Thought Catalog


Creepy Dude Slides Into This Girl’s DMs Asking For Nudes And How She Responds Is Hilariously Savage

Posted: 03 Jan 2017 08:15 PM PST

Pixabay/ kaboompics
Pixabay/ kaboompics

Here comes another creepy dude trying to get nude pics out of a girl without even bothering with small talk!

Twitter user Katy shared her story with the world about how she epically trolled this rando. Read on, it’s hilarious! Here’s how it all begins:

via Facebook
via Facebook

So here comes this dude, right out of the gate. “Love ur boobs!” How eloquent, Adrian! He then smoothly transitions to whether this random woman is single, and how much he LOVES her cleavage.

(Adrian, for the record, this is why us men have such a terrible reputation.)

Anyway, this is so absurd that Katy decides to play along.

via Facebook
via Facebook

Katy asks him if he has a tractor, and he says that he does. He invites her to a more…intimate chatting app (WhatsApp) to see his “tractor” but Katy wants pics now.

I guess it’s fair for a woman to demand pics from dudes for a change. But he isn’t willing to give any up, instead trying to pivot the conversation back to Katy’s tits.

via Facebook
via Facebook

And folks, this is how thirsty Adrian was:

via Facebook
via Twitter

He sent it! He sent her a photo of him kissing his tractor, just like Katy had demanded. It was super obvious she was trolling him — I mean, what would a logical person expect after starting the conversation by asking for pictures of her boobs? But maybe there is no logic with some people…

As for Katy, she was just dumbstruck.

via Twitter
via Twitter

Maybe Adrian would have better luck on FamersOnly.com? TC mark

66 People Reveal Why They Deleted Their Facebook Account

Posted: 03 Jan 2017 07:00 PM PST

Thought.is
Thought.is
Found on AskReddit.

1. I realized that Facebook is just a black hole where your time goes.

"Between jobs, I had a lot of spare time that I’d waste on Facebook. I remember one day I said 'I will not use Facebook at all.'

I spent the whole day playing video games and eating food.

I remember feeling like, 'oh man I was actually productive today'… after playing video games all day.

After that, I realized that Facebook is just a black hole where your time goes. You have nothing to show for it and get nothing for it. I deleted my Facebook and I really don’t miss it, I feel like my time is now going to better use."
dreadsin


2. People are way too dramatic, and everyone is always fighting.

"People are way too dramatic, and everyone is always fighting. I also found out the average IQ of my friends was around 4, and it just hurt talking to them."
aliendoctor


3. It made me compare my life to everyone else’s, and that can only lead to sadness.

"It made me compare my life to everyone else’s, and that can only lead to sadness."
kindlered


4. I got fired from my job over my political leanings that were seen on my Facebook page.

"I got fired from my job over my political leanings that were seen on my Facebook page. I decided I didn’t need Facebook after that."
Narcolplock


5. The severe amount of drama with my in-laws.

"The severe amount of drama with my in-laws. All the passive-aggressive snipes, the bitchiness…Ugh, it makes my blood boil just thinking about it. There are a lot of reasons I chose to delete it, but that snapped the camel's back."
nose_for_the_goal


6. The news feed is 99.99% pure cancer.

"The news feed is 99.99% pure cancer."
thecherry94


7. Too many people use Facebook to air their dirty laundry and have domestics for all to see.

"Too many people use Facebook to air their dirty laundry and have domestics for all to see. I don’t give a shit about your issues and neither does anyone else, goodbye Facebook!"
MrOceanColourPants


8. The last straw was a quote from Mark Zuckerburg that implied people were idiots for giving their personal information to his company for free.

"The last straw was a quote from Mark Zuckerburg that implied people were idiots for giving their personal information to his company for free. Prior to that however, it was clear that Facebook was a popularity contest – people who are attractive or sociable got likes for posting anything whereas good content would go ignored if it wasn’t from one of these types."
DownvoteGargler


9. I was checking mine every day as soon as I woke up, only to be disappointed in myself every day.

"I was checking mine every day as soon as I woke up, only to be disappointed in myself every day. So I gave it a three-day test. If I didn’t see anything that I thought was useful information over that period, I would delete it. After that it wasn’t a difficult decision. I’m still not sure if it’s completely deleted as I never sent in the blood sample they wanted to fully delete my account."
noner85


10. Found it to be a heaving pit of narcissistic wannabes.

"I lasted about 3 weeks. Just found it to be a heaving pit of narcissistic wannabes either relishing in a false life and sense of achievement through status likes, or droning on about how bad the world is. The worst type are the bandwagon-hoppers—every time there are atrocities they are straight on it changing profile pics updating status to #prayforparis or some shit (no offense meant Parisians just an example) like they gave a flying in the first place. Guys with no tops, girls with the arch back and fish face, some pricks snotty brat whose face hasn't been wiped in a week, all the selfie stick addicts, mugs who spend more time showing off where they are in the world rather than actually enjoying their holiday, the MOTHERFUCKERS who think they know you well enough to disrespectfully spam you day and night with Farmville. Let me tell you this from the bottom of my heart—fuck you and everything you stand for."
ooSPREEZoo


11. Tripped on mushrooms and reevaluated the things that mattered to me.

"Tripped on mushrooms and reevaluated the things that mattered to me."
ImmersedEntity


12. The morning after the election is what pushed me over the edge.

"I had been wanting to delete it for a while, but the morning after the election is what pushed me over the edge. Every single post was either 'You’re a racist if you voted for Trump' or 'Libtards think it’s the end of the world lol.' So I decided I didn’t give a damn and went off the grid. Best part was the reaction from my friends was just like in the latest season of South Park, practically acting like I had committed suicide. That’s when I knew I had made the right choice."
1st_and_yen


13. It’s like a propaganda newspaper that your racist friends and family made.

"It’s like a propaganda newspaper that your racist friends and family made."
kjanta


14. Facebook has really cheapened the human experience.

"My wife was sitting on the couch one Saturday morning with a cup of coffee and her phone, trying to wake up and start her day. I was looking at her thinking how beautiful she looked, when suddenly her face contorted in pain. She screamed 'NO!!!!!' and started crying hysterically. I was utterly confused and trying to console her while figuring out what the hell was going on. She handed me her phone and I saw that she was on Facebook. Her niece had posted that my wife’s 6-week-old nephew had been murdered a few hours ago. That was how my wife found out, no phone call not even a text message. I then realized that Facebook has really cheapened the human experience, it has reduced our communication with each other to impersonal blogging. I decided not to be a part of it anymore."
TheWitcher3Sux


15. I realized that I was spending all my time my face dug in my phone.

"I realized that I was spending all my time my face dug in my phone. Stopped it completely."
HuseyinCinar


16. Decided that the people that liked me would find a way to speak to me.

"An old school ‘friend’ kept moaning on Facebook about how her kids were a pain, which was no surprise seeing as she seemed to spend more time on Facebook than with her kids. Decided that the people that liked me would find a way to speak to me. Funnily enough they did, and I didn’t need Facebook."
EdanE33


17. Went through a horrible breakup when I discovered my (ex) boyfriend had been cheating on me with multiple women.

"Went through a horrible breakup when I discovered my (ex) boyfriend had been cheating on me with multiple women. I tortured myself for a few months, basically Internet stalking these girls and making myself feel even more inadequate. I realized if I was ever going to move on I needed to stop comparing myself to them and decided to go cold turkey. Facebook deleted.

After a few months or so I thought about getting it back but actually hadn’t missed it one bit.

6 years later and I’m just not interested! People are still shocked when I say I’m not on Facebook though. As a 26-year-old sociable female it’s almost unheard of."
barrychucklez


18. The same crap over and over.

"Do you ever go to the refrigerator to see if something is appealing and later on you return to see if anything is appealing as if something magically appeared…this is checking Facebook throughout the day—the same crap over and over. When I came to this realization I deleted it."
Gman767


19. Realized that I was looking at a croissant someone I worked with years prior was having for breakfast.

"Realized that I was looking at a croissant someone I worked with years prior was having for breakfast. That’s not how I want to spend my time."
RockDicolus


20. Zuckerberg is a sleaze.

"Lack of privacy.

Lack of trust in the company.

Zuckerberg is a sleaze.

It’s depressing to be reminded of what I don’t have and/or haven’t achieved.

The politics… My friends and acquaintances have always had some views that are stupid and that’s okay, but that doesn’t mean I want to see them every day.
The politics of the company itself.

Ignoring the privacy issues, Facebook made sense in college. The jokes, the messages, information about parties, and let’s face it… gossip. But it doesn’t make sense for me 10 years later.

