Thought Catalog

I Wish All Conversations Were Like The Ones We Have At 2 AM

Posted: 19 Jan 2017 11:00 PM PST

Everton Vila
Everton Vila

I wish all conversations
were like the ones we have
at 2 AM,
when the world is quiet
and our heartbeats loud.

I wish all the words we shared were as
honest and raw
as the ones that escape
from our lips
during one night's end
and one morning's beginning.

Because it's at 2 AM
when our humanity
tends to let its guard down,
and show through.
It's at 2 AM when
we let all of ourselves
be seen completely:
Ugly and unafraid.
Beautiful and ready
for love.

But mostly I just wish
I had another 2AM
to spend with you. TC mark

44 People Confess The Proudest Sexual Achievement Of Their Lives

Posted: 19 Jan 2017 08:00 PM PST

God & Man
God & Man
Found on AskReddit.

1. My husband was cheating on me with a girl, so I slept with her, too.

"My husband was cheating on me with a girl, so I slept with her, too. He was pretty pissed. Haha."


2. I ate a donut off a guy's dick once.

"I ate a donut off a guy's dick once."


3. I once sexed a girlfriend's hair extensions off her head.

"I once sexed a girlfriend's hair extensions off her head."


4. One time when my wife was riding me it was so good for her she drooled on me.

"One time when my wife was riding me it was so good for her she drooled on me."


5. My wife sucked my cock while I licked my best friend’s wife’s asshole and she sucked his dick.

"My wife sucked my cock while I licked my best friend’s wife’s asshole and she sucked his dick."


6. I took an Arab girl’s virginity on the tenth anniversary of 9/11.

"Probably the foursome I had with three girls. Or the time I took an Arab girl’s virginity on the tenth anniversary of 9/11."


7. I am so abnormally tight that I inadvertently caused my ex’s frenulum to rip.

"I am so abnormally tight that I inadvertently caused my ex’s frenulum to rip, needing dick stitches."


8. I literally had my cock given as a birthday present.

"A fuckbuddy of mine liked it so much she convinced one of her girlfriends to fuck me on her birthday. I literally had my cock given as a birthday present. Pretty good ego trip."


9. Had sex with a trainee nun.

"Had sex with a trainee nun. Her flatmate was appalled."


10. He came so hard that he lost his vision momentarily.

"Giving my boyfriend of the time head. When he came, he came so hard that he lost his vision momentarily. I was really proud of that."


11. As soon as we both finished our orgasms, the National Anthem started playing.

"I don’t know if this is much of a physical achievement, but more so in timing.

My wife and I live next to a military base, and just as soon as we both finished our orgasms, the National Anthem started playing.

The timing alone made us both instantly lose it."


12. A woman once said to me panting, 'that was the best sex in the history of my vagina.'

"A woman once said to me panting, 'that was the best sex in the history of my vagina.' Head never shrank after that."


13. Made my girlfriend cum so hard she blacked out for a few seconds.

"Made my girlfriend cum so hard she blacked out for a few seconds."


14. Had sex with Latina MILF twice my age. She called out sick on Monday because she was sore.

"I was 21 and working in a call center for an auto finance company processing dealer paperwork. There was this MILFY Latina chick that I had no idea was into me. I was really fat and ended up losing a lot of weight while I was there. Anyways she called me her flaco. I was oblivious and a little awkward at this time. So finally it was our company Christmas party and she had gotten a room at the hotel where the party was. Our group was drinking and finally she asked me if I wanted to dance. We danced for a while and she asked if I wanted to have dinner. I said sure and was surprised when she led me up to her room. One thing led to another and 21-year-old me got this hot MIlF who was twice my age. We went four rounds that night and twice more in the morning.

She called out sick on Monday and said that she was sore from working out and couldn’t walk. I guess word got out and all of the women she talked to looked at me differently.

TLDR had sex with Latina MILF twice my age. She called out sick on Monday because she was sore."


15. I’ve slept with more girls than my boyfriend.

"I’ve slept with more girls than my boyfriend."


16. Converted my wife to anal.

"My fetish is anal sex, both giving and receiving. Finding women who actually enjoy it is difficult, though. I met a woman who told me she’d probably never try it with me, because she’d done it before and didn’t like it. I ended up marrying her, because in every other way she’s perfect to me. I had come to terms with the reality of never being able to indulge my fetish again. Then, in some wonderful stroke of luck, she got it in her head one day to ask me to try anal. We did, and she loved it. So much so, that we now strictly stick to anal sex. Couldn’t have worked out more perfectly for me."


17. When I put it in her for the first time and she was like 'Holy shit that's big!'

"When I put it in her for the first time and she was like 'Holy shit that's big!'"


18. I shot like 8+ feet once.

"I shot like 8+ feet once."


19. One time made her convulse for like 5 minutes straight after I had stopped fucking her.

"GF occasionally convulses when she orgasms….One time made her convulse for like 5 minutes straight after I had stopped fucking her. I jokingly call them 'aftershocks' :-)"


20. I fucked my best friend’s mom when I was 18.

"I fucked my best friend’s mom when I was 18. She was the hot MILF that everyone teased him about wanting to fuck. One night, while drinking she pulled me into her room and had her way with me."


21. She brought her two better -looking friends along to join in.

"Once was supposed to hook up with this girl, she brought her two better -looking friends along to join in. ‘Twas the greatest night of my life."


22. Maintaining an erection for more than four hours and NOT going to the doctor.

"Maintaining an erection for more than four hours and NOT going to the doctor."


23. An orgy of 20+ participants.

"Participating in an orgy of 20+ participants. Also multiple FFM experiences. I am a guy."


24. I made a non-squirter spray across the room.

"I made a non-squirter spray across the room after sessions of practice. That was pretty cool."


