Thought Catalog


10 Reasons Why You Should Eat Her Out More Often (Starting Tonight)

Posted: 22 Jan 2017 08:00 PM PST

 Thought Catalog Tumblr
Thought Catalog Tumblr

1. She wants it. She might not ask you to go down on her, because she doesn’t want to seem needy or bossy. But she definitely wants it. Every woman does.

2. It will raise her confidence. She might feel self-conscious about her vagina right now. But she’ll stop being so insecure if you make oral a habit. The more you do it, the more she’ll get used to it. And the more she gets used to it — the more relaxed she is — the faster she’ll orgasm in the future.

3. It will encourage her to give oral. The more you give, the more you get. If you’re a gentleman and go down on her before she even asks, she’s eventually going to repay you by getting on her knees and returning the favor.

4. It will make you look good. Unfortunately for women, there are guys out there that refuse to go down on their girlfriends. Fortunately for you, they make guys like you look fantastic. She’ll be bragging to all of her friends about those multiple orgasms you’ve been giving her.

5. She’ll be horny more often. If she never gets off after having sex with you, she won’t want to have sex with you. But if she knows she’s going to get an orgasm too, then she’ll be horny a lot more.

6. Practice makes perfect. As long as you pay attention to her breathing and her moans, you’ll be able to figure out what she likes. Eating a girl out might seem complicated, but once you get the hang of it, you’ll have her worshiping your tongue.

7. She deserves it. Think of all the times she’s sucked you off during her period. It’s about time you repay her. And even if she hasn’t given all that many blowjobs, she does ride you. She does shave for you. She does do a lot for you.

8. It’ll make you feel sexier. You know what’s hot? Realizing you have the power to cause an orgasm. To make a beautiful woman squirm and squeal. Not only will she feel better after you go down on her, but you will, too.

9. You shouldn’t have all the funIt’s not fair for you to get all of the orgasms while she’s left unfulfilled. Since most women have a hard time getting off with penetration alone, you should get in between her legs and give her clit a little attention.

10. She’s your girlfriend. You love her. You should want to go down on her. You should want to make her happy. TC mark 

21 Types Of Female Underwear And What They Really Mean

Posted: 22 Jan 2017 07:00 PM PST

1. Cotton panties that came in a pack of three: I am just trying to live my life right now, I cannot be held to your patriarchal panty standards.

2. Extreme, heavily-padded pushup bra: No one is going to be taking this off tonight, so I can live the lie for some excellent cleave pics.

3. Neon: The POINT is to make it show through, this is called FaShIoN K

4. Bathing suit bottom: Laundry day.

5. Black cotton panties: I think we all know that there might be some stains in the future of these underwear, and I think we all know what kind of stains they are. These are the Sacrificial Panties.

6. Flesh-colored and seamless: This dress is somewhat sheer, and I am the kind of woman who pays her bills, organizes her closet, and prevents visible panties.

7. Spanx: I had a job interview today, don’t fucking touch me until I get these off, or I will pop out of them like Pillsbury croissants.

8. Black lacy panties: Bout 2 get myself some D

9. Leopard “sexy” underwear with matching bra: I say the words “meow,” “rawr,” or “daddy” in bed.

10. Victoria’s secret PINK boy shorts: Reliving my 19-year-old lifestyle by wearing these adorable pink-and-green panties around the house to feel sexy whilst watching Netflix.

11. Men’s boxer shorts: Stole these from an ex probably and I don’t care about feeling sexy whilst watching Netflix, I’m just trying to be comfortable.

12. Bike shorts: I will never have a thigh gap, and I am okay with that.

13. Really really frilly shit that will never ever lay flat under clothes: I bought these with the intention of wearing them for some ~*~steamy sexual caucus~*~ and they have been crumpled in the back of my underwear drawer for two years because who has time for costume changes.

14. Strapless bra: AM I ELPHABA, BECAUSE I AM DEFYING GRAVITY~~~~

15. Sports bra while not working out: Take away my thrice-weekly spin class, and I have no reason to live. (Alternatively, there are at least a dozen pictures of me doing yoga on Instagram.)

16. Matching Set: The world is not gonna fuck with me today, I can do anything, I believe in me. This is my moment, my matching-bra-and-panty moment.

17. Thong in a short, flowy skirt or dress: I don’t play by your rules, and mild breezes don’t scare me.

18. That one pair of boyshorts with buttons on them: I bought these thinking “Oh, how cuuuute” but then never wear them because who the fuck wants buttons on their underwear.

19. Bandaids on the nips: I’m a ~*~free spirit~*~ who is probably going to, or coming from, an outdoor music festival.

20. That one random pair of basic blue panties you got at like H&M or something that have somehow held up for several years and are still in perfect shape: I don’t give up on those who don’t give up on me.

21. Commando while wearing jeans: I have a death wish, see you all in the afterlife. TC mark

If You’re A Highly Sensitive Person, These 5 Tips Will Strengthen Your Relationships

Posted: 22 Jan 2017 06:30 PM PST

Cristian Newman
Cristian Newman

In my books, “The Empath’s Survival Guide” and “Emotional Freedom,” I describe emotional empaths as a species unto themselves. Whereas others may thrive on the togetherness of being a couple, for empaths like me, too much togetherness can be difficult, may cause us to bolt.

Why? We tend to intuit and absorb our partner’s energy, and become overloaded, anxious, or exhausted when we don’t have time to decompress in our own space. We’re super-responders; our sensory experience of relationship is the equivalent of feeling objects with 50 fingers instead of five. Energetically sensitive people unknowingly avoid romantic partnership because deep down they’re afraid of getting engulfed. Or else, they feel engulfed when coupled, a nerve-wracking, constrictive way to live. If this isn’t understood, empaths can stay perpetually lonely. We want companionship, but, paradoxically, it doesn’t feel safe. One empath patient told me, “It helps explain why at 32 I’ve only had two serious relationships, each lasting less than a year.” Once we empaths learn to set boundaries and negotiate our energetic preferences, intimacy becomes possible.

For emotional empaths to be at ease in a relationship, the traditional paradigm for coupling must be redefined. Most of all, this means asserting your personal space needs — the physical and time limits you set with someone so you don’t feel they’re on top of you. Empaths can’t fully experience emotional freedom with another until they do this. Your space needs can vary with your situation, upbringing, and culture. My ideal distance to keep in public is at least an arm’s length. In doctors’ waiting rooms I’ll pile my purse and folders on the seats beside me to keep others away.