I love not having Facebook. Not going back; not tempted to go back. Aside from from feeling less stress and more relaxed, it’s great to be absolved of the responsibility of knowing anything that’s posted there. Now, when friends or family start gossiping and talking trash about some bullshit drama, I just say, 'oh I don’t have a Facebook.' Bliss."
RP_Fan


21. All of the data mining and privacy concerns added up.

"All of the data mining and privacy concerns added up. Also my parents and extended family started getting upset that I wasn’t liking their photos and passing on their bullshit chain messages. Like actually getting upset with me in real life. So I fucked it right off and haven’t looked back."
gamingchicken


22. Getting offended by something someone I hadn’t seen or talked to in over ten years posted.

"Getting offended by something someone I hadn’t seen or talked to in over ten years posted. I thought to myself, 'What the heck am I doing?' That, coupled with getting tired of having to take the perfect picture when out with friends."
ohymygoditspurple


23. It wasn’t helping me to see old exes and people I used to be close to who have moved on.

"I deleted it as one of many steps to cure my depression. It wasn’t helping me to see old exes and people I used to be close to who have moved on, so I got rid of it and have been much happier since. Oh, and the time saved per day that isn’t wasted Facebook-surfing? I turned that into a second job. :)"
Seredhiel90


24. Someone who assaulted me in high school found me and sent a friend request.

"Someone who assaulted me in high school found me and sent a friend request. It was the last straw in a mountain of straws and I deleted everything and left."
anarashka


25. I’ve been battling postpartum depression for a while now and I kept having ads for it pop up.

"I’ve been battling postpartum depression for a while now and I kept having ads for it pop up. Then there were people constantly reminding me about my husband’s death. I never made a post about it and I’d constantly get messages from people asking how he was doing; it just got to the point where it was too much for me."
The_ocean_is_my_home


26. I didn’t like the idea that I was putting my life on display for the entire world.

"Privacy: I didn’t like the idea that I was putting my life on display for the entire world, nor did I like the idea that weirdos and exes could just idly stalk me and my family whenever they felt like it.

Manipulation: I don’t like the power Facebook has over its users. It's a simple matter of steering emotionally charged imagery and opinion towards people to manipulate how they think, act, and believe. I also see it as an extremely polarizing; it’s very easy to get caught up in believing you and all these strangers know THE TRUTH, while the shadowy others that disagree with you are TERRIBLE HITLERS. You never talk to someone who disagrees with you, you simply preach to the choir and circle-jerk each other's likes. I half-joke that I got rid of FB because I got tired of hating my friends and family.

Isolation: Social media gives the appearance of social interaction, while eliminating as much social interaction as possible. I found myself viewing friends' pages, liking their pictures, but rarely actually visiting them or calling them up. At a certain point, lifelong friends were as real to me as celebrities or memes. That’s bizarre and horrifying.

Shady business practices: Even though I know that it was laid out to me in the contract, etc. I got more and more uncomfortable with the fact that my thoughts, communications, and images were legally owned by FB and whoever FB decided to sell them to. I didn’t like the idea that my life experiences were commodified, and I started thinking how weird it was that this is so normalized. Tell any mother to leave a box of her baby’s pictures on a park bench for anyone to take, and she’d likely be horrified…but she’ll post every baby pic she ever takes on FB.

Balanced against the things I hate about FB, there’s…what, exactly? I tried to think about what I actually gained from FB, and I came up short. Keeping in touch with people? Email, phones and meeting up did that better. Status signaling? I don’t think surrendering all privacy for a minor ego stroke was a good deal.
There’s nothing for me in that fucking trap. I’m willing to bet there’s nothing there for you, either."
Bag_of_Drowned_Cats


27. The roaring dumpster fire that people call a news feed was too much for me.

"The roaring dumpster fire that people call a news feed was too much for me. I like my friends, but I never wanna know their political views on things."
iwrestledaDanaonce


28. Realized one day that I’d purged everyone.

"Every couple of months I would do a friend 'purge' and either delete or hide people whose feeds annoyed me. Realized one day that I’d purged everyone…"
main-sequence-star


29. My mom died and waves of condolences I neither needed or wanted started flooding in.

"My mom died and waves of condolences I neither needed or wanted started flooding in from people for whom I didn’t give a shit."
BobBastrd


30. Started getting friend requests from people who hated me in high school.

"I had it for two weeks in 2009. Started getting friend requests from people who hated me in high school. Thought ‘Fuck this shit’ and deleted it. My profile resurrected five years later and started messaging everyone about Ray-Bans. Had a quick look, saw absolutely nothing to draw me back. DRAHMAHS."
blinky84


31. Just people posting pictures of what they eat or people with kids or newborn kid.

"I got bored of what it had become by then. Just people posting pictures of what they eat or people with kids or newborn kid. So annoying!"
LeMacHamac


32. Going to my ex’s profile all the time.

"Going to my ex’s profile all the time."
jrg152


33. Seeing pics of my (ex)-gf at a house party drunk and half-naked.

"Seeing pics of my (ex)-gf at a house party drunk and half-naked when she told me she was at her mother's all weekend…."
phman888


34. I was intensely bullied online.

"Well, I was fifteen when I deleted it—I'm now 22. I was intensely bullied online; groups and comments and pictures put up for the sole intent of making me feel awful about myself. There was a picture that had like 25 comments from the same nine guys just going back on forth on how I deserved to die, how ugly I was, – I’ve never actually read through them, just been told from friends.

The final straw was pretty much the moment I realized I couldn’t log in without feeling sick rising up from my stomach, without my heart running a marathon every time I saw 'one new notification.' I was like nope, and quit. And I never, ever wanted it again.

You get a lot of people asking why. The truth has changed over the years, actually, as to why I still don’t have it. And I never, ever mention the cyber-bullying. Who wants to see that shitty pity-face?

At first, yeah, it was a way for me to get away from constant anxiety, but then it turned into something else. I just didn’t want it. The people I had in my life – were the people I wanted in my life. I didn’t want access to any Tom, Dick and Harry – I wanted a little circle of people and family that I could contact via phone, a small amount of people who didn’t have to scroll through my fb to know what I was doing – they could just ask me.

I hate pretty much all social media tbh. I think it takes valuable time from people’s lives, takes them away from the present and their friends, and takes them to another place they don’t need to be. I know I’m that annoying person that says ‘will you get off your phone’, but I’d rather be that than the dead-eyed person staring at their screen 24/7."
emberrypie944


35. I just can’t stand how naive and stupid people are anymore.

"A picture from an obviously fake account (pictures didn’t match and showed up on a reverse image search) of an obviously attractive young woman in a wheelchair with the caption 'my friends say I’m ugly and nobody will share this'…

It was shared 80,000 times with everyone telling her how beautiful she was blah blah blah. One guy even said he would take her out on a date and publicly gave out his phone number.

I just can’t stand how naive and stupid people are anymore.

I know I sound like an elitist snob, but it’s mind-boggling what people believe on Facebook. The ads, constant bragging, game requests, and attention whoring…it just got to me."
__nightshaded__


36. 'LOOK AT ME! I AM IMPORTANT.'

"Facebook I like to call Fakebook.

You aren’t 'keeping in touch with your friends.' You are keeping in touch with the image of the friend that said person wants to project. You only get what they give you, and it’s all fake shit.

Also not to mention how self-centered it is. It’s the reason people have to take selfies with their face in it for everything they do… So they can post it and say 'LOOK AT ME! I AM IMPORTANT.'"
TheMacPhisto


37. Insane amounts of false information.

"Insane amounts of false information. I don’t want to read your lame-ass quote on how to be a better person. The love of my life dating my friend—you know, the usual."
foreverteenyears


38. For me, it was the eccentric, attention-starved behavior.

"For me, it was the eccentric, attention-starved behavior (especially Valentine's Day).

1. A lot of the people on my feed thought that in spite of being single that somebody owed them roses and chocolates. That’s really not how it works>:i

2. People who post pictures and make some quip about how 'ugly' or 'fat' they were in hopes for a compliment. Miss me with that forced vanity horse shit.

3. Way too much passive0aggressive behavior. Vague messages about who or what has your panties in a wad with no explanation in spite of the fact that you made a PUBLIC FUCKING POST!

4. The irrational demand to be acknowledged just for the sake of it. You know, the whole, 'Since most of you don’t care about me I’m just going to start deleting friends unless you say something.' Go hug a fucking relative, you depraved brat.