25. I had a girl blindfolded, bound and gagged, balls deep in her ass, within 15 minutes of meeting her.

"I used to write a sex blog which attracted a certain sort of girl, so I have a few stories. But the tl;dr version is that at one point I had a girl blindfolded, bound and gagged, balls deep in her ass, within 15 minutes of meeting her for the first time in person. And that kind of thing happened quite a few times back in those days."


26. I got a blowjob from three different women in three days.

"I got a blowjob from three different women in three days. That hot streak ended when I married one of them."


27. Revenge-egged my ex-girlfriend's house, then fucked the shit out of her.

"Man, I love this story.

Few years back, I was drinking (heavily) with a few of my friends.

For some reason we got into conversation about our exes, and somehow I started getting into how much of a bitch my last ex was. (She had egged my car after we broke up, among being crazy)

It was then I realized that she still lived not too far from where we were partying.

I/we decided to egg her house as swift justice.

Being really drunk, and loud, she saw us do it through her big window.

I woke up to about 15 missed calls and a few nasty text messages/voicemails.

I sincerely apologized, and told her that I felt like an asshole.

After she cleaned the windows/car she said she wanted to come over and talk to me about this whole mess.

After talking a bit, I convinced her to stay for dinner.

I ordered us greasy Chinese food, then fucked the shit out of her.

As she was leaving she apologized to me for egging my car in the first place.

I actually never talked to her again after that."


28. Got hotel breakfast in bed and round four in the morning by two MILFs.

"Got hotel breakfast in bed and round four in the morning by two MILFs (age 39 and 44). I was 22 at the time. Luckiest night of my life so far! Food in between sex is magical!…and getting oral while eating bacon is divine…"


29. First time I went down on my girl and first time ever for both of us, she went cross-eyed for like 10 min.

"First time I went down on my girl and first time ever for both of us, she went cross-eyed for like 10 min. When asked about it later she said, I did what?! 😂😂"


30. Fucked someone with my foot, ordered chicken at climax.

"Well I was not expecting to do what I did, but just went with it.

So a friend of mine, a friendship of delights you might call us, and I are laying on our backs, clothed and on the floor. She’s got her head by my feet, my head by her feet.

So she lifts her leg closest as it’s a bit cramped (you can guess why), and so I move into the space, pull her leg down into my chest and gently massage her leg to help. She thanks me and continues to look online for takeout food to order.

My right foot just glances past her downstairs and she jokes “that feels nice”. I’m feeling horny, so I think “let’s try something”. I take my right foot and place the ball and toes over her clit, and start rubbing. Gentle and slow, sometimes rubbing side to side by wagging my foot. Then I start making fists with the toes, clenching them and pulling at her clit. She moans and gets more and more into it.

Beforehand, she was ordering food, right? So as she’s getting close, she still has the phone up. She cums so hard the phone slips onto her face. This completes the order for chicken, and one portion of foot masturbation.

TL;DR: Fucked someone with my foot, ordered chicken at climax."


31. Girl told me to stop fingering her because 'she was making a mess.'.

"Girl told me to stop fingering her because 'she was making a mess.'"


32. I went on vacation for a week and hooked up with seven different women.

"I went on vacation for a week and hooked up with seven different women. One day I had a dry spell I made up with a threesome later in the trip."


33. Making a woman squirt for two hours straight.

"Making a woman squirt for two hours straight."


34. Had two days of amazing sex with my celebrity crush.

"Had two days of amazing sex with my celebrity crush."


35. Gave her so many orgasms she could barely crawl off me because she was shaking so much.

"Gave her multiple orgasms, the last one she could barely crawl off me because she was shaking so much. She insisted after to give me a BJ in order to repay me."


36. Getting my tip into my own mouth.

"Getting my tip into my own mouth."


37. I’ve never been squirted on so much. Had to flip the mattress because of it.

"I know this sounds like complete bullshit but I swear on everything it’s true. My ex-girlfriend got off so easy with me for some reason. Got her off 11 times in 20 minutes with her on top. I just laid there for the most part, but I’ve never been squirted on so much. Had to flip the mattress because of it. The next morning she told me she felt like she did an ab workout."


38. She told everyone in school, 'He’s huge, lasts forever, and knows exactly what he’s doing.'

"Age 16, took my girlfriend’s virginity and she came, I didn’t. 2nd time, she came and I didn’t. 3rd time, she came and I didn’t. You get the picture. I was death grip masturbating every day at the time, and I had been for about 5 years so it took me 40+ minutes to cum from pussy, and blowjobs did nothing. Around time 5 or 6 she was super frustrated and intent on getting me to cum. Sex lasted about 45 (very rough) minutes. She came 4 times and I came during her 4th. Next day, she was completely crippled and told some of the girls on the crew team. Got a lot of smirks and giggles from a few of em.

When we broke up (due to her sister telling her parents that I was kind of a really bad guy, not to the GF but in general. I was, what some may call, a “dope boy”. We still cared about each other a lot), we stayed friends and after just a few days were hooking up again. She told her very gorgeous friend on the crew team about it and her friend asked her why she was still hooking up with me if it was impossible for us to be together because of her parents, and, to paraphrase what she said, it was basically 'he’s huge, lasts forever, and knows exactly what he’s doing.' As a 16-year-old kid who’d only been with two girls and had sex a grand total of 3 times before I started dating this girl, this was reassuring, especially being a pretty chubby dude at the time. Ex GF's hot friend told quite a few people and I got a pretty great reputation from it. One girl in the grade below me referred to me as 'the kid with the fuckin' water bottle down there' at a party. Made up for a lot of the shit I went though that year.

TL;DR Was a chubby-ass 16-year-old who crippled a girl from dick and got a nice little nickname for it, enjoyed the rest of high school."


39. My husband has never been able to cum with another woman.

"My husband has never been able to cum with another woman. So literally every time he cums with me is my greatest sexual achievement."


40. Made my girl cum 53 times.

"This is completely true, and without a doubt the greatest sexual achievement of all time.