With friends it’s about half that. With a mate it’s variable. Sometimes it’s rapture being wrapped in his arms; later I may need to be in a room of my own, shut away. One boyfriend who truly grasped the concept got me a “Keep Out” sign for my study door! For me, this was a sign of true love. All of us have an invisible energetic border that sets a comfort level. Identifying and communicating yours will prevent you from being bled dry by others. Then intimacy can flourish, even if you’ve felt suffocated before. Prospective mates or family members may seem like emotional vampires when you don’t know how to broach the issue of personal space. You may need to educate others — make clear that this isn’t about not loving them — but get the discussion going. Once you can, you’re able to build progressive relationships.

If you’re an empath or if the ordinary expectations of coupledom don’t jibe with you practice the following tips.

Define your personal space needs

Tip 1. What to say to a potential mate

As you’re getting to know someone, share that you’re a sensitive person, that you periodically need quiet time. The right partner will be understanding; the wrong person will put you down for being “overly sensitive,” and won’t respect your need.

Tip 2. Clarify your preferred sleep style

Traditionally, partners sleep in the same bed. However, some empaths never get used to this, no matter how caring a mate. Nothing personal; they just like their own sleep space. Speak up about your preferences. Feeling trapped in bed with someone, not getting a good night’s rest, is torture. Energy fields blend during sleep, which can overstimulate empaths. So, discuss options with your mate. Separate beds. Separate rooms. Sleeping together a few nights a week. Because non-empaths may feel lonely sleeping alone, make compromises when possible.

Tip 3. Negotiate your square footage needs

You may be thrilled about your beloved until you live together. Experiment with creative living conditions so your home isn’t a prison. Breathing room is mandatory. Ask yourself, “What space arrangements are optimal?” Having an area to retreat to, even if it’s a closet? A room divider? Separate bathrooms? Separate houses? I prefer having my own bedroom/office to retreat to. I also can see the beauty of separate wings or adjacent houses if affordable. Here’s why: conversations, scents, coughing, movement can feel intrusive. Even if my partner’s vibes are sublime, sometimes I’d rather not sense them even if they’re only hovering near me. I’m not just being finicky; it’s about maintaining well-being if I live with someone.

Tip 4. Travel wisely

Traveling with someone, you may want to have separate space too. Whether my companion is romantic or not, I’ll always have adjoining rooms with my own bathroom. If sharing a room is the only option, hanging a sheet as a room divider will help. “Out of sight” may make the heart grow fonder.

Tip 5. Take regular mini-breaks

Empaths require private downtime to regroup. Even a brief escape prevents emotional overload. Retreat for five minutes into the bathroom with the door shut. Take a stroll around the block. Read in a separate room. One patient told her boyfriend, “I need to disappear into a quiet room for ten minutes at a party, even if I’m having fun,” a form of self-care that he supports.

In my medical practice, I’ve seen this creative approach to relationships save marriages and make ongoing intimacies feel safe, even for emotional empaths (of all ages) who’ve been lonely and haven’t had a long-term partner before. Once you’re able to articulate your needs, emotional freedom in your relationships is possible. TC mark

21 Nurses And Doctors Share Their Most Insane And Hilarious Stories Of A Patient ‘Faking It’

Posted: 22 Jan 2017 06:00 PM PST

via Flickr - Andres Rueda
via Flickr – Andres Rueda

1. A Mother Finds A Way…

“Had a mother come in and INSIST that her child had Silver-Russell syndrome. You can go read on it. It’s not that easy to fake, as it’s a bunch of metabolic conditions mixed with congenital abnormalities.

The kid was small, but not that small (around 6th percentile). He didn’t weight much (5th percentile). All of this, with a right arm length 2 cm more than the left side, were borderline criteria for Silver-Russell. Did genetic testing, which came back negative, but 30% of cases are negative.

So the deciding factor was one of the ‘soft’ criteria of hypoglycemia. Once she heard about this (she printed out 30-40 articles on the disease), she came back with the kid in a coma. But when the kid was in the hospital, he was never hypoglycemic. He went home, and came back in a coma a few weeks later. Again, as soon as he was eating normally at the hospital, he was never hypoglycemic.

She starved her child into comas repeatedly for the diagnosis of Silver-Russell. She was also a ‘bougon,’ people who live off welfare and make a game out of it. By the way, she was in a wheelchair when at the hospital. Once I had enough of her bullshit and walked into the room after only knocking once. She was walking around normally and jumped into the wheelchair as soon as she saw me.

I believe it was for money since in Canada/Quebec, you get money when your child has a genetic disability… God, if it was legal, I would have slapped some sense into that her.”

uberpath

2. It’s A Miracle!

“My husband is a firefighter and EMT and he told me about a time where they were called for a man seizing. When they got there a guy was lying face up on the floor not moving and then started faking a seizure. They stood there saying things like ‘Oh wow. This is a bad one. But if they did X then we should really be worried!’ and the patient would suddenly start doing X behavior. Apparently this went on for a while until he miraculously woke up in the ambulance asking for opiates.”

hungryandstoned

3. Whooping Cough

“My mom’s an ER nurse and she said once some crazy lady came in and complained hat she had the whooping cough. And whenever she coughed she followed it with a loud ‘woooOOOP!'”

KingJonathan

4. “A Nice, tasty Lortab Might Help, Doctor”

“When I was a resident, I had a patient in clinic that was doing that round-about thing patients do when they want narcotics but aren’t going to directly ask for them. She would hint at having arthritis pain that ‘just doesn’t seem to get better except that one time she took lortab’ and that ‘you know, her friend gave her a Percocet once and it helped a lot’ (never mind the fact that this lady was 100% functional despite ‘debilitating pain’.

At the end of the clinic visit, when I offered a physical therapy referral and stronger NSAIDs (the actual treatment for osteoarthritis), she suddenly sat straight up, looked me in the eye, and said, ‘Doctor, I don’t know how…but I’m totally paralyzed.’

Seriously. She pretended that, all of a sudden, everything other than her mouth was totally paralyzed. She made us send her to the ER (but not before she had my nurse unwrap a peppermint and literally put it on her tongue because ‘her blood sugar felt low’). We had to lift this nutcase into a wheelchair (during which we could all feel her shifting and repositioning…not something a paralyzed person would do) and roll her to the ER to be evaluated for ‘sudden paralysis’.