And yes, I was guilty of some of this shit, too (especially in my early 20’s which shows the difficulty of resisting toxic Internet behavior no matter who you are. I do believe it is possible to navigate social media without these annoying habits. It’s just fucking difficult."
gettinbetter


39. All the pages that I got memes from started posting stupid shit and those godawful minion memes.

"I never socialized with any of my 300 friends other than my sister and 4 friends. All the pages that I got memes from started posting stupid shit and those godawful minion memes. But the worst part was when the pages that gave me news about movies and stuff started posting clickbait. That pushed me to my limit and I deleted my account."
HornyNcurious66


40. Crazy ex.

"Crazy ex. My current SO and I were together for a while, then we weren’t for about a year, that’s when I was with the Crazy, and since then we’re back together and for good. Crazy was convinced we were somehow fated to be together and got awfully stalkery and disruptive and dealing with that kind of shit made me realize that there isn’t anyone I wanted to interact with on a regular basis that required me to use Facebook to do so. So I shit-canned the whole thing and haven’t looked back."
Kalipygia


41. I realized that I not only wasn’t really interested in what anyone was posting, but also that they actively irritated me.

"When I realized that I not only wasn’t really interested in what anyone was posting, but also that they actively irritated me. I had over 500 'friends,' but only one or two people were posting anything worth even glancing at, and even those were hit or miss. Then the political crap started. By February 2016, I had enough. When my birthday hit in April, and NOBODY messaged me, I realized that those 'friends' were ephemeral at best. Facebook makes you feel better about yourself at first, because it gives you a sense of community, a sense that you belong to something greater, but then the cold reality sets in and you realize that everyone is self-absorbed and just want everyone to think that THEIR life is better than yours. I still hear my wife complaining about all the people that have such great lives, posting wonderful family pictures, but I don’t believe most of them. There were bribes, fights, and tears involved before that final postable photo."
Aegisuv


42. I’d rather have 3 close friends than 300 Facebook friends.

"In 2008 I friended this dude I went to grade school with. He referred to himself as a digital nomad, somehow always being able to hustle income together to be able to travel the world. Never lived in the same place for more than a year. His fb updates and pics were nothing but travel.

Fast-forward to two weeks ago. He dies in a tragic snowboarding accident. He was only 34.

Suddenly the fb posts start flooding to his page, about what a great dude he was, how inspirational and fun he was, how he positively impacted everyone he met.

Then this woman posts a pic to his wall. It’s a picture of him with a child and the caption is something like 'look, I’m probably a piece of shit for posting this, but everyone needs to understand that there are two sides to every coin. This dude is a father who refused to take care of his son because he wanted to live his dream of being a nomad. His son is now 7 and has met his father 3 times.' NO ONE KNEW this dude was a father and while that post was probably not appropriate given the circumstances, it really made me think about the number of people I think I know. This dude actually had a ton of issues he was struggling with, but he had spent so long carefully crafting his persona online that even some of his close friends didn’t know about some of the stuff he was going through. As much as the nomad lifestyle was something he was pursuing, it was also a means to run away from a lot of people and situations he didn’t want to deal with.

It’s getting to the point where sites like Facebook have been around long enough to truly impact our worldview and our perceptions of others.

I’d rather have 3 close friends than 300 Facebook friends."
toasted_rays


43. It’s such a waste of time.

"It’s such a waste of time. Really. And it’s a breeding ground for vile conversations and debates, political and otherwise. Social media in general has dehumanized everyone to the point that nobody has tact or patience, and they’ll say whatever, whenever. Honesty is awesome, but whatever happened to ‘if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all’? I digress. I still have a Facebook account, but only to manage my music page. I very seldom check my newsfeed anymore.

Ironically, part of my job is social media. I have a love/hate relationship with it. It’s brilliant, but terrifying. The convenience of keeping in touch and being informed = fantastic. The challenge of privacy/sanity/depression/being informed too much = enough to make me want to cut the cord at least several times a week."
lyricweaver


44. When I was starting to base my self-worth on the number of (likes) my so-called life got.

"When I was starting to base my self-worth on the number of (likes) my so-called life got."
kichenmagician


45. Everybody becoming a political pundit while citing clickbait articles to fuel their political activism.

"Everybody becoming a political pundit while citing clickbait articles to fuel their political activism…dummies."
Poxington


46. I was becoming one of those crazy stay-at-home moms that would post every 10 minutes looking for attention.

"I was becoming one of those crazy stay-at-home moms that would post every 10 minutes looking for attention. I was going through a really rough spot raising my daughter who has some developmental problems and I used Facebook as a means to socialize with anybody or just myself really. I couldn’t have a life because her immune system was compromised, so Facebook became my life. I know boohoo for you, but it happens."
RadioIsMyFriend


47. I just got tired of all the tailored BS with the fake news and fake people.

"I just got tired of all the tailored BS with the fake news and fake people. The fake people made me predisposed to depression and reading the 'news articles' that were extremely polarized (I was friends with both liberals and conservatives) made me realize that it’s all fake and biased. The real reward was a few months after I deleted fb and my veteran cousin with PTSD and strong/caustic opinions went off on my sister because she posted something about not standing for the National Anthem. I heard about it from my sister and my first reaction was 'holy crap, that’s messed up' followed closely by the realization that I avoided all of that drama. It was a pretty nice feeling."
oneofthelonewolfmen


48. I deleted it after an ex-girlfriend accused me of making threats (I never made any such comments) and they notified me that my account was suspended.

"I deleted it after an ex-girlfriend accused me of making threats (I never made any such comments) and they notified me that my account was suspended. However, they never told me the exact reason they were suspending my account (this was a BUSINESS account), only keep referring me to their terms of use. I appealed the decision and STILL only received references to the terms of use which I argued had no bearing on any behavior on my account. After 3 weeks of attempting to get them to prove that I had breached their terms in any way and STILL only receiving bot references to the terms of use, I deleted my account.

I didn’t learn until over a year later from someone who knew my ex that she had bragged all about fucking with me by saying that I’d threatened her via Facebook."
NHDaddy4U


49. I found that Facebook would make me really sad.

"I found that Facebook would make me really sad. I have an obsessive nature so I would spend hours stalking people, their friends, etc., and comparing their lives to mine. My life seemed really boring in comparison.

It took a few deactivate-reactivate cycles to realize this, and I fully deleted my profile a year ago. I now don’t miss Facebook a bit, and looking at friends on it, I don’t think I will ever go back. It just seems weird to me now.

I prefer to catch up with people every few months; there is often a lot to talk about since I don’t get to see every detail of their lives in real time anymore!"
Wartortl__


50. I’m just so fed up with the people who post nothing but one-sided political propaganda all day every day.

"I’m just so fed up with the people who post nothing but one-sided political propaganda all day every day. I thought it would die off after the election, but they just keep going. They do absolutely zero research, don’t read anything longer than a Twitter comment or stupid meme, and pass it along as fact which leads to the next dipshit following suit."
SugarShane333


51. Other people’s fake happiness started to make me jealous.

"Other people’s fake happiness started to make me jealous. (I’m a horrible person, I know.)"
stoner_prime


52. I felt surveilled and got out.

"Ads started coming up in my FB feed for things referring to a condition I recently got diagnosed with. I had not googled the condition or anything like that. I had only write about it in my phone text messaging telling my sister about the diagnose. I felt surveilled and got out."
DonDimpen


53. I got sick of my girlfriend, who uses Facebook like 25 times a day.

"I got sick of my girlfriend, who uses Facebook like 25 times a day, always looking over my shoulder to see if other girls were messaging me. I’m just scrolling just like she is! I deleted mine and started hacking into her FB messenger to find other guys she’s been talking to. TL;DR Deleting Facebook helped me dump my guilty ex-GF basically."
goober_boobz


54. Woke up one morning with 14 notifications about people and things I realized I really didn’t care about.

"Woke up one morning with 14 notifications about people and things I realized I really didn’t care about. Deleted my account and went straight back to sleep. Best decision I have ever made."
Nevrozz


55. Every single fb post is either a brag or a complaint.

"Every single fb post is either a brag or a complaint. 2 things I hate hearing from others. Once I realized this it was a pretty easy later."
Clap4boobies


56. People confusing 'you’re' and 'your.'.

"People confusing 'you’re' and 'your.'

'Like this if your my friend.'

Ugh. Go sit on a fist."
Meatface5


57. The addiction is in the constant need to be validated.

"My best friend was killed in a work accident. I’m 35. It was mind-blowing to see all the people who sort of exploited it for 'likes.' He didn’t have many friends, but after he died, people who barely knew him were getting tribute tattoos. Those seemed like pretty expensive FB posts, or some sort of grieving-chic thing.

At the end of the day, Facebook is like the game The Sims, or some sort of weird arms race. People parade their poor kids and pets around for daily photoshoots. The addiction is in the constant need to be validated. People get trapped in these personas. It’s very, very sad. People sort of 'focus test' their entire lives now, and that’s not how good things rise to the top."
dougiezero


58. Influx of baby boomers that ruin it like they ruin everything else.

"Influx of baby boomers that ruin it like they ruin everything else."
garlic_b


59. Every time I drank when I was single, I’d go on it and be really stupid.

"Every time I drank when I was single, I’d go on it and be really stupid. I deleted it 2 years ago when I got into a relationship and haven’t looked back. I deleted Instagram, Snapchat, and Facebook. I keep a Twitter for political and sports breaking news, but my days are much more productive due to deleting most social media."
cheesus_ricet


60. Final straw was every family member commenting on every status ever.

"I was getting extremely annoyed with people sharing clickbait articles with their deranged opinions, but that was technically the first straw. Final straw was every family member commenting on every status ever.