My girl and me were just in bed, fooling around, when I decided to go down on her. She’s a squirter so we had towels put down below before I went to work. There was something special that went down that day. I made her cum once, then not long after again, then again, then again.. My jaw stated solid, my tongue and lips stayed strong, and about twelve orgasms in and a beard covered in lady juices, I decided to start counting. Over and over I made her cum, hef whole body comforting almost out of place, but I held her down. We hit twenty, but now it only took twenty to thirty seconds between each orgasm. Thirty. Forty. Fifty. I finally gave in at about 53 orgasms. With that, I wiped off my face, laid back, and was just grinning.
Tldr/ made my girl cum 53 times."


41. She told me I went too deep.

"Being told I went too deep."


42. She would basically have a chronic orgasm till her cooch wore out.

"When I was with my ex we went through a period where from penetration she would basically have a chronic orgasm till her cooch wore out."


43. She constantly told everyone how massive my dick is and how it hurt her jaw to give me head.

"I dated a girl that was 9 years older than me and she constantly told everyone how massive my dick is and how it hurt her jaw to give me head. It was always a nice ego boost for me to just stand there and be like yup, what she said."


44. Like the male lion, I mated for an entire day.

"I am a king of the jungle.

From 0800-1600 a 12 hour period. I stopped to eat two times, smoke three times, and the rest of the day was pounding and pounding,

Like the male lion, I mated for an entire day.

It was difficult, it was exciting, it involved one very willing participant and the girls friend holding the camera.

Was she sore? Yes. Very. Highly.

Was I sore? Yeah it is definitely not something I’d ever try again.

How did I do it? I was 21 and liquor makes me and my stamina as hard as Chinese algebra when you’re stoned."

Dasbaus TC mark

26 People On The Most Disturbing Confession Someone Casually Gave Them

Posted: 19 Jan 2017 07:00 PM PST

Unsplash, User avatar Mathew MacQuarrie @matmacq Mathew MacQuarrie
Unsplash, User avatar
Mathew MacQuarrie
Mathew MacQuarrie

1. She murdered her abusive husband

“I used to help out at a nursing home. This old Russian lady would relate the same tale over and over. Her husband drank and hit her. It was sad for sure. But one day she leaned over and whispered, ‘He was asshole drunk, so I pushed him down stairs. Dead.'” — PowerWordCoffee

2. He encouraged depressed people to commit suicide

“Told me that he used to go on forums and boards dedicated to people struggle with depression, and he’d PM the ones who were feeling suicidal with instructions on how to go about killing themselves, and give encouragement to do so.

I’ve never lost so much respect for a person within the duration of a couple minutes.” — JohnBoddy

3. He planned to murder his ex-wife’s new boyfriend

“A customer of mine told me he had planned the kidnap and murder of his ex-wife’s new partner. He had even bought all the supplies he needed to carry out the plan. His intent was to douse him in petrol and burn him alive…” — uncle_monty

4. She was in love with her brother

“A colleague confessed that she had sex with her brother throughout her childhood and early adolescence. She also told me she despises her brother’s wife because she is in love with her brother and is insanely jealous of his life and kids. She has never had a relationship and fears she will never be married or have kids of her own.” — Keystoner

5. She killed her best friend

“‘I killed my best friend by accident while high on cocaine, one year ago.’ She was also my girlfriend.” — DaMisterO

6. They raped innocent children

“I used to investigate child abuse. People would sit down and tell me about their day, and their finances, and their car troubles, and their bad knee, and how they raped a four-year-old because she was leading them on and don’t you think 4-year-olds are getting way too sexy nowadays — all in one conversation.

Sometimes you could forget who you were talking to and part of you would think this person seems alright, and then you realize that’s how they went unnoticed for so long.” — effieokay

7. He used to sleep with his underage students

“I was having a few beers with another (much older) teacher, he told me he used to sleep with thirteen-year-olds when he was 30 and living in his hometown.” — [deleted]

8. My father was raped and then became a rapist

“That would definitely be when my father drove 2000 miles to my home to sit down and for the first time be brazenly open about how he was raped by his cousin when he was 12 and how he has been a pedophile since, but its okay, because he was raped as a child and, hey, turned out okay.

This comes out of the woodwork as he was preparing for trial because he volunteered his computer to the police and it had kiddie porn on it.

His trial is in March.” — SonofBadDad

9. A child killed someone

“When I was in 4th grade one of my friends broke down in tears and told me that he had murdered someone. And that’s why he moved away from CA. As a very gullible 9 year old, I walked around with the burden of knowing a murderer for about a week.” — nbsffreak212

10. He purposely spread his STD

“They gave four virgins chlamydia.

Instantly thought less of this person.” — Geosaurusrex

11. He fucked his cousin’s corpse

“My friend said he was left alone with the body of his dead cousin during the funeral (everyone got personal time to say goodbye or whatever) and he had sex with it. He cried when he told us. I have no other information.” — meowmixmeowmix123

12. She murdered a dog

“Someone close to me killed her step-dad’s dog by feeding it tylenol PM in peanut butter because it annoyed her.” — lunchbockslarry

13. They wanted to eat human flesh

“That they have had cannibalistic thoughts in the past.” — Cats_Of_Olympus

14. He was a pedophile

“That my great-uncle likes kids. It suddenly made a whole lot more sense that none of his adult daughters were ever married/had a serious LTR and are overweight with self-esteem issues. Every other aspect of his life is perfectly normal and I would have never expected that from him. There was a court case before I was born that was dismissed. My mother never even let me meet him until early this year, because she didn’t want to take the chance that he might act indecently towards me.” — Limpfoot

15. He shot seven men

“I work with a Polish dude who barely speaks English… He’s a loveable 40-something dude, who just drinks vodka and laughs infectiously all day long. A textbook carefree scamp.

