Thought Catalog


Size Queen

Posted: 26 Jan 2017 08:19 PM PST

@chantylove
@chantylove

I'm sorry.
You leave me so unsatisfied.
I need to find someone with a bigger
heart. TC mark

11 Women Who Have Fucked Men MUCH Older Than Them Spill The Sexy Details

Posted: 26 Jan 2017 08:00 PM PST

Thought.is
Thought.is

1. It was actually the best sex ever

Best sex I’ve ever had was with a man 26 years my senior. I was 25 at the time.

He was (obviously) much more experienced than any lover I’d had before. He was confident enough to talk dirty to me, we explored kink I hadn’t tried before, and overall it was just more relaxed. I had my first orgasm with him.

I think my original mindset was that he was lucky to be with an adventurous younger woman, so I had less inhibitions with him. Turns out, I was lucky to be with an experienced older gentleman who insisted on communication to ensure I was enjoying myself.

Most of the men I’ve been with that are closer to my age are less concerned with foreplay, and more self conscience about their body/ how long they’ll last/ trying to have porno sex.

— screamin_pink_riot

2. Lots of goods, a few bads

Just sex? OK.

Good differences:

  • Way more patient with my own orgasms
  • So much clit love
  • Couldnt give a shit if I was on my period, Id shaved, needed to ‘freshen up’, gained a few pounds, nada
  • Went out of his way to compliment and affirm my femininity and attractiveness during sex. Repeatedly and with a lot of enthusiasm.
  • Wasnt self-conscious about showing affection in front of people he knew
  • Spent more time on foreplay, caressing, kissing, etc
  • Walked around completely naked with no second thought or self-consciousness
  • No awkward porno style positions that are more for visuals than pleasure. That is also my own fault as he would move me out of these positions and say “I think this would be more comfortable”, and he’d be right
  • Orgasm control

Not so great differences:

  • Would get hard but not ROCK hard even if he viscerally felt that way
  • Less volume to his cum
  • Intercourse happened once in a session
  • ED
  • Initial conversations about condoms was tense and awkward in ways Ive never experienced with people around my age. Id guess is a generational difference or him being married once for so long, not sure. He’d had a vasectomy so he thought condoms were eternally optional? It was tough. Guys around my age seem to get condom etiquette. Only ran into a few resistant and they just sheepishly try to argue against using them (but know it is a bit fucked up to try to take that position before we actually get serious). He seemed genuinely baffled and offended Id bring it up. He was very educated otherwise but he still took my bringing it up as a personal judgment.

— glossolalia

3. It’s chill

They have nothing to prove. They just focus on me and having a good time.

— Gangstasaurus_Rex

4. He was AMAZING at oral

I was 19 he was 40. My current SO is 21. Sex with the 40-year-old was some of the best I’ve ever had. He was amazing at giving oral due to years of experience. Younger guys often shy away from oral or are too inexperienced.

I also love being dominated and the age difference helped with that. Again, some younger guys aren’t confident/experienced enough to really take control of me.

I learned a lot from him and he made my first anal experience very pleasurable. I usually go for older men because they know what they’re doing in the bedroom and have no problem taking what they want ;)

— KinkySlut

5. The sex was “amazing”

I was 18, he was 40. The sex was amazing. He really focused on pleasing me, and was great at oral. He wasn’t as hard as younger guys I had been with, but it wasn’t enough to make a difference. He could last a lot longer too. I learned a lot from him and learned what I really liked, how to ask for or take what I wanted.

I gained a lot of sexual confidence. We never tried anal, I wasn’t ready for that at that point. But the dominance thing was a huge turn on for me so his age/experience helped that too.

— MallowWisp

6. Fucked. Made Love. Had Fun.

I was 21 and he was 41. He had just gotten divorced from his wife because she was a prude and they only had sex once a year. Maybe twice.

Anyway, amazing sex. He just knew everything.

He got me to read 50 Shades of Gray, and I know everyone hates that book, but that book gave me some of the best sex experiences of me life. I was always afraid to initiate more kinky sex with SO’s around my age, so an older man taking charge and doing things I never thought I could do before was amazing.

We fucked, we made love, we had fun.

Literally best time of my life.

— random_girl_me

7. “He knew EXACTLY what he was doing.”

The oldest guy i was ever with (pushing 60 when i was 30) knew exactly what he was doing in bed. He was an amazing technician. He knew what his body was capable of and knew what to do to mine. Old dude was an amazing lay, 10/10 would bang again. We broke up because i got into a relationship and he was getting back with his wife.

Also old dudes who were having sex in the 70s don’t care as much about your waxing situation, if the grass is long they will still play in it.

— flyingcatpotato

8. I miss being wanted so much

I was 19, he was 49. We were together for two years.

He was open about the porn he watched. He knew exactly what he wanted, and didn’t really care that it wasn’t what I wanted (was obsessive about wanting me to orgasm, and loved eating me out, which I am NOT down with). He also had never thought he’d ever sleep with someone as young as I was after he’d passed age 25 or so, so he wanted to bone 24/7, like he knew that he was getting really lucky and wanted to take advantage of the moment. Coerced me into doing really dumb shit like having sex on a public beach. Was enamored with my body. We ended up having to use a lot of lube. Also: he did not give two shits about me hooking up with other dudes.

