Thought Catalog


Desperately Horny: 44 People Confess The Most Pathetic Thing They Ever Did For Sex

Posted: 05 Jan 2017 08:00 PM PST

Thought.is
Thought.is
Found on AskReddit.

1. I broke my hymen while putting a stalk of celery in me.

"I broke my hymen while putting a stalk of celery in me."

sweetberrywhine


2. Tried to stick my dick in my own ass a few days ago.

"Tried to stick my dick in my own ass a few days ago."

SwagFire


3. I thought putting my dick into a snowball would be fun.

"I thought putting my dick into a snowball would be fun. Turns out I compacted it too tight, so it was like rubbing dick on an ice-rink floor. 0/10 would fuck Frosty the Snowman again."

FrontButtBloodFart


4. I masturbated to the dictionary definition of 'sexual intercourse.'

"When I was much younger and before I knew the existence of porn, I masturbated to the dictionary definition of 'sexual intercourse.'"

shesnotagenius


5. My entire graduating class knows I fucked deli meats.

"I heated ham in a microwave and used it in a ZipLoc bag. I also told friends that I did so to be all “cool and out there.” Now essentially my entire graduating class knows I fucked deli meats."

Hzuen


6. Masturbated with my husband's 12-gauge shotgun.

"When I was about 24 I took the barrel from my husband’s 12-gauge shotgun, wrapped some paper towel around the sight to soften it then put a condom on it. I did this many times and masturbated with the barrel. I’ve never told anyone that story."

Photmagex


7. Jerked it to photo of the birth of Venus from the encyclopedia set.

"Pre-Internet, home alone looking for anything mildly arousing, jerked it to photo of the birth of Venus from the encyclopedia set."

itchy_ankles


8. Fucked a burning-hot banana peel.

"Ate a banana. Microwaved the banana peel. Fucked the microwaved banana peel. 14-year-old me quickly learned not to stick his dick in microwaved banana peels fresh out of the microwave. That, however, didn’t stop me from trying to fuck a jar of peanut butter two days later. 14-year-old me was a dumbass."

Takeshira


9. Somewhere out there is a video of me swinging two liters of milk from my sack and singing a song.

"I was real horny and in a dry spell.

I decided to join FetLife and started chatting.

One chick who I guess was prob a guy and I started swapping photos. She wanted to see me hang a two-liter milk bottle off my balls with shoe laces and make a video of it singing, 'Here comes the milk man, full cream full cream.' She / he then tried to extort me for money otherwise she would post it on the internet.

I told her to fuck off.

Somewhere out there is a video of me swinging two liters of milk from my sack and singing a song."

malawisativa


10. I once fucked a can of Chef Boyardee raviolis.

"I once fucked a can of Chef Boyardee raviolis."

Brungus07


11. I stole a traffic cone and fucked it a few times.

"I was about 12 or 13, stole a traffic cone, and fucked it a few times. I had to cut a slit in the hole and fold it in, then put some Vaseline-soaked cloth in to line it. I was a pretty creative child."

Ohm_eye_God


12. I jerked off with a big handful of calamari.

"I jerked off with a big handful of calamari. I was really drunk and thought the rubbery tentacles would feel good. I wasn’t totally wrong."

Cthulhu_Rises


13. Put a condom on a banana and fucked myself with it.

"Put a condom on a banana and fucked myself with it. I didn’t want to get mold in my vagina."

throwthediary


14. I pooped in a condom and put it on my wiener.

"When I was 13, I was curious and I pooped in a condom and put it on my wiener. That’s when I discovered I definitely did not have a scat fetish."

pathological_liar__


15. Sharpied my dick black and pretended I was jerking off a black guy.

"So when I was about 15 or something, I was starting to explore my gayness, but didn’t really know how. I though “Well, gay people like dick, right?” and I had one, so if I jerk my dick off and pretend its someone else, I’m basically doing some gay shit. Well, I couldnt really get into it, so logically what I did was Sharpie my dick black and pretend I was jerking off a black guy. Cool story right?"

gayyyayay


16. I masturbated to the Holocaust.

"When I was a kid I was pretty hard up for pornography (pre-Internet days). I did have one book my parents had though that had pictures of naked people in them. At the time I didn’t understand what I was looking at, but years later I realized they were photos taken by the Nazis of Jews during the Holocaust. As a child I masturbated to the Holocaust."

needawp


17. Masturbated until bloody.

"Masturbated until bloody. Turns out when you shave your pubes and then use an industrial vibrator, the tiny little hairs growing back basically operate like sandpaper. Looked down, saw a bloody vibrator. It was scary but I decided to finish anyway."

AellaGirl


18. I masturbated under the table during the SAT.

"I masturbated under the table during the SAT after I gave up on a section I couldn’t handle."

wildonrio


19. I masturbated with my Grandma's cone-shaped thread dispenser for a dozen years.

"My grandmother was a seamstress and had these massive rolls of thread on cone-shaped dispensers. I stole one and used it to masturbate for 6 years or so till I was 18 and could get a vibrator. Sorry, Grandma."

charlottedhouse


20. I put a condom on a wooden towel holder and fucked it.

"I put a condom on a wooden towel holder and fucked it. Then I gave that wooden towel holder to my friend when I moved away. Long-distance relationships are hard."

permatossaway


21. Fapped to Home Shopping Network hostesses.

"Fapped to Home Shopping Network hostesses."