Every couple of months everyone from work heads to a bar that hook us up with half price drinks for that particular night. It’s pretty sweet… So anyway, this Polish dude and i were at the end of a long 10 person bench laughing about nothing and drinking ice cold cruiser, after ice cold cruiser. It was great.

Eventually we (somehow) got onto the topic of what he did before he came to England… After a few brews his English became even more scattered, but he did try, bless him.

So he says he was in the army and so on and so forth, after which he said ‘I shoot 7 men dead’. Now that might not seem too heavy for you, but it blew me away… He was on the front-lines during the Kosovan war (from what i could gather).

I couldn’t, and didn’t want to, get too much more out of him due to the language barrier. Also, some gnarly, illegal shit happened during that war, which I don’t think I could bear to know about.

Keep smiling, Pete.” — Vernon-T-Waldrip

16. He stole dirty underwear

“My friend who is this Grade A student goes over to all these different girls houses, not to have sex or anything. Just to steal their dirty underwear while they’re in the bathroom or they’re elsewhere. He has a full box (Which includes a pair of my sisters underwear which he admitted to stealing) in his “Pant-ry.” I’m surprised no one has noticed in his house. But to this day, I’m the only one who knows. Well, now the whole of Reddit knows. Hah fuck you, Scott… You panty stealing fuck.” — Slashlespaul1997

17. My ex fantasized about a 7-year-old

“One friend stabbed someone and the person did not survive. He wasn’t charged because he claims self-defense but he’s all fucked up about it, because he thought the person was armed and they weren’t.

When I was 13, my 16 year old friend told me she used to shit herself until she was 13 in an effort to keep her dad from molesting her. She threatened to call the cops and her dad committed suicide with a shotgun in their living room.

My ex told me that he fantasized about his 7 year old neighbor. That was 10 years ago, he’s fucked up and I know it. This same ex told me his uncle used to fall asleep with his genitals in his mouth with he was a kid.” — blahblahblahokay

18. My father murdered a hitchhiker

“Out of nowhere my ma tells me my dad drunkenly ‘confessed’ that he and his cousin (whom my mom later dated and had a kid with) picked up a hitchhiker out near the beach in the early 90’s. They were intoxicated and one thing lead to another and they ended up killing the guy and burying him in a remote location in some sand dunes. She assumed he was trying to scare her into staying with him since they were going through a breakup and she shrugged it off as machismo bullshit. So the story goes, years later a story comes up on the news, they are asking for information about remains found buried in a sand dune. She’s not really paying attention until they start describing this large belt buckle that may help identify the man… she flips the fuck out because my dad had bragged about taking the guy’s belt off, which had a huge Texas style buckle, and beating him with it… making fun of the buckle and stuff. Next day the cousin calls and tells her he or his buddies would not hesitate to kill us if she breathes a word.

Anyways, she always felt really guilty about not turning them in but after losing my sister (she died very young) she couldn’t fathom losing me as well. The rest is history. They are free dudes.” — 88superfreight

19. He stole meds to sell on the black market

“Stealing and selling medications from the hospital/ambulances to the members of some local ‘black market.’ This guy had a whole intricate plan, including alibis and possible coverups and stuff… It’s scary what lengths some people would go for money.” — mRNA-

20. He raped his own sister

“A friend had told me for years about the ‘dark secret’ in his past that he can’t tell anybody. Eventually he felt comfortable enough to confess, and he really was not exaggerating. When he was young he raped his younger sister. The family knew about it and they all got counseling and stuff at the time. He and his sister are friends now. But fuck.” — MyBoyMaslow

21. He grew up with a ghost

“I have a completely normal friend (we’re both in our early 40’s now) that shared with me his childhood story of living with a ghost. Every night he had a ghost that would walk down the hallway into his bedroom and just stare at him … sometimes making noises, but usually quiet. He was so petrified that he would pull the sheets over his head. When this first happened, he would scream or run down the hallway to his parent’s bedroom but they would always turn him back to his own bedroom and tell him that his imagination was running wild. Over time, he actually grew accustomed to this apparition, but was still freaked out by it.

I, personally, don’t believe in ghosts and think that it must have been something else. But because my friend has such a type-A and a ‘no-bullshit’ personality, I admit that I found it creepy (the hairs stood up on the back of my neck) to listen to him tell this story with such a nonchalant and straightforwardness. He eventually moved out of his childhood home when he was a teenager and these ‘ghost’ episodes have never reoccured. There are different people living in his childhood home now, and he said that he would never go back there again.” — coburndt

22. He gutted a horse

“My ex told me he killed a horse. He wasn’t drunk, he wasn’t dared or anything. He just saw a horse and decided, ‘I should kill this horse.’ He gutted it and everything — and he liked it.” — morgensternn

23. He told me he was searching for me

“My ex boyfriend could not handle our break up. I broke it off with him because of significant issues – drugs, stealing, etc. I finally got out of it. He didn’t. He would not give up on me. At first he was desperate at trying to get back with me, following me, waiting in obscure locations for when I walked to my car, and even threatening to kill himself if I didn’t see him. I blocked his numbers, changed my email, transferred colleges, moved a state away, and tried to move on with my life.

He was in and out of jail for drugs and stealing in addition to concealed weapons charges. Which was scary for me knowing all the times when he confronted me alone.

It was about 4 or so years later when I received the creepiest phone call. It was him calling to tell me that he was looking for me all this time. The tone of his voice, the horrific laughter, I freaked out. I called my parents and informed them, hey if I go missing this is who has me. I called campus security and made sure they had his description. He never showed up but my god, the voice on the other end of the line still brings chills.

It scares me to this day that he is out there possibly looking for me. Luckily I’ve become more aware of precautions to take. Pepper spray, learning self defense, etc. If I was in another state where obtaining a gun was easier, I would have done so. Unfortunately it’s not so easy where I am now. I do however have panic buttons and GPS locators so if something were to happen, I can be found.

