Thought Catalog


I’m Totally Fine Being In The Friend Zone (Why Won’t You Just Date Me?)

Posted: 06 Jan 2017 08:37 PM PST

The Office
The Office

The friend zone is fine. I'm really comfortable here. I'm not overthinking everything and I definitely don't resent you because I'm really into you and you don't feel the same way. This is totally fine with me (it's not, just date me).

I can move on really easily. I'm very good at not getting attached. It's really, really ok for you to be into that other girl from work—I'm sure she's great (I already looked at her Facebook). I hope it works out for you two!

Yeah, sure, I'll do platonic things with you (what if we just tried dating?). I do this quirky thing where I pretend I don't have feelings so that you don't have any emotional power over me (you do, just fall in love with me).

I'm totally stable when you call me "dude" or “buddy” (I want to set my hair on fire). I do not get excited when we get to spend time together just the two of us (have you ever noticed how oblivious our friends are when I’m blatantly dropping hints for them to leave?).

Noooo, I'm not taking this personally (I have literally never taken anything so personally). I'm not going to, like, avoid you because you don't like me back (I accidentally read through your entire Twitter). We're just friends!

We wouldn't work out anyway (we would). Like, I know I said I was ~*~into you~*~, but I'm into a lot of people at the moment (that isn't how anything works, I'm very into you—fall in love with me).

I’ll give myself a generous 12 hours to get over this (I’ll be drunk texting you next Thursday). Then everything will be back to normal and we can just pretend this never happened (are you just not into blondes?).

Please! Don’t feel bad or apologize (just date me and I’ll be fine). Sometimes this happens (I cannot believe this is happening to me). TC mark

36 Women Confess The Kinky Sexual Secrets They’ve Never Told Anyone

Posted: 06 Jan 2017 08:00 PM PST

Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz
Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz
Found on AskReddit.

1. I once orgasmed 83 times in one day.

"I’m female. In my mid-teens, I was severely depressed and became addicted to masturbation as a coping method. I once orgasmed 83 times in one day. I wish I was exaggerating. Literally spent the entire day in bed masturbating minus bathroom breaks."
EIGS96


2. I gave a guy a blowjob for $300 so I could afford to take my ex-boyfriend out on our one-year anniversary.

"I gave a guy a blowjob for $300 so I could afford to take my ex-boyfriend out on our one-year anniversary. He didn’t want to go in the end."
Something-Cheesy


3. I’m sexually attracted to older fat, balding, hairy men.

"I’m sexually attracted to older fat, balding, hairy men which has led to me sleeping with a couple of my friends' dads."
OldGuyLover


4. I put an orange highlighter up my ass and the lid came loose in my rectum.

"Once when I was 15 I was watching a jerkoff instruction video and I’m gonna be honest, I found it really kinky that she was telling me what to do and really got into it. She tells me to speed up, I speed up, she tells me to edge, I edge, she tells me to put something up my ass, I put an orange highlighter up my ass and the lid comes loose in my rectum."
Trickybuggersh


5. I can honestly say that there is no surface in my childhood home that I had not humped.

"As a child growing up I was very horny. I am a 20-year-old woman now. I learned about my sexuality at a young age and I now know that it is very common in children to masturbate without knowing they are if they are. I grew up thinking I was strange. At first I didn’t know but I soon learned and watched porn from the 3rd grade. I can honestly say that there is no surface in my childhood home that I had not humped. The stairs, the fridge, the counter, the microwave once, the figurines we had around the house you name it and I ground my vagina on it. It is odd because I do not have that high of a sex drive now. I do masturbate a lot more than I have sex but nothing too frequently."
trashawaybag


6. I had sex in the balcony of my church with the church choir director.

"I had sex in the balcony of my church with the church choir director, with the moonlight streaming through the stained glass. Hallelujahs were sung that we didn’t get caught."
muchawayIthrow


7. "I had drunk sex and week later I found a condom inside of me.

"I had drunk sex and week later I found a condom inside of me :("
QuinnTheQueen


8. You really have no idea how horny nerds can be.

"Jacked off my first boyfriend on the bus back from a math team meet in sophomore year. You really have no idea how horny nerds can be."
BlakersGirl


9. I ended up throwing up on a pillow after his dick went too far down my throat.

"My first sexual experience was with a close friend and I ended up throwing up on a pillow after his dick went too far down my throat."
Elzahex


10. I use to use my stepmother's toothbrush with a plastic bag over the head to masturbate.

"I use to use my stepmother's toothbrush with a plastic bag over the head to masturbate. Things went well until she kinda caught me. Was sure she didn’t see anything until she bought a new toothbrush. Fuck, I’m cringing so hard right now."
Dragon-Aerie


11. We’d touch each other down there and then have them lick it off our fingers.

"When I was a young girl I remember being super horny and very curious. I had an equally curious girl best friend. We would 'teach' each other how to kiss with tongue and touch each other. We’d touch each other down there and then have them lick it off our fingers. Didn’t even realize how kinky we were being until I got way older and really thought about it. It’s also crazy since we would just casually be doing this on the couch in my living room while my parents are upstairs. I think we just knew it felt good and didn’t know it wasn’t normal to be doing with each other."
hippielettuce23


12. I used my younger brother's lightsaber to masturbate.

"When I was a young teenager, I used my younger brother's lightsaber to masturbate. I haven’t told a single soul. Now reddit knows how much the Force was with me that day."
swing_out


13. I use my mother's back massager to masturbate.

"I use a back massager to masturbate with. It has two half spheres which can move side to side and they can both heat. Makes for some orgasmic hands free jerkoff sessions….

I took it from my mother's room years ago because I was curious horny teen at the time. She tried using it a few weeks after I discovered my love for it and the cord had a short and it failed to work. She threw it out and I recovered it, spliced a new cord to it and kept it for myself."
just_that_guy123


14. The first time I ever thought about women in a sexual way was seeing my sister’s tits when I accidentally walked in on her after a shower.

"The first time I ever thought about women in a sexual way was seeing my sister’s tits when I accidentally walked in on her after a shower. She didn’t notice me because she was getting dressed and I noped the fuck out of there real quick. I’m a girl btw so it wasn’t like I hadn’t seen other women’s boobs before, but for some reason that’s the moment where I was like 'Huh, girls are…hot…Boobs are fucking awesome.'"
deathbryte


15. I started wearing skirts just so I could masturbate in class.

"When I was in high school, my sex drive was out of control. I started wearing skirts just so I could masturbate in class without drawing attention."
IroncladPen


16. My first sexual experiences were with my female cousin.

"My first sexual experiences were with my female cousin….We are both female. When this happened we were around 12 or 13. We played truth or dare. First there was an innocent kiss on the lips and afterwards we decided it was a good idea if 'dare' would be French kissing each other for a minute but nothing too crazy. We touched each other's boobs and someday on a very boring afternoon we masturbated next to each other. But not more. Not even my SO knows this."
ivy1991


17. She starts grinding on me, also grabbing at my boobs and moaning.

"When I was about 10, my friend came over for a sleepover. We’re both girls of the same age. Also, she was really popular because she was very pretty and hot. She brings up porn, and I start talking about it as well. We start sharing some of the hottest things we’ve watched. She slowly started to reenact them on me, obviously trying to get sexual with me, but I didn’t realize it at the time. She then tells me to lay on my back, and she pins my arms down (I liked it, I wasn’t forced) and starts grinding on me, also grabbing at my boobs and moaning. I was overwhelmed. It turned me on but all I did was lay there like a fish not knowing what to do."
imseriousdonttouchme


18. Making out with her while pinned to the bathroom wall was hot as hell.

"When I was 13, one of my friends and I (we’re both girls) started experimenting by making out in the bathroom stalls at school. I would suck on her neck and she would lightly bite my bottom lip, press her knee up in between my legs, and grope my boobs. We were each other's first kiss. Looking back, what we were doing was probably really obvious to our other friends, as during lunch time we would slip into the stalls together and tell them to wait outside for 5 minutes while we proceeded to make out.