While in the ER, she suggested to the ER doc that maybe Lortab would fix her paralysis, and when the ER doc rightly refused this treatment, she got out of the stretcher and walked out.”

tovarish22

5. Girl Begins Fake Convulsions Out Of Grief

“Not even a patient but a family member. The family was grieving in the room due to the patient just being made comfort care and not expected to survive the day. A niece of the patient, who was easily in her 30’s, started screaming like she was being murdered and fell to the floor near our nursing pod. She started ‘convulsing’ but her family completely ignored her. Some even side stepped her or literally stepped over her while trying to leave the unit. The niece would randomly convulse while we were loading her onto a stretcher. The charge nurse picked this ladies arm up and let it fall. It some how just softly returned to her side. Finally she was loaded up and we were ready to transport her to the ER. The ladies aunt/mom/sister? looked at the doctor and asked if the hospital was going to pay for her tests. The doctor on the unit said no and ‘miraculously’ the niece shot up and acted like she couldn’t remember what happened. The rest of the family just left her there and told the desk not to let her back in to the unit once she was escorted out.”

happy-mommy

6. Kidney Stones From The Parking Lot

“Husband is a Urologist. ER calls with a patient who is reportedly writhing in pain from kidney stones. Patient brought with him a stone he passed for analysis. Hubby walks in, sees one of the regular drug seekers, takes a look at the sample determines it’s a pebble guy picked up in the parking lot.”

ImNotButPretendIAm

7. Drunk Girl Prepares For Her Seizure

“Get called for an unconscious intox’s at a bar. Get her out to the ambulance, she shouts ‘I’M HAVING A SEIZURE’ and starts waving her arms around. I tell her ‘people who have seizures generally don’t announce it first.’ Her response? ‘You’re being very judgmental, I was getting ready in case I had a seizure.’

……gotta stretch, I guess.”

Notourown

8. Good Guy Car Accident Victim Runs A Con

“I was an intern in a busy trauma ED when a guy walks up the ambulance bay and screams he needs to be seen immediately. They take him back and he starts telling everyone he was in a car accident last night going ‘100+ mph’ on the interstate but did not go to the hospital because he was worried about his friend, the driver. But now he’s losing feeling in his legs and has severe back pain and needs to be seen.

So of course the story is super fishy but we put him on a backboard/collar and get some xrays of chest and pelvis (our protocol for any severe trauma). The radiologist who is stationed in the ED flags me and asks when out patient got a CT scan. He showed me his pelvis x ray and his bladder is super bright: it’s filled with the iodine contrast agent they inject in your veins when you get a CT which is then excreted by the kidneys over the next few hours.

So we confront our patient about why he didn’t tell us about being seen at another hospital and getting a CT. He launches into a rambling explanation about concussions and amnesia. He has, of course, also exhibited several other drug seeking behaviors in his short time in the ED. He decides to leave AMA but not before asking the nurse directions to the nearest hospital, presumably to try the same trick.”

CasualAwful

9. Home Nurse Gets Robbed

“My wife’s a district nurse, she drives to peoples homes changing dressings, giving medications etc etc. Her job has her dealing with many people such as gang members and people on home detention, but the worst in her opinion, the people you never trust even a little bit are the methadone patients, according to her a lot of them will try anything to get a little bit more.

She had one not long ago that was being extremely talkative, almost like he didn’t want her to leave the house. Then he started showing her every little lump and bump, wanting her to make sure they weren’t infections or anything. Although he wasn’t making her uncomfortable, she did think it was strange for him as he was normally very quiet and wanted the nurses gone asap.

When she got back to her car the back window had been smashed in but all that was missing was her sharps container and the lockbox the drugs were kept in. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what was going on so she walks back to the house, looks in the front window and sees the methadone dude and another guy sitting on the couch trying to open her lockbox and emptying the sharps container on the floor.

She called the police at that point and despite knowing that some of the needles now on the floor were from an HIV+ patient she had earlier in the day she sat in the car until the PD arrived because you never ever get between a junkie and a fix.”

awfulrob

10. Man Fakes Migraine To Get Out Of Paying For His Meal

“Paramedic here.

Gentleman called 911 from a restaurant claiming he had a migraine and was unable to see properly. He was literally 2 blocks from a hospital.

I’ve had migraines, I’m sympathetic. On the way to the call I was planning my treatment plan so he would be more comfortable during the wait in the emerg.

He was waiting outside, in full sunlight, waving at us. Thanked us politely for coming ‘to his rescue’. Sat in the well lit ambulance, chatting up a storm, making inappropriate jokes, and laughing. Stating the whole time he has 10/10 pain from a migraine, and that only Percocet works to reduce the pain. He has them frequently, and wouldn’t you know it, he’s run out of his prescribed medication, and his doctor is on vacation.

The chef from the restaurant he called from came out and asked for his information. Our patient was ‘unable to pay his bill, due to the pain.’ He conveniently had no ID he could leave with the restaurant, and only had his debit card with him. He promised to come back, once he was feeling well enough to tap his PIN into the machine, but right now he couldn’t. The chef knew 100% the guy was full of shit, but couldn’t do anything.

As someone who has had a vomiting, shaking, vision effecting, migraine in the past, he did nothing to convince anyone he was in actual discomfort. I actually would greatly prefer if he had said, ‘I ate a meal I can’t afford, and I’m addicted to pain killers, can you please take me to the ER.’ Honesty would have gotten him better treatment from everyone involved.”

Fusion_Chamberlain

11. Screams For Pain Meds When Not Having A Seizure

“This JUST happened last week, strangely enough. I’ve been a nurse for 4 years now, and this is probably the worst I’ve seen it.

Young adult comes in with seizure-like activity. We’re a neuroscience floor, so we get these a lot. Complains of severe abdominal pain related to her seizures, apparently. They run multiple CTs and MRIs that come back clean. We put her on a 24 hour VEEG machine (video EEG for those who don’t know). She reportedly has 100s of seizures throughout the night, with full body convulsions, drooling, upper extremity contractions, and will not respond to verbal stimuli. Post ictal, she’s not lethargic, just confused. Doesn’t know her own name, the place that she’s in, or what time it is, but the rest of her neuro assessment is benign. No bladder incontinence during, had perfect control of all limbs.

She screams for pain meds when she’s not having seizures, but is for some reason refusing everything they offer her. Tylenol – nope. Percocet – makes her feel weird. Lidoderm patch for her abdomen – it gives her sores in her mouth. I guarantee if a doctor offered Opiates, she would have been all over that.