I try not to let fear or paranoia run my life, I try to take the best precautions, but I will always have that fear that just around the corner, he will be waiting for me.”  — drowningwithoutwater

24. She had a hit list

“There was this girl in my school who I think was a selective mute; she only talked to a few people, and I was one of them. Then she told me that I’d never be on her hit list.” — [deleted]

25. He ran over a cat with his lawnmower

“In HS we were hanging out with this kid who was a grade lower than us and he started talking about how he buried a cat up to it’s head and then ran it over with a lawnmower. I didn’t believe that he actually did that (the cat would probably tear the shit out of you) but it was disturbing to think that this was the information he decided to share to impress us.” — longducdong

26. He would watch me sleep

“I had a friend confess that every time he stayed at my apartment (which was frequently, because we lived in different countries, sometimes he would stay for a month+ at a time) he watched me sleep. I woke with him staring at me, he was literally inches away from my face just staring and I freaked out, he broke down and confessed. My husband was asleep next to me!

That was the most creepy for sure. It also ended our friendship.”  — Susansays TC mark

How This Woman Reacted To Her Tinder Match Cancelling Their Date Is Hilariously Nuts

Posted: 19 Jan 2017 06:15 PM PST

via Imgur
via Imgur

In general, Tinder just kind of sucks. Everybody is there for different reasons, and tons of people are there just to play games. Which is cool, but it makes it hard to track down fun people who are after the same thing you are — be that dating, or just casual sex.

Imgur user  matched with this girl on Tinder, and apparently they got along well enough to exchange phone numbers.

via Imgur
via Imgur

After texting back and forth a bit, Brian asked her if she’d like to get drinks.

And he didn’t get a response. For like a long ass time. So he shrugged, and made some other plans for the evening.

Then she finally responded. But he politely told her that he had since made other plans and apologized.

How she responded wasn’t quite so gracious:

via Imgur
via Imgur

Wow, kinda extreme right?? Like, what is the point of this bitchy rant? Crazier yet, this girl isn’t done yet…

via Imgur
via Imgur

“Start aiming for girls more in your league”

LOL based on this girl’s crazy-ass response, she’s in the lowest league possibly. Looks are a factor, but this girl could be smokin’ and I still wouldn’t date her.

But wait, there’s more??

via Imgur
via Imgur

I feel like this girl needs to jump off Tinder and work on her issues. Jeez, I kinda hope this was a joke because I’m legit concerned. Bless you Brian for not responding to that hot mess, because I’d be mega pissed.

Have any of you had online dating experiences as wild as this one?? TC mark

24 Men Reveal Exactly Why It Annoys Them When Their Girlfriend Discusses Their Sex Life Behind Their Back

Posted: 19 Jan 2017 06:00 PM PST


1. A lot

It would bother me a fair bit, I like my privacy and I wouldn’t appreciate her sharing things like that.

— Hawks_2008

2. Seriously a lot

You don’t tell the folks at a dinner party that your GF is into face-to-face anal where the guy spits in her mouth.

I think we can all agree that that would be kinda inconsiderate.

But apparently women tell their girlfriends absolutely fucking everything. And that is, quite simply, completely fucking out of order.

— Tammylan

3. It depends

I’m OK with her girlfriends knowing everything. Her mom knowing? Well, not really, but it wouldn’t bother me that much.

— Testiculese

4. It truly depends

It would depend on what it is. If she was telling them some really embarrassing issue that I have – that would bother me. But if she was just telling them a description of something we did… that wouldn’t bother me.

— Klx3908

5. Would rather she not

For me, I’d still rather she not tell anyone, even if it is flattering. I don’t care for my MIL thinking about my monster cock when she sees me.

— Extra_Daft_Benson

6. Totally unacceptable — ended our friendship

I had this happen once with someone I was seeing. After we messed around, she shared details and my sexual history with other people.

She and I are no longer friends because of it, and she knows precisely why. Its a breach of trust, privacy, etiquette, and common sense.

— Diablo165

7. They shouldn’t, but they will

Hate to break it to you, but girls talk all the time, in detail. I slept with a few girls, but as a gentleman I kept my mouth shut. But still, everybody knew everything, in detail. I’ve also been on the other side, where girls will tell me very intimate details about people I know, especially when it’s in mixed company.

— drunken_man_whore

8. Zero tolerance

With you on this one. I generally live my life with a zero tolerance for shitty etiquette I don’t agree with, one being my SO telling everyone our sexual exploits. I very nearly lost it on her on a double date cuz she wouldn’t stop telling her best friend we did right in front of me.

— drifter006

9. Would bother me a lot

It would bother me very much. Most of her friends are my friends and most of mine are hers, and I value my privacy, so I would be very unhappy about it.

— LordWalderFrey1

10. A lot — and yes, it includes your BFF!

A lot. Too many women don’t understand that “intimate private and secret stuff” doesn’t mean “except with my BFF because I tell her everything.”

Because the fucking BFF also has another best friend she has no secret for, and so on and so on.

— n0ggy

11. Our personal life is ours

I have told mine that our personal life is ours. I don’t share any of that with anyone else. Nor do I want her doing the same.

— jebthereb

12. Doesn’t matter unless I explicitly say

It’s something I pretty much assume is going to happen. I’m OK with it. If I don’t want her to tell anyone else, I’d say “just keep this between us.” If she tells other people about it after that, then it’s a problem.

— B0000000BS

13. She did a *lot* without permission

Oh, I had an ex-girlfriend who did a lot worse. She kept taking pictures and videos of me naked, and then circulated them around our group of friends, without my consent.

She did a lot of things that I didn’t agree to… Such as talking me into pay for a weekend away, under the pretense that we would be able to spend some decent time together… only for her to break away the first chance she got to hook up with her ex-girlfriend who lived nearby. She even went so far as to text me about their kinky shenanigans whilst I sat waiting in the hotel…

And then when I cut her out of my life, I’m the bad guy. I become a pariah amongst our shared friends, and her ex-girlfriend does everything she can to ruin my reputation. She is a big part of the reason why I stay single these days.