I ended up developing a massive crush on her (I’m bisexual) but we eventually had a falling out due to friendship issues and I haven’t spoken to her since. However, making out with her while pinned to the bathroom wall was hot as hell and probably the sexiest thing I’ve done all my life so far, and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat if I had the chance. Kissing her became an addiction, and what excited me was how rebellious, dirty, and sinful it all was, being so young, and furthermore, both being girls. When people ask me who my first kiss was, I just say that I haven’t had one yet. And they tell me 'Oh, don’t worry darling. The right one will come. You’ll find it super addicting ;)'

Hah. If only they knew."
yellowlemonadecubes


19. My first sexual experience was with my cousin when I was 14 but I tell people it was with my boyfriend at 16.

"My first sexual experience was with my cousin when I was 14 but I tell people it was with my boyfriend at 16. My cousin and I kept it up for 2 or 3 years and I cheated on multiple boyfriends with him."
hailcthulhu8


20. His wife got out of jail a day sooner than we expected.

"This older guy had convinced me he had divorced his wife, and I never questioned it when I came over to his place to fuck around because it didn’t matter if it was day or night. She was just never around and he never got texts from her. So of course we went on fooling around for like 3 months and I didn’t feel bad cause I honestly thought they were split. (And this was a purely sexual relationship, I wasn’t attached or romantically interested in him) At the end of the three months he suddenly gets weird and tells me we’re done. I was like 'okay, whatever.' THEN the texts from his wife started coming in. Turns out she was in jail the whole time and came out a day earlier than expected so he didn’t have time to clear out his phone. (He had a nude picture of me as his background.) At first she’s heated, but after I showed her screenshots and explained that I honestly thought they were divorced and had no prior reason to believe otherwise she started to calm down. We meet for coffee once I feel that she won’t pull any crazy BS and she vents to me about all her problems with him and tells me she’s sorry he dragged me along into these issues. He begs me not to talk to her because I’m telling her every little thing he lied to her about but I don’t listen cause I’m pissed off that he did some shit like this. No one takes kindly to being lied to. His wife and I keep talking, she had the kind of sense of humor I liked and eventually it turns to flirting and kissing and whatnot. Fast-forward a week or so and she shows up at my place one night, talking about a threesome with his best friend. (All behind his back) I’m against contributing to cheating, but both of us were basically like 'fuck this guy' So his best friend comes over. Fucks me and his wife. They leave. I never talk to either of them again (she was a bit disappointed about that but I didn’t want any future drama) I don’t know if he found out about it, but I still find it funny that his wife’s way of revenge was to sleep with his best friend and his 'mistress.'"
baddreamr


21. It was obviously all kinds of wrong.

"My first true sexual experience was when I was about 15 with a guy 20+ years older than me. He took me out on a few dates to some nice restaurants and treated me really well. He went down on me once, got me off, and opened my eyes to masturbation (I had literally never done it before then but I’m grateful every day that he enlightened me when he did). It was obviously all kinds of wrong and I knew it back then but didn’t care, and I harbor no ill feelings about it. Sometimes I google his name to see if anything pops up."
jinx722


22. He freaked out, screamed, and told me that I raped him.

"One time, having sex with my current boyfriend…I got a sudden urge…and touched his butthole with my finger. He freaked out, screamed, and told me that I raped him."
Ashleym527


23. I used to masturbate with the air jets while my neighbors had no clue what I was doing.

"When I was around 8, I would go to my neighbor’s swimming pool and sit on the side of the pool with my butt against the air jets and my legs propped up and against the ledge, while my head and body on the water…I used to masturbate with the air jets while my neighbors had no clue what I was doing…looking back now…maybe they did know…I would stay in that position for hours…"
Swimmingpool_Lover


24. Suddenly the door opened and my mom saw what we were doing.

"When I was in like first grade I had two female friends over and we were playing in my room with the door closed. I don’t remember how it ended up happening, but at some point our underwear came off and we were showing each other our 'private parts.' It wasn’t really sexual, it was mostly curiosity and laughing at how weird it looked. Suddenly the door opened and my mom saw what we were doing. One of my friend's moms was there to pick her up and she also saw. She was pretty mad, and my mom had the other girls mom come pick her up. I got a talking to that night about how that was inappropriate behavior.

Fast forward to puberty age (13 for me). We had a 'kids' computer' for playing games and stuff on and I would go on the internet and (using AskJeeves, yay early 00s) look up pictures of naked women. I wouldn’t really look at men because penises kinda freaked me out. My dad found out what I was doing and I tried to blame it on pop ups and spammy websites.

Pretty sure my parents thought I would turn out to be a lesbian, but I’m straight."
Zoetzos


25. Masturbated in a Port-A-Potty at work once.

"Female. 23 (about 19 at time of NSFW activity). Masturbated in a Port-A-Potty at work once. 12 hour shifts, long distance boyfriend, absolutely insane sex drive. Nothing penetrative, just rubbed one out. No porn or anything. Honestly don’t know how I managed to get off.

In my defense these were very clean units. Not like what you’d find during Mardi Gras or at a music festival that’s just left to be abused by thousands of people for several days.

The best part is years later I heard all of my colleagues chastising a fellow male coworker for being so gross and weird because he confessed to the exact same thing. This guy was the type to say/do outlandish shit. No shame, basically. It still makes me laugh to myself that they have no idea the little girl in the shop did the same fucked up shit as that guy. Me and him were always far more similar than they realized… but I knew, boy did I know."
The70sUsername


26. I ended up having my jaw locked in place for about 10-15 seconds.

"I was sucking my boyfriend’s dick once and decided I would try to go deeper. I ended up having my jaw locked in place for about 10-15 seconds."
madethisjustfor1post


27. I slept with my douchebag coworker who no one likes.

"I slept with my douchebag coworker who no one likes. If anyone found out, it would be absolutely humiliating. He knows another coworker outside of work, so there’s a good chance he will tell him eventually. Sucks because I slept with him, too."
So_Yeahh


28. I used to go into chat rooms and say I was a 17 to 19-year-old girl and give them a Google voice number to have phone sex with.

"I used to go into chat rooms and say I was a 17 to 19-year-old girl (I was 21-23, still a girl, have a very high-pitched voice that sounds young) and give them a Google voice number to have phone sex with. I'd get off, hang up, delete the number from my account and go to sleep. Repeat the next night."
whiskeydreamkathleen


29. I acted out a drunk raping scene with my female cousin.

"When I was 10, I played pretend with my female cousin who was 8. I’m a female too, btw. I asked her to act as a guy and pretend we met at a bar and I was playing drunk. She 'brought me' to my older cousin’s bed and I got her to kiss me all over my neck and light pecks on the lips. Basically acting out a drunk raping scene. We’re still in contact these days. I'm not sure if she recalls this, but I honestly hope she doesn’t."
cutoutmermaid


30. I prefer to have sex by myself.

"I prefer to have sex by myself. And when I say sex I mean stimulating my clit and climaxing in less than 15 min. I don’t like penetration because it feels weird to me and then I think about how weird it feels that I get so dry that it starts to hurt. Once I go dry (which is fast) I can’t go back. It is almost impossible to turn me on and then all my partners start thinking I’m not sexually attracted to them (which in all case is kinda true but not because I don’t like them or anything.)

I’m currently in a relationship and it’s becoming harder and harder to fake wanting sex and the orgasms and harder to not feel physically ill after sex. Honestly I can’t tell if it’s psychological or if it is something really weird going on with me that sex is not something I enjoy.

I am only 22 you guys :("
hobobong


31. When I was around 11 I had my first orgasm to a spa water vent.

"When I was around 11 I had my first orgasm to a spa water vent. I was up against the wall drinking my Coke. Note: This was a very public area."
Onthedownlowplz


32. My first sexual experiences were with another girl in elementary.

"My first sexual experiences were with another girl in elementary, idk how it began but we would do it during class on a /bathroom break/ and during recess, idk I didn’t really like her but I was also repressing my sexuality; god imagine if I had been comfortable with myself back then maybe I would be so god damn confused about my gender and identity now. Also another one was my first encounter with a guy they basically forced me to drop my pants and look at their dick and they were tiny and I fucking hate them."
Noirsabbath


33. When I was 3 my best friend at the time and I would undress and show each other our lady parts.

"When I was 3 my best friend at the time and I would undress and show each other our lady parts. I specifically recall two memories, one where we are sitting on the floor with our legs spread, holding our lips apart and looking. Another memory was us with our backs to each other, bent over holding our ass cheeks apart and looking at the other from between our legs. I tried to get in contact with her again a few months ago (it’s been almost 20 years and obviously I didn’t mention it) and she never got back to me."
abunchofschleem


34. When I was around 6 or 7 I pretended to have sex with a huge stuffed animal.

"When I was around 6 or 7 I pretended to have sex with a huge stuffed animal of Blue from Blue’s Clues. I had no idea what sex was so I just pelvic thrusted a bunch. Didn’t do much though.

When I was around 10 me and one of my friends wanted to try 'sex' and by sex, one of us stripped down, and held themselves in the push up position over the other person, and we both were weirded out. We’re both girls. I’m not straight, but I think it was just because neither of us really knew what was supposed to be hot about it, or what it actually entailed.

Not the most NSFW in the thread, but I’ve never told anyone either of them."
1111111Throwaway2


35. First attempt at anal ends in dislocated shoulder.

"My SO had to take me to the emergency room in the middle of the night last year, for a dislocated shoulder.