After 24 hours of being her, $1000s worth of tests being run all coming up negative, the doctors had no choice but to send her home. She become agitated and seizing again, while the doctor is basically explaining that she’s faking it. He says, ‘I’ll wait.’ She immediately stops.

Security had to escort he out, with me in tow, because I was too paranoid that she would throw herself on the floor before leaving and demand to be readmitted. They recommended an outpatient psych consult for her, which made her even angrier. Lord knows, maybe the seizures felt real to her, but she didn’t need a special kind of help.”

violetarockos

12. A Colossal Waste Of Everyone’s Time

“EMT here. The one that sticks out is the most textbook example of drug seeking behavior.

Get called out to a residence at 2 am (because of course, it’s always 2 am). Guy says he’s having 10/10 finger pain and gingerly holding his hand in the air. Says there was no trauma, just started suddenly and it’s unbearable.

So we load him up, take him the 25 minutes the the hospital. Entire time he’s holding his hand in the air. But we had a full conversation, talked about Football, never once did he complain about pain.

We wheel him into the ER and literally the second we walk through the door, this guy starts writhing in pain. Says he can’t sit still the pain is unbearable, he has to stand up, screaming at the nurse to help. Then he turned to the nurse and said:

‘I had this same issue at a different hospital 2 weeks ago. They couldn’t tell what was wrong. They gave me morphine but that didn’t work so then they gave me dilaudid. That worked. So maybe you should just start with dilaudid tonight.’ And then he went back to moaning in pain.

Nurse and I just looked at each other, we put him in a bed and I drove the 35 minutes back to station. Highly doubt he was given any pain less that night, was just a colossal waste of everyone’s time.”

razelbagel

13. People Really Act Out

“I am an X-ray tech. All the time in the ED you will have patients that come in seeking things. These patients will have a bunch of X-rays ordered. So when you first start the exams they will be in all sorts of pain. They cannot position any body part. Fighting and begging you to not do it. Then after about 15 minutes, when they notice you’re going to do your job. They stop the charade and get through the stack of images ordered on them. It’s quite incredible really.

The other thing that blows my mind is when people want the worst possible outcome of their disease. Like you can feel the craving for sympathy emanating from them. With phrases ‘Ohhh that’s really bad isn’t it’ or ‘Oh man is that the worse you’ve seen?’ Not said with dread, but barely hidden excitement.”

AllGenreBuffaloClub

14. Some Of The Most Obvious Fakes

“I have so many of these!!

–Male patient, 18 years old, rolled in unconscious. Mom says he’s been like that for the past four hours. Go to check his lungs when I hear something interesting. I place the stethoscope near his mouth and hear him breathe in normally, but then breathe out by saying ‘breath’. No joke.

–Male patient, 21 years old, admitted with inability to speak for last two hours and respiratory distress. Lungs clear, but we hook him up to oxygen for a few minutes. After he’s taken off, his father comes running and drags me over, saying his sons tongue refuses to go back in after receiving the oxygen. I look at the kid and he’s seriously just lying there with his tongue poking out like a child. I tell them to push it back in. A few hours later the dad tells me the boy is convulsing. I go to see without making my presence known and he’s lying there just fine. The moment I ask the mom how he’s doing, he starts ‘convulsing’. Think of an odd version of the worm, but on his back.

–Female patient, 16 years old, admitted with complaints of recurrent seizures and frothing from the mouth. I look at her and she is literally blowing spit bubbles. I check her reflexes, everything is intact. The moment I turn away to check on another patient, she suddenly becomes ‘rigid’ and the spitting intensifies.

–Male patient, 30 years old, unconscious and completely unresponsive for six hours. This guy was totally dedicated to his act. I initially approached it as a stroke, but when the blood pressure, ECG, reflexes, pupils, etc all are normal….I start checking pain sensation. He slowly began to open his eyes and groan as I asked him to tell me his name, but the moment his Achilles’ tendon was pressed, he suddenly sat up, stated his name, and declared himself cured.

–Female patient, 17 years old, complained of respiratory distress and convulsions. Everything’s normal on admission, and she’s conscious but refuses to eat. Parents are worried out of their minds, and every few minutes she has a ‘fit’ where she would just basically shake from side to side. She let slip to a nurse that she didn’t want to go to school that week, so she was faking an illness. Since she was refusing to eat, the attending wrote up an order for a nasogastric tube (which was inserted and then removed by her in a matter of minutes), and we prescribed her sugar pills because her parents wouldn’t let us transfer her to psychiatry or discharge her. She finally left after four days.”

dudeimmadoc

15. Three Hilarious Paramedic Faker Stories

“Paramedic here – I have three stories that come to mind.

Story #1 – We get called to a local Waffle House for a seizure. We walk in to find a man lying on the floor, not moving, but breathing. We start talking to the waitress, asking what had happened. While talking to her, we occasionally look down at the patient, and find him with one eye barely cracked open, watching us; when he sees us looking at him, he closes his eye. This happens a few times. Then the cops show up and find out what’s going on. One of the officers asks the waitress, ‘Did he (patient) eat here?’

‘Yes, he did.’

‘How much is his bill?’

‘Fourteen dollars.’

At this point, the officers roll the patient over and find his wallet; the guy has a $20 bill in it. One of the officers takes out the $20, gives it to the waitress, and tells her, ‘keep the change.’ You could see the anger in the patient’s face when he realizes he’s not getting out of paying his bill. He ended up faking a seizure on the way to the hospital (I’m not about to explain how I know it was fake, because I’m not going to give anyone ANY info on how to fake a seizure).

Story #2 – We get called to a fall in the women’s bathroom at Wal-Mart. We walk in, and the manager is FREAKING OUT. We go into the bathroom to find a white female face up on the floor – I’m guessing she weighs at least 350 lbs; there were two friends of hers standing in there with her. I ask her what happened; she says she slipped on a puddle and fell, hurting her back. I look all over the bathroom floor; there’s NO water on the floor. I ask the manager AND the patient’s friends – ‘Do you see water on the floor?’ They all said, ‘No.’ I then tell the patient, ‘There’s no water on the floor, ma’am.’ She says, ‘I’m lying on top of it.’ We’re going to have to roll her to her side in order to get a backboard under her and pick her up; I explain that to her. As we roll her to her side, I check her back for any obvious injuries; I then check her clothing AND the floor she was lying on – nothing was wet. I have the manager (who was grinning from ear to ear at this point) and the patient’s friends look – ‘Do you see water on the floor? Are her clothes wet?’ They all said, ‘No.’ We then roll the patient onto the board, pick her up, and place her on a stretcher.