Me_Tie_DoughtyWalker


22. I once let a girl pee in my mouth.

"I once let a girl pee in my mouth just so she would blow me on a tennis court in the middle of the night. I was 16 and out of options at 2am."

the_spacehead


23. Jacked it in the car wash.

"Pulled up Pornhub and vigorously rubbed one out over the course of an Ultra Supreme Rain-X car wash once."

MrAsh-


24. Borrowed batteries from the college dorm's TV remote to use in my vibrator.

"In my sophomore year of college, the batteries in my vibrator ran out at a really inopportune time. I put on some pajamas, walked down the hall, and checked in our communal TV’s remote for an exchange.

This became somewhat of a tradition, culminating in the realization that I needed to buy my own batteries when I found myself doing it in somebody else’s dorm.

When I graduated to plug-in vibrators I forgot to account for wattage changes when going abroad and blew out the fuse of my apartment as a first introduction to all of my roommates."

vahavta


25. I engineered a Fleshlight out of a towel, rubber band, rubber glove and hand lotion.

"I engineered a Fleshlight out of a towel, rubber band, rubber glove and hand lotion which I then taped to the computer desk and fucked. I was home alone and 14."

fremenist


26. I once fucked a toilet paper roll.

"I once fucked a toilet paper roll. Got a paper cut on my cock. Never again. Without lube. Never again without lube."

This_Man_Has_No_Dick


27. Jerked it to Song of Solomon from the Old Testament because I heard it had the word 'breasts' in it.

"Jerked it to Song of Solomon from the Old Testament during a power outage at age 13. I chose that chapter because I heard it had the word 'breasts' in it."

SaeedShabazz


28. I once pretended I was Randy Macho Man Savage for my ex-wife.

"I once pretended I was Randy Macho Man Savage for my ex-wife. She loved it so much, she let me fuck her in the ass while she diddled her vag with a vibrator and I screamed out Macho Man quotes till she came."

Ohmahtree


29. Jerked off in my friend’s pool while he was inside making us sandwiches.

"Jerked off in my friend’s pool while he was inside making us sandwiches while we were 13. I finished as he came back outside and he dove headfirst into my floating cum. Sandwiches were good. 8/10."

Real_John_C_Reilly


30. Jerked it with a phallic-shaped perfume bottle.

"I was so horny I could barely function. I had bought a vibrator but I was still at that age where my parents would flip if they found it. I ran out of batteries and there was no way I could get any without being suspicious so I look around the room till I find something phallic- shaped—this perfume was all I could find. My mind said 'no that lid is removable' but my pussy said 'naaah don't worry it’ll be fine' and guess what…my pussy was WRONG."

standingonmytiptoes


31. I paid an old Chinese masseuse for a handjob.

"I paid an old Chinese masseuse for a handjob. I couldn’t hardly get it up but she did great. She smelled like cigarettes and had negative tits but it was an experience I’ll never forget."

hidinginchina


32. Had a quickie in the Vatican.

"I was in the Navy and took a week of leave in Italy. Had my gf flown out to Rome as a birthday present and convinced her to have a quickie in one of the dark alcoves in the Vatican just so I could one day brag about it like this. Fastest session I’ve ever had…."

Lunchmunny


33. Tried fucking a cantaloupe I'd microwaved.

"Searched for homemade sex toys online and tried the first one I came across, which was a sex toy made of a cantaloupe by carving a hole in it. I remember feeling a wave of nervous guilt while I was at the checkout line buying the fruit at the market, and I was unable to meet the eyes of the clerk in fear he knew what I was up to (of course he probably didn’t, but horny teen me had a guilty conscience).

The instructions recommended heating it up in the microwave before use, and I remember checking it and it wasn’t too warm after 30 seconds. Repeated this multiple times until it was relatively warm (hindsight is 20/20, I should have realized the center of the melon would be hotter than the parts near the surface).

Used some cooking oil as lube, shoved my dick inside, and a second later was screaming because the center of the melon was unbelievably hot. The burn caused my skin to peel later, and I couldn’t touch my dick again for days."

jochmaro


34. I jerked off in the church bathroom right after taking a dump.

"I’m so ashamed, but here goes. When I was about 15, prime teenage horny toad, I had to stay the weekend at my grandmother's house. I slept in the living room and they had an open door so it was too risky to try and squeeze one out there. So the next morning I go to church with her. Small, southern Pentecostal church. Speaking in tongues, hair teased to Jesus, the whole 9 yards. I’m halfway into the service, I have to go shit. Right as I squeeze out the last ties, I realize that I was the only one in there. So I spanked one out right then and there, right on top of my fresh dump and in a church. I haven’t had the moment of clarity and regret hit me that hard at all up til then. I was shook."

KKYBoneAEA


35. I once spent a full 10 minutes trying to suck my own dick.

"Ugh.. it’s really embarrassing to say this, but I once spent a full 10 minutes trying to suck my own dick while simultaneously trying to watch porn by making my eyes move up to my laptop. Wtf is wrong with me."