'Just went out and bought Childish Gambino’s new album, hope it’s good!'

Grandma comments – I don’t know who that is but I love you! Mom comments – are you still listening to that Devil music? Aunt comments – did that sweater I bought you last Christmas fit? Friend with similar taste in music comments – JK he doesn’t comment because my family can’t just text me."
SenpaiSwanky


61. It made me really gloomy at night, because I’d be watching people on Facebook have fun while I was trying to fall asleep from the painkillers.

"My acquaintances from back in high school were posting photos of fancy dinners, beautiful sceneries from their travels, and nights out. I suffer from cystic fibrosis and pancreatic cancer so I can’t really do any of that and I don’t really have anything to offer on Facebook. It made me really gloomy at night, because I’d be watching people on Facebook have fun while I was trying to fall asleep from the painkillers. Plus, I am alone so that didn’t help – my mom passed away and I’ve lost contact with my dad. Come to think of it, I think I was just sulking because I didn’t get to live/enjoy as much as others, and it was petty of me, but either way, getting off of Facebook really helped me."
Milkypopsicle


62. Outed as gay to my town.

"Outed as gay to my town. Resulted in me losing my house, my job, my friends, my family. Facebook is a cesspool of gossip, drama, and fake news."
Logical-Lizard


63. I’m a negative enough person as it is, and seeing the worst side of everyone else did not help matters.

"I’m a negative enough person as it is, and seeing the worst side of everyone else did not help matters. On top of that, I found myself looking at endless BuzzFeed links and horribly uninformed political opinions."
BeerBellies


64. Everything was a political fight.

"Everything was a political fight. It turned into scrolling down and just thinking 'That's wrong,' 'That's a stupid opinion,' and various other negative disagreeing statements. That much negativity, even though I know was all on my part, became tiring and affected the rest of my mindset. I was over the 'debates' and everyone, including me, posting their crap political stances.

That and the creepy government intrusion, listening via Facebook to everything you say and do. Having federal agents use what you said to others in '"privacy' and they picked up via your phone in court made me realize how this will all be happening in the future. I’d get rid of my cell phone if that was a viable option."
HemingwayMouthwash


65. It's really sad to read constantly.

"People bragging about their success and people posting about how depressing they are because of how 'unsuccessful' they are. It's really sad to read constantly."
mtteo


66. I found myself on the verge of hating people I genuinely care about.

"I deleted Facebook because I found myself on the verge of hating people I genuinely care about. People are not who they are on Facebook, or at least, that’s what I want to believe. Beyond that I started to hate how I would constantly go back to the app like a rat to the feeder bar. A few days after deleting it I found myself using the time that would have been spent on Facebook doing far more productive things."
MyNoNos TC mark

12 Things You Don’t Realize She’s Doing Because She Feels Worthless

Posted: 03 Jan 2017 06:00 PM PST

Pexels, Adrianna Calvo
Pexels,
Adrianna Calvo

1. She can’t take a compliment. When someone comments on her eyes, she shakes her head. When someone comments on her little black dress, she mentions how she hates the color on her. She won’t accept the fact that she’s beautiful.

2. She enters toxic relationships. She feels lucky whenever someone shows interest in her. Even if he cheats on her. Even if he breaks her. At least she’s not single…

3. She reads all the time. Or binge watches television. Or replays a certain album over and over again until she’s sick of every song. It’s escapism. A way for her to forget about her crappy life and pretend she’s somewhere else. That she’s someone else.

4. She takes forever to text back. She’s lonely. But when a friend tries to reach out to her, she doesn’t respond. She feels like she has nothing worthwhile to say. Like she’d only bring the other person down. Depress them.

5. She posts, and then deletes. She was excited about a certain selfie. But then no one ‘liked’ it. But then she felt silly for posting it. So she deleted it before even more people could come across it and judge her.

6. She’s quiet during group conversations. She doesn’t want to brag about her promotion, because she’s still working at a movie theater while her friends are all at their dream jobs. She doesn’t realize how well she’s doing, because she keeps comparing herself to everyone around her.

7. She lashes out. When a friend comes to her with good news, it’s hard for her to give congratulations. Her jealousy takes control. It consumes her. She views every good thing that happens to someone else as something bad that’s happening to her.

8. She has an unhealthy sleep schedule. She’s up until four or five in the morning, so she doesn’t wake up until noon. And she likes it that way. There are fewer chances for her to interact with people when she’s a night owl.

9. She covers up her body. She wears baggy clothing whenever she leaves the house — not because they’re comfortable or make her feel pretty — because she doesn’t want anyone seeing her shape. She hates what she looks like. She wants to hide herself away.

10. She contacts her exes. They can’t make her feel any worse about herself than she already does. She might as well talk to them to pass the time.

11. She stays off of social media. Everyone else is posting pictures of their engagement rings and statuses about their fancy degrees. Even if she’s excited about an accomplishment, that excitement doesn’t last long. She feels like it pales in comparison to her peers. Like they’re years ahead of her and she’s lagging behind.

12. She gets drunk. She feels a little better about herself when there’s alcohol in her stomach. Of course, that happiness fades away as soon as she wakes up with a hangover. Then she feels even worse about herself. TC mark

16 Men And Women Tell The Story Of The Worst Tinder Date They Ever Had To Endure

Posted: 03 Jan 2017 05:00 PM PST

Thought.is
Thought.is

1. A Different Person Showed Up

“Not exactly my worst, but potentially most confounding. Completely different girl showed up to my date. I’m not talking clever use of camera angles. This was a completely different person.

I was honestly just amazed that someone had actually done this, and that I was witnessing it. It was one of those things that I’ve heard stories about from friends, but never actually experienced.

It was super weird. She mentioned facts about me as if she was the one I was messaging, so who knows. I left after a drink. Met up with some friends.”

ineedabulldog

2. Not A Match

“Finding my mom on there.”

downtodouch

3. Stood up twice in one night

“I once got stood up twice in one night. With the first girl, me and her had an actual planned out date a few days in advance. I get to the place and texted her. She texted me 20 min later and said she had met up with a friend beforehand so she was running late. She never showed up. I started Tindering at the bar, matched with someone, told her about my situation and asked her what she was up to. She said she was at a bar by herself, and told me that it sucked that my date just didn’t show up. I asked her if I could join, and she gave me an enthusiastic-sounding “sure!”. She wasn’t there when I showed up lol. I sarcastically messaged her ‘Wow stood up twice in one night! I feel like I should get a prize or something.’ She didn’t respond and un-matched me the next day. The first date later said that she showed up late and I had left already, and wanted to re-schedule. I just wasn’t feeling it anymore and got off Tinder after that one.”

Isansa

4. The Rock n Roll Lifestyle

“Guy invited me on a date to a bar to watch a band play and get a drink or two. I show up and wait around for a good 20 minutes. Turns out it was his band that was playing and he had invited 3 other girls on ‘dates.’ I was so mad, and waiting outside for my Uber when he came out and told me I was being incredibly rude and he never wanted to see me again.”

rosieyourealright

5. White Girl, Into Asian Dudes, Hates asian Food

“I’m an Asian dude. Matched with a white girl who was very clear in her profile that she only wanted Asian dudes. Normally, I don’t like being with anyone with a racial preference, even if it’s my race, but everything else about her (job, hobbies, etc.) seemed pretty interesting. Took her to a Korean restaurant and she revealed to me that she’s one of them picky eaters that grew up eating chicken fingers her entire life. Everything else about her turned out to be as boring as her culinary preferences. How do you expect to land an Asian dude when you’re afraid of any cuisine outside of fast food?!?!?”

JonNYBlazinAzN

6. The Bitter Tinder Ex

“Back in college, met a girl on Tinder. Invited her over after meeting out at the bars that night. We hook up and she was gone in the morning. We went out 1 more time sober and realized it wasn’t working out/what we wanted so we stopped talking.

Anyways, 2 months later. My roommate brings her home and they hook up. Apparently they met on Tinder as well. I wake up to her coming into my room. I wake up and ask her to leave since I had class the next morning. She ends up pushing this red button that was in all the bed rooms at this particular campus. For those who have never seen this, it is a small red button that sends the police a distress signal.

Anyways, later I have the police at our apartment as I explain to them that she thought it was funny to be press the button and I want her to leave. Meanwhile, she goes on saying it was an accident. Luckily, she finally leaves after all that.”

SlayOwensSlay

7. The Most Expensive Tinder Date

“Not me but a friend of mine.