— Levitus01

14. Yeah, sex should be just between us

Yeah it would bother me, our sex life is something between her and I and I don’t want other people to know about it.

— aVeryConfusedGuy

15. She went behind my back

This happened to me. My girlfriend was secretly texting her ex-boyfriend about our relationship and seeking his advice on personal issues. The gut punch is that this guy had cheated on her twice and severely emotionally abused her in the past.

In other words, she decided to trust a serial cheater and abuser over me. In her eyes, my opinion – about my own fucking relationship – was literally worth less than his.

It damn near killed me. Put me into depression. I forgave her, and then a month later she used me to buy her vacation tickets and then dumped me the next week claiming that I wasn’t sexually attractive enough and this wasn’t gonna work.

— Nobodyatnight

16. I don’t like it, but I’ve accepted it

I don’t like it, but at this point I automatically assume it’s going to happen. I have yet to be proven wrong on this. Best bet is to hope that it’s flattering.

— Pariah_D0g

17. Confidence should stay in confidence

If I’m confiding in someone, be it my partner or anyone else, I expect them to not disclose that information.

— AverageUnknown

18. Quite a LOT

Quite a lot. If I wanted her friends to know about my sex life, I’d tell them myself. The last thing I need is to get weird looks from them whenever I walk into a room, and feel self-conscious about it.

— Greyfeld

19. It’s a dealbreaker

It would piss me the fuck off that’s for sure. When you tell someone something in confidence and then they use it for conversation fodder with their friends its a huge violation of trust. I would never share stuff like that about my wife and I expect her to have enough respect for me to do the same.

— anillop

20. Learned to accept it, but it’s still BS

I’ve learned to accept it, it’s okay now (I’ve been involved in “worse” that I’ve learned to feel comfortable with anyway).

But I do feel there is a blatant double standard with that, as well as a strong inconsistency with general expectations of privacy between people.

Thing is, I don’t know if this goes with my type of girls, but they usually liked to have that sort of discussion as part of girls talk. It bothered me a lot. But the world is what it is and I started to make do with it.

— kumesana

21. Big, BIG red flag!

That’s a red flag to me if I found out. Some things are meant only for her and me, not to be shared with anyone else and running to friends with any intimate details of our lives is simply immature. You live with your partner and you create family with them, not with your friends. If you don’t understand it, then well, bye.

— mohers

22. Don’t mind — we are both transparent.

We are both open about sex and feel like there is too much sensitivity and taboo around it. Part of making something normal is talking about it like it’s normal. Obviously there’s a time and a place, but yeah I don’t have a problem knowing she talks about our sex life with her girlfriends.

— rapiertwit

23. Women will gossip. End of story.

At this point it’s safe to say every single “secret” I tell any woman will be gossiped about with all her friends. Of course she (if she’s my girlfriend) will tell the secret in a positive light, I’m just saying that it will be told, and there should be no expectation of confidentiality when talking with a woman.

— MizterUltimaman

24. It really depends.

Depends. If I told it in a very vulnerable and intimate situation, where secrecy and privacy are implied, then it would be a very big problem. If it’s something I shared with her in a fun and playful setting, which can still be intimate, but not as personal, then it wouldn’t bother me at all.

— Gangster301

She’s Going To Lose Interest In Sex If You Keep Doing These 30 Dirtbag Things

Posted: 19 Jan 2017 05:00 PM PST

1. Wearing the same exact pair of boxers all the damn time.

2. Taking your junk out through the hole in your boxers when she’s giving you a blowjob instead of actually removing your clothing (especially if there’s a cartoon character on them that she’d be forced to stare at).

3. Misjudging where the clitoris is and rubbing her in a random spot that does nothing for her.

4. Frequently eating food that you know is going to make your semen taste disgusting.

5. Assuming that she’s ready for penetration, just because she feels wet (it might just be discharge, guys).

6. Refusing to eat her out, because you don’t like the taste.

7. Expecting her to continue riding you, even though it’s clear she’s worn out, instead of putting her into a new position and taking control.

8. Telling her to orgasm for you. You’re trying to sound sexy, but all she hears is that she’s taking too long.

9. Arguing with her every time she asks you to put a condom on, even though she’s only trying to be responsible.

10. Looking at the wall or the headboard or the television instead of looking her in the eyes.

11. Letting your fingernails grow too long and then trying to finger her with them.

12. Expecting her to immediately return the favor every time you go down on her or give her a massage.

13. Kissing her when your beard is scratchy — it’s super painful and is going to turn her face all red.

14. Getting pissed off when she turns down sex.

15. Putting her into the same exact positions every time you have sex. And using the same dirty talk lines without slipping in anything new.

16. Repeatedly trying to do something that she’s already told you is off limits.

17. Constantly asking questions about what position she wants to be placed in instead of making a decision yourself.

18. Letting the dog or cat into the room (or even worse, onto the bed).

19. Skipping foreplay and going straight for sex.

20. Turning down sex whenever she initiates it (not because you’re tired, but because you want to make her see how rejection feels).

21. Pushing her head toward your body when she’s giving you a blowjob.

22. Making any non-positive comment about her body, like that she needs to shave soon.

23. Lasting so long that she starts to feel sore.

24. Comparing her to someone else you’ve had sex with in the past.

25. Trying to schedule sex instead of letting it happen naturally.

26. Being a dead fish while she does all of the work, all of the time.

27. Forgetting to brush your teeth and put on deodorant beforehand.

28. Closing your eyes to fantasize the entire time instead of enjoying her body.

29. Trying to have sex with her when your mother is in the next room, close enough for her to hear.

30. Falling asleep as soon as you orgasm without giving her what she needs. TC mark

How You Should Treat Someone Whose Heart You Broke

Posted: 19 Jan 2017 04:00 PM PST


Appreciate them.