073227100


36. Ended up fucking myself with the handle of a hairbrush in the backseat of my car.

"I went to the beach at around 11pm one night alone when I was like 19. Got mad stoned and ended up fucking myself with the handle of a hairbrush in the backseat of my car. In the middle of the beach parking lot. Then just drove home. No idea what made me so horny that night lol."

fly-away07


37. I once masturbated with hand sanitizer. Bad idea.

"I once masturbated with hand sanitizer. Those of you who have been in this position know this is already a bad idea. Being the pyromaniac I was at fourteen, I also knew that when lighting hand sanitizer on fire on your hand, it burned slowly and not as hot. So I was like “what the hell” and found a lighter. Went at it until I was about to finish, and then lit my crotch ablaze. I was immediately in pain, flipping over in bed to put out my firey genitalia. I did not cum that night. And as a cherry on top, peeing the next day hurt like a motherfucker because of the hani-sani. 0/10 do not recommend."

bruceygoosey


38. I printed out a picture of some lady spread eagle and cut a hole in the vagina.

"When I was a kid, I printed out a picture of some lady spread eagle and cut a hole in the vagina. You can guess what happened next. Anyway, my dumbass folded it once or twice and threw it away in the trashcan in the bathroom. My parents thought it was weird that there would be printer paper in the restroom trash can and picked it up and unfolded it. I can’t remember exactly what my excuse was, but I think I said my friend gave it to me and I thought it was disgusting so I threw it away. I don’t think they believed me."

twaycc2


39. I jerked off to my ex’s wedding video I found online.

"I jerked off to my ex’s wedding video I found online."

fakenamereddit


40. Filled my shoe with water and fucked it.

"Once I got home from school after walking through some mud. My shoes were dirty so I took them to the shower to clean them. While in the shower I decided I wanted to jerk off. I started with just my hand but after looking around My gaze rested on my shoes. I took one of them, filled it with hot water and fucked it. It felt good but I had to clean the shoe again. 9/10 would have sex with shoe again."

MineOSaurus_Rex


41. Put a condom on a rolling pin and rode the hell out of it.

"I once took a rolling pin and put a condom over the tip and inserted it in between the couch so it was stuck in there. Then I used some lube on it and was riding the hell out of it and well it was awkward."

Transmermaid


42. Duct-taped a bagel to the top of a jelly jar and microwaved it for 20 seconds before vigorously sliding my shaft in and out of it.

"Duct-taped a bagel to the top of a jelly jar and microwaved it for 20 seconds before vigorously sliding my shaft in and out of it. The heat from the ovens zap made the crunchy bagel moist and tender. 10/10 would fuck again."

Pubage


43. I’ve fucked myself with knife handles, make up/shampoo bottles, beer bottles, veg, humped pillows and teddies…

"I lose all morals when I’m horny, I’ve fucked myself with knife handles, make up/shampoo bottles, beer bottles, veg, humped pillows and teddies, watched all kinds of weird porn that would disgust me if I wasn’t horny, it’s like I turn into a rabid animal, nothing is off limits to achieve orgasm."

BramshawHB


44. Shoved many not-intended-for-asses things in my ass.

"The amount of not-intended-for-asses things that have been in my ass is pretty long, but the most 'pathetic' is probably a broom."

Homeschool-Winner TC mark

This Is Why You Feel So Fucking Empty Inside

Posted: 05 Jan 2017 07:00 PM PST

Ieva Urenceva
Ieva Urenceva

You feel empty, because your appreciation doubles as soon as you experience loss. You don’t fully appreciate your old friends until they become strangers. You don’t fully appreciate your boyfriend until your relationship crumbles. You don’t fully appreciate your parents until they drop dead in front of you.

You feel empty, because you’re on a mission to be pretty. So you get your eyebrows threaded and you get your hair dyed. You paint your lips red and line your eyes with black. But it doesn’t help. You’re still a mess on the inside, even when you’re supermodel-pretty on the outside.

You feel empty, because you’ve been taught to value the wrong things. Texts. Emails. Likes. And when you get them, those things that you’ve been conditioned to think you want, you realize they aren’t important. That you don’t feel any better with a phone filled with notifications, because thirty likes aren’t any better than three. You still want more, because you think more will help, but it won’t. It will feed your temporary need for attention, but it won’t feed your soul.

You feel empty, because you’re human. And you have so much space inside you that it’s close to impossible to fill it all. But you can try. You have to try.

All of that emptiness is a product of your confusion. You don’t know what the hell you want out of this life, because you’ve never sat alone in an empty room, without the television or an iPod or your phone to break the silence, and asked yourself the question: What do you want?

We’re not talking about what career path you want to take. We’re not talking about what kind of person you want to spend forever with. Forget about those things. There’s more to life than your relationship and your career. So what do you, as an individual, want? What the hell do you want?

There has to be something. Something more to your life than eating, sleeping, working, repeating. Something more than the occasional outing to Applebees and annual trip to Florida. Something more than what you’ve grown used to experiencing.

Figure out what would make your hands shake, your heart soar, your soul sing, so you don’t die unfulfilled and empty.

Maybe you want to know what it feels like to dance in front of a crowd. Maybe you want to taste ice cream in Rome. Maybe you want to reconnect with your high school friends.

If you want it, if you think it will bring you even an ounce of happiness, do it. Don’t do it next year. Don’t do it tomorrow. Do it now. And if you don’t have the ability to do it now, then at least take a step toward it now. Sign up for the dance class. Research flights to Rome. Search for your old friends on Facebook.

Don’t settle for existing — for being a body with handfuls of money, but an empty heart. Actually live. Give yourself a reason to get up tomorrow, so you don’t end up stuffing yourself with drugs or alcohol or toxic boys. So you don’t end up creating an existence you’re ashamed of instead of a life you’re proud of.

Right now, you feel empty inside. Completely and utterly hallow. But you can fill yourself up with the right choices. You just can’t be afraid to make them. TC mark

You Are So Much More Than Your Anxiety

Posted: 05 Jan 2017 06:30 PM PST

pexels-photo-92323
Hoang Bin

Repeat after me: You are not your anxiety.