So he met this girl on Tinder, they chatted an after a month she invited him to her town, around 100km away. He agreed because he had a fucking date! So he drove to the town and a nice evening, eventually they got dinner. They eat but after the meal she ‘gotta go to the toilette’ but never comes back.

He had to pay the whole bill with his leftover money. He got back home and it was an pretty expensive trip for him…”

SivkoII

8. I Love You!

“Matched with an insanely hot guy. Told me he was a virgin but figured I’d let it slide. Go to his place and he was super handsy and sucked at kissing. I decided I was over it and told him I had to leave. He hugged me at the door and said, ‘I love you.. I mean I love your body!’

I got out of there so fast that I left my favorite cardigan. I have no desire to get it back.”

officialkinzie

9. Partied Out

“In 2013 my buddy hit it off with a young lady on Tinder. She lived in a college town about an hour away and he invited her out drinking in our city. He, I, and a dozen of our male friends were pregaming hard before a fraternity mixer. She shows up to his new and expensive highrise condo and she’s gained at least 40 or 50 pounds since her profile pictures were taken. Then she got riggity riggity rekd on shots and beers. Most of the party clears put to get changed and it’s just the owner of the condo, her, and me. It’s maybe 10pm and we want to go out but she’s slurring her words. She starts vomiting. And doesn’t stop for an hour, that’s when I went left. Why the owner of the condo decided comes with me is a question lost to history, but he leaves her in the bathroom. When he got back he said she had curled up on his bed and puked on the night stand. So he sleeps on the couch.

And when he awoke, she had disappeared without paying for or cleaning anything.”

JailBaitFBIAgent

10. “I Renounce All material possessions”

“Not me but a friend of mine met a girl who was fine, he went out with her a few times but on the third date she went fucking crazy. I don’t have all the details but she was sitting in his truck talking to herself and at one point threw her phone out saying she didn’t want any attachment to material possessions. He says it got worse from there. It ended up with the cops taking her away.”

TurtleMan20

11. When You Find Out You’re The ‘Other Guy’

“Matched with a girl, dated for about a month/month and 1/2. Introduced me to her ‘neighbor’ at one point that she car pools with and I figure okay, whatever.

We end up having sex a few times, she comes over my place again, I (wanting to have sex again) make a move and she slips shit and leaves.

I feel awful wonder holy fuck was I that much of an asshole? Look at her FB page because I was thinking about her we finally added each other earlier that day and see that Mr. Neighbor and her had been in a relationship for 2 years and either still were or had just broken up and are most likely living together.

Never got a chance to confront her because she hasn’t spoken to me since. I sent a few texts but she unfreinded me on FB so I got the message and deleted her number and our kik conversation.

Some people use that shit for one night stands or FWB and if that was what would have been established I’d have been fine with it. I didn’t think it was that starting out.”

Lins105

12. When You Find Out You Were Just The Designated Driver

“This was my friend… but it was a great story.

She agreed to go out with a guy. They made plans that included her being picked up by him. She gets in the car and notices that he has one of those breath start contraptions that you get with a DUI. Bummer, but not a deal breaker. They get to the restaurant and it is a terrible Mexican spot. She is a not a picky eater, so she said she would give it a whirl. The food was okay, but not great. They are talking and getting to know each other, and she notices that he orders a couple of margaritas. At the end of the meal he lets her know that he doesn’t have any money. She pays for the dinner and just wants to go home. They get to his car and he says he can’t drive because he had drinks. She is way nicer than I would have been and decided to drive his car to his house, then Uber home from there. She had to keep blowing in the device and was just really pissed about the whole thing.”

cda555

13. A Dave & Buster’s Regular

“I got tea with this guy as a first meet-up, and that went decently so I agreed to go out with him again. This time he suggested Dave and Busters. It was like a Wednesday night; the place was totally empty. This had the potential to be either really lame or really fun; it was definitely the former. He had no desire to drink (I offered to buy), revealed that he goes there by himself rather often, and by the end of it I was basically watching him play video games. First time I ever contemplated leaving while someone was in the bathroom.

After the date he kept texting me and I was pretty unresponsive, hoping he would take the hint. After a couple days I told him I wasn’t interested, and he responded by cursing me out. Good times.”

halfadash6

14. Well, He Wasn’t Wrong

“I was having a great conversation with guy on Tinder. Then he asked me what I’d like to do in the future. I said I’d like to work for a company like Monsanto (Ag Business major in college here). Then they proceeded to call me ‘Lucifer in the flesh’ and unmatched me (blocked). I shortly deleted Tinder.”

HorseRacing

15. Wait For It

“I knew the girl before the date, because she’d worked at my job before being fired. I’d always thought she was cute, and she liked Batman, so I decided I’d try her out. We match, and decide to meet at a local hot dog stand. We’re eating, and everything is going great, and then I feel something get stuck in my throat. Turns out a piece of hot dog was completely blocking my esophagus (luckily, past my lungs, so I could still breath). I excuse myself to a nearby bathroom and attempt to hack it up for about 5 minutes, and then I started coughing blood. Long story short, I end up in the hospital, had to get an endoscopy, and ended up texting her a bunch of graphically explicit things about her ass while on anesthetics.

And that’s how I met my future wife.”

Doofalicous

16. All Within Twenty Minutes

“She said she was voting for Ben Carson.

She called her father ‘Daddy’

She made me sit through an entire Joe Jonas song.

That or when I showed up to the bar and she just started talking shit about all her ex’s and then she ended up making out with one dude and went home with another… This all happened within 20 minutes.”

stavarz TC mark

10 Signs Your Parents Are The Reason Why You’re Still Single

Posted: 03 Jan 2017 04:00 PM PST

 Thought.is
Thought.is

1. They're strict.

When you have strict parents, they don't give you the freedom or the support you need when you're dating someone. They're always asking you if it's serious, if it's going somewhere and they give you a hard time about everything if they don't approve of the person you're dating.

2. They don't have a good relationship with each other.

They could be divorced, separated or just bickering all the time, but when you grow up with parents who weren't very loving to each other, you either ask for too much love which ends up pushing your partner away or you settle for unhealthy relationships because that's what you know.

3. They don't look at the bigger picture.

If you're dating someone new, they always spot the flaws or the faults in them, they look at the shallow things instead of the big things and in a way they ruin it for you because they convince you that they're not good for you right from the start.

4. They don't really understand you.

They may want the best for you but they don't really understand what that is or what makes you happy. Someone may be everything they need 'on paper' but they're not compatible with you and they don't make you happy. When your parents don't understand you, they'll never understand or approve of your choices.

5. They are pessimistic about love.

They don't believe in it, they think it doesn't exist, they think it all fades away or maybe they stopped believing in romance, they feed you negative messages about relationships and it becomes difficult for you to get these messages out of your head when you're dating someone.

6. They don't want you to date outside of a certain 'type.'

They make you fear other nationalities or cultures and they tell you that you need to stick to a certain type to be happy because that's what they know or what they were taught but this really limits your options and makes you stuck with a type that might not be the best for you.

7. They're too overprotective.

As soon as they know you're dating someone, they show up everywhere you go or call you fifty times a day or they try to spy on you to make sure you're not doing anything crazy. In other words, they make you hate the day you told them that you're talking to someone.

8. They don't make an effort with the person you're dating.

When you introduce them to the person you're dating, they don't try to get to know them or make them feel welcome, they could actually do the exact opposite or try to push them away just because they don’t think you should be dating them.

9. They bring up your past.

They tell you that you're making the same mistake again or the person you're dating is the same as your ex and it won't work out. They hold your past against you and sabotage your new relationships.

10. They think you're better off single.

They tell you that you're better off this way because relationships are risky and complicated and there is no such thing as love. They don't push you to take more risks with love or try to date different people. They think it's safer for you to stay away from relationships because there’s a possibility they could go wrong and leave you heartbroken. TC mark

He Doesn’t Deserve You, Unless He Shows You Respect In These 12 Situations

Posted: 03 Jan 2017 03:00 PM PST

 Ieva Urenceva
Ieva Urenceva

1. During dates. He shouldn’t be staring at his lap, checking his phone, while you’re out having dinner. He should be present. He should be observant. He should be paying attention to you.

2. During sex. Just because you’ve gotten undressed doesn’t mean he has permission to touch you wherever he wants. If you ask him not to kiss your stomach or to keep your shirt on, he should respect that. Your body, your rules.

3. During arguments. I don’t care what you did. He shouldn’t resort to name-calling. Bitch, slut, and whore should be off the table. Completely unacceptable. Even when he’s fuming with rage.

4. During time apart. He shouldn’t sleep with another girl, just because you’re currently in another state. Long distance love doesn’t give him permission to cheat.