My boyfriend now is just three years older than I am, and while he loves my body and loves having sex, his world doesn’t revolve around either. We could probably go a solid week without me initiating and not have sex. If I’m wearing a top that shows off my boobs, he won’t try to touch them when he sees them (unless he knows that the resulting erection will soon be put to good use). I kind of miss being wanted so much, but I love my boyfriend more than anything, and I’d much rather have a guy who sets clear and reasonable boundaries for us and himself, and who respects me as a person before enjoying my sexual capabilities.

— shortversionisthis

9. Um, they sucked

Unfortunately the men I’ve slept with who were much older were friggin terrible. I had sex with a 40 year old and a 36/37 year old around the same time(I was 19). They were both boring and I didn’t cum with either one. I’m sure there are plenty of very experienced and good older lovers but I didn’t find them.

— milkvamp

10. He CRAVED me.

I was 17, he was 34. He couldn’t get enough of me. Everywhere and anywhere, if he could access me he did – in cars, bathrooms, closets, stairwells, alleyways, once in the aisle of a Woolworths, when that chain was in vogue. I made my holes available and he availed.

The biggest difference for me was how much he wanted me, craved me, seemed addicted to me. Guys my age seemed to be impressed, but not ever to the extent that this guy was – I felt like his personal heroin.

We did this for about eighteen months and then he moved north and got married.

— filthyfilly

11. Huge confidence boost

When I was 18 I entered into a relationship with a man who was 45. It’s been 5 years now and we are 23/50 and very happy still.

I found the difference was subtle, but there. I felt less like I was being judged, and was just automatically accepted which boosted my confidence. I’ve always been shy, but that confidence boost helped me become more active and involved in sex where as before I was always very passive.

Over the space of around 6 months things slowly evolved and I became the instigator almost all the time, something we are both happy with. He is also able to last longer than any other man I’ve been with in the past. He is also a lot more happy to settle for a cuddle over sex, which is nice as I feel the same; Sex only happens when both of us really want too, so there is no “just get this over with” sex.

Things were a little weird at first while we figured out the power dynamics and settled into a comfortable routine, but now neither of us even notice the age difference.

— RazTehWaz TC mark

I Totally Didn’t Even Notice It Took You Two Hours To Text Me Back (What The Fuck?)

Posted: 26 Jan 2017 07:15 PM PST

Inside Amy Schumer
Inside Amy Schumer

Oh! A notification!

This is nothing new, I'm so used to my phone vibrating, sometimes I even let it buzz multiple times before I check to see who texted me (Steve, if this isn't you responding to the text I sent two hours ago, I'm going to scream).

I'm very calm, cool, and collected when it comes to texting in general (I haven't done anything productive in hours). I just kinda text whatever and hit send (I sent a draft of this text to two close friends and edited it twice) and then I just toss my phone out of sight because I could not care less if and when someone responds (I am staring at your name, willing you to respond—you have made me be this way).

Sometimes I even forget that I sent anything in the first place (it is currently the only thought on my mind).

Look, I get it. I'm sooooo bad at texting (what does that even mean, why is that a thing people say?) and so I understand why it's taken you this long to answer me (I don't understand, your phone is practically glued to your face).

It's not like I'm really waiting for you to answer, I'm sure you're busy (you were active on Facebook 3 minutes ago). I'm busy too (I know you were active on Facebook 3 minutes ago because I was also active on Facebook 3 minutes ago).

Our jobs and lives are stressful (I will quit my job if you don’t text me back). I’d almost be weirded out if you did text me back within an appropriate time frame (I sent you a joke, Steve. Do you know what humor is? Just throw an "lol" my way and let me move on).

I'm confident. I'm comfortable with myself. I am a strong, independent woman and I just don't do that thing where I stress out over the fact that I had to text you first and then you didn't answer for half a day (I know the text wasn’t, like, literally LOL-worthy, but it was “haha” funny, right?).

And I don’t follow those weird, arbitrary rules about dating and texting (at what point is it ok to send another text to you? Also, what are we?).

I’ll triple text if I want to (does that make me seem crazy?) or I’ll ignore you right back (I will wait a max of 13 minutes and then it’s physically painful for me not to respond).

Everything is fine (it is the opposite of that). I’m just going to calmly check my phone (Steve…) and see who could possibly be interrupting my very busy workday (…if this is an email from, like, TheSkimm instead of a text back, I will smash everything).

Ah, nope (what the fuck?). Just a text from someone else. I’ll just answer them later (why won’t you text me back?). TC mark

35 Men And Women Share The Weirdest, Most Surprising Things They’ve Encountered In Bed

Posted: 26 Jan 2017 07:00 PM PST

31267133974_e7c915b475_o
via @NickBulanovv

1. *ClickClickClick*

“I had sex with a woman who had an artificial heart valve that clicked audibly when her heart rate went up. The clicking really freaked me out.”

squirrel_farmer

2. Roommate Likes To Watch

“‘My roommate likes to watch.’

‘How weird could it be?” Very.

I’m a guy, the roommate in question was a girl. She just watched, I tried to make conversation, but it turns out she didn’t speak English. Both girls were from Beijing. Also broke her bed. It was a weird night.”