At this point, I tell the patient, ‘I’m going to be writing up paperwork for this call and your treatment. Part of what is going to be written up is the fact that you said you slipped on a wet floor, and that no water was found either on the floor or soaked into your clothing. This is standard; I have to write up what I’m told in addition to what I see. What you need to understand is this – if you happen to decide to take Wal-Mart to court, they can request a copy of my run report, and it’s going to show what you said and what I found. They can also summon me to testify, and if they do, I’m going to tell them what you told me and what I saw, the manager saw, and what your friends saw. That being said, do you want to keep dragging this out and go to the hospital, or do you want to just get up from my stretcher and be done with it?’

She chose to get up and leave.

Story #3 – We get called to a 13 year old having a first-time seizure. We get on scene, and the entire family is freaking out, except for the father. I walk into the room where the kid was – OBVIOUS FAKER. I turn to dad and have him go outside into the hallway, I tell him the boy is faking, and I ask if anything unusual happened today. The father tells me he found marijuana in the kid’s room, and he was getting on to him about it when the kid started ‘seizing.’ I reassured the father that his son was NOT seizing, and he asked if we could take him to the hospital ‘just to be safe.’ I said no problem. We pick the kid up and put him on the stretcher, and as we head outside to the ambulance, he exhibits more behavior that shows he’s faking.

Inside the ambulance, I tell the kid that I know he’s faking and ask him to stop, but he keeps on. The hospital we take him to doesn’t have board-certified Emergency Department physicians; they use General Practice and Internal Medicine physicians (a LOT of smaller hospitals do this). I bring the kid in and give a patient report to the internal medicine doc and the RN, and I say the kid is ‘faking his seizure activity.’ The doctor had a problem with that – ‘You can’t possibly tell that he’s faking.’ I assure him that, yes, the kid is faking. I explain the situation that led up to him faking, and that I could prove it. The doctor says, ‘I’d like to see that.’

The RN knows EXACTLY what’s going on and what I wanted to do; he’s all for it! So I say to the kid, ‘Bob (I don’t remember his name), we need a urine sample from you, and we need you to wake up to do it. If you don’t wake up, we’re going to shove a tube into your penis, run it all the way into your bladder, and take a urine sample from you. Please, just wake up and give us a sample.’

Nothing from the kid.

‘Okay, Bob, if you don’t wake up in 10 seconds, we’re going to start prepping you to get the tube shoved into your penis. Ten, nine, eight, FIVEFOURTHREETWOONE!’

His eyes opened wide as saucers before he realized we caught him. He then closed his eyes, started blinking, looked around the room, and said, ‘What happened?’ The RN was laughing, and the doc was a little pissed.”

bigbabysurfer

16. School Nurse Doesn’t Stand For Nonsense

“My mother was the school nurse when I was in high school, but she’s been a nurse my whole life. She’s told me a few good stories (obviously without names). But I was lucky enough to overhear one of the students trying to fake an illness to get out of class. The kid, we’ll call him Derrick, was a skud. White trash, moody, and destructive. Not my favorite classmate. But I was laying there when I heard him come in and start his routine of attention seeking. (mom used to let me skip seminary and nap on the empty beds).So my mom runs through all the basics, temp, blood pressure, etc. Well Derrick finally just cuts to the chase, obviously frustrated with the procedure, ‘Look Mrs. S, something is seriously wrong here and I’m not faking it this time!’ He screeched, defenses already 10 feet high.

‘OK Derrick, what’s the problem this time?’ She asked.

‘Well, earlier this morning, I started feeling sick, so I went to the bathroom to throw up. After I was done I looked at the toilet…(dramatic pause) and there where over a dozen whole baby carrots…(another pause, this one I think was for any gasps that might be coming) AND I DON’T EVEN EAT CARROTS!’ He nearly shouted.

Well, after about a 10 second pause and what I’m guessing was the hardest straight face my mother ever had to keep. She said, still fighting back laughter, ‘Well, Derrick your body is producing carrots at an alarming rate. Weird that it only seems to happen during gym, though. Here is a Gatorade and a hall pass to get back to class, see you tomorrow, Derrick.’

He left, stunned to be written off so easily and we had a good ol’ laugh.

‘And I don’t even eat carrots!’ has become a family favorite catchphrase.”

breauxrocka

17. Limps On The Wrong Leg

“Student nurse, but this happened when I was at the gym.

Guy next to me fell off the elliptical, somehow got his foot trapped between the foot pedals and went sideways. The surprisingly inept PTs (Personal trainers are usually well trained in first aid) were freaking out and this guy is really hamming it up. Talks of calling an ambulance are thrown about. I offer to step in.

‘AHHHHHH MY ANKLE’ He’s on the floor grabbing his leg. I kneel next to him.

‘Hey bro,’ I greet him. He’s so surprised that I’m there (came up from behind) that he forgets to groan. ‘How much does it hurt on a scale of 1-10?’

‘Erm… 8,’ he says. I look at his ankle. There’s a scratch on it the size of a penny and superficial, hardly any blood. Little red around the scratch, ankle not swollen. I ask him if he can point and flex his foot and rotate his ankle, which he can do with zero difficulty, not even a grimace. I figure he’s probably hamming it up cuz it’s embarrassing falling off a machine in front of everyone, so I get him an ice pack (mostly for show tbh), tell him he’ll be fine, and tell the PTs not to call an ambulance. His sister comes to pick him up in her car and he limps out on the wrong leg.”

TossItThrowItFly

18. The Other End Of The Spectrum

“Had an elderly man who was in his early 70s (long term smoker) who came in with shortness of breath, trouble breathing, and a little bit of a cough and occasional production of blood tinged sputum. <— that last one is a bad sign

He also complained of a little bit of back pain he’d been having that started about a month ago after he was helping his son move. When asked to rate his pain he said 2/10 (‘not too bad’).

He has no other history, always had good blood pressure, no cholesterol issues, no diabetes… has a little bit of anxiety/depression, unmedicated.

So we check him out. Reduced breath sounds all across, more so on the left lower side. Tenderness to palpation in the lower back, he jumped when we touched it, said it was about a 3/10 when we touched it.

Check vitals, his blood pressure is 180/85 (this happens with severe pain), he has no fever, and his heart rate is in the 120s (also happens with pain).

Get scans and labs. He has three broken vertebrae, probably pathological (caused by cancer) a pleural effusion (it was malignant, as in, caused by cancer), and a few masses in his left lung. Guy had stage 4 lung cancer that spread to his back, caused his back to break, and he said he had 2-3/10 back pain.