5. During boys’ nights. I don’t care what you’ve seen on sitcoms. It’s not okay for guys to get together and talk shit about their girlfriends. He shouldn’t be complaining about you. He should be bragging about you.

6. During web surfing. He shouldn’t leave inappropriate comments on other girls’ Instagram photos. He shouldn’t accept nudes from strangers on Snapchat. It doesn’t matter if he’s only flirting online. He’s still flirting.

7. During your period. He shouldn’t whine about how you won’t sleep with him for a week or complain about how moody you get during that time of the month. He should respect you and your hormonal mood swings.

8. During stressful moments. He shouldn’t take his anger out on you. You’re not his punching bag. You’re his support system. He should rely on you to help him through the pain — not to be an outlet for dealing with that pain.

9. During group outings. He shouldn’t act like Prince Charming when you’re one-on-one, and then turn into a totally different person the second his friends enter the picture. He should treat you right, regardless of who’s around to see it.

10. During conversations. Nodding his head isn’t enough. He should listen to what you have to say, respond to it, and make you feel like your words are worthwhile.

11. During parties. I don’t care if you’re a little tipsy or if you’re falling over drunk. He shouldn’t force up your skirt and have sex with you, or make fun of you for how sloppy you are. He should treat you with the same respect when he’s drunk as when he’s sober.

12. During… everythingThe highs. The lows. When you get a promotion. When you lose your job. No matter what, he should show you respect. There’s no excuse for him treating you like trash, so don’t let him get away with it. TC mark

Here Are The Instagram Accounts For The Contestants On This Season Of ‘The Bachelor’

Posted: 03 Jan 2017 02:17 PM PST

Of course we can start with Nick Viall’s Insta, which is honestly amazing and full of dogs and kids and his crossfit bod:

Instagram Photo

Astrid Loch

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Her insta:

Instagram Photo

Alexis Waters

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Her insta:

Instagram Photo

Britney Farar

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Her insta:

Instagram Photo

Corinne Olympios

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Her insta:

Instagram Photo

Danielle Lombard

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Her insta:

Instagram Photo

Danielle Maltby

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Her insta:

Instagram Photo

Hailey Merkt

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Her insta:

Instagram Photo

Jaimi King

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Her insta:

Instagram Photo

Jasmine Goode

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Her insta:

Instagram Photo

Josephine Tutman

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Her insta:

Instagram Photo

Kristina Schulman

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Her insta:

Instagram Photo

Liz Sandoz

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Her insta:

Instagram Photo

Elizabeth Whitelaw

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Her insta:

Instagram Photo

Raven Gates

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Her insta:

Instagram Photo

Sarah Vendal

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Her insta:

Instagram Photo

Whitney Fransway

The Bachelor
The Bachelor

Her insta:

Instagram Photo

That’s all for now, many of the other girls do have Instagram accounts, but they’re currently private. TC mark

Here’s How Getting Off Of Hormone-Based Birth Control Changed My Life

Posted: 03 Jan 2017 02:00 PM PST

Tonglé Dakum
Tonglé Dakum

It's wild, realizing that I might have never had anxiety/depression. It's wild knowing that it all might have come down to my hormones being tampered with. It's confounding knowing that an equally reliable, fuss free, non-to-minimally-invasive-hormone free birth control option literally does not exist. But we'll get to that later. Four weeks ago I took out a birth control device I've had in me for the last seven months, and it is the first time I have been hormone free in the last five years. After years of being told by multiple psychiatrists and my parents to try antidepressants (and me down playing it like they were WAY over reacting and saying I was fine), I gave my last ditch effort. I needed to see what happened if I didn't have any extra influences.

WHO AM I IN MY PUREST FORM?

Five years of being pumped with hormones. These were from ages nineteen to twenty-four… truly formative years. In these five years I went through my last three years of college and graduated, did my post graduate studies, went through several relationships/break ups, moved/traveled/taught abroad, and finally had my first year and a half of living in LA.

Needless to say there were SO MANY LIFE CHANGES, so my fluctuating happiness and often inexplicable outbursts of emotions were never a question of me, but of my circumstances and how I was dealing with them. "Highly functioning anxiety/depression disorder". That's what they called it. It hasn't been until these last nine months when everything was *perfect*, that I realized something else was wrong (me).

In the last nine months, I have been elated with building my career in LA, found a great support job, fell in love with the most *perfect* boyfriend (yes, actually), adopted and raised the most incredible little kitten you will ever meet, created a clean and inspiring apartment for a killer rate (YAY Koreatown!), have a wonderful roommate, everyone I know and love and care about it alive and kickin', my health is excellent…

EVERYTHING IS GREAT. SO WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY?

I asked myself this question every day for nine months. Of course, nine months ago is not when these feelings started, but when I had nothing else to pin them on. This was unlike my first 6 months in LA, when things were very rocky (searching relentlessly for support jobs, many weird dating experiences, apartment hunting and moving, not enough time to focus on my career with so much life stuff, etc.).

So why when everything finally became good and steady did nothing inside of me change? I did many things to interrogate this question. I have always obsessed over my external influences (or potential influences). I've tried every kind of diet and nutritional lifestyle change there has to be tried to see if food could heal my mind, to no avail. Last year I stopped drinking for several months, but that didn't help. This summer I worked out every day, but that didn't change too much (except a burst of endorphins post work out and a smaller waist line yay!). The week before I went off of hormones I surrounded myself with people (I am the world's largest extrovert), and even THAT did not make me feel better. Then I started to think maybe there was some dark psychodrama I hadn't confronted or even weird past life stuff that wasn't yet remembered (yes, I considered literally everything).

But then I realized I had never considered influences coming from inside of me, like my own body. I had done nutritional testing in the past to see if I was deficient in anything. Positive! Needed thyroid medication and a few vitamin supplements. So I made sure to take those consistently, had more energy…. roller coaster emotions were still the same though.

Then suddenly I had many physical changes along with the emotional turbulence, and one random October night turned to good ol' trustee Google. I typed in my list and to my horror (and relief) found blog after blog after blog of women discussing how hormone-based birth control had plagued them with THE EXACT SAME LIST AS MINE. I stayed up until 3 am that night, reading about how my years of "being too sensitive" and "freaking out all the time for no reason" was utterly and completely validated in these women. We weren't "women being women". We were wonderful but clueless human beings who had to figure out the very hard way how destructive additional hormones can be in some human bodies. I finally had my answer!!! It was the adult version of drinking a warm glass of milk before bedtime.

TOUGHEN UP

This is what I had told myself for so long. Not to be so sensitive. Not to take on all the other crap of other people and situations as my own. To own my energy field, my mind, my life. To take life by the horns. But it never felt that easy. Forget about easy, it never even felt possible to pep talk myself out of the bouts that came on. You see it's very hard to talk your way out of a chemical reaction. I did several months of therapy, had endless meditation/positive mindset audio books, decorated my mirrors with affirmations, had beautiful, magical conversations with friends and loved ones. And yes, those things were always sweet.

But that's just the point. They were sweet. Lovely. Occasionally gratifying. Never moving. Never moving those feelings away. But why? Why couldn't I just remind myself about how inextricably lucky I was and how many beautiful things I had in my life and feel better? Why did I cry endlessly, often, for absolutely no reason? That's the hardest thing to describe: what hormone-induced anxiety/depression felt like.

MY DARK CLOUD, INTERROGATED.

My hormone-induced anxiety/depression was one of three feelings. Any one to three of these feelings happened at any moment. In no particular order, the first feeling was anxiety. Anxiety made many days feel like a little person was hammering away inside my chest cavity. That caused the relentless, inane panic. I would often gasp for air until I realized it had been a while since I had inhaled. Sometimes I would come home at night and feel like I was panicking as I was just brushing my teeth and trying to get ready for bed. Other times it was the smaller stuff like hating every possible text response, so just not responding and making the situation worse.

Anxiety looks calm, but behind it is a plethora of overthinking and questioning of one's self. This was especially evident in the last kind of birth control I was on, it was only Progesterone based. Progesterone is supposed to make people feel calmer if anything. But for me it only sedated my impulses, which made me feel like my confidence was waning day by day. I questioned everything I did and calculated myself often into a state of silence or inaction. The paralysis Progesterone gave me felt everything but calming. It was maddening. Worst of all, it made me question the people and things I loved most and felt closest to in my life. I was quick to see the worst and was always afraid I was being taken advantage of. Fortunately the paralysis prevented me from taking action to ending any of these relationships/endeavors. Now this all makes sense as some studies show that the risk for anxiety/depression can run up to 34% higher in a progesterone-only based birth control.