The reason we told the emergency room staff: he scared me and when I reacted my shoulder just kind of popped out.

The real reason:

We were trying anal for the first time. My first time, not his. I was terrified of the situation so I essentially told him to just get it over with. So, there I am laying face down on our bed, naked, and a lot of lube was applied to both of us. He barely touched the tip of his dick to my butt cheek and I wasn’t ready. At all. I flailed and thusly tore my shoulder all the way out of its socket and proceeded to cry as my poor SO had to dress me and get me into the car.

15 minutes later, after hitting ALL the speed bumps we arrive at the hospital. They made sure to ask if the injury was DV related, and as the first triage nurse left my room, she complemented my perfume that smelled like cherries and vanilla.

It wasn’t the perfume, and sitting for an X-ray with lube covering a large part of the bottom half of your body isn’t comfortable.

TLDR: First attempt at anal ends in dislocated shoulder."
thedeathlyhallower


36. We took a shower together and ended up playing with each other’s clits.

"I was a super horny child growing up in rural Illinois. I am now a fully functioning, normal 25F….

When I was 6 I had my first sexual experience with a friend. We took a shower together and ended up playing with each other’s clits and ended up fingering each other. Then several other times we messed around and ate each other out. We knew it was bad but it felt good.

A few years later I was about 10, my babysitter was in her mid 40s and had a 12-year-old son. She didn’t do shit to watch us and would often leave the house leaving us there. Sometimes we fooled around in the house and sometimes we rode our bikes down to the creek where it was secluded.

Just wanted to note that I initiated and started most of this behavior listed below.

We often played 'house' and 'doctor' and it started with him showing me his penis which escalated to me taking off my pants and bending over in front of him and letting him 'inspect' me which was him basically fingering me and licking my pussy from behind.

It escalated further until I ended up sucking his dick a few times and we had full on sex with his little brother (9) watching. Some things happened and I fooled around with them both at the same time.

We were fucked up kids. And no, I was never sexually abused prior and to my knowledge they were not either. We were just curious and horny as fuck.

This went on for a while, having sex with both of them until I got my period when I was 11 and my mom had the talk with me. I learned what I was doing could now lead to pregnancy so we stopped having full on vaginal sex. Thus began what I now call the Anal Era. We experimented together with anal, and there were times I penetrated them with my fingers or objects as well (usually a round handle of a hairbrush, which we hid under their bed.)

I continued to fool around with both of them though until we were 16, 14 and 13. We learned what condoms were so full on vaginal sex started up again for a year or so. Then they moved away.

I regret nothing, I had a hell of a great childhood and it taught me that sex and feeling good was perfectly normal. They were both always kind and nothing happened if any of us didn’t want it.

It was actually a really unique and empowering and even educational experience, honestly. They watched my body go through puberty and I watched theirs as well. My breasts grew from an A to nearly D when I was 12 to 14, and I began noticing when their pubic hair was growing in, or the differences in the length and width of their penises along the way. There was even a time or two when I was on my period that they asked me how it worked and wanted me to 'prove it' so I got naked and they experimented and played with me while I was on my period. Mostly by the creek we biked to. It was even cool to see the evolution of our sexual tastes. When we were kids it was innocent playing and experimentation and exploring, but as we got older we tried new things and it was interesting. It really was a wonderful experience as a kid and I feel like I’m a better person for it.
I’m a bit of a nympho and a kinkster now but other than that perfectly normal.
And I can hear it coming. No, this is not made up and/or fake. I just had a really awesome sexual awakening as a kid. I’ve never told anyone. I think about it often though."
800660856 TC mark

Read this: 36 Men Confess The Kinky Sexual Secrets They've Never Told Anyone

13 Thrilling Places To Have Sex Inside Of Your Own Home

Posted: 06 Jan 2017 07:00 PM PST

Twenty20, anniejanssen
Twenty20, anniejanssen

1. On the kitchen counters. You can either have your boyfriend lift you onto the counters and eat you out (I mean, you are in a kitchen). Or you could have him turn you around, bend you over the counter, and penetrate you from behind while pulling your hair.

2. Against the windows. Want to feel naughty? Then draw your curtains and press your naked body against the window. Your neighbors probably won’t see — but the idea of getting caught will fill you with adrenaline.

3. In the shower. Have him shampoo your hair, run soap across your chest, and then slide inside of you. Just be careful not to slip. Try placing your hands against the wall tiles for balance.

4. In front of the bathroom mirror. What’s sexier than his body? Your body. If you place yourself in front of a mirror, then you’ll get to see yourself from a whole new angle. You’ll even get to see areas of him that you don’t usually see.

5. On your couch. This is the perfect place to ride him, because he’ll be sitting up, which means you’ll easily be able to look him in the eyes and hold him close. You could even put on a porno for some sexy background noise.

6. On the living room floor. Yes, the wood will hurt your back. Yes, the wood will hurt his knees. And if you’re on a carpet, you’ll definitely get rug burn. But the pain will be worth it.

7. On the hood of your car. You’ve probably had sex in the backseat, but have you ever done it on the hood? It’s time to try! Just park your car in the garage, so you won’t have to worry about getting arrested for indecent exposure.

8. Against the wall. Place your hands against the wall and let your boyfriend enter you from behind. Simple.

9. In the middle of any room. Test your partner’s strength by jumping into his arms and letting him hold you while he thrusts. It’s trickier than movies make it look. But even if it doesn’t work, you’ll get a laugh out of it.

10. In the closet. It’s time for a little roleplaying! Pretend you’re at a party and are sneaking away for a quickie. Even better, pretend he’s not your boyfriend. That you two are complete strangers with a shit-ton of chemistry.

11. In your backyard. Have a swing set? What about a hammock? Or a picnic blanket that you can spread across the grass? In your own (preferably fenced) backyard, the possibilities are endless.

12. On the staircase. If you have an annoying height difference, then the staircase is the perfect place for sex. You can be as tall or short as you’d like to create the perfect angle of penetration. Of course, you have to be extra careful, so you don’t tumble down an entire flight of stairs.

13. On the roof. If you live in an apartment building or have a house with a flat roof you’re 100% sure you won’t fall off of, climb up there. Just wait until it gets dark. TC mark

29 People Describe What Sex With A Trans Person Feels Like

Posted: 06 Jan 2017 06:00 PM PST

Flickr / Dan Jacobson
Flickr / Dan Jacobson
Found on AskReddit.

1. It’s basically like being with a cis dude with a very small dick.

"My ex is a pre-bottom surgery trans man.

As the top commenter said, it’s basically like being with a cis dude with a very small dick. He has been on hormones for 8 years so his growth down there was pretty developed. We were able to have penetrative sex (I’m a woman, btw). Also he was pretty skilled in the whole sexual department, and I put that down to him being a woman before so he knew how to work female genitalia in a way that a cis man couldn’t.

Apart from the physical side, the emotional side can be pretty intense. A lot of pre-surgery trans people have issues around dysphoria during sex, and this stopped sex dead in its tracks a few times for us. He did not like being penetrated at all, which I didn’t realize at first because he was too shy to tell me. That was a bit awkward, and it made me feel like shit afterward.

Overall, even though he had female genitals, it was pretty much just like being with a cis guy physically. 10/10, would sleep with a trans dude again."
Doomkitty666


2. It is different because of different hardware, but still quite enjoyable.

"I am in a relationship with a pre-op MtF girl. It is different because of different hardware, but still quite enjoyable. She cums from anal quite a bit, and I enjoy it as well. Mechanically, it would be very much like regular anal, but the emotional component and feelings behind it all is like any other relationship."
BearonVonMu


3. She was incredibly tight and we needed a lot of lube. But it was pretty great.

"I was FWB with a woman who I actually started hooking up with pre-trans I guess? She had a penis when we met and we did everything anally for a few months. She finally got herself 'fixed' and she was the happiest I’ve ever seen someone be in my whole life, it was a pretty nice experience. She took a few months (maybe close to a year) to recover. When we went to hook up again, she just had a vagina. It looked pretty normal, pretty cute. She was incredibly tight and we needed a lot of lube. But it was pretty great.

Honestly, it felt nice to look HR in the eyes while we fucked, not being able to do that totally removed a lot of the connection for me."
_Dorkus_Prime_


4. I have never been with a woman with such vaginal strength.

"I’ve been seeing a guy (FTM) for over a year now. I am a bi guy(CIS).

He very much looks and smells like a guy. Very muscular as well.

So sex-wise for me, everything has been better. I have never been with a woman with such vaginal strength. Would be scary if it wasn’t such an awesome feeling. His natural lube does seem to be different. The same, but with a little more stickiness, then the few women I’ve had un-condomed sex with. Not that I’ve had
enough to know how they all are.

