry about the quantity but eventually tend to realize the number of people you can claim to be in your tribe has no bearing on how much you feel intimacy, acceptance, community, or joy. At the end of the day, all we really want are a few close people who know us (and love us) no matter what.
  8. You could afford a subway ride, cup of coffee, or the gas in your car this morning. The smallest conveniences (and oftentimes, necessities) are not variables for you.
  9. You’re not the same person you were a year ago. You’re learning, and evolving, and can identify the ways in which you’ve changed for better and worse.
  10. You have the time and means to do things beyond the bare minimum. You’ve maybe been to a concert in the last few years, you buy books for yourself, you could take a day trip to a neighboring city if you wanted – you don’t have to work all hours of the day to survive.
  11. You have a selection of clothing at your disposal. You aren’t worried about having a hat or gloves in a blizzard, you have cool clothes for the summer and something to wear to a wedding. You not only can shield and decorate your body, but can do so appropriately for a variety of circumstances.
  12. You can sense what isn’t right in your life. The first and most crucial step is simply being aware. Being able to communicate to yourself: “something is not right, even though I am not yet sure what would feel better.”
  13. If you could talk to your younger self, you would be able so say: “We did it, we made it out, we survived that terrible thing.” So often people carry their past traumas into their present lives, and if you want any proof that we carry who we were in who we are, all you need to do is see how you respond to your inner child hearing, you’re going to be okay, from the person they became.
  14. You have a space of your own. It doesn’t even have to be a home or apartment (but that’s great if it is). All you need is a room, a corner, a desk, where you can create or rest at your discretion; where you govern who gets to be part of your weird little world, and to what capacity. It’s one of the few controls we can actually exert.
  15. You’ve lost relationships. More important than the fact that you’ve simply had them in the first place is that you or your former partner chose not to settle. You opened yourself to the possibility of something else being out there.
  16. You’re interested in something. Whether it’s now how to live a happier life, maintain better relationships, reading or movies or sex or society or the axis on which the world spins, something intrigues you to explore it.
  17. You know how to take care of yourself. You know how many hours of sleep you need to feel okay the next day, who to turn to when you’re heartbroken, what you have fun doing, what to do when you don’t feel well, etc.
  18. You’re working toward a goal. Even if you’re exhausted and it feels miles away, you have a dream for yourself, however vague and malleable.
  19. But you’re not uncompromisingly set on anything for your future. Some of the happiest and best adjusted people are the ones who can make any situation an ideal, who are too immersed in the moment to intricately plan and decidedly commit to any one specific outcome.
  20. You’ve been through some crap. You can look at challenges you currently face and compare them to ones you thought you’d never get over. You can reassure yourself through your own experience. Life did not get easier, you got smarter.
TC mark

Want more articles like this? Check out Brianna Wiest’s book The Truth About Everything here.


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2017 — I’m Ready For You

Posted: 01 Jan 2017 11:00 AM PST


This year:

I want to learn to embrace the parts of myself that often make me feel alone, that often make me want to isolate myself further. This does not accomplish anything. So, this year, I want to let myself be seen. I want to give people the option to love me, exactly as I am. If I can learn to embrace the pieces of myself that are usually kept under lock and key, perhaps the rest of the world can to.

I want to take risks. Big ones. I want to challenge myself beyond belief. I want to set goals and chase them, not for any other reason but because I am willing and able, because I have the utmost belief that I can accomplish anything I set my mind to.

I want to love fully. This encompasses myself and others. I want to experience an entirely new dimension to love, the kind that is freely given, and wholly received. The kind that does not judge or question, but lives with arms flung open. Not out of desperation or convenience, but solely based on a true and deep connection.

I want to build relationships with new people. I want to build better relationships with people I already know. Strangers. Family. Acquaintances. Co-workers. Neighbors. People that challenge me, people that stir excitement in my belly, people that understand the place that I am in and the place that I want to work towards.

I want to find peace. I want to feel contentment in the pit of my stomach when I close my eyes at night. I want to feel so utterly complete that there is nothing that can deter me from the path ahead of me.

I want to help others achieve this peace as well, which is to say, I want to spend the year encouraging and uplifting those around me. I want to make sure that, at the end of the day, I am helping to nurture kindness in all of the people around me, and in turn, nurturing that kindness in myself.

2017. I am ready for you. Bring on all of your detours, all of the inevitable challenges, all of the sleepless nights, and whirlwind days.

I am turning all of my wants into plans. I want but I also plan to do. And this year, that will make all of the difference. TC mark

Alison Malee is a poet and the author of the book Shifting Bone.

Shifting Bone is available as a physical and electronic book. You can buy it here