Either he was set on fire in his childhood and then beaten with 2x4s filled with nails then rolled in broken glass… or he was faking not having pain. This is someone who we would describe as a ‘minimizer’.

Not the typical story you expected, I guess.

He got his surgery, and the next day wanted to leave the hospital cuz he had to do some paperwork and pay his bills, didn’t take any of the pain meds offered to him, except at night to help him sleep.

I hope he’s still alive, was a really nice guy.”

herman_gill

19. Domestic Drama At A Crash Scene

“Firefighter/first responder here, I once had a call for a ‘vehicle that struck a power pole’ at 2 am on a major street. We arrive on scene to find a telephone pole snapped in half and a car that had crossed 8 lanes of traffic to hit this pole straight on. We found the “patient” lying on the ground next to her car, laying on her back with arms crossed across her chest clutching her phone. Right next to her were her shoes laid perfectly next to each other by her feet. As I approached her I could see her squint one eye trying to see what I was doing. I know she was faking by all of this and called an officer over to ‘help hold C-spine’ I called her name with no response so next step was painful stimulus, grinding your knuckles into the sternum is an acceptable way to check, the second I said ‘I’m going to give her a sternum rub’ she was awake. Right when we finished packaging her for the ambulance I noticed a man talking to the police obviously drunk. That’s when I noticed she smelled of alcohol too, turns out the woman called 911 to report her own accident and the husband told the police they were drunk, got in a fight, and she decided to leave even when he told her not too, it was a fake suicide attempt to make him feel bad so he pressed charges for grand theft auto and totaling the car.”

Hungry227

20. Avoiding Football Practice

“Medical student here.

Like a month ago at the ER, a mother came with her 10yo son who claimed to have a monstruous knee pain and that he couldn’t move. So when we came to his room he was lying down (important for continuity)

X-ray was normal, knee was normal, not red, no swelling.

Each time we would touch his knee or try to move his leg or his thigh he would scream like we were torturing him, and his scream seemed genuine.

But with every test being normal and no explanation to this atypic pain we were confused and thinking he’s faking it.

So we asked him to try to move his leg on his own and he would barely move it and scream, then we asked him if he felt pain when standing up he said yes, we asked him to get up and surprise : he got up by bending his knee, fastly but we saw it, he was trying to simulate but he didn’t fully succeed.

I mean it was so obvious, he amlost made a 90° angle with his knee and as soon he touched the ground and got up he started to scream etc.

All of that was just the little boy simulating to avoid going to his football training.”

alexouxou

21. Threat Of Large Needle Cures Unconscious Patient

“When I was a junior medical student without much experience on the wards, a homeless patient came in who was ‘unconscious’. Except, she wasn’t. I mean, obviously wasn’t.

The doctor would hold up her limp arm, position her hand over her head and let go. If she was truly unconscious, her hand would hit her in the face. Somehow, every time he let go of her hand, it would swerve at the last minute and miss her face.

In an effort to rouse her, the doctor loudly asked me to go and get ‘the biggest needle you can find’. When I returned, he asked me if I’d ever taken blood before. I replied that I had not. He said that as Miss X was unconscious, this would be an excellent opportunity for me to have some one-on-one teaching on the subject. He also said that this would ordinarily be extremely painful for someone with such a large needle being used.

Unfortunately, she ‘woke up’ at that point, so I didn’t get to learn how to take blood.”

ollief1 TC mark

Maybe He’s Not So Bad; Maybe You’re Just Ungrateful

Posted: 22 Jan 2017 05:00 PM PST

Twenty20.com
Twenty20.com

Have you ever noticed that when you first fall in love with someone, you are so overwhelmed with potential and excitement that you tend to allow some of their quirks to pass under the radar undetected? You let the fact that he blows snot rockets out of his nose in public slide because he is great in bed and cooks a mean steak.

You gush to all of your friends about how you think he is "the one." You tell them he "is seriously perfect, like, the funniest guy ever, and so sweet—and oh my gosh girl he for real has the biggest…heart." Your friends will nod along in excitement with you because they are good friends, yet in the back of their mind they can't help but have a bit of deja vu; as if they had been in this exact same scene with you once before.

As time goes on and comfort sets in, you begin to notice little things. They start off small enough; he leaves his clothes on the bathroom floor, he puts his dish NEXT to the sink instead of in it (then you realize he hasn't washed a dish since you've been together), and maybe he spends a little too much time watching YouTube videos instead of snuggling with you. You remind yourself that you love and accept him, flaws and all. And yet, after a while, resentment sets in.

You have certain expectations in place for how you believe your man should act. If he respected you and your wishes, he would make an effort to listen to your criticism of his character and change his behavior. When he doesn't, you begin growing angry at what you once labeled as his eccentricities;you now view them as blatant disregard for your feelings.

When he leaves a shirt on the floor, you grow enraged—you have told him ten times how much this annoys you, yet he continues to do it. You roll your eyes and say "here we go" when he pulls out his phone and starts giggling at videos of guys kicking each other in the junk. And when he blows a snot rocket in the Publix parking lot, you lose your shit.

You begin chastising him for his lazy, disgusting behavior—and when it doesn't seem to register with him what exactly he did to upset you, you begin naming items off of an imaginary list of things he does that you don't like. He is standing there confused as to how a snot rocket prompted this vicious attack, and you are looking off in the distance longingly at a man opening the car door for his girlfriend, wondering to yourself: "Why couldn't he be more like him?"

Newsflash girlfriend: That guy opening the car door probably blows snot rockets as well, and not only that, he is probably cheating on her with her sister right now. You don't know—and you never will. When you look at things from a distance, the mystery seems so beautiful and appealing, but when you take a closer look you realize everything is not always as it seems. You are probably the kind of girl who goes out on a double date with your friend, and when her boyfriend feeds her a piece of cake off of his plate you promptly elbow your boyfriend and point at them as if to say: "Look at him, that was so sweet—why don't you ever do stuff like that for meeeee?" How do I know? Because I was that girl; and it almost cost me everything.