I like to think the sex has been great because we are clicking well, not because of our genders. Kissing has been the biggest deal. I just love holding him and kissing him."
guynamedbuck


5. The lack of penis didn’t bother me, but the presence of a vagina was a bit startling.

"It threw me off a bit, the lack of penis didn’t bother me, but the presence of a vagina was a bit startling. It was hard to get the sheer presence of it out of my mind for some reason. Super-hot and nice guy though. I definitely enjoyed myself, it was just a bit disarming, but not much was actually different (we mostly did anal, but I herp derped up in his snatch for a bit and it felt pretty good, but I was unaccustomed to the angles of view that vaginal sex leads to, it was novel and a bit strange)."
ezra_sinclair


6. The only issue was, she had pubic hair growing inside of her vagina.

"Yes, I am a bi guy. I hooked up with a MtF, I just liked her style. She had had a lot of surgery, including a neo vagina. I wanted to try it. I’ll call her Molly, cuz that’s what she liked to do. ;) I met her at a fetish club. She was hot, and she didn’t pass. There’s something that turns me on about non-passing MtF’s, it’s hard to explain. But the point is: I didn't expect her to pass, and she wasn’t trying to fool me. The neo-vagina didn’t pass either, but it sure did feel good. I would be down to do it again, if Molly hadn’t been so into drug culture, I would have. The only issue was, she had pubic hair growing inside of her vagina. Thick, coarse ones. I asked her about it, and it has something to do with the neo-vagina being constructed from testicle skin. There are pictures of this online. Anyway, I could feel the hair through the condom even, and I was worried about these vaginal pubic hairs causing condom breakage. And diseases, Molly was a lolly but she got around."
dumnenenene


7. It was tight, it was soft, it was warm, it was very wet (because we used lube!), and it was sex with someone I was already mentally in love with.

"I had a year+ relationship with a MtF post-op. We went from chatting at a bar, to playing (at a BDSM club), to fucking, in about a month and a half. Not entirely out of the norm I’d guess.

She said she’d started on hormones pretty late but also had a very delayed puberty so that sort of evened out, and then went to Thailand at 29. We met about 4 years after she had surgery. All that to say that she had slim hips, a slim bone structure, pretty much nothing pointed to 'born male appears female.' Her vagina looked like a vagina. There’s enough variety in the world that I didn’t inspect it vigorously to determine how it came about. She had some small breasts that weren’t implants. Basically, I didn’t know.

Sex was great. We needed lube, but the only uncommon thing about that for me in many cases is that we needed it right at the start instead of first sometime in the middle. It was tight, it was soft, it was warm, it was very wet (because we used lube!), and it was sex with someone I was already mentally in love with. Also breasts. And my hand around her throat. A good time.

She told me she was trans, in a public place, a little while later. She was worried about what sort of reaction I might have to learning that. The whole 'you tricked me into fucking a dude now I’m going to kill you' thing. But I just didn’t care. This is actually something I’ve thought about a lot since, and I wish she had told me ahead of time. I understand why she didn’t but it’s still something she kept me from having informed consent about. Since I didn’t care to begin with I haven’t stayed too worried about it.

Our relationship went really strongly for a bit over a year and we ended up breaking up over personality meshing issues. A regular old breakup. But even by the end the sex was still great."
throwaway_5kv37y


8. The surgical scar from the vulva up was a distraction, as was the unusual hip-to-waist ratio.

"The first minute was good, after that it was uncomfortable.

I’m a guy. This was at a sex club. I walked in on her (male-to-female) sitting on a bed with a younger guy who clearly couldn’t perform for whatever reason. So she was horny, I was horny, and we got it on immediately.

The room was dark, and she had kind of a strong chin, but I didn’t really think about it. She was on top, and held my arms down. I thought, 'Man, she’s strong. And not merely strong for a woman (of her size.)'

But the vagina felt great. Naturally lubricated, better than those of some natural women I’ve been inside. However, the surgical scar from the vulva up was a distraction, as was the unusual hip-to-waist ratio.

My experience is probably unusual in that I had sex with her while getting acquainted. I don’t know whether the onus was on her to tell me she used to be a dude, or on me to notice it before plunging in. Either way, it wasn’t awful. I might repeat if I knew what to expect going in."
Chiliad3


9. His fluids taste like cum and his parts all have a man’s smell and they’re all covered in hair.

"My partner and I are both trans. I’m MtF and he’s FtM.

Most of it is about as different as sex is with any other partner. Everyone has their likes and dislikes, and you kind of fumble your way around to figuring out what works, and then do some more of that. He’s obsessed with my breasts and mauls them at every opportunity, when he nuzzles my neck or kisses me his beard scratches me up. He smells like a man, I smell like a woman. My skin is soft and his is hairy.

There’s lots of kissing and groping and laughing and talking and dreaming, and then our pants come off.

His dick is about the size of a pinky finger from the second knuckle. I can give him head just like any other guy, and he love it. His fluids taste like cum and his parts all have a man’s smell and they’re all covered in hair.

I still have a functioning strapless that gets joyfully ignored. It no longer produces emissions and I have multiple orgasms. I particularly enjoy having things put in my inguinal canal. It’s called muffing, and it feels really nice. It hits all of the important nerves and has enough space to fit a thumb. If you have testicles and aren’t on HRT, your testicles might get in the way.

Remember my guy’s size? Yup. It fits. Perfectly.

So yeah, it’s pretty normal, just a little different, and the pillow talk is way more interesting."
super_cute_nihilist


10. We both went from being horny and wanting something inside of us to wanting to grind on things instead.

"My partner and I are both trans, and both Female to Male. Neither of us have bottom surgery-—but that is more due to the lack of good surgeons/surgeries in my area than a lack of desire for it.

Hormones still do a lot to the clitoris. I think the thing that surprised us both was how quickly our clits grew. My partner’s does not stay tucked up in the skin anymore, and it freely hangs down a bit. I can actually give them head-—like giving a blowjob to a very tiny penis.

Other than that, body smells are now a thing. Even after having a shower just that day, the body smells a lot different now than it did before. And everything is very hairy.

We’re both about 8 months into hormones right now, so I’m sure we still have a long way to go as far as changes go.

In comparison to a cis dude—the dick is just much smaller. Also, we both went from being horny and wanting something inside of us to wanting to grind on things instead. Humping makes so much more sense now, and it’s become so much more fun to just grind. Sometimes we prefer that to trying to even bother with penetration."
livefox


11. Having sex with a mtf transsexual was like having the best of both worlds: the looks and touch of a female but with a little surprise down below.

"I (male) have had sex with a mtf escort. I was in Australia and had always been interested so I decided why not. Besides the fact that she was an escort it was actually a pretty enjoyable experience. Besides having a deeper voice and being a little taller than most females, she did not look any different than any other cis female. As for the sex, besides having a penis, it was surprisingly similar to sex with a cis female. It was actually a great experience because I was allowed to experiment with a few fantasies while still being turned on by her appearances. I don’t consider myself gay and would probably never have sex with a male but having sex with a mtf transsexual was like having the best of both worlds: the looks and touch of a female but with a little surprise down below ;)"
whynot_buttstuff


12. She has small A-cups and smells like a girl.

"I'm currently dating a trans woman. It's great. She hasn’t had bottom surgery because from what the doctors have told her there is only a 60% chance she will be able to achieve orgasm if she does. Her testes have withdrawn back up into her body and her penis has gotten smaller. She doesn't ejaculate. So basically she has a large clit and no vagina. There are the usual issues with anal penetration but being bisexual myself I know how to navigate these issues.

She has small A-cups and smells like a girl. She acts like the woman that she is. I really enjoy spending time with her, even out of the bedroom."
bothways1


13. Her vagina was very much like any other woman’s though the labia were a bit smaller, in her case, and she had a less 'depth.'

"My (ex) girlfriend had transitioned six years before I met her, and completed her sexual reassignment surgery (SRS) two years prior. Before surgery the effects of estrogen combined with androgen (male hormone) blockers had transformed her breasts, hips, skin and hair and greatly affected her sex life, as well. Most MtF women eventually lose the function of their penis due to hormone treatments, and for many this is not a problem. Receiving penetrative anal sex became much more pleasurable after hormones for my gf, and she could orgasm that way alone. I am told this is a common side effect, though not every woman experiences hormone treatments the same way.

After SRS, my gf had an extended period of recovery where she slowly regained sexual feeling and the ability to enjoy vaginal sex. She told me it was like a training period where her body reconnected with her new vagina both physically and mentally. From my perspective having sex with her two year after the surgery, her vagina was very much like any other woman’s though the labia were a bit smaller, in her case, and she had a less 'depth.' Genetic women can accommodate babies, after all, and their vaginas are remarkably stretchy.