Say it again: You are not your anxiety.

Let that phrase run through your mind the way the thousands of other nagging ideas do, let that phrase stop those irritating creatures from chewing away at the insides of your mind and tearing holes in your stomach. Let. That. Stop.

You are not your anxiety – you are not the group of people you couldn't form words in front of because you were too busy thinking, you are not the irrational response you give to social gatherings. You are not the bills you think will drag you down, or the job you think you're awful at. You are not the future that keeps you awake at night, or the past you find yourself dwelling on unable to change. You are not the body you think you see when you look down at yourself at the gym, or the flaws you find in your smile you think everyone sees…because those are thoughts. They are not reality.

You are you – strong, smart, and courageous because you wake up in the morning and put your feet on the ground and tell yourself you can make it through the day. You are the happy laughs that others around you find deep down because you've said something funny without trying. You're the dimpled smile you find yourself able to give others even when you don't think you're capable, paired with the reassuring "You are wonderful" given to people when you can tell they genuinely need to hear it. You are the key strokes on your computer that form words you're proud of and wish to give others hope with. You are the goals and aspirations you're striving for day by day just by trying and achieving small steps at a time.

Most importantly, you are the fight you'll bring to conquer those thoughts – every single one of them, because that's who you are, the person who won the fight with their own mind. You are not your anxiety. TC mark

Sometimes You Have To Tell Someone How You Feel Before Someone Else Does

Posted: 05 Jan 2017 06:00 PM PST

 Myles Tan
Myles Tan

You can't stop yourself from catching feelings. And the scary thing about it is the expectations that follow. You'd inevitably want to explore the feelings especially if you see a potential with the person.

But there's always going to be that fear in you that's holding you back. Rejection is hard to swallow and the thought of screwing up totally stops you from making the first move. But here's the thing: you will never know the outcome unless you take the risk, a smart risk.

Before you decide to confess, remember that not every crush or infatuation should be explored. If the other party shows no interest in dating at the moment, don't be ignorant by trying to push your luck. They might just be friendly to you out of courtesy. And don't ignore the signs if they've made it very clear to you that they don't feel the same way about you. Let it go and wait for someone else to come along.

Once you've found that someone and are ready to confess, make sure that you've mentally prepared yourself to be comfortable with the outcome. Be hopeful yet realistic at the same time. If the feelings are mutual, take your time to discover the person. It will always be exciting at the start but that's only because you're still trying to impress one another. The true colors will surface soon enough. That is when you'd know that things are getting more serious. Don't panic. Take it as it is and enjoy the process.

On the other hand, rejection doesn't mean that you're not good enough for them. It could simply mean that the other party feels that there isn't any potential for the both of you.

You might not have something that could fill the gaps or compliment them. We often like to see it only from our point of view. But we forget that the other party has feelings too and we should respect that.

Truth is when you develop feelings for someone, you're threading into an exciting and yet terrifying journey. But if you want something to happen, be brave enough to make it happen. Nobody can read what is in your mind. Do it for yourself in order for your chest to feel lighter. The outcome might break your heart but it's better than going to sleep every night with the "what ifs."

So take the opportunity to express your feelings or someone else will. TC mark

The Golden Rules For Exhausted New Parents Who Want To Keep The Romance Alive

Posted: 05 Jan 2017 05:30 PM PST

Katie Martynova
Katie Martynova

Research by Dr. John Gottman shows that small actions practiced daily is the biggest predictor for keeping romance, intimacy, and connection alive during the transition to parenthood. Going the extra mile means everything with a new baby in the mix.

As life with a little one begins, parents often find themselves sleep deprived, overwhelmed with a laundry list of to-do’s and the feeling that there’s never enough time in the day to do it all.

New parents often believe that in order to meet the demanding needs of the baby, they have to sacrifice the needs of the relationship. There is a sense that “I can either be close to my spouse or my baby, but I can’t do both.” This leads to resentment and isolation.

But Bringing Baby Home research has shown that couples can be engaged parents and protect their relationship without sacrificing the bond with their child. With just a little effort, couples can maintain emotional closeness by following the “golden rule” of relationships: small things often.

Tuning in and turning towards each other, especially in moments of heightened stress, creates a sense of connection and emotional intimacy. Practicing simple gestures to preserve the relationship makes for a more manageable transition to parenthood.

If you’re a new parent or expecting a little one, consider incorporating the following strategies into your relationship so that you’re not just staying afloat, but fully thriving as your family grows.

Turn towards bids for connection

Requests for connection happen between partners all the time. Sometimes they are extremely subtle, such as a touch on the hand, or very straightforward as in, “Take a look at this for me. What do you think?” Dr. Gottman’s research in his Love Lab has shown that successful couples respond to bids more frequently than distressed couples do. If partners bids are consistently ignored or disregarded, they form a negative view of the relationship and distance themselves from their partner.

Happy couples, however, are more aware of what to look for and make the conscientious choice to turn towards, rather than turn away, from requests for affection, emotional support, and sex. Responding to bids is important because in small, everyday moments, you’re creating the building blocks that maintain the foundation of the relationship. Here are some examples of bids:

  • A bid for conversation: “I’m worried that the baby might not be getting enough nutrients.”
  • A bid for sex: “You look so sexy in that outfit.”
  • A bid for affection: “Will you hold me?”
  • A bid for attention: “Can we talk?”
  • A bid for humor: “Have you heard this joke yet?”

Express fondness and admiration

Dr. Gottman encourages couples to “catch your partner doing something right.” Research shows that if couples are in the habit of viewing their relationship from a negative perspective, they miss half of the positive things their partner does.