Fawxes42

3. Creepy The First Few Times

“Absence seizures. I knew he had them, but it’s still a shock to be in the middle of things, look down, and… lights on but nobody home.

I stopped and waited, when he came around we talked a bit and eventually got back into it but it was fucking creepy the first few times.”

RaggySparra

4. Steel Plates And Screws

“Not really what I saw but I wasn’t really prepared. I had an ex who had been in a bad car crash at one point and had plates and screws all in her pelvis. The scars weren’t bad but she was anything but flexible. She could pretty much move her legs forwards and backwards. Spreading them was pretty difficult. There was a lot of doggy style.”

Poutinemilkshake2

5. She Was A Master Of Understatement

“‘I’m really tight.’

It was like trying to get a traffic cone into a wine bottle.”

yobsmezn

6. Just A Small Scar

“My now husband said he had a small scar from his circumcision. It’s not small, and when I saw it I said, ‘Wow, your parents should have sued.’ Then I quickly apologized but he just laughed.”

ayannauriel

7. She Didn’t Know What She Was Good At

“Said she was horrible at blow jobs… Gave me one of the best blow jobs of my entire life.

Said she was amazing at hand jobs… I sat paralyzed with a mixture of pain and terror, as an otherwise lovely woman displayed God like grip strength and the Devil’s disregard for the health of a man’s dick.”

THEDUMBSHOW

8. The Condom Shredder

“She told me she was ‘tight’ by tight she meant that no matter how much she loosened up she’d shred condoms like they were made out of tissue paper.”

Chipkay

9. Ouch

“‘It is 8 inches and kinda thick.’

Sureeeeeeee it is

It was. I was in pain.”

dinosaregaylikeme

10. The Confidence Crusher

“Girl I was dating apparently had no sex appetite. First time she tells me, just tell me what way you want me to be in, do what you need to.

She would just lie there. I thought I was a failure but she said that it was normal for her, she didnt like sex at all. She didnt hate it, but she didnt seem to have an appetite for it either.

Theres a Seinfeld episode where George goes through the same thing.

Suffice to say, it didn’t work out and my destroyed confidence was only restored later when a dude I knew who dated her later asked me about her strange sex attitude.”

CanadianMooseRider

11. A Large Protuberance

“I had an ex who had a very large clit. And by very large I mean a macro clit. When we started going out, she was very apprehensive about fooling around and going further than a little tit play. I let it slide for awhile, hoping she would eventually warm up enough to explore further. After about 2 months after we had gotten pretty worked up on the couch, I slid my hand under her jeans top, she grabbed my hand and proceeded to cry and break our embrace. She proceeded to tell me she was a little different than some of the girls I had probably been with. I pressed and she told me that she had a vey large clitoris. I remember clearly a slight sense of trepidation and concern. Of course I reassured her and eventually she relaxed and slipped off her pants. We started going at it again and she allowed my hand to slip into her panties. Holy fuck, she wasn’t kidding, I kept my composure but I could not believe how large of a clit I just ran across. And no it wasn’t a cock. It was a perfectly formed elongated, swollen clitoris. Very responsive and sensitive, but it took me a while to get use to handling such a large protuberance.”

Just1morefix

12. Rup, The Screamer

“I had this buddy Rup who was a great guy. We had known each other for about a year when I suggested we fuck.

We were fooling around and he got me off a few times and we were about to get to penetration.

He was just about to press into me when he stopped and said ‘just so you know, I’m a screamer.’

That phrase turned me off instantly, at the exact moment he entered me. I soldiered on and took one for the team.

When he came, he fucking ROARED my first name in a sound that seemed like equal parts agony and rage.

It was the least sexy thing ever. I jumped out of my skin every time someone said my name for like 5 days.”

MaidMilk

13. “I Don’t Know How She Didn’t Look Like A Mummy Afterward”

“She warned me that she was a squirter. S’all good, been with squirters before.

This girl was more of a pressure washer than a squirter. Sometimes I’d make her cum so much that we would go through a laundry load of towels, it was ridiculous. I don’t know where the fuck it came from either, she barely drank anything. I don’t know how she didn’t look like a fucking mummy after squirting so much.”

xTRYPTAMINEx

14. Her ‘O’ Face

“Her o-face. Beautiful woman, but she looked like Mick Jagger getting kicked in the nuts.”

Gynominer

15. Shocking Cleavage

“A girl I was with stopped before taking her bra off. She said ‘now don’t be surprised, because I’ve had people be pretty shocked before.’ Her boobs didn’t appear massive or tiny, but I assumed she meant she was wearing a padded bra, and I was going to be “shocked” at how small they were.

I was shocked at how big they were. My mouth literally fell open. I have no idea how she stuffed all that boob in that bra, but dammit they were amazing. I should call her….”

no1flyhalf

16. Lactation

“I produce too much prolactin so I lactate all the time even though I’ve never been pregnant. My first bf never said anything about getting it in his mouth so I thought I didn’t produce enough for that so I didn’t think to warn anyone beforehand. The second guy I was with was surprised by it and spit it out which really embarrassed me so i started to warn anyone I got with after him. Most guys didn’t seem to care when I told them but when it actually came down to it several guys were definitely not prepared for the reality of getting in their mouth. Only a couple were grossed out though.”