Her vagina did not lubricate naturally and required plenty of lube for sex, but I am told that new SRS procedures can now use the body’s own secretion-producing tissue to simulate vaginal lubricant during arousal. All in all, she was very pleased and fulfilled that her body was now fully female in form and function and that translated into hot sex. When we were dating, she was coming very close (pun intended) to achieving orgasm from vaginal sex and I was of course eager to help her on that journey. :)"
seppo2015


14. Honestly it was pretty hot.

"A friend of mine is FTM and we sort of hooked up at a party. Honestly it was pretty hot. I’m male myself but I’ve never really cared about my partner's gender or at least it doesn’t play much into whether or not I’m sexually interested in them. He preferred that I didn’t penetrate him so we just sort of grinded, made out, and rubbed each other off. I’d do it again."
Ambybutt


15. Sex seems to work best as a tender, sensual affair with lots of nipple stimulation.

"MTF here, plus I have a MTF partner. Neither of us have had surgery, though both of us experience significant dysphoria about our genitals. Money is the most significant hurdle to getting an orchiectomy or vaginoplasty.

Sex is difficult. We both are extra sensitive to each other’s needs; we have sex drives and enjoy the pleasure of the penis being stimulated while simultaneously getting sort of grossed out with our own body. Recently she was stimulating me, and I started crying, so sex stopped and she comforted me in my dysphoria. We talk a LOT about the dysphoria and any frustration we have. Sex seems to work best as a tender, sensual affair with lots of nipple stimulation. My own issues are exacerbated by a lot of guilt over sexuality that comes from growing up as a fundamental Christian."
emilyraven


16. I’m a whore, so the penis didn’t stop me from initiating sex after the first date.

"Some background info: I am a cis woman, married to a mtf woman. I had never dated a trans person prior to her. I was a 'gold star' lesbian. When we started dating, I knew she was trans because she stated so in her dating profile. We actually met in 'the real world' but I had seen her profile and remembered her from it. The night we met, after it was obvious we hit it off, she disclosed her pre-op status. As I already knew, I was able to avoid any look of surprise, no matter how momentary. This, I found out, really put her at ease. Much respect to anyone that has something like this to disclose during early dating. It must be terrifying. Anyway, I’m a whore, so the penis didn’t stop me from initiating sex after the first date. I did have to admit I had no idea how to work with a penis, but we are both very open sexually, so we were able to talk through it (and our kinks) in a fluid manner. The sex was great. Standard p in v stuff, oral (both ways), some choking. You know, normal. Though she needed a lot of stimulation to orgasm, and it didn’t always happen. I remember being extremely impressed that first time that she was so accepting of her current situation (no bottom or top surgery, and small breasts from hormones). She ended up getting her SRS (Satterwhite) about two years into our relationship, after we got engaged. The results look good, and she is fully orgasmic. She’s had issues with healing, though, which are mostly from her not doing what she is supposed to do for upkeep. It’s killed our sex life, and has led to a lot of resentment on her end. Some is mental issues I’m battling with, some is my not wanting to deal (during sex) with the occasional blood and malodorous discharge that comes from her not healing a surgical site properly. It’s just not arousing at all. She’s working right now with her OB to properly heal the neo-vagina, so I’m hopeful."
LivinLaVidaThrowaway


17. Couldn’t tell a difference.

"I did in July or so from a OKCupid date/hookup. Four times in about a 24-hour period. I actually didn’t know 'til after though but I did think it was strange when she asked for lube like right away. I’ve had girls ask for lube before but usually its ones that are older or farther into relationship.

Anyways couldn’t tell a difference. A friend of mine went to high school with her when she still had a dick. She only went part of Freshman year then was home schooled. I thought my friend was bullshitting me but scanned the year book pic and told me to search her name on Topix and people talk about her having the surgery done. She also had very small boobs. Usually the voice is a red flag in videos but hers sounded feminine. She was only 20 so must have had it done early or started hormones early.

I didn’t see her again; she was a bit of a nutcase and clingy. Sex was good though. I already had decided not to meet up with her anymore before I found out about the sex change. I probably would have still hooked up with her if she told me but feel not telling me was uncool so just reaffirmed not talking to her anymore."
throwaway12121344523


18. We have mostly vaginal sex, but it feels more like sleeping with a guy, like with a good bro.

"Background: I'm a Bi cis-gender male, my partner is a trans man (ftm). I met him over summer this year and he disclosed from the beginning that he was trans. The majority of my sexual experiences have been with female partners. I came out as bi to my family because of him.

We talked through text and phone calls before we met in person and he had told me about himself including sexuality and gender (gay trans man for reference.) The way he described himself I would have guessed his feminine features might be more apparent, and that he may have trouble with being misgendered. To my surprise upon first meeting him, besides the lack of beard, that made him look a little younger than his age, he seemed like any other gay guy. We hit it off after meeting and started dating.

As for sex, since the options for bottom surgery aren't that great, he isn't planning on it and has come to terms with that. Before we started dating, I thought I had a high sex drive, but since we started living together I just can't keep up. We've talked about it a lot and I understand his needs (for the most part) and he understands my libido isn't quite is high as his.

So, with that said, I feel like our sex is far closer to gay sex and is fundamentally different in practice than the sex with all of my previous female partners. Oral sex is easier due to his clit being closer to a small penis, sensations like sucking, nibbling, more and harder pressure tend to be much more pleasurable. Even during vaginal intercourse, it feels much more like topping a guy, hair/stubble rub against me, his low moans are in a stark contrast to the female tone. We have mostly vaginal sex, but it feels more like sleeping with a guy, like with a good bro. There are only subtleties of his previous identity. I don't plan on sharing those because I would rather be the only one who knows. Otherwise he is rather masculine, slightly timid face, normal proportions for his shorter stature, most of the time he wears briefs and binds. So, looking at him on a typical day at school/work most people easily see a male. He has a normal male odor and uses masculine deodorant and wash. He began shaving his genitals at my request, but he's hairy in the rest of the normal places for a guy.

As our relationship is young, we haven't ventured into too many unknowns, but plans for the future include pegging because, well, I can't have all the fun. That's one of the perks of a relationship with a trans person, because conversations about sexuality tend to come up early and more often. Kinks and sexual play feel more comfortable to discuss. This level of communication in my experience has been difficult to work towards in my prior relationships where sexuality wasn't brought up due to the status quo."
Burnafterreading8856


19. The clits engorge considerably, and are a ton of fun to play with, closer to a blowjob than cunnilingus.

"Bisexual man here, I’ve dated/had sex with two pre-op transmen on T, one who started hormones while we were dating.

The clits engorge considerably, and are a ton of fun to play with, closer to a blowjob than cunnilingus.

Testosterone seems to interfere with vaginal wetness, so lube is important if he’s interested in that, and seemed to make him interested in sex more frequently but for a shorter session."
PaisleyBowtie


20. Such a great and unexpected experience, a whole different kind of sexy!

"I had an awesome experience with a MtF girl, who had been on hormones for a while but still pre-op. Already had bigger boobs than me but still rather well-endowed downstairs. I am bisexual so am very much into both guys and girls anyway, but it was such a great and unexpected experience, a whole different kind of sexy!"
GetSchwifty96


21. If I’m horny she just plays with my dick and if she’s horny I just play with her breasts and her rather bubbly butt.

"I have dated a (mtf) girl for about 3 years now. She told me early so I knew ahead of time it would probably end up being different but I went for it. It actually was a lot better than I thought! With the help of lube she was particularly wet and I was able to go in and get my business done. We don’t really even have sex that often. If I’m horny she just plays with my dick and if she’s horny I just play with her breasts and her rather bubbly butt. And yes, she looks like a perfectly normal female."
ShovelBeatleRillaz


22. Super tight and small.

"Super tight and small. Her size makes deep penetration hard and feels like a vise on my dick. She got it done by one of the best, paid all cash and went with the largest size available. I have had sex with women who are smaller, but over time their body seems to accommodate. Also the limits on the vagina seem to be a hard stop in my partner.

Overall the sex is amazing, even the intercourse, intercourse is a small part of great sex.

I love her and am so glad she is part of my life."
LovesStrippers


23. The parts down below felt totally normal.

"Felt fine. The scar around his chest was interesting, where he had had his breasts reformed, but the parts down below felt totally normal."
mrtlwolf


24. It was mainly like masturbating but with two people involved.

"Trans myself and bisexual, so far had sex with: a cis guy, a trans guy who had not transitioned at all yet, and a post-transition trans guy.

Sex with a pre-everything trans guy meant I was bottoming almost all the time and he didn’t like to be touched much. Not much to say aside from that, in general I quite liked it as we had similar sexual interests and that seems to be the main factor in whether I enjoy sex with someone, aside from emotional connection.