It’s important for couples to find ways to praise each other for their positive traits. You can do this by creating a “culture of appreciation.” You can appreciate their parenting style or how they help with the baby while still making time for the other things they do to keep things running smoothly. Remember to share them with your partner. They yearn to hear it.

  • “You were so great with the baby last night. It really made me smile.”
  • “You’re an awesome dad. You’re so calm and patient with the baby.”
  • “Thanks for making dinner tonight. I know you have your hands full.”
  • “Even with no sleep, you’re still gorgeous. How did I get so lucky?”
  • “Thanks for keeping things together when I can’t. I really count on you!”

Make partings and reunions a routine part of your day

Don’t neglect each other as you rush out the door. Spend a few minutes to develop an atmosphere of love as you part for the day, and again once you return. Here are some examples of rituals of connection:

  • Send your sweetie off with a to-go cup of coffee for the day.
  • Kiss each other goodbye for six seconds and wish them well.
  • Wake up early and take care of the baby while the other gets some much-needed rest.
  • Leave a quick note to say how much they mean to you.
  • Make the bed before you go.
  • Say goodbye with affection and words of encouragement.
  • Greet each other with a “6 second kiss.”
  • Put your phone away and genuinely listen to your partner’s day. Express empathy and understanding.
  • Help with dinner.
  • Clean up the dishes.
  • Take over the night routine like bathing, singing, dancing or reading to your little one.

Have a daily stress-reducing conversation

Conflict is inevitable in all relationships and tends to spike after a baby is born. Work stress, new financial strains, and balancing the added responsibilities of being parents can create strain on the relationship. The Bringing Baby Home research found that having a daily conversation that includes understanding, support and affection helps manage the external stressors separate from the relationship.

  • Stay mindful and present while showing genuine interest in what your partner has to say.
  • Seek understanding before giving advice. “That sounds overwhelming. I’d be at my wits end too. I can totally understand how you feel.”
  • Offer support. “I really wish your boss would lay off on you.”
  • Show affection. “Come here. I bet you could use a hug.”
  • Help aid in problem solving. “Do you want my advice? Let’s worth through this together.”

Never stop dating your partner

One of the greatest gifts you can give your baby is a strong relationship between the two of you. Date nights provide an opportunity to stay connected, increase intimacy, and balance life as a team.

  • Plan monthly date nights.
  • Keep mutual hobbies sacred.
  • Make “date-night in” a regular part of your week.
  • Watch a comedy together. Laughter and humor raise endorphins and lighten the mood.

Parenthood is tough, especially in the beginning. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, remember that the best gift you can give your baby is a strong relationship between the two of you. Don’t forget how important it is to spend time together, lift each other up, show you care, and nurture the relationship by practicing the golden rule of doing the small things often. TC mark

This Girl Asked Her BF For An Essay On Exactly Why She Should Suck His Dick — And He Came Through

Posted: 05 Jan 2017 05:15 PM PST

via Twitter
via Twitter

In a culture where most men ask for sexy with a 2:00am booty call, this story feels oddly empowering?

Hannah was talking with her boyfriend when they got on the topic of sex. Her BF really, really want a BJ that night. Like seriously.

But Hannah wasn’t convinced. She wasn’t saying no, but she needed a little prodding. So she gave her boyfriend a challenge: write a persuasive essay in MLA format on why she should suck his cock.

via Twitter
via Twitter

Maybe she thought he was just joking around — after all, the two had been dating for about a year. But regardless, before midnight, she received this epic:

via Twitter
via Twitter

The essay opens with a question (something my English teachers always told me to be wary about, but I think it works here):

To blow or not to blow? This is a parody of the well-echoed Shakespearean proverb that gauges the pros and cons and consequential successes and failures (the latter of which is indisputably improbable) of giving me a blowjob. […] I will, in strictly heterosexual dialogue, support my argument by addressing the benefits of having my skin flute played orally.

I’m dying.

The guy goes on to list some of the benefits of blowjobs, which I have briefly summarized in bullet points:

  • Increase receptivity of blowing other partner
  • Positive increase on women’s self-esteem
  • Enrichment of intimacy between man and woman

And while, in my experience, these things might not always be true, at least he sites some studies and facts to support his argument. Hell, this essay is better than most cable news these days.

Hannah has since said that she didn’t expect the essay to be written, but did find it hilarious:

FOR THOSE WONDERING: We have been dating for a year. Yes, I do plan on marrying him. No, I didn't really expect him to write the essay. LOL.

Hopefully this story ends with some mind-blowing oral sex (for both of them!) TC mark

Tell Me Your Secrets And Let Me Love You Anyway

Posted: 05 Jan 2017 05:00 PM PST

Matthias Zomer
Matthias Zomer

Tell me every terrible thing you ever did, and let me love you anyway.

Tell me about your secrets, the deepest and let me keep them as much I keep you in my life.

Tell me when was the first time you cried on your couch because you simply lost your phone, some valuable things of yours, or how you cried your heart out when you lost someone you loved for so long.

Tell me the story about how your parents invented your name and why you don't wanna be called by your full name.

Tell me stories about yourself that no one ever asked you. Stories like, what was your body's reaction when your throat first tasted an alcoholic beverage..

Tell me your bad dreams, beautiful nightmares, your lucid dreams, and the things you imagine even when you are wide awake.