Isfahel

17. A Double Surprise

“Had a ex who said she liked it rough… I went into her room made out, she opened a closet full of a bunch of leather gear and whips and chains…. we ended our relationship because she liked it rough with other guys.”

Classykins

18. She Had A Gift

“My friend’s girlfriend’s older sister came to our college town to visit one weekend. Fast forward to post-bars, she’s riding my fucking brains out in a way I had not experienced before. I mean this girl had a gift. Near the end I’m trying to hold on to my little soldiers, when she whispers, ‘I hope you’re ready to sleep in a puddle.’ I thought to myself, ‘I wonder wha- ‘ and boy was she not kidding about the puddle. Cutoff mid-thought to myself, I get drenched. So much that it splashed from my stomach to my face and some on the wall behind my head. Being my first experience, I was pretty shocked, especially with the 2.5 seconds of warning time I received.

Dated for about 8 months. Best sex ever. She had a gift, that’s for sure.”

Throwaway_That_Taco

19. Losing Control

“She said she ‘loses control’ and I thought she was just wild.

No. I should have asked for clarification.

Where will you be when diarrhea hits?”

DestroyerOfAglets

20. Disney Tunes Make An Appearance

“She said she liked to hum during. Eh whatever. Fast forward to her humming ‘I’ll make a man out of you’ from Mulan with my dick in her mouth.”

TheHoliestMacaroni

21. Dude Thinks He’s A Wolf

“About two years ago I had started working at a new restaurant around the same time as this guy, let’s call him Jim. Jim was a great server and I had never gotten any red flags from hanging at the bar after shifts out with him, so when I heard from another coworker that he had gotten really drunk one night and asked ‘If you could kill, cook, and eat any one we work with, who would it be?’ I was pretty surprised. Everyone on the staff kind of brushed it off as just drunken ranting so I decided to as well.

We went out drinking one night and I invited him back to my place to smoke a blunt and talk. One thing that we discussed was how he felt that his spirit animal was a wolf (he was half Native American so again, brushed it off). We eventually got too fucked up, one thing led to another and we ended up naked in bed together. We started up and began getting into it, when he let out this deep growl. And I don’t just mean a sensual low growl. I mean like from his nose, loud SNARL, accompanied by a painful scratch down my back by his nails. I liked the kid well enough I just thought it was a one time thing. No, this happened every time we had sex following the first, eventually accompanied by him mentioning blood-letting, which was the sign for me to stop seeing him out side of work.”

madzquinn7

Stay Away From Anyone Who Makes You Feel Like You’re Hard To Love

Posted: 26 Jan 2017 06:00 PM PST

©2016 Nastia Cloutier-Ignatiev
©2016 Nastia Cloutier-Ignatiev

Stay away from people that make you work for their attention. People that only answer texts when you say something interesting enough — or sexual enough. People that only make time for you when they believe you have something to offer them.

Stay away from people that accuse you of overreacting when you’re really just expressing yourself. People that look at you like you should shut up when you tell a story. People that act like they’re superior in every way, like they’re more mature and worldly.

Stay away from people that make you feel unattractive. People that convince you that you look better with your hair straightened and your glasses off. People that you refuse to see, unless you have enough prep time to do your makeup and shave your legs. Stay away from people that you can’t look like your natural self around.

Stay away from people that make you feel guilty about everything that you say and do. People that make you feel like an idiot for getting excited about a concert or an upcoming movie. People that roll their eyes when you get a little loud instead of joining in with you. People that make you feel like your emotions are invalid.

Stay away from people that you feel the need to apologize to, even though you didn’t do anything wrong. You shouldn’t have to say you’re sorry for being too clingy or for asking too many questions or for wearing too much makeup. You shouldn’t have to say you’re sorry for existing.

So stay away from anyone that makes you feel like you’re hard to love. Like it’s an effort to make time for you. An effort to text you back. An effort to listen to your stories. An effort to be around you.

You’re not a burden. You shouldn’t feel out of place when you’re with your partner. Like it’s only a matter of time before they see you for who you really are and escape. You shouldn’t feel like they’re doing you a favor by putting up with you. By lowering their standards to be with you.

Find someone that sees your inner and outer beauty, your core value. Someone that texts you back two seconds after your message sends. Someone that encourages you to talk about your day, even the insignificant bits — because they want to know all about you. They want to hear your voice, hear your story.

Find someone that makes it look like loving you is the easiest thing in the world. Because, for them, it actually is.

They love spending time with you, even if it means spending a little less time with their friends. They love seeing you first thing in the morning, even though your hair is a knotted mess. They love you. No conditions. No exceptions.

A person like that is out there. And they’re worth the long wait.

So please, stay away from people that make you feel like you’re hard to love, because that’s a lie. Loving you is the easiest thing in the world. TC mark 

A ‘Nasty Woman’s’ Abortion Story

Posted: 26 Jan 2017 05:00 PM PST

God & Man
God & Man

I had been broken up with my boyfriend for about 2 weeks when I started to feel some breast soreness. I was familiar with the signs of early pregnancy because of my line of work. I help women, who have been struggling their entire reproductive lives to have a baby.