Look at what you have in front of you. You have a man who loves you, who rarely has a negative word to say about you, who probably works his ass off to support you, eats your cooking even when it sucks, and faithfully lays next to you each night with love in his heart. The moment you start comparing him to the "highlight reel" of another man's life is the moment you rob your significant other of any chance he has at being "enough" for you. He is not PlayDoh, so stop trying to mold him into something that you want him to be that he is incapable of being. Start appreciating what he does do for you and I guarantee you will notice a change in him. Stop knocking him down and making him feel unworthy, and stop treating him as if he is the little brother your parents forced you to take to the mall with you. He is a man; your man, and if you treat him with respect and appreciation, he will respond by being a greater partner than you could have ever imagined. Communicate with him, accept him, and make him feel like he is your king, and before you know it—he will be treating you like a queen. Oh, and stop looking at the greener grass on the other side—chances are it's fertilized with bullshit. TC mark

If You’re An Extroverted Introvert, Take These 5 Tips From One Of Your Own

Posted: 22 Jan 2017 04:30 PM PST

Twenty20, @saritawalsh
Twenty20, @saritawalsh

Last week my friend Stephanie asked if anyone knew their Myers-Briggs personality type. I had taken mine at work last year and found out I am an ISTJ. It was the first time I had ever been honest when taking a personality test — that might sound strange, but anytime I took them in high school I always found myself filling out the answer to what I *thought* I should be instead of what I was. As we were described our personalities in depth, mine fit me to a "t".

Some may say there is no place for an introvert in a profession like photography; at times, you have to be able to command entire rooms so there is no place for shyness. However, being an introvert doesn't simply mean you are shy. While many of us are that, it really is more about enjoying solitude, internalizing emotions, and preferring quiet atmospheres. All of this to say that it can be challenging to be a photographer as an introvert and here is why…

I have found over the past few months that one of the keys to being successful in this industry is networking. Without peers who support you, you will get nowhere; you truly, absolutely cannot do this business alone. This involves attending conferences & workshops, building lasting friendships, supporting others' work, hosting parties, volunteering to second shoot, etc — which directly conflicts with the "enjoying solitude & quiet atmospheres" definition above. The thing about being an introvert for me anyway is that I honestly love doing all the activities above and cherish all my new friendships that I have built through this business. BUT, and this is a big one, it is exhausting! Introverts are physically and mentally drained by the end of an event and just want to go home and curl up. If you've read on this far, though, I am probably preaching to the choir!

So I just wanted to share a few methods that I have developed for myself to help find a good balance:

Learn to say, "let me think about it": Introverts typically like think through a response before just spitting it out. Don't be afraid to take some time to think about if you really want to attend happy hour after work or whatever the situation may be. Which leads me to my next tip…

Learn to say, "I'm sorry, but I can't" aka "no": I know I'm a people pleaser, so this one doesn't come easy. I want to be able to do all the things: work full time, manage my own business, shoot for fun, attend events, cook dinner, spend time with my dog and husband, go out with my friends. But some weeks, there isn't time for all of it and you just need to say no. Make sure you aren't saying "no" to the same group all the time so they are more understanding when you do have to!

Schedule alone time: This sounds silly, but if you put it on your calendar and block off time for you to just do you, it's much more likely to happen! You'll feel re-energized and motivated.

Start friendships online: In the wedding industry, we all have a blog, Facebook page, Instagram where we post our work. Find peers that you are drawn to and seek them out. Once you finally do meet in person, you'll feel like you already know them and have an easier time chatting. This one is tough though because you must be authentic. People will see through your smile if you're faking it.

Be the host!: This one seems backward, right? Why would an introvert want to host an event? Well, it put you in control! You have a say over who will be attending, what will be going on, and — most importantly — when the party ends. TC mark

16 Bad Habits That Are Keeping You Single, Even Though You’re A Catch

Posted: 22 Jan 2017 04:00 PM PST

Twenty20, brittneyborowski
Twenty20, brittneyborowski

1. Procrastinating. Don’t keep telling yourself that you’ll text your crush tomorrow, that you’ll ask him out tomorrow, that you’ll deal with it tomorrow. Don’t put your life on hold. Live it now.

2. Forgetting to text back. If you aren’t answering his messages, he’s going to come to the conclusion that you don’t like him. That you aren’t willing to give him a chance. And he’s eventually going to stop vying for your attention.

3. Sleeping in. The more time you spend in your room, the less time you have to interact with other people. Think of all the opportunities you could be missing out on, because you’re choosing to sit in bed.

4. Lying. Don’t lie to push other people away. Don’t lie to make your life easier. You’ll find someone that likes you for you — but only if you’re open and honest with them.

5. Complaining. Happiness is contagious. So is misery. That’s why you’re going to unintentionally push people away if you’re always whining about something. Try to see the good in life. Try to smile for a change.

6. Working 24/7Yes, your passions are important and your career might mean the world to you. But your life shouldn’t revolve around one thing. You need variety. You need to create a work-life balance.

7. Canceling plans. Don’t bow out of a party at the last second, because you don’t feel like getting dressed. Push yourself to go. Mingle. Meet new people. It might be the best night of your life. It might be the night you find your forever person.

8. Drinking heavily. There’s nothing wrong with having fun at the club. But if you black out whenever you exchange numbers with a new guy, you’re never going to remember to text him for a date.

9. Hating yourself. Think of yourself as beautiful. Remind yourself that anyone would be lucky to have you. The more confidence you have, the more men you’ll attract.

10. Texting nonstopDon’t text your best friend while you’re on a date. Don’t scroll through Twitter when you’re at a party. Don’t let your online life replace your real life.

11. Watching too much television. If you’re always watching porn, you’re going to have an unrealistic view on sex. And if you’re always watching Lifetime dramas, you’re going to have an unrealistic view on relationships. Real life isn’t like prime time.

12. Smoking. Most people have automatic deal breakers. If they see you smoking cigarettes or doing hard drugs, that’s it. They won’t even give you a shot.

13. Having poor hygiene. You don’t need skintight outfits and heavy makeup to grab a guy’s attention. But you do need to shower and brush out your knots. Greasy hair isn’t hot.

14. Gossiping. No one wants to date someone they can’t trust. Someone that smiles to their face and then criticizes them behind their back. If you’re a gossip, people aren’t going to want anything to do with you.

15. Being pessimisticIf you’re negative, you won’t realize when the right guy is right in front of you. Instead, you’ll think of all the things that could go wrong and psych yourself out. You’ll ruin the relationship before it officially starts.

16. Bragging. Don’t act like you’re superior to the people around you. Treat them as equals. And they’ll treat you the same. TC mark 

If You’re Feeling Down Today And Having A Tough Time Getting Out Of Bed, Read This

Posted: 22 Jan 2017 03:00 PM PST

 Audrey Reid
Audrey Reid

When you're depressed it isn't just a state of sadness. It's not just something you can simply brush off as having a bad day. Because depression is a series of bad days with no explanation as to why. And you're overcome with guilt for feeling these things. People ask you why you're depressed and you can't actually answer it properly. You just are.