Sex with a post-transition trans guy is quite different, as firstly I can actually touch him and even occasionally top, and secondly his body is quite different. Even if the genitals are the same at the start, hormones significantly change how they work and look.

I could not have sex with a cis woman in the same way even simply for logistic reasons, a woman’s vagina does not exactly look and work like a post-transition trans man’s genitals. Without going into details, there are things that would just be downright impossible.

Sex with a cis guy is something I was very curious about and had expectations for, but ended up being very disappointing. I would guess mainly because there wasn’t much of an emotional build-up so it was mainly like masturbating but with two people involved and more awkward, and we weren’t very compatible sexually. Curiosity towards cis dick is a poor substitute for sexual chemistry."
Heautonimoroumenos


25. It was about the same experience as being the top in your average gay sex.

"Context: I am a cisgendered bisexual mid-20s male. I have been in sexual relationships with both cis men and cis women and feel perfectly comfortable with either. I have several transgender friends and have all the respect in the world for transgender people.

I was in a short-term casual relationship with a trans man (that is female-to-male) about two years ago that lasted only a month or so. We met on a dating site with the intention of drinking beer together and possibly having sex. I don’t remember who instigated the exchange but he ended up coming to my place. He had been on hormone replacement therapy for several years and had had top surgery. He was completely 'passing,' i.e., you would not be able to tell he was transgender unless you were told, or saw him without clothes on.

Physically, the sex was pretty unremarkable. Being that I am bisexual and have had experience with both men and women I was not exposed to anything I was uncomfortable or unfamiliar with. I would say that oral sex was the same as going down on a woman (albeit quite a bit hairier than most cis women like to keep it) and otherwise it was about the same experience as being the top in your average gay sex. The strangest part about the whole thing for me was how I was maybe… overly sensitive about him being trans at first. Not wanting to ask any questions or offend, letting him take the lead, etc. He was quite comfortable with being trans, though, and after the first time we had sex, each time after that was the same as any other gay casual relationship. We would have continued seeing each other but he had plans to move across the country and we started seeing each other with the knowledge that it would be a short-lived 'fling.'

I’ll answer any questions.

tl;dr-—same as regular old gay sex once I stopped being overly sensitive about his trans status."
Throwaway6622994


26. I’ve had anal and oral with both cis and trans women and it feels identical.

"She didn’t dilate a lot so it was too tight to function in. I know it hurts girls, but it’s for your health, not just for sex.

Otherwise I’ve had anal and oral with both cis and trans women and it feels identical in that regard, and it wasn’t a problem.

My standards for women are nearly as high as my standards for myself, but what she was born with (hair color, metabolism, ethnicity, genitals, social class, etc.) don’t really factor into it. In that regard I’m extremely not picky. So I’ve had at this point almost equal share of sex with trans and cis women, and about 20% of my relationships were with trans women.

Men don’t do it for me though. Just not attracted."
CourierOfTheWastes


27. He’d had top surgery and looked just like a guy, had body hair and a dripping wet pussy.

"I hooked up with a FtM trans guy once, he wanted to wank me while I played with his clit. He’d had top surgery and looked just like a guy, had body hair and a dripping wet pussy. It was pretty cool, I’d definitely do it again."
peavey136


28. My cock wouldn’t fit inside.

"I tried sleeping with a trans lady once, my cock wouldn’t fit inside, apparently it was too soon after her op, so it compared pretty poorly."
sluthrowaway1234


29. It felt pretty okay.

"I had a Male to Female. I’m a male. It felt pretty okay, the only problem I encountered was that it was noticeably wider and felt worse than the average vagina I encountered. And another problem was that we had to use lube, otherwise it was just almost impossible."
YimproTC mark

If Your Boyfriend’s Ex Does Any Of These 17 Things, She’s Definitely Trying To Get To You

Posted: 06 Jan 2017 05:00 PM PST

Thong Vo
Thong Vo

She's not really over him. You suspected that from the beginning, but you told yourself you were just being paranoid, and you don't want your boyfriend to think you're the clingy jealous type right? (Even if maybe you are). Here's how you tell if she's actually a psycho playing mind games with you.

1. She returns some random belonging of his that she still has for some reason to you instead of him.

2. She tells everyone she knows that she and he are just on a break.

3. She "accidentally" texts or emails you with some back handed compliment about you that was "supposed" to be sent to him. Woops my bad…

4. When a problem erupts in his life she offers to "help" and "make him feel better".

5. She texts him with lots of less than 3s and smiley faces.

6. She texts YOU with a lot of less than 3s and smiley faces as a thin veil for her hatred of you.

7. A friend of hers asks you why you like him. Middle School style.

8. She offers to watch your pets while you two are away, like she won't snoop around.

9. She wishes you or him the best of luck in your relationship. Yeah right.

10. She gets his attention by claiming she'll become suicidal if he doesn't come back to her, but around you she looks well put together.

11. She still knows his work schedule and "runs into him" from time to time on her way to something else.

12. She's got your schedule down too, and you just love seeing her in the hallways.

13. She applies to work at both your job and his job even if she has no interest or experience in the field.

14. Her Facebook profile picture is still a picture of her and him hugging or kissing. (Whether they ended it a month ago or five years ago.)

15. Even though you blocked her that same picture keeps coming up on your news feed by way of her friends. (You're about ready to just ditch Facebook altogether.)

16. She mails him their old love letters to YOUR address. Honestly how obvious can she be?

17. She puts a picture of herself in his car, on the PASSENGER side mirror. (He didn't even know it was there because he always drives his own car). That's fun when you go to check your eyeliner and you see that. (Better yet it's that same old Facebook picture of them together.)

You're really pissed off now, and that's exactly what she wants. Maybe your boyfriend is the nice guy who wants to stay friends with his exes simply because he doesn't want to be mean. Or maybe he's scared of rejecting people. Men don't usually understand right away that women play a different game called manipulation. Show him the evidence and explain it to him as best as you can. Let him know that while men are direct with each other, women are not. Hopefully he'll be convinced that their "friendship" is not worth losing you, but don't give him an ultimatum, and explain it to him when you're calm! Remember that creating a rift between you and him is what she was hoping for all along with these "subtle" methods, so tread lightly. Best of luck to you two! (Seriously I mean that…I haven't dated your boyfriend.) TC mark

Here’s What Men Are Really Afraid Of In Regards To Relationships (And It’s Not Commitment)

Posted: 06 Jan 2017 04:00 PM PST

Shaun Menary / Lightstock
Shaun Menary / Lightstock

Men are not actually afraid of commitment, they are afraid of something else.

Men require intimacy and emotional connection, much more than women. They are conditioned to suppress their feelings, and their girlfriends are often the only way they can get in touch with those parts of themselves. While men may fall in love rarely, they fall harder and faster than women. Sure, men can be little hoes and fuckboys too, but once a man's heart is broken, it takes much longer to heal than that of a woman.

If a man tells you he is afraid of commitment, or if he broke up with you without any closure, it's easy to label him as a commitment phobe or an asshole. The truth may be that he is actually not that into you, and while this is a hard pill to swallow, you should accept it. I know you want to be the one special girl who saves his effed up heart and changes him for good, but assume that you are the rule and not the exception. People only change by themselves when they are ready and convinced of it by their own experiences.

Women assume that their boyfriends or almost-boyfriends are the men that they will eventually marry. Sometimes men do fall in love, but usually they just get laid for awhile. Men will have sex with anyone as long as they can, and so they will sleep with women below their league. Don't be delusional and fool yourself into thinking that he had commitment problems. He just didn't like you enough to commit to you.

In the second instance, if you felt a strong mutual connection but it still didn't work out, chances are that you both could have been something great, but he was too immature to handle it. Maybe he was cheated on by his ex, and was afraid of falling in love again (You should let him go, you are not a rebound). Maybe he thought being a little shithead would make you want him more. (If that did make you chase him then you're immature as well, and you'll both probably deserve the confusion of heartache) Maybe he's so used to being an asshole, he doesn't realize that the problem is not external, but within.

You see, men like that, they think that the problem is you, or their freedom, or their job or anything else, but it's not. The problem is with him and him and him.

Men are only afraid of their freedom, if you make them the center of the entire universe, and the sole reason for your happiness. If you have healthy boundaries, your own interests, and good self-esteem, then it is not his freedom that he is afraid of losing. After all, adventures are much more fun when shared with someone special.

Such men are deathly afraid of stopping the chase. They fear finding out that the person they're with may not be perfect, because it reveals the imperfections in themselves as well. True intimacy is hard work and they're afraid of the skeletons they might discover in their own closet. Such men may believe they want a real relationship, but only put in five percent of the effort rather than the full 50 or even more, and foolishly expect something fulfilling and satisfying.