Tell me about the simplest things you own: a pair of your old untidy socks that your grandmother bought when you're seven, when was the last time you wore that blue-collared polo of yours, and who bought your red Fila running shoes, and how it is valuable to you. Tell me, the parts of your body that you hated the most, and which part is the one you can call your asset. Your first kiss, and how does it feel? How does it tasted? Did you felt those butterflies like the ones I feel evey time our lips meet? How about your first hug? How long did it lasted?

Tell me the things you are afraid of. The horror stories, the dark corner of the street you hate at 12 midnight, when there's no food in the fridge, and how are you afraid and tired to fall in love again.. Tell me..

Tell me, and I'll tell you,

I would tell you how I don't like to drink coffee at mornings, and how I love to eat pancakes simply because they're too fluffy and to basic to eat specially when you're not a morning person and too lazy to cook..

How I love to stargaze and stare at the skies for hours and let the stars blink at me as I wink back my eyes on them..

I would tell you my secrets, and hidden stories that no other people know except me and the Guy up there..

You would know how I love to dance at the rain yet too afraid of those big thunder and lightning..

I'll tell you how I cried when my favorite actor died on my favorite movie and how happy I was when I realized he's still rocking the real world.

You would see,

How I can be amazed by so simple things and how I could appreciate every detail of every being I love.

Tell me..

Because I would love to hear all of those. I would willingly listen to all stories, fiction or non, facts, romantic happenings and as well as the tragic parts of your great life. I would gladly want to see your lips moves, smirks, and frown to every word you would spit. One at the time. Let me know you. Like I would let you know my all.

Tell me, how your past went so tragically beautiful, how your present is too complicated yet thrilling, and how you see your future. And I hope I'm still there. On the same page, and at the same book with you.

Tell me. For I would listen to you. Detailed. All of your letters, words, phrases, sentences, paragraphs, and even punctuations. I would save on my mind and memory, how you laugh and be frustrated by all your stories.

Tell me yours.

I wanna see how your eyes light up when you are talking. I wanna see your lips slowly forming a smile. My favorite smile.

Let's see how the stories of our lives would perfectly fit for each other.

Tell me everything, the beautiful and the terrible ones, and let me love you anyway. TC mark

The Top 12 Strengths Of Being A Sensitive Soul

Posted: 05 Jan 2017 04:30 PM PST

Thought.is
Thought.is

Being sensitive can be hard.

I know so many people who describe themselves as having a sensitive soul. Most of them have spent the majority of their lives resenting this part of themselves.

They feel weak. Fragile. Misunderstood.

They often wish they could "be stronger."

They don't realize how much strength they already have…

The Power of Sensitivity

Being sensitive is full of strengths. And not just any strengths…

The type of strengths that have the power to change the world.

The more you recognize and embrace these strengths, the more you'll view your sensitivity as one of your favorite parts of yourself.

Here are 12 strengths you likely possess that you should never underestimate…

1. Intuition

Sensitivity gives you a heightened intuition. You’re acutely alert cells are deeply in tune with the world around you.

You notice everything. You see the world in colors of emotion.

What your brain is unable to decide, your soul is able to feel.

Use that intuition. Let it guide every step of your life.

Don't allow fears or insecurities to block its wisdom.

Honor it. It is one of the greatest strengths of being a sensitive soul.

2. Presence

When others talk, you listen.

When loved ones simply need silence, you're there, quietly.

When they need words of comfort, you have them.

Your sensitivity leads you to give people your full presence.

You don't check your phone, you don't dismiss, you don't ignore.

You're there, fully, respectfully, generously and lovingly. Looking them in the eye.

Your presence is a gift. And it's priceless.

3. Depth

Your soul runs deep.

You feel levels of emotions most run from.

You don't cower away from pain, you couldn't even if you tried.

You embody it. You let it run through you.

Its sharp edges, its overwhelming torrent, carving depths of wisdom within you most can't understand.

Those depths help you see the truths of the world, the truths within people that go unnoticed by most.

You detract the meaningless and extract the profound. You find the life lessons and you live by them.

Your depth is an invaluable treasure.

4. Empathy

Emotions transfer to you. You take them as your own.

The pain of others. The unfairness of the world. It enters and flows through you.

You don't need to experience it directly, you just need to witness it to make it yours.

This can be hard. But it's also empowering.

You'll walk through fire to protect those who need it, because you know just how real their pain is.

You'll fight for what's right, because living with what's wrong hurts your soul.

You'll protect and defend with surprising fearlessness, when others who seemed so strong cower away.

And you have an understanding of fairness that most seem blind to.

Without your empathic soul, the world would suffer.

5. Compassion

Your empathetic soul breeds compassion.

You treat others as you would like to be treated, because you know so well how it feels to experience the opposite.

You protect those who are weaker than you, because your sense of justice overrides any insecurities you may have.

Animals flock to you, because their wise sixth sense knows they can trust you.

You honor nature, because you know its healing powers.

It is compassion that changes the world. A heavy burden only the strongest souls can carry.

6. Strength

Many believe it's a weakness to feel so much. They're wrong.

The more emotions you feel, the stronger you become.

Those who shove their emotions aside, create a weak foundation.

Because you feel so deeply, and process so thoroughly, you have a surprising solidity.

You can handle more than most because you are used to feeling more.

Your soft exterior is an elegant touch to a fortified interior.

Your beautiful softness layered with strength creates nothing short of a masterpiece.

7. Peacefulness

Your very comfort zone – a state of peace.

Where others inject chaos, turmoil, disrespect and general mayhem, you bring the peace.