No one is telling you to force your feelings. But still feel something. Feel grateful and blessed that someone saw something in you, something so special that they were willing to fight for you, forgive you and put aside all the nonsense about "not being ready" for a relationship to be in a relationship with you. Let them know how grateful you are for everything they did, tried to do and are probably still willing to do because to them, you are worth the chase.

We only come across such a person once in a lifetime and sometimes not at all. So maybe they weren't your person, but understand that to them, you were theirs. You hold a place in their heart, a place you didn't ask for and perhaps not even want. But don't brush them off. Appreciate them for wanting to shuffle around what was once important so they could make room in their heart for you. For taking the time to understand you and be there for you even when you couldn't be there for them. Simply because they weren't "the one," that does not mean that they were nothing at all.

They are not your ego-boosters.

It is flattering to be around those who are charmed by you. It gives you confidence and perhaps even gives you back the confidence ex-lovers took from you. But don't stick around them so they can make you feel better if you know you are only going to make them feel worse. Even if they become a very good friend, all friendships are a give and take. Sure if one friend catches feelings for the other, they are willing to give more, but if they mean anything to you as a person, you shouldn't be selfish to take everything you don't need knowing that you won't be able to give them everything that they want. Don't continue to pursue their company if your only reason for doing so is to gain the praise of how great you are. A person who is truly amazing doesn't use others who they know have feelings for them in order to feel amazing.

Don't lead them on.

And make them hope for something that was never there. If you already know they have feelings for you, stop flirting with them. Keep from sending mixed signals that to you are empty words but to them are words filled with promises. Never say you are not in the stage of your life for dating when you actually are. This will only make them hold on and wait for someone who will never come to them. Don't ring him or her up to remind them of you if you are only going to forget about them. Don't tell them you care and miss them if you still don't care and miss them enough to want to be in a relationship with them. If you miss the sex, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Don't say "let's try to be friends again" when real friends respect and understand each other instead of leading their friends on.

Accept your mistakes.

It's not your fault if he or she was not what you were looking for. But that doesn't mean that you didn't intentionally or unintentionally lead them on. Be a grown up and deal with the fact that you screwed up and made mistakes that could have possibly screwed up another person's view of life. Realize how you affected them especially in the ways they are too proud to admit. Own up to your faults even if it hurts your ego. Real men and women are not the ones who don't make mistakes but are the ones who accept them.

Say you are sorry for hurting him or her because they would never do anything to hurt you. Try to see their broken heart from their stone face and try to understand that because of you, they may never look at another person the same way again. You can't change how you feel about them, but you can still change how they feel about themselves. Right now they are questioning their self-worth. You don't have to love them. But you still have to respect them. Let them know their self-validation is not dictated by who can and can't love them. Let them know what they did mean to you, if anything, as a person or a friend. Don't walk out of their life leaving them with the thought that no one will ever love them just because you couldn't.

Don't walk away trying to fool yourself that they never meant anything to you only to realize after it's too late, that they actually did. TC mark

Write It Down And Watch It Burn

Posted: 19 Jan 2017 03:09 PM PST

Eugene Shelestov
Eugene Shelestov

write it down
whatever ‘it’ is to you
whatever is weighing on your mind
whatever is holding you back.

allow yourself to be
uncomfortable with yourself
your life
your situation.
allow yourself to be completely

write it all down
don’t leave out any parts
about how you’re feeling,
not even the uncomfortable thoughts.

now is the time
to be open
and honest
and raw.

look at it,
read it,
then crumple it up.

light it on fire
and watch it burn.

watch the hate burn
the dissatisfaction
the voices
telling you you’re not good enough.

watch it all burn
in front of your eyes
and breathe out

realize you don’t have to be here
you don’t have to be stuck
you can leave
you can move on
you can live the life you’ve always wanted,
you have a choice.

you always have a choice.

you can do better
you can do more,
it just comes down to you.

you’ve always been in control,
you’ve just never realized it.

now let it go,
let it all go
and move forward to where you want to be. TC mark

5 Signs You Are An Option, Not A Priority

Posted: 19 Jan 2017 03:00 PM PST

1. They magically appear when they need something. I have too many acquaintances that do this, honestly. It’s the “hey, you want to have dinner?” friends who are basically saying, hey, I don’t have anybody else to eat with, and you’re a viable option for human companionship, so whaddaya say? Beware these types. Use them for dinner dates at your discretion. Don’t expect them to be present at your next existential crisis.

2. When they call to see how you are but it always turns into a rant about themselves…every time. Friendship, much like any relationship, is give and take. Yes, you have to listen to them mull over their latest heartbreak for the trillionth time to come to the epiphanies that you A) explained to them a month ago and B) are the same ones you make every other day. That’s life, that’s friendship. However, I'm talking about the people that only converse in consistent streams of all-about-me talk and you can't get a word in edge-wise.

3. They bail on things that are important to you. Things they know are important to you. If you want to see who your real friends are, see who shows up on moving day, or who lies in bed with you and holds your hand while you cry yourself to sleep. A little dramatic? Yes. Based on my own experiences? Yes. Tried and true way to see if someone is a real friend? Definitely.

4. You are not one of the first people to know about huge events in their life. If you have to find out about breakups, makeups, hookups, pregnancies, moves, etc. via the grape vine, you are not a priority in that person’s life.

5. It's a one-sided relationship, and that one side is all you. Sorry to sprinkle some salt on the wounds of you jaded folk but, very simply, if someone wants you to be in their life they will make room for you. If they are keeping you around on the backburner in case they need someone or something, it will be just as apparent. TC mark

Brianna Wiest is the author of 101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think, available here.


11 Happily Married People Give Their Brutally Honest Advice For Folks Who Want LTRs

Posted: 19 Jan 2017 02:00 PM PST

Brandon Woelfel
Brandon Woelfel

1. Avoid resentment at ALL costs

Resentment is the single thing that ruins a relationship.