After I saw the immediate "second line" on my home pregnancy test, I sat on my bathroom floor. I was alone, single, recently dumped and pregnant. This is every girl's worst nightmare. I had told myself that, if this were to happen to me, and If I had a steady income, I would have the baby. Either way, I made the horrible mistake to think that the man who did this to me had a right to know.

His immediate reaction was denial. He told me that I was lying. He told me that I was doing this to rope him back into being with me. He told me that I would be crazy to have a baby because I am not "stable". He abused me with his words. And me, hormonal and emotional and vulnerable, believed that he had the right to make this type of decision, or say these types of things to me. I believed that I was the stupid, irresponsible, low-life that he was indirectly saying I was. My favorite verbatim quote that he said was "what kind of sexually active girl in her mid 20's doesn't go on birth control". Because it was solely MY decision not to use a condom. Because — well it is my body and I must've made the decision to get pregnant.

This is why this is SO important. This is why we need to stand up for planned parenthood. This is why we need to stand up to President Trump. Although my ex was "liberal" and did not identify as a trump supporter, he epitomized Mr. Trump while he stood there berating me and taking away my rights to make a choice about my body.

As I lay down on the stretcher preparing to undergo a surgical abortion, I thought about this man who I allowed to make me feel so small. And how many other men are out there with this exact mindset, exhibiting this type of behavior and negativity towards women. With that being said, I went through with the an abortion. My wonderful, smart, supportive, activist mother was there to support me. But he wasn't there to check up on me or ask me how I was doing. My decision, in the end, was based mostly on the fact that I did not want this child to have him as a father. We need more fathers who actually like women (I know — quite a concept)

We cannot allow this behavior towards women to continue. These are our bodies and we own them. We have the right to make decisions about them, especially if they will affect the rest of our lives, and the lives of our potential offspring. This is no longer acceptable for men to dictate what happens to our bodies and we can make a difference. TC mark

My Social Anxiety Is Not A Weakness

Posted: 26 Jan 2017 04:30 PM PST

Thought.is
Thought.is

What time do I need to leave? What if I leave too early and nobody is there yet? What if I leave too late and I'm the last to arrive and then have to look around the restaurant to find them and look like an idiot? What if I can't find a parking spot? What if I have to sit there and make conversation with one person and can't think of a single thing to say? What if I can't find anything on the menu I like? What about driving to the movie theater afterward? I know there's a parking garage, but where is it? What if I can't find it and I'm the last to arrive and my friends are waiting on me? What if I can't find my way out of the parking garage easily? What if my car doesn't start at the end of the night? What if I lose my keys or my wallet?

***

Oh shit, the friend I was going to arrive with isn't going to this event anymore. Now I have to show up alone – THE. WORST. What if I can't find the location easily? What if everyone sees me trying to parallel park my car on the street and sees how terrible I am at it? What if I arrive too early and see everyone in the first shift and I look like a dork? What if I can't find C when I get there and I don't know what to do and just stand around looking stupid? What if I don't know what I'm doing – I've never painted in my life? What if everyone is buddy-buddy with everyone and I'm just left alone, painting by myself?

***

Social anxiety is about worrying about every worst possible scenario whenever you have to do something social. It's spending the weeks, hours, and days leading up to an event downward-spiraling and falling deeper and deeper into your thoughts as you contemplate everything that could make you uncomfortable or feel out of place. It's getting to an event and feeling like everyone is looking at you and judging you.

Even though almost every single social event I've gone to has been fine and I've wound up having a great time, I'm always going to worry about these events. Always. I will never not worry about them.

It's something I've come to accept. Something that makes me so vastly different than the majority of the population.

***

The first event referenced above happened just this past week when I had plans for dinner and a movie with three close girlfriends. I know these girlfriends well. I love them. I had a great time with them. And yet I still spent the day leading up to our night out worrying about every little logistical detail.

The other event was a charity painting event I did with some coworkers and some people I didn't know back in April of last year. I spent weeks worrying about that event, especially when I found out my best friend wasn't going to be there to be my buffer. I considered canceling multiple times, but I didn't have a good excuse, so I ended up going and asking another friend if she could pick me up on the way there. (This is one of my Social Anxiety Tricks: try to always show up to an event with someone else.) I ended up having a blast, but I couldn't help feeling like a freak about how much I worried about everything leading up to that day.

And that's just the truth of what having social anxiety feels like: it makes me feel like a freak. I can literally drive myself to sickness with how much I worry about certain social situations, and in doing so, it makes me want to just hide away and never make plans with people ever. Life is easier that way. I don't have to worry about anything when my weekend plans are to binge on Netflix and read a book and take naps.

But life wasn't meant to be easy. It was meant to be challenging and messy and crazy and wonderful. And I can't get all that I want out of life if I become a hermit, hiding away in my apartment and never taking chances on something new.

If I hadn't taken a chance and joined a book club in my area, even though I was so nervous leading up to that first meeting that my body was shaking, my teeth were chattering, and my heart rate was through the roof during the drive to the restaurant, I wouldn't have met some of my best friends.