You're doing everything you possibly can to shake this unwelcomed feeling, that has made a home inside you.

You get up and before your eyes even open, you just want to go back to sleep. You already know the type of day you're going to have, based on that weight that feels heavy in your chest.

Your alarm goes off and you turn over the other way and close your eyes. It takes everything in you to just get out of bed. You just want to lay there for the day and not move.

But then you muster whatever strength you have, you get up. You get dressed. You look presentable because as dead as you feel inside, you won't ever dress the part.

So on these days, when it feels hopeless, when you feel like you don't have anything to look forward to or when it physically hurts you the thought of getting through the day, when you want to just go back to sleep, I want you to remember this…

You are not who you are at your worst.
You are not who you are at your most depressed.
This is not a reflection of you and something you've done wrong.
This is not a character flaw.
You do not have to be the happiest person in the room.
It's okay to be sad.
Just don't let that sadness consume you.
All you have to do is get through the day.
It doesn't even have to be a good day, just get through the day,
Tackle the next 24 hours.
Do your absolute best you can whether it's in school or work.
And maybe tomorrow will be better.

When you're depressed and suffering, tomorrows are what you hold onto. Those moments of bliss and happiness for however short it lasts are what you look at.

But if you can remember one thing, those moments of happiness will come back around too.

This state of overwhelming sadness is merely a state of being. Feelings pass and that’s all this is. And this depressed state you’re in will too. You will get through this. WE will get through this. Because I’m with you in this too and you are not alone.

Repeat that, ‘you are not alone’, even in those moments it feels like you are.

All I ask of you is to not give up yet. Hold on to that tomorrow or the next day. Because there are better things ahead than this moment and you have to believe that. You have to trust me.

You’re stronger than you realize. You’re more beautiful than you see in your reflection. And you will get through today you just have to get up, put on that smile and tackle the mother fucking shit out of the day.
TC mark

10 Dating Mistakes Strong Women Make That Stop Them From Falling In Love

Posted: 22 Jan 2017 02:00 PM PST

 Trinity Kubassek

Trinity Kubassek

1. Guarding their hearts. Strong women have a harder time opening up and letting guys in because of their previous heart breaks, but sometimes they're too guarded and give the impression that they're not interested. They're too cautious and that ends up ruining their chances.

2. Expecting more from men. Strong women have expectations, but sometimes they expect too much or expect things to be easier. They want the man to put in more work and they don't approach guys or take chances because they expect it to be the other way around.

3. They're too focused on themselves. While that's a good thing, sometimes it can get in the way of finding love because they're too busy with their careers, their travels or their friends. Love, like anything else in life, requires people to make some time for it. They need to slow down and give love a chance.

4. They got used to doing it all by themselves. They got used to being so independent that the idea of being with someone else or having someone else do things for them terrifies them. They could reject someone just because they're scared of giving up their freedom.

5. Their pride is always their priority. They have too much pride and may not reach out to someone they like or apologize or even tell someone that they miss them even if they're dying to, because they don't want to seem weak or incapable of handling their own emotions.

6. They have their own squad. They mainly hang out with like-minded women so they don't feel like they're missing out on anything. They're all in the same boat, living the same life and looking for a certain type of man or a certain type of relationship that may be harder to find.

7. They know how to let go and they let go easily. And sometimes they let go too quickly, strong women don't like wasting time and they run at the first sign of incompatibility, but first impressions are not very accurate and could often be the complete opposite of who the person really is.

8. They could still not be over someone they once dated. But will never admit it and will push anyone away instead.

9. They're secretly scared of falling in love. Because that takes away their ‘strength’ or so they believe. They think if they don't have control over their feelings, then they're giving up their strength but that's the only way to truly experience falling in love.

10. They don't want to admit that they have a problem. Strong women are stubborn and they're hardly ever wrong, so it's not easy for them to admit that they might be the problem or that they need to change their attitudes. But strong women eventually realize their faults and find ways to work on them or make them better. TC mark

17 Unspoken Rules Of Instagram Everyone Should Obey

Posted: 22 Jan 2017 01:00 PM PST

Pexels, Katii Bishop
Pexels,
Katii Bishop

Sure, Instagram might seem like a place to express yourself and share the things you love with friends and family, but it is not. For college girls, it is a place dictated by unspoken dos and don'ts to follow blindly. Who initially decided that we must not post four pictures of the beach in a row? Who knows, but we're sure as hell not going to do it.

1. You can post a maximum of one Instagram per day. Exceptions can be made for major life events like weddings, graduations, and avocado toast.

2. Do not over-edit your posts. Everyone knows what those weird squiggly lines are from on the wall behind your butt, Bethany. J-Lo doesn’t even look like that. Stop.

3. You can only post an Instagram with a Significant Other (or "bae") if you are actually official. No, 3 AM texts asking "r u up" do not count, even if they sometimes text you the next day.

4. You can only post selfies if you are showcasing a drastically new look, like bangs.

5. You must have more followers than you are following.

6. Keep birthday post captions under two lines long. No one needs to know how Karen totally helped you through your breakup with “the ex” (omg remember that Karen?? haha).

7. Instagrams of people always get more likes than Instagrams of places and things (except the aforementioned avocado toast).

8. Do not follow more than three food-related accounts at once. Everyone can see when you follow @betcheslovecheese, @burratagram, and @wholycheezus all in a row.

9. You can only use one filter on a single Instagram. Pick either Valencia or Amaro, you don't get both.

10. Don’t post solo bikini shots.

11. Don’t post bikini shots where you look ten times better than your friends in the picture. This is also a violation of girl code (which remains unspoken, sorry).

12. Furthermore, it is only socially acceptable to post a #TBT of you in a bikini if it is for a birthday (provided the birthday girl looks as good as you do) or if you are with a dog.

13. In fact, having an animal with you in an Instagram makes any obvious self-promotion kind of okay.

14. Do not post more than three Instagrams from a single vacation or event. You went to Cabo, we get it.

15. You can’t get mad at a SO for following @TFMgirls, but you can get mad if they do not like your Instagram.

16. Do not post too many solo shots in a row.

17. You must like every Instagram any BFF posts, even if said Instagram violates one of the above (formerly) unspoken rules. Girl code > all. TC mark