Do whatever it takes to avoid it. Honesty and communication are good tools to avoid it.

— Raintitan

2. Relationships are two different people

Recognize that your partner is not you. They have a separate brain and self-awareness and perception of the world. They have a whole set of different life experiences, and consequently, a whole different way of seeing, reacting, and understanding.

No, they aren’t going to do something exactly the way you would do it. No, their first instinct might not be your first instinct. No, they are not you. And you know what? That’s why you’re with them.

— _adanedhel_

3. Talk!

Communicate. Seriously fucking talk about stuff. 9 times out of 10 they weren’t trying to hurt or annoy you and they didn’t do it on purpose.

— babblgram

4. You’ll never win

There’s no such thing as winning a fight with your significant other.

— bcal16

5. Keep the jokes rolling

Laugh together. Often.

My folks have been together for 40 years, so I asked my mom what their secret was. She said “humor”.

— pandahadnap

6. Twenty-six years and counting!

Married 26 years. Very happy

  1. Have a shared sense of purpose. Talk about why you live. Why you choose to work. Why you choose to marry. Talk through these big ideas often. Go back to them.
  2. Learn to compromise. Marriage makes both people different. You will lose a bit of who you are at the edges, but if you do it right, you’ll be a better person in the end. Marriage isn’t about holding on to your essential self. The romantics got this one wrong.
  3. Sex is great but it’s over emphasized. Have lots of fun sex as a married couple but never think it’s why you are married. When it gets boring and utilitarian, don’t stress. It’ll probably get better eventually. Work it out. Sex is part of the long, loving conversation of marriage. It’s not the professional wrestling version of sex you see in porn.
  4. Don’t cheat. Don’t drink a ton of booze. Don’t do a ton of drugs. Pay your bills on time. Life is for grown ups. Grow the hell up and get to work. It’s worth it when you’re old and loved and you managed to help some people out along the way.

— SpamTato

7. Don’t expect them to “change their mind” or “come around”

Don’t marry someone unless that person makes YOU a better person – you want someone who brings out your best, not your worst.

Be a team. Work together and balance out your strengths and weaknesses. Don’t be adversarial.

TALK TO EACH OTHER. No one is a mind reader. Talking to everyone else (mother, sibling, friend) about your relationship problems isn’t going to solve the problem, talking your spouse will.

Don’t let your parents/family treat your SO like crap. Even if your parents DESPISE your so, they should treat him or her with respect. Stick up for your SO. Be a united front. There are few things that can break down a relationship more quickly than taking sides.

Finally, be absolutely sure you are both on the same page when it comes to finances, career, children, etc. Don’t think that your SO will “come around” or that he’ll “change his mind.” If someone says they don’t want kids – take that at face value. If she has a career that will necessitate moving every few years, then you need to be OK with that. If you plan to raise your child in a particular faith or church, be sure your spouse is on board with that BEFORE the baby arrives.

Do a FULL FINANCIAL DISCLOSURE before getting married or moving in together. I know too many folks who were slapped upside the head by a spouse who had tens of thousands of dollars of cc debt or huge student loans that they knew NOTHING about until after the wedding.

— lenachristina

8. Do things because you love them

Do things for your SO without an expectation to be repaid. Learn to love to have them happy. From my experience, they will do the same in return.

— comecloserandsee

9. Gotta let go of your pride

Learn to swallow your pride. This means:

  • saying you’re sorry.
  • letting go of petty grudges.
  • being able to compromise.
  • admitting when you’re wrong.
  • after a disagreement, approaching the other person calmly and exploring what issue you two had in an objective way.
  • being able to communicate your own failures, insecurities, or problems to the other person.
  • recognizing when you’re taking something personally or lashing out for the wrong reasons.
  • in the heat of an argument, being able to acknowledge good points your partner is making, thank them for communicating to you, and positively reinforce the things they’re doing that are de-escalating the situation.

At the end of the day, completely honest, level-headed, calm communication mixed with a huge dose of humility is the #1 best way to make a relationship work.

Follow-up advice: look at problems as entities separate from the relationship. For example, I have a drinking problem. My partner and I see ourselves as a team, together, against the problem. We never make our problems into us against each other, but try to view ourselves as allies, united against a problem that affects both of us.

— IAlbatross

10. Take the time to enjoy your S/O

My wife died 5 years ago. And she was everything to me. She was my very bestfriend. I miss her so much I still throw up when I think about her death.

I say that to say this: enjoy your spouse. Whatever it takes for you to do that, figure it out and do it. And even more than that, make sure they enjoy you.

I’d give MY LIFE to see the smile on her face of coming home to a cleaned house and a cooked dinner. I’d give MY LIFE to spend an hour talking to her again hell I’d even give my life just to sleep next to her again.

Cherish every single moment with them. Please. I’m begging you to do this because the last thing you want to regret is not kissing them enough or not laughing with them enough or not holding their hand enough or not just being near them enough.

Love that person. Do it for your spouse because there are people out there who can’t do it for their’s anymore.

— worriedpopsneedhelp

11. It’s not like the movies

Hollywood lies. It won’t always be easy or be fun or always feel so desperately in love that you can’t breathe. Sometimes you just feel bored or angry or frustrated. It isn’t the good times that make a good relationship but how you work together in the bad times.

Romantic love is a fine start, but lasting partnerships are built on stronger stuff, like trust, respect, humility and understanding. I don’t mean to sound clinical, because if you can’t laugh and have fun you won’t last long either, but fun ends when the mortgage is due, or your mother has cancer, or you have to raise a child. Second, any relationship that lasts even 10 years is going to have very different people who want different things at the end of it. There will be renegotiation throughout.

Allow your partner to grow and change and communicate your own altered expectations. Finally, there’s no one way. What works for some may not work for you. It’s your job (both of you) to figure out how you work and what you need.

— Funkmonkey23 TC mark