Anxiety escorted my choices of what took precedence at the moment-to-moment level. So albeit knowing my categorical priorities in life, my choices didn't reflect them when the anxiety came on. Meaning no matter what really mattered, if I felt pressed about something specific I would rail to the ends of the earth to make it happen. For example, one night a stronger bout of anxiety hit me and I suddenly decided I desperately needed to clean… despite already having plans with my wonderful boyfriend who I had not seen all week and who was already on his way up to LA. I thought I was just in "one of my cleaning whirlwinds". But because of this bout, I was so stressed and upset about wanting to finish cleaning that I was still unshowered and in my PJs, scrubbing the floors in my frizzy bun when he walked in ready for our movie and cocktail night. He insisted on helping but I shut down all offers, so he made me a drink in the meantime and patiently sat while I finished cleaning. That night we ended up staying home and going to sleep early. He was always calm and did what I asked throughout my bouts, but the point is he shouldn't have had to. He deserved someone thrilled to see him and ready to decompress and have a fun night after a long week, and I deserved that night too.

The second feeling was the depression. It could make me randomly devastated for no reason in the most inane moments. These were the days when anything could set me off and I spent all of my energy holding back tears. I would fall silent because talking lifted the upper palette in my throat and anything other than clenching down would let the tears out. The depression was random. It wasn't like I was just more apt to be upset after a hard day. It was tears, so many tears, and constantly getting sick of the tears. I would be in the middle of a meeting and suddenly feel the need to hole up and cry. Sometimes I told myself I had thirty seconds to cry while my coffee re-heated up in the microwave, after that I had to be done. I would get off the phone with someone I love and just start bawling, for no apparent reason except that maybe something we said on the call tapped into something I had not yet subconsciously recognized. I usually blamed myself. I remember this perfect Sunday afternoon I had with my boyfriend last spring (yes apparently he is the person in every antidote…patient guy). We went to the beach and rode bicycles up the sand, strolled around the farmer's market, came home and made coffee, did cooking and some work for the week, and finally ended the night with a movie and a bottle of Cabernet. Yet somehow amidst this absolutely perfect day, I was on the verge of crying all day. I felt so incredibly sad, distant, and worried. Was there something I wasn't picking up on? Everything felt like this complicated, crazy, whirlwind puzzle that there was just never enough time to figure out. The confusion made me further spiral.

The third feeling was just a melancholy backdrop hanging behind even the most beautiful moments. There isn't much to describe in this, except that I could be sharing wine with friends or at a birthday party or watching Netflix with my cat (all things I love), and just feel bummed. Not sad, not anxious, just sort of blandly disappointed. This is when I just felt like a brat. A mopey, ungrateful brat. Then the disappointment would turn into a sedated anger, and I would just feel pissed off at myself (and then by consequence, others). When it translated to how I felt towards others, I felt like everyone was in my space, bothering me, needing to back off, needing to give me space. Whether or not the melancholia morphed into anger, I eventually trickled into a state of numbness. I would look at people I absolutely love and think, "Logically I know I love them. I just don't feel any affection or adoration for them. Maybe I will by tonight."

It is important to say that ALL of this came in waves, so every day wasn't a horrible struggle. Sometimes it would just be a quick bout in the morning and then my day would balance out, or I would have a great day and then end the night with one. I sometimes had four-day stretches without any dark clouds or anxiety attacks and they were WONDERFUL. Life made sense. Kind of. I mean not completely but in a decently manageable way that felt "normal" at least. I could brush my teeth and get ready for bed without panicking. I could have someone be really horrible to me and laugh it off. I could even go the distance with my man and be sad, but not heartbroken. Those were great days. I hid many of my hard days, not because I didn't trust my loved ones, especially my significant other, but because they held me up so often (he talked me down for an hour the night before, she came down and visited me on a hard week)…that it felt like they deserved happy time with me too, so I did my damn best to make our time together happy (especially when that time was limited). I now recount the last five years and think of all of the fights, the tears, the break ups, the time my best friend came in my room to tell me I was being horrible to our friends and was hurting their feelings, the times I didn't say goodbye or forgot to call, the classes I skipped and the party invites I ignored – all because I was always caught up in this emotional whirlwind that I was mildly cognizant of and definitely did not know how to tame. I'm young and still have time and many deeply cherished memories, but I can't help but feel cheated out of so much happiness in the last five years.

SO THEN I WENT HORMONE FREE

And in only four weeks, my life has completely changed. I mean not any of the actual events- I still have the same career, job, man, cat. But my sparkly, extroverted self feels stable and happy 98% of the time. I feel like seeing people again! Well don't get me wrong- pizza and Netflix will always beat going out. BUT in general I don't feel like being a hermit. I talk to everyone I can. Every human being I see is just like this rapture of stories and love I have yet to learn about. I feel like working out again, I'm falling in love with hot yoga. Even when things are sad or annoying, it's like I have this energy barrier where nothing gets to me that much.

I'm nowhere near numb, but I'm steady. I feel a lot, but my heart is usually okay now. And when it's not I know exactly why and what I need to do. For so long I deeply feared my mind, because it felt like it jumped on me at the worst and most confusing times and plagued me with emotions I had no way of understanding. I detested whatever hidden darkness was inside of me. But now I feel like my brain is this child I found and decided to nurture and take care of. And now it feels like it loves me back. And it's funny because I can feel this difference in the people around me as well.

The day after I had my hormone implant removed I already felt so shiny (fuller and happier), and a stranger approached me on a plane. He said, "Hi. You just seem to have amazing energy and I want to get to know you. Even though this is the middle seat I'm going to sit by you." I was baffled but we talked non-stop for the next three hours about every topic there has to be talked about and when we landed he and his girlfriend gave me a ride to my hotel. The next day we three went out for mimosas and we are still in touch. That would have never happened when I was on hormones.

More profound to me though is that this kind of change doesn't seem to be an isolated incident- even my everyday conversations are different. I hear my loved ones suddenly saying I am their light, and customers at work are asking why I smile so much. And it's so funny because for so long I was just trying to not impart my feelings of being too much/on edge to others. And maybe what I'm hearing them say now was going on all along and I just didn't have the clarity to hear it… but I don't think that is the case. Whatever it be though, now more than anything I can't believe how much I'm falling back (and even deeper) in love with my people, my life, and myself.

That said, it is a process of getting off of these hormones. The first week I could feel an IMMEDIATE difference. As soon as my body wasn't being pumped with additional, synthetic hormones, I felt alleviated of all things dark and heavy. But now I am adjusting to letting my body regulate itself, and it's hard letting it do that. The weirdest part is seeing what is me and what wasn't the hormones. I found that while the anxiety used to drive me to rail to the ends of the earth to immediately start and finish any random idea I had (like I talked about above), that it is still in my personality to want to stubbornly accomplish any idea that bubbles up. The difference is that now (without the additional hormones) I have the perspective and discipline to control these ideas and implement them in a timely manner that better suits me and those it could affect. There are also days when a diluted version of the bouts I used to feel attacked by still creep up. Usually that happens around my period. There was a week when I was eating a LOT of soy, and a mild bout snuck up on me that week. I am now soy free and feeling great.

Maybe my brain chemistry is just particularly sensitive to any hormonal shift. But more likely my natural hormones have just been manipulated for five years and are now like patients in rehabilitation learning to walk again, where they are extremely sensitive to any and every physical influence. So letting my body learn to regulate itself is a process. I'm trying to help it out by going on a hormone free diet right now, which includes lots of whole grains, vegetables, legumes, and lean protein (organic, hormone/antibiotic free), with little to no sugar, alcohol, and processed foods. I have learned that dairy has lots of additional hormones from the cows being perpetually impregnated to meet the speed demands of the dairy industry, thus resulting in estrogen-laden dairy. Organic dairy is better, but I'm having fun substituting with lots of nuts too (cashew cheese is AMAZING). I have also learned that the liver is where additional hormones are processed out of the body, so going light on my liver gives it the chance to do its work in getting all of this synthetic junk out and letting my natural hormones re learn how to run their course. This process could take several months, and as my hormones learn to stabilize I am learning to be patient with my brain chemistry.

It is truly a process of self-love and nurturing, and if anything good has come from all of this it is that. Getting to wake up and practice patience with myself is something I have never cognitively prioritized. Funny enough it is making me calmer and far more patient/compassionate with others as well. I feel like I have this ribbon of grace I never got to play with until now. And likely the hormones had me so on edge that "grace" was the last virtue on my mind…blame and indignant self-defense was more like it. But now I'm learning patience with myself and grace with others. That sounds like a hokey Hallmark card that even I would laugh at, but these things truly are the silver lining in all of this.

It's terrifying writing all of this to the public. It's even scarier thinking about people I know and love reading it. I think most people I know will either be blindsided that I felt these things and they couldn't tell, or will feel like I wasn't as bad as I say, that I was still very much myself. But it's not like I was keeping this from others. I myself did not even realize this is what was going on. I certainly did not like calling my bouts "anxiety/depression". That felt so dramatic. I just thought I was a more emotional person. And what do you do when you keep randomly bursting out crying? Just call people and tell them that? I called my mom a lot. She was tremendous. Other than that I tried to resort to iron reason. And reason told me not to make my problems other people's problems.