They're waiting for the one who is good enough for them, but no one will ever be. The magical void they're hoping to fill will be empty no matter which girl they're with. This is because the only person who can fill this vacuum is himself. A man who does not respect women cannot respect a real relationship. He thinks he's a good guy by telling you he's not looking for anything serious. He's better than the scum that lead you on, but he's still not a nice guy. He's an immature idiot who doesn't have a clue what he's doing, and you're better off without him.

You should want and need a man, not a boy. A man who is responsible with his masculinity, respects a good woman. So make yourself into someone you are immensely proud of, and your real deserving man will find you, I promise. TC mark

9 People With Generalized Anxiety Disorder Explain How Having It Affects Their Relationships

Posted: 06 Jan 2017 03:00 PM PST

Naomi August
Naomi August

1. “I keep people at a distance. I don’t always knowingly do it, it’s just a habit now. If I keep someone at a distance, they won’t get to know me. And I won’t have to explain why I am the way I am sometimes.” — Keith, 27


2. “I have social anxiety, so I turn down a lot of invitations to go out with my friends. I love my friends and they’re super understanding, but I know this is something that bothers them. They wouldn’t say it, but I can tell. I think they feel like I just don’t want to spend time with them. And that’s not it at all.” — Lisbeth, 28


3. “I’ve been with my partner for three years and even though I’m 100% in love with her, it’s frustrating that she doesn’t really get my anxiety. It’s not something I can turn off by just relaxing, and she doesn’t really understand that. It can feel isolating.” — Zooey, 25


4. “It takes me a long time to trust someone enough to let them into my inner circle. I worry that my constant worrying will push people away. Yeah, I worry about my worrying.” — Alec, 22


5. “Even when things are going well with the person I’m dating, I fall into a spiral of freaking out that it’s going to end any minute. Not a great feeling to have when you’re romantically involved.” — Anonymous


6. “I don’t seek out new friendships or relationships because I’m often plagued with feelings of inadequacies. It’s hard for me to initiate things, like asking someone to hang out or do something.” — Sasha, 24


7. “One of the ways my anxiety manifests itself is being very overwhelmed when I’m around new people or unfamiliar situations. As you can guess, this doesn’t really make me the life of the party.” — Bea, 20


8. “First dates are total nightmares for me. I dread them, even if it’s someone I like. It feels like the world is ending and I’m actually nauseated beforehand.” — Kandi, 31


9. “It’s different for everyone and yes, it can be hard. But my anxiety has actually taught me to how better connect to people by teaching me empathy. You never know what someone is going through just by looking at them.” — Marissa, 28 TC mark

The 7 Biggest Mistakes Women Make In Dating

Posted: 06 Jan 2017 02:00 PM PST

Thought.is
Thought.is

As a dating and relationships coach, I deal every day with mistakes that get made in these areas.

Some dating mistakes aren’t a big deal. There’s a lot of things you can do “wrong” that won't end up costing you in the grand scheme.

Then there’s mistakes that aren’t so harmless.

Over my time coaching dating, these are the 7 biggest mistakes I see women make that lead to the most pain, worst choices in partners, and least overall fulfillment.

Thinking you'll find love without meeting lots of men

If you want a great job, you spend thousands of hours at school and college, working to earn it.

If you want to master a sport, you spend thousands of hours practicing.

And if you want a great relationship with a quality guy, you…

Sit around hoping?

There's a fantasy across society that 'love and relationships' is the one area of life where you can achieve amazing results, without putting in any effort – and it just isn't true.

Yes, we've all met someone who found her match and a happy marriage by pure chance.

But these stories are the exception, not the rule.

If you want to leave the most important aspect of your life to chance, you can do what most women do. Make little effort to meet men and hope you'll be one of the lucky ones.

The problem? You risk becoming a statistic. One of many who realises too late that's a failing strategy.

Mr. Right won't be the first or the 5th guy you run into. Odds are Mr. Right will be number #52, a friend of the guy you met at the yacht club, who you only knew because you met his brother at dancing, because another guy you met invited you. You get what I mean.

Don't buy into the Disney fantasy that 'the one' will stumble into your living room and sweep you off your feet with no effort from you. Your chances of meeting Mr. Right increase directly proportional to the number of men you're meeting.

Thinking he's exclusive when he's hasn't said so

There's probably no mistake that will hurt you as quickly as assuming exclusivity.

Hormones run wild in the first weeks and months with a new love, and they can lead all of us feeling as though things are further ahead than what they are.

Men take time to sell themselves on the idea of a relationship. Exclusivity is something they merge into, rather than swerve at. Just like you, men want to make sure they commit to the right person, and they take time to do it.

And that's great. It means you can do the same. Take your time and think about whether he's boyfriend material for you, while you date other men to make sure. Men are serial multi-daters, and it's a grave mistake to assume anything otherwise, until he's said so.

Thinking "Modern Dating" is to blame for the fact you're single

There's no faster way to disempower yourself and play victim than by blaming your results on your circumstances. This applies to every area of life, and dating is no exception.

Even if it was true, saying so just inhibits you from doing anything about it.

Dating has changed. There's more accessibility. There's too much texting. Jumping ship from a relationship is now easier than fixing the boat. The dynamics have changed, too. Women are owning their sexualities. Cheating is easier than ever. Standards are no longer instilled by circumstances the way they were in our grandparents' generation.

Despite all this, there's people everywhere 'beating' modern dating and finding wonderful relationships regardless of these circumstances.

You have a choice. You can either blame the circumstances, the way an overweight man blames his weight on his sedentary job, or, you can adapt and do some exercise. Rather than becoming a victim, you can find and train your dating muscles in an ever changing world.

Instead of blaming 'modern dating' for your singlendom, look at the chinks modern dating has highlighted in your armor, and focus on working on those.

Thinking you'll know he's 'the one' in the first few months

Assuming exclusivity might get you hurt, but this one can ruin your life.

"Love at first sight."

"Trust the feeling."

"You'll just know."

Women around the world, every second of every day, are winding up with men who aren't right for them, because they put too much faith in 'that feeling'. Where love at first sight proved to be all fireworks and no fire. All craving and no compatibility.

That 'feeling' is an evolved cocktail of dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin. Together, they literally turn dull down your amygdala and anterior cingulate cortex, so you won't be able to perceive a man's flaws. Why? This circuit evolved, so new lovers would conceive a child and pass on their genes, staying together for at least as long as the mother was most vulnerable. Picking a compatible partner was not on evolution's priority list.

The hardest part of this is that it's romanticized by rare examples of women who broke the rule – who had 'the feeling' – and were proven right. Years later, they're happily married and telling you, "When it's him, you'll just know."

Unfortunately, this well-meaning advice takes away the practical sense of getting to know a man and finding out if you and he are compatible. It takes healthy reservation out of the equation. For each success story, 10 other women had 'the feeling' and got badly burned – but stay silent about their lesson.

Let 'the feeling' be a sign to find him attractive. To explore your connection. To investigate further, and nothing more. The right guy will prove himself over months and years. If it's him, there's no rush.

Trusting 'the feeling' is the equivalent to sitting down at a poker table and pushing all your chips in blind. Occasionally, you'll flip up Aces, but mostly, you'll lose your stack.

Thinking men initiate interactions

"Guy's never approach me."

"I wouldn't want to date a guy who doesn't have the confidence to come over and talk to me."

If you hear yourself saying things like this – you've fallen for dating mistake #5. You think men initiate interactions. Like a football player sitting on the bench, you feel as though you have no control as to whether you get involved in the game.

You're not entirely wrong. Men who know you already will initiate. A drunk guy might. A pickup artist probably will.

But if you think it's men who initiate interactions and the fact you don't get approached is therefore on them, you're underestimating how much men fear rejection.

Ever wonder why men hit on you more in pubs than say – at the supermarket?

It's not because men don't notice you at the shops. They very much do.

It's because, without alcohol, most men would scale a cliff to fight a lion at the top before they tackled their fear of rejection at the shops on you.

Women (you) initiate interactions by giving men green lights. He has to feel like his chances of success are high, or he will not take the risk. You give him the signals, then when he walks over, he gets to feel like it was all him.

Masterful.

Thinking you'll never have to chase a man

Not being desperate in dating is good. Valuing yourself is great. Knowing how much you'll provide to a man's life is fantastic.

But making the next leap to "My value as a woman means I'll never have to chase a man" is taking a big step too far.

Why is his value less than yours?

If he's a quality man, isn't he also worthy of being chased by a good woman?

You won't become his puppy dog by chasing, and he won't lose respect for you. These things only happen when a woman chases a man without reciprocation.

Good dating and great relationships happen when both partners are chaser and chasee. A subtle ebb and flow of energy back and forth as each partner remembers the worth of the other.