If I hadn't taken a chance and started a new job in an unfamiliar part of town in a completely different industry, even though I couldn't go into the break room for the first few days because I was too shy and didn't make any friends for the first few months, I wouldn't have grown so much as a professional and as a person. And I also wouldn't have met Roomie. Or some of my most favorite people. Or realized that it's totally possible to love what you do, even if it's not your dream job.

If I hadn't taken a chance and started an online dating profile and started saying yes to dates, even though I would spend the hours leading up to the date in the bathroom and get body shakes driving to the restaurant, I wouldn't have met some of the guys I've met and have had some really terrible, really fun, and really mediocre dating experiences.

***

The the truth of the matter is that social anxiety is a part of who I am. It's a challenge. It's difficult to live with. It's not something I would wish on anyone else. But it's part of my story. It does not make me a freak. It doesn't not make me less of a person. It just makes me a human who has limits when it comes to socializing. There are some events I know my anxiety cannot handle – like going to a networking event alone – and there are some events that I know I have to power through because the end result is worth the panic beforehand – like attending a charity painting event or going on a date with someone I met online.

I'm not defined by my social anxiety, but it is a big part of who I am. I'm learning to live with it. I'm learning to acknowledge the effect it has on me. And I'm learning to not beat myself up just because I have to worry about every single logistical detail of social situations.

And I'm learning to speak up about my social anxiety so that people don't have to feel alone. I'm here and I'm listening. TC mark

13 Guys Reveal The Biggest Reasons Why They Won’t Hook Up With A Girl

Posted: 26 Jan 2017 04:00 PM PST

God & Man
God & Man

1. Lousy bed

Because I have a bunk bed and I don’t want to get laughed at.

— turtlewinstherace

2. No spark, no sex

No chemistry. There has to be some level of spark. “Random hot chick I know nothing about” doesn’t do it for me.

— KazanTheMan

3. When she’s rude

I cant stand it when a girl is rude or obnoxious. She could be hot as fuck, but if she’s a bitch then I’m instantly turned off.

— dxb_red

4. I need an emotional connection

I personally don’t like casual sex so before I sleep with someone I like to get to know them a bit. I prefer to have some type of emotional connection before sex.

— Layherup

5. Don’t stick my dick in…ya know

She’s crazy. The sex would be great but the fallout won’t be.

— trillkingcell

6. When junk doesn’t taste good

I’d say hygiene/bad body odor, seriously everyone, WASH YOUR FUCKING JUNK.

— Matrozi

7. Pretty obvious but

If she’s ugly.

— wolfoflone

8. Body size

Her size (heh, get it? “biggest” reason)

— forestlady

9. She’s married

She is married. That “We’re separated!” crap doesn’t fly. To much wiggle room to lie and tell falsehoods. I turned down a gorgeous woman with a smokin’ hot body for months until she showed me some divorce papers.

— QuietRulrOfEvrything

10. Won’t let me do oral

If she won’t let me go down on her I’m going to assume there’s something wrong with it.

— Grngeaux

11. If she drinks

I absolutely will not have sex with a drunk chick, even if I’ve been drinking. Alcohol doesn’t really impair my judgement (just my balance), and I don’t find anything attractive about a drunk chick. Plus, I don’t want them to wake up regretting it and start spreading shit about me taking advantage.

— roastduckie

12. Only do kinks

I’m kinky and pretty insecure with vanillaish sex

— SmartSoda

13. ~Instability~

Obvious catty personality, unstable personality. Thin, boney calves.

— OilyB TC mark

How I Survived Cutting Out Dairy For A Full Week

Posted: 26 Jan 2017 03:30 PM PST

Henrique Félix
Henrique Félix

Quitting dairy was the very last item on my "Find Out What's Causing My Chronic Congestion" to-do list. I've been struggling with this issue since I moved to Tampa five months ago, and I am pretty sure it's related to allergies, but I wanted to exhaust every possible scenario before opting for an ENT specialist. So far I have tried: prescription allergy meds, saline sprays, a neti pot, hypoallergenic pillows, a humidifier, an essential oil diffuser, nasal sprays, and Breathe-Right strips. I even had the maintenance team at my apartment community do a mold inspection. Though, since these apartments were built in 2014, I was pretty certain they wouldn't find anything. They didn't.

So, dairy. Dairy is on the list of things to eliminate if you struggle with congestion. I've always had a certain sensitivity to milk, but it's never been something that has affected my life so much that I needed to eliminate it. I just… need to be close to a bathroom after drinking a Frappuccino, is what I'm saying. But, I figured, let's try eliminating dairy! Who knows… maybe my sensitivity morphed into a full-blown allergy and just randomly coincided with my move. Stranger things have happened, right?

Last week, I eliminated dairy from my life and it led to some really interesting epiphanies on my end. First of all, I never realized how much dairy I consume on a daily basis. I drink a cup of coffee with full-fat creamer most mornings. I like pizza and pizza rolls and cheddar-and-bacon potato skins and cereal with cow's milk and sub sandwiches with mayo and butter on my veggies. I like cheese – string cheese, feta cheese, mozzarella cheese, all of the cheese. And chocolate. Oh, do I love chocolate. Milk chocolate, not dark chocolate. I love creamy, delicious, soothing milk chocolate.

My diet? Was going to have to go through a drastic shift for this dairy-free experiment.