Unfortunately emotional turbulence is a socially embarrassing thing; it feels like you're someone who just doesn't have it together yet. I guess another silver lining in all of this is learning to be vulnerable with others (despite the painfully uncomfortable process of that poetic ideal). Emotional paralysis is not a visible thing, if anything it looks like placidity. Anxiety can look a quiet matter, despite feeling anything like quiet. Depression was the hardest part and the one I excused the most, because that was the one that I thought was me just being desperate, or needy, or all kinds of overly sensitive. ALL of this said, I have not recounted the gritty emotional details of my experience for a sob story. I certainly don't want pity and I am not using this as an emotional catharsis (I have a sparkly journal for that like a former therapist once recommended).

SO WHY AM I WRITING ALL OF THIS?

Well, for two reasons. First and foremost, this is a call to women to take stock of your body on hormones. I never even considered that my birth control was dictating the last five years of my life like it did. I know I'm still young and it was only five years, but there is so much time I wish I could get back- time where I was ME and not the version of me under a chemically-induced dark cloud. I do however think it is important to recognize that several women are completely okay on hormone-based birth control. My best friend has the very implant that caused me so many problems and she is doing GREAT. Everyone's body is different. And if hormone-based birth control works for you that is amazing! And incredibly convenient. However I thought I was 100% good on it, (I even remember feeling bad for women who couldn't use it)… and it turns out I most definitely was not. It is crucial for women to take care of their minds, even if it is the untraditional, less convenient route for reproductive freedom or relieving period symptoms. You'll figure out an alternative for the meantime. But you have to take care of your mind first. So TAKE STOCK.

Secondly, this is a call for male birth control studies to be resumed. I know many people are enraged over this issue, and I myself feel restless over it as well. At the end of the day, we need to do what is best for everyone's body in the baby control department. I don't think men should have to deal with negative side effects just like women do, because I don't think ANYONE should have to deal with negative side effects. If hormones negatively affect you (male or female), you should get off of them. BUT if our medical researchers are willing to risk women feeling moody on hormones (which I think people see as mildly more sensitive or pissy- but clearly it can go as far as hormone-induced anxiety/depression), have injection site/muscle pain (women can get this on the current Depo birth control shot just like men did in the recent study), increased acne (many researchers are saying acne is in fact decreased not increased, which is simply not true for many people; it certainly increased for me), not to mention further potential, severe symptoms on the current hormone free IUD (like the uterus wall being punctured, infertility, severe pain when getting it in and every month following for three to four months as the body literally tries to push it out)…Then we as a society can certainly at least RISK men having symptoms like we do for women.

Since this article is focusing on the mental health effects of hormone-based birth control, we can do a comparison. We have years and multiple types of comprehensive research done on women vs. literally one study on men, but we will work with the numbers we have. 10-15% of women go on antidepressants from hormone-based birth control every year (this is the lowest percentage I found; some studies suggest up to 80% of those otherwise unaffected by anxiety/depression experience it on hormones. But here I am using the lowest percentage found just for benefit of the doubt). Yet on this male birth control study ONE person (not percent, person) experienced depression out of 320, so a whopping 0.003125% of men compared to 10-15% of women). It absolutely must be said that sixty-five men experienced mild moodiness, but sixty-two of the sixty-five happened at one control center, so researchers speculate this correlation was tied to an unknown factor at that specific control center. Even still they consider moodiness one of the top reasons for ending this study early. Is it okay that men felt that? Absolutely not. Just like it isn't okay for anyone to feel those things. But when we look at these numbers, it's incredulous that the studies were ended early. Of course more side effects were reported- increased libido, acne, injection site pain. But we have already covered those adverse comparisons above. I love what Elisabeth Lloyd (faculty scholar at the Kinsey Institute and professor of biology/adjunct professor of philosophy at Indiana University Bloomington) said in a CNN interview:

"You have to compare what women are doing in terms of taking hormones with what men are doing in terms of taking hormones. Are they taking their life in their hands when they take the hormones? Women are. And that needs to be put right up in front when considering the risk.”

(Here she is specifically referencing potentially fatal strokes and blood clots women risk every day on hormone-based birth control, vs. the non fatal, fertility risk of this male birth control…of which one man walked away infertile. Still horrible! But so are these numerical comparisons.)

Of course in some couples the woman could be symptom free on hormones. That would be amazing! Especially if that's a couple where the hormones affect the man. Other times the woman might certainly not be okay on hormones (like me), but the man could be totally okay on them. My boyfriend and I most certainly wish we could at least explore this option. Even other times both parties in the couple could be affected by hormones negatively. This brings me to my final point.

We need to be looking into further hormone free birth control options, that are reliable, fuss free, and non-to-minimally-invasive. The fact that the copper IUD is the most reliable option right now is ridiculous. I feel like I have to choose between prioritizing my mind/emotions by going hormone free, OR my body by staying away from the IUD. We as a society need an option with BOTH. Maybe that's male birth control. Maybe that's another reliable hormone free option. Maybe it's both. I don't know the answer. All I know is I had to write because I don't want another human being to go through the incredibly discombobulating journey that I found myself on. TC mark

17 People Share Their Super Honest New Year’s Resolutions

Posted: 03 Jan 2017 01:00 PM PST

Thought.is
Thought.is

1. “I want to cut down on drinking. I don’t like who I become when I’m drunk, way too impulsive and obnoxious. It’s not cute to be the woman in her late 20s still acting like she’s at a frat party. And it would be nice to not have monster hangovers.” — Luisa, 28


2. “I’ve been in a job that makes me super unhappy for a while now. I keep saying I’m going to look for other work, but years later, I’m still in something that feels soul sucking. Change is a thing I’ve always struggled with, so I know part of what holds me back is fear. But I’m so tired of the same monotonous routine. I’m sending my resume out in 2017.” — Alyssa, 31


3. “I’m working out, but ditching the scale. I’ve been approaching fitness wrong and I think if I stop looking at myself as a work-in-progress that has to hit a specific number, I’m going to be much more successful with getting healthy.” — Dee, 24


4. “I want to work on my relationship with my dad. We’ve been pretty estranged since I was a teenager, but lately I’ve been reminded how fragile life is. It gives me a lot of anxiety and I’m terrified of him rejecting me or the woman I’ve become, but I owe it to both of us to work on it. He’s my only dad. I don’t want to look back and regret not trying.” — Elizabeth, 29


5. “I’m letting go of my ex. I mean, I think I’ve let just his memory haunt me for so long, I’m almost sad to fully bury the idea of us. But I know I’m never going to really move forward until I allow myself to move on.” — Dylan, 25


6. “I want to see my favorite band in concert. Is that a dumb resolution?” — Melania, 20


7. “Therapy. My one and only resolution; I’m finally seeking treatment for depression. I’ve lived in denial the past year and it’s time to actually get help so I can become the best, healthiest version of myself.” — Scott, 27


8. “I can be kind of a flake and tend to cancel plans I make. I can’t promise that I’m going to turn into some social butterfly, but I’m going to push myself to be accountable and available for the people in my life.” — Nellie, 24


9. “I’m gonna sleep with the hot barista I’ve been crushing on forever. Or at the very least, ask him out.” — Zora, 24


10. “I’m going to practice saying yes to opportunities. Do things out of the norm that I wouldn’t usually do. I want 2017 to be a year of growth and adventure, and that starts by saying yes to things!” — Nora, 23


11. “Going to attend weekly open mics. I’m a musician, but I rarely play these days. I’m not really expecting to make a living off it, but it’s something I’m passionate about. I figure if I make a schedule and actually go perform, it can only help my mood and maybe link me with other creative-minded people.” — Darren, 26


12. “Blocking my shitty ex and not running back to him whenever he promises me he’s changed. Because shocker, he never does.” — Mary, 23


13. “I don’t really believe in resolutions. Life happens and you slip up, and then make yourself feel shitty for just being human.” — Jason, 33


14. “I’m getting a dog. And yes, this is the best resolution of all time.” — Calista, 27


15. “I’m going to try online dating. I actually haven’t ever been on a real date and as a 25 year old, this makes me feel so behind everyone else. I have an issue with putting myself out there, so the prospect of dating is Hellish to me. But I’m gonna take the first step to try and remedy that. Even if it’s with something as lame as downloading Tinder.” — Jess, 25


16. “I bought a one-way ticket to a city 2,000 miles away to start over.” — Elaine, 29


17. “I’m giving myself permission to fall in love again after my divorce. Even if it means I end up hurt…again. I’m giving myself a chance to find out what else exists out there.” — Derek, 28 TC mark