Your enlightened soul demands it. When it's not available, you suffer, because your soul knows better.

This yearning guides you. It tells you who and what to avoid. And who and what to embrace.

It tells you what you can put up with and what is intolerable.

It leads you and sets your standards.

Listen to your cravings for peace, they are the wise yearnings of an otherwise selfless soul.

8. Commitment

You don't give your emotions away freely. You know the consequences of that.

And so you conserve them for those you can trust. Those who can stand the test of time.

And when you find those people, you treasure them.

You stand by them, you honor them, you're there for them when they need you.

You see the sacred union in your relationships, and so you may have fewer of them, but they run deeper than most.

Your love and friendship are a blessing.

9. Health

Your body feels everything. It tells you what's good for you and what's not.

While others can trash their bodies and keep on moving, your body is too wise for that. It doesn't want you to reach the point of no return.

If you listen to it, you thrive. If you ignore it, you suffer.

You can't get away with some of the indulgences others can. Too much coffee, alcohol, etc. It breaks you down.

Listen to your body, honor its sensitive wisdom, and you will thrive.

10. Work Ethic

Your sensitive soul has fears, but hard work isn't one of them.

You're an asset in any task, because you do whatever it takes to hold up your end of the bargain.

You hate to disappoint and so you constantly over deliver.

You must protect yourself and not wear yourself down but you should also take pride in your dedication.

Know the value you bring. Respect your time and all that it's worth.

11. Grace

You're kind. You're conscientious. You're respectful.

You say "please" and "thank you." And you mean it.

You're not rude. You don't degrade. You don't belittle.

You give people the respect they need to be themselves. You bring out their authenticity.

You have a humble softness that puts people at ease. That lets them breathe.

The qualities you seek in nature – the peace, the beauty, the serenity, the respect for life – you embody.

Cherish your grace, as others undoubtedly already cherish you for it.

12. Love

Sensitivity is love.

When you're hurt emotionally, it's because there's been a deviation from that love.

There's no shame in the feelings you experience because of that.

Your sensitivity is your moral compass. It breeds love and protection in the world.

Without sensitivity, what would our world look like? How harsh would it be? How empty?

Sometimes the world just gets things wrong…

Sensitivity, like vulnerability, is mislabeled by those who don't know better as a weakness. In reality, it's the opposite – it's a strength the world needs more of.

Just because you are deeply in tune with your emotions does not make you weak. It makes you fully alive.

Just because you experience feelings more intensely than others does not mean you're broken. It means you're fully awake.

Insensitivity is a curse. Sensitivity is a blessing.

Never doubt the power you have within you. Your strengths are real and they are significant.

Protect them.

It's strengths like these that can transform someone's life. It is strengths like these that can change the world.

As a sensitive soul, you possess unique powers.

All you have to do is believe in them. TC mark

The Next Chapter Of Your Life Is About You, It’s Not About Anybody Else

Posted: 05 Jan 2017 04:00 PM PST

 freestocks.org
freestocks.org

The next chapter of your life is about your own well-being. It's the beginning of a new year and hopefully a chance to start over, a chance to let go of certain parts of the past and a chance to focus on who you want to be and what kind of life you want to be living.

The next chapter of your life is about your heart. It's time to heal it, it's time to take it back from those who broke it and it's time to collect all the scattered bits and pieces that were lost somehow with the wrong ones and make yours whole again because your heart is still strong and beating and it needs to remember how to be loved.

The next chapter of your life is about your mind. Your complex and limitless mind. It's time to start thinking that you can instead of you can't, it's time to start saying that you deserve it instead of doubting yourself. It's time to stop settling for thoughts that belittle you and stops you from moving forward and it's time to replace them with thoughts that empower you and thoughts that tell you that you're capable of making your life better.

The next chapter of your life is about your soul. It's time to bring peace back to it, it's time to nourish it and if you haven't already, it's time to find it. It's time to be still and quiet with your thoughts and not fear them, it's time to sit in silence by yourself and not feel weird about it and it's time to go to places and be with people who make your soul happy, things that make you glow and things that heal the pain you feel inside when your soul is broken.

The next chapter of your life is about rewriting your story. It's time to break the same old toxic patterns whether in your work life or your love life, it's time to let go of the bad habits that have hindered you from living your life, it's time to make a comeback if you've been hiding and it's time to shine if you've been avoiding the light. It's time to write yourself as a hero not a victim.

The next chapter of your life is about you because you've been trying to be so many things and please so many people that you've forgotten who you are and where you belong.

The next chapter of your life is about finding yourself and that doesn't mean that you have to alienate people or spend all your nights alone, you can let as many people as you want in, as long as you're the one holding the pen.  TC mark

The Ultimate Single Girl Bucket List: 61 Dates You Can Take Your Beautiful Self On This Year

Posted: 05 Jan 2017 03:00 PM PST

Jakob Owens
Jakob Owens

1. Search for all the coffee shops in your city or town. At least every two weeks, make a point to visit each of them for a breakfast treat.

2. Take yourself on an ultimate spa date. Get a mani, pedi, and even indulge in the foot massage.

3. Go on a run just before sunset and make sure to find a perfect spot to take a sunset selfie.

4. Gather your friends and go on a walk through one of the trails/paths in your town to just talk and catch up.

5. Order your favorite take-out food and have it shamelessly delivered to the house for a night of binge-Netflix and grub.

6. Play drink roulette at your favorite bar—a sort of eeny-meeny-miney-moe of sorts, and whatever drink you land on is the one you buy for yourself.