Just like you, a quality, self-respecting man will not hit his head against a wall for long. If you put up walls where you adamantly refuse to chase, he will have the self-respect to stop chasing you, too.

You will either attract men, who are in it for the chase alone (and will leave thereafter), or men whose self-respect is so low that they're willing to chase someone who won't chase them back.

A quality woman will chase a man, but she expects reciprocation. Same as a quality man.

Thinking 'being challenging' has anything to do with sex

Ever held off from having sex, then had it, only to have the guy leave, anyway?

The reason this happens isn't because you slept with him too soon. It's because he no longer felt challenged by you, once you slept with him.

It's a great thing to challenge a man. It's fundamental for attraction – in both directions. But if that challenge ends the moment you sleep with him, you've bought into myth of mistake #7.

That 'being challenging' is about when you have sex.

A quality woman is not won over just because she bedded a man.

The real challenge for a man is about what it takes to win you over. How quickly are you sold on the idea of him as your man?

In other words…

How high are your standards?

How much work has he had to put in before you give up your most valuable possessions… Your single life… and your heart?

This is why a quality woman is challenging – irrelevant of when she sleeps with him.

Have sex with him on your terms – whenever you feel is comfortable for you. But instead of worrying about whether you've challenged him enough by the time lapsed, worry about answering the more pertinent, important question.

What has he done – specifically for you – to qualify himself as a potential boyfriend?

Avoid these 7 traps women fall into, and you’ll be on your way to securing the quality relationship most women can’t. TC mark

7 Undeniable Signs That You’re Absolutely A True Taurus

Posted: 06 Jan 2017 01:00 PM PST

iamchildfire
iamchildfire

It’s hard to say how much I believe in astrology. I’ve always thought, “That’s some out there bullsh*t,” while reading my horoscope, yet here I am, still reading them. If there’s an unread horoscope about how my week is gonna go and what’s gonna happen in my love life, you better believe I’m reading it!

So I decided to do some research, which I haven’t done since college. I f*cking hate research, but I am totally into this astrology thing lately so I’m all about it. I want to see what all of the different Taurus traits are and compare them to mine. Could I actually call myself a “true Taurus?" Can you? Let’s find out.

1. The Stubborn Bull

We Taurus are known to be very stubborn people. I don’t know about you but I kind of like to get my way and be right, is that stubborn of me? Don’t even try to get the last word in, because I will fight you for it. I really don’t give up either. Have you ever seen a bull give up chasing that damn, red flag? Yeah, me either. Stubborn? That’s a check!

2. Sensual and Tactile

I’m a hugger. Ask me if I want to cuddle or hold hands? Always. A Taurus is all about the touch. Whether it be a friendly touch or a full out sexual kind of touch, a Taurus wants that. I want that. Five stars to sensual touch!

3. Devoted

We are also said to be devoted people who don’t give up easily. Uhm, anyone else? If I’m in something, it’s not likely that I’ll quit. I stick it out until the end. My last relationship was on and off for years, not one of those break-ups was me. Through every hard time, I was dedicated AF and didn’t give up. I only gave up when I was forced to; reasonable, I think. Chalk up being devoted for me too.

4. Patience

I was never patient, so I thought. When it comes to food, nope. You want me to wait an hour for food? I can’t! I had a friend point out to me that I’m actually a pretty patient person. For me to stick out that relationship I was talking about and wait for this person time and time again, I had to be patient to some extent. That’s an iffy one. Give it half a star.

5. Dislike of Sudden Changes

This is one I haven’t heard of before, but while researching I found that Taurus hate sudden changes. For me, that’s so true. If someone changes plans on me last second, I get anxiety and freak out. If we are leaving at 4:15 and now it’s 4:00, my bull rears her ugly head and you don’t wanna see her come out. 100% me for this trait.

6. Do Anything for Loved Ones

A Taurus is very reliable, so when it comes to friends and family, we don’t take sh*t. If you mess with our loved ones, you better be ready to handle our wrath. I personally would do anything for the people I love. This one gets all the checks.

7. Possessive

A Taurus also carries a possessive trait. Am I possessive? Good question. I feel as if that is such a strong word with negative meaning. I wouldn’t say that I’m demanding of someone’s attention. I love getting attention, some people don’t. I can’t say I’m possessive, though. Result: nahhhh.

So with that being said, my fellow Taurus, how did you score? Are you feeling a little creeped out at how alike you are to the traits of our sign? Read your horoscope for the day, is it accurate? Who is stalking us?!

After my research and talking it through, I don’t think I can deny it. I am a true Taurus. With being stubborn, patient, and devoted, I can’t hide the bull inside anymore. F*ck with someone I love and I’ll let her out, ready to rage. A stubborn bull I am and I’ll always fight for my way!

While we may never know if we are truly the way we are because we were born during a certain time, we will continue to wonder if the stars are watching out for us. Maybe we’re just making it up in our heads and it’s a whole psychological thing. Either way, enjoy your month this Spring, Taurus and let the bull out! TC mark

11 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because Of Your High Functioning Anxiety

Posted: 06 Jan 2017 12:01 PM PST

David Marcu
David Marcu

1. Just because we look calm, does not mean that we are.

High functioning anxiety is like a huge monster inside of your head, that for the life of you, you can’t seem to make it go away. You do everything in your power to make it stop, but you can’t help but feel the aches in your shoulders, and feel your heart beat speed up like a wildfire. You look put together. You look like you have your life together. But inside? You feel like you are dying.

2. Sometimes we have to immediately leave social settings without warning. Please don’t take this as an insult.

We feel fine for a minute, laughing along with our friends and enjoying life, when all of a sudden, our head will be full of ‘what ifs’ and swirling questions come crashing down into our brains. It can be so incredibly overwhelming that we will have to leave certain situations to calm ourselves down.

3. We constantly put ourselves down.

We may be successful in our careers. We may be great at our jobs. We may even get praised often. But do we believe it? No. In our career, in our personal life and in our love, we put ourselves down. We always think we can do better and we always put ourselves through so much stress just to get through one day.

4. We have tiny habits that we can’t break.

Sometimes our anxiety comes out in different habits. Some bite their nails, while others tear off their cuticles. Some tap their feet in a constant attempt to rid their body of all of the anxiety and the questions. For me personally? I do a lot of different things. I yawn to try to breathe better. I pick at my eyelashes. I bite my nails. I roll my shoulders over and over again to try to rid my body of those toxic thoughts. We do anything and everything to try to distract ourselves from the ideas that takeover our minds.

5. Anxiety doesn’t care about how happy we are or what is going on in our lives. It is always there.

No matter what we do, no matter where we are, and no matter who we are with, it can happen at any moment. The fear. The shaking. The images that cross our mind at lightning speed. The intense nausea and stomach cramps. The worry. The panic. The twirling of our hair. The need for more oxygen. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

6. We are perfectionists.

We try really, really hard. At everything. If our boss tells us to walk, we run. If our boss says we did a ‘good job’ we don’t see it as good enough for us. We try to be 100% perfect at everything that we do, and in our personal life too. Obviously this is impossible to do and everyone makes mistakes, but in our heads, we have to be the best of the best.

7. We freak out over the tiniest of things.

We are incredibly mean to ourselves when we make mistakes, no matter how easy it was for us to make it. We beat ourselves up in our heads day in and day out. We don’t know how to tell ourselves that it is ok. It’s ok to fall and stumble. And everyone, and I mean everyone, makes mistakes.

8. We are people pleasers.

We love to make people happy even if that means making ourselves unhappy. We want our parents to be proud. We want guests to be happy 24/7 at a party we host. We want to make our bosses proud, and we want to make ourselves proud. However, anxiety makes us think that nothing we do is good enough.

9. Answering emails or messaging other people can make us feel like we’re suffocating.

A tiny task can feel overwhelming and can petrify us. Sometimes we have to calm ourselves down just to send an email to someone we have known for years. At times, we don’t answer texts back or we leave messages unanswered because it’s so much easier to let it go, instead of interact.

10. The thoughts in our heads drastically differ from how we look to other people on the outside.

We may seem like we have the perfect life. We may look like we have the perfect career, the perfect partner, or the perfect home. But on the inside, we are scared. We are struggling. We are afraid. Afraid of our worst nightmares coming true. Afraid of losing everything that we have worked hard for. Afraid that we will become nothing. High functioning anxiety can truly make us into our own worst enemies.

11. We always, aways have to stay busy.

We have to stay busy to keep sane. Whether it be a creative outlet like singing or writing, or something like exercise to keep our mind from running away from us, we always have to be doing something. Anything to shut the voices out. Anything to calm down our thumping, burning hearts. Anything to keep us from exploding. TC mark