But I did it. I went a week without eating dairy. (Mostly, I had some oops-I-didn't-realize-this-contained-dairy-until-I-ate-it moments.) It was a good week and it was a bad week, and I want to start with what didn't go so well.

  • It was boring.

I derive a lot of enjoyment from food, and I love looking forward to a meal. I did not look forward to any of my meals during this experiment. What I ate was fine: Nutrigrain waffles with peanut butter, salads, clementines, chicken and rice, etc. But it was just… food. It tasted good, but it didn't excite me. I want my food to excite me.

  • Dairy is in every good thing in this world.

Eating out was fairly impossible, which is why it only happened twice for me. I even had to turn down pizza and cake at my nephew's birthday party, and I think I may have hurt my sister-in-law's feelings in the process. (Oof. Not intentional!) And dairy is in everything. I didn't realize this until I started taking a look at the ingredient list for many of my favorite foods. How does someone with a sweet tooth eat dairy-free? Riddle me this, Batman, I want to know.

  • I was so hungry the whole week.

This was probably the hardest part of this week. I was hungry every single day. It makes sense, though: dairy has a lot of protein and in the process of eliminating dairy, I essentially eliminated a good chunk of protein. Rookie mistake.

  • The first few days were outrageously hard.

But aren't they always? It was hard not to give up. I desperately wanted to in those first few days when I was so hungry. I knew I just needed to get over a hump, and it would be smooth sailing from there, but man, getting over that hump is so damn hard.

Okay, so now that I've laid out the difficult parts of last week, let's dive into the positive aspects of my dairy-free experiment!

  • I enjoy eating healthy

I know this contradicts my first point above, but hear me out. Eating healthy does not come naturally to me. I don't reach for fruits and veggies, lean meats and brown rice. I reach for the bad stuff and I love eating the bad stuff. I do not naturally love eating the good stuff, but when I do force myself to eat it, I realize I enjoy healthy foods and it's tasty. Healthy food can taste good! (Rinse and repeat.)

  • I slept better and felt more energized than I have in a while

Sigh, this always happens when I clean up my diet and start exercising more frequently. My sleep improves! I feel great! My energy levels are up! And yet… I've never been able to stick with eating healthy for the long-term. But this week… let's just say I finally slept soundly, which leads into the next point.

  • My congestion (mostly) cleared up

!!!!! Okay, okay, I was sorta hoping the congestion wouldn't clear up because I didn't want to actually have to consider eliminating dairy full-time. But my congestion really cleared up. Not completely, but enough to make a huge difference in my sleep and, to be dramatic, my life.

So, where do I go from here?

Essentially, eliminating dairy from my diet did exactly what I wanted it to do – it helped to clear up my congestion. That said, I am going to see a doctor about my congestion. My congestion never fully went away, so I think it's time to get a specialist involved.

Even still, I am truly interested in eating mostly dairy free. It was a hard week, I won't lie, but it also felt really good. I lost 3 lbs, which is a feat for me lately, and I was sleeping better. I want to aim for the 80/20 rule – 80% of the time I eat dairy free with 20% allowed for indulgences. Pizza with friends, dessert at book club, things like that.

My plan for the week after my dairy-free experiment was to begin reintroducing different dairy products into my diet to test how my body reacted to them. And I've been doing that, and in the process, my congestion has come back with a vengeance. It is quite frustrating, but it just shows me that my body is now reacting differently to dairy than it has in the past. That's life, right? Bodies are weird, complex organisms and we have to learn how to adapt to them.

I'm really glad I experimented with eliminating dairy, and now I'm excited to figure out how to lead a dairy-free existence. I've already discovered vegan mayonnaise ("Veganaise"), which I find to be incredibly delicious. This weekend, I'm going to try my hand at vegan baking (<– something I never thought I'd say.)

Also? I'm really proud of myself for sticking with eating dairy-free, especially when it was intensely difficult, and not giving up. That's something to be proud of, no matter what. TC mark

You’re Not Really An MBTI Nerd Until You Have These 9 Essential Books On Your Bookshelf

Posted: 26 Jan 2017 03:08 PM PST

photo-on-1-26-17-at-5-10-pm

One of the most regular questions I get as a self-identified MBTI nerd is ‘Which books do you recommend?’

There are a lot of Myers-Briggs books on the market – of varying quality. And if I’m being 100% honest, there is a lot of KILLER information online that will probably teach you more than most books. However, if you happen to be a big fan of books that you can actually hold in your hands (like myself), I’ve put together a list just for you!

Here are my personal favorite MBTI books – but by no means is this list comprehensive when it comes to quality MBTI literature!

If You’re Looking For A Brief Introduction To The MBTI

Gifts Differing – Isabel Briggs Myers

gd

Why it's worth a read: This is an introduction to the MBTI that comes straight from the horse's mouth – it is written by Isabel Briggs Myers, who is one of the two original developers of the MBTI. Though it's now fairly outdated, it's important to understand the ideas that originally founded the MBTI.

What this book does well: This book clearly and concisely explains the dichotomies of the MBTI, which is a straightforward and easy-to-understand introduction to the system. It provides good surface-level profiles of each type as well as many interesting statistics regarding type (though the statistics are fairly outdated).

Not recommended if: You are not a beginner to the MBTI. If you already have a base level understanding of most types and cognitive functions, you're unlikely to learn much new information from this book.

Please Understand Me II – David Keirsey

pum

Why it's worth a read: You should read this book because it's super famous and everybody in the MBTI world argues about it all the time.

What this book does well: It explores the four 'temperament groups' in extreme depth. It also delves into individual type descriptions with incredible accuracy and detail. The reason people argue about this book is because a large margin of the personality community believes that the temperament groups shouldn't be sorted the way they are. But, in order to decide for yourself, you should read this book and come to your own conclusions.

Not recommended if: You haven't read anything else about the MBTI. In many ways this book is a good resource for understanding different types but Keirsey is controversial (his perfect type pairings also make a lot of personality nuts go 'ennnnnnnnh, maybe not though') so you should read him alongside other authors to gain a well-rounded understanding of the MBTI.

If You’re Looking To Deepen Your Understanding Of Type Theory And Cognitive Functions

Neuroscience Of Personality – Dario Nardi

brain

Why it's worth a read: Dario Nardi is pretty much the only person who has done significant research on the neuroscience behind cognitive functions. This book is an absolutely fantastic resource for deepening your understanding of the cognitive functions and understanding what your type says about how your brain concretely functions.

What this book does well: This book offers an excellent introduction to each cognitive function and explains which regions of our brain are active when we're using each function. Simply put, this book does concrete scientific research well. Which can't be said for a single other MBTI book on the market.

Not recommended if: You are brand new to the MBTI. The concepts in this book are relatively advanced and it may be difficult to understand if you don't have a base understanding of the dichotomies and the cognitive functions before picking it up.

Was That Really Me? –Naomi L. Quenk

me

Why it's worth a read: This is the only book on the market that explains each type's 'grip behavior' in extreme detail. In a market full of flowery, 'feel great about who you are' MBTI books, this one offers absolutely invaluable insight about how each type behaves when they are unhealthy and under extreme stress.

What this book does well: This book explains cognitive functions and what it means to be in the 'grip' of your inferior function in extreme detail. It is the single most useful function-based MBTI book I have read to date, as well as the only book of its kind on the market.

Not recommended if: You are brand new to the MBTI. Like 'Neuroscience of Personality,' this book is relatively advanced and will be easier to understand if you've done prior reading on type theory and cognitive functions.

If You’re Looking For Books With Practical Applications

Just Your Type – Paul D. Tieger & Barbara Barron-Tieger

jyt

Why it's worth a read: This book cross references EVERY SINGLE PERSONALITY TYPE with every single other personality type. I originally picked up this book simply because of how impressed I was that somebody had taken the time and initiative to do that.

What this book does well: This book provides excellent hands-on tools for interacting with each type, as each type. The insight it provides can be applied to romantic relationships, familial relationships, work relationships, etc.! It also offers an incredibly clear introduction to the MBTI, so it's good for beginners and advanced readers alike.

Not recommended if: You're looking for a book that focuses on cognitive functions. This book doesn't include/focus on functions, though it's clear the authors have a firm grasp of them.

Nurture By Nature – Paul D. Tieger & Barbara Baron-Tieger

nbn

Why it's worth a read: This book defies the common assumption that type can't be properly assessed until the late teen years, and suggests that type can be identified as early as infancy! You have to hand it to Tieger & Tieger for going out on a limb with this one. Plus it's the only child-rearing MBTI book I've ever come across, so in that respect it's the reigning expert in its field!

What this book does well: This book paints an excellent picture of each type at each age between infancy and late adolescence. It offers practical advice for parenting to your child's type, and gives hands-on suggestions for how to reach as well as effectively discipline children of each type.

Not recommended if: Honestly, I can' think of a reason not to read this book. It's great for all levels. Even though it doesn't delve into cognitive functions, it provides fresh information on each type that you cannot find elsewhere.

The Art Of Speed-Reading People – Paul D. Tieger & Barbara Baron-Tieger

spr

Why it's worth a read: This book is an excellent tool not just for typing others but for communicating with them in a way that appeals to their specific cognitive style. Definitely worth a read for anyone looking to improve their communication skills and understand other types better.

What this book does well: My favorite thing about this book is that it's an extremely practical, hands-on guide but it's also highly informative. It teaches you recognize type in various different ways – from actions to appearances to voice patterns to motivators. This is hands-down the most comprehensive guide for typing other people on the market. It is also broken up by fun exercises and quizzes where you can practice what you're learning! This is one of my favorite MBTI books currently on the market.

Not recommended if: You want to remain ignorant about other types. This book renders that impossible.

If You’re Looking For Type-Specific Self-Help Guides

Call this shameless self-promotion (because it's also that), but the following two books are books I wrote because I genuinely wanted to see them on the market. For type specific self-help guides that delve deeply into the specific cognitive functions of each type, check out:

The Comprehensive ENFP Survival Guide – Heidi Priebe

enfpsurvival

and

The Comprehensive INFP Survival Guide – Heidi Priebe

infp

The above books are recommended for anyone who knows, loves or is an ENFP or INFP!

Leave your favorite MBTI book in the comments! TC mark