7. Go to your favorite restaurant, but instead of getting the same thing you always do, make it a point to order something new each time.

8. Make your own Iron Chef competition. Create a homemade food (ex: burgers, soup, salad—you name it!) and take Instagrams of your creations, as if they were restaurant quality.

9. Host a for-no-reason-at-all party at your house, complete with drinks, snacks, and music.

10. Grab your girls and go all out for a weekend night—dress to the nines, and hit up all your favorite clubs.

11. Get a picnic blanket, snacks, and something crafty (art supplies, journal, etc.) and bring the to the nearest forest preserve or park. Set up camp and enjoy the day (sun or shade) by relaxing, being creative, and enjoying some peace and quiet.

12. Buy cheap tickets to your favorite or local sports teams' games and go with a bunch of friends or family members.

13. Spend the afternoon at the library, drinking coffee, journaling, and getting lost in a good book.

14. If it's warm where you live, have a beach day—just you, your headphones, plenty of sunscreen, and of course, snacks. Too cold for all that? Convert your living room to the beach with some tropical music and drinks, and lay, yes down, swimsuit and all. A girl can pretend, right?! (Feel too weird to do that solo? Get your girlfriends and booze! Believe me, it's silly but fun.)

15. Go to a park and swing on a swing. (When's the last time you actually did that??)

16. Rollerblade around town.

17. Take yourself to that new pub you've been dying to try.

18. Join a 5K, mud run, or themed jog solo or with friends.

19. Go all out for one of your favorite sports teams' games—dress in the team colors, make themed snacks and drinks, and have all your friends over to watch (and drink).

20. Grab a guyfriend and take him out on a friend-date to somewhere you've been wanting to explore.

21. Take yourself to the movies (and shamelessly sneak in some wine and Hershey's kisses for snacks!)

22. Go to one of the pretty, touristy places in town and take pictures.

23. Gather some friends and go out for karaoke night. (Who cares if you're the worst singer in the world?!)

24. Attend a reading at your local library.

25. Impulsively buy cheap tickets to a concert or show you've been thinking about, but haven't bought because you haven't had anyone to go with. Hang with yourself and take a don't-you-wish-you-were-here-with-me solo selfie before the night ends!

26. Go to the bar alone and see who you meet. Dare yourself to talk to at least one person of the opposite sex.

27. Travel for the weekend to see an old friend, long-distance pal, or family member.

28. Go to a free cooking, sewing, scrapbooking, etc. class just for the hell of it. (Who knows what cool, DIY thinks you could learn!?)

29. Go solo shopping and treat yourself to at least one thing you don't really need.

30. Spend the afternoon at a homeless shelter feeding and sharing stories with those in need.

31. Attend a Bible study or small group meeting with some people from your church.

32. Volunteer at a local animal clinic and help, play with, and love on some cute furry friends.

33. Go on a hike somewhere you haven't been.

34. Wakeup and watch the sunrise from the top of a hill.

35. Call in sick to work one day and spend the afternoon playing hooky and window shopping downtown.

36. Spend a weekend day in a state park (or somewhere with beautiful nature) and turn off your phone. Indulge in a full 24 hours off the grid!

37. Build a snowman or bury yourself in the sand. (Seriously, when was the last time you did either of those things??)

38. Grab some friends and go dancing like fools at the local bar.

39. Skate at a nearby rink. (It's more relaxing than you think, and if your rinks have disco balls and good music, well, you can let your inner child free!)

40. Go on a long, meditative nature walk.

41. Attend a local yoga, Zumba, or some type of workout class you haven't had the motivation to go to yet.

42. Go sledding (if it's cold) or roll down a hill (if it's warm). Because sometimes you just have to take yourself on a fun, carefree, childhood playdate.

43. Ask a street musician to play your favorite song and dance with a stranger (or a dog, dogs are cute.)

44. Do something you're absolutely terrified of completely on your own. (Ex: Touching stingrays, skydiving, going through a haunted house). If you survive, you can share the awesome story! (You totally will.)

45. Get drunk by yourself. (Why not?)

46. Make dinner to-go and find a pretty spot outside to eat.

47. Get dressed in something you'd never wear and go out. Let your crazy clothes give you a new identity for the night.

48. Build a fort in your bedroom/living room and spend the afternoon shamelessly watching your favorite TV shows.

49. Stay in and have an ultimate craft night—coloring, painting, drawing, etc.—feeling social? Invite some pals. And break open a bottle of wine (or two) if you'd like.

50. Go to the zoo. Spend the day petting animals, taking pictures, and just having fun on your own.

51. Take yourself on a workout date. (AKA get your lazy butt off the couch, get moving, and celebrate your body.) PS: Strong is the new sexy.

52. Go out in your favorite outfit; make a bet with yourself and ask at least one stranger to dance with you.

53. Buy dinner for yourself at a street vendor and find a park bench to just sit, eat, and people watch.

54. Indulge in an in-home spa day, complete with a bubble bath, scented candles, and wine.

55. Find a pretty hill, sit at the very top, and paint your toenails while watching the sunset.

56. Rent a fancy car and go on a weekend trip (with or without friends) somewhere new.

57. Spend a random night in the city and get a hotel. Order room service in a robe like a boss.

58. Take yourself out for a glass of champagne at a restaurant with a good view.

59. Rent a bike (or one of those awesome motor scooters and take a ride around town.)

60. Treat yourself to one of those paint-and-drink-wine nights (friends or solo.)

61. Go on a Ferris Wheel and take an epic selfie at the very